We see Bully Ray in his car earlier in Nashville. AI is with him and wants to know what’s going on. Ray says they’re headed to the TNA main office, and he’s on the hunt for Dixie Carter. He can’t touch her in the Impact Zone, so he’as going to attack her at her office. If he sees her, she’s going through a table.
This week on TNA Impact Wrestling, EC3 faces Kurt Angle, and the Beautiful People take on Brittany & Madison Rayne in a tag team Evening Gown Match. The Bromans also get a shot at the tag titles in a tag team Ladder Match.
Bobby Roode comes down and says that, as World Champion, EY has the right to choose the kind of champion he wants to be. He has chosen to be a fighting champion, defending the belt whenever he can. Well, Roode is standing right here, so he doesn’t have to look further. He’s the guy who should get the shot. For 10 years, he’s overcome every obstacle in TNA. He has been “Mr. Consistency”, and everyone knows it. Tonight, that belt is being defended against Roode. EY points out that he already beat Roode last week. He’s not smart, but he knows he beat Roode and retained his title. Roode remembers, but he came THIS close to winning. And, before that match, he had to beat Gunner first. So, if EY wants to be a true champion, he needs to be a man and defend the title against Roode. Roode says they have a ton of history together, even before TNA got started. 17 years ago, they both started their careers, growing up together, taking the same paths, driving all over the country, trying to make names for themselves. They did it, and they did it together. The same day Roode signed his TNA contract, EY did the same. They made history when they became the World Tag Team Champions in Team Canada. They are two of only a few TNA originals left in this company. They have a long history together. They were best friends, but better enemies. They went to war, but tonight, Roode says they go to war one more time for one good reason, the only reason: the World title. And, if EY can beat him again tonight, Roode gives his word that he will never ask for another shot while EY is champion. EY says they do indeed have a lot of history. There’s one thing Roode is, and that is one of the best in the world. So tonight, they make more history. One more match for the title.
EY walks into MVP’s office, as MVP apparently wanted to see him. MVP says there’s no problem, as EY is on a hell of a role. He’s impressed. EY wants to be a fighting champion, and MVP understands & respects that. However, he had something special lined up for EY, and EY didn’t give him a chance to say it. He’s gotta have respect for MVP, and that’s why MVP is calling the match off tonight. EY is not an exception as champion. EY insists he wants to wrestle tonight. MVP tells him to enjoy his moment and take a little time off to enjoy the belt. He’s going to make a few phone calls, and he’s guaranteeing EY an opponent at Slammiversary that he’s never faced before. MVP is also going to take care of the situation with Bobby Roode, and has an announcement for EY later.
MATCH 1-Tag Team Evening Gown Match: The Beautiful People (Knockouts Champion Angelina Love and Velvet Sky) vs. Brittany and Madison Rayne
Brittany finally has her own entrance theme, and holy hell is it generic. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Even the company’s World Champion has generic, bland entrance music. Sky and Rayne start the match. Sky gets the early advantage, but then gets hit with a drop-toehold. Love comes in, and she gets hit with one as well. Brittany enters, and they go for an early stripping before the BP escape to the floor. Back in the ring, Love and Brittany are somehow legal. They lock up, and Sky backs Brittany to the corner. Sky chokes her as Rayne is arguing with the referee. Love stomps Brittany down and tags in Sky, who hits some shoulder thrusts. She follows up with a snampare, a kick to the back and a low, seated dropkick. Brittany gets sent to the corner, where she hits a back elbow and a big boot. She lands a pair of clotheslines and a horrible side-Russian legsweep. A handspring moonsault connects, and Brittany stupidly goes for a pin. Even worse, Love stupidly tries to break it up. Rayne knocks her to the floor, and the ref tries to get Rayne back to the apron. Behind his back, Love trips Brittany from the outside and holds her foot, allowing Sky to strip her dress off.
Brittany has been eliminated, and she covers her crotch even though her underwear actually covers more skin than her standard gear. Commercials.
Back from the break, Rayne hits a pair of clotheslines on the BP and throws Love to the floor. She hits a couple of punches on Sky, but then gets tripped by Love on the outside. Sky throws her to the corner for a foot-choke and tags in Love. Love hits a couple of kicks and throws Rayne to the adjacent corner for a back elbow. Sky back in, and she stomps Rayne down before knee-choking her over the middle rope. Rayne comes back with a forearm. Love charges in and gets sent to the floor. Rayne hits a spear on Sky and rips her dress off, revealing that Sky is wearing kneepads with her evening gown. That’s a sweet look.
Velvet Sky has been eliminated.
