Last week on Impact…read last week’s recap.
Live in the Impact Zone, Mike Tenay decides one recap video for last week wasn’t enough, so now we get another one. This Aces and Eights thing is already completely played out. Did TNA learn nothing from the nWo having WAY too many members?
The World Champion, Austin Aries, makes his way out. He has right arm taped up, a result of the AandE attack last week. Aries says he always gives credit where it’s due, and last week, AandE pulled out all the stops. Something like 20 guys created a diversion while 6 others smashed his arms. There has been a lot of speculationg as to whether he’ll have to give up the belt as a result. AandE made two miscalculations. He has not been medically cleared to wrestle tonight, but he doesn’t have to be cleared to fight. Miscalculation number 2: he’s left-handed. They went after the wrong hand. He’s standing in the middle of this ring by himself, and it’s obvious the group wants the belt. The belt is right here, so he wants whoever is responsible for all of this to come out and fight him right now.
Suddenly, The Black Scorp…err…leader of AandE appears on screen, flanked by the rest of the members of the group. First, he’d like to thank Hogan and Sting for the opportunity to say what’s on their mind. The one thing the group has always done is things on their time, on their terms. If they say they’re going to do something, they’re going to do it. They’ll be down later on, and everyone will see what AandE is all about.
Tonight, in BFG Series matches, Kurt Angle takes on Jeff Hardy, Samoa Joe takes on AJ Styles, and James Storm vs. RVD, which is next.
…But before that happens, we see ODB on her cellphone, apparently leaving another message for Eric Young. She says if he doesn’t call back within 10 minutes, they’re done. This leads into a video with her constantly calling back and saying she’ll wait longer, before ending it with saying she’s giving him until next week.
MATCH 1-Bound for Glory Series Match: Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm
RVD is tied with Bully Ray for 4th while Storm is in 1st with 66. Tie-up to start, with RVD going into a waistlock. Storm elbows out. Hip throw into a side headlock by Storm. RVD gets back up, with Storm hanging on. RVD finally counters with a nice back suplex…that Storm completely no-sells before going back into the headlock. RVD finally breaks free, receiving a shoulder off the ropes by Storm. Crisscross follows, ending with Storm ducking a kick and landing a forearm to the face for 2. Storm beats RVD down in the corner before nailing an uppercut. He charges in, and RVD answers with a forearm. RVD is now in control with punches. RVD sends Storm out off a reversed corner whip, but Storm lands on his feet on the apron. He tries to slam RVD’s head into the turnbuckle, and RVD blocks it before nailing a kick to the head, sending Storm to the floor. Follows up with a slingshot plancha, leveling Storm before the commercials.
Back from the break, Storm catches a neckbreaker off the ropes for 2. RVD sends Storm to the corner with a step-over spinning heel kick. Roundhouse in the corner by RVD, followed by a springboard side kick. He looks for Rolling Thunder, which connects for 2. Storm gets to his feet and nails a spinning back kick, following up with an awful running DDT for 2. Think Undertaker’s running DDT off the ropes, but with a really sloppy landing. Storm goes into a front chancery and signals for the Eye of the Storm. He hits it, albeit in a sloppy manner, for 2. RVD climbs to the corner, where he gets hit with an uppercut. RVD counters a corner whip and nails a monkey flip. He goes for another one, but jumps right into a Last Call for the 3.
WINNER: James Storm, who picks up 7 points, bringing his total to 73 and guaranteeing his spot in the final four. Christy Hemme stops Storm for an interview, congratulating him. Storm says he did exactly what he said he was going to do, and that was win the BFG Series and then move onto the World Championship.
Madison Rayne is on her way to the ring, likely for something inane.
Before the match starts, Rayne takes a mic. This should be stunning. She says she received a phone call earlier this week from Brooke Hogan, informing her of this match on Impact. Obviously, Miss Hogan has come to her senses, and she’s being granted a rematch for the Knockouts title that someone cost her a few weeks ago. That someone is Taryn Terrell, who is the referee this time as well, BTW. Instead of the champion, Miss Tessmacher coming out, we get one-half of the Knockouts Tag Team Champions (yes, those belts still exist), ODB. ODB says she’s got some bad news. She also got a call from Brooke Hogan, and she has a match tonight as well. Turns out their each other’s opponents, and apparently, “the bitch is back”. Rayne tells ODB to hold on, saying she’s not ready for this. She tells Taryn to do her job and hold ODB back and then ring the bell so she can make this trailer park trash famous for a few minutes.
MATCH 2: Madison Rayne vs. Knockout Tag Team Co-Champion ODB
ODB spits a mouthful of booze in Rayne’s face before hitting a pair of clotheslines. Rayne is in the corner now, where she’s hit with an avalanche. ODB hits the Bammm! and gets the 3.
