Tonight is once again TNA Impact Wrestling Open Fight Night and we’re starting the show off with Gut Check. Wes Brisco is the Gut Check contestant for the evening, and his opponent is…Garett Bischoff. Hmm. Wes Brisco, a talented 2nd generation star with a good amount of experience, has to prove himself against Garett Bischoff, who is considered the established star in this match, despite being greener than goose sh*t? Anyone else see the problem here?
MATCH 1-Gut Check: Wes Brisco vs. Garett Bischoff
Wes starts out with a waistlock takedown. Garett fights out of the hold with elbows, then hits a takedown of his own. Wes reverses a front chancery with a hammerlock into an arm wringer, which Garett counters. Wes hits a fireman’s carry takedown but misses a legdrop. Garett hits an armdrag and misses an elbow. Kurt Angle walks down to ringside to apparently play cheerleader for this match. Garett hits a sloppy hip throw, that Wes reverses into a headscissors. The two then trade positions on the same sequence. Really formulaic thus far. Simultaneous dropkicks are attempted, leading to a stalemate. Garett shoulders Wes down, and Wes comes back with a monkey flip. He hits his own shoulderblock for 2. Garett with a side headlock now, then hits another shoulder off the ropes. The fans appear to be turning on this match fairly quickly, and I can’t blame them. They trade punches, and Wes hits a swinging neckbreaker for 1. Garett comes back with a clothesline before locking in a sleeper. Wes breaks out and hits a cross-botchy off the ropes for 2. They trade sweeps for 1 each. Garett blocks a suplex and rolls Wes up for 2 before hitting a flapjack. Wes blocks a clothesline and hits an awkward ranhei (think Kofi Kingston’s SOS) for the 3.
WINNER: Wes Brisco, who becomes the first Gut Check contestant to win a match. Unfortunately, the quality just wasn’t there. Wes is a decent performer, but if this was the first time you’d ever see him, you wouldn’t know it, as this match sucked. Angle congratulates Wes after the match.
Al Snow is in the back with the previous Gut Check winners. Tonight is their night, and they’re all allowed to make challenges on OFN.
[adinserter block=”1″]Kurt Angle is in the back with Wes and Garett congratulating both of them. He’s proud of Wes, and is very happy with the results. He guarantees Wes will be on the roster after this.
Joey Ryan makes his way out to issue the first challenge of the evening. So, tonight is OFN for all the Gut Check winners. He knows a thing or two about Gut Check, but didn’t need to win to become the biggest star to compete in it. Joey Ryan was born a star. Hulk Hogan thinks he can control Ryan and Matt Morgan by dividing them. Well, you can’t divide the Tag Team Champions, and that’s what Ryan and Morgan will become, and that’s exactly why he’s calling Chavo Guerrero tonight. While Matt is big, Joey Ryan is a giant, and everyone knows size matters.
MATCH 2: Joey Ryan vs. World Tag Team Co-Champion Chavo Guerrero
Ryan attacks Chavo before the bell with forearms. Chavo comes back with some rights and a corner whip and a hip toss. Chavo follows up with a hilo. Ryan misses a corner charge, allowing Chavo to nail a European uppercut and send him into the corner. Ryan blocks a waistlock by grabbing the ropes, nailing a back elbow to break the hold. He knocks Chavo down with a right hand. They trade some punches before Ryan nails a dropkick on a running Chavo for 1. Ryan locks in a neck vice, but Chavo breaks out and hits a dropkick of his own. Chavo hits a spinning headscissors before Ryan backdrops him over the top. Chavo lands on his feet on the apron, knocks Ryan down and hits a tope con hilo. Chavo hits the 3 Amigos and goes up for the frog splash. Matt Morgan runs in and chokeslams Chavo, causing the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Chavo Guerrero. Before Morgan can continue the attack, Hernandez runs down and chases him off.
AI is in the back, asking Austin Aries his plans for the night. Aries will be calling someone out, and they won’t need a gut check; they’ll need a reality check. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, it’ll be a family affair.
Sam Shaw makes his way out now, and will be the first Gut Check winner to make an OFN challenge. Shaw says it’s an honor and privilege to be a Gut Check winner, and being that it’s OFN, he’s calling out the first Gut Check winner, Alex Silva. Alex, get your ass out here.
