Hulk Hogan makes his way out to open the show, likely to address the situation between Bully Ray and Hogan’s twin brother, Brooke. What’s that? Brooke’s female? And she’s his daughter? Good lord. That gene pool could use a filter. He says there’s a bunch of energy in the Impact Zone, brother. Last week, his world imploded. As GM, there’s no doubt, jack, that he runs the show, but he’s also a father. Last week, the GM and the father collided in this ring.
You’d have to be on another planet to think nothing’s going around here. He wants the truth now, so Bully Ray, you need to ‘fess up and tell him what’s going on, brother. Sabu…er, Bully Ray makes his way out. Hogan tells him to lay it out straight and correct the first time. What’s going on? Ray says Hogan doesn’t trust him, but wants to know what’s going on. He hasn’t trusted Ray from day 1. He didn’t trust him when he stood by Sting’s side, or every other week when he’s earned trust. Now, he wants answers. Hogan tells Ray to cut the crap and wants to know what’s going on between him and Brooke. Ray asks Hogan if he really wants to know the answer to that. Does he really want answers as to who the #1 man is in Brooke’s life?
[adinserter block=”1″]Brooke now joins the party. Hogan asks what’s going on. She tells him she’s not 18 anymore. Hogan doesn’t care, and wants answers. She says it’s not what he thinks. He doesn’t care, and says that, as long as he’s alive, he doesn’t want to see her with a wrestler, especially Ray. Austin Aries pops up on the big screen, calling this sad. While Hogan is wasting his time in the ring, he’s got wrestlers in the back wanting to know what they are supposed to do on this wrestling show tonight. We see Kid Kash, Kenny King and Zema Ion all around Aries, and Kash is mouthing off about where Hogan is right now. Aries lays down on Hogan’s desk and says he won’t move until Hogan gives him answers. Aries lays down, calls the desk uncomfortable and asks how anyone can lay on this thing before asking Brooke how she does it all the time. Hogan storms out of the ring as Brooke starts some really bad fake crying.
Tonight, Storm and Styles take on Chris-Zarian. Up next, Mickie James faces Gail Kim.
MATCH 1: Gail Kim vs. Mickie James
Kim quickly rolls James up in a schoolgirl for 1 to start the match. Forearm shot to the back by Kim. She follows up with an arm wringer into a top wristlock. She yanks James down by the hair, then fires off some forearms. She throws James to the corner and hits a jumping clothesline. More forearms, and the Happy Ending gets 2. Kim locks in a headscissors, and James accidentally taps, but Taryn Terrell doesn’t see it. Kim releases the hold and goes for a pin, but only gets 2. Kim goes for a leglock, but James boots her off and hits a flapjack. Up top, James misses a Thesz Press, and Kim nails a dropkick for 2. James blocks a kick and hits a Mick Kick, drags her into the center and gets 2. They trade forearms until James hits the Tunacanrana. James hits a dropkick and counters a clothesline with a neckbreaker for 2. Kim counters the standing tornado DDT and sends James to the corner. She charges in, but James pops up over her and hits a middle rope tornado DDT for the 3.
WINNER: Mickie James.
James Storm is telling AI he’s a man and he lives with his choices. But when someone brings his family into things, that’s when he has a problem. AJ Styles steps in and tells him he’s a whiner. He doesn’t get a title match for a year, and that’s really something to be bitter about. Storm says his problem is dwelling in the past and he needs to focus on the future, starting with their tag team match tonight.
We’re back in Hogan’s office now, and Aries, King, Kash and Ion are still there. Hogan storms in and tells Aries to sit his ass down. Hogan talks about the X Division and starts with King. Why should he get a title match tonight. King says that, when Hogan was out, he was lighting the division up. Ion tells Hogan he’s the only one sticking with the division. Kash points out he’s a former 2-time champion. Hogan eliminates King as the other three continue to argue. Hogan then sends Ion and Kash out to talk to Aries one-on-one.
