This week’s Impact Wrestling opens up with…a match? Really? How did this happen?
MATCH 1: James Storm vs. World Champion Austin Aries (non-title)
Aries starts with a hammerlock into a hip throw. Storm counters into a headscissors, which Aries quickly escapes. Another hammerlock into a headlock by Aries, and Storm counters into his own. Storm sends Aries to the floor with an armdrag. Back in, another headlock by Aries. Storm sends him to the corner, but Aries avoids contact. He shoulders Storm off the ropes, and a crisscross ends with a forearm to the face by Storm. Aries back drops Storm, but Storm lands on his feet and avoids a baseball slide. Aries dodges a plancha to the floor before getting in the ring and connecting with a suicide dive. On the apron, Aries connects with a neckbreaker through the ropes for 2. Aries with a rear chinlock, which Storm counters with a jawbreaker. Storm fires off a few punches and sends Aries to the corner, but Aries counters with a boot. Gut shot by Aries. They start trading open-hand chops until Aries lands a snapmare and follows up with a middle rope missile dropkick to the back of the head for 2. More punches by Storm, followed by a corner clothesline. He gets some mounted punches in, but Aries comes back with corner punches of his own. Storm boots him in the shoulder and hits a weak side-Russian legsweep. They trade punches until Storm sets up the Eye of the Storm. Aries escapes and hits a hotshot. Up top, Aries misses the missile dropkick, and Storm signals for the Last Call. Instead, he goes for Closing Time, which Aries blocks. Aries tries the brainbuster, and Storm escapes. Aries escapes a roll-up with an armdrag, and they knock each other down simultaneously after bumping heads. While referee Earl Hebner is checking on Aries, Bobby Roode runs down and sends Storm into the ring post before throwing him back in the ring. Aries nails the brainbuster for the 3.
WINNER: Austin Aries. Sorry, but this match kind of sucked. These two have no chemistry in the ring, despite Aries usually being able to work with damn near anyone.
Up next, Sting and Hulk Hogan address Bully Ray being Sting’s partner for BFG.
Sting recalls defeating Hogan last year at BFG in a “match”.
Back to the Impact Zone, Hogan and Sting are making their way out. Hogan says they’ve had a little situation since last week, “Sting-mon”. He’s not a good card player, but Aces and Eights backed him in a corner, and he cut a deal. His man, Sting is getting in the ring, brother, and Hogan has to watch as he keeps A and E out of this company. Sting is pissed off, and the group took out their first choice, Mr. Anderson. Bully Ray has stepped up, and Hogan needs to go with it. Hogan says they had to make a deal with the devil, brother.
The World Tag Team Champions make their way out on this note. Christopher Daniels says two angels have saved the day, and to let two superheroes solve the mystery. They are days away from BFG, but can still right the ship. Sting and Hogan picked the most untrustworthy guy in the locker room. They could have picked anyone, but what boggles his mind is why they didn’t pick Daniels and Kazarian. Kaz says their feelings aren’t hurt, and he has a solution with 3 parts. 1-you cancel the title match at BFG. 2-you tell Ray no thanks. 3-you call upon the man to end this threat, and choose Kurt Angle as Sting’s partner. This of course brings out Bully Ray. He tells the champs to shut up. He agrees Angle would have been a great choice. But, this is not going to be a wrestling match; it’s going to be a fight. If it were a wrestling match, yes, you pick Angle. If you want a fight, you pick the baddest “muthatrucka” in the company. This is the wrestling business, not “wrestling friends”. He doesn’t need to be Sting’s friend; he needs to be his partner. The common business they share is that they’re trying to get rid of A and E. If he’s gotta earn their trust, he suggests starting tonight, and suggests Chris-Zarian vs. himself and Sting. Hogan agrees, and makes it the main event.
MATCH 2: Hernandez (w/Chavo Guerrero) vs. AJ Styles
AJ kicks Hernandez in the leg, who shakes it off. Another kick. AJ ducks a clothesline and fires off some punches, and a kick to the hamstring takes Hernandez off his feet. Hernandez blocks a roll-up and a sunset flip. AJ goes into a waistlock, ducks a backhand and nails a kick to the head. AJ misses a corner charge, and Hernandez sends him hard into the opposite corner. Bearhug by Hernandez, but AJ elbows out. More punches by AJ, but he’s taken down by a standing avalanche. AJ escapes a titl-a-whirl powerslam (I swear Hernandez is trying to be Sheamus), and a crisscross ends with a beautiful dropkick by AJ. Hernandez is still on his feet, so AJ dropkicks him through the ropes and to the floor. AJ knocks him down with a slingshot plancha before throwing him back in the ring. Hernandez sees Superman coming, ducks and drops AJ with a Pounce for 3.
WINNER: Hernandez. Odd finish to the match there.
