The 1-20-12 edition of SmackDown! has been dubbed “Sin City SmackDown!”, which must mean it’s taking place in Ralla, MO. Tonight’s episode will see the return of the WWE Roulette Wheel, which could be good or bad. Generally, the Roulette shows produce some good matches and entertaining segments, so here’s hoping the trend continues.
We see a recap of the No DQ Match last week between Daniel Bryan and the Big Show, resulting in AJ getting injured. Say what you will about AJ (and I say good things), but she took that shoulder bump from Big Show like a shotgun blast, making it look much better than it normally would.
Daniel Bryan opens the show to a massive chorus of boos. He will be defending the World Championship tonight against Mark Henry in the main event. Bryan says tonight’s show is appropriately titled, not just because they are in Vegas, but because what Show did last week was a sin. Show is 441 pounds; AJ weighs 95 pounds. Bowling over AJ was intentional, and Show only pretended to be sorry. Show didn’t shed tears of sorrow; they were crocodile tears. Show is bitter because his World title reign was the shortest in history, a mere 45 seconds. After Bryan cashed in his MITB contract and won the belt, Show has never been able to live it down. He is a bitter, selfish, vengeful freak. Because of that, AJ has suffered head trauma, a cervical sprain, and her career may be over as a result. All because she insisted on being with Bryan at ringside. Why would she put herself in harm’s way? Because she loves him. He’s never had anyone say that to him before. He has a great admiration for her as well. He’s dedicating tonight’s match to her, and she will be in his corner in spirit. As for Mark Henry, Bryan’s not afraid, just like he’s not afraid of Big Show, who isn’t here tonight. It’s a damn good thing he’s not here, because Bryan could not be held responsible for what he might do. He pleads for the Big Show to do the right thing before he unleashes his fury on Show. Show needs to do the decent thing and quit.
Did You Know? The breathable liquid in the movie The Abyss is real technology, and the scene involving the liquid being tested on the rat was 100% real. It was done to demonstrate the actual ability of the liquid, and no special effects of any kind were used.
MATCH 1: Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes vs. Hornswoggle (non-title)
Rhodes meets him on the outside and pie faces him to the ground. Rhodes then begins to kick him a few times. For some reason, Justin Gabriel immediately runs out and begins attacking Rhodes with forearms. He throws Rhodes in the ring, then tells Rhodes to pick on someone his own size, like Gabriel. Or would he rather do a “Showgirl Match”? Rhodes agrees to it, albeit non-title.
MATCH 1: Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes vs. Justin Gabriel (w/Hornswoggle) (non-title)
Gabriel starts with some forearms and kicks in the corner. Gabriel hits a dropkick, sending Rhodes into the corner. Gabriel hits an armdrag, but Rhodes comes back with the Goldust uppercut and a dropkick for 2. Rhodes hits a standing gourdbuster before going into a rear chinlock. Gabriel breaks free, but Rhodes headbutts him back down and hits a stomp off the ropes. A right hand gets another 2. Rhodes gets in a hammerlock and combines it with a rear chinlock, but Gabriel’s out of position. Gabriel fights back up. Rhodes tries for a bodyslam, but Gabriel slides through and hits an inverted DDT into an elbow drop, followed by an enziguri. He goes up for the 450, but Rhodes moves out of the way. Rhodes tries the Alabama Slam out of the corner, but Gabriel reverses into a pin for 2. Backslide gets another 2. Gabriel hits a boot out of the corner and a springboard cross body for yet another 2. He tries for a monkey flip, but Rhodes holds on and hot shots him across the top rope before hitting Cross Rhodes and ending it.
WINNER: Cody Rhodes.
Backstage, Mark Henry is about to spin the Roulette wheel to determine what kind of match he’ll have with Daniel Bryan tonight. He blames Teddy Long for putting AJ into harm’s way last week, and this week, he’s putting Daniel Bryan in harm’s way. Long tells him to spin the wheel, but Henry tells him that since this is Long’s idea, he can do it. The wheel lands on Lumberjack Match. Henry says that’s fine, and Bryan will end up in the Hall of Pain tonight.
I’ve just started playing Final Fantasy XIII, and I love it. Need to finish it so I can pick up XIII-2.