WINNER: ODB. After the match, Eric Young, the other half of the champs, heads out. He’s in a suit, carrying a bucket of KFC and some beer in an ice bucket. ODB starts eating as she looks him over. She asks where the hell he’s been. She sent him out for chicken and beer months ago. Young says he’s been in Hollywood, doing very well with his new show. ODB says she appreciates the chicken and beer, but wants to know who the hell he is. Where is her husband? Where is EY? This is not the guy she married. Young says she’s right, and that this doesn’t feel right. As you would expect, he takes his suit off and marches around in his underwear. ODB jumps into his arms as we’re treated to a fried chicken-assisted public dry hump.
Why do I get the feeling that, even though Claire Lynch is gone from TNA, this storyline isn’t actually over yet?
Styles is in the back, talking about how he’s glad this is all over. For now, he needs to be in the final four for BFG, and he has to go through Samoa Joe to make that happen.
Up next, we hear from the Gut Check judges.
Back from the break, we see the typical “last week in Nashville” footage of Al Snow, Bruce Prichard and Taz in their office, discussing Kris Lewie’s “performance” from last week’s show. Snow says he was disappointed. Prichard says he wasn’t prepared and out of shape. Taz basically called him a choke artist. Prichard says the negatives are obvious. The positive is Lewie has an amazing back story, which the other two agree with. Prichard says the people can relate to things like what Lewie has been through. Snow says he’ll keep an open mind, but he’s pretty much made his decision, as has Taz.
In Hogan’s office, he says he smells blood. Sting is with him, and smells it, too. He asks to blow a gasket. Hogan says that this needs a slow build-up. Sting asks to see some Hollywood. This is uncomfortable, just like last week. The World Tag Team Champions enter the room. Kaz says they have iron-clad contracts, so they can’t be fired. Daniels refers to them as the “World Tag Team Champions of the world”, and at the end of the day, we’re all friends. Hogan says they’re not friend, and he & Sting hate them. They’re what’s wrong with the business today. AJ Styles isn’t done with them yet either, and he’s going to get revenge. They’ve got a job to do as champions, and they’re going to fight tonight. Hogan says he’ll tell them when and where, and he hopes they get their brains beat out. Sting screams at them as they talk about appletinis.
MATCH 3-Bound for Glory Series Match: AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe
Styles is in 5th place with 50 points, while Joe is in 2nd with 61. We see a clip from 2 weeks ago, when Magnus damaged Joe’s arm with a chair shot. Joe lands a couple light kicks. Joe lands a kneelift, Crisscross ends when AJ avoids a stomp by rolling to the floor. AJ tries for an armbar, but Joe slides out. AJ locks in a side headlock. Joe counters with a shoulder off the ropes. AJ rolls up from the mat and snags Joe in a hurricanrana, sending him into the corner. AJ with various corner shots. He drags Joe to the middle for a suplex, but can’t get him up. AJ nails an elbow to the back of the neck and bounces off the ropes, where he’s met by Joe’s elbow, sending him into the ropes. Joe tries to boot him to the floor, but AJ sidesteps him. AJ kicks the leg out from underneath him, and then continues the attack after Joe gets untangled. Joe kicks off a leglock, but AJ sends him to the floor a dropkick. He tries a plancha, but Joe moves and nails a kick on the way down. Joe rolls him back in, nails a chop to the back and a boot to the chest. Jumping knee drop gets 2. AJ fires off some punches, but runs right into a powerslam for 2. They trade forearms until Joe knocks AJ down with a knife-edge chop to the chest. AJ tries for the hurricanrana again, but Joe counters into an STF. AJ tries for a rope break, so Joe turns the hold into the Rings of Saturn. AJ scoots his body and manages to get a leg on the ropes. Joe nails an inverted atomic drop and a running boot to the chest, but AJ dodges the running senton. AJ lands some punches before getting his boots up on a corner charge. AJ goes outside and nails the Superman. Joe slides out of a fireman’s carry, but AJ’s right on top of him with a Pele to the injured arm. AJ locks in a rolling jujigatame, but Joe immediately gets his foot on the ropes. Joe gets to a corner, where he’s met with a jumping forearm. AJ lands a corner whip, but the second charge results in a standing uranage. Joe goes for the Kokina Clutch, but AJ counters into a victory roll for 2. Back up, Joe counters a roll-up into the Clutch, but AJ quickly counters into the jujigatame. Somehow, Joe rolls through and stacks AJ up, getting the 3.
WINNER: Samoa Joe, who picks up 7 points, bumping him up to 68 and keeping him firmly in 2nd place. AJ has now been knocked out of the Series, if I’m not mistaken.
Up next, Kris Lewie’s fate is determined.
We get a clip of Kurt Angle, and he’s talking about facing Jeff Hardy tonight. He compliments Hardy, but says he’s been in these situations before, he knows what it takes to win, and he has to.