We cut away to the A and E clubhouse. Black Scorpion tells Hogan he’s a good chess player, and he’s put them in check. The game is far from over, though. Back to business, Joe Abyss is fine. We see Joe in the background, stuffing his face. Scorpion says it’s funny how a common cause can bring former enemies together. Bully Ray, that was a surprise, but not one they can’t handle. A few weeks ago, they posed a question to Hogan about locking them out or locking them in. Tonight, they may have to put that to the test. No matter what, Hogan will see them Sunday.
World X-Division Champion Zema Ion is out, and he says he’s proof being humble gets you nowhere. He’s broken necks and arms, and ended careers all for his title. It feels bittersweet, as this Sunday is the biggest PPV of the year, and the champ has no match because he’s taken everyone out. Stupid catchphrase is uttered before we hear Rob Van Dam’s music. RVD says it’s dangerous talking about how tough he is within earshot of the “Whole F’n Show”. He doesn’t have a match either, and it just so happens Hogan told him he could have a match against anyone he wants. RVD makes his choice by dropping Ion with a thrust kick, then raises the X title over his head.
Back in Hogan’s office, he’s complaining about Bully Ray. Sting says they have no choice. Ray enters and asks if Sting’s ready. Hogan tells Ray he doesn’t trust him, and he’s the same guy as he was two years. Ray says he’s done the same thing Hogan’s done his entire career. Hogan says he knows who Ray is, and if he slips up tonight, he’s going to pay for it. Sting starts screaming, saying they have no choice. He needs Hogan’s endorsement. Hogan says Ray has one chance tonight, and Sting tells Ray he better not let anyone down.
Brooke Hogan is talking to Taryn Terrell about refereeing on Sunday. Tara walks up and hands Brooke a PPV. It’s a media list for things Tara should have when she’s champion that her “Hollywood boyfriend” put together. Brooke reminds her she’s not champion yet and tears up the list. Tara says Kim and Chloe were right about Brooke. Too bad no one gives a sh*t about any of this.
MATCH 3: World Tag Team Champions Chris-Zarian (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) vs. Bully Ray and Sting
Guess this is the main event for the first hour and not the whole show. Ray and Daniels start the match. Daniels with a side headlock. Ray breaks free and shoulders him down. Ray drops Daniels with a clothesline before sending him to the corner for some headbutts and an open-hand chop. Sting is wrestling in a t-shirt, which tells me he’s still not in ring shape. Another chop by Ray, followed by an arm wringer. Sting tags in and hits Daniels with punches and kicks. Hip toss off the ropes gets 2. Daniels shoulders Sting and tags in Kaz, who gets hip tossed. Ray tags in, and they hit a double hip toss. Ray knocks Daniels to the floor before dropping Kaz with a clothesline. Back suplex gets 2. A chop to the chest in the corner, followed by another. Sting tags in and boots Kaz in the gut. Suplex by Sting gets 2. Ray back in, and they hit a double clothesline. Suplex by Ray before he tags Sting back in. Sting hits one Stinger Splash, but misses a second when Daniels pulls Kaz out of the way. Daniels crotches Sting around the post, and Kaz boots him to the floor. Outside, Kaz with some rights, and now both champs are on the attack. Ray chases them off with a chair as Daniels throws Sting back in the ring. Daniels is apparently legal now, and he lays the boots to Sting in the corner. Bodyslam by Daniels before tagging in Kaz, and the champs hit Sting with a slingshot elbow and slingshot legdrop for 2. Kaz ties Sting in a straightjacket. Sting elbows out, but is caught with a spinning heel kick off the ropes. Daniels in, who hits a running boot for 2. Daniels goes up top, but Sting cuts him off and launches him. Ray and Kaz tag in, and Ray drops the champs with punches. Back body drop for Kaz, and another for Daniels. He sends Kaz into Daniels in the corner, and hits them both with an avalanche. Samoan drop on Kaz (which Taz calls correctly, but is immediately “corrected” by Tenay, who calls it a fall-away slam. Dumbass) for 2, but Daniels breaks up the pin. Sting intercepts Daniels before going to work on Kaz as Ray focuses on Daniels in opposite corners. Daniels sends Ray to the floor, then Sting does the same to Kaz. Daniels tries to level Sting with the title belt, but Ray sees him coming and drops him with a big boot. Sting does the same for Ray, catching with a gut shot as he came off the top. Ray and Sting shake hands before Sting tells Ray, “Bully! Get the table!” Ray grabs a table as Sting lands a Scorpion Death Drop on Kaz. Sting assists Ray with a superbomb through the table on Daniels, which connects.
WINNERS VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Chris-Zarian. Ray and Sting continue to celebrate.
We get Jeff Hardy, who talks about chasing the World title. This Sunday, he completes his journey to success, and give himself what he deserves.
Video for Al Snow vs. Joey Ryan.
