Welcome to the 4-20-12 edition of Friday Night SmackDown! With the stupid subculture this day brings with it every year, I am more thankful with each passing year that I don’t smoke pot.
Tonight’s main event will be a 6-man tag team match, as Randy Orton, the Great Khali and World Champion Sheamus will take on Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry and Cody Rhodes. Speaking of Daniel Bryan, he’s making his way out to the ring right now. “Yes.” That’s what Bryan was saying to himself when he entered his very first Wrestlemania as World Champion. Within 18 seconds, it’s like his title reign never happened. It’s hard for him to talk about what Sheamus did. Sheamus didn’t out-wrestle or out-fight him; he took the cowardly way out. He waited until Bryan was distracted and his back was turned, and kicked Bryan in the face. Just like he did with Alberto Del Rio and referee Chad Patton, and just like he did again to Bryan last week. But, at Extreme Rules, Bryan will not be distracted, and in that match, if Sheamus so much as touches the referee, he will be fired. At Extreme Rules, we return where his rise to the top began, where no one thought he had a chance in hell of winning, the city where he shocked the world and won the MITB briefcase, that being the city of Chicago. At Extreme Rules, he plans on doing the same thing again, shocking the world. It’s a Best-of-3-Falls Match, which means Bryan will not beat Sheamus once, but twice. It won’t be a fluke win like Sheamus had; it will be an undisputable win that will make him World Heavyweight Champion. As an added treat, he gets to show everyone around the world what he does best, and that’s wrestle. He’s going to wrestle Sheamus and show everyone he is a real man. Did Sheamus take the cowardly way out when every time he kicked Bryan? Yes. Will he dominate the match at Extreme Rules? Yes. Will he become the new champion? Yes! Yes! Yes!
AJ makes her way out with a microphone, trying to talk to Bryan. Before she can enter the ring, he tells her to stop talking and go away. AJ says “no” and enters the ring. She’s not here to steal the spotlight, but this is the only way she can see him. She just wants to talk about their problems. Bryan doesn’t have any problems. He HAD a problem, and got rid of it. That problem was her. AJ still thinks they can work this out. She just wanted to see him and wish him good luck. Bryan wishes she hadn’t come out here. He wishes he had never met her. He wished he never would have said “yes” when she asked him out. Come to think of it, Bryan wishes she was never born. Bryan then gets an evil smile on his face and begins chuckling. Now that he’s out here answering questions, he’s going to answer one more. Is there any chance or hope he’d ever take her back? No! Bryan then drops the mic and leaves AJ alone in the ring, crying.
[adinserter block=”2″]If you don’t love Daniel Bryan, you’re wrong. That’s all there is to it.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again-I love this commercial for Prototype 2 featuring Johnny Cash’s “Hurt”. Why is it seemingly only commercials for video games get access to good music?
Back from commercials, AJ is still in the ring crying as Natalya’s music hits.
MATCH 1: AJ vs. Natalya
Apparently, Natalya is already a heel again. I’m fine with her being heel, but WWE needs to make up its mind. This is bush league. TNA-level bush league. AJ is staring at the stage as Natalya is trying to console her. AJ slaps her, then punches her repeatedly in the corner. The referee keeps trying to pull her off, but she keeps up the attack. Eventually, the referee disqualifies her.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Natalya. Okay, Natalya came down acting like a heel, then tried to be a face after the bell rang. I don’t know what she’s supposed to be anymore. I do like how they’re booking AJ’s meltdown thus far, though.
We get another promo for Damien Sandow. This time, he’s talking about ignorance. We choose to be ignorant rather than access the information that is available to us all the time. Fear not, because he will usher in a new era of enlightenment that will take us to new heights of moral and ethical capacity. You’re welcome. This could be THE hot new gimmick of 2012, easily. Sandow is just too good in this role.
Brodus Clay makes his way out for the next match. While Clay’s girls are fun to look at, they’re voices are so obnoxious. I could really do without their introductions every week. As Clay comes out, he cuts the music, telling us his little brother was supposed to be here. Where is he? He asks the girls to go get him. They head to the back to get him, and come back with g*ddamn Hornswoggle. Well, Clay’s gimmick just got ruined.
MATCH 2: Hunico (w/Camacho) vs. Brodus Clay (w/Cameron, Hornswoggle and Naomi)
Hornswoggle does Clay’s dance before the match, and gets pie-faced. Clay runs in and headbutts Hunico before clubbing him in the corner. Clay with a big back body drop before knocking Camacho off the apron. Clay hits the t-bone suplex and the running splash to get the victory.
WINNER: Brodus Clay. After the match, Hornswoggle hits the Tadpole Splash to the delight of 5 year-olds everywhere as older fans contemplate how much a hit on Hornswoggle’s life would cost.
Did You Know? Kit Kat is so popular in Japan, they have created over 80 different flavors of the candy bar.
