This week’s Impact is a special “Halloween” edition. What does that mean? Exactly squat, since shows that air on holidays are always throw-away.
Speaking of things that should be thrown away, Dixie Carter opens up the show. I hope the rumors of Billy Corgan buying this company from her are true. She thanks the crowd and says last week, AJ Styles showed his lack of vision and mental aptitude with his ridiculous actions. She served him the world on a silver platter, and he threw it in her face. Nobody walks out on Dixie Carter. From here on out, AJ does not exist to her, and he is no longer the World Champion. As for him stealing her title belt and car, go ahead and take them. Let’s call them a gift for all of your sweat equity. AJ has the belt around his waist, going from trailer-to-trailer, trick-or-treating and saying he’s the World Champion. He’s not the champion, and he’s no different than the millions of kids doing that with toy belts. It’s just a costume. What Dixie needs is a real World Champion. Someone who is great-looking, and who has all the skills to carry this company. She announces an 8-man tournament for the vacant title, and it will happen over the next couple of weeks. She introduces the first seven, who are all former champions. The first seven are James Storm, Samoa Joe, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, Austin Aries, Bobby Roode, & Chris Sabin, and are each given a little video upon announcement. What we notice is that one man is missing…
[adinserter block=”1″]Bully Ray makes his way out onto the stage, accompanied by Brooke. Dixie orders the music to be shut off, then starts to say she is going to have a gauntlet match tonight to determine the 8th spot in the tournament, something none of us will want to miss. Ray enters the ring and says she forgot one person. How is he supposed to win the title back if he’s not in the tournament? He says Dixie is a smart woman (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!), but he has one question, and that’s if she knows who he is. She knows who he is. He is the man who lost twice to AJ, and who caused all of these problems to begin with, so yes, she knows who he is. Ray says he’s not to blame for those losses. The first time was Earl Hebner’s fault, and the second time was Ken Anderson’s fault.
On this note, the lights go out and Anderson runs to the ring. The two guys trade blows as Dixie bails. Anderson stomps Ray down until security pulls him off and we go to commercials.
We see footage of what happened during the commercial break as Brooke screams at Anderson as he’s being escorted out. She tells him her “old man” is going to kill him. Seconds later, Ray assaults Anderson from behind and begins whipping him with a chain. He calls Anderson worthless. He brought Anderson in, and he can take him out. He tells Anderson not to be stupid before telling him to stay away. I notice that the camera has Anderson’s face blurred out the entire time for some reason.
AI stops Garett Bischoff in the back and asks about Bully Ray and Ken Anderson. Garett says club business is club business. Ray piledrove Anderson and ripped off his “cut”. Before Garett can continue, Knux approaches him, tells him not to talk to this guy, and says he needs Garett because Knux has a big night tonight.
MATCH 1-World Tag Team Championship: Gunner and James Storm vs. World Tag Team Champions the Bro Mans (Jesse and Robbie E)
Gunner and Storm assault the champs on the ramp. Storm sends Jesse into the steps, and Gunner rolls E into the ring. The bell rings, and Gunner nails a punch on E before hitting a chop. He hits a running knee in the corner and follows up with a slingshot suplex for 2. Gunner applies an arm wringer and tags in Storm. Storm and Gunner hit a double back elbow, and Storm follows up with a jumping kneedrop for 2. E backs Storm into the corner and tags in Jesse, and the champs send Storm into the corner. He comes back with a double clothesline, then chops Jesse in the corner. He knocks Jesse down with an uppercut, then tags in Gunner. Storm hits an inverted atomic drop, and the former champs follow up with a combination side-Russian legsweep and clothesline that looks weak as hell for 2. Gunner assaults Jesse in the corner before hitting a back elbow off the ropes for 2. Storm tags in and hits a forearm to the back from the middle rope. He applies an arm wringer and calls for the Eye of the Storm, which connects for 2 as E breaks up the pin. E hits a backbreaker out of the corner, and that’s when Gunner comes in. He shoulders E in the corner, and Jesse attacks him from behind. Jesse hits a series of elbows, and the champs send Gunner to the floor over the top rope. E hits a clothesline on the floor as Storm hits Closing Time on Jesse in the ring. He signals for the Last Call, but E pulls Jesse to the floor. Storm drags him back to the apron, and E trips him off a suplex attempt and holds his foot down as Jesse falls on top of Storm for 3.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: The Bro Mans.
