Not looking forward to this week’s episode of Impact. It reportedly got the lowest rating since TNA’s failed “Monday Night Wars, Part 2”, and those were some of the worst episodes ever.
Tupelo, MS again this week for the location. And, shock of shocks, Hulk Hogan is opening the show. He claims he is shocked that Hulkamania is this crazy in Tupelo. He’s also shocked at the way AJ Styles walked away from Sting and Kurt Angle, brothers. But, when he walked away, Angle took the fight to him, brother. So AJ, go ahead and join Aces and Eights if you want, because who cares? Angle is going to keep chasing you to Slammiversary, brother. From his mouth to the fans, it’s official: Angle/AJ at Slammiversary. Speaking of that event, we’re going to have the contract signing for Bully Ray/Sting for the World title. Oh, joy. TNA has been under the microscope as of late, and a man who came and saved the day last week was Abyss. Now, Hulk would like to call Abyss out and shake his hand. Abyss, come on out, brother.
Abyss’ music hits, but he isn’t coming out. How many times is TNA going to do this stupid trick? I swear it happens every couple of weeks. Hulk calls him out once more, and the music once again hits. Instead of Abyss, it’s…well, it’s still Abyss. Just in the Joseph Park gear. Park says he sat at home last week and watched in shock as his “brother” returned to TNA. All this time he’s been looking for Abyss. He can’t believe that Abyss was here. Hulk says he’s not playing, brother. They need Abyss more than ever, and if anyone knows where he is, it’s going to be his brother…
Devon and D’Lo Brown come out through the crowd. Devon says he’s not after Hulk; they want Abyss as well. He stuck his nose in club business. He wasn’t even the legal guy in the match last week. Abyss needs to get out here right now, not this piece of trash (Park). Devon promises that he’s going to take a chunk out of Abyss’ ass. Park asks who Devon thinks he is, talking to Hulk like that. Devon talks about interfering in family business. If it wasn’t for A and E, Park would never have to be looking for his brother. Devon and D’Lo are starting to piss him off. He’s had it with A and E, so let’s do this right now: Devon vs. Park in a match right now. Devon tells him to shut up. He’s the TV Champion. Who did Park ever beat? If he wants a piece, he needs to prove himself first. D’Lo volunteers to kick Park’s ass tonight. Hulk makes the match official, and I die a little more inside. Devon says that’s fine, as he’s got all the belief in the world in D’Lo. But make it clear to Abyss that Devon promises to take a chunk of his ass. Hulk tells him after Park beats D’Lo, he’s going to give Park the green light to tear Devon apart. Testify to that, brother.
AI sees James Storm in the back and asks about last week. Storm silently stares at the floor as we see what happened last week. He simply says, “Watch. Just watch.”
MATCH 1: Bobby Roode vs. World Tag Team Co-Champion Chavo Guerrero
Roode starts with a headlock into an abdominal stretch. Chavo hip tosses out. Another headlock by Roode, and Chavo fights out before getting shouldered off the ropes. Crisscross ends in a Chavo hip toss. Chavo with a drop toe-hold into a side headlock. Roode sends him into the corner, and Chavo counters with a headscissors that sends Roode to the floor. Roode avoids a plancha, then yanks Chavo to the floor before sending him into the guardrail. Roode breaks the count, then goes back on offense on Chavo before throwing him into the ring. Bodyslam by Roode, followed by a jumping kneedrop for 2. Roode chokes Chavo over the middle rope, then thumbs him in the eye in the corner. Roode hits a snapmare and follows up with a rolling neck snap. They tread punches until Roode knees him. He telegraphs a back body drop, then sends Chavo outside. Chavo lands on his feet on the apron, shoulders Roode and hits a tope con hilo. Spinning headscissors by Chavo, and he looks for a monkey flip in the corner. Roode counters and sets him on the top rope. Chavo boots him and goes for a tornado DDT. Roode throws him off, but runs right into the 3 Amigos. Chavo calls for the frog splash and goes up top, but Roode gets to his feet and sends Chavo to the floor. James Storm walks out at this point, gets in the ring with a mouthful of beer and spits it in Roode’s face.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Bobby Roode. Storm turns the beer bottle around and looks to crack it over Roode’s head, but Roode escapes to the floor before that can happen.
Kurt Angle is on his way out to the ring. He is apparently calling out AJ Styles yet again tonight.
Angle makes his way out and says the A and E thing has been going on for about a year now, and it’s gotten to the point where you can’t trust anyone. Even AJ walked out. Angle never backs down from a fight. When he confronted AJ, AJ walked away so Angle took the fight to him. Hulk granted a match at Slammiversary, and it’s Angle/AJ one more time. But Angle doesn’t want to wait until Slammiversary to kick his ass; he wants to do it right now, so bring it on. Instead of AJ, Mr. Anderson makes his way through the crowd. Anderson says Angle sounds like a woman. He needs to get it through his thick skull that AJ is not his boy, and he’s very proud to tell Angle and all of these idiots here that next Thursday, live from Tampa, FL, everyone will witness the patching in of AJ Styles. And he dares Angle to show up. He’s going to get destroyed. Angle says he doesn’t want to wait to next week to fight, so he sucker-punches Anderson and beats him down. AJ enters the ring through the crowd and nails Angle with a Ghetto Blaster. Instead of leaving with Anderson through the crowd, though, he leaves by going up the ramp.