Love comes in and nails a forearm to the back of Rayne’s head. She begins nailing rights to the face as Rayne tries to cover up. She grabs Sky’s evening gown and begins choking Rayne with it. She goes for the dress, but Rayne begins to fight back with forearms. She hits the Rayne Drop (which will always look like sh*t. No wonder Zack Ryder no longer uses it), then chokes Love with Sky’s dress before whipping her across the ring by the throat. She goes for a spear, but Love boots her in the gut. She goes for Lights Out, but Rayne breaks free and hits a spear. Sky reappears wearing nothing but a towel. The referee is distracted, which allows Love to spray Rayne in the face with hairspray. She then rips Rayne’s dress off.
WINNERS: The Beautiful People.
More footage from earlier today. We see Dixie and Rockstar Spud at TNA Headquarters. Dixie says she has a meeting on the other side of town. She leaves Spud in charge, tells him not to let Bully Ray into the building, don’t let him talk to anyone, and don’t tell him where Dixie has gone. Someone wearing a “Bully Fears Dixie” shirt enters, bows to her, then walks away. She leaves.
We see Magnus and his friend from Bram from last week. Apparently, this guy is former NXT talent Kenneth Cameron, who was not only fired by WWE for getting drunk and assaulting a police officer, but is also married to current NXT talent Charlotte, aka Ashleigh Fleihr, aka the daughter of Ric Flair. I guess he’s the latest in TNA’s grand “Let’s get rid of long-time talent that is good and replace them with WWE cast-offs that suck” initiative. Anyway, Bram announces that he just signed a deal with MVP in order to keep an eye on Magnus. Not only that, but Bram has been given the authority to sign a match for tonight, and he has pitted Magnus against Willow. He wants Magnus to be his old self, and he’ll be at ringside to watch the match.
MATCH 2: Ethan Carter III vs. Kurt Angle
The two lock up, and Angle hits a waistlock takedown before going into a front chancery. EC3 quickly gets a rope-break, and now they lock up again. Angle applies an arm wringer, and EC3 counters into his own. Angle counters that into another one, and EC3 gets a second rope-break. EC3 hits a boot to the gut and a forearm to the back before beating Angle down in the corner. Angle gets corner-whipped, then blocks a charge with a boot. He hits a few rights before stomping EC3 down in the opposite corner, then hits a snap suplex into a float-over for 2. EC3 misses a clothesline and gets hit with the Murder-Suicide. Angle falls down after the third suplex connects, as his knee apparently buckled on him. EC3 immediately targets said knee, tripping Angle, dropping some elbows and snapping the leg into the mat. Angle kicks off a legbar attempt and hits the Angle Slam, only for his knee to buckle once more. The ref tries to stop the match, but Angle tells him he’s fine. EC3 sees him limping and hits a front chopblock before covering Angle for the clean 3.
WINNER: Ethan Carter III. Yes, a match was just ended via chopblock. Let that sink in.
During the break, Angle was helped into the back by two referees. He tells the trainer he blew his knee out and could hear it pop. The trainer tells him he’s going to go tot he doctor right away.
MVP comes out and says when he got his position with TNA, he thought he knew what he was in for. He had no idea how stressful this would be. The fans are very passionate, and he likes that. However, the wrestlers are even more passionate, and tensions run high. He apologizes for canceling the title match later tonight. He believes in a sense of order, and without order, there’s chaos. If you let a bunch of pro wrestlers go nuts, you’ll never get the reigns back. So, he’s going to make it up to the fans. Before he came out here, he was on the phone, and he’s got a blockbuster announcement pertaining to EY’s opponent at Slammiversary.
Before that announcement can happen, Bobby Roode makes his second appearance for the evening. He asks if this a joke, then says he and EY are having their match tonight. MVP says Roode had his opportunity last week, but lost. Title opportunities are rare, and having said that, Roode has to earn it. There will be no handouts. Roode asks where the hell was MVP when he was a tag champ in the company. Where was MVP when Roode became the longest-reigning champion in TNA history? Where was he the last 10 years? He wasn’t here, and Roode was. Don’t talk to him about handouts, you sonofabitch. MVP says this conversation is over. Roode grabs him by the shoulder and says the conversation’s over when he says so. MVP threatens Roode, so Roode shoves him, leading to a brawl. The referees, security and Elite Beat Agents hit the ring and pull them apart within about 5 seconds.
