This week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown! main-event will be Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler. I am officially excited. Every time these two have a match, they just tear into each other for 15+ minutes and I love it.
[adinserter name=”366 left”]Unfortunately, John Cena decides to temporarily hinder my excitement by opening the show. Oh, well you can’t win them all. Cena says he’s excited for the main event tonight between Sheamus and Ziggler. Well, at least we can agree on something. Cena is focused on Ziggler because Ziggler is focused on him. Cena is pointing his finger at Ziggler tonight. Ziggler’s greatest accomplishment was being World Champion…for two minutes. Actually, it was about 15, but whatever. Cena also makes a joke about Ziggler being a man trapped in a 15 year-old girl’s body. Who is writing Cena’s material tonight? When I was 15, I don’t remember any girls in school that were 220 pounds of solid muscle. Cena talks about Ziggler losing the MITB case, and when he does, he’ll lose his identity. Ziggler hides behind Vickie Guerrero’s power, yet says he can run with the biggest stars in WWE. On Monday, that was put to the test when Ziggler faced Cena. Ziggler lost. The reason Cena is here tonight, Ziggler doesn’t have a match; he has a fight when he takes on Sheamus.
Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez decide they’ve heard enough and interrupt the party. ADR tells Cena he shouldn’t be worried about Ziggler; he should be worried about ADR. This is his house. This is his show. Cena makes a kiss-ass remark about the show belonging to the WWE Universe. ADR calls Cena a stupid gringo. He reminds Cena he won MITB, the Royal Rumble, as well as 2 WWE titles. Most important, did Cena forget that last time they wrestled, ADR destroyed him? So, why doesn’t Cena leave his show and his ring right now? Cena says he didn’t forget any of those things. He can’t go though, because he has a match tonight, with ADR right now. Cena decks ADR, and it looks like this match will happen right after the commercials.
MATCH 1: John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)
ADR starts with a side headlock. Crisscross ends in a Cena hip toss, and ADR rolls to the floor. ADR hotshots Cena as Cena comes after him, and ADR boots him to the floor. Outside, ADR nails a kick to the chest. ADR slams Cena face-first into the announce desk. Back in, ADR hits a top rope double axe handle for 2. ADR hits some corner kicks, and Cena comes back with rights. It’s all for naught as ADR nails a hard corner whip. ADR hits a low running boot, followed by a second one. Suplex gets 2. We see Ziggler watching the match from the back. ADR has an armbar applied on Cena now, combined with a rear chinlock. Cena tries to break out, but ADR beats him back down. ADR goes for another suplex, but Cena counters into one of his own. Cena charges at ADR in the corner, but misses, colliding with the post. ADR lands a running kick to the ribs, then ties the injured arm up in the rope. ADR goes up top once more, hitting another double axe handle for 2. Quick kick to the bad arm, and now ADR is applying a modified ¾-nelson. Commercials.
We’re back, and ADR misses a second rope senton bomb. Cena fires up the Five Moves of Doom. He hits four, but ADR counters the AA with a backcracker for 2. ADR goes for the rolling jujigatame, but Cena counters into a swinging neckbreaker. Cena heads up top now, but ADR cuts him off with a step-up enziguri for 2. ADR goes for a second one, but Cena ducks and goes for the STF once ADR lands on the mat. ADR kicks him off and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. ADR goes up once more, but Cena cuts him off with a dropkick. Cena gets up first and goes for the AA, but ADR counters with the jujigatame. Cena counters this into the STF. ADR almost taps, but manages to get to the ropes. He rolls to the apron as Cena approaches, and ADR applies the jujigatame over the top rope. ADR breaks it at 4 and slingshots back in the ring but gets caught in the AA once more. And once more, ADR counters, this time into a German suplex for 2. ADR props Cena up on top, drops him in the Tree of Woe and applies a foot choke. ADR charges in shoulder-first, but Cena pulls himself to the top rope, missing the collision. Cena gets to the top rope, hitting the Rocker Dropper for 3.
WINNER: John Cena. Decent match, I will admit. And I don’t recall ever seeing Cena win with that move, so that certainly didn’t hurt. And he actually hit it mostly correct this time. As Cena celebrates on-stage, Ziggler comes out and nails him from behind with the MITB briefcase.