Jason Hervey asks Samoa Joe his final thoughts before BFG. Joe is ready to shut someone up, that being Magnus. The minute he won the TV title, Magnus became jealous. Magnus interrupts things and tells Joe the belt will belong to him on Sunday because Joe won’t be able to hide behind Hogan and politics. Magnus isn’t afraid of Joe, and says he’s not a champion or TV. He’s TV, and they have to wait until Sunday because he’s a business man and wants people to pay to see him.
MATCH 4: Gail Kim vs. Knockouts Champion Miss Tessmacher (non-title)
Kim boots Tessy in the face before the bell rings. Once it does, she continues the attack with stomps and a foot choke in the corner. Kim hits a running corner clothesline before hitting some forearms. Tessy comes back with a spinning headscissors, sending Kim to the corner. Kim avoids the hip bump by sliding to the floor, where Tessy dropkicks her through the ropes. Kim hotshots her across the middle rope, then lands a dropkick on the apron for 2. Kim hits a bodyslam and a knee lift. Knee choke over the middle rope, and a clothesline against the ropes gets 2. Backbreaker by Kim before sending Tessy into the corner for her body attack through the ropes. Tessy hits some weak forearms, so Kim gives her a Stinkface. I can’t believe I just had to type that. Tessy blocks a dropkick and turns it into a slingshot. She hits a running forearm and Tessticular Cancer. Up top, Kim crotches Tessy and picks her up in a fireman’s carry. Tessy counters into a crucifix for 2. Kim hits her with a sit-out powerbomb off a hurricanrana attempt. Kim goes up top now, but Tessy sees her coming. Kim lands on her feet, where Tessy hits her with a really botched Brooke Shield for the 3.
WINNER: Miss Tessmacher. Tara attacks Tessy after the match. She goes for the Widow’s Peak, but Tessy escapes and hits the Brooke Shield.
Bobby Roode tells AI he knows what Jeff Hardy is going through right now, because he did it last year. James Storm interrupts and says he knows Roode hit him from behind tonight. Why doesn’t he do it now? Roode says he’s got a match right now, so Storm slams him into a locker and says he’ll have to kill Storm to beat him. They start brawling, but it doesn’t last long before someone breaks it up.
MATCH 5: Bobby Roode vs. Jeff Hardy
Roode attacks Hardy on the floor as he’s high-fiving fans, throwing him into the guardrail. Another throw into the rails before firing off a right. In the ring, the match starts, and Roode stays on the attack with punches and boots in the corner. Hardy comes back with some punches, a forearm off the ropes, an inverted atomic drop, a double legdrop and a low seated dropkick for 2. Arm wringer by Hardy, and Roode breaks it with a corner kneelift. Hardy comes back with punches and a back body drop before clotheslining Roode to the floor. Roode tries to drag Hardy to the floor, but Hardy boots him into the rails. Hardy follows up with a dropkick through the ropes and a slingshot plancha. He throws Roode to the rails before throwing him back in the ring. Roode begs off, but Hardy continues the attack. Roode blocks a headscissors out of the corner, sending Hardy to the apron. Hardy shoulders him, but gets taken out with a clothesline when he gets back in the ring. Roode with a pair of elbow drops and a foot choke. He throws Hardy to the floor, where he goes for a suplex, which Hardy counters with his own. Commercials.
Back from the break, Roode is back in control, and Hardy’s laid out in the ring. Roode locks in a neck vice, which he turns into a front facelock. Hardy fights out, but runs into a back elbow. Roode mounts the middle turnbuckle and hits the blockbuster for 2. Hardy rolls to the floor, where Roode slams him into the steps. Back in the ring, Roode hits a neckbreaker for 2. Hardy is back up with some punches and kicks, but it’s cut short by a sleeper from Roode. Hardy isn’t out, and he backs Roode into the corner. However, Roode holds on until Hardy sends him face-first into the opposite top turnbuckle. Hardy comes off the top with a Botch in the Wind that lands really badly. Hardy hits the reverse enziguri for 2. Splash from the middle rope gets another 2. Roode catches Hardy off the ropes with the spinebuster for 2. Roode props him up top for a superplex, but Hardy fights him off. Swanton misses, and Roode hits a spear for 2. Hardy counters the Payoff with a sit-out Twist of Fate. He goes for the standard version, and Roode counters with a low blow.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Jeff Hardy. Roode grabs a chair, but referee Brian Hebner grabs it out of his hands before he can strike. Hardy gets back up and hits the Twist of Fate. Aries’ music hits and he says the night won’t end with Hardy sitting in the ring. He’s got something to say, but they’re not the things written on the sheet of stuff he’s supposed to say. Aries crumples the paper up and says people in the company have been telling him how to think, act and talk. I don’t know what was said next, as my feed cut out. I’m going to guess it had something to do with Aries wanting what Hardy has.
End of show.
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