So, this is the go-home show before Sacrifice, AND reportedly lost literally half its viewing audience in the ratings over last week. Let’s find out why, shall we?
Kurt Angle is in the back warming up, then mentions he’s got Rockstar Spud tonight. If Spud backs out, Angle is going after EC3.
Magnus comes out, and he appears to be carrying one of the turnbuckle hooks. The way he sees it, he didn’t lose the title; he wasn’t beaten by EY; no, the way he sees it is that he was severely let down. Good help is hard to find these days. Isn’t that right, Abyss? He wants Abyss to come down right now so he can say what he wants to Abyss’ face.
Abyss obliges and slowly makes his way down to the ring. Once in the ring, he grabs a mic while Magnus begins to berate him, calling him a blithering idiot. Abyss makes Magnus want to puke, but it wouldn’t be worth the stain it would leave on his “custom Tommy Hilfiger” suit. He’s starting to realize why everyone abandons Abyss: he’s a giant disappointment and a huge letdown. He only asked Abyss to make sure the title stay with Magnus, and he didn’t do it. Abyss reminds Magnus of what MVP said about people getting fired if they interfered. Magnus says Abyss doesn’t work for MVP or TNA, he works for Magnus. Onto the next point, Abyss’ services are no longer required at Magnus Enterprises. Magnus wishes him the best of luck on his future endeavors, then declares him fired. Abyss says this was never about the money; it was about him having a sense of belonging. He befriended Magnus and trusted him. Magnus said they were friends, but now, Abyss truly realizes is that Magnus is nothing but a self-centered, arrogant jackass. Just like these people remember, his name is “The Monster” Abyss. He hurts people. He destroys lives. He ends careers. And since he’s no longer a Magnus employee, he’s going to start with Magnus. Magnus says that won’t happen because Abyss is a civlian, not a contracted wrestler. If Abyss lays his hands on Magnus, Magnus will press charges and have him arrested for assault.
Rockstar Spud and EC3 are in the locker room, and EC3 has no speech tonight. Last week, people said EC3 looked like he saw was a ghost. What he saw was alive, the REAL Kurt Angle. In that moment, he realized there is only one man that can defeat Angle, and that’s him. He can defeat Angle, and he knows he’s asking a lot out of Spud tonight, but there is a plan. He’s asked Spud for a lot, but tonight, he needs Spud to be a gazelle.
MATCH 1: Kurt Angle vs. Rockstar Spud (w/Ethan Carter III)
Spud tries to shoot for Angle’s leg, and Angle just picks him up with a gutwrench suplex. Spud lays in a few weak kicks to the left knee, then runs into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Angle kicks him in the knee, then tags him with a right hand. Spud tries to block a back-body drop, and Angle no-sells it. Spud leaves the ring, and Angle chases him back in. As Angle tries to crawl back in, EC3 grabs his leg, which allows Spud to hit a seated dropkick. He hits a missile dropkick from the middle rope, but it’s only good for 1. Spud goes up top, and Angle meets him with an overhead belly-to-belly superplex. Angle applies the ankle lock, and Spud taps.
WINNER: Kurt Angle. After the match, EC3 chopblocks Angle’s left knee, then goes for the spinning legbar. Before he can lock it on, Willow runs down, complete with defense umbrella. EC3 heads for the hills, carrying Spud in his arms.
We see the Beautiful People in the back, and Angelina Love says things are getting ugly around here with Madison Rayne. Velvet Sky picks up a bag and says it has nothing to do with her. Love says it does, then says they’re going to give Rayne a makeover.
MVP is on the phone with someone, talking about Austin Aries. He enters his office, and we see Kenny King sitting on his couch. MVP says King has made himself comfortable lately. King says MVP doesn’t know what he’s doing, as King is the real star here. MVP tells King he’s got a match tonight, and he’s going to be featured big time. MVP calls the production truck and tells them to cue up King’s music, before saying he’ll be over shortly to tell them who the opponent will be.
“The King of Queens” Madison Rayne makes her way down to the ring for what should be a hahalarious makeover segment. I find it funny when Love calls anyone ugly, because she clearly doesn’t own a mirror. Rayne says she hears the BP want to give her a makeover, so come on down and let’s have at it.
