Before I get into the show, I’d like to say that I usually avoid spoilers. The only time I read them is when I know I’m going to miss a show for whatever reason (cable’s out, DVR doesn’t record, etc.). Otherwise, despite all of the information available on wrestling out there, when it comes to the actual TV shows, I like to go in not knowing anything, and still enjoy being surprised by wrestling and suspending my disbelief. That being said, I still occasionally read a spoiler by accident, whether it’s because I read a normal article that turns out to be a spoiler, or if someone just posts a spoiler to a show somewhere and doesn’t clearly state that it’s a spoiler, ruining it for the rest of us. Last Wednesday was one of those times. If you’ve already read other articles here on CCB or elsewhere, you probably already know what I’m talking about. Tonight’s main event, at least to me, is very bittersweet, and I’ll get to that later on in the recap.
The show starts with another James Storm video recap, which leads right into a Robert Roode video recap, as well as Roode winning the #1 contender match last week, which he cashes in tonight.
The 11/3/11 edition of Impact Wrestling starts off. TNA is coming from Macon, GA this week (and next week). World Champion James Storm makes his way to the ring. Storm says, growing up in the south, you learn things that will help you in life and make you into a real man. Southerners treat everyone in the world with respect, and if someone disses the red, white and blue, you beat the hell out of them. I disagree with that whole southerner remark. I’ve met a whole mess of narrow-minded pricks from the south in my lifetime. Storm says you only get one go around in this life, and what you do with it is up to you. He got drunk the other night and was wondering what was going to be on his tombstone. He lists off a bunch of things before saying “World Champion”. He can come out here and say he’s going to be a fighting champion like everyone else, but he drinks too much for all of that. He’s been everywhere in the U.S., and it has brought him right here to Macon. He’s been around the world 6 times, and there’s one man who has been on his side the entire time, and that man is Bobby Roode.
Ooh. Ronnie from “Jersey Shore” will be here tonight. And TNA wonders why no one takes them seriously.
We see Eric Young walk into the building with the aforementioned Ronnie. Woo.
MATCH 1-Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Gail Kim and Madison Rayne (w/Traci Brooks and Karen Jarrett) vs. Champions Miss Tessmacher and Tara
I really didn’t want the first match of the night to involve the Jarrett Horse Ranch. Actually, I don’t want them on here at all. Apparently Tara and Tessy are calling themselves “TNT” now. Not that it matters. Once they lose tonight, they’ll probably stop teaming together anyway. Tessy and Rayne start off. Tie up into to an arm wringer by Tessy. Tara tags in and takes over the wringer. Rayne reverses into one, but Tara cartwheels out into another one. Tessy back in, who hits a pair of arm drags and an armbar. Tara back in, and they hit a double gourdbuster. Kim tags in now. Boot to the gut by Kim, followed by some forearms. Tara comes back with a pair of clotheslines and a whip off the ropes. Tara hits a back body drop. Kim tries to tag out, but Rayne doesn’t want to. She eventually does, and gets hit by a clothesline, a forearm and a horrible dropkick by Tessy who tagged in. Tessy goes for a stinkface, but Kim yanks her off from the apron. Kim tags in now and hits an uppercut, followed by a botched neckbreaker for 2. Kim locks on a dragon sleeper, but Tessy elbows her way out. Kim forearms her in the face and stomps her in the head. Rayne tags in and goes for the Taco Twister, but Tessy slides out and tags Tara in. Tara with a couple of clotheslines and a bodyslam. She goes for the standing moonsault, but Kim bulldogs her down from behind. Tessy spears Kim. They brawl to the floor. Tara hits the Widow’s Peak, but Karen Jarrett jumps on the apron to distract the ref. Meanwhile, Kim comes back in and hits Tara with what I’m calling Drop Foot Syndrome until I am told it’s called something else. The ref turns around to see Rayne making the pin, and counts the 3.
WINNERS AND NEW CHAMPIONS: Gail Kim and Madison Rayne.
We see Garrett Bischoff talking to Anonymous Interviewer. He says he’s been apologizing to his dad his whole life, whether he’s been right or not. Tonight, he’s going to give his dad what he wants, and that’s an apology, but he’s going to apologize his way.
Back from the commercial, Garrett’s in the ring. The last few weeks have been pretty crazy, and he never would have thought it would have come down to this. It blows his mind. His dad would like an apology. He came here tonight to do that. He then calls Eric Bischoff down to the ring to apologize face-to-face.
