I love Bobby Heenan.
July 10th, 1989:
-First off, I love Heenan’s theme, it was actually my ringtone for a few years.
-Haye’s introduction is killer mostly because you knew Bobby wrote it: A maharaja of repartee, tongue of a silver serpent, man of candid charm, sartorial elegance and without a doubt the one and only star of the Bobby Heenan Show. I probably butchered some of it, but you get the gist.
-Heenan already taking shots at Carson, Arsenio, and Regis and takes a shot at Vanna “KEEP BOB EUCKER AWAY FROM ME” White.
-Heenan rule number one: You don’t the host. Heenan rule number two for the Oinkettes: Don’t touch the furniture, it’s new.
-Heenan introduces the Oinkettes, three obese ladies in swimsuits. Great Heenan zinger after one girl asks if he admires her treasure chest: “All four of em.” Heenan smells and assures the folks at home that they do not smell bacon at home, it just that the lights are hot.
-Heenan asks the ladies if they participate in any sports, one responds with weightlifting. Heenan asks if they lift quarter ponders of double cheeseburgers. Another one says swimming and Heenan counters with a Titanic joke. It’s an old joke but Heenan hits it out of the park. And we go to break.
-Heenan demands that Hayes finds him a guest and Hayes proclaims that the guest is a rocket scientist, worked with NASA and is now an air traffic controller. It’s JAMESON! For those of you young enough and wonder who I’m talking about, he managed the Bushwackers and was then killed the Bezerker when he was tossed off Titan Towers. The show is pretty much the gong show with the freaks getting insulted by Bobby for our amusement.
-Heenan is absolutely brutal on the poor guy, criticizing his wardrobe and probing about what Jameson does. He doesn’t work for NASA or do any rocket scientist stuff or work at LaGuardia, and Heenan counters that he’s look the type of guy he sees there.
-Another bit on Jameson’s love life, Heenan isn’t surprised and sarcastically quips that must have women pounding on his door. Heenan probes on Jameson’s personal life and Jameson claims that Vince sent him since they were looking for help. Masturbation joke and were going to break.
-Heenan asks about Jameson going on a date with an Oinkette and gives a convenient plug for No Holds Barred and the benefits of buying pizza for an Oinkette, you don’t have to cut up the pizza.
-Jameson’s favorite food is anything that he can hold with his hands since he stabs himself with a fork. Heenan counters that he isn’t allowed to hold sharp objects, matches, or a belt. Jesus Bobby, and to make it worse Bobby Heenan says that if were him, he wouldn’t want to go on with life. I honestly think that Jameson isn’t on it since anytime he gets flustered, Heenan smiles directly into the camera.
-Jameson starts to sing The Doors and Heenan’s look into the camera is great and Heenan convinces him that Greyhound Buses are actually a touring band. Jameson finally snaps at Heenan and Heenan kicks him off the show. Commercial break.
-Jameson is still with us, mostly because the people from the home have yet to pick him up according to Bobby. We get our next guesses: A mother and daughter comedy team, Coco and Penny.
-I’m just going to save you the time and tell you that the comedians are awful. The set-up is: The daughter (Penny) plays straight girl to a sex-crazed mother (Coco). Heenan looks like he would rather be anywhere than here, except for a four-hour Nitro special with Tony Schiavone, Mongo and Mark Madden. Seriously, Mad TV is funnier than this, Chozen is Archer compared to these jokes. The daughter claims that the mom has a split personality which explains why she talks like Dolly Parton or a deep-voiced guy. Heenan finally kills the bit, tells them they stink but they don’t get it and laugh. Commercial break.
-We come back from break with the two of them doing another bit which Heenan kills quickly. They state that they play Dangerfield’s in NYC every Sunday and Bobby counters that they must be closed that day. We get one last bit and Heenan kills it right away, show over.
Robert Goeman has been writing for CamelClutchBlog since 2014 and has written for FiveOuncesofPain and What Culture. Follow him on twitter at https://twitter.com/RobertGoeman. After every article, Robert usually does “Talking Points” on twitter, bringin up points that didn’t make the article.
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