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TNA Bound for Glory 2011 Results – Sting vs. Hogan, Plus Some Other Guys

TNA Bound for Glory 2011 resultsWhen TNA Wrestling is holding their seventh annual incarnation of their version of WrestleMania, you know the drill: I have to cover it. And for the three of you reading my running diary of TNA Bound For Glory, just know that it’s appreciated. There’s also a good chance that at least one of you didn’t even know there was an event tonight. Don’t worry, Justin’s got it covered.

-Live from Philadelphia, home of your 2-4 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES!

-Mike Tenay and Taz provide the blow by blow, as well as any justification necessary for the stupidity that may occur.

-Shot of the Rocky Balboa statue opens the show. Only in Philly can we have a statue that honors a fictional character in a public square. What’s next, Bugs Bunny? He-Man? An attractive Dallas Cowboys fan?

-Opening video spotlights both the Sting/Hogan and Angle/Roode matches. One of them will feature good wrestling, a well told story, and possibly a satisfying ending. The other one will feature Hulk Hogan showing all of the mobility of Joe Paterno salsa dancing in a tar pit.

-X Division title match opens, as Brian Kendrick looks to regain his title from Austin Aries. If this was WWE, both men would go about four minutes before Triple H would walk out, angrily Pedigree both men, and cut a ten minute promo on why he hates The Miz. Then Aries would recover and get Pedigreed again. Sometimes I’m glad to be watching TNA instead of WWE. Sometimes.

-Kendrick’s hat vs. Aries’ cape: what would you rather wear (for a token amount of money to take away from the sting of fans calling you gay slurs)?

-Crowd is loud during the opening feeling out sequence, and it’s weird to see TNA fans chanting with their mouths open. It’s like the sounds aren’t being dubbed in, and that the fans are cheering to justify what they paid for their tickets. Or something.

-Uh oh, crowd’s getting loud for both men. As two longtime indy darlings, you’d have to expect that. Of course, if this is followed with lumbering heavyweights that aren’t as popular on a cult level, you may see this hot crowd die off. What am I talking about? OF COURSE this hot crowd will die off.

-Aries endears himself to me by hitting Kendrick with a double-foot face stretch, followed by an old school Ted Dibiase fist drop for 2. Add the Mr. Perfect running neck snap while you’re at it. I never tire of the classic heel tactics.

-Dear fat dude in the third row with your arms folded: you can’t possibly have done enough in your life to justify acting like the wrestlers in the ring are beneath you. Unless you won a wet t-shirt contest or something. I admit, those are some impressive D cups.

-Kendrick about murders Aries on a running tornado DDT, but only gets 2. Good stuff so far. Then Aries tops him with a near-lethal suicide dive that bends the guardrail. Correction: GREAT stuff so far.

-Crowd totally bought a finish where Kendrick escaped a brianbuster and cradled Aries for 2. Kendrick managed a Sliced Bread #2 off the top rope(!!!!) but Aries draped himself over the ropes for 2. WOW.

-Kendrick’s heroic effort is all for naught as Aries finishes with a brainbuster to retain. Man, they’re gonna have a hard time topping that one tonight, and Aries is one of the better heels in the business. His subtleties are on par with Alberto Del Rio’s, and he deserves consideration for a main event push down the line (if this new writing administration is smart). Great opener.

-From that to….Karen Jarrett yelling at Traci Brooks for hanging out with Karen and Jeff’s kids. Karen makes herself the referee for the Knockouts Title match tonight, cementing her claim to the “Annoying Stephanie McMahon Wannabe Throne”. And Stephanie makes for a lousy Stephanie, so that’s nothing to be proud of.

-RVD-Jerry Lynn vignette. The good news: the Philly phaithful will likely love this match. Bad news: their combined age is 88 years old. Thankfully, we get to see what this feud looks like, with a) better production value and b) both guys getting paid for it.

-So the RVD-Lynn match is “Full Metal Mayhem” which is a fancy way of saying “hardcore match”. Ok then. “ECW” chants kick off the match, which will inspire McMahon or Dixie to try and revive the concept again sometime. Please…..don’t.