Bobby Roode makes his way out to the Impact Zone. Last week, right here on Impact, Bobby Roode made a statement, and that statement was very clear. In 10 days, at Final Resolution, he will be your new World Heavyweight Champion. Last week was also OFN, and Jeff Hardy, you got called out. You got called out by a nobody. You got called out by a Gut Check rookie, the same Gut Check rookie that Roode laid out with one move. The same kid that Hardy was very close to losing to. Hardy doesn’t impress him. He is a real champion. Hardy is a paper champion. He will prove it at Final Resolution. With that being said, if you want to make yourself in this business and this company, you don’t waste your time with Jeff Hardy; you call out the big dog. You call out the longest-reigning champion in the history of this company.
Before Roode can finish, Christian York makes his way out and storms the ring. Roode tells him to wait up and gives him a piece of advice. This is Roode’s time, and nobody interrupts him. So take your Rastafarian haircut and your squeegee-looking ass (??) out of his ring. York responds to this by decking Roode, knocking him to the floor. As Roode leaves, York tells him that, since he wanted someone to call him out, York is doing just that.
Back from the break, and the next match is already underway.
MATCH 2: Bobby Roode vs. Christian York
Roode applies a hammerlock into a side headlock. He shoulders York off the ropes before York hits a hip toss. York hits a pair of shoulders for 1. Roode slides to the floor, then drags York down, slamming him back-first into the apron. York reverses a whip into the steps, sending Roode into them. Back in the ring, York goes up top, but Roode knocks the ref into the ropes, causing York to crotch himself. Roode beats York down in the corner, then drops him with a clothesline. Roode hits a suplex, but York blocks a dive off the buckles with a foot to the face. York fires off some rights, hits a couple clotheslines and a dropkick. Flapjack by York, and he hits a Warrior’s Way to the back, followed by the Dreamscape for 2. York calls for the Mood Swing, but Roode blocks it and looks for the Payoff. York counters into an inside cradle for 2. Roode hits the Northern Lariat as York argues with the referee, and he locks in the Bowflex for the tap out.
WINNER: Bobby Roode. Roode grabs a chair after the match, but Jeff Hardy hits the ring before further damage can be done. Hardy tries for the Twist of Fate, but Roode escapes to the floor and up the ramp.
In the Aces and Eights clubhouse, Black Scorpion is saying that people think the men they target are just a matter of chance. They lay down whoever the dart falls on. This is the holiday season, and they already got one present early. Doc has Kurt Angle next week. Devon tells Scorpion he wants what was stolen from him, that being the TV title. He was never beaten for that title, and next week, he wants Samoa Joe. If he gets that, no one gets hurt tonight. If he doesn’t, all hell will break loose.
Up next, the Gut Check judges make discuss Wes Brisco’s future.
We’re in the office of the Gut Check judges now, and we see them discussing Wes Brisco earlier today. Al Snow starts things off, discussing Brisco’s 2nd generation status. Taz says Brisco is the first contestant to win his match. Prichard agrees, but also says Brisco made a lot of mistakes. Taz points out Angle stamping his seal of approval on Brisco, which means something to him. Prichard says it means little, and it’s up to performance. There were positives and negatives.
We see Prichard in the back elsewhere, and he’s telling a stagehand to let him know when “he” shows up, because “he’s” late. As the stagehand leaves, Angle approaches him to talk about Brisco one last time. He says wrestling is in his blood, and he needs this. Prichard has already made his decision, and he’s got a show to run. D’Lo Brown walks up, and apparently the “he” that’s missing is Al Snow, who is supposed to be here by now.
Chris-Zarian make their way out for their match. Before it starts, Kaz takes the mic, referring to the crowd as “butt nuggets”. Apparently, he’s five years old. Tonight, Styles and Storm are a tag team. Kaz is sorry about Styles’ damn luck, because in 10 days, he’ll hear the words that will haunt him for the rest of his redneck life: “Your winner, and forever the better man, Christopher Daniels!” Total waste of time. Kaz is just awful when it comes to promos.