Eric Bischoff makes his way down to the ring. Garrett says he wants to apologize face-to-face. He’s sorry that he hasn’t lived up to Eric’s expectations, and he’s sorry he let Eric down at BFG. He’s really sorry he hasn’t grown into the man Eric wanted him to be, but what he’s most sorry about is that he didn’t do this years ago. Garrett then decks Eric, takes him down and lays in a bunch of punches until Ric Flair and Gunner come down to the ring and chase him off. Eric eventually gets up and just screams a whole bunch of times.
We see Samoa Joe walking around backstage. He comes across Sting. He asks Sting if he needs anything. Sting says everything is peachy and wants to know what Joe wants. Joe thanks him for the opportunity he was given last week in the match with Roode. Sting says it was his pleasure, “Joseph”. Joe says he needs Sting to also understand that, if he thinks that’s going to shut him up, he’s mistaken. If Sting doesn’t show him the respect he deserves, people around here wind up getting hurt. Does Sting understand that? Sting says he understands that if he doesn’t show Joe respect, Joe’s going to kill somebody. Copy. Got it. Joe says “We’ll see” before walking off. Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair then walk up. Eric says if Sting could fire him right now, he would, but they both know Sting can’t do that, because they have ironclad contracts. Flair came up with a great idea. He and Eric want a match with Garrett, and if Sting gives them that, they’ll give Sting a chance to rewrite Eric’s contract. Sting says it’s interesting, but he’s going to talk to Garrett first.
We see Christopher Daniels walking around. He says everything’s coming up Christopher Daniels. Ever since he started doing things for himself, he’s been on a winning streak. First, he beat A.J. Styles, and then went to BFG and beat Styles in an “I Quit” Match. He says that, despite the “audio tomfoolery” that occurred in that match, he was still the one who walked out on his own. He wants to know where his title shots are now, especially since he beat Rob Van Dam last week. RVD walks up behind him as he’s talking about the sloppy ring crew leaving a screwdriver laying around. He doesn’t need a screwdriver to beat Styles or Bob Van Dam. Daniels turns around into a punch from RVD. RVD takes him down and punches him a whole bunch of times before slamming him into a wall. More punches and a kick to the chest. More punches. RVD throws him into some chairs. Daniels pulls some of them down and runs away.
MATCH 2: Jesse Sorensen vs. World X-Division Champion Austin Aries (non-title)
So much for the new focus on the X-Division. This is the first X match I can recall seeing in weeks, and the champion hasn’t even been featured in backstage segments, let alone matches. Aries is one of the top 5 talents on the roster, and he’s just being wasted. Sorensen ducks a clothesline and gets a quick school boy for 1. He then goes for a backslide and gets another one. Kid Kash has just joined the commentary table. This should be stunning. Aries decks Sorensen off a handshake, then lays in some elbows to the back of the head. He hits a back elbow off the ropes and a jumping elbow drop for 2. Aries goes for the brainbuster, but Sorensen back drops him to the floor. He goes for a plancha to the floor, but Aries sidesteps him, gets in the ring and hits a suicide dive. Aries throws Sorensen back in the ring and gets 2. Aries locks in a neck vice. Sorensen elbows his way out, but Aries catches him in a leg breaker into a uranage, then follows it up with a quick spinning elbow for 2. Nice-looking sequence there. Aries gets Sorensen in the corner and hits an open-handed chop, but runs into a boot. Sorensen comes back with a knife edge and a pair of high knees. A dropkick gets 2. Sorensen goes up top, but misses a cross body. Aries kicks Sorensen in the head, follows it up with a corner dropkick, then throws Sorensen in the corner. He hits another corner dropkick before going for the brainbuster. Sorensen quickly reverses into a roll-up and gets the 3.
WINNER: Jesse Sorensen. Good match, and a little longer than the average X-Division fare, which is never a bad thing. Aries then calls Kid Kash over. He wants to talk to Kash about “Jesse Sorenstat”.
We see Robbie E and Rob Terry making their way into the arena. I couldn’t give a damn.
Back from the break, James Storm is in the locker room getting ready. He says this is his life, and although Bobby’s like a brother to him, the World title is what he’s been working for for 15 years. Cut to Roode. He says this is a dream for both him and Storm. It’s going to be like brothers fighting out there tonight.