We see Dixie in her office on her phone when Sting enters. She hangs up and asks if Sting heard about her announcement earlier tonight. Since she is so sick and tired of hearing about how Sting is banned from competing for the World title, she’d like to put him in the gauntlet tonight, and make him the first entrant. Sting says he has earned every single thing he’s ever gotten, and he’s never had a sense of entitlement. He then walks away as Dixie asks what that means.
We see Bad Influence in the back, both dressed up as Sherlock Holmes. Christopher Daniels says they will take on the case of the on-again-off-again monster, Abyss. Kazarian mentions the TV title, and says they plan to find that as well.
MATCH 2: Ethan Carter III vs. Norv Fernum
This is a rematch from BFG, as if anyone cared. Carter immediately hits a big boot to the face. He throws Fernum to the corner and follows up with a chop. Fernum gets thrown to the adjacent corner, then hits another chop. Fernum collapses in the adjacent corner, and Carter beats him down. Fernum gets whipped into the corner, then gets nailed with an exploder suplex. Carter rolls to his feet, and Fernum comes back with a jawbreaker. Carter quickly recovers and applies a sleeper. Fernum fights out, ducks a clothesline and hits a pair of shoulderblocks. He avoids a bodyslam and dropkicks Carter in the back. Carter backdrops him to the outside in the corner, but Fernum lands on his feet on the apron, nails a punch and hits a springboard cross-body for 1. Carter comes back with a quick pancake, then connects with the headlock driver for 3.
WINNER: Ethan Carter III. After the match, Carter says he is EC3, and he’s a Carter. The world needs them. God, this gimmick sucks. What happens to it when “Aunt Dee” is no longer owning the company?
We see Bobby Roode in the back with a doctor, and they’re watching the match from BFG on a tablet. He points out Kurt Angle knocking himself out in the match, and it’s obvious Angle was KO’ed. He says that, for Angle’s sake, he wants to make sure Angle is medically cleared to wrestle tonight, and trusts the doctor to make the right diagnosis.
ODB says she is getting her rematch for the “Knocked Up” title tonight. Gail Kim didn’t beat her for the title, and had to use her beastly friend to get the job done. She’ll take both on tonight, as she loves a good three-way. Bad Influence walk in and keep up this Sherlock Holmes crap. Daniels asks what she knows about Abyss, and Eric Young steps in. EY says Joseph Park can’t be here tonight, but tonight is Halloween, so anything could happen. He has something special for them later tonight.
MATCH 4-Gauntlet Battle Royal, with the winner becoming the 8th man in the World Championship tournament; Participants: Sting, Kazarian, Knux, Eric Young, Christopher Daniels, Manik and Magnus
Dixie Carter said this was a gauntlet. Mike Tenay says it’s a battle royal. Christy Hemme called it a “gauntlet battle royal”. That’s TNA for you. Sting and Kaz are the first two men out, and Kaz immediately hits some forearms before sending Sting into the corner. He hits a jumping back elbow before Sting comes back with a clothesline. Sting throws Kaz into the corner and hits a back body drop. He follows up with a suplex before Kaz thumbs him in the eye. Kaz tries to toss Sting, but Sting elbows him in the face before hitting a clothesline.
Knux is entrant #3, and he makes his way out as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Eric Young is out as #4. Young slides under Kaz and hits a belly-to-belly suplex. He begins hitting Knux with rights, then hits some corner mounted punches before hitting a cross-body on Kaz. Kaz gets thrown to the corner and hits some corner mounted punches on him as well. EY hits an uppercut as Sting fights off Knux in the other corner. EY tries to throw Kaz out as Sting misses a Stinger Splash on Knux. The heels take control of the faces, and Kaz tries to toss EY. Knux helps him out, but EY rakes Knux’s eyes, saving himself. He attacks Kaz from behind and throws him into the corner.
Christopher Daniels is entrant #5. EY throws Kaz out, but Daniels saves him on the way to the ring. Daniels rakes EY’s eyes from the apron, then gets in the ring to tee off on EY. He throws EY into the corner and continues the assault. Kaz makes his way back in, and BI double-team EY as Sting tries to throw Knux out. Daniels stops Sting and stomps him down in the corner as Kaz does the same thing to EY. Knux attacks EY as well, and now BI are trying a double suplex on Sting. Sting counters into his own, and we go to commercials again.