MATCH 3: Chris-Zarian (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) vs. James Storm and AJ Styles
AJ and Kaz start the match. Kaz backs AJ into the corner before locking in a front chancery. He turns it into a side headlock. Crisscross ends with AJ missing a dropkick. Storm tags in as Kaz gloats, and Storm fires off some rights. Storm hits a facebreaker and a neckbreaker off the ropes. Daniels tags in, and Storm unloads on him. AJ tags in, and they look for a double-team move. AJ was thinking a double hip toss, while Storm thought a double back elbow, resulting in only Storm connecting with anything. AJ hits a bodyslam, but misses a jumping knee. Kaz tags in, and Daniels hip tosses him onto AJ. Kaz hits a seated dropkick. Storm tags in, hits a back elbow and a clothesline. He nails an enziguri after knocking Daniels to the floor. Storm looks for the backcracker, but Daniels holds onto Kaz, blocking the move. Kaz follows up with a springboard legdrop. Daniels back in, and he stomps Storm down. Mike Tenay informs us the team will now be known as “Bad Influence”. That’s a great name…if this were the 80s. Daniels hits a bodyslam, tags in Kaz, hits a slingshot elbow, and Kaz follows up with a slingshot legdrop for 2. Kaz hits a side kick for another 2. Daniels back in, but they miss a double charge in the corner. AJ tags in, and takes them both out with elbows. He hits a roundhouse on Daniels and a back suplex into a facebuster on Kaz. Suplex into a neckbreaker on Daniels, and Superman connects. He goes after Kaz, but Kaz whips him to the floor. Daniels throws AJ back in, and they hit a double hip toss into a Villano Bomb for 2. AJ blocks a second double-team attempt by kicking Daniels. Storm drags Kaz to the floor and sends him into the steps. Storm makes a blind tag as Daniels avoids the Pele. He goes for Angel’s Wings, but Storm hits the Last Call and gets the 3.
WINNERS: James Storm and AJ Styles. Storm goes to congratulate AJ, but AJ blows him off and leaves the ring. Storm flips him off before celebrating with a beer.
It is announced that Lockdown 2013 will be in San Antonio.
Aries is in the back with Kash and Ion, and they’re all heading back into Hogan’s office. Hogan says he needs someone to stir things up tonight. Ion begins kissing his ass. Hogan tells him to stop it. Kash points out he’s wrestled RVD many times, and they’ve beaten each other. He’s been to the top twice, and he deserves one last shot, if that’s what it is. Hogan then asks Aries why he deserves it. Aries calls himself a great stick to stir the pot. Hogan says there’s only one guy who hates Aries more than Hogan, and that’s RVD. He eliminates Kash and Ion, giving the nod to Aries for later tonight.
Samoa Joe is in the back somewhere, directing his comments at Devon. He says that, for a Sergeant at Arms, the first man on the frontline, all he hears is words. Devon wasn’t beaten for the belt, but he did abandon it. He couldn’t cut it as champion, but Joe can, and that’s why he took over. Next week, come and get your belt, Devon, and you will be beaten.
MATCH 4: Douglas Williams vs. Matt Morgan (w/Joey Ryan)
Joey Ryan comes out and does the introduction for Morgan. Williams hits a forearm, but Morgan shoves him down. Morgan drops him with a clothesline. Morgan hits some back elbows in the corner before getting in a foot choke. Morgan hits a corner whip and a sidewalk slam. Williams hits a couple boots, but jumps off the turnbuckles right into a chokeslam. Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint for the 3. Sheamus he isn’t.
WINNER: Matt Morgan.
We’re in the back once again with Bruce Prichard and D’Lo Brown. D’Lo still can’t find Al Snow, even calling Al’s wife. Prichard says they’re screwed for Gut Check if Al doesn’t show up. D’Lo offers to take Al’s place in the judging tonight, should it come to that. Prichard likes that idea before telling D’Lo to keep looking.
