Previously, On Impact Wrestling…Abyss continued to pretend to be his own brother, and challenged Bully Ray to fight one more time. Also, Claire and Dixie Carter continued their hideous acting jobs as TNA’s worst storyline in years continues with no end in sight.
Tonight, we get two more X-Division tournament qualifiers, and James Storm takes on Jeff Hardy in a BFG Series match in the main event.
Before we get to any matches, we need a promo, and it’s Bully Ray doing the “honors” this time. He has a huge announcement to make right now. “Hell must have froze over, because of right now, Bully Ray is going live on Twitta!” We might think he sucks, but in a minute, he’ll be trending worldwide. He gives his Twitter handle (you can look it up for yourself), then addresses Joseph Abyss. Abyss had some nuts to slap him in the face and challenge him to a match. Abyss doesn’t tell him what to do; Bully Ray tells Abyss what to do, so Joseph Abyss, get your ass out here right now! Eventually, Just Joseph makes his way out and calls for a microphone. Joe wants his answer? If he wants a piece of Ray, he’s got it. Joe wants to give Ray a legal lesson. He explains what “precedent” is, and in the matter of Park vs. Ray, he already beat Ray at Slammiversary. Ray tells him to shove his precedent, but Abyss tells him to shut up, because he’s not done. He told Ray last week he’s sick of the bullying, and so is everyone else. He’s going to continue the precedent next Thursday night, and he’s going to beat Ray again. Ray agrees to the match, and it will be a No Holds Barred match once again. Ray hands him a paper and says he needs to be worried about this. Turns out it’s a restraining order against Abyss. If Abyss gets near the ring at all next week during the match, he’s going to jail for life. He then starts to walk away, but nails Joseph with a forearm to the back of the head on the way out. Pretty sure violating a restraining order will not result in life in prison without parole, but then again, what do I know? I only studied criminal justice for four years.
We get a clip from last week where Christopher Daniels announced that Claire’s unborn child is AJ Styles’ bastard, as if you couldn’t see that coming a mile away.
We see some video from Dixie Carter talking to the Elite Beat Agents, and Anonymous Interviewer (who you can kind of see this time) is asking her a bunch of questions about AJ and Claire she doesn’t want to answer. Hey, it’s just like how she treats questions in real life!
MATCH 1-World Television Championship: Crimson vs. Champion Devon
I get the feeling that, now that Crimson got squashed by James Storm in less than 5 minutes at the last PPV, he’s going to go on a long losing streak. Not that I care, since I have zero stock in what this guy does. Crimson attacks Devon from behind before the bell rings, and tries a quick schoolboy once it does for 2. Another schoolboy gets 2, as does a rope-assisted pin in the corner. Devon’s belt is broken, so Crimson pointlessly rips it off all the way. Snapmare and low clothesline get another 2 for Lance Sackless. Devon spears Crimson off the ropes since everyone in TNA seems to be required to know that move, then follows up with a clothesline and a back elbow. Crimson crawls to the corner, and Devon nails him with an avalanche. Crimson comes back with a clothesline off the ropes for 2 with a handful of pants. Devon catches Crimson off the ropes with the standing spinebuster, and gets the 3.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Devon. Madison Rayne makes her way out for some reason. I’m guessing it has to do with her crush that no one cares about. She crawls in the ring and looks at Devon like he’s the crush. Instead, she pushes him aside, corners referee Earl Hebner and makes out with him. Because, you know, Hebner needs to be involved in a storyline.
We see that Chris Sabin has made his way to the building, and he’s going to address the fans on his future after the commercials. I really feel for the guy. I like Sabin, and his return to TNA has been a major sh*t-on. His return with Shelley as the Guns went south when TNA forgot to book them for anything, resulting in Shelley leaving the company, and just a few weeks later, he injured his other knee after coming back from a knee injury. I really think Sabin should take these as signs that it’s time for him to leave the company.
