Hello everyone, and welcome the first of what I hope is many Friday Night Smackdown! recaps for Camel Clutch. I am your host, Dustin. A little bit about myself, I am straight edge, a nerd and a bodybuilder. I know, I know. It’s an amazing, fantastic combination.
Anyway, I have been a wrestling fan for around 23 years, even through the more crap-tastic periods (like now). I will give you fair warning that I am very sarcastic, opinionated, and often-times far too critical of wrestling (as well as other subjects). So, if any of those things, offend you, well, what the hell are you doing watching wrestling in the first place then?
Now, onto the show. To quote Milhouse Van Houten, “we are through the looking glass, people.”
First off, Green Day sucks and so does this song. We start the show with GM Teddy Long coming out to the ring. He tells us, because of what happened between Randy Orton and Christian at WWE Capitol Punishment last Sunday, he wants Christian in the ring. Christian comes out, demanding another shot at Randy Orton and the World Championship.
For those that don’t know, Christian was pinned by Orton at the PPV, despite both his hand and foot being under the bottom rope during the pinfall. Long tells Christian that, despite what happened, the ref’s decision is final. Makes sense, except for the part where it doesn’t. After an angry rant by Christian, the GM tells Christian that in order to get another shot at Orton, he has to beat Kane tonight, player. Since Undertaker’s basically retired, they have to go with Kane since he’s the default big scary guy on the show now.
We also learn that newly-crowned Intercontinental Champion Ezekiel Jackson will defend the belt against Wade Barrett in a rematch from this past Sunday. As long as Zeke isn’t given a microphone tonight, I have no complaints here.
MATCH 1: Sin Cara vs. Ted DiBiase
God, DiBiase’s entrance theme is horrible. He comes out solo this week for his match with Sin Cara (and appears to have lifted the Undertaker’s logo for his tights). Before I go any further, I’d like to say that people need to give Cara slack. Yes, he’s botched a few move, but not to the extent that everyone gives him crap for. Give him time, as he’s getting used to a bigger ring and a new match style. Anyway, Cara starts the match with some nice Lucha offense before eating a dropkick off a springboard from DiBiase. DiBiase takes control with kicks and punches and his reverse-direction clothesline (Just so you know, I’m not recapping every move. Sorry). Cara back on offense with kicks and a hurricanrana off the ropes. Cara hits a cool slingshot armdrag, but DiBiase catches him off the rope with a rydeen bomb for 2. After some punches by DiBiase, Cara catches him off the ropes with what looks like a head scissors, but turns it into a driving arm bar. Pin, and it’s over.
WINNER: Sin Cara. Not a bad match, but I think Sin Cara should keep a hold on his finisher and turn it into a Fujiwara submission instead. Hard to buy it a knockout move.
MATCH 2: “Darkman” Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan
Fred Savage-I mean Cody Rhodes-comes out with his bag boys, and starts talking about chocolate (since the show is in Hershey, PA. Clever, I know). He calls everyone fat and ugly and his boys begin handing out bags. Basically, it’s like every other Cody Rhodes promo. Daniel Bryan interrupts Rhodes and tells him that his “protective mask” belongs in his pants since it looks like a cup. Bryan then shows a picture of Dusty Rhodes, and says that, despite his ugly looks, Dusty had a lot of great qualities, and that Cody lacks all of them. He then tells Cody that he won’t live up to the standards his dad set, which is 100% true. Oh, and Michael Cole is talking to a paper bag on his hand now. We get a bunch of pinfalls and reversals before Bryan lands a dropkick. Rhodes leaves the ring and throws a fit, which leads to Ted DiBiase coming out just before the commercial.