Back to video at TNA Headquarters. Bully Ray sneaks his way in and approaches Catherine, the receptionist. Catherine offers to leave a message as we see the phrase “Bully Fears Dixie” plastered on her shirt, as well as the wall. Ray calls her a good secretary, then offers to find Dixie himself. Spud comes down the stairs and blocks the path. Ray tells him he’ll count to 3, and if Spud doesn’t move, Ray will move him. Spud refuses and puts up his dukes, threatening to throw Ray out himself. Ray picks Spud up on his shoulders and carries him up the stairs, putting him down outside of Dixie’s office. He enters, and she’s obviously not there. He orders Spud to get him some tea, sits down at Dixie’s desk, then calls Catherine to tell her to get everyone in the office for a big meeting.
We see Rebel and Knux outside the building. Rebel is pointlessly twirling fire sticks as a guy on a forklift drops off a big box. Rebel asks what this is, and he says, “It’s their home.”
Security is outside, preventing Bobby Roode from re-entering the building. Apparently, MVP has ejected him.
MATCH 3-Tag Team Ladder Match for the World Tag Team Championship: The Bromans (Jesse and Robbie E, w/DJ Z) vs. The Wolves (Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards, Champions)
Before the match, the Wolves chase Z up the ramp. The Bromans follow them up the ramp and nail them from behind, beating them up on the stage. They run back to ringside and grab a ladder, ramming it into the guts of both Wolves. The ladder is then dropped across the backs of the Wolves. The Bromans carry it back down to the ring, and the bell rings. They set the ladder up and begin climbing, but the Wolves hit the ring and pull them down before low-bridging them to the floor. On the apron, the Bromans hit a double hotshot, then grab another ladder. They avoid a pair of baseball slides, then throw the ladder into the Wolves’ faces. The ladder is slid into the ring. Richards gets thrown to the outside, where Jesse drops him chest-first across the guardrail. Back in the ring, they sandwich Edwards’ head in one of the ladders before hitting a pair of knees into it. E heads to the floor, where he rams Richards back-first into the apron. He grabs a third ladder and sets it up between the apron and the ring steps. They grab Richards for a double suplex, but Edwards catches Richards, and the Wolves boot the ladder into the chests of the Bromans. The ladder is still propped as they head inside. They set up the original ladder, and the Bromans grab ladder #2, setting it up alongside. The two teams start climbing, trading chops along the way. E and Edwards both get knocked down, with Richards and Jesse following shortly thereafter off a Richards headbutt. Edwards starts to climb again, so Jesse nails him with a dropkick. He tries to press-slam Edwards into the ladder, but Edwards escapes and goes for a suplex over the top rope, which sends them both to the floor in an ugly spot. Richards and E are fighting on the other side, where Richards knocks E onto the propped-up ladder with a kick. Edwards climbs to the top rope and nails a double-stomp on the ladder. Richards pulls himself back into the ring as Edwards crawls in on the other side. Both men climb the two ladders set up when DJ Z reappears. He climbs up, where they nail him with headbutts before throwing him in a double hiptoss onto the Bromans on the floor outside. The Wolves reach up and grab the belts.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: The Wolves. Again, the tag titles don’t mean much when there’s only two teams in the company.
We’re back outside with Knux and Rebel. Apparently, Crazzy Steve (that’s how TNA is spelling it) and the Freak are in the crate. The Freak kicks the side of the crate down and nonsensically flexes while Steve is honking a horn. Knux then laughs, saying how excited he is. So, just to clear this all up, Rebel is an indy worker named Tanea Brooks. Steve is an indy worker named Steve Scott, and the Freak is Rob G*ddamn Terry, getting needless TNA push #812.
So, just to clarify, TNA couldn’t afford/didn’t want to keep AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels and Chris Sabin, but they could afford/thought they should push four WWE cast-offs (Knux, Freak, EC3 and Bram) and indy workers no one has ever heard of. Okay, back to the show.
At TNA Headquarters, Spud enters Dixie’s office, only to find out Bully Ray isn’t there. He calls Catherine, and she informs him he’s called a staff meeting somewhere else in the building.
MATCH 4: Kazarian vs. Knux (w/Crazzy Steve, the Freak and Rebel)
Yep. Kaz is still employed, and he gets to job to Knux tonight. Oh, and the Menagerie get two guys on stilts for their entrance because TNA has so much disposable income. During their entrance, Knux channels the spirit of Gene Snitsky by kissing Rebel’s foot. Kaz nails a knee from behind to start the match, then hits a few forearms. Knux shoves him back before corner-whipping him, sending him to the floor in the process. Kaz hotshots him from the apron and hits a seated missile dropkick, sending Knux to the corner. He sets Knux across the middle rope and stands on his back, then drops to the floor for a kick to the head. Steve gets in his face, and Freak corners him from behind. Knux beals Kaz back into the ring, hits a big boot and a back-body drop. Kaz blocks a corner charge, ducks a clothesline, then gets hit witha cross-body. Kaz escapes a back suplex, then runs into a rydeen bomb for 3.