Back from the break, Sabin has just climbed into the ring. To say that he’s had a lot on his mind is an understatement. Sabin has dreamed of being a wrestler since he was a kid. This is supposed to be his dream, and it’s turning into a nightmare. It wasn’t until he got home and talked with his friends and family after this happened that everyone told him the same thing, and that was that he should consider retiring and finding something else to do with his life. A couple days ago, the doctor tells him that he came back from one ACL reconstruction, but after two, maybe it’s time to retire. Before Sabin can continue talking, Bobby Roode makes his way out. Sabin throws his sunglasses to the floor as Roode pretends to be wiping away tears on his way down to the ring. Roode takes Sabin’s mic and says this is such a sad, tragic story. He’s known Sabin a long time and to see him come out here like this and fighting back tears, it’s pathetic. Just like every other X-Division wrestler in the company, Sabin is pathetic. Sabin is pissing and moaning about his injury. Last year, it was his right leg, this year it’s his left. Jesse Sorensen is walking around with a “broken” neck. The X-Division guys take needless risks with little reward, and at Destination X, Austin Aries risks it all when he gives up his title and wrestles Roode for the World title. At the end of the day, A-Double will be just like Chris Sabin-taking the risk, getting no reward and getting his career ended just like that. Or, just like this! Roode kicks Sabin’s crutch out from under him, then stomps on his knee as he continues to trash-talk. Eventually, Austin Aries comes out and chases Roode off. Well, at least Sabin’s injury doesn’t appear as serious as originally thought, since he wouldn’t take a bump like that if it was. Still, when it comes to TNA, he continues to pizza when he’s supposed to French fry, and it’s resulting in him having a bad time.
MATCH 2-World X-Division Championship Qualifier: Dakota Darsow vs. Flip Cassanova
Wasn’t all that impressed with Barry Darsow’s kid the last time he was here. Darsow and Flip trade shots to start, and Darsow takes him down with a back elbow and a stomp. European uppercut sends Flip into the ropes, but Flip dropkicks him in the knee, sending him into the ropes. Flip hits an outside-in dropkick from the turnbuckles, then botches the living hell out of a springboard cross-body. Running forearm in the corner. Flip kicks him in the leg and then hits an ugly flipping legdrop for 2. Darsow comes back with a dropkick and some mounted punches. Flip hits a jawbreaker, a back elbow and a springboard dropkick. Backflip headscissors sends Darsow to the floor, followed by a springboard corkscrew moonsault. Back in the ring, Flip goes up top for a cross-body, but Darsow rolls through, hits an elbow drop, a knee drop and a legdrop off the ropes. Darsow’s nose is busted open. He misses a top rope moonsault, and Flip hits a hooking clothesline off the top rope. He goes back up nearly crushes Darsow’s face with a Crossfire for the 3.
WINNER: Flip Wilson. I don’t know where they found this kid, but he’s a train wreck and has no business wrestling on TV and, much like the Young Bucks, is the very definition of “indy flippy sh*t”. As for Darsow, his nose is in really bad shape, as there’s blood all over the place.
We see TNT backstage. AI asks Tessy about Gail Kim’s threats last week. Tessy shakes it off and says she’ll beat Kim again next week. Tonight, TNT has a tag match, and she thanks Tara for everything, because apparently, she’s the sole reason Tessy is champion. Well, at least she knows she’s not good enough to credit herself.
We see Taeler Hendrix “earn” her TNA contract last week, including some comments afterward about how she’s going to fight to stay in the company. Believe me, I have some thoughts on the Gut Check, and I will hopefully get them up on CCB this week.
MATCH 3-Gail Kim and Madison Rayne vs. TNT (Tara and Knockouts Champion Miss Tessmacher)
Rayne attacks Tessy from behind and boots her to the floor, where Tessy gets whipped into the guardrail. Back in the ring, Rayne goes for the pin and gets 2. Rear chinlock is applied before Kim tags in. The commentators show exactly how much this match means by completely ignoring it. Kim kicks Tessy down then nails a forearm and a running clothesline for 2. Kim lands a knee to the midsection, and Tessy fires back with punches. Kim kicks her in the ribs and throws her face-first into the turnbuckle. She hits a back elbow, but misses a springboard cross-body. Rayne and Tara both tag in. Tara with some punches and a pair of clotheslines. Snap suplex, followed by the Spider’s Web for 2. Tara sets up for the Widow’s Peak, and Kim tries to interfere. Tara boots Kim down, then picks Rayne up again and lands the Widow’s Peak. Tessy tags in and hits Tessticular Cancer for 3.
We will hear from AJ Styles in regards to Clara Peller next. When you make Ben Affleck look like a credible actor, it’s time to call it a day.