Back in the arena, the Robs are making their way to the ring. I want Cookie back. At least these segments would be semi-tolerable if she was still here. Robbie gets a microphone. He says he’s cutting to right to the chase. “Hamster Eric Young and Poser Ronnie” need to come to the ring and face Little Robbie & Big Robbie. Young and Ronnie make their way to the ring. Ronnie is wearing Young’s old TNA World title belt that he literally fished out of the trash, it was that important. Robbie E says he doesn’t know why Ronnie is hanging out with Grizzly Adams, and he doesn’t care, bro. He’s been waiting to come face-to-face with Ronnie for a long time, bro. He wants to tell Ronnie that “Jersey Shore” sucks, bro. Agreed. He also wants to tell Ronnie he sucks. He’s not threatened by Ronnie, bro. He’s taken out guys who are bigger, better and taller, and what’s he’s trying to tell Ronnie, dude, is that he can kick Ronnie’s ass any time he wants, bro. I guess Robbie E went to the Hulk Hogan School of Repetitive Promos. Bro. Ronnie says how about right now. Robbie E says we don’t do things like that around here, bro. Why doesn’t Ronnie go to the back, hamster, pack your bag, hamster, go to your hamster car, and get off his turf before he punks his ass like “The Situation” did, bitch. Ronnie spears Robbie E, but Rob Terry clubs him over the head. Young jumps on Terry’s back, but gets thrown down immediately. Terry hits Young with a Polish Hammer, then puts Ronnie in a front chancery as Robbie E whips his back with a belt. The Robs leave the ring as Eric gets a microphone. He says it’s apparent to everyone here that Ronnie and Eric are massive television stars. He calls himself the “High Chancellor of Television, Master of All Things Entertainment”. He has to clear this all with his close, personal family friend Sting, but next week, it’ll be the Robs vs. Young and Ronnie.
I wonder how many brain cells the world over were killed after being exposed to that last segment?
Up next, Jeff Diet Shasta Orange and Blubber Ray vs. Meth Hardy and Alien Frat Boy.
Back from the break, we get a recap of what we just saw in the last segment. Why?
MATCH 3: Bully Ray and Jeff Jarrett (w/Karen Jarrett) vs. Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson
Mike Tenay just made the following very intelligent observation: “Jarrett and Bully Ray will be taking on two individuals, and yes, they are individuals.” Just brilliant, Professor. You are so smart that I really think you need an apprentice named Luke and an assistant named Emmy. Mr. Anderson does his horrendous microphone bit and tells us that his dad totally owns a dealership. Totally. Now that his hair isn’t blonde, he kind of looks like Jonathan Banks in “Beverly Hills Cop”. Jeff Hardy comes out to a series of sound effects that is supposed to be an entrance theme. Hardy and Ray start off with a tie-up. Ray gets him into a corner and hits some punches to the gut and head. As if Jeff can feel those. Ray with a boot to the stomach and another punch. Hardy with a spinning head scissors off a corner whip, and follows it up with a legdrop between the legs and a seated dropkick for 2. Ray gets back to his feet and whips Hardy down. Jarrett tags in and his the worst-looking punches in wrestling today. Hardy comes back with a clothesline and a reverse enziguri. Another clothesline out of the corner. Hardy goes to the ropes, but Karen trips him up. Jarrett with some stomps before slamming Hardy face-first into Ray’s boot. Ray tags in and hits some crossface punches and a running splash that only gets 2 since he’s not The Ultimate Warrior. Ray goes into a neck vice and follows it up with an elbow to the head. Jarrett tags in and hits a kick. Jarrett does the butt drop thing across the ropes before breaking out the “Double J” strut. Hardy comes back with punches and reverses a sleeper into a back suplex. Ray and Anderson tag in. Anderson with punches, a clothesline, a back elbow and a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Jarrett breaks up the pin, and Hardy takes him down. Hardy and Anderson do a pair of Poetry in Motions, then go up for the Swanton and Kenton Bombs. Scott Steiner runs down and trips up Mr. Anderson, causing the DQ.
WINNERS VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson. After the match, Steiner hits the faces with a chair, and Ray clotheslines Hardy with the wallet chain. Jarrett does the Stroke while Ray simultaneously hits the Bully Bomb. Have I ever mentioned that not only are these two of the worst-named finishers in wrestling today, but also two of the worst finishers period?
After more commercials, we see Sting and Garrett Bischoff talking in a hallway. Sting runs Eric Bischoff’s proposition by Garrett. It’s now an opponent of Eric’s choice for the match, instead of Eric himself. Not sure when that changed. He asks Garrett what he thinks. Garrett agrees to it. Sting says it’s the wrong thing to do, he apologizes, and it cannot happen. Garrett begs him to make it happen. Sting agrees to it. This match will happen next week, and I for one am ecstatic.
