I feel a great disturbance in the Force. No, it’s not about anything TNA’s done lately, although I could write a novel about how terrible a company they are. No, this disturbance is a minor one that could turn into a major one if it comes to fruition. It’s a disturbance in the Internet, and it could reach critical mass sooner rather than later. Why?
Because the WWE is in talks with Canadian pre-teen pop singer Justin Bieber to sing “America the Beautiful” at WrestleMania XXVII in Atlanta next year. I’ll let that sink in for a second.…
[adinserter block=”2″]We good? Of course not, but hey, at least I gave all of you who haven’t heard the news yet to let all the aneurysms in your brains explode before continuing on. Yep, it might happen, and if it does, there’s probably nothing you can do about it. The total antithesis of what the WWE crowds used to be about could be appearing at its landmark event. I understand the rage, because I too don’t like the kid or the songs he sings. I had the misfortune of hearing one of his songs while I was shopping at Best Buy once, and I thought it was some chick singing. It wasn’t. Dear Lord. If Bieber gets the gig, he’ll make Kid Rock look like Elvis Presley.
Remember when the WWE used to get talented people to sing the iconic song about the US? Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles and Little Richard are all WrestleMania alumni. Some of the most iconic singers in history sang this song before the event began. Now, we get Nicole Scherzinger and Fantasia. What, the Russian lesbians who used to do Victoria’s theme song were busy?
However, the thing with the potential signing of the Twitter-aided pipsqueak phenomenon isn’t Vince McMahon trying to stick it to us longtime fans, you know, the ones who’ve watched our whole lives and would like to think of wrestling needing its estrogen only in the form of attractive valets and female wrestlers. He’s trying to get new eyes on the product, more buys for WrestleMania. If you haven’t noticed, business has been pretty bad lately. McMahon needs all the help he can get, and if that means signing on some kid who won’t be popular after his voice changes to get a few more kids to watch the program, he’s going to do it.
After all, he is trying to market the product more to kids nowadays. I mean, how else would he help his wife snowjob all the voters in Connecticut into believing that he’s not a peddler of death and despair? Okay, that’s a little harsh, but even if you discount the impact that Linda McMahon’s Senate campaign has had on the product, it is smart to go after the kids while they’re young, try to hook them, and hey, even if only a fraction of them stick around for the rest of their lives, it’s better than just seeing the fans you have right now die off without anyone to replace them.
[adinserter block=”1″]It’s a physically reprehensible idea to us, the fans of wrestling who don’t want that world to mix with the world Internet-sensation, sterilized pop singing, but in the eyes of the WWE, it’s a mix worth trying if it means more dollar signs. Besides, he’s only going to be around to sing “America the Beautiful” if he gets the gig. I know, a Canadian singing that song is kind of laughable, but bear with me here. It’s not like he’s going to wrestle anyone, do an angle with anyone or serenade Jillian Hall with one of his songs… okay, I’m going to stop, because if any of that actually happens, you’re all going to blame me, and I quite like not being beaten by an angry horde.
The truth is, he’ll only be on your WrestleMania telecast for 90 seconds, tops. There’s no need to flip out. Yes, he’s a twerp who sings songs that most people who read this blog find annoying at best and an abomination before the Lord Jesus Christ, Allah, Buddha and any other deity you can name in 30 seconds at worst, but that doesn’t mean you have to let him ruin an entire three-plus hour telecast of what could be a great wrestling show for that one minute of singing time.
Tom Holzerman is a lifelong wrestling fan and connoisseur of all things Chikara Pro, among other feds. When he’s not writing for the Camel Clutch Blog, you can find him on his own blog, The Wrestling Blog.
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