AI is in the back with Eric Young, who is waiting for MVP to show up. He has some things to say. AI says he looks like he’s going to do a bit more than talk. EY says it’ll just be talking, just like last week. A limo pulls up, and EY immediately tries to attack him in the car. Security holds him back as MVP smiles. He tells EY to compose himself, because a guy could get hurt if he doesn’t.
EY marches down to the ring and says last Friday, he woke up thinking this was a dream. The reality is it’s a bad nightmare. Someone he trusted turned his back on EY. Someone he put his career in…everyone else did the same. They were hoping for change, to make this a better place. Hell, anything’s better than Dixie Carter. He made a promise to the fans that he’d be a fighting champion, and that’s what he’s been. His next promise is that this kind of stuff won’t happen on his watch. MVP wants to be the champ, he’ll have to take it from EY. All MVP has to do is ask. But MVP knows that you better watch what you wish for, because EY is crazy. He’s never been right, and he’s not waiting for Slammiversary. He wants MVP out here so they can do this right now.
MVP shows up on the big screen and says there’s no Avengers to pull EY’s Hulking ass out of the fire. MVP isn’t about talk, and as far as ungrateful, EY needs to look in the mirror. While EY didn’t have a chance of winning, he did it, and that just sped up MVP’s plan. EY is just the patsy so he can take what he wants, that being the TNA World Championship. He knows where the power lies. Pencil-pushing isn’t his thing. He makes some reference to Donald Sterling, then says you can never have enough power. He has a bit of sympathy for EY since he’s been a pawn. He’s going to allow EY to keep the title for a few more weeks, then MVP will take it from him. After that, EY can go back to being an insignificant nobody. EY says he’s going to defend it every week, and tonight, he fights MVP. MVP calls himself bulletproof. He’s not fighting for free, and he’s bringing some security along with him. BTW, MVP is obviously in front of a green screen the entire time. Anyway, EY storms up the ramp.
Willow cuts a promo. I’m still not recapping this garbage.
We see Willow pacing on a staircase. Magnus approaches him, and they start brawling. The brawl heads towards the ring, and that’s when Bram attacks him from behind. Willow goes face-first into the guardrail, and now he’s getting double-teamed by the Brits. Magnus rolls Willow into the ring, and now the match officially starts.
MATCH 1-2-on-1 Handicap Match: Willow vs. Bram and Magnus
Man, Dixie wasted no effort on naming this dude. “Bram” just screams star-power. In the ring, Willow hits a clothesline and goes for a cross-body. Magnus catches him and hits an elevated northern lights bomb. Bram tags in and pounds on Hardy before sending him hard into the corner. Bram foot-chokes Willow as he screams. Back up, he throws Willow to the corner and tags in Magnus. Magnus assaults Willow in the adjacent corner, then hits a gutwrench suplex for 2. Magnus nails some shots, then gets hit with a sit-out jawbreaker. Bram tags in and gets hit with a back elbow, followed by the Botch in the Wind. Willow hits some rights, nails a forearm off the ropes, hits an inverted atomic drop, a double legdrop and a seated dropkick. Willow connects with a reverse enziguri and a corner clothesline, then hits a handspring slap (ugh). A slingshot dropkick connects in the corner, and Willow then knocks Magnus off the apron. Bram shoves off a Twist of Fate, and Magnus trips Willow from the outside. Bram hits a bodyslam into a suplex, then forcefully tags Magnus before telling him to wait. Bram pulls a crowbar out form under the ring and throws it to the feet of Magnus. Magnus doesn’t want to get DQ’ed, so he kicks it away. He goes for the MDD, but Willow counters into an inside cradle and gets the 3.
After the match, Bram gets in Magnus’ face, verbally running him down in the process. Magnus tries to explain why he did what he did, but Bram isn’t having any of it. Magnus storms off.
EY enters MVP’s office, saying they need to have words. Security stops EY, so he runs through them. MVP isn’t in his office, so EY trashes the place.
Back to Dixie and Spud. There are tables all over her front yard. She receives a call from Bully Ray, and he says he’s inside her house. She tells the camera man to record everything Ray has done to the house, sending Spud in as well.
Gail Kim comes out and says she’s not out here for a makeover or put on an evening gown; she’s here to prove who she is, and that is the hardest working, most passionate Knockout on this roster. She helped build the division, so Beautiful People, come on out here, because she’s ready to fight.