MATCH 2: Sam Shaw vs. Alex Silva
Was hoping Silva would stay in developmental hell (aka OVW), but of course, TNA ignores my pleas. Silva charges the ring and takes Shaw down with punches before he even gets his ring jacket off. He hits a back body drop on Shaw as I notice he has total chicken legs, worse than even Ric Flair. Silva is playing the heel here, in case his one or two fans in the world gave a damn. Silva hits a few strikes and an elbow drop for 1. Silva hits a back elbow off the ropes before looking ridiculous in missing a legdrop. Can someone explain to me why he appears to not only be wrestling in Chuck Taylors, but has his kneepads around his ankles? Is there a point to that? Silva no-sells missing the legdrop and continues to attack Shaw with punches. He sends Shaw into the corner and hits a corner clothesline before locking in a sleeper. Shaw tries to fight out, so Silva hair-whips him to the mat. Nearly a year later, and Silva still sucks something awful. Send his ass back to OVW or release him outright, please. Silva rakes the eyes before applying a rear chinlock. Silva hits a bodyslam and stomps Shaw in the gut. He goes for a backdrop, but Shaw sort-of lands on his feet and hits a spear. Shaw hits a pair of dropkicks and a seated dropkick off the ropes. Shaw hits the 3.0, holds on and hits a hangman’s neckbreaker. Shaw mounts the top rope and hits a high guillotine legdrop that he apparently calls the Breaking Point, and this is enough for 3.
WINNER: Sam Shaw. Once again, Shaw looked relatively decent, and Silva looked like sh*t. Is it any wonder TNA got pissed at Ric Flair for giving Silva the nod?
ODB and Eric Young are walking around in the back, headed to someone’s office, apparently. They find the office, and it turns out to be Hulk Hogan’s. EY is carrying the stupid turkey suit, and says TNA does this match every year, and he wants to do it again. Hulk Hogan says it’s OFN, and he can call out whoever he wants before telling them to go. I can’t believe I have to sit through this again. They walk away and bump into the Robbies. Last year, EY ruined T’s life by making him wear that suit. Tonight is OFN, so Robbie E calls EY out, so he can wear the suit like the chicken that he is. Jesse and Tara walk up, and Jesse is bragging about his win last week. EY then calls out both Robbie E and Jesse for a 3-way “Turkey Suit Challenge”. Somewhere, Vince McMahon is pissing himself at this level of “competition”.
Video package for Aces and Eights. You should know the whole story by this point.
We’re now in the “clubhouse”. Devon says they have a lot to be thankful for, including their Thanksgiving feast. Doc is at the table as a full-patched member for the first time. A and E has some business to attend to first. Black Scorpion stands up and does the dartboard bit. The group laughs at who the dart lands on.
Video package for Christian York, the most recent Gut Check winner. York then makes his way out for an OFN challenge. For 16 years, York has travelled dirt roads to get here. Today, he feels like the luckiest sonofabitch in the world. You know, with Lady Luck on his side, it’s time to double-down. A lot of people might think he’s crazy, and they might be right, but with luck on his side, he’s calling out someone he respects and admires. If he’ll do York the honor, come on out, Jeff Hardy.
MATCH 3: Christian York vs. World Champion Jeff Hardy (non-title)
For those that may not realize it, there’s a lot of history here, as Hardy and York were in the original OMEGA promotion together nearly 20 years ago. The match starts with several reversals until Hardy nails a back elbow off the ropes. York locks in an armbar. Hardy tries to roll through, but York hangs onto the hold the entire time. Kind of a nice spot there, if I may say so. York hits a shoulder off the ropes. Hardy tries for a kick, but York blocks it, hits a mule kick, a kick to the face and a dropkick. Commercials.
Back from the break, Hardy is in control of York, sending him to the corner. Hardy goes up for Botch in the Wind, but York casually walks away, sending Hardy into the mat. York goes for a pin, but gets 2. York sends Hardy into the corner, hits a corner clothesline, and then catches Hardy with a second one off the impact of the first. York with another pin, and another 2. They botch a spot in the corner before York hits a running knee to the face for 2. I’ve noticed that the commentators are completely ignoring Hardy and York’s history together. Nice job, guys. Couldn’t have you help tell a story in this match, huh? Anyway, Hardy comes back with a reverse enziguri. He goes for the slingshot dropkick in the corner, but York rolls to the apron. York up top now, but misses a double stomp. However, York recovers and hits a half-nelson suplex. Hardy crawls to the corner, where York hits the Dreamscape for 2. York locks in an unusual submission hold, which basically looks like an inverted Koji Clutch. Hardy manages to get a rope break. York misses a corner clothesline, and Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate. York blocks it and hits one of his own for 2. York goes for the Mood Swing, but Hardy counters and hits a sit-out gourdbuster. Hardy up top now, and York cuts him off. Hardy fights off a superplex and hits a sit-out sunset flip powerbomb. Hardy hits a clothesline, a back elbow and a flying forearm. Twist of Fate connects, and it’s time for the swanton bomb. Hardy hits it and this one’s over.