We see Kane in the back with Daniel Bryan and Kofi Kingston. Kofi says they know the other two won’t magically get along, but tonight, they’ve got a match with Wade Barrett and PTP. They need to get on the same page. Bryan says that’s fine. His partner is one of the most destructive forces in WWE history. Kane calls Bryan one of the most dangerous submission specialists in history. In other words, the world hasn’t even begun to see how dangerous and lethal Team Hell No! can be, starting tonight. Can they get along? The answer is Yes! Bryan begins the “Yes!” chant, which Kane and the crowd both join in on.
Cena is complaining to GM Booker T about what just happened with Ziggler. As soon as Ziggler goes out for his match, Cena’s going to nail him. Book tells him the show can’t break down, and Cena can’t interfere in the main event. Once the match is over, Cena is welcome to do whatever he wants. Cena reluctantly agrees.
MATCH 2: David Otunga vs. The Great Khali (w/Hornswoggle)
I feel like this match has happens way too often. Otunga starts with kicks and punches, but Khali quickly strikes him down and to the floor. Otunga chases Hornswoggle around the ring, and Khali drops him once more. Back in, Khali nails a brain chop and gets the 3.
WINNER: The Great Khali. Total waste of time and energy.
MATCH 3: Wade Barrett and The Prime-Time Players (Titus O’Neil and Darren Young) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No! (Daniel Bryan and Kane) and Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston
Wonder if the team will change their name to Hell Yes! in the future? Kane and Young start the match, and Kane immediately starts in with punches. Bryan tags in, and Kane whips him into Young with a corner dropkick. Bryan nails Young with some kicks in the corner, hits a snapmare and tags in Kane who hits a low dropkick for 2. Kane begins working on Young’s left arm before telegraphing a back body drop. Young forearms Kane before tagging in Titus, who runs right into a big boot. Kane clotheslines him to the floor, where Bryan lands a running knee from the apron. Commercials.
We’re back, and the legal men are now Young and Kofi. Young goes for a hip toss, but Kofi cartwheels off of it and lands a dropkick for 2. Kane back in, and he stomps Young before tagging in Bryan. They hit a double hip toss for 2. Bryan with some European uppercuts, and follows up with kicks. Titus makes a blind tag, and Young whips Bryan right into him, who hits a big boot from the apron. Titus stomps Bryan before hitting a bodyslam. Young back in, and they hit a double shoulderblock. Backbreaker by Young gets 2. Young locks in a modified surfboard, then turns it into a waistlock. Titus tags in, hits a shot and then tags in Barrett. Barrett hits a pumphandle slam for 2. Barrett applies a camel clutch, but Bryan won’t be humbled tonight. He breaks out, but runs right into The Winds of Change for 2. Love that move, and its name. Titus tags in and chokes Bryan with his knee. Titus picks Bryan up in an abdominal stretch before dropping him back down. Young tags in, and Titus drops Young into a standing gourdbuster on Bryan for 2. Young applies a rear chinlock, but Bryan elbows out before laying in some heavy forearms. Young comes back with a northern lights suplex for 2. Titus back in and hits two backbreakers before flinging Bryan. Titus gets into a 3-point stance, but runs right into a pair of boots by Bryan. Young and Kane make the simultaneous tags, and Kane hits two clotheslines, two corner clotheslines and knocks Barrett off the apron for good measure. Kane ducks a clothesline and hits a sidewalk slam for 2. Up top, and the flying clothesline connects. Titus breaks the pin up at 2, and Kofi nails him with a jumping clothesline before blasting Barrett with Trouble in Paradise on the apron. Young clotheslines Kofi to the floor, landing on the apron. Kane grabs him, but Young hotshots him. Young dives off the top rope and gets caught in a chokeslam. Bryan tags in and murders Young’s whole family with a diving headbutt before applying the No! Lock and getting the submission win.
WINNERS: Kofi Kingston and Team Hell No! Nice 6-man here. Everyone did a good job, and it was a fun match to watch. I can’t wait to see Kingston/Barrett at TLC. Last time these two wrestled for the IC title last year, it was an awesome match. I have no doubt they can do it again.