The “Beautiful” “People” come out, and Angelina Love says jealousy is such an ugly color on Kim. They know she’s a wrestler, and a darn good one at that. But she’s not the champ. She won’t be the champ, and she should never be the champ. The BP are what everyone should aspire to be. They’re sexy (HAHAHAHAHA!) and tough. So, on behalf of the BP, they accept her challenge. As Kim calls for her to get in the ring, Velvet Sky nails Kim from behind. Love tells Kim Sky is her opponent for tonight, then calls for referee Brian Stifler to come down.
MATCH 2: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky (w/Angelina Love)
Sky rams Kim’s head into the mat several times, then hits a corner clothesline. She hits a corner whip, another corner clothesline, a snapmare, a kick to the spine and a seated dropkick for 2. Kim gets hair-mared across the ring before pulling herself to her feet in the corner. She hits a back elbow out of the corner, avoids a whip and hits a forearm. She lands a couple of kicks, a shoulder off the ropes and a dropkick. Sky gets corner-whipped, and Kim hits the corner body attack before kicking Love away on the outside. Sky recovers and throws Kim face-first into the ring post, sending her to the floor. She distracts Stifler as Love attacks Kim on the outside before rolling her back in. Sky gets a paper bag from the ring steps and puts it on Kim’s head before landing another kick to the spine. Sky applies a sleeper, but Kim counters with a sit-out jawbreaker. Sky recovers and hits a snap DDT for 2. Sky checks her makeup, then pulls Kim to her feet. Kim hits Eat Defeat out of nowhere and gets 3.
WINNER: Gail Kim.
Love hits the ring after the match and nails a forearm to the back of Kim’s head.
We see the Menagerie backstage somewhere. Knux tells Crazzy Steve that tonight is his night. Steve laughs. This is easily the worst gimmick in TNA history. And that says a hell of a lot.
JB is backstage with EC3, asking about last week. EC3 says he told everyone he’d beat Kurt Angle, and that’s exactly what he did. He tore Angle’s ACL, and if that was Angle’s last match, what better way than to pass the torch to him? TNA has fed him meager legend after meager legend, and he has defeated them all. All of your heroes are failing you. He is the future because he destroys the past. This is his world now.
MATCH 3: Kazarian vs. Crazzy Steve (w/The Freak, Knux, Rebel and Two Guys On Stilts)
Why are these guys getting a five-minute entrance? Sweet Jebus. The bell ring, and Steve still has his horn & balloons in his hands. He offers the balloons to Kaz. Kaz takes them and slaps Steve before tossing them. He boots Steve and launches him to the floor. He misses a cross-body, but lands on his feet as Steve rolls back in. The Menagerie’s entrance them is still playing, BTW. Kaz tells both Knux and Freak to back off before tripping over Steve, who is back on the outside. Kaz throws him in the ring, and Steve goes to the apron for some dancing. Kaz shoves him off, but Freak pushes him back up on the apron. Kaz slingshots him in, and Steve lands on his feet before low-bridging Kaz to the floor. He grabs his balloons, brings them in the ring and misses a splash on them from the top. He slams the balloons into the mat to pop them. The music is still going. I don’t like Kaz, but I truly feel sorry for him here. Rebel and Freak are doing sh*t on the apron. Steve pulls down the ref’s pants, and that leads to a DQ. Yep.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Kazarian.
F*CK. That was the worst televised match I’ve seen in years, not to mention the single dumbest use of a DQ finish in wrestling history.
We see Austin Aries in the back, trying to use the bathroom, but a line of security guards are preventing that from happening. He wants to know what the hell is going on, and that’s when MVP comes out. He lays into MVP for being a liar when he called Aries the same thing. Aries slaps a security guard, so the other ones hold him back, allowing MVP to nail him in the gut. Security then drags Aries out of the building. As MVP turns around, EY nails him with a forearm and begins throwing him all over the place. Commercials.
