Welcome to the 10/7/11 edition of WWE Friday Night SmackDown! You know, I was going to rant a little bit about the roster walk-out on “RAW” on Monday night, but I honestly don’t know how I feel about it yet. I don’t love the angle (yet), but I don’t hate it, either. At this point, I’m simply more curious than anything as to where it’s going to go next.
Anyway, we start the show with a video showing all of the things Triple H has done since obtaining the COO position, leading up to the aforementioned walk-out on Monday. Did anyone else find it strange that Jerry Lawler needed to carry his crown out to the ring?
Backstage, we see Teddy Long on the phone, apparently talking to Triple H. Zack Ryder enters the office. He says he was just going along with everyone on Monday. Long says, in order to prevent a repeat tonight, Long has been put in full charge of the show, and RAW’s loss is SmackDown!’s gain.
Tonight, we will get a confrontation between Big Show and Mark Henry.
Back in the ring, Vicki Guerrero is in the ring with Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, David Otunga, Christian, Wade Barrett and Jack Swagger. She welcomes us to the 1-year anniversary of SD! being on SyFy. Christian says this is a welcome to the beginning of the walk-out. He had the courage to stand up to Triple H and basically question everything and tell Trips exactly what he thought. Christian’s actions have inspired this entire uprising. Ziggler says the walk-out was because of all of them. They banded together because of Trips’ leadership skills being ineffective. Nearly every WWE superstar followed their lead and made the smartest decision of their lives when they walked out. Ziggler passes the mic to Otunga. Otunga says Trips’ actions have fostered an unsafe working environment, and will stay out until Triple H steps down, and if he doesn’t step down Monday night, they will walk out of every show/event WWE puts on. Barrett says Trips needs to look in the mirror, and when he does, he’ll realize that everything is his fault. Once he realizes that, perhaps he’ll do the right thing and relinquish control of RAW. Cody Rhodes grabs a mic. Kill me. For weeks, they have endured the reign of Triple H, whose head grew so large no paper bag would cover. He says he typically stands alone, but a united front was warranted and now there is hope for true change. Rhodes says he can honestly say they couldn’t have done it without one man. Jack Swagger takes the mic. Swagger introduces Alberto Del Rio.
Teddy Long comes out and says if these guys continue to blab, the audience will walk out next. He announces a match for Cody Rhodes and Christian against Sheamus and Randy Orton for tonight. Long says ADR has a match next, and is getting an opponent ADR specifically requested, and that opponent happens to be Sin Cara. I’m going to assume the real Sin Cara will be wrestling this match, not Hunico. ADR says there’s only one Mexican sensation, and he’s also better than any American, and that man is Alberto Del Rio.
MATCH 1: WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio (w/Roberto Rodriguez) vs. Sin Cara (non-title)
Rodriguez must’ve come out during the break. This is the real Sin Cara, which the commentators are referring to as “Sin Cara Azul”, with the other being referred to as “Sin Cara Negro”. ADR starts off with some punches. Cara comes back with a hurricanrana. He goes for a springboard back elbow, but ADR catches him into a release German suplex for 2. ADR goes to the rear chinlock. Cara tries to fight out, but gets whipped down by his head. A kick to the back gets another 2. ADR goes back to the chinlock. Cara fights out, but ADR punches him back down. Cara kicks off a corner charge, climbs up and gets a hurricanrana. Cara hits some kicks to the leg, but ADR throws him off. Cara with a spinning headscissors into a DDT for for 2. Cara climbs up top and goes for a cross body, but ADR botches the catch, causing Cara to just fall to the ground. ADR picks him up, hits the double-knee armbreaker and then locks in the rolling jujigatame for the quick submission.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio. Post-match, Sin Cara struggles to get up as Sin Cara Negro makes his way out to the ring. He gets no pyro on the entrance, and his theme music is basically the same, only slightly deeper. Negro attacks Azul, stomping Azul’s arm. Negro hits a nice-looking hammerlock suplex before going up top and hitting a swanton bomb.
Michael Cole begins yelling at Booker T for being a hypocrite and walking out with everyone else on RAW.
Backstage, Matt Striker is with Air Boom. Ken Doll says they’ll be facing Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler in a rematch from HIAC tonight. He asks why they participated on Monday. Bourne says it just feels like a culmination of everything going on. Kofi says it’s probably not Triple H’s fault, but unless he steps down, the chaos will continue, and they won’t appear on RAW until he’s gone.
MATCh 2: WWE Tag Team Champions Air Boom (Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston) vs. Jack Swagger and United States Champion Dolph Ziggler (non-title)
Air Boom have their own entrance theme now. They just need a tag team finisher, and they’re all set. Swagger and Ziggler attack Air Boom from behind as they make their way to the ring. Swagger stomps on Bourne a bunch. This match hasn’t started yet. Now Swagger and Ziggler are double-teaming Bourne. Ziggler hits a somewhat sloppy Zig Zag on Bourne on the floor as we go to commercial.
These commercials are really making me hate Sonic, and I love their food. Does every company out there hire complete morons for their advertising departments?