-Quick opening allows Taz to tell some “Back in EC-Dubya” stories. He should tell the one of the guy who defecated in Sandman’s gym bag. That never gets old. By the way, Jerry Lynn seems to have lost fifty pounds of muscle since a decade ago. If this was McMahon or Monsoon, they’d praise him for “working on his conditioning.”

-RVD takes an unprotected bump, missing an Asai moonsault off the rail to the floor. This allows Lynn to pull a ladder from under the ring. Just like ECW! Then RVD takes time to pose for the fans for no reason. Just like ECW. *sigh*

-Nerve damage update: RVD springboard splashes Lynn onto a chair, and Lynn’s twitching. Yeowch! I think a Full Metal Mayhem match would only be complete if the loser has to endure R. Lee Ermey yelling at them for an hour. Then Lynn takes the chair “skateboarder” in the corner. I hope when Lynn’s 75, he’s still not doing ECW nostalgia matches for scratch.

-Typical RVD: he sets up a pointless spot where he does a backflip for no reason, grabs a chair, and Lynn kicks it into his face. RVD is like Rube Goldberg meets Seth Rogen, with an unlikeable attitude all around. Still like em, though.

-Nerve damage update: Lynn is suplexed onto a ladder with nothing to break his fall. Get that man a Thermawrap!

-Lynn takes some of RVD’s “dumb pills” and pulls a second ladder out from under the ring. You have one in the ring. Why would you…..nevermind. Damn ECW mentality. Lynn then hits a sunset powerbomb in which RVD’s skull grazes the ladder. Chris Nowinski weeps.

-RVD just about decapitates Lynn with a Van Daminator for 2. At this rate, whatever move ends the match is going to involve a hand grenade. Indeed, RVD hits a Van Terminator with a chair and a ladder, prompting a “religious fecal matter” chant from the crowd. RVD simply pins Lynn underneath the ladder to win. It was fun, but I could deal without the head injuries. Show is 2 for 2 so far, at least.

-Both men shake hands and hug afterward, because nothing says “mutual respect” like “trying to kill a guy in a hastily organized stunt show.”

-Earlier today, Dixie Carter arrives. TENSION.

-Triple threat preview with Samoa Joe, Matt Morgan, and Crimson. This is the part of the show where Vince McMahon and Kevin Dunn run through an entire bottle of Lubriderm.

-Samoa Joe: “I’ve had everything stacked against me.” In context, out of context, who the hell cares.

-I love Joe’s Godzilla music. If TNA booked Japanese monster movies, Godzilla would get beaten by a different uncoordinated monster every time, and then would wonder why the fans lose interest in Godzilla after a while.

-Crowd chants for Joe while he does the cowardly “I’ll sit back while you two fight” spot. Philly fans don’t like your booking, TNA! And wow, Joe’s kicking ass early on, low bridging Crimson and taking out Morgan’s knee. Will we see the dominant Joe of old? I know I’m not getting my hopes up. Joe murders Crimson with an elbow suicida, and the fans are optimistic, albeit cautiously. Joe’s being booked better in this one match than he has been in the last two or three years. Still, I’m guarded.

Crowd update: Morgan does something: meh. Crimson does something: meh. Joe does something: OMIGODSECONDCOMINGOFJEEZUSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!~!!!1!

-Joe tries the Muscle Buster, but Morgan saves. Morgan misses the Carbon Footprint and hurts his knee, but Crimson hits the spear on Joe for the win. Good big man match, even if Joe did take the fall yet again. There’s always Japan, Joe.

-Bully Ray promo leads to the forthcoming street fight with Mr. Anderson. I love the Bully Ray character; it’s revitalized Bubba Ray Dudley’s career completely by playing to his “hardcore punk rocker from New York” attitude. And his speech about exploiting the Philly fans to make his bread in life is just Heel 101. WWE wishes they had talents that could exude his natural attitude and magnetism.