Back from the break, the brawl between EY and MVP is still going. MVP gains the advantage after whipping EY into a wall. MVP then Pillmanizes EY’s left arm. He takes off his tie and chokes EY with it before hanging EY over his shoulder and walking him out by the stage. He drops EY chest-first across a guardrail, then starts laying in some right jabs. EY ducks one an begins hitting some rights, his left arm apparently fine now as well. MVP comes back with a gut shot and some kneelifts, then rolls EY down the ramp. EY fights back from his knees. MVP fights back, then walks into a boot to the gut. EY beats MVP down at ringside. MVP nails EY’s left arm, and EY remembers that it’s supposed to be hurt. MVP continues the attack, rolling EY onto the apron and slamming the arm down. In the ring now, MVP challenge EY to come at him. EY hits a boot, then knocks him down with right hands. MVP reverses a corner-whip, then runs into another boot. EY spears him and nails some more punches. MVP reverses things, and that’s when security and referees hit the ring to pull them apart. EY breaks through and jumps at MVP in the opposite corner. After another pull-apart, both men charge at each other. MVP tells the officials holding him back to leave. The remaining ones holding EY back stay, and MVP kicks EY in the nuts. He tells the rest of the officials to leave, then hits EY with an armbar takedown. He tells EY he made his point, and he’ll get his title defense tonight.
Back to Dixie’s house. Spud is looking around, and there are more spraypainted tables set up throughout the house. Spud enters the living room, and we hear Ray talking to someone. Spud jumps behind the couch, and Ray asks the cameraman what he’s doing here. The cameraman ruins things by saying, “Dixie sent us”. Ray pulls Spud from behind the couch, pins him down and takes his phone.
MATCH 4: Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm
Storm shoves Anderson, and Anderson responds with rights. He sends Storm into the corner, then does the same on the opposite side before hitting a clothesline. Storm then gets clotheslined over the top and to the floor. Anderson heads out, hits another right, then slams Storm “face-first” into the steps (Storm’s face didn’t come within 6 inches of the steps). Anderson throws him into the guardrail and hits a few rights before rolling Storm back in. Storm cuts him off by hotshotting the left arm, then throws him shoulder-first into the ring post, sending Anderson to the floor. Storm slams Anderson’s arm into the steps, then rolls him back in. Anderson comes back with a couple of rights, then gets hit with a shoulderblock. Storm stomps his bad arm. Anderson comes back with a back elbow and a clothesline. He goes for the rolling fireman’s carry, but Storm escapes and goes for a powerslam. Anderson escapes and goes for a clothesline. Storm kicks his arm away, misses a clothesline and gets hit with a swinging neckbreaker. Anderson runs into a back elbow in the corner. Storm mounts the middle rope, but Anderson cuts him off and hits a rolling fireman’s carry slam. He signals for the Mic Check, but Storm sees it coming and hugs the ref. This allows him to mule kick Anderson in the junk, and he stacks Anderson up for a pin. He only gets 2, as the ref sees his feet on the ropes. Storm goes for the Eye of the Storm, but Anderson blocks it. Storm boots him in the gut and hits a running DDT off the ropes for 2. Storm rolls outside and grabs a beer bottle from under the ring. He takes a swig before re-entering the ring, then grabs it by the neck. Anderson turns around, ducks a shot and goes for the Mic Check. As the ref goes to get rid of the bottle, Storm spits beer in Anderson’s face, then hits the Last Call for 3.
WINNER: James Storm. Upon seeing the replay, it’s obvious Storm needs to stop using the Last Call, because he doesn’t come anywhere near his opponent’s head. In this particular case, he came up around Anderson’s lower chest.
We see Samuel Shaw in a padded room. An orderly enters and says someone is here to see him. He asks if it’s Christy. The orderly doesn’t respond.
We get another video package for Sanada. This time, he’s studying matches on a laptop with the most colorful keyboard I’ve ever seen. He is also training and taking notes. It’s riveting footage, I swear.