We see Teddy Long in the back, looking for Teddy Long. He’s confronted by Titus O’Neil and Darren Young. He’s the guy who didn’t sign them to SmackDown! He used to be the man, but now he’s nothing. John Laurinaitis walks up and says they’re here thanks to the new GM. Young says people want new, young talent like themselves, before saying something about “People Power”. I don’t know exactly what was said this whole time, as O’Neil talks like he has a mouthful of marbles. Ace says that, with his role in the company, he often wears a lot of hats, and tonight, he’ll allow Long to do the same thing before he puts a Queen’s Guard hat on him.
Matt Striker is in the back with Randy Orton. Go figure. Striker reminds Orton of what Kane’s been doing to him and his family before we see a video package of said events. Striker asks how Orton’s dad is. Orton says his dad will be fine in time, but he can’t say the same for Kane. Kane has tried to prove he’s the monster he’s always said he was by attacking Bob Orton, Jr. with a pipe. At Extreme Rules, that’s fine, because he’s in a match with Randy, and it’s Falls-Count-Anywhere. Kane will find out how sick. And twisted. He. Can. Be.
MATCH 3: The Usos (Jey and Jimmy) vs. Titus O’Neil and Darren Young
Guess O’Neil and Young are officially out of the purgatory known as NXT. Young starts with a headlock on Jey, followed by a shoulderblock. Jey hits a forearm and tags in Jimmy. Jimmy hits a clothesline. Jimmy slides off a corner whip and hits some chops to the chest. Jey tags back in, and they hit a double back elbow and double elbow drop for 2. Young gets his boot up in the corner off a charge and begins stomping Jey. O’Neil tags in and they hit a double team inverted atomic drop/forearm to the chest. O’Neil begins stomping Jey down, followed by a European uppercut. Young tags back in, hits some kicks to the stomach and a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Young locks in a bodyscissors combined with a chinlock. Jey fights up and hits an uppercut. Jimmy tags in and hits a pair of clotheslines, followed by a mule kick. Jimmy hits a Samoan drop and a hip bump in the corner for 2. O’Neil breaks it up, then low-bridges Jey as he charges in. O’Neil gets the blind tag, and the heels hit a sloppy version of the Doomsday Device for 3.
WINNERS: Titus O’Neil and Darren Young. BTW, I apologize if I got the names of the Usos backwards here. I tried to keep up with who’s who, but the commentators kept switching names on who was in the ring, even when no tags were made, so I started to lose track.
MATCH 4: Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Intercontinental Champion The Big Show (non-title)
ADR tries to start with a lock-up, but Show just punches him. ADR goes to the leg, and Show throws him off. Show gets him into an adjacent corner and hits an open-hand chop to the chest. ADR crawls to the opposite corner, where Show stands on his chest. He gets ADR back up and hits another chop. Show with a bodyslam and an elbow off the ropes for 2. Show with a gut shot. He misses a clothesline, and ADR takes him down with a chopblock. Jumping stomp to the head by ADR, which he follows up with boots to the head and a double-stomp to the midsection for 2. ADR starts working over the left arm with punches and kicks. ADR gets Show in a version of a keylock, but Show gets to the ropes. ADR continues to work the arm over, going into a keylock. Show manages to shove him off and get back to his feet, where he goes for the chokeslam. ADR slips out and takes the knee out once again. A kick to the back gets 2 for ADR. ADR hits the jumping double-knee armbreaker, and is looking for the jujigatame. Show holds on and manages to throw ADR off with one arm. ADR is back up first, but Show takes him down with a chop to the chest from his knees. A couple of clotheslines, a hip bump and a spear from Show. He signals for the chokeslam once again, but Rodriguez jumps on the ropes to cause a distraction. Behind the referee’s back, Cody Rhodes comes in and hits the Beautiful Disaster, allowing ADR to make the pin.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio. After the match, Rhodes continues the attack, but Show gets back to his feet, scaring Rhodes out through the crowd.
We see Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre watching a monitor in the back, sarcastically wondering who will win the next match.
MATCH 5: Danny Lerman vs. Ryback
Lerman gives a shout-out to his mom before the match starts. Ryback comes out to a fairly decent pop. Lerman kicks Ryback in the leg. Ryback catches the second kick and trips him down. Ryback grabs him by the ears and begins slamming his head into the mat. Ryback picks him up with ease into a nice fall-away slam, followed by a vicious clothesline. Ryback hits the running fisherman’s suplex, and this one’s over.
WINNER: Ryback. I’d be willing to be Ryback is main eventing by the end of the year.
Brock Lesnar interview video. If Gunner studied hours upon hours of Brock Lesnar hitting the F-5, he still couldn’t get it right.
