Artie Lange is a Coward


Artie Lange Howard Stern Show sidekick Artie Lange made a spectacle of himself on The Joe Buck Show. The “comedian” went on a tirade in his attempt to be comedy’s new bad boy. It may have been funny if it wasn’t so predictable and I haven’t heard the same jokes for eight years.

Here is the deal if you missed it. Lange was part of a discussion panel with Paul Rudd, and Jason Sudeikis. If you watched the show, you may not have been aware of this since Lange hijacked the segment. Lange ate Joe Buck alive who had no experience with a situation like this.

Lange crowbarred his predictable shtick of material whether it was relevant or not. For example, out of nowhere Lange makes a joke about Joe Buck “jizzing” on his chest. Another bomb saw Lange tell Michael Irvin he owed his bookie money. Theoretically none of these jokes made any sense whatsoever. It was about as logical as the ex-Miss California’s speech on gay marriage.

[adinserter block=”1″]On top of that, Lange’s only fans have heard these lines repeated over and over again. Several people I know have seen Lange live. All of them said they’d never see him again because it is all of the same material he says on Stern. As a daily Stern Show listener, I can tell you that the guy rarely has anything original to say on the show.

The segment was a train wreck. It wasn’t funny and it was incredibly uncomfortable to watch. Every time someone tried to speak, Lange would crowbar another one of his unfunny lines. It was beyond bad television. I can’t stand Joe Buck but even I was empathizing with the guy by the end.

I will tell you what really got me. Lange’s comments the next day on the Stern Show. First, Artie told the crew he “killed.” Yeah, he killed a show and whatever little career he has. I have watched the segment more than once, and Lange’s claim that he killed is quite an exaggeration. The audience laughed but it wasn’t the kind of laugh that Chris Rock gets. It was a very uncomfortable laugh and no, the entire audience wasn’t laughing.

Second, Artie responded to comments Joe Buck made yesterday. Buck told USA Today that he couldn’t wait for the Lange segment to end. “I thought that spending time on a treadmill felt long. That was like 8 or 9 minutes that turned into an eternity. You know, it’s cable, you can get away with it. It’s not my style. But, you do one show and you learn and you move on.”

[adinserter block=”2″]Artie was insulted and said the show gave him no “guidelines.” Guidelines for a guy that has done a hundred talk shows? Give me a break. Lange then stuck his fat belly out and said, “I listen to one guy Howard Stern and that’s it.” Oh, all of the sudden Artie is the big rebel of comedy now? Lange later claimed “I got two million calls from comedians that said it was the greatest thing of all-time.”

Artie Lange is a big fat coward. If Lange had any courage, he would have pulled this same act with David Letterman or Conan O’Brien. There is no courage whatsoever in going on a lower-tiered show and bullying a guy hosting his first show. The difference between Artie and a guy like Andy Kauffman is that Kauffman would pull this on anyone including walking off of several network television shows. Lange is a bully.

Lange’s “two-million calls” also likely came from comedians who would never in their right mind pull something like this. It reminds me of kids when one does something rebellious and the other says “that was awesome” yet would never do the same thing. Artie cites Jimmy Kimmel saying the appearance was “epic.” It was epic alright, epic stupidity.

Artie’s delusions continued following the appearance. After listening to the appearance, Howard Stern himself said Artie was wrong. Stern said that where Artie went wrong was that he was part of a panel. Somehow or another Artie misconstrued that to think that he was funny. Lange claimed later on Chris Russo’s Sirius show that Stern “loved it.” I think even Howard got a little tired of this as he said today, “Well I thought it was entertaining.” That isn’t the kind of ringing endorsement Lange has been bragging about.

Lange compared himself this morning to Lenny Bruce. Oh please! Artie, you are no Lenny Bruce. Rule one – If you have to run around and tell everyone you are a rebel, you are no rebel. Artie is proud to say he was #1 on Google Trends following the show. Hey, I could walk into a school with a gun and earn the same accomplishment. If that is the barometer of his success, he has bigger problems than his weight.

Lange is living another world. Everyone in the media has ripped his appearance to shreds. People aren’t even ripping the fact he commandeered the show. The fact is nobody thinks he is funny! I have no problem with the language or material, but he wasn’t funny! Watch the segment back. It was just a guy shouting bad jokes which were irrelevant to the conversation. Again, it is the Miss California argument. It isn’t what he said it is how he said it.

Get over yourself baby gorilla. You are neither fun or funny!

Check out Artie Lange’s Too Fat to Fish on paperback autobiography by clicking here.

Order Artie Lange’s – It’s the Whiskey Talking on DVD by clicking here.


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