Tonight is the final Open Fight Night of the year. I wish it was the final OFN ever.
The show opens with Bully Ray making his way down to the ring. He says it’s very obvious that over the past couple of months there is no doubt he and Hulk Hogan cannot get along. He doesn’t know what he has to do to prove to Hogan that he can be trusted? He has a lot of respect for Hogan, and since it’s OFN, he wants to call Hogan out. He doesn’t want a fight, though; he wants to talk. Hogan’s music hits, but he isn’t coming out. Eventually, Brooke Hogan skanks her way down to the ring. Ray wants to know where her dad is. Brooke says he’s not here, and he knows about her and Ray. Someone must’ve told him about them. They need to go see him, and she wants to show him that Ray is the man she knows him to be. After a couple seconds, the two leave together and continue discussing this crap up the ramp.
[adinserter block=”1″]As the commentators are discussing tonight’s show, Austin Aries makes his way out for an OFN challenge. Aries is going to make this short and simple, as he isn’t getting paid by the hour. This is OFN, but last week, everyone saw he had Jeff Hardy defeated, and should be the World Champion. Everybody knows that A-Double is and will always be the main event. So, when he had Hardy pinned, the man he’s going to call out screwed him, and that man is Bobby Roode. He can’t be mad, though, because he did the same thing to Roode. Now they’re even, but they’re going to break that tie tonight and settle things in the ring, like men, unlike Jeff Hardy. They will see who truly deserves to face Hardy for the title. But we’re not going to do it right now. The only place Roode and Aries should be wrestling is in the main event. This will be the last main event of the year, so let’s do it right. Let’s take Roode and put him in the ring with Aries, and we’ll find out who will be the man to finally take Hardy out once and for all.
Samoa Joe is out next to make a challenge. Tonight is OFN, and he has come to pick a fight. Aces and Eights, it seems like every week, you send out a goon in a mask with a hammer to hit people from behind. Let’s see how well you do face-to-face. He calls the masked man out, and he’s not only going to choke him out, but he’s going to take the mask off as well.
MATCH 1: Samoa Joe vs. Thing 1
Joe immediately lays in some forearm shots, then fires off some rights. Joe hits the hip bump in the corner, followed by a spin kick to the head. Thing rakes the eyes, then hits a clothesline. Kicks and punches by Thing, followed by a choke over the middle rope. Thing drops a leg across the back of Joe’s neck in the ropes for 2. Rear chinlock is applied, but Joe elbows out. Thing stops him with a knee and an elbow, but misses an avalanche in the corner. Joe hits a step-up knee strike in the corner and sets Thing up for the Muscle Buster, but Thing punches Joe. He comes off the middle rope and Joe catches him in an inverted atomic drop. He follows up with a running boot and senton. He locks in the Kokina Clutch, and Thing passes out.
WINNER: Samoa Joe. Joe signals that he’ll take the mask off, but before that can happen, Brian Pillman and Thing 2 hit the ring. He boots them both down, then bails when Black Scorpion, Devon and DOC hit the ring.
We see the Robbies in the back, and E is saying tonight is their night to make names for themselves. Jesse walks by on his cellphone, and E calls him a hamster. He asks where Tara is, bro. Jesse calls E a girl. They call each other bro and dude approximately 812 times each. Jesse says these are fighting words, so E challenges Jesse to a “Bro Off”, since this is OFN. I think everyone’s IQ just dropped about 10 points after witnessing that exchange.
Kenny King and Christian York in the back, and King is complementing York on his work since joining TNA. He tells York to take notes on King’s match tonight when he beats RVD one more time.