WINNER: Jeff Hardy. Solid match here. York looked damn good, and didn’t look at all out of place in a main event-level match, which is very important. York congratulates Hardy after the match, and as Hardy is celebrating, Bobby Roode comes in and nails York with a spinebuster. Hardy turns around right into a spear by The IT Factor. Roode grabs the real title belt and holds it over his head, saying the title is coming back home at Final Resolution.
Video for Taeler Hendrix, another Gut Check winner who really didn’t deserve it. I hope that, for her sake, unlike Alex Silva, she took her time in OVW seriously and improved. She is approached in the back by Brooke Hogan, who calls her “Tae-Tae”, making me want to punch her. Brooke tells her to use her nerves as adrenaline and kick butt tonight.
Hendrix makes her way out for her OFN challenge. Her voice is grating. She says she has been working hard, and she wants to see how she measures up to the “Gold Standard”. Shelton Benjamin? Oh, she’s calling out Tara. Never mind.
MATCH 4: Taeler Hendrix vs. Knockouts Champion Tara (w/Jesse) (non-title)
Hendrix has a schnozz like The Cos as she offers a handshake after the opening bell. Tara swats it away before shoving Hendrix down out of a tie-up. Tara with a waistlock takedown before nailing some forearms. Bodyslam by Tara, followed by a hairmare. Hendrix hits the mat hard, but fortunately, her nose breaks the fall for her. Tara hangs Hendrix by her hair, then just drops her on the mat. Hendrix tries to fight back, but Tara drops her with one forearm. Tara kisses Jesse, and as she turns around, she’s hit with a Dropsh*t, causing Tara to knock Jesse off the apron and to the floor. Hendrix locks in a small package for 2 before hitting Tara with a hip toss. Hendrix hits a Protobomb as someone in the audience yells something along the lines of, “What’re you doing, you ugly tramp?” Best TNA fan ever. Hendrix headbutts Tara in the face, fires off some left jabs and a right, then hits what may be the worst cross-body in wrestling today for 2. Jesse screams at Hendrix from the apron, causing a distraction. Tara tries to attack from behind, but Hendrix moves out of the way. Tara puts the breaks on before colliding with Jesse, who jumps down. As she turns around, Hendrix hits her with a roundhouse, which has basically become as standard as a bodyslam in women’s wrestling, it seems. Hendrix goes for a really stupid-looking pin, and only gets 2. Tara hits Hendrix with a facebreaker before firing off a right hand, which Hendrix oversells to a ridiculous level. Think HBK overselling everything Hogan threw at him at Summerslam ’05, except Hendrix is being serious. Tara hits the Widow’s Peak and gets the 3. For whatever reason, referee Taryn Terrell feels the need to scream the numbers as she counts them.
Up next…no. I can’t do this again.
MATCH 5-3-Way “Turkey Suit” Match: Knockouts Tag Team Co-Champion Eric Young (w/ODB) vs. Jesse (w/Tara) vs. Robbie E (w/Robbie T)
I’m not recapping this match. No. I won’t do it. Sorry, Eric (Gargiulo), but I can’t.
Jesse botched a dropkick at one point. The heels do some double-teaming. Then they fight after one tries to make the pin. The women fight each other. Young rolls up Jesse for the 3.
WINNER: Eric Young. Jesse is forced to wear the turkey suit. Laughs were had by none. Eventually, EY and ODB are cornered by Aces and Eights. It’s Doc, Devon, Big Guy, Black Scorpion, The Late Brian Pillman and, let’s just call the other guy Super Destroyer #812. Devon clips EY’s leg with the bat, and Big Guy drops him with a boot. ODB has been handcuffed to the turnbuckles. Scorpion and Guy hold Young down, and Doc nails the leg with his hammer. Doc then does the same thing to the bottom of EY’s foot. Devon talks trash until Garett Bischoff and Wes Brisco chase them off. I need to come up with the name for these two. Perhaps The Wonder Twins? I’ll work on it.
Chris-Zarian make their way out for another OFN challenge. TNA really needs to find someone who can actually create decent, unique entrance music. And as much as I have always loved Chris Daniels, he does not play this sleazebag character well at all. It feels so forced. He reminds us he challenged AJ Styles to one last match at Final Resolution. Assbags like these people have been asking why. The answer is obvious. AJ is going through tough times, and what kind of friend would Daniels be if he weren’t there in AJ’s time of need? Kaz thanks AJ for proving them right all along, and he’d like to invite AJ to the ring for a “bad influence-style” ass beating, courtesy of himself (no clue what that means, either), so AJ, you hayseed, consider yourself called out.