-Match begins fast and furious, with a lot of freneticism in the first 45 seconds. Expect a nice slowdown section in the middle that goes about five minutes to counter.

-Bully Ray chops Anderson hard in the corner, and Tenay probes Taz to explain what it feels like: “It sucks”. Taz is truly the Tony Siragusa of wrestling announcers.

-Using an old ECW standard, Anderson takes a loaded sign from a fan (cardboard over a “DEAD END”) sign, and smashes Ray’s skull in. Loved it in 1996 when I didn’t know what concussions did to people. Jesus, careful in there, guys. You don’t want to end up like John Mackey here. Speaking of ECW-like moments, a cutie in hipster glasses throws her drink on Anderson. Wonder what the security guard is going to tell her she can do to avoid being ejected.

-Bully Ray pulls out a table. Truly this show is ECW, without the bounced checks and bad Axl Rotten match.

-Now for the aforementioned slowdown, as Ray takes a moment from working to steal Anderson’s sky-mic and cut his own self-intro, only for Anderson to attack, bellow “WELCOME TO PHILLY, BITCH!” and whomp him with the mic. That’s how we greet Mets fans.

-Backstage, and Ray piledrives Anderson on the bare concrete. A close-up shows that Ray is gashed. Come on, guys, Linda’s not gonna win the election if you keep doing crazy stuff like th—oh, wrong company. My apologies, gentlemen.

-I’ve figured it out: Mr. Anderson looks like Ryan Reynolds after a mid-life crisis in which he realizes he’ll never be half the actor that Josh Hartnett is. That was killing me; I just couldn’t figure it out.

-Guardrail in the ring, just like those Hackenschmidt classics. Ray takes a backdrop onto it, bending it good. Serious question: why is Bully Ray never mentioned in the “toughest wrestler alive” discussions? Consider the bumps he’s taken in life. Anderson takes a Brother Bomb through a table, and he gets the shoulder up. Can Brother Ray win “Most Improved” at age forty? I think he can.

-More Ray insanity: he missed a senton backsplash and bent the rail even more. Geez, Ray. Then he takes a Mic Check on the rail and kicks out. It’s like RVD and Lynn told them, “You guys can’t take the bumps we take” and Ray felt his manhood being threatened.

-Anderson lands a Kenton Bomb off the top onto Ray on the table, bending it, then finishes the table with a Mic Check through the table to win. Brutal stuff, but nothing bad in the least. TNA’s on a roll, but, then again, we haven’t seen Hogan-Sting yet. It’s like waiting for biopsy results.

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-Eric Bischoff confers with a referee. Sounds like chicanery to me, but who am I to make such guesses?

-Knockouts title match next up, with Winter, Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne, and Mickie James. Nice way to come down off of a brutal street fight. And yes, I do say “come down” as preferred word choice. Mickie’s pseudo-gangster outfit makes that word choice more appropriate.

-Here to ruin my mood is Karen Jarrett coming out last to be the referee. Stephanie-Lite, I’ll say it again.

-I check James Caldwell’s review of Bound For Glory because his hatred of professional wrestling is amusing. I yet again say to Mr. Caldwell: please quit reviewing shows. You have the tolerance level of a curmudgeonly nun with a history of abusive elders.

-So Karen overshadows the match by showing bias against Mickie and Velvet.

-Sidenote: Mickie should always wear booty shorts when she wrestles. Just saying. Match kinda breaks down, thus ruining the good match streak. It’s like a no hitter being broken up in the sixth inning: disappointing, but still headed toward a win.

-Ahh, but Winter accidentally blinds Karen with the mist, thus rendering her unable to be biased. Velvet spikes Madison with the underhook facebuster to win her first title after four years in the company. About time they rewarded her popularity.

-Kazarian is torn on the I Quit match. On the one hand, he’s hoping his friends don’t kill each other. On the other, he wishes he could talk without sounding wooden.

-AJ Styles/Christopher Daniels promo video to some really bad sorta-rap music. What’s up with the Phantom organ?