We see Teddy Long in the back, dressed like a guard outside of John Laurinaitis’ office. William Regal walks up and tries to make him laugh. We then see Aksana walk in with…Antonio Cesaro! Yes! He’s finally here! She claims he is a close friend of hers who is a rugby player and wants to become a WWE superstar. Cesaro said that, when he heard Aksana’s boyfriend had an important job in WWE, this isn’t what he pictured. Aksana said they used to be together, but not anymore. Laurinaitis comes out of his office and introduces himself to Cesaro before welcoming him and Aksana into his office.
Antonio Cesaro is going to be HUGE in this company. Mark my words.
MATCH 6-6-Man Tag Team Match: Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry and Cody Rhodes vs. World Champion Sheamus, Randy Orton and The Great Khali
Rhodes takes Khali out from behind as he’s entering the ring, clipping the knee. The match has yet to officially start. One of the WWE doctors is checking Khali out as more doctors and referees head down to check on him. The guy shouldn’t even be wrestling anymore. He can barely walk. Looks like Khali is already gone from this match as he’s being helped to the back. The Big Show’s music hits, and he makes his way out to ringside. Looks like he’s making himself the new 3rd man.
[adinserter block=”1″]MATCH 6, PART 2: Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry and Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus, Randy Orton and The Big Show
Back from the break, the match has started, with Rhodes taking mounted punches from Orton in the corner. Orton hits a clothesline for 2. Rhodes tags in Bryan, who runs right into a hip toss. Orton tags in Sheamus, but Bryan runs back to his corner and tags in Rhodes. The two tie up, and Sheamus backs Rhodes into the corner. Rhodes breaks cleanly and gets Sheamus in a waistlock. Sheamus elbows his way out and punches Rhodes into a corner, where he stomps him down. Sheamus whips Rhodes into the corner. Rhodes tries to avoid the charge, but Sheamus catches him and hits the rolling fireman’s carry slam for 2. Sheamus with an arm wringer into an armbar. Rhodes knees him in the gut and hits the Goldust uppercut. Sheamus comes back with an Irish Hammer and a knee drop for 2. Rhodes goes for a neckbreaker off the ropes, but Sheamus blocks it and throws Rhodes to the apron, where he hits the forearms to the chest with Rhodes tied up in the ropes. Rhodes reverses a suplex back into the ring and hits a dropkick, sending Sheamus to the floor. Rhodes with a baseball slide. Behind the ref’s back, Bryan hits a seated dropkick on Sheamus. Bryan throws Sheamus back into the ring by the apron, where he hits an elbow. Bryan tags in and begins stomping Sheamus down. Henry tags in as Bryan chokes Sheamus with his foot. Henry stands on Sheamus’ chest while holding the top rope. Henry goes for a choke before tagging in Rhodes. Rhodes puts the boots to Sheamus, sending him to the mat in the corner. Rhodes puts Sheamus in a hammerlock/rear chinlock combo. Sheamus picks him up and backs him into a corner, but Rhodes immediately comes back with a dropkick to the knee for 1. Rhodes has Sheamus in a front chancery now, but Sheamus is fighting his way back up. He throws Rhodes off, and Rhodes lands on his feet. He goes for the Beautiful Disaster, but Sheamus takes him down with an Irish Hammer in the process. Orton tags in, hits a pair of clotheslines and a powerslam. The suspended DDT gets hit next, and now he’s looking for the RKO. Bryan tries to run interference, but runs right into a powerslam. Henry comes in next and takes Orton down with a clothesline, allowing Rhodes to get a 2-count. Henry tags back in and stomps Orton as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Henry has Orton in a neck vice. He takes Orton down with a headbutt before tagging Bryan in, who stomps Orton repeatedly. Corner whip by Bryan, followed by a corner dropkick for 2. Bryan with a bodyslam before going up top, where he misses a headbutt. Henry and Show tag in, where Show dominates with clotheslines and a corner hip bump. Rhodes hits Show in the back with a kick, allowing Henry to come back with a clothesline of his own. Rhodes tags in and begins working on the left arm. Bryan tags in, where he continues to attack the arm with kicks. Henry tags in and takes Show down with a headbutt. Rhodes in once again. He begins attacking Show’s left leg, slapping on a figure-4. Doesn’t have it on very tight, though. Rhodes manages to get a 2-count before tagging in Henry, who hits Show with a splash while Show was still tied up in the hold. Henry gets 2 before tagging Bryan in. Bryan hits a low DDT for 2. Show tags in Sheamus, who hits a pair of Irish Hammers. He clotheslines Bryan in the corner, hits some clubbing blows and a tilt-a-whirl powerslam for 2 as Rhodes breaks it up. Rhodes slides to the floor, where he’s knocked out by the WMD from Show. Bryan tries for the Yes! Lock, but Sheamus blocks it. Bryan ducks a Brogue Kick and tags in Henry. Sheamus takes him out with the Brogue Kick and tags in Henry. Show hits a WMD on Henry, followed by an RKO by Orton for the 3.
WINNERS: The Big Show, Randy Orton and Sheamus.
End of show.
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