Saturday, May 28, 2022
HomeWWE | Pro WrestlingDear Dixie Carter

Dear Dixie Carter

Dixie Carter TNA ImpactDear Dixie,

I think you are damn cute! But that’s not what this is about.

This is about how my hopes get shattered week after week. Even then I do watch your shows. And that’s saying a lot.

Remember 2008? That was the time I had actually started following TNA closely. Main Event Mafia and Frontline were the talking points then. It looked quite clumsy, but there was a lot of steam then and great matches. Sting vs Angle, the empty arena match is still my favorite match from TNA. 5 stars I gave it then.

[adinserter block=”2″]Then you announced Hogan. Oh that was a grand scheme, wasn’t it? Monday Night Wars all over again! The same night you shocked the world by bringing Bischoff, Flair, Nash and even Hall. They were the surprises. You even got Sting to haul his @$$ up the rafters. You had it all planned, didn’t you? Crazy Chixie!

Honestly I lapped it all up. Those days I wasn’t much on the internet. So I called up my friend and said: “Guess what…blah blah blah!” I was too excited. He wasn’t. He said: “Poor Dixie. She’s dead.”

I didn’t believe him then. Though you didn’t die, Hogan and Eric nearly choked you, didn’t they? And now you got Brooke and Garret in your hands. Meanwhile Sting grew old and now looks like a joke. That Joker angle, Dixie … let’s not talk about it.

You know what Dixie? I am still in love with you and I want to see you do well in life, even if we can’t be together. So I’m gonna whisper a few sweet nothings!

First of all, keep Stinger and Hogan only if they don’t mind being around. Otherwise let them go. The worst that could happen is Sting Vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania. But the best is it would be over with that. I know you think Stinger is a tiger by the tail. Let him go and TNA is dead! Nothing would happen, my sweetie, nothing!

As for Hogan and his brood, nobody wants them. Fire them! Hey, how about you going on Impact Wrestling and say: Hogan, yo…….rrrrrrrr fired! Of course, your voice would be squeaky, but that’s ok. I love it anyways.

Considering that these things would be done, here is the plan. Let’s work top down. I mean… you know!


Till you introduced Aries, everything was smooth. That’s one thing you were doing right. But Aries…! Ok, so he won the title and defended it successfully. After that? Did you build enough heat for Aries – Roode rematch? Nope. You introduced Aces and 8s; a bunch of ruffians who interrupt matches and beat up other wrestlers. An idea done to death, Dixie, an idea done to death!

Solution: Don’t drag the Aces & 8’s storyline and put the title on Roode somehow. That way we can have a conclusion to Storm – Roode storyline. Hold on, on second thoughts, let Storm take the title from Aries (now that he is involved) and then Roode can make his way to the ring. Savvy?


I still remember Destination X 2009. Suicide was hot then. You gave him good air time and he simply exploded. He won the title in a match that still plays out in my mind. It was so damn good a match that I didn’t care about the main-event.

Fast forward to I don’t really remember. You see Eric Bischoff kicking a semi conscious Suicide out of the ring… boy, I mean, girl, didn’t you simply lose the plot then!

Solution: Honestly, you are so talent starved right now that I don’t know what to say. Bring back Suicide. Bring back Curry Man. Send Aries back to the fold and get AJ styles to spend some time in X division till it gets elevated to where it was. No, Styles back in X Division is not demotion, rather promotion for the Division. Aries can go back to his heel persona and challenge the veteran, AJ Styles. I’m sure you can work some story around it. I mean, it can’t be worse than the current one Styles is involved in.


I know Roode and Storm had to move up. But then you had the perfect champions; the Motor City Machine Guns. I remember the excitement when they won the title for the first time. You could have built the whole division on it. Even if Sabin was out, you could have done a lot with it. Remember the Young Bucks or Generation Me? I thought they were the next Hardy Boys. They were damn good Dixie! But you let them go. Were they too small?

Solution: Simple. Hire back the Young Bucks. Bring back the British Invasion. Build the division around them. Even the X Division guys can participate. You can even have a ‘Hell Freezes Over’ angle involving Roode and Storm for a one off PPV. It would work, Dixie, my turtle dove, my love, it would work.


Burn it! Destroy it! Melt it! Ask no more.


Let’s focus on male division. Then we’ll weave in the Knockouts.

Lastly, do you know how great a draw Jeffrey Friggin’ Nero Hardy is? Girl, what a chance you had when you got Hardy straight from the WWE main event scene! The reaction he used to get in WWE was bigger than what Cena used to get so much so that he was main eventing PPVs that even involved Cena.

But – whose idea was it? Turn Hardy heel? Eric’s? Russo’s? Hogan’s?

I don’t care if he’s trouble. He is the one man who can put you back on track. Take him off air for the time being. Bring him back after a few months as a face. Remember, Face!

[adinserter block=”1″]Oh and one more thing. Do something useful with Mr. Anderson. Anderson. Such a talent! The man did one of the most memorable gimmicks in the history of the sport by dressing up as surfer Sting. A gimmick that would have taken him to heights had he been a face. But… well!

Sorry, just remembered! It was sometime in 2010. It was a match involving the Band, Hardy and RVD. It was the main event. It ended with a 16 foot elbow drop by a man who was truly coming into his own; Eric Young. A 16 foot elbow drop, Dixie, 16 foot! And how did you reward him? Off the rocker gimmick, huh? Bad girl!

I’ll say no more. I am sure you’d do the right thing. I know you enough to know that you would, won’t you my little girl? Cho Chweet. Muah! Muah! Muah!

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