-The I Quit match is classic “ref handles the microphone” style, and sadly, it’s not Roddy Piper screaming “WHADDDYASAY?!?!” Instead, we get a phallic sequence from AJ, trying to force Daniels to deep throat the mic. Terry Garvin, that spot’s for you, my disturbed friend.

-Awesome moment as AJ has a bridging deathlock on Daniels, and then slides his hands down Daniels’ face, so that a possible submission isn’t muffled. I love subtleties in my wrestling. I feel so much smarter when I notice them.

-Sensing desperation, Daniels throws a wrench at AJ. I feel like I’m playing the old WCW game for NES now. Where’s the WCW Master? Better yet, where’s Rick Steiner and his custard-yellow pants? Where’s the fans that look like mutated puppets? I miss the eight bit era.

-Daniels lands a bizarre twisting suplex on the apron that bounces Styles off the top rope. Man, that looked scary. Just noticed that Styles has a breast cancer ribbon on his tights. He’s like a classy version of Jerry Lawler. Oh, and AJ still won’t give up. So Daniels punishes him with a BME. Fun stuff so far.

-Daniels chokes AJ with a chair while he gleefully taunts him. Daniels then raves like a loon with jealous tendencies, which is somewhat comical, but at least we have characters with personality. Then Daniels kinda threatens him with murder, which will probably get a thumbs down from Caldwell. Daniels: “Wendy. Wennnnnndy!” to AJ’s wife. Sadly, he doesn’t add “GIVE ME THE BAT!”

-AJ’s moonsault into a reverse DDT will always be awesome. Needed to be said.

-Frenzied sequence back and forth ends with Styles planting him with the Styles Clash. AJ then gets the screwdriver, but Daniels, great dick that he is, quits before AJ can wreak havoc on him. Daniels runs off, leaving a pissed off AJ as the winner. Not a good blowoff, and it isn’t, but it was a nice character moment for Daniels. Good match until the abrupt ending.

-But wait: Styles goes to leave, and Daniels attacks him on the stage, hitting the Angel’s Wings. Daniels: “HE NEVER BEAT ME! HE NEVER BEAT ME!” I hope this feud lasts six more months.

-Just to keep anyone from having fun, Jeff Jarrett has arrived to talk. He browbeats Jeff Hardy a bit. The Philly crowd chants for Hardy and, for that, I hope Roy Halladay gets hit by a bus. You people make me sick. This brings out Hardy in a hoodie. I do love Hardy’s shirt, as it has his mugshot on it in reverse coloring. Classy.

-It turns into a brawl that security breaks up. Meh, I was lukewarm on this feud seven years ago, and now, I’m downright lukecold.

-Hogan/Sting promo video, which means Angle and Roode is last. Kudos to TNA for doing the right thing, and letting someone the present and the future go on last. Hopefully Hogan doesn’t see that as a blow to his ego, and then does something to mend his feelings later, like win the title himself.

-Crowd gives Hogan a monster reaction. Now I hope Cliff Lee gets hit by a bus too. I’m aligning with New York now, you dimwits.

-I’ll say this much, even if it’s been somewhat hinted at: the day that Sting and Hogan need to have a stand up brawl in street clothes is the day that their generation has come and gone. And it’s been “gone” for longer than either man would like to admit.

-After some early shadow-boxing, Hogan brings out Ric Flair to bump for him. After that piece on Grantland, I can’t really take Flair seriously. Maybe Scott Hall will show up to drum up ratings for the E:60 piece. So the match continues and Sting works a really long headlock. Like, really long. Hogan counters out and Hulks up and the crowd cheers. Don’t do this to me….

-Hogan dominates Sting and adds some crotch chops, just to remind us that he and Triple H are roughly the same age. Outside the ring, Flair chops Sting. It’s all part of the new TNA stable: De-Evolution.

-Sting is busted open. Hogan must have sliced him with his catheter. Sting takes control, and then alternates between attacking Hogan and chasing Flair. This would be monster business if this was 1990. However, it’s 2011, and the combined age is 172 between the three men. Oh, and now Hulk’s busted open. Flair’s the only one NOT bleeding. Spooky.