Love tells Rayne she looks tired and asks if the baby keeps her up at night. She knows Rayne wants to be a role model to her daughter, but she should show forgiveness and thankfulness for the makeover the BP have offered to give her. Rayne tells them they’re right. She forgives them. She’s so sorry…that she’s about to do this. Rayne kicks both of them, then stomps Love down. Sky nails her from behind before slamming her head into the mat. The BP stomp her down as Love screeches into a mic. She calls Rayne a nobody. The only reason they hired her was to make them look better. That’s all gonna change right now. Before anything happens, Brittany hits the ring and tries to fight both off before Sky hits her with a clothesline. Love throws her to the floor, and Sky hits Rayne with In Yo Face. Love grabs the cosmetics bag, and it contains a paper bag with Love’s face on it. She puts it on Rayne’s head.
Mr. Anderson is out in a parking lot somewhere. He says he’s in Samuel Shaw’s hometown and has his childhood address.
During the break, Gail Kim was with Rayne and Brittany, saying the BP have ruined the Knockouts division, and she’s sick of it. She asks Rayne to be her partner tonight, despite their rocky history, because she has respect for Rayne. Rayne agrees, and Kim leaves. Brittany offers to be in their corner as well, and Rayne tells her, “no thanks”.
MATCH 2: Kenny King vs. Bobby Lashley
I love that TNA couldn’t afford to Chris Sabin or Christopher Daniels, but COULD afford to hire Bobby Lashley back, along with Sanada and Tigre Uno (no disrespect to those two). I mean, I’ve met Lashley, and he’s a nice guy, but let’s face it: his value in wrestling has almost always been nil. Lashley hits a waistlock takedown, then does it again. He applies a side headlock, then backs King into the corner, where he nails a few rights. Lashley hits a shoulder off the ropes, the two crisscross, and King hits a drop toehold into a side headlock. Lashley gets to his feet and throws King face-first to the mat, then hits a sidewalk slam. King rolls to the floor for a moment, but when he comes back in, Lashley hits him with a quick powerslam. King goes to the corner. Lashley tries to charge, but King puts the ref in between them, causing Lashley to put on the breaks. Lashley picks the ref up and moves him, so King tries for a slap. Lashley grabs the wrist, so King thumbs him in the eyes before hitting a hotshot to the floor. King comes off the top with a missile dropkick, then kicks Lashley in the ribs. He nails a right and a headbutt, sending Lashley to the corner. Lashley tries to fight back with elbows, so King rakes him across the face. He applies a weak crossface-chicken win, and Lashley temporarily turns that into an Argentinean backbreaker. King escapes, then runs into an overhead belly-to-belly. Lashley nails a pair of gut shots, follows up with some jabs, a forearm to the back and a clothesline. King gets corner-whipped, and Lashley hits a running shoulder thrust before picking King up in a standing back-body drop. Lashley signals for the spear, but King puts his foot up. Lashley catches him and spins him around, allowing King to keep spinning into a kick. King goes for a blockbuster from the middle rope, and Lashley catches him vertically in mid-air before hitting a suplex. Okay, that was kind of cool. Lashley signals for the spear again, but King heads to the floor and begins crawling up the ramp. King pretends like he’s going to come back to the ring, but turns back around, taking the count-out loss.
WINNER VIA COUNT-OUT: Bobby Lashley.
Mr. Anderson is in his car with a camera man, and he pulls up on the house, as apparently Shaw’s family still lives there. A woman answers the door, introducing herself as Christy. She’s also red-headed, as you probably could have guessed. She invites him, and Anderson makes a face at the camera.
Bobby Roode is in the locker room when James Storm enters, asking his “partner” if he’s ready for tonight. Roode reminds Storm of their bar fight a few months ago. Storm remembers that, then remembers losing the World title. Those memories never go away,and Roode should know he never forgets, even when he’s sh*t-faced drunk. Roode wants to know why Storm wants him as a partner tonight. Storm says that, when they were a team, they were unstoppable. Gunner never gave Storm any credit for making him a star. Storm just wants to grab him and kick his teeth in, not to mention make his dad cry again. Roode then talks about how putting Bully Ray through tables puts a smile on his face, and he never smiles. Storm says they need to stop talking and get this done.
