WWE | Pro Wrestling

Dear TNA Wrestling

Dear TNA,

TNA Slammiversary wasn’t that bad of a card, so I must give you credit for that. You had some good bouts like Lashley/Joe, Aries/King, X-Division Ladder Match, and Young/Lashley/Aries. Kevin Von Erich cleaning house got a great pop, the crowd was packed and hot for the action. Sure, the Knockouts match was a mess, Willow still exists, Mr. Anderson makes Cena look like a good babyface, and The Von Erich boys aren’t that good. Still, this is a good sign but I have to chide for you one thing you booked on the card.

At your Slammiversary event, you booked a Texas Death Match between EC3 and Bully Ray. Which is fine, the card is in Texas so it makes sense. I applaud you for showing that oh so rare logic that that pops up in your organization every now and then.

Then the match actually happened.

That wasn’t a Texas Death Match.

Do you know what a Texas Death Match is?

You should, you guys booked a fantastic one between Chris Harris and James Storm in 2007 and it was one of the best matches you guys booked that year. It was a violent, brutal, bloody and just an all-around damn war between the two. It’s one of the rare TNA matches that manage to make my coveted Hate Filled Brawl Directory. The match you put on tonight however wasn’t a Texas Death. Hell, the Falls Count Anywhere match at WrestleMania X that was actually a Texas Death Match is more of a Texas Death Match than the one you put on tonight. Hell, the billed Texas Death Match that my brother and I did when we were kids was more of a Texas Death than the match we saw. And that had me hitting my brother with a DX license plate and it ended in a draw.

I’ll give you an example of some Texas Death Matches off the top of my mind: Vader vs Cactus Jack at Halloween Havoc 1993, Terry Gordy vs Killer Khan from WCCW, Jerry Lawler and Dutch Mantel vs Bill Dundee and Buddy Landell, Bob Backlund vs Ken Patera, Bob Backlund vs Bobby Duncum, Bob Backlund vs Don Muraco, Dusty Rhodes vs Billy Graham and Hulk Hogan vs Harley Race.

What you put on was a Last Man Standing Match, just with the Texas Death Match title. Also, the match well I’ll be honest, I thought it sucked. It was the same type of hardcore match that TNA has booked relying on tired gimmicks like exposing the wooden mat (Great idea for a one time spot, but not much else), glass and our dear friend, weapon shots to the head. Not only that, but you had the overbooked run in’s from Rockstar Spud (Awesome gimmick), Dixie and hell I wasn’t surprised that D-Von didn’t turn on Bully. It was just a giant awful mess and you know what match is should have been booked to be like?

Cactus Jack vs Randy Orton at Backlash 2004

If you think about it, this match had the same set-up almost with the veteran hardcore wrestler (Foley/Bully) taking on the cocky prick upstart (Orton/Carter) and in veteran’s favorite type of match. What should follow is the upstart’s baptism in blood as he is being beaten senseless with various weapons, nearly bleeds to death but the upstart also shows a vicious side to him. In the end, the upstart wins by going to the extreme and begrudgingly gaining the respect of the fans. Heck that is what exactly happened in that, in this match we got a dud finish of EC3 hitting Bully with a cane to the head and Bully falling through two tables. It looked like Bully was comfortably asleep, like he just ate a big meal and was taking a nap. The headlock driver into the exposed wood would have been a better finish than that. I presume this feud is still continuing because the roster is thin, but does anybody really want to see a 50-year old woman that isn’t Mae Young being put through a table?

On that note, let’s talk about Bully Ray. TNA, this man is not a babyface, and he is the farthest thing from a babyface I’ve seen in a long time. I understand that Dixie screwed him over, but fans aren’t supposed to cheer for a guy who wants to put a 50 year old woman through a table. No matter how annoying she is, that is some seriously screwed up shit. Before you TNA fans point out Austin/McMahon, I might add that McMahon was shown to be a very capable fighter who even got the better of Austin at some times. Sure, it was mostly via sneak attacks, but it was Vince frigging McMahon.

This would be like if Hulk Hogan finally got pissed off at Tunney in 1992 and declared that he was going to give him a Leg Drop. Jack Tunney was 57 years old in 1992 and workers rarely put their hands on him. Nobody would want to see that. I even cringe at the amount of abuse that Sherri began to take over the years since it seemed like she could have jay walked and a face would pound her. Steal that last piece of pie and Hogan drops a safe on her. So yeah, Bully Ray is not a babyface and I’ll keep restating this or bribe the TNA Creative guy to post it on twitter until they stop doing so.

Robert Goeman has been writing for CamelClutchBlog since 2014 and has written for FiveOuncesofPain and What Culture. Follow him on twitter at https://twitter.com/RobertGoeman. After every article, Robert usually does “Talking Points” on twitter, bringin up points that didn’t make the article.

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Robert Goeman

Robert Goeman has been writing for CamelClutchBlog since 2014 and has written for FiveOuncesofPain and What Culture. Follow him on twitter at https://twitter.com/RobertGoeman.

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