-Sting lands a few Stinger Splashes and makes Hogan tap to the Scorpion Death Lock. Well, at least it was short. Then Immortal hits the ring to destroy Sting, and the referee (Bischoff’s son) tries to prevent the melee before his old man takes him out. Hogan has a change of heart and helps Sting annihilate the heels to a MONSTER ovation. When Hulk’s champ in a month, blame Philly.

-Admittedly, there was nothing terrible about the whole Hogan/Sting skirmish and aftermath, which leads to believe that, on this night, TNA can do almost no wrong. Build on this, guys.

-Angle/Roode video. Just give me a good match here and it’s a thumbs up show.

-After Hogan’s stupid Twitter comments, I was hoping Roode would get a monster ovation, but he merely gets a solid one. Let’s hope he wins the crowd over by match’s end. An epic finish can give this show a legendary feel, one that wins over some new fans and….hell, I just want two major companies again.

-Big “Bobby” chant. There we go.

-Roode gets a crossface early, and Angle snares the ropes. Roode has control early on, as Angle seems a little spaced out. Would kinda suck if they change the title because of Angle’s health, especially as a way for Roode to win his first championship.

-Angle takes over with Wrestling 101, working the midsection and planting a hard knee to establish control. Angle keeps working the waistlock submission, so it’s a slow match early. I wonder how bad Angle’s injuries are?

-Angle tries a moonsault, and Roode manages a springboard German Suplex that flipped Angle onto his face. Yeesh. Please don’t die, Kurt. Roode builds a head of steam out of a slugfest and lays Angle out with a hard lariat. No James Storm yet, and I’m hoping this show doesn’t end with Storm turning on Roode. Let’s shoot for a happy ending for once.

-Angle’s milking the near falls. Roode reversed an Angle Slam into a spinebuster and Angle got the shoulder up a millisecond before 3. I’m actually feeling tense watching this. That’s right, wrestling: make me a mark, and you know you’ve put on a good show.

-Roode hooks the crossface, and there’s not even any horrified irony attached to the move anymore. Angle hooks an ankle lock within the hold and manages to completely escape the crossface. Roode manages to roll Angle into the crossface again to counter. Awesome. Angle rolls him into a pinning combo for 2, and Roode rehooks the crossface.

-ANGLE SLAM! 2 count only. My fingers are trembling. DAMN IT, JUSTIN, YOU’RE 27!

-Angle goes back to the ankle lock, but Roode kicks his way out. Spinebuster, followed by the Payoff, gets two. Well, the finishers are exhausted. Now what?

-Back to the ankle lock yet again, but Roode escapes. Angle uses the ref as a shield and manages a low blow during the distraction. A second Angle Slam cannot keep Roode down! Crowd is way into this. Philly, you are forgiven.

-Into the rolling Germans, but Roode gets out after a pair and hooks the Crossface. Angle manages a rope break as tension builds. Roode catches Angle off the top with yet another Crossface, but Angle escapes. After a series of reversals, Angle gets the Angle Slam and…..uses the ropes to get the win?!? Wow, ballsy ending to a damn good match. Angle appears to be injured legit, and the story is likely not over yet.

OVERALL: Well, there were definitely a number of matches I’d consider PPV quality (Aries-Kendrick, RVD-Lynn, Anderson-Ray, Styles-Daniels, and Angle-Roode) while nothing was the least bit horrible. As it is, it’s a thumbs up effort from TNA, even with the disappointing ending.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for WrestlingNewsSource.com and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

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Eric G.

Eric is the owner and editor-in-chief of the Camel Clutch Blog. Eric has worked in the pro wrestling industry since 1995 as a ring announcer in ECW and a commentator/host on television, PPV, and home video. Eric also hosted Pro Wrestling Radio on terrestrial radio from 1998-2009. Check out some of Eric's work on his IMDB bio and Wikipedia. Eric has an MBA from Temple University's Fox School of Business.

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