Styles makes his way out after the commercials. Here’s another guy I feel bad for. I can’t believe he got stuck in this godawful angle. The guy has been in this company since day one and is a multi-time World Champion, and this is the best they can do for him? So much for loyalty. AJ says that, first he’s accused of having an affair of Dixie Carter, and that was proven to be false. Now, Christopher Daniels is accusing Styles of being the father of Claire’s unborn child. What is Daniels trying to prove.
As if on cue (and we know that’s not possible, right?), Chris-Zarian make their way out. Kaz says what Styles does get is junkie whores pregnant. Even after last week, when Kaz tried to knock some sense into Styles’ thick, redneck skull, he is still not getting the severity of the situation. Daniels cuts off a Styles rant and says he has the truth. He’s got proof of Styles being the father of Claire’s baby. Styles tells him to shut his mouth. This is about Styles and Daniels, and no one else. This started at Destination X last year. Daniels wanted the match because he had something to prove, and he proved what a jealous jerk he was when Styles’ hand was raised in that match. The difference this year is Styles wanted the match, and it’s a Last Man Standing Match. Here’s the kicker-Daniels is an old man, and Styles is going to prove it at Destination X. Not sure I really get the old man comment, since they’re about the same age, but whatever. TNA is really stacking the card for Destination X this year, which is just fine with me.
We see Hogan interviewed by AI about Roode/Aries at Destination X. Hogan is excited, but before he can continue, some guy in a headband and sunglasses hands him a paper and says that they aren’t cowards. Hogan opens the paper, and it’s a picture of a Dead Man’s Hand, with a note that says “See you next week!” Hogan is confused, then orders the technician to go find that guy. In case you’re wondering, Aces and Eights is the name of the 3 masked guys that attacked Sting a few weeks ago, and the angle was spoiled when a Twitter account was created for these guys before their name was ever announced. Still not sure who the guy in the glasses and headband was, as he didn’t look familiar, but there you have it.
We get a video package for Jeff Hardy talking about the BFG Series and his match tonight with James Storm. It’s great that the video is highlighted by Hardy botching a Twist of Fate on RVD and Storm botching a Last Call on Crimson.
MATCH 4-World X-Division Championship Qualifier: Kenny King vs. Lars Only
Kind of surprised to see King here. Isn’t he still under contract to ROH (Editor’s note: No) ? Also, Tenay said it was “great to see him back”. When was he here in the first place? Still not sure why WWE hasn’t signed King yet, but whatever. I don’t know who this Lars Only guy is, other than he oh-so-cleverly took his stage name from Lars Ulrich and Jerry Only and is portraying a rocker. As for King, I’ve always liked him, so I’m more than okay with his appearance here. King backs Only into the corner then gives a clean break. King goes for a side headlock, and Only reverses into a hammerlock. King counters into a Japanese armdrag, so Only slaps him and lands a standard armdrag. Drop toehold into the ropes, followed by a cross-body to the back and a kick to the face from the outside for 2. A dropkick sends King to the floor, but King quickly gets back in the ring and nails a jumping roundhouse for 2. King tries for a suplex, but Only blocks it with a knee and turns it into a small package for 2. King gets back up and drops Only before throwing him to the floor. King follows, and Only slaps him. He tries for a headscissors on the floor, and King blocks it into a hotshot onto the apron, followed by a running somersault plancha from the floor to the apron. Back in the ring, King gets 2. Only fights back with some punches, and blocks a kick from King. He spins King, and King turns it into a version of the Dragon Whip for 2. King hits a bodyslam but misses a springboard legdrop. Only hits a paire of clotheslines and a botched headscissors, sending King back to the floor. He goes for a plancha, but King sees it coming. Only runs the apron and catches a hurricanrana after swinging off the ring post. Back in the ring, a schoolboy by Only gets 2. He drags King to the middle rope for a tornado DDT, but King throws him off. Only grabs him in a cravat and hits a…I don’t know what the hell it was, but it was botchtastic. This gets 2. He mounts the middle rope and King follows. Only pushes King off, and King backflips to the mat and lands a running kick to Only’s head. He picks Only up in a fireman’s carry into a modified uranage for the 3.
WINNER: Kenny King. Not his best performance, but serviceable. Wasn’t impressed by Only. Christy Hemme stops him for an interview. He says he’s not here to play games, he’s here to be noticed. He’s got a lot riding on this, so if we thought that was something special, we ain’t see nothing yet. At Destination X, a King is going to be crowned.