MATCH 3: Austin Aries vs. MVP
We get a stupid dueling chant before the match starts. Aries applies a side headlock, then turns it into a full-nelson, then turns that into a cravat. MVP counters into a wristlock. Aries rolls through into a hip throw. MVP counters into a headscissors. Aries escapes and hits a low dropkick. MVP comes back with a punch, a double chop and a facebreaker. He signals for the Baillin’ Elbow, but Aries rolls to the floor. He grabs MVP’s foot, but MVP stomps his fingers, then hits a slingshot plancha. He rolls Aries back in, and Aries dropkicks the rope as MVP tries to re-enter, sending him back to the floor. Aries goes up top, coming down on MVP with a double axe handle to the back. MVP is rolled back in, and Aries hits a tope con hilo before landing a jumping power-drive elbow for 2. He follows up with a European uppercut to the back of the head from the middle rope for another 2, then signals for the brainbuster. MVP comes back with jabs, but then gets caught with a knee to the gut. Aries boxes his ears in the corner, then misses a running corner dropkick. MVP comes back with a series of corner clotheslines until Aries bites him in the arm. Aries goes for the rolling elbow, but MVP blocks it, hits a series of strikes and a discus clothesline that turns Aries inside-out for 2. MVP stomps him down before hitting the Ballin’ Elbow. He goes for a waistlock, but Aries escapes, sends MVP into the ropes and blasts him with a rolling elbow. Aries goes for the brainbuster, but MVP escapes and hits a release German suplex. Aries blocks a Drive-By Kick, hits a legbreaker, then turns that into a modified Saito suplex. Aries sets MVP in the corner and nails him with the running dropkick for 2. Aries goes up top for the 450 splash, but MVP moves out of the way. He hits the Drive-By Kick and gets 3.
WINNER: MVP. Probably the best match he’s had since Krispen Wah.
We get another video package for Sanada’s rise in TNA. They show him working out, and as a trainer, I have to tell you his form on these exercises sucks.
Back to Anderson, we find out “Christy” is Shaw’s mom. She brings him some iced tea, and Anderson says he’s doing a piece on talented people. Christy lists some of Shaw’s talents, then mentions she makes an apple pie for Shaw every day, where she takes it to his bedroom. Anderson asks where that is, and she says it’s in the basement before offering to show it. Okay, did Dixie Carter watch Ace Ventura: Pet Detective on a 24-hour loop before she came up with this segment?
MATCH 4: Beer Money (James Storm and Bobby Roode) vs. Ray-Gun (Bully Ray and Gunner)
Ray and Storm start, and Storm applies a side headlock. Ray breaks free and shoulders him off the ropes, then applies an arm wringer. Storm hits a kick off the ropes, then gets hit with a clothesline. Roode comes in and gets hit with a back-body drop before Ray drops them both with a double clothesline. Gunner tags in, and he comes off the top with a shot to the arm. Storm thumbs his eye and tags in Roode, who gets met with a clothesline, an elbow, a bodyslam and a falling headbutt for 2. Ray back in, and Ray-Gun hit a pair of shoulderblocks. Ray runs into a back elbow, and Roode sends him to the corner. Ray elbows Storm off the apron, then nails an incoming Roode with a boot. Storm grabs Ray by the legs and crotches him around a ringpost before calling a fan in the audience “fat”. He and Angelina Love really need to invest in some mirrors. Roode stomps Ray down and tags in Storm, who nails a right to the head. Storm hits another one for 2, then chokes Ray behind the ref’s back as Gunner tries to intervene. Roode tags in and hits some rights in the corner. Ray tries to fight back, so Roode stomps him down before hitting a back elbow off the ropes for 1. Roode applies a front chancery, but Ray fights out. Roode puts a stop to that with a dropkick, then distracts Gunner so Storm can bite Ray in the face. Roode taunts Ray, so Ray chops him in the chest. Roode comes back with rights before running into a sidewalk slam (Mike Tenay: “backbreaker”). Gunner and Storm tag in, with Gunner making the luke-warm tag as he attacks both members of Beer Money. Storm gets a slingshot suplex for 2 as Roode breaks it up. Ray comes in and nails Roode with a clothesline to the back of the head. Ray begins to hit the Flip, Flop and Fly on Storm before connecting with the last shot on Roode instead. Storm receives a bodyslam and calls for Gunner to go up top for the Wassup?, which he does. Ray calls for Gunner to get the table, and Gunner pulls one from under the ring. He sets it up at ringside, then nails Roode, who tries to intervene. He sets Roode up for an apron elbow by Ray, which misses, sending Ray through the table. In the ring, Gunner ducks the Last Call and hits Storm with a DDT for 2 as Roode breaks it up. Gunner drops him with the Hangar 18, and Storm in-turn drops him with the Last Call for 3.
