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After Kofi: Four More Random WWE Opponents for Brock Lesnar

First of all, something of a confession: I’ve been a bit out of the pro wrestling loop as of late, so the whole concept of the recent WWE Beast in the East special came as a bit of a surprise, especially when I learned that the Beast in question would be squaring off not against an A-Level player like Cena, Rollins or even Reigns, but against perennial midcarder, Kofi Kingston.

At first it seemed like as baffling a decision as any WWE had made lately; promote Lesnar as the star of the event and then book him in a match which couldn’t have had any more of a forgone conclusion had the former WWE Champion been scheduled to face Michael Cole.

Of course, it wasn’t long before a lightbulb flicked on in your writer’s not-always-on-the-ball mind: This wasn’t about Lesnar versus anybody, this wasn’t about the promise of a marquee match where anything could happen; this was about the pure spectacle of seeing the company’s special attraction doing what he does best; kicking ass, destroying everything in his path and generally f’ing stuff up.

Kofi wasn’t there to give Lesnar a competitive match, he was there to bounce about and get his head kicked in like nothing more than a prop made of flesh and bone and created for the sole purpose of letting Brock showcase what a bad ass he is.

That spot could have just as easily been filled by anybody with some basic pro wrestling training and a pair of tights to hand. So why isn’t it? After Kofi Kingston, here’s five more random opponents for Brock Lesnar that could make a fun match:

Dolph Ziggler
The whole reason this article came to life in the first place, is there anybody better for playing Lesnar’s whipping boy than celebrated bump-machine, Dolph Ziggler? Indeed, though many of us would like to see Lana’s current boyfriend rocking around at the top of the card, it’s a fact worth noting that Ziggler actually works best when he’s on the end of a beating, selling for all he’s worth and somehow looking incredible in the process. If Lesnar vs. Kofi was fun, imagine how much more fun it could be if you substituted the New Day man for the erstwhile Spirit Squad member?

Dean Ambrose
Here’s a match you have to envision being a whole lot of fun, especially if Ambrose is at his wild-eyed and crazy best. This one would be most effective if the former US champion played a role not too dissimilar to the one employed by his buddy Roman Reigns at WrestleMania; another Lesnar victim who laughs like a mad man despite getting splattered around the ring by the Beast Incarnate.

Luke Harper
Here we take the ‘insane man going up against Lesnar’ from a different angle. Sure, Harper may not be able to flop around the ring like Ziggler or Kofi, but if you take the rules away and just let Lesnar demolish him in a no-holds barred eff-him-up big time brawl, Luke vs. Brock could be as wild, as brutal and as enjoyable as anything we’ll see on WWE this year.

Finally, let’s go back to the kind of wrestler Lesnar could quite easily toss around the ring like the proverbial rag doll. Admittedly, as part of my whole ‘being out of the loop’ thing, I haven’t actually seen much of Neville since he joined the ranks of the main roster, though from what I have seen, I’m well aware of what I’m missing out on. I’m also well aware that he could probably give us one hell of an entertaining outing on his inevitable one-way ride to Suplex City.

Just a few thoughts to go on there, but I’d love to hear your opinions. Drop by the comments below if you agree, disagree or can think of any other random opponents for the Beast.

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Chris Skoyles

Chris Skoyles is a writer and wrestling fan from Wigan, England. Currently on a mission to watch and review every WWE ppv from Wrestlemania 1-30, you can read those reviews on the Retro Pro Wrestling blog, tweet him @Retropwrestling, or visit his personal site at www.chrisskoyles.com

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