Matt Striker is in the back (looking like a pedophile from the 70s with that mustache. Joey Ryan can pull it off; Striker cannot) with Sheamus. He asks Sheamus about the Chairs Match at TLC and tonight’s match with Ziggler. The good news is, Cena won’t interfere in the match tonight. The bad news is, Ziggler is facing him. The last couple weeks of The Big Show doing everything he can to save his title, every opponent looks like Show to him, which means Ziggler is going to get hurt really badly tonight. He’ll be begging for Cena to put him out of his misery. Ziggler considers himself a show-off. Tonight, he can show off his head when Sheamus kicks it clean off his shoulders.
Damien Sandow makes his way out. Allow him to beg your indulgence for a moment. His name is Damien Sandow, and for the last several months, he has attempted to enlighten all of us, an attempt which has proven to be futile. As our intellectual savior, he pledges he cannot, nay, WILL not, abandon all of us. However, he will not be focusing on the masses. He has decided, in his infinite wisdom, he will be redirecting his efforts and sharing with everyone on an individual basis. Therefore, he will be selecting one member from the audience to be his apprentice. Now, who among the crowd will be deemed worthy to accept the position? He says “no” to several people before pointing at a guy in a GTS shirt. Security lets the guy in as Sandow heads to the ring. Now, as Sandow has stated, his efforts will be focused on an individual basis, but we can all learn something, so he suggests we all pay close attention. The fan is yelling “wooo!” in the ring, and Sandow simply tells him, “Stop that”, which I find hilarious for whatever reason. What can I say? The man’s gimmick is genius. This fan has the privilege of having the opportunity to become his apprentice. He will ask the man a series of three questions, which he must answer correctly. Question #1: How many wheels on a tricycle? The fan correctly answers 3. Sandow tells him very good before saying he’s standing with bad form. Question #2: How often does the United States hold Presidential elections? The fan answers every four years, so Sandow tells him he’s smarter than he looks. Question #3: What is the orbital velocity of Jupiter’s moon, Europa? The fan has no idea. You ignoramus! The answer is 13.74 km/second. Congratulations, you have embarrassed yourself, you have embarrassed your family, and you have embarrassed the entire state of Louisiana. Your public display of ignorance is surpassed only by that ridiculous haircut. Leave his ring, you are dismissed. The fan leaves the ring, and Sandow tells the crowd, “You’re welcome!”
I don’t know about you, but I loved that segment. Sandow is too good in this role. He will be in action after the commercials.
JBL and Josh Mathews hype the upcoming annual “Tribute to the Troops” show.
MATCH 4: Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd
Kidd ducks a clothesline and nails some kicks, sending Sandow to the floor. Kidd goes for a plancha, but lands on the apron when Sandow moves. Sandow grabs him by the feet and whips him to the floor. Sandow rams him into the apron before getting him back in the ring for stomps. Sandow hits the side-Russian legsweep and rolls to his feet, landing the Cubito Aequet for 2. Sandow applies a rear chinlock with an armbar, and Kidd fights out. He ducks a clothesline and hits a cross-body. Kidd nails some kicks, sending Sandow to the corner. Sandow tries to get his boot up on the charge, but Kidd swats the foot away and nails a Ghetto Blaster. Kidd hits a mule kick and a low dropkick for 2. Sandow rolls to the floor, where Kidd hits a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Kidd goes for the springboard elbow, but Sandow gets his knees up, blocking the move. Sandow hits the Terminus, and gets the 3.
WINNER: Damien Sandow. Glad his move finally has a name.
Matt Striker is now doing an interview with Dolph Ziggler. He asks if Ziggler has something to prove after his loss on RAW. Ziggler says that was a handicap match. AJ got involved in his business. BTW, the “Golden Boy” didn’t mind taking advantage of the situation, yet he’s the bad guy in this. He’s expecting another handicap match tonight, since Cena and Booker T are such good buds. Cena had an affair with AJ for over a month, and is the biggest liar in the history of WWE. Liars get what’s coming to them: a briefcase shot to the back of the skull. He’s the show-off, the show stealer, the sole survivor. He’s so sick of being so sick, and is the best thing in sports entertainment today. If Sheamus thinks he’s looking at the Big Show when he sees him tonight, he better think again, as he’s looking at the next World Heavyweight Champion. Show. Off.