The Robbies make their way out, and E calls this “Open Bro Night”, because he’s calling out the fake Robbie E, that being Jesse Godderz. Get out here, Jesse, so he can show you what it’s like to be a real bro. Jesse and Tara head out to the ring, and Jesse calls E “scooter”. E says this is a “Bro Off”, bro, and there’s three rules: 1) It’s every bro for themselves, bro. Rule B) Everything you do has to end in a bro. Because E is the bro veteran, bro, he’s going to go first, bro. DJ, hit his music, bro. He forgot rule 3. Anyway, this is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen on TNA, and that’s saying something. Basically, the segment is a dance competition. Jesse thinks he’s Chris Masters, too. I hate this company. E says Jesse wasn’t as bad as he thought. There were two problems: first, it’s bros, not hoes. Problem number 3, Jesse is DQ’ed for ending his routine with “dude” and not “bro”. E announces himself as the winner, but T interrupts and says there’s one more bro to go. He then does a bunch of posing. Kill me now. T then begins dancing. Seriously. Kill me now.
Up next, RVD makes his OFN challenge.
RVD makes his way out, and the World X-Division Champion says his efforts have elevated the X-Division to a new level. To continue on that path, he needs to confront uprising issues as he’s able, like he can on OFN. He says the person he’s going to call out is new and has everyone talking. Everyone wants to see this, so come on out…Christian York.
MATCH 2: World X-Division Champion Rob Van Dam vs. Christian York (non-title)
Standing switch to start, and York takes RVD down with a dropkick to the knee. Crisscross ends with a punch by RVD, but he misses a spin kick, and York capitalizes with a half-nelson suplex. RVD blocks a kick, but York spins through and nails a different kick. A headscissors takes RVD to the floor. Back in, York hits a missile dropkick to the back. He calls for the Mood Swing, but RVD escapes. York ducks a clothesline and hits the Mood Swing for 2. RVD comes back with some forearms and sends York into the corner. York mounts the middle rope and catches RVD with a knee to the face as he attempts a monkey flip. York goes for the pin, getting 2. Up top once more, but RVD knocks York to the apron. York shoulders an incoming RVD, then goes back up top again, hitting a double stomp to the back for 2. York misses the Dreamscape, and now they trade punches. RVD counters a headscissors out of the corner and hits a sidewalk slam. Split-legged moonsault by RVD gets 2. RVD blocks a roll-up and hits a springboard sidekick, followed by Rolling Thunder. RVD hits the Five-Star Frog Splash, and this one’s over.
WINNER: Rob Van Dam.
We’re now in the Aces and Eights clubhouse. Devon is telling the gang that, whoever this guy is he has in mind to add, needs to be added. He’s just who they’re looking for, and they need to make him feel welcome. DOC enters the room with two strippers, and Devon wants to know if things will work out. He says they’ll work out just fine.
Yet another Joe Abyss/OVW training video.
We see Christopher Daniels enter some area full of merchandise, and Kazarian is setting things up on a table. They’re wondering where their merchandise as a team is. AI asks what their plan is, and Daniels says that, although Christmas is over, they’ve got one more present to give to everyone. Kaz grabs a stack of AJ Styles shirts before leaving with Daniels.
Bobby Roode is now talking to AI about tonight. He knew Aries would call him out, as he’s predictable. After he beats Aries, he’s going to walk into Genesis and take the belt from Jeff Hardy.
1.3.13 video. It’s for Sting. Again. I guess TNA forgot they did this exact same thing about two years ago.
Christopher Daniels dances his way down to the ring to make the next OFN challenge. Greetings and salutations, all you ham sandwiches (??). Now, everyone knows him. He’s not just the face of Impact Wrestling; he’s a ring general, a national treasure, and the man with the rear that makes the girls cheer. Everyone knows he had a great 2012, and he wants to give back to all the little people. He knows everyone’s sad AJ Styles hasn’t been around in a while, so his present to everyone tonight involves AJ. He knew it was supposed to be one last time, but that will never be the case. So, let’s do this one more time, AJ. AJ’s music hits, but it turns out to be Kaz wearing AJ’s ring gear. Daniels asks if he’s ready to do this one last time, again? Kaz does a lame AJ impersonation in response, basically saying he can’t beat Daniels, no matter how hard he tries. He then makes a reference to Claire Lynch, and Daniels cuts him off, saying no one wants that. He apologizes, saying we won’t get AJ/Daniels one more last time, but the audience does have permission to worship them now. Chavo Guerrero’s music hits, and he & Hernandez make their way out. Chavo calls them clowns, having fun at everyone else’s expense. He thinks their 2012 was a little better than Bad Influence’s, and seeing that this is OFN, they’re going to make sure Bad Influence’s year ends bad, with a foot up the rear.