Back from the break, this match has started. Kingston is stomping the hell out of Swagger as referees continue to check on Bourne. Swagger tags Ziggler in, and Kingston continues the assault before running into a boot. Swagger back in off the tag. He hits a bodyslam, but Kingston catches a kick to the head and some gut shots. Swagger whips Kingston back down and tags Ziggler in. Ziggler with a back suplex. Ziggler goes for another suplex, but Kingston rolls out, and they simultaneously clothesline each other. Kingston’s looking for the tag as Bourne finally gets up to the apron. He tags in and lays in some kicks on both Swagger and Ziggler before hurting his neck in the process. Ziggler hits a neckbreaker and tags in Swagger, who hits the Doctor Bomb for the 3.
WINNERS: Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler. Honestly, this match kind of reminded me of the Rockers/Power and Glory from Summerslam 1990. Nice throwback to days of tag team wrestling gone by (not that Power and Glory was all that great). Vicki needs a damn bra.
MATCH 3: WWE Divas Champion Beth Phoenix (w/Natalya) vs. Alicia Fox
Seeing Kelly Kelly “snap” and dominate Phoenix on RAW pissed me off to no end. It just makes me sick. And her screaming is worse than nails on a chalkboard. Here comes Alicia in all of her transsexual glory. She’s Kitty from “Arrested Development”-level repulsive. Phoenix gets a kick to the stomach and a corner whip. Fox kicks off a charge and goes for a sunset flip, but Phoenix just stomps her. A Glam Slam later, and this one’s over.
WINNER: Beth Phoenix. After the match, Natalya chokes Fox with her foot, then with her hand. She locks in the Pin-Up Strong as Beth grabs a microphone and tells Alicia to cry for her. Fox is crying into the microphone as Natalya has got some serious torque on the hold. I kid you not, Fox is practically doing a headstand, Natalya’s pulling back so far. Fox cries and screams as Beth tells her that’s what she wanted to hear. I love these two women.
We cut to the announce table as Michael Cole wants to know where the hell Teddy Long is as the chaos continues. Booker T segues this into the Mark Henry/Big Show confrontation later tonight. We see a video of Henry putting Show on the shelf from MITB.
You know, these commercials for compact catheters for women seem like they’re trying to make you really, REALLY want to buy a catheter, like it’s a sex toy or something. Just bizarre.
Back from the break, and Big Show is on his way to the ring. I could be wrong, but he looks to have put more weight on during his break. He can’t tell us how good it is to be back. I’m pretty sure he just did. He says the last four months has been brutal, and he’s gone over the footage of him and Henry over and over during that time. He has the footage put up on the screen to show everyone what happened. For those that don’t remember, at MITB, Henry Pillmanized Big Show’s leg, breaking his ankle. Show says he thought he was infallible, but he was humbled. I’m not sure Show knows what “infallible” means. He says Henry tore his heart out as he begins to cry. Every day things became difficult for Show during his recuperation. He realized he took stuff for granted. He knows people are wondering what kind of sick person would watch that footage over and over, and that sick person is him. He says the emotional pain was what hurt the most, but it’s what also fueled the fire in his stomach. He used the pain to get better and get stronger. He’s going to repay Henry the pain he caused ten times over. Show says Mark Henry is on a roll, and has destroyed everything in his path, but his momentum is now on a downhill roll. Show will be at the bottom, waiting, and he’ll take his fist and hit Henry so many times he will become unrecognizable. He says he’s going to take from Henry what validates his entire career, and that’s the World Championship. He reminds us that the first championship he ever held is the same championship Henry is holding right now (except that, you know, it’s not). Show will settle for nothing less than facing Henry one-on-one. He wants Henry to come out here right now and do the right thing, and that’s give him a one-on-one opportunity for the title. Cue Mark Henry.
Henry comes out and stops at the stage. He says there’s been a lot of changes in the last four months. Henry says he put out Kane, ended Vladimir Kozlov’s career and put Jerry Lawler through the announce table, and thus, the “Hall of Pain” is getting really crowded. He says the most important thing was beating Randy Orton for the title. Henry asks what Big Show has done or who he’s beat to earn a title shot. He’s been on a vacation that Henry afforded him. Henry says he’ll let Show know about when and if he’s ever going to get a shot at the World title, and that’s going to come on Mark Henry time, on World Heavyweight Champion time.
Big Show says if he doesn’t hear the answer he wants by the end of the night, he’s going to put Henry through the announce table, grab a chair and break Henry’s ankle. He wants an answer of “yes” tonight, or else.
Dammit. Another Striker/Randy Orton segment? Is someone in WWE reading my columns and intentionally trying to piss me off at this point? Orton says the last thing he’s going to do is whine like Christian about getting another rematch, and if he has to tear through the entire SD! roster to get another shot, he’ll do it. Striker asks why he wasn’t there for the walk-out on RAW on Monday. He says if he has anything to say to Triple H, he’ll say it to his face, and he doesn’t go along with crowds because he doesn’t play well with others. I’m sure Lauren Jones would agree with that.