Back from the break, entrant #6 is Manik. He dives over Daniels and hits a cross-body on Kaz. Daniels receives a kick to the face. Kaz sends Manik into Daniels, but Manik catches him in monkey flip position, turns himself around and sits on the top rope. He shoves Daniels off and hits a double dropkick from the middle rope on BI. He tries to throw Daniels out, but Kaz attacks him from behind. EY and Sting double-team Knux on the other side of the ring until Daniels attacks EY. EY comes back with rights, but Kaz nails him in the head. Kaz tries to throw Manik out, but he skins the cat and hits Kaz with a headscissors on the way back in. He mounts the corner for punches on Knux as the others brawl in the ring.
Magnus is entrant #7, and he attacks both members of BI. He ducks a double clothesline and hits one of his own. Knux hits a cross-body off the ropes. Manik boots Knux out of the corner, but Knux comes back with a boot of his own. Knux tries to eliminate him with a pumphandle suplex, but Manik lands on his feet on the apron, slides under Knux’s legs and hits a hurricanrana off the top rope that sends Knux over and out.
Knux is eliminated.
Kaz then hits a springboard back elbow on Manik on the apron, and Manik hits the floor.
Manik is eliminated.
EY mounts the top rope, but gets crotched by Daniels. Kaz dropkicks him, and he hits the floor.
EY is eliminated.
Sting hits a clothesline on Kaz as Magnus hits a European uppercut on Daniels. He follows up with an elevated northern lights bomb as Sting hits a hotshot on Kaz. BI begin double-teaming Magnus, but Sting interferes. Magnus hits a misdirection clothesline on Daniels, and Kaz receives a Stinger Splash. Magnus clotheslines Daniels to the floor.
Christopher Daniels is eliminated.
As Sting and Kaz are fighting near the ropes, Magnus comes in and dumps them both over the top rope to win the match.
We see the doctor from earlier talking to Kurt Angle in the back, but can’t hear what is being said. Angle walks away when he’s approached by AI. He asks about what the doctor said, and apparently, the doctor told him to take the night off. However, he has been medically cleared, so he’s going to kick Bobby Roode’s ass tonight.
AI stops Dixie Carter and asks about Magnus qualifying tonight. She says good for him, but what she’s really excited about is announcing the brackets for the tournament, as well as a little “something-something” she has planned for tonight. She won’t say what it is, but gives a hint and calls it “The Wheel of Dixie”. F*ck. Me.
MATCH 5-Knockouts Championship: ODB vs. Gail Kim (Champion, w/Lei’D Tapa)
Can someone explain to me why Tapa not only gets her own entrance, but actually gets it before the champion? ODB immediately tackles Kim and hits some punches before throwing her into the corner. She throws Kim into an adjacent corner and hits a chop before corner-whipping her. Kim crashes to the mat, so ODB corner whips her again, this time following up with an avalanche. She goes for the bronco buster, but Kim rolls to the floor. ODB throws her back in the ring, and Kim rolls back outside. She kicks ODB and tries for Eat Defeat, but ODB blocks it and hits a fall-away slam on the floor. ODB rolls Kim back into the ring. Tapa distracts ODB, which allows Kim to dropkick her through the ropes. ODB goes face-first into the announce desk. ODB rolls back into the ring, and that’s when Kim goes for the corner figure-4. The referee forces her to break the hold, so she rolls back into the ring and stacks ODB up for a 2-count. ODB fights back from her knees before running into a clothesline for 2. Kim slams ODB’s face into the mat and applies a headscissors, standing on her hands in the process. ODB gets to her feet, breaks the hold and turns it into a single-leg Boston crab. Kim manages to get a rope break and kick ODB in the head while still on her back. ODB pulls herself up in the corner, where she avoids a running seated dropkick. ODB hits a pair of clotheslines and a bodyslam. She mounts the middle rope, hitting a Thesz Press for 2. ODB sets Kim on the top rope, and as Kim tries to get to her feet, ODB crotches her. ODB hits a falling gourdbuster from this position, but as ODB goes for the pin, Tapa jumps on the apron and distracts the referee. Kim uses the distraction to roll ODB up in a school girl, holds onto the middle rope and gets 3.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Gail Kim.
We see Bad Influence, and Christopher Daniels claims they have solved the mystery of Abyss. Kazarian says they’re going to put on their stupid costumes and go tell the world what they have found.