We’re back in time to see Rhodes launch Bryan to ringside, followed by some really crappy-looking punches. I don’t like Cody Rhodes, BTW. Back in the ring and Rhodes is already going to rest holds. Rhodes starts hitting the Val Venis knee strikes, followed by a standing gourdbuster. Rhodes misses a knee drop because he refuses to wear knee pads, but goes back to more kicks and punches. Rhodes locks in a variation of the camel clutch to make Daniel Bryan humble, but Bryan escapes and counters with a clothesline. Kicks by Bryan, including a Pele, and a super hurricanrana gets 2. More pinfall exchanges between the two until a double cross-body knocks them both down. Bryan gets back up and DiBiase tries to trip him, so he eats a suicide dive from Bryan. Bryan gets back into the ring, only to eat Rhodes’ horrible version of the Flash Kick he even more horribly calls the “Beautiful Disaster”. Bryan’s leg got caught on the ropes in the process. He eats another kick, Cross Rhodes, and it’s over.
WINNER: Fred Savage. I don’t understand why Rhodes keeps getting pushed. What is there to like about him? Seriously! Oh, and Bryan gets the ever-so-painful paper bag over the head after the match is over.
This week’s “Did You Know?” is some random B.S. about social networking. Now we’re treated to a Johnny Curtis promo. This time, it’s ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise on a table. Curtis grabs the ketchup and mayo, and tells the mustard it “didn’t make the cut”. Get it? Ha ha. I seriously have no idea where this gimmick is going.
Now, it’s time for a Big Show interview, despite him not even being on this show. He tells Ken Doll Striker that Mark Henry he deserved being knocked out. We then see footage of Mark Henry slamming Show through a table. Show starts to comment on Henry, but Mark runs in out of nowhere to tackle Show through a curtain and some metal pipes. About as thrilling as it sounds.
Back from commercials, and it’s time for the IC title match.
MATCH 3-WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett
Zeke comes out first, but is attacked by Barrett on the ramp. Barrett throws Zeke all over ringside then punts him in the ribs after they’re both back in the ring. Ref rings the bell after Zeke gets on his feet to officially start the match, and Barrett stomps the crap out of him. Neckbreaker gets two before Zeke starts throwing rights. Barrett goes back on offense with a clothesline and our second camel clutch of the night. Zeke gets out of it, only to eat a scrapbuster for another nearfall by Barrett. This match has been all Wade Barrett thus far. He goes for another clothesline, but eats the Book of Ezekiel for two. Zeke with some clotheslines of his own before Wade’s back outside. He lures Zeke out, clotheslines him, gets him back up in the ring and sets up for Wasteland. Zeke counters out, locks in the torture rack, and Barrett quickly submits.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Ezekiel Jackson. Not a bad match all things considering, although the torture rack looked little lousy towards the end.
Great, we’re treated to an interview with the Randy Orton. I’d recap this promo, but it’s making me too sleepy. Basically, he just talks about how he’s going to beat Christian again. Think of any Orton promo you’ve heard in the last couple of years, and you get the idea.
I need to get my hands on the Best of Monday Nitro DVD posthaste.
We see Barrett walking around in the back before he runs into Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater. They make fun of him about losing two matches in a row to Zeke. Barrett tells them he’s got bigger plans than the IC title. They respond by saying they’re going out to the ring to do something that Wade can’t, and that’s win a match.
MATCH 4: The Usos vs. Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater
The Usos come out doing some traditional Polynesian dance routine, before debuting a new theme song (finally!). Gabriel and Slater come out to more horrible nu-metal. Gabriel starts for his team, and we get some quick tag action from the Usos before Jey hits a nice northern lights Suplex for two. Jey takes out both and climbs to the top before eating a kick from Gabriel. Guitar Hero comes in for some stomps before tagging Gabriel back in, and we see quick tags from the former Corre. Jey is isolated by Gabriel, who locks in a Fujiwara. Gabriel goes for a springboard, but Jey catches him with a Samoan drop before tagging in Jimmy as Gabriel tags in Slater. Jimmy with a Bubba Bomb on Slater, followed by a Stinger Splash and a nearfall. Slater eats a superkick from Jimmy while he’s distracted by Gabriel and Jey on the outside. Jimmy goes up top for the Samoan splash, but Slater gets his knees up, which leads to a small cradle and a 3-count.
WINNERS: Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater. Okay match, but Slater and Gabriel didn’t do much more than punches and kicks the entire match. Not sure how that makes them look like a strong team, but whatever.