Video package for Austin Aries, hyping up the match at Destination X. Nice little video package. Nice to see one for someone other than James Storm for a change.
Backstage, we see Aries congratulating King for his win. King says it’s an honor to fill Aries’ big shoes before walking away. AI reminds Aries he’s supposed to give up the belt for tonight. Aries says he will still hand it over, and he will then go on to become World Champion.
We get the leaderboard for BFG, and none of the points have changed. Storm is still in the lead at 36 points, with Samoa Joe in 2nd with 27.
MATCH 5-Bound for Glory Series Match: James Storm vs. Jeff Hardy
Tenay reminds us for the 812th time we’ll find out the location for BFG tonight. Storm starts off with an arm wringer, and Hardy counters into a hammerlock, which he tries to turn into the Twist of Fate, but Storm shoves him off. Storm goes into a side headlock, which leads into a criss-cross sequence. Storm goes back to the arm wringer and follows up with a snapmare for 2. A sweep by Hardy gets 2 as well. Hardy with a side headlock now. Hardy boots him off the ropes and looks for the Twist again, but Storm shoves him off and tries for the Last Call, which Hardy sees coming. Hardy throws Storm to the floor. Eventually, Storm gets back in the ring on his own. Hardy charges in, but Storm jumps to the floor again. He gets back up on the apron a second time and finally gets in. This match is going at a snail’s pace. The two tie-up, and there’s a clean break as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, Hardy has Storm in a rear chinlock. Do we really need more restholds here? Storm gets up and backs Hardy into the corner, where he lands a couple shoulder thrusts. Hardy tries to counter a corner whip into Whisper in the wind, but Storm catches his legs, Hardy turns this into a headscissors for 2. They trade a couple punches before Storm comes back with a forearm and a clothesline. Hardy comes back with the same two moves. He follows up with an inverted atomic drop, double leg drop and low dropkick for 2. Storm lands a back elbow out of the corner and botches a Noose Swing for 2. Storm charges at Hardy, and Hardy back drops him to the floor. As Storm gets back up, Hardy dropkicks him away and lands a plancha to the floor. Both guys get back in the ring before the 10-count, and Storm is the first to his feet. Hardy eventually gets back up as well, and Storm takes him down with a clothesline. Both men are down, and Brian Hebner begins the standing 10-count. Storm crawls to the corner, and Hardy does the same on the opposite side. Storm charges in, but misses a corner splash. Hardy hits a reverse enziguri and a slingshot dropkick in the corner. Up top for the swanton bomb, but Storm rolls out of the way. Storm goes up now and channels his former partner Chris Harris with an elbow drop for 2. Storm goes to the corner and signals for the Last Call, but Hardy can’t stand up. Hardy gets up a few seconds later, ducks the kick and lands the Twist of Fate for 3.
WINNER: Jeff Hardy, who picks up 7 points and ends Storm’s undefeated streak since “returning”. Storm acts all pissed off, despite the fact that he’s still in 1st place by 9 points, but he eventually shakes Hardy’s hand. Hardy now ties with Magnus for 3rd with 14.
We now get a video for Kurt Angle splitting Samoa Joe open with a headbutt from back when he debuted. Not sure what the point of that was, as Taz and Tenay completely move onto the Destination X card with no explanation. Watching that video, I really do not miss hearing Don West orgasm all over the place every week, BTW.
Hulk Hogan is headed to the ring. Aries forfeits the X-Division title after the break.
Before we get to the Hogan/Aries segment, Mike Tenay and Taz announce where BFG will be taking place. Turns out it’s Phoenix, AZ. Of course, they fail to mention at what venue it’s taking place.
We get another Kurt Angle video. This time, he’s talking about how great Mr. Anderson is. Huh? We then segue over to Anderson, who rambles on about winning. Next week, Anderson/Angle in a BFG Series Match is the main event. We will also see Tessy defend her title against Gail Kim, and Bully Ray take on Joseph Abyss in a No Holds Barred Match.
End of show.
So-so show here. Nothing horrible, but nothing great.. Well, as far as in-ring action goes. That AJ Styles angle is still balls. While I’m glad Aries is getting a push, I have a feeling it’s going to be all-for-naught, as Roode will likely drop the belt to Storm, and we won’t see Aries in the main event again for a while.
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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.
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