WINNERS: Beer Money.
AI is in the back with Magnus, asking about facing Abyss tonight. Abyss didn’t fulfill his obligation to Magnus, so Magnus will show what happens when people don’t do their job when he ends Abyss’ career. When Abyss’ time comes, there’s nothing MVP, Dixie or anyone else can do about it.
Anderson is heading down to Shaw’s basement bedroom. He takes a peak inside and just says, “Oh, my God.”
After a quick interlude, we see Anderson in Shaw’s room, which looks like a kid’s bedroom. Shaw enters, screams and attacks Anderson. The catfight as the cameraman says, “God, ow” and runs up the stairs. Christy is standing there with a pie. Shaw comes up a minute later with a bloody lip. The cameraman says this is weird and leaves.
MATCH 5: The Beautiful People (Angelina Love and Velvet Sky) vs. Gail Kim and Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne
Rayne and Sky start the match, with Sky automatically calling for a time-out. Rayne grabs her by the hair and whips her down. Then shoves her down. Then does it again. Then hits a couple of weak forearms, followed by a clothesline. Love comes in, and Rayne hits her with a jawbreaker. Kim comes in, and the two send the BP to the floor with a pair of dropkicks, followed by some baseball slides. On the floor, Rayne hits a double noggin-knocker on the BP before rolling Sky back in the ring, where she hits the Taco Twister as this crowd has fallen deathly ill…err, silent. Rayne gets 2, then tags in Kim. Kim hits a kick and a forearm, then nails a running clothesline for 2. Love makes a blind tag, and Kim fights them both off for a moment until Love whips her down by the hair, then stomps her a couple of times for 2. She taunts Rayne, then stomps Kim again before trying a corner whip. Kim reverses, hits the body attack, then boots Sky off the apron. Both members of the BP are on the floor and are trying to leave, so Rayne and Kim throw them both back into the ring. Love gets hit with a drop toehold by Kim, and now Kim has her locked in a headscissors. Sky comes in and breaks that up with a seated dropkick. Kim chases her off, which allows Love to jump on her from behind with a sleeper. Kim breaks it by ramming her back-first into the corner, then hits a backbreaker when Love tries it again. Rayne tags in, nails a couple of forearms and an enziguri. Sky comes in illegally, and Rayne nails her with a kick to the head. Kim goes after Sky outside, but gets slammed face-first into the apron. Sky enters the ring, and Rayne hits her with a spear. Love rolls Rayne up in a schoolgirl with a handful of tights and gets 3.
WINNERS: The Beautiful People.
We get another Knux video package as he watches his fire-dancing girlfriend or whatever she is to him. They have a heart-to-heart, and I’m still left confused as to why TNA is trying to make us give a tinker’s damn about Knux. Knux tells her he’s headed back to TNA, and she says she’ll be supportive of him now, not letting him go this time, as she’s going to come with him.
Abyss is in the back, saying tonight is about redemption and righting the wrongs. It was never about the money; he just wanted to belong. Now he knows Magnus is nothing but an arrogant, pompous, sonofa…He made a mistake in hurting the people who cared about him the most. They know who they are. He knows who he is, and tonight, this massacre is for him.
TNA runs down the entire card for Sacrifice, which literally features no matches that were announced until tonight, save for the Tables Match. God, the PPV booking for this company is such a bowl of diarrhea.
EY comes out for some color dysentery for the main event.
MATCH 6-If Abyss wins, he gets a TNA contract: Magnus vs. Abyss
I love how Taz just had an orgasm over how big Abyss is, only for Abyss to go nose-to-nose with Magnus, revealing that Magnus is only a couple of inches shorter. Abyss knocks Magnus down with a pair of rights, then assaults him in the corner. He throws Magnus to the adjacent corner, then whips him across the ring. Magnus hits a boot, then gets hit with a pair of clotheslinere getting tossed to the floor. Commercials.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Abyss.
After the match, Magnus grabs a chair and brings it in, where he cracks Abyss over the back repeatedly. He then drives the chair into the backs of Abyss’ knees. Magnus grabs the ref as he tries to break it up, and EY hits the ring. Magnus drops him with a mule kck to the junk, then nails him repeatedly with the chair as well. He gives another shot to Abyss, then drives the chair into EY’s gut. Another shot for Abyss.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
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