MATCH 5-3-Way Match for the World X-Division Championship: DJ Z vs. Tigre Uno vs. Sanada (Champion)
Z has his midsection wrapped up as a result of last week. He’s also a douchewaffle. The match starts with Z hitting kneelifts on the other two. They come back with a double standing spinebuster, a double wishbone and a double seated dropkick that sends Z to the floor. Uno rolls Sanada up for 1. They crisscross until Uno hits a kick to the head. Sanada sends him into the corner, then snaps off a hurricanrana on the rebound. Sanada misses a standing moonsault, landson his feet and hits a dropkick to the back. Uno rolls outside, and Z comes in with forearms on Sanada. Sanada avoids a corner whip and rolls Z up for 2. He goes for the tiger suplex, but Z backs him into the corner. Sanada reverses a corner whip and goes for a monkey flip, but Z drops him face-first into the top buckle. Uno tries to re-enter, but gets knocked off the apron. Z hits a pair of knees to Sanada’s back for 2, then hits some elbows to the back of the neck. Sanada gets corner-whipped, then again for 2. Uno gets on the apron, and Z sends him into the buckles, knocking him to the floor again. Sanada comes back with shots to Z’s midsection, then chops him in the corner. Sanada follows up with a few more corner chops, ducks one from Z, then hits another. More chops, and now the two trade chops. Uno comes off the top, hitting both with a double dropkick, sending them both to the floor. Outside, Uno hits a springboard corkscrew moonsault, then rolls Z back in the ring. He goes up top, but Z shoves him to the floor. Sanada comes off the other side with a springboard chop on Z, then hits him with a tiger suplex for 3.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Sanada.
Back to Dixie. She’s outside, when her phone rings. Ray has Spud’s phone and tells her Spud is tied up. It’s a shame she’s all alone.
We’re in the padded room once again. Turns out the visitor is Gunner for whatever reason. He says Shaw needs someone to talk to. Shaw doesn’t respond.
Dixie’s on her phone in her house, begging Ray to come and talk to her, and she can make this all go away. She also has a tire iron in her hand. Ray doesn’t respond, so she hangs up. She finds Spud trapped under a table in a room. The door closes, and Ray is standing behind it. He asks if she ever thought it would come to this. She asks what he wants. He tells her this is all her fault. He’s in her home because of her. If she had never done what she did at Sacrifice, he wouldn’t be pissed. Does she really think he’s afraid of her? She has the whole world convinced that this is the case. Does she honestly think that? She says no. He asks if she wants this all to go away and leave her house. She says yes, so he tells her she needs to come clean, telling her to say, “Dixie Carter fears Bully Ray”. If she’ll admit it, he’ll leave. THe camera pans out, and we see EC3 behind Ray. He clubs Ray over the back of the neck, and Dixie tells Ray she fears no one. Boy, who didn’t see that coming?
We learn that Bobby Roode has been indefinitely suspended from TNA after last week. I can’t find a reason why he’s been written off TV via Google, so it’s a safe bet he’s about to pull a face turn.
MATCH 6-World Championship: Eric Young (Champion) vs. MVP
EY meets MVP outside and peppers him with rights before ripping off MVP’s shirt and choking him with it. He goes for a whip into the steps, but MVP reverses, sending EY shoulder-first into them. He sets EY up on the steps and puts the bad arm between the steps and the ring post before hitting a running boot into the steps. MVP stands on EY’s arm, then works it over through the bars on the guardrail. MVP kicks the guardrail as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, EY is in the ring. MVP climbs in and tells referee Brian Hefner to ring the bell to officially start the match. MVP hits a double axe handle on the bad arm, then whips it onto the mat. He grabs EY by the beard, and EY responds with some punches. MVP catches him with a kitchen sink for 2, then sends him shoulder-first into the top buckle. He locks EY in another hammerlock, this time sending him into the ring post. MVP hits a snapmare before applying an armbar/chinlock combo. EY fights back with rights, but then gets dropped with a shot to the gut. MVP stomps him down in the corner, then botches a corner whip. Yep. He goes for a running boot, and EY moves out of the way. EY hits some rights, ducks a clothesline and hits a discus clothesline of his own. They crisscross until EY hits a flying forearm. He signals for a flying elbow and goes up top, but Kenny King runs down to ringside and shoves him crotch-first onto the top rope, leading to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION, AND STILL CHAMPION: Eric Young.
MVP orders Hefner to restart the match, and tells him he’s fired if he doesn’t. Instead of responding, King knocks Hefner out. EY starts to fight back, but quickly gets double-teamed. King holds EY up, allowing MVP to lay in some more shots. Bobby Lashley runs down and spears EY before high-fiving MVP. King grabs a couple of chairs from under the ring. He sets them up, and Lashley hits a standing powerslam on EY through the chairs. MVP says there’s one thing missing. King hands him the World title, and he holds it up over his head before putting EY’s head on it like a pillow.
End of show.
So, TNA now has their bearded underdog champion, a heel owner, and a stable formed to protect said heel owner. Totally original ideas here that no one is doing on any other major wrestling show. No, sir.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
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