It’s Gut Check judgment time. Wes Brisco makes his way out. D’Lo is in the ring, which I guess means they still didn’t find Al Snow. Prichard interrupts JB and points out that Al Snow is not here, and they don’t know where he’s at. He formally introduces D’Lo Brown as the replacement judge, and is a Gut Check judge on the road, apparently. Prichard makes his decision first. He’s known Brisco since he was a kid, and knows his whole family history. He’s watched Brisco grow up into a hell of a young man. Last week, the match was not great. Brisco won, but it wasn’t the best outing, and wasn’t what he knows Brisco is capable of. If he were basing his judging on just last week, his vote would be different. However, he knows what Brisco is capable of, wants to see him succeed, and his answer is yes. Taz is up next. He tells Brisco he knows the family as well. He also brings up Kurt Angle being in Brisco’s corner, and that’s big in his book. He does agree the match wasn’t great last week. Brisco is close, but not quite there. His answer is no. JB gives Brisco 30 seconds to convince D’Lo he deserves a contract. Brisco thanks Prichard for the support. He respects Taz’s opinion. He knows it’s in D’Lo’s hands now. Since he was a kid, all he dreamed about was being in the ring. He’s not doing it just for himself; he’s doing it for his fans and his family, especially his uncle Jack. All he’s asking for is a chance to prove himself. He knows he can do it. He just needs that chance. Brisco is basically in tears at this point. A “Yes!” chant starts as D’Lo makes his decision. D’Lo tells Brisco those were some powerful words. He also knows the family. He saw the match last week, and it left him conflicted. Part of him doesn’t know if Brisco is ready. But, he has to say that he respects Taz and Prichard. Kurt Angle and Prichard are going to bat for him, so if Brisco’s work is good enough for Prichard, it’s good enough for him. His answer is yes. Wes Brisco is your newest member of the TNA roster. Kurt Angle and Garett Bischoff hit the ring to congratulate him.
Hogan is walking out of his office, and AI stops him about the double elimination. He says he’s not himself today, and won’t answer that. Bully Ray stops him, asking if Austin Aries offended him, Ray and Brooke. The answer is yes to all three. If Hogan wanted Aries beaten up, why didn’t he go with Ray? Maybe because he’s confusing business with personal. Hogan then accuses Ray of the same thing before walking off.
ODB is in the back, talking to AI about Eric Young. She talks about their recent history up until last week. A and E shattered EY’s ankle, and he’s in the hospital right now. She walks off before saying anything else.
[adinserter block=”2″]We see Hogan and Aries in the back. Aries says winning the X title was the plan the whole time. Winning the belt moves him back towards the World title. Hogan rambles on about RVD, but I didn’t hear it, because there was an audio glitch.
MATCH 5-World X-Division Championship: Austin Aries vs. Rob Van Dam (Champion)
They start by trading forearms and kicks. Aries whips RVD down by the hair, and RVD comes back with an armdrag. RVD with some kicks now, and a leg scissors gets 2. RVD with some shoulder thrusts and a kick in the corner. Aries sees a dropkick coming and puts on the breaks and goes for a tope con hilo, but RVD gets his knees up. He sends Aries to the floor and hits a baseball slide before hitting a plancha to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, Aries kicks RVD to the floor. He goes for a suicide dive, but RVD stops him with a roundhouse on the apron. He drags Aries to the floor and drops him chest-first on the guardrail. He goes for the spinning legdrop, but misses. Aries hits a neckbreaker across the guardrail into the crowd. He drags RVD back to the ring and gets 2. Aries goes for a couple more pins, getting 2 each time. Spinning back elbow to the back gets another 2. RVD comes back with a kick in the corner, but Aries drops him with a DDT for 2. Aries hits a variation of Rolling Thunder for 2. Aries mocks RVD with the Five-Star, but misses. RVD hits a springboard thrust kick, and a roundhouse in the corner. Rolling Thunder connects, and the split-legged moonsault gets 2 as Aries gets his foot on the ropes. Aries ducks a roundhouse and hits a rolling elbow. RVD hoists Aries up in a flapjack, but hits a dropkick instead. He goes for the Five-Star, but Aries shoves him to the floor. Aries drags him back into the ring, grabs a mic and begins taunting RVD about crashing and burning. He then says RVD looks like Brooke Hogan, but he’s going to look like the next X-Division Champion. Bully Ray hits the ring and grabs Aries before he can leave, causing a DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Austin Aries. RVD remains the champion. Ray goes for a powerbomb, but Aries escapes and rolls to the floor. As Aries is heading up the ramp, Hogan comes out and corners him. Aries realizes Hogan isn’t out for him, and escapes the area. Hogan continues to stare Ray down as the show goes off the air.
End of show.
As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.
[amazon_link id=”B008WAM2N8″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]WWE Attitude Era DVD[/amazon_link]
[amazon_link id=”B008IG0ESG” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]WWE: CM Punk Best in the World DVD[/amazon_link]