After some commercials, BI are in the ring. Kaz makes a stupid joke about some fan’s butt. Listening to Kaz talk is so damn painful. Daniels again claims they have solved the mystery regarding Abyss. It took all of their intelligence to crack the case, but they did the deed. They looked all over the city of Salt Lake, and based on the smell itself, they realized Abyss is right below the ring. Daniels goes under the ring and grabs a pumpkin. Daniels says this isn’t really Abyss; just another talentless vegetable. Kaz says the pumpkin has more brains than the entire Knockouts locker room, as well as everyone in SLC.
Eric Young comes out, dressed as Joseph Park. EY says he’s a scientist, and there’s no scientific proof Halloween is a real holiday. However, it is “the big guy’s” absolute favorite holiday, and everyone is having a good time. EY got a hold of him, and he wanted EY to give his favorite tag team a message. EY sucker-punches both of them, and eventually BI beat him down. Abyss’ old music hits, and he makes his way out. He takes out both with some punches, blocks a double clothesline and hits one of his own. Kaz receives the Black Hole Slam. Daniels tries to escape the ring and ducks a clothesline before running into another BHS. He stalks EY in the corner, then offers a handshake and pulls EY to his feet.
We see Dixie Carter in her office with Jeff Hardy and Chris Sabin, who will face off in the first round of the World title tournament. The “Wheel of Dixie” is behind her, and she says this wheel will determine what kind of match they will have. It lands on “Full Metal Mayhem”, and Dixie simply pats Sabin on the back and tells him good luck.
MATCH 6: Bobby Roode vs. Kurt Angle
Let’s see if Angle knocks himself out again. A lock-up starts the match, and Roode backs Angle into the corner. Angle reverses, and my feed blips for a minute. When it comes back on, Roode tries for the Bowflex, but Angle escapes, trips Roode and goes for the ankle lock. Roode immediately grabs the bottom rope and slides to the floor. Roode gets back in and hits a kneelift before clubbing Angle across the back. He chops Angle in the corner, then elbows him across the back of the neck. Angle hits a back elbow off the ropes and follows up with a belly-to-belly suplex. He hits a clothesline, and Roode goes to the floor once again. Angle follows him and hits some rights around the ring. Roode comes back with his own. Angle tries for another belly-to-belly, but Roode rakes the eyes and rams Angle back-first into the apron. Commercials.
[adinserter block=”2″]Back from the break, Roode hits a kneedrop in the ring for 2. He applies a waistlock (Taz: “a reverse gutwrench”), then turns it into an abdominal stretch. Angle counters into a German suplex, turning it into the Murder-Suicide. He holds on after 3, but Roode breaks the fourth one with some elbows. Angle ducks a clothesline, hits another German and turns it into another Murder-Suicide, getting 2. He signals for the Angle Slam, but Roode counters into an arm-drag and follows up with a spinebuster for 2. Roode goes for a fireman’s carry, but Angle escapes and applies the ankle lock. Roode rolls through, boots Angle away and applies the Bowflex. Angle grabs Roode’s foot and breaks the hold by applying the ankle lock. Roode rolls through and goes right back into the Bowflex. Angle rolls to his back and gets a 2-count, and Roode counters into a crucifix for 2. The two get up, and Angle runs right into another Bowflex. Angle rolls through, gets to his feet and connects with the Angle Slam for 2. Angle applies the ankle lock once more. Roode rolls through into a victory roll for 2. Angle gets up and runs into a Death Valley driver for 2. The fans chant “This is awesome”. I beg to differ. Angle takes Roode down with a double-leg and once again applies the ankle lock. Roode tries to kick him off, but Angle holds on, then scissors the leg. Roode gets a rope break, and now Angle is back on his feet. He sets Roode on the top rope, hits a right hand and goes to the middle rope for an Angle Slam. Roode headbutts him back down. As he tries to mount the top, Angle gets back to his feet and hits a belly-to-belly suplex from the middle rope. Angle crawls to Roode for the cover, getting 2. The referee begins counting both men out as he checks on Angle, who is pretending to convulse. Roode gets back to his feet, and Angle doesn’t make the 10-count.
WINNER VIA COUNT-OUT: Bobby Roode. Another referee comes in to check on Angle as Angle is showing his overacting skills. Some trainers and security staff also come to ringside.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
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