MATCH 3: Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) vs. World Tag Team Champions Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez (non-title)
Bad Influence attack the champs as they’re entering the ring. The champs reverse a double whip, sending the heels into each other. Chavo then hits Kaz with a dropkick. Double back elbow by the champs, followed by a hilo by Chavo and a splash by Hernandez for 2. Chavo tags in and hits a tope con hilo off a bodyslam by Hernandez. Kaz rakes the eyes and tags in Daniels, who runs into a hip toss. Hernandez tags in and hits a bearhug suplex. Chavo back in, who hits a double axe handle to the back. Chavo beats Daniels down in the corner, and Hernandez is back in. He bodyslams Chavo onto Daniels before hitting a low dropkick. Hernandez shoulders Daniels in the corner, then hits an avalanche. He applies a front chancery before letting go and hitting a back body drop. Commercials.
We’re back, and Hernandez is hitting a delayed vertical suplex on Daniels. Kaz grabs Hernandez from behind after the move, holding him in place for Daniels, but Hernandez ducks, causing Daniels to knock Kaz off the apron and to the floor. He follows up by clotheslining Daniels to the floor. Back in, Hernandez misses the slingshot shoulderblock. Daniels clubs Hernandez across the back, then tags in Kaz, who hits some mounted punches. Daniels back in, and they hit a double corner whip. Daniels tags in Kaz, and they hit the slingshot elbow/legdrop combo for 1. Kaz applies a front chancery before sending Hernandez to his team’s corner. He reapplies the front chancery, then hits some forearms in the corner. Daniels back in, and he hits a forearm in the corner before Kaz hits a spinning heel kick for 1. Daniels rakes the eyes and goes for some corner punches, but Hernandez shoves him off and hits a Pounce. Kaz and Chavo tag in, and Chavo does the typical hot tag moves. Monkey flip out of the corner, followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Chavo goes for the 3 Amigos and twists on the third suplex for 2 as Daniels breaks up the pin. The heels hit the Hart Attack for 2. They go for a double back body drop, but Hernandez holds onto Chavo’s foot, and he winds up back dropping Kaz to the floor before hiptossing Daniels over. Chavo hits a suicide dive to the outside, followed by Supermex by Hernandez. Back in, Chavo hits another tope con hilo on Kaz for 2. Kaz fights Chavo off in the corner from the apron, but misses the Superman. Chavo goes up top and hits the frog splash for 3.
WINNERS: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez.
AI is asking Jeff Hardy about his levels of respect for Roode and Aries. Hardy calls them both great in the ring, but outside the ring, he doesn’t care for either of them at all. AI asks about his plan for revenge. Hardy says it will come soon, but he’ll enjoy them beating each other first.
Video package for Aces and Eights.
We’re back in A and E’s clubhouse, and we see DOC, Black Scorpion and Devon talking to someone off-camera. BS is glad this person agreed to see them. Devon says he’s the right man for the job. BS says he has to give Devon some credit-he thought he could bring some assholes in to do the job. The camera pans over to see that Mr. Anderson is the mystery man. Anderson recalls what happened the last time they met, but Devon assured him he’d be safe here, so he’s all ears. Devon says this will be tough. They have a certain agenda that needs to be attended to. It might be physical, then…even more physical. Devon says this as the third-rate strippers begin fawning over Anderson. Anderson says they drive a hard bargain, but this is something he really wants to do. He asks for some time to think about it, and Devon agrees as Anderson leaves with the strippers.
Gail Kim is the next one out to make a challenge. Tonight is OFN, and she knows exactly who she’s calling out. 2012 was her year. She was the longest-reigning KO champion in the history of TNA until someone ended her reign with a fluke victory. So, she’s ready to end that chapter and erase those bad memories before she regains her gold in 2013. So, she’s calling out Miss Tessmacher.