Back in the arena, Matt Morgan makes his way down to the ring. He gets on a microphone and calls Crimson down to the ring. Lance Sackless answers the call and makes his way down. Morgan says it’s safe to say they’ve shared a common enemy in Samoa Joe. They’ve had each others’ backs during that entire time. The most frequently asked question Morgan gets is when is finally going to wrestle Crimson in a one-on-one match. Over the past two years, Morgan busted his ass to headline multiple PPVs for this company he loves, and to cement his name as the best giant in this business, and there isn’t another 7-footer in the business who can touch what he does. He gets off on competition, so he wants to give the fans what they want. Let’s give the fans this “dream match” (his words), that being “Crims” (again, his word) vs. Matt Morgan. “Crims” says his Twitter has been blown up, and his fans want to see it, too. How can his unbeaten streak be the real deal unless he takes out everyone, including Matt Morgan? It’s no mystery to him who will win the match, and he’s betting his bank account on it. He wants to raise the stakes, and wants Morgan to bring his A-game at Turning Point because no one is ending the streak, not even Morgan. Um…the stakes were raised how?
Up next, Roode vs. Storm for the World title.
We get the same Storm/Roode video package from the top of the show. I’m not recapping this.
MATCH 4-World Championship: Bobby Roode vs. Champion James Storm
Why does Roode’s shirt say “Off the chain”? Has he ever said that phrase even once? Last time I checked, that was one of Taz’s clichés. Could they have made Storm and Roode’s themes sound any more alike? Jeremy Borash plugs 5-Hour Energy before giving us the official announcements, then incorrectly calls Brian Hebner “Ryan”. Main events with corporate sponsorship = ratings. Tie-up to start, with Storm immediately going into a waistlock. Roode reverses and gets a snapmare into a rear chinlock. Storm reverses into a hammerlock, then a hip throw and a side headlock. Another hip throw/headlock combo by Storm. Another tie-up, with Storm going into a side headlock. Shoulder block off the ropes, but Roode comes back with a back elbow and bodyslam. Roode misses a jumping knee, hits a bodyslam and misses a jumping knee himself. They trade quick legsweeps and pinfall attempts, followed by a stalemate. Test of strength time, with Roode getting the better of it. He stomps Storm’s hand off and goes into an arm wringer. Storm reverses into one of his own. Roode reverses into an arm drag as we go to commercial.
Back from the break, Storm has Roode in the corner and is driving his shoulder into the midsection. Storm with a punch, but Roode throws Storm into the corner and hits some punches. Storm reverses and hits some open-hand chops. Roode reverses and hits knife edge chops. They do this sequence once more. Roode with a snapmare. He goes for the rolling neck snap, but Storm ducks and hits him with a high knee off the ropes. Storm goes for the pin and gets 2. Storm with a corner whip and a series of clotheslines against the turnbuckle. Storm with another whip, but Roode comes back with a clothesline. He goes up top, but Storm cuts him off with an uppercut. Storm goes up and hits a “super-duperplex off the tippy-top rope”, according to Taz. Ref starts the 10-count, but Storm gets to one foot to break the count. They trade a bunch of punches. Storm with a forearm and a pair of clotheslines off the ropes, followed by a back body drop. Roode kicks off a corner charge and hits a middle rope blockbuster for 2. Roode back drops Storm off a corner charge, but Storm lands on his feet and hits a kick to the back of the head. Storm goes up and hits a cross body, but Roode rolls through and gets a 2-conut. Roode looks for the Payoff, but Storm reverses into a lung blower for 2. Storm sets Roode up for the Eye of the Storm, but Roode slides out and hits the Double R spinebuster for 2. Storm comes back with a knee to the head and clotheslines Roode to the floor, going over as well. Hebner starts the count, but both get back in in time. Storm goes for the suspended DDT on the way back in, but Roode reverses into the Bowflex. Storm goes for the rope, but Roode blocks his arm and turns the move into a Rings of Saturn. Storm still manages to break the hold by getting his foot on the ropes. Roode sets Storm up on the top and looks for a middle rope superplex. Storm punches out and hits a gourdbuster from the top. He gets to his feet on the top and hits a flying elbow for 2. Storm is looking for the Last Call now. Roode catches the foot and immediately goes for the Payoff. Storm breaks out and whips Roode towards the corner, but Roode reverses. Storm puts on the breaks just as he’s about to collide with Hebner in the corner. Roode charges in as Storm not only jumps out of the way, but Hebner jumps down to the floor as well. Roode turns around into a double-knee facebuster from Storm, sending him to the floor. Hebner is selling a knee injury right now. Roode sees Storm’s beer bottle and, behind the ref’s back, smashes it over Storm’s head. Hebner’s back in, and he counts the 3.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Bobby Roode. Well, that was a good match until the B.S. ending. After the match, Roode stands on Storm with one foot as he holds the belt in the air.
End of show.
Aside from that, this wasn’t a terrible episode of TNA. The talking was kept somewhat to a minimum, and the X-Division match was good. The main was really good until the ending, which just seemed totally forced.
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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.