MATCH 5: Yoshi Tatsu vs. Jinder Mahal (w/The Great Khali)
We learn that Jinder Mahal only eats fish heads and rice from Josh Mathews. Thanks. That was so important. He also has new, better music. Mahal starts attacking before the match gets started, while Khali stands around looking confused before hitting a brain chop on Tatsu. Mahal hits his full-nelson slam and Khali throws Tatsu outside.
WINNER: No contest. Mahal gets on the mic and tells everyone that these beatings will continue until his superiority is recognized, and that he was born the best. He says no more “kiss cam” from Khali, either. He just became one of my favorite wrestlers for that. He says nothing can stop the eastern winds from blowing through the WWE.
MATCH 6-WINNER BECOMES #1 CONTENDER FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP (MAIN EVENT): Kane vs. Christian
They’re giving this match a half-hour? Ugh. I’m all for long matches, but not those involving Kane. Kane dominates in the opening moments of the match, but it doesn’t matter. He’s not winning this match. Nothing but punches in the corners by Kane followed by more punches and a missed elbow drop. Kane’s back up and throws Christian into the corner. Goes for snake eyes, but Christian hotshots him both front and back, followed by a missile dropkick for two. Christian is now in control as he uses a foot choke on Kane in the corner. When was the last time anyone won a match with a chinlock, BTW? Kane’s back up and tries to gorilla press Christian, but Christian escapes and low bridges him to the outside. Back in, and Christian’s on the top rope where he lands a headbutt, Surprisingly, this does not lead him to kill his family before offing himself with a Bowflex. Christian gets a two-count before we go to commercial.
WINNER: Kane. Okay, so Kane actually did win, but in one of the cheapest ways possible. Now Mark Henry and Christian get into it, before turning their attention back to Kane.
Teddy Long rubs Christian’s loss in his face, but says he can redeem himself since Mark Henry running in wasn’t his fault. Teddy tells us that Christian can get his title match if he wins the following tag team match. This leads Christian and Mark Henry vs. Kane and…you do the math.
MATCH 7: Christian and Mark Henry vs. Kane and Randy Orton
Orton and Christian start the match. Take a wild guess who takes control first? Orton gets Christian down and starts the Garvin stomp, but decides to do his leaping sex-face knee drop instead for 2. Christian tags in Mark Henry who does pretty much nothing before tagging Christian back in. Orton gets a small package, but eats a clothesline in retaliation. Henry’s back in and does some clubbering but misses the seated splash. Kane’s in off the hot, hot, HOT tag by Orton. Kane takes out both Henry and Christian before getting off another “flying” clothesline for 2. Bodyslam attempt on Henry, but it fails and now the heels are back in control. Christian’s back in and is working over Kane’s back. Typical big man fare as Mark Henry tags back in. Henry takes a chokeslam as Orton is having a seizure on the apron. Orton gets the tag which leads to Christian coming in as well (Henry’s still the legal man). Orton practically puts his testicles in Christian’s face with the worst Lou Thesz press you’ve ever seen. He gets an orgasm as hits the suspended DDT on Christian, followed by an RKO. However, Orton turns around right into the World’s Strongest Slam by Henry, and Henry gets the pinfall.
WINNERS: (New #1 contender) Christian and Mark Henry. Sorry, but it’s hard for me not to be angry during Orton matches. I almost hate him more than I hate John Cena at this point. The good news is Christian is the new #1 contender. The bad news is he’ll probably be forced to put Orton over yet again. It makes sense, as Orton really needs the rub right now. Yeah.
End of show.
It was okay this week. The Cara/DiBiase and Bryan/Rhodes matches were decent, but nothing else to write home about. Well, that’s all my time for this week. I don’t have an e-mail account set up here at the Clutch yet, so for now, please direct all of your feedback to the comments section.
Other than, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/XDustinEFLX, and follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!
Full Friday Night SmackDown June 24 Results
-Sin Cara beat Ted DiBiase
-Cody Rhodes beat Daniel Bryan
-Ezekiel Jackson beat Wade Barrett
-Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel beat The Uso Brothers
-Kane beat Christian by DQ when Mark Henry interfered
-Christian and Mark Henry beat Kane and Randy Orton
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