MATCH 6: Kazarian (w/Christopher Daniels) vs. AJ Styles
Daniels decides to leave before the match starts, which means he’ll be back towards the end. Kaz starts with a side headlock. The two go into a crisscross, and Kaz takes AJ down with a double-leg that he turns into a jackknife for 2. AJ bridges out and turns it into a backslide for 2. Kaz locks in a la magistral for 2. Kaz hits AJ with a punch and screams, “You’ve failed!” before getting blasted by a dropkick that sends him to the floor. Kaz avoids a slingshot plancha by getting back in the ring. From the apron, AJ slingshots himself back in, hitting Kaz with a swinging headscissors in the process. AJ hits a backbreaker before hitting some kicks to the chest. Kaz thumbs him in the eye before whipping him in the corner. AJ blocks the charge and leaps to the middle rope, but Kaz grabs him by the foot and whips him down, forcing to him to hotshot himself on the top rope. Kaz hits a clothesline before stomping away. A standing gutwrench suplex by Kaz gets 2. Kaz drops AJ gut-first across the top rope, then kicks him in the face, sending him to the floor. Kaz does the “Gangnam Style” dance in the ring, proving himself to be an even bigger d-bag than I originally thought. AJ gets back in the ring and hits a couple elbows to the gut, but Kaz stops him with a forearm to the back. AJ slides out of a suplex attempt and hits a clothesline, followed by a back elbow. AJ hits a nice roundhouse kick and goes for a jumping corner clothesline, but Kaz slides out of the way, pulling the referee in the way in the process. AJ stops before connecting with the ref, which allows Kaz to hit a slingshot DDT. AJ pulls himself back to his feet in the corner, and counters a charge by Kaz with a sunset flip. Kaz drops down, however, and goes for the pin while holding the ropes. The ref sees it, though, and stops the count at 2. Kaz has called referee Earl Hebner “you stupid sonofabitch” about 2 dozens times in this match, effectively killing any value that curse word had. Hebner shoves Kaz after taking a berating one too many times (hey, remember that whole angle with him and Madison Rayne? Yeah, neither does anyone else), and AJ rolls Kaz up for 2. He follows up by nailing the Pele, and that’s enough for the 3.
WINNER: AJ Styles. Surprisingly, Daniels did not return in this match.
Up next, Austin Aries is going to “shed the light” for everyone, and the person he calls out will help open Pandora’s Box up. Trust him, it won’t be pretty.
[adinserter block=”2″]Aries makes his way out for his challenge. It’s not going to be a match, though, as Aries is still in his street clothes. He’s been telling everyone all night that he’s got some big things that he wants to do right now. You see, for the last 4-5 months, he’s been stating the fact that “A-Double” isn’t getting a fair shake right now. He feels like the playing field has not been even for him. He knows the deck is being stacked against “The greatest man that ever lived”. As he’s taken a look at the landscape, he’s realized there is one name responsible. One name that is the root of his problems, that is holding him down. And that name is “Hogan”. Seeing as it’s OFN, right now, Hogan, he wants you to get your fake tanned, bleach-blonde, big ugly ass out here. Wait, he should be more specific. BROOKE Hogan, get your ass out here. As Brooke comes out, Aries says he isn’t calling her out to wrestle. She’s not a wrestler, but she’s a Hogan. Aries is sick and tired of the name “Hogan”. For the last 25 years, everywhere he’s looked, it’s been “Hogan”. Every arena he goes into, these dumb people chant that name, and he’s sick of it. He bets she’s just as sick of the Hogan name, too. Being in the spotlight, Aries bets it’s hard for her to keep her private life private. He bets she’d find the man of her dreams when she was a kid, and finally give that name away. Maybe Brooke Trump or Brooke McMahon. Aries bets she never thought she’d be Ms. Bully Ray, and when she had kids, there’d be a bunch of “Bully Maniacs” running around. However, he bets her dad would never let her get rid of the name, so he’s thinking it’d become “Bully Ray Hogan”. He says Brooke looks confused before showing some footage of Brooke and Bully Ray talking in the back. He calls that innocent enough, but then asks her to explain the footage from last week, where Brooke and Ray were seemingly getting intimate in her office. Aries says that, if Brooke is that starved for attention, she didn’t have to settle for that turkey, as A-Double would’ve given her all the stuffing she could handle. Of course, Hulk Hogan makes his presence known on this note. Along with Hogan is Bully Ray, who chases Aries out of the ring. Ray then turns to Brooke as Hulk looks at each person with a confused expression. Brooke then storms off.
End of show.
As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.
[amazon_link id=”B008WAM2N8″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]WWE Attitude Era DVD[/amazon_link]
[amazon_link id=”B008IG0ESG” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]WWE: CM Punk Best in the World DVD[/amazon_link]