Sunday, May 22, 2022

NFL 0-4…Oh, No!

Tom CableWhen I last left the loyal readers of, I was speaking about this year’ s cream of the crop in the NFL. Those teams, who after three weeks of play, remained undefeated. There will be two less teams with perfect records going into Week 5 due to the losses suffered by the Jets and the Ravens. Everyone else played the way I expected them to, and the list of the flawless has shrank down slightly.

Enough gloating from me, as I turn to the not so bright side of the NFL season. We see it virtually every year, and this is certainly no exception. There are always the teams a few weeks in who are absolutely winless. It’ s painful to watch their games, as you really start to root for them, hoping they’ ll pull it together and get at least one taste of sweet victory before the end of the season. Entering Week 4, there were seven of these winless teams. A Dolphins victory narrowed that down to six. For many of them, there isn’ t much hope in sight.

[adinserter block=”1″]First up on our list of baddies are the Cleveland Browns. You know you’ re bad when starting quarterbacks are being shuffled in the fourth week of the season. You know you’ re terrible when it takes you about three weeks between touchdowns for your team. I won’ t even begin to talk about Eric Mangini (anyone else notice how he’ s suddenly not the “Man-Genius” anymore?)’ s terrible coaching. It’ s not looking good for Cleveland. They obviously have some of the lowest ranks in offense and defense.

It’ s downright pitiful. These guys just need a hug. It doesn’ t get much easier from here. Next week they play what is likely to be their “weakest” opponent for a while, the Buffalo Bills. From there, they have the Steelers, the Packers, and then the Bears, then a bye week. Ouch. Expect half the team to kill themselves during week nine, as they pick up in week 10 and take on the Ravens. God definitely hates the Cleveland Browns, I’ m convinced. To be quite honest, I don’ t blame him.

The surprise winless team this year are the Tennessee Titans. A team that many thought was playoff bound entering the season, they’ ve come in cold as you can be. While their offense certainly has a pulse, and they’ ve managed to put points on the board, their defense reminds me of your little brother and his friends trying to block you when you’ re in high school playing football against them.

They just can’ t contain a damn thing. I doubt they can contain a wheelchair bound team at this point. They’ re just bad. For the next two weeks, they just keep getting the short end of the straw, as they take on the Colts and then New England. Poor Titans, they had a lot of hope too. Now they should just hope for a win in Week 8 against the Jaguars as it looks like their only shot for a while.

The Kansas City Chiefs had some high hopes entering the season. After picking up Matt Cassell, who led the Patriots to a near playoff berth after becoming a starter due to Tom Brady’ s injury, the Chiefs thought they had their franchise quarterback. The man that would lead them to victory every week. Well, they have yet to be led anywhere other than the L column on Monday mornings.

I feel bad, mostly because I thought he had a lot of potential to be a great Quarterback. However, when you’ re surrounded by subpar talent, your quarterbacking abilities fall into doubt. They’ re just about dead last on both sides of the ball. Todd Haley will certainly have a few more grey hairs at the end of this season, especially because I believe we’ re looking at the second incarnation of the Detroit Lions. Yeah, I said that. Write it down. Oh yeah, I already did. Hold me to this one, because I’ m positive the Chiefs will be that bad for the duration of the season.

The Carolina Panthers had a bye week at the best possible time. After three straight losses to start the season, a bye week is just what they needed to sit back, regroup, and come back strong. Their upcoming schedule isn’ t that tough either, so they may give themselves a lot of hope to make a run for the playoffs this year with a shift in momentum going their way. Don’ t expect that to happen, though. They do play some difficult teams toward the middle of the season, right up to the very end. That’ s what happens when you go up against teams like the Patriots, the Giants, the Saints, and the Jets. They will more than likely finish the season at 6-10 from the way I see it. While their secondary is one of the strongest in the league, their offense has been lacking, and their run defense is downright abysmal.

If I were to own an NFL Franchise, I’ d actually like to own the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Before you check me into a psych ward, hear me out. You can take that stupid ship of theirs, and slide down the gigantic pirate flag, waving a sword and wearing funny pants. Then you can take that sword, and lop off the heads of all their awful fans and put them out of their misery. They are just an abominable franchise. A far cry from their Superbowl win in 2002, they are flat out painful to watch.

So far, opponents are outscoring them by 54 points, and the JV team that is the Bucs are doing nothing to put an end to it. They have a similar schedule to Carolina, playing in the same division and all, but I think the Bucs are just about the worst team playing right now. Only the Chiefs surpass the Buccaneers’ atrociousness. Maybe Byron Leftwich can put on the silly pirate hat so he can lead the rest of his teammates, and all the coaches and fans on that dumb ship, and sail off into the Atlantic. God willing, the US Navy will consider it a terrorist threat, fire a missile into the ship, and we’ ll be rid of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers forever.

Finally, we look at the Greatest Snore on Turf. Ranking dead last in points scored, and second to last in both total yards and passing yards we have the St. Louis Rams. I suppose the city of St. Louis is only allowed to have one successful team at a time. Sorry, St. Louis Blues, you have a long time to wait. They have a light-to-moderate schedule, which most certainly works in their favor, but don’ t expect a run for the playoffs. Their backup quarterback has more TD passes then their starter. Ouch. They don’ t have a single rushing touchdown this season, and their only glimmer of hope is a receiver without a single 100 yard receiving game this season.

It’ s pitiful. If I was the GM of the Rams, I would definitely be scratching my head, wondering where Kurt Warner, Marshall Faulk, and Isaac Bruce all went to. Then I’ d realize I spent so much on those guys, that now I have to start from scratch. It really is hard to have a dynasty in the NFL. It’ s not impossible, it’ s just hard. The Patriots did everything they’ re supposed to do, and the Rams obviously did not. Now they’ re paying for it dearly. There’ s not much to go into here that hasn’ t been touched on already. If the Rams get 4 wins this season, I will be surprised. Expect a 3-13 season out of St. Louis. Expect the entire city to hang themselves on that awful arch in December.

[adinserter block=”2″]All in all, the bad teams will more than likely remain bad, with an exception here and there. But there will certainly be no miracle run for the playoffs for any of them. At best, an 8-8 record for one of them, but this won’ t be a “season to remember” for any of them. Unless you happen to mean “remember not to do THIS anymore.” These are your worst of the league this year, so sit back and enjoy the ride, the ridicule, and the embarrassment that will be sure to make us all cringe watching them for the rest of the season. I know the Detroit Lions certainly will, after all, they are ahead of six other teams right now, so why wouldn’ t they?

Erik Espenberg is a native New Yorker who is an avid fan of the Yankees, Rangers, and Jets. When not writing for Camel Clutch, he can be found killing his brain cells playing assorted video games. He can be contacted at

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