We get a video of Brodus Clay, who has been destroying local jobbers on “Superstars” the past couple of months. From what I understand, he’s in for a huge push on RAW.
Jinder Mahal is in the ring, speaking Farsi, I believe. In the midst of a promo, Ezekiel Jackson’s music hits.
MATCH 4: Jinder Mahal vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Zeke tells Mahal to “shhh”. Mahal continues to mouth off in his native tongue. Zeke just forearms him to the face. Match officially starts at this point. Tie-up to start, but Zeke just throws Mahal to the ground. Mahal comes back with a kick and some knee strikes. He goes for an Irish whip, but Zeke reverses into a back body drop and hits a pair of bodyslams before going for the Argentinean backbreaker. Mahal slides out and hits a running knee to the face for 2. Mahal goes into a front facelock, but Zeke gets up and throws him off. Zeke with another trio of bodyslams. He hits one more for good measure and gets Mahal up into the backbreaker. Mahal taps out on Zeke’s head.
WINNER: Ezekiel Jackson. After the match, Zeke gets a mic and says “I told you, ‘shhh’.” The fact that Mahal was not only squashed by Santino Marella on Monday night, but done so in less than a minute practically guarantees his eventual release. This squash loss to Zeke didn’t help his future look any brighter, either.
In Teddy Long’s office, he gets a knock on the door. He assumes it’s Aksana, but turns out it’s Dynamic Dude. He tells Teddy that what happened on Monday night has never happened before, that they’re both company men, and Johnny Ace supports Teddy Long. If Long needs help, he can count on Ace. I wish he’d refer to himself as “The Ace in the hole”.
God, no. Hornswoggle is back. He comes from underneath the ring and pulls Booker T into the ring with him. He wants Book to do a Spinaroonie. Booker takes his jacket off and proceeds to do it. He then tells Hornswoggle to do it. Hornswoggle proceeds to have a seizure that apparently passes for a Spinaroonie. Thank L. Ron Hubbard for Christian, who comes out just in time to interrupt this crap.
MATCH 5: Christian and Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus and Randy Orton
I wish they had left the side plates alone on Cody’s re-launch of the classic IC title belt, as well as left it the original size (I can’t be the only one who thinks it looks smaller), but I’m otherwise quite happy with this belt. Best thing Cody’s done in his entire WWE career. I’m hoping Henry gets through this feud with Big Show rather quickly and moves on to Sheamus. Sheamus and Christian start off. Sheamus with a side headlock into a hip throw. Booker T and Michael Cole are bitching at each other. Sheamus with a shoulder block. Christian tags in Rhodes, who eats some punches. Sheamus throws Rhodes out, who skins the cat. He comes back into a gut shot. Sheamus ties Rhodes up in the ropes and lays in the forearms to the chest, followed by the apron knee strike. Christian distracts Sheamus, allowing Rhodes to get a side-Russian leg sweep for 2. Michael Cole tries to say that Rhodes’ “custom acrylic mask” cost $20,000. Worst. 20 grand. Ever. Rhodes gets in a front chancery, but Sheamus back drops out of it. Orton and Christian both tag in. Christian eats some clotheslines and a powerslam. Christian runs into a back body drop off the ropes. Orton gets the 10 punches in the corner before going for the suspended DDT, which connects. Orton looks for the RKO, but Rhodes comes in for the distraction, allowing Christian to slide to the floor. Orton follows, but gets into it with Rhodes, allowing Christian to hit a baseball slide as we go to commercial.
Back from the break, Christian has a neck vice on Randy Orton. Orton headbutts out and gets some punches, but runs into a back elbow. Rhodes tags back in. I’m begging Rhodes to please start working out his calves and buy some kneepads. Christian tags back in after Rhodes gets some shots, but Orton punches his way out of the corner. Christian comes back with a spinebuster and is now setting up for the spear. He makes the run, but Orton blocks with a kick. Sheamus and Rhodes tag in. Sheamus with a powerslam and a corner clothesline. He follows that up with a running knee lift and goes up top for the shoulder block. Rhodes sees it coming, but Sheamus lands on his feet and rolls through. Rhodes turns around right into the Irish Curse for 2. Christian tries to stop the Celtic Cross from coming, but Sheamus sees him coming and low bridges. Orton tags back in and immediately hits the RKO for the 3.
WINNERS: Randy Orton and Sheamus. Why Sheamus wasn’t allowed to get the pin here is beyond me. Oh, wait. It’s because his partner was Orton. That’s right. Duh.
In case you didn’t see it the first time, the entire video we saw at the top of the show is being aired again, in its entirety.
Mark Henry makes his way out again for Henry/Show Confrontation 2: Electric Boogaloo as we go to commercial.
End of show.
The main event was okay, but nothing on the show was “can’t miss”.
Full WWE Friday Night SmackDown results..
Alberto Del Rio defeated Original Sin Cara
Beth Phoenix defeated Alicia Fox
Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler defeated Air Boom in a non-title match
Ezekiel Jackson defeated Jinder Mahal
Randy Orton and Sheamus defeated Cody Rhodes and Christian
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Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.