Oh, yay. More TNA Headquarters footage. Spud enters a conference room, where the TNA office staff are all on laptops. He calls Bully Ray the worst person on the planet, only to find out Ray is behind him. Ray tells him to go fetch them two cases of beer, then kicks him out. They all recite the new company motto (“Bully Fears Dixie”), and Ray says they have a lot of work to do, and he knows just what they need.
We see Mr. Anderson and Gunner in the locker room, talking about what happened with them and James Storm last week. Gunner calls Storm a liar, but he’s also dangerous. Anderson says Samuel Shaw was a dangerous man as well. Gunner asks why Shaw was the way he was, and Anderson just says he’s crazy. Gunner wishes him luck with Storm next week.
Back to TNA Headquarters, the staff are drunk and partying with Bully Ray, and they’re all now wearing his shirts. Spud climbs on the table and tells them to shut up, as Dixie is trying to run a business. Ray says he’s trying to run a meeting. The staff doesn’t want him to leave, and they don’t want Dixie back. Ray agrees to leave if Spud will tell him where Dixie is. Spud says he doesn’t know where she is. Ray disagrees and offers to leave if he’ll just say where she is. Spud swears he doesn’t know, so Ray tells him if he’ll have a beer with Ray, Ray will leave. Spud agrees, so Ray poors him a beer. As he’s drinking, Ray picks him up off the conference table and powerbombs him through a conveniently-placed folding table behind him. Ray grabs Spud’s cellphone and finds her address. The staff starts chanting “tables”.
Another Willow promo. This is probably the worst thing Jeff Hardy has ever done in his in-ring career.
Well, as I imagined, that was a colossal waste of time, not to mention quite possibly the stupidest gimmick TNA has ever come up with.
MATCH 6: Magnus (w/Bram) vs. Willow
Magnus nails Willow with a clothesline at ringside prior to the opening bell. He continues the attack as Bram nods his approval. Willow gets rolled into the ring, where Magnus stomps him down near the ropes. Willow comes back with a boot, then gets hit with a misdirection clothesline. Magnus stomps him down, then hits a quick elbow for 2 before applying a rear chinlock. Willow tries to escape, but gets a forearm to the back of the head. Out of the corner, Willow comes back with a spinning headscissors. He nails some rights, a clothesline, an inverted atomic drop, a double legdrop and a seated dropkick. Willow absolutely whiffs a reverse enziguri, then nails a handspring slap. Yep. A slap. He misses the slingshot dropkick as Magnus drops to the floor. Willow dropkicks him through the ropes, then hits a baseball slide into a splash on the floor. Willow throws Magnus back in, and as he climbs back in, Bram throws him into the steps, leading to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Willow. Bram throws Willow in the ring and hits a bodyslam into a really sloppy ace crusher before handcuffing him to the bottom rope. Bram slides outside and pulls out a turnbuckle hook from under the ring. Back inside, he nails Willow in the gut with several hook shots. Willow is laughing, and Magnus doesn’t seem to like what just happened.
MVP approaches EY in the locker room and tells him to be out in the ring in a few minutes to find out his opponent at Slammiversary.
We see Kurt Angle with a doctor. The doc says there’s no break, but the ACL is clearly torn, and he’s going to have to have surgery. Again. Because having surgery is what Angle is good at.
EY comes out, and MVP first tells him how proud he is of EY’s accomplishments. He has overcome everything and is now the World Champion. He is an inspiration to everyone, including MVP. If every wrestler in TNA had EY’s spirit and attitude, there’s nothing the company couldn’t accomplish. With that being said, EY made it clear he’s a fighting champion and wants to fight the toughest competition there is. It’s MVP’s job to find the greatest opposition for that belt, because EY deserves the best. So, without further ado, the man that will face EY for the title, the new #1 contender…
No one comes out, and MVP says that, since he didn’t play his music, he’ll break it to EY this way…MVP then nails EY with a right before stomping him down. Gee, who didn’t see this coming? MVP takes off one of his gold chains and wraps it around his fist before nailing more rights. He grabs the mic and says he’ll see EY at Slammiversary.
End of show.
So, MVP is now Dixie Carter, but with a penis? Wonderful.
Wow. Talk about one of the worst-booked Impacts in a long time. And that’s saying something!
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
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