MATCH 2-Tag Team Tornado Match: WWE Tag Team Champions Epico and Primo (w/Rosa Mendes) vs. The Usos (Jey and Jimmy)
Holy L. Ron Hubbard, does Rosa look good tonight. All four men start brawling. The Usos take Epico down with a double elbow, followed by a version of the Demolition Decapitation on Primo for 2. Primo back drops one of them to the floor, and the champs double-team the other one with stomps. I find out this is Jimmy. The champs it a double ribbreaker, followed by a double suplex for 2. Jimmy blocks a double Irish whip and he and his brother take the champs down. Pair of corner whips and avalanches from the Usos. Double hip bump follows. Primo and one Uso go outside, where Mendes distracts the Uso, allowing Primo to ram him into the ring apron. In the ring, the other Uso hits a Samoan Splash on Epico, but Primo breaks it up and immediately hits the Backstabber for the 3.
WINNERS: Epico & Primo.
Tonight, Wade Barrett will face Sheamus one-on-one.
Highlight video from last year’s 40-man Royal Rumble match. Considering how many guys are on WWE’s roster right now, I think the 40-man format should stick around.
Back in Teddy Long’s office, Aksana is rambling on about slot machines or some other B.S. Sheamus interrupts things, fortunately. Long asks Aksana to spin the wheel to find out the stipulation for Sheamus’ match. It will be a Tables Match. Sheamus is fine with that, because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
We are getting a dance off now.
MATCH 3-Dance Off: Brodus Clay (w/Arianne and Naomi) vs. Vicki Guerrero
I know this isn’t a match, but it’s just easier to classify it as such to keep with my normal format. After the commercials, Vicki Guerrero comes out and announces herself as Clay’s opponent. She makes a bunch of stupid comments about dancing. I’m not recapping them. She starts to do the Elaine “little kicks and thumbs” dance from Seinfeld. As much as I hate to give credit to Vicki, that was the best choice for a dance anyone could ever come up with in one of these things, ever. Clay takes his turn, and after some moves from the girls, Clay jukes and jives before more or less shaking his entire body. The crowd decides the winner, and they of course pick Brodus Clay.
WINNER: Brodus Clay. Vickie tries to dance again after the contest is over, but it’s not nearly as funny the second time. All of a sudden, William Regal’s music hits. He comes out and says that, as an English gentleman, he can’t allow this to go on. He begs the crowd to leave her alone, referring to her as a “buxom wench”. Have I mentioned I love William Regal? She pulls his handkerchief out of his breast pocket and blows her nose. Brodus Clay challenges Regal before he leaves the ring with Vicki, calling him a “funky chicken”. Regal accepts and proceeds to cut a rug with a huge sh*t-eating grin on his face. In mid dance, Clay hits the move now apparently known as “Aww, Funk It”, leveling Regal. Clay tells him, “Oh, my bad!” before doing some more dancing. While these segments are normally stupid, this one was the exception. It featured William Regal, the little kicks and Brodus Clay. What more do you need?
MATCH 4-Tables Match: Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus
I hear they are going to change Barrett’s music. I think that’s a mistake. I’m normally not big on Tables Matches, but considering who is in this one, my hopes are higher than average. Barrett starts off with a boot and some punches, backing Sheamus into a corner. Sheamus counters with forearms and elbows before throwing Barrett into the adjacent corner. Barrett comes back with punches, but Sheamus sidesteps him off the ropes, sending him to the floor. Sheamus follows, but Barrett catches him and rams him back-first into the apron. He starts to set up a table as Sheamus knocks him down with a forearm. Sheamus slams Barrett into the announce desk before going back to the table and getting it set up. Sheamus looks for a powerslam through the table, but Barrett slides off the shoulder and shoves Sheamus into the ring post before throwing him back in the ring. Barrett ties Sheamus up in the ropes and hits several knee lifts before hitting the running boot, with Sheamus landing on the apron. Barrett goes to the apron as Sheamus slides back into the ring. Barrett goes for a suplex to the floor, but Sheamus fights out, ties Barrett up in the ropes and lays in the forearms to the chest. He charges at Barrett with a forearm, sending Barrett to the floor. However, Barrett goes sailing over the table, continuing the match. Sheamus gets Barrett back into the ring and goes for another table, but Barrett just boots him down. Barrett goes out to slide the table into the ring before throwing Sheamus in. Barrett sets up the table near one of the corners. He picks Sheamus up over his shoulder, but Sheamus slides out and hits a trio of Irish Hammers and a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. He sets Barrett up on the table and goes up top. Barrett slides off and slugs Sheamus repeatedly. He goes up for a superplex, but Sheamus fights out. Barrett throws him off, but Sheamus jumps over the table. Barrett overturns the table, but runs right into an Irish Curse. Sheamus sets the table up in the corner and looks for the Celtic Cross. Jinder Mahal runs down and causes a distraction, allowing Barrett to mule kick Sheamus and hurl him into the table.