Back in the ring, Jeremy Borash introduces the three Gut Check judges, because we’re all apparently stupid and have forgotten who they are since last month. Kris Lewie makes his way out now. We see his wife and baby sitting in the front row. JB asks Lewie if he put his best effort on last week. He says he did, but gets better every day. Good answer, moron. You just told everyone you suck. First up is Taz. He says he respects anyone who tries to make a career at this. Lewie has led an interesting life, and he commends Lewie for exposing that to the world. However, Taz says he’s in over his head, and Taz’s decision is now. The crowd actually applauds this, so maybe they’re learning. Prichard’s turn now. He says this is where you dig down deep and you get one shot to prove yourself to everyone. He can appreciate Lewie’s backstory, and that wrestling is his dream. But, it’s time for Lewie to wake up from the dream. Prichard’s answer is no, and it’s time to wake up. This dream is not for him. And that’s it. In the first wise decision since this thing started, Lewie will not be joining TNA. He shakes the hands of the judges as the crowd boos him out of the ring. All of a sudden, Joey Ryan, who appeared in the crowd at some point, begins yelling at the judges with a megaphone. He calls Gut Check a farce (true) and Al Snow a corporate stooge before throwing a cup of water at him and high-tailing it out of the building. Snow tries to go after him, but Prichard holds him back. Snow manages to break free and charges through the crowd.
Back from the break, Joe Abyss is in Hogan’s office. He talks about how big a fan he is. Hogan wants to know if there’s something they can do for him. Joe says he’s been studying the AandE thing, and says there’s plenty of evidence to start a major lawsuit. He asks Hogan for permission to investigate things further. Hogan says he’s welcome to try. Sting then repeats the word “kay-fab” over and over. I know the word is “kayfabe”, but that’s how he pronounced it.
MATCH 4-Bound for Glory Series Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Kurt Angle
Angle is in 6th with 48 points, while Hardy is in 8th with 44. BTW, friend of CCB Tom Holzerman has a great piece up on Angle over at The Wrestling Blog, where he (rightfully so) basically calls Angle highly overrated. We get the formal introductions, including the one where this match has a corporate sponsor (Wrangler Jeans: For When You Don’t Want to Be Naked, but Still Want Others to Know Your Religion Without Having to Ask). Angle starts with a waistlock into a takedown. Hardy reverses into a hammerlock. Angle reverses into his own before turning it into a side headlock. Shoulder off the ropes is followed by the crisscross, which ends in a fireman’s carry by Angle that he turns right into an armbar. Another shoulder and crisscross, this time ending with an armdrag by Hardy, right into the armbar. Angle backs Hardy to the corner and breaks the hold with a forearm. Angle fires off more shots in the corner. Hardy counters a corner whip with a headscissors, sending Angle to the floor. Hardy dropkicks him through the ropes before hitting a running clothesline off the apron. Back in the ring, Hardy continues the offense with various corner shots. Angle hits a clothesline off a corner whip. Commercials.
Back from the break, Angle clubs Hardy down with a forearm. Hardy comes back with a clothesline, a back elbow, and a jumping forearm off the ropes. Inverted atomic drop, double legdrop and seated dropkick get 2 for Hardy. Hardy goes for the Twist, but Angle shoves him off and lands the Dead Guy Suplexes. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Hardy counters into the sit-out version of the Twist of Fate for 2. Angle counters a corner whip, and Hardy counters the charge with a back elbow and Botch in the Wind for 2. Angle lands an overhead belly-to-belly, and it’s time to drop the straps. Angle Slam connects, but is only good for 2. I feel like I’ve seen this same Angle match a thousand times. Oh, wait. I have. Ankle lock is applied, but Hardy reverses into a roll-up for 2. Twist of Fate (Mike Tenay: “Twisto!”) connects, and Hardy goes up top. Swanton Bomb connects, but it only gets 2. Angle slaps on the ankle lock again, but Hardy kicks him off before hitting a reverse enziguri. Up top once more. Angle tries to cut him off, but Hardy shoves him down and hits another Swanton Bomb for the 3.
WINNER: Jeff Hardy, who picks up 7 points, putting his total at 51. This bumps him up to 5th place, and Angle is now out of the Series. Angle pretends to cry after the match, taking a page out of the Claire Lynch School of Acting Handbook. Jeremy Borash enters the ring for a post-match interview with Hardy. He introduces the final five in the BFG Series. RVD, Samoa Joe, Bully Ray and James Storm all make their way out. Next week, one of these five will be eliminated, with the remaining four going onto No Surrender for the semi-finals and finals. Storm is guaranteed to be in the final four. Next week, Hardy vs. Joe and Ray vs. RVD to fill the remaining three spots.
Austin Aries is on his way out to the ring.
End of show.
Well, at least Kris Lewie doesn’t have a job.
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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.
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