Video for Jay Bradley now.
MATCH 2-Bound For Glory Series qualifier semi-final round match: Jay Bradley vs. Christian York
Whoever wins this match faces the winner of Alex Silva/Sam Shaw at Slammiversary, and the winner of that gets entered in the BFG Series. Bradley backs York into the corner, then shoves him. York shoves back and rolls him up for 1. Arm wringer by York into an armbar. He goes for a roll-up, but Bradley decks him. They trade punches until Bradley pancakes York and follows up with a big boot for 2. Bradley hits some forearms to the back, followed by elbows to the chin. York fights back before getting hit with a kneelift. Bradley applies a rear chinlock now, but York armdrags out of it. He ducks a clothesline and hits a springboard back elbow. Bradley comes back with a bodyslam and calls for the Boom Stick. York moves out of the way and goes to the corner, where he hits a kick to the head and some chops. Bradley reverses a corner whip, but York counters the counters into a headscissors into the turnbuckles. York hits the Dreamscape and goes for the Mood Swing. Bradley escapes, and now they trade punches. York dominates, ducks a clothesline, hits a spinning back kick and goes for a monkey flip in the corner. Bradley counters and sets him on the top rope, avoids a dive and lands the Boom Stick for 3.
WINNER: Jay Bradley. Christy Hemme congratulates Bradley on the win and asks what it would mean to move onto the BFG Series. He says he’s one step closer to the series, and that means one step closer to being your World Champion.
AI stops James Storm as he’s coming out of Hulk’s office. Apparently, Hulk laid into him and he’s pissed. He then tells AI to just keep watching.
We see A and E celebrating in the back. Anderson says if there’s any question as to where AJ’s loyalties lie, the questioning is over. He can’t wait until next week. Speaking of patching in, he tells D’Lo he’s in a bad way. D’Lo needs to kick Park’s ass tonight to get his vest back.
Before the next match starts, we see Brooke Hogan talking to Mickie James. She congratulates James on her new album. James says she appreciates that, and she’d also appreciate more spotlight at Slammiversary. Brooke says she knows how bad James wants to dominate the KO division. Next week, she’s giving James a title match against Velvet Sky. Bully Ray walks in, which scares James off. He corners Brooke and tells her to tell dad that when he gets in the ring with Sting tonight, it won’t be a contract signing; it’ll be a negotiation. He says he’ll never divorce her after she asks about it.
MATCH 3: Gail Kim vs. Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky (non-title)
Sky avoids a kick, blocks a second and trips Kim. Armdrag by Sky, followed by another one and a snap suplex. Forearm shots to the face, followed by a running facebuster. Sky stomps Kim in the corner, ducks a clotheslines and hits a spinning headscissors. Corner clothesline connects. Kim blocks an axe kick and drops Sky’s leg across her shoulder. Kim begins attacking the leg, applying a legbar and hitting some elbows to the knee. She drags the leg to the apron, slamming it across. Kim gets back in, and Sky tries to fight her off. Kim trips and hits a leg DDT. In the corner, Kim ties the leg up, then drops across the back of the knee. More kicks to the leg before hotshotting it across the middle rope. Kim applies a modified scorpion deathlock, but Sky gets a rope break. Kim then goes for a stretch muffler, which is an awesome submission that isn’t seen often enough. Sky gets another rope break, so Kim backs her into the corner and foot-chokes her. Sky reverses a corner whip, but Kim blocks the charge. Kim goes up top, and Sky pulls her down with a modified iconoclasm. Both are back up now, and Sky hits a pair of jumping clotheslines, followed by a couple of kicks. Her knee gives out on her, but she gets back up and goes for the In Yo Face. Kim escapes and chopblocks her. Sky boots her into the corner and schoolgirls her for 3.
WINNER: Velvet Sky. I’m glad Kim is staring to break out the awesome submission holds again. Anyway, she drags Sky to the corner after the match and applies the corner figure-4. ODB eventually manages to get the hold broken.
Chris Sabin is talking about Kenny King, saying he’s the king of nothing. He’s not the best wrestler either, as that’s Chris Sabin. Cut to King, and he disagrees because he’s the champion. He doesn’t call himself King just because he has lips; he does it because he’s royalty around here. This segues to Petey Williams, and he calls King a thief, stealing victories in the three-way matches lately. Petey thinks he has a solution to the King problem.
Another video for Suicide. He returns next week.