MATCH 4: Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher
Lock-up to start the match, with Kim hitting a takedown. Another lock-up, and Kim turns it into an arm wringer before turning it into a keylock. Tessy counters with a jackknife for 1. Kim misses a charge in the corner, and Tessy stomps her down. Tessy hits the corner hip bump and follows up with the Stinkface. Kim rolls to the apron, where Tessy clotheslines her to the floor. Tessy throws her back in, and Kim cuts her off on re-entry. Back suplex by Kim gets 2. Kim props her up in the corner and goes for a super hurricanrana, but Tessy holds onto the ropes, sending Kim crashing to the mat. Tessy locks in a hanging Dragon Sleeper, then hits a flying clothesline for 2. Kim kicks her in the head, sends Tessy into the corner and follows up with the body attack through the ropes. Kim whips Tessy down by the hair, then rubs her ass in Tessy’s face. She goes for another back suplex, but Tessy counters into a bulldog. Tessy fires off some rights, a couple clotheslines, a forearm and a hurricanrana. She shoves her crotch in Kim’s face in the corner, then hits a Shout-Out for 2. She goes for the Brooke Shield, but Kim hits an elbow to the back of the head to break it. Tessy blocks a clothesline and hits a hooking clothesline before going up top. She misses a flying elbow, and Kim hits her with Eat Defeat for the 3.
WINNER: Gail Kim.
Austin Aries and Bobby Roode are headed to the ring. The main event is up next.
MATCH 5: Bobby Roode vs. Austin Aries
Lock-up starts the match, they get a clean break in the corner, then duck each other’s strikes. Roode applies a hammerlock, and Aries counters into one of his own. Roode hits a drop toehold and applies a front chancery. Aries reverses and does the same thing, then slaps Roode across the back. They boot each other off a handshake, and now we’re back to a lock-up. Roode turns it into a side headlock before shouldering Aries down. They start a crisscross, but Aries goes down, feigning a knee injury. Roode isn’t buying it, and kicks Aries in the knee. Roode’ left ear is bleeding for some reason. Aries comes back and sends Roode to the floor. He goes for the suicide dive, but Roode is back in the ring before it happens. They shove each other as we go to commercials.
[adinserter block=”2″]Oh, wait. Before that can happen, we see Jeff Hardy watching this match, and we get one of his dumba#$ inner monologue promos. I hate this crap. Total bush league.
We’re back, and Aries is in control with punches. Roode comes back with a suplex, but misses a jumping knee. Hardy seems to be gone, which I guess means that stupid clip was pre-recorded. Brilliant. Anyway, Aries misses a jumping elbow, and Roode sets him up top. Aries fights him off and they box each other’s ears. Eventually, Aries gets the best of it, knocking Roode back down to the mat. Aries misses the missile dropkick, and Roode calls for the spear. He goes for it, but Aries counters into the Last Chancery in a beautiful spot. Roode breaks the hold by raking the eyes, then applies the Bowflex. Aries goes to the eyes this time, breaking the hold. Roode fires off some rights in the corner, and they begin trading strikes. Roode begs off, then sneaks in a pin with his feet on the ropes. The ref sees it and calls for the break. Aries then rolls Roode up with a handful of tights, and the ref once again sees it, calling for a break. Aries argues with the ref, and turns around right into a spinebuster by Roode for 2. Roode goes outside for a chair, but it gets taken away. As Roode is now arguing with the ref, Aries blasts him with the rolling elbow for 2. Aries goes outside for the chair, and referee Earl Hebner gets it from him. Aries begins to argue, and Roode does the same thing. They decide to double boot Hebner in the gut and throw him to the floor. They start to fight over the chair as Jeff Hardy’s music hits. He comes in from behind and drops them both with a double clothesline. Aries gets clotheslined to the floor, and Roode is hit with the Twist of Fate.
End of show.
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