WINNER: Wade Barrett. Weak finish, but the rest of the match was good. After the match, Mahal climbs into the ring and sets up a table in the opposite corner. He picks Sheamus up over the shoulder, but Sheamus slides out and lands a Brogue Kick to the face. Sheamus picks Mahal up on his shoulder and just spears him through the table. I love how Mahal has gotten this sudden pseudo push in that the commentators talk about how dangerous he is, yet he still gets his ass handed to him on almost a weekly basis.
MATCH 5-Flag Match: Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico (w/Camacho)
Before the match starts, we see Teddy Long spinning the wheel. The match will be a flag match. Some guys run out to put up the flags for the US and Mexico. First person to grab their respective flag wins the match. We get a cut-away promo from DiBiase. He says Hunico and Camacho are mad about not being invited to DiBiase Posse parties. The parties are open to everyone, and after tonight, Hunico and Camacho can have a big pitty party. Hunico starts with some strikes and goes for a headscissors, but DiBiase holds on and turns it into a facebuster. He goes for his flag, but Hunico catches him with a quick powerbomb. He now goes for his flag, but DiBiase electric chairs him down. DiBiase charges at Hunico, but Hunico back drops him over the ropes to the floor. Hunico goes back up for the flag, but DiBiase pushes him off onto Camacho. DiBiase gets back in the ring, and his knee gives out on him. He crawls over to the corner to get the flag. Hunico follows, but DiBiase kicks him off and hits Dream Street. DiBiase goes up and gets his flag.
WINNER: Ted DiBiase. Kind of surprised by the outcome here, although I guess this was a way for DiBiase to get his win back over Hunico without Hunico having to be pinned. If that’s what they were going for, mission accomplished.
We see Daniel Bryan talking to Kaitlyn backstage. Someone please shave Kaitlyn’s head.
If you didn’t watch RAW on Monday, you missed a pretty solid show. Dolph Ziggler, CM Punk and Chris Jericho were on fire.
We see Drew McIntyre in Teddy Long’s office. Long says that McIntyre is fired. Santino Marella asks Long to reconsider. He says he wants to prove his win over McIntyre was more than just luck. Long agrees to one more chance before allowing McIntyre to spin the wheel. The wheel lands on Blindfold Match. McIntyre says Long won’t regret this. Marella prepares himself for the match by walking around blindly.
We see Mark Henry stretching backstage.
MATCH 6-Blindfold Match: Drew McIntyre vs. Santino Marella
McIntyre gets the jobber non-entrance. Marella blindfolds the Cobra before Charles Robinson puts a blindfold over his head. They try to find each other, taking wild swings at the air. Marella begins pulling a Jake “The Snake” Roberts, using the crowd reaction. Marella accidentally strikes the ropes. McIntyre apparently hears it and spears Marella to the floor. McIntyre takes a blind swing, hitting the ring post with a loud smack. Marella is talking to the referee, who almost gets a Cobra. McIntyre peeks under his blindfold and goes for a boot, but Marella ducks down. Marella asks for the crowd to react again, allowing him to find where to hit the Cobra, which does connect. Marella gets the 3.
WINNER: Santino Marella.
The main event is up next, and the lumberjacks are heading out to the ring.
Randy Orton returns to SmackDown! next week. Great. Just what I didn’t want.
MATCH 7-Lumberjack Match for the World Championship: Mark Henry vs. Champion Daniel Bryan
The boos for Bryan are even louder now than they were earlier tonight. Henry gets a mixed reaction. Henry throws his shirt at Bryan. Bryan goes for a kick, but Henry shoves him down near some lumberjacks, including Wade Barrett. He tells them all not to touch him. Bryan gets back in and tries a kick again, but eats a headbutt instead, sending him to the apron. Once again, he tells the lumberjacks to back off. He gets back in and is met with a shoulder in the corner, followed by a headbutt. Henry stands on Bryan’s ribs while holding the ropes. Henry picks him back up and hits him with some forearms. Bryan fires some back, but gets knocked right back down. Henry pushes Bryan across the top rope and lands another forearm to the chest. Bryan ducks a clothesline and a back elbow, but runs into a shoulder, sending him to the floor. Barrett grabs Bryan and throws him back in as we go to commercials.
WINNER: No contest. The brawl in the ring continues as Teddy Long confronts Daniel Bryan backstage, wanting to know what’s going on. Bryan complains about his treatment as champion lately. Long announces Bryan vs. the Big Show vs. Mark Henry in a triple threat cage match at the Royal Rumble.
End of show.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again-I LOVE Daniel Bryan as a chickensh*t heel.
As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/XDustinEFLX, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.