MATCH 4-3-Way Match for the World X-Division Championship: Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin vs. Kenny King (Champion)
Not one guy in this match got an entrance. Nice. King immediately slides to the floor to let Petey and Sabin duke it out. Sabin applies a side headlock. Petey counters into his own. They trade several holds and armdrag variations. Petey trips Sabin into the middle rope, but gets tripped by King and dragged to the outside, where King rams him into the guardrail. Have I mentioned how much I hate recapping 3-way matches? King gets in, where Sabin blocks a kick and trips him. Sabin fires off some knife-edge chops before getting hit with a back elbow. King ducks a clothesline and hits a Ghetto Blaster. Petey shoulders King and hits a slingshot lung blower before nailing Sabin with a dropkick for 1. Sabin rolls to the floor, and King attacks Petey from behind, choking him over the tope rope before snapping him backwards for 1. King nails Petey in the corner, then baseball slides Sabin. Corner whip for Petey, and Petey crashes to the mat. Bodyslam by King, followed by a springboard legdrop for 2. King applies a grounded abdominal stretch, but Petey fights out. King knees him and hotshots him over the top rope. Petey ducks a springboard, and Sabin comes in with some clotheslines and a forearm on King. Back suplex into a bridge gets 2. Petey goes after Sabin, but gets hit with a chop. Petey backdrops him over the top rope in the corner, but Sabin lands on his feet on the apron. Petey nails a forearm to the face, then hits a suicide dive. Back in, Petey hits a spinning headscissors into a side-Russian legsweep into a crucifix on King for 2. Petey hits a cradled complete shot for 2, then calls for the Canadian Destroyer. Sabin comes in and clotheslines him. King reverses a corner whip by Sabin, but Sabin blocks the charge and goes for a tornado DDT. King counters and hits a kick to the head before nailing a roundhouse on Petey for 2. Petey goes to the middle rope for a cross-body, but King catches him and hits a sidewinder into a backbreaker for 2. Royal Flush time, but Sabin pulls Petey down and hits a spinning back kick on King. Sabin lands a step-up enziguri on King, then puts him in the tree of woe. Petey is back up, goes for the Destroyer, but Sabin does a weird counter into a fireman’s carry. He then hits a running DVD on Petey into King, who is still tied up in the corner. Sabin hits a powerbomb, followed by a running seated dropkick. King drops him with a dropkick, then hits the Royal Flush on Petey for 3.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Kenny King.
We see Bad Influence in the dressing room. Christopher Daniels is worried about James Storm, and both members agree he’s a jerk. Daniels wants Kazarian in his corner for his match against Hernandez tonight. Kaz says Storm is afraid of both them.
We see D’Lo Brown and Mr. Anderson talking about tonight’s match. D’Lo says everything has been spiraling out of control, and Anderson blames it on D’Lo burying Wes Brisco and Garett Bischoff. D’Lo says he messed up and is going to try to fix it. Anderson says he’s pulling for D’Lo.
MATCH 5: Christopher Daniels (w/Kazarian) vs. World Tag Team Co-Champion Hernandez
Hernandez backs Daniels into a corner out of a lock-up. Daniels thumbs him in the eye off the clean break, then stomps him in the corner before choking him. Daniels goes for a bodyslam, but can’t lift Hernandez. Hernandez counters into a delayed vertical suplex. Hernandez boots him, then hits an over-the-shoulder backbreaker drop. Hernandez goes to the ramp on the outside and nails an outside-in Air Mexico. Kaz trips Hernandez from behind, and Daniels lands a clothesline to the back of the head. Stomps by Daniels, and he follows up with a Nightmare on Helms Street for 2 before throwing Hernandez to the floor. Outside, Kaz stomps Hernandez down while Daniels distracts the referee. Hernandez recovers as Daniels taunts the crowd, hitting a slingshot shoulderblock. He follows up with a clothesline and a Polish Hammer before hip tossing Daniels out of the corner. He misses an avalanche in the opposite corner, and Daniels calls for Angel’s Wings. Hernandez escapes as James Storm makes his way out, beer in hand once again. Kaz bails to the floor from the ramp, and as Daniels is distracted, Hernandez hits a Pounce for 3.
WINNER: Hernandez. James Storm takes a mic and says that Hulk told him there would be repercussions for his actions before telling him to make an announcement. That announcement is that Chavo & Hernandez will defend the titles against Aries & Roode as well as Bad Influence…and Storm with a partner of his choice. Insert stupid catchphrase.
MATCH 6: D’Lo Brown vs. Joseph Park
So much for the Park gimmick being dead. D’Lo goes on the attack with a kneelift and a forearm to the back. D’Lo hits some forearms to the face and follows up with a bodyslam. Park ducks a clothesline and hits some punches before running into a back elbow that knocks him to the floor. D’Lo follows, slamming him face-first into the apron before rolling him back in the ring. Park fights back from his knees before getting dropkicked in the knee. D’Lo hits a shining enziguri in super slo-mo, then lands a low clothesline. Park makes it to his feet in the corner, where D’Lo corner whips him. Park dodges a charge and schoolboys him for 2. D’Lo gets back up and hits a jumping side kick before hitting a corner clothesline. D’Lo hits some rights to the head before arguing with the referee. He goes back to the rights, and busts Park open in the process. Park gets up and looks at the blood, which causes him to snap. He nails a pair of clotheslines, follows up with an avalanche, and the Black Hole Slam gets 3.
WINNER: Joseph Park. Park snaps out of his daze and begins asking the ref what happened.
The main event contract signing is up next.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
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