MATCH 5: The Usos (Jey and Jimmy) vs. Jinder Mahal and Heath Slater (w/Drew McIntyre)
At least these guys have something better than Slater’s old, horrible entrance music. Their new theme isn’t too bad either, all things considering. Slater and an Uso start off. Uso shoulders Slater right into his corner before tagging in other Uso, who shoulders Slater from the apron. Other Uso hits a headbutt from the middle rope for 2, and I find out this is Jimmy. Slater avoids a corner splash, but can’t avoid an uppercut. Jimmy mounts the middle rope, but Slater whips him down. He stomps Jimmy before tagging in Mahal, who hits a butterfly suplex for 1. Rear chinlock is applied and Jimmy fights out before hitting a running chop to the chest. Jey tags in, hits Mahal with a running forearm and a mule kick, an uppercut and a Samoan drop. Running hip bump in the corner gets 2. Slater breaks things up, and Jimmy knocks him to the floor. Slater hits a kick to Jey’s head as the ref is trying to get Jimmy out of the ring, which allows Mahal to hit a full-nelson slam for 3.
WINNERS: Jinder Mahal and Heath Slater.
MATCH 6: Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus
Sheamus back Ziggler to the corner, and Ziggler slides to the floor. Back in, Sheamus breaks a waistlock and hits a hip throw. Shoulder off the ropes by Sheamus, and Ziggler ends the crisscross with a clothesline. Sheamus comes back with punches and a running back elbow. A punch drops Ziggler to his knee and hits a bodyslam before doing his own version of the Show-Off Elbow for 2. Ziggler ducks a clothesline and pushes Sheamus to the floor. He goes for a cross-body off the apron, but Sheamus catches him and hits a fall-away slam into the barricade. Back in the ring, Ziggler slides to the apron and back to the floor. Sheamus follows him out and throws him back in. Sheamus goes for the forearms in the ropes from the outside, but Ziggler counters with a hotshot before knocking Sheamus to the floor with a running dropkick. Commercials.
[adinserter name=”366 right”]We’re back, and Ziggler is still in control, hitting a jumping avalanche for 2. Show-Off Elbow gets 2. He applies a rear chinlock, but Sheamus counters with a back suplex. Sheamus fires off some rights and hits a pair of Irish Hammers. He goes for a 3rd, but Ziggler trips him into the ropes. Ziggler boots Sheamus from the apron and climbs back in for 1 as Sheamus gets a rope break. Ziggler with stomps in the corner before hitting some headbutts. Ziggler charges in, but Sheamus back drops him over the ropes. Ziggler lands on his feet on the apron, but he gets set up for the forearms to the chest. Sheamus nails 10 of them before suplexing Ziggler back into the ring. He goes up top for the Battering Ram, but Ziggler sees it coming and charges into the turnbuckles. Sheamus jumps off and rolls through and goes for the Brogue Kick, but Ziggler ducks and hits the leaping DDT for 2. Ziggler calls for the Rocker Dropper, but Sheamus sidesteps him before catching Ziggler off the ropes with the Irish Curse for 2. JBL just made a joke about “Jennifer Hudson’s husband got beat today.” Josh Mathews said he meant David Otunga, and JBL responded with, “That’s what I said.” I don’t know why, but I just laughed my ass off at that. Anyway, Ziggler boots Sheamus out of the corner, but runs right into the tilt-a-whirl powerslam. He escapes before it hits, though, shoves Sheamus into the corner and rolls him up for 2. Sheamus looks for White Noise, but Ziggler counters into a sunset flip, which Sheamus tries to counter with the Texas clover-leaf. He eventually locks it in, sitting nice and tight on it. Big Show makes his way out, and Sheamus cuts him off on the apron before Show headbutts him, causing the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Sheamus. Damn. That was a good match until the end, too. Show continues to assault Sheamus, and Ziggler joins in the attack as well. Cena hits the ring and attacks Show as Sheamus fights back on Ziggler. He hits Ziggler with the Attitude Adjustment before turning around into a goozle by Show. Show goozles Sheamus as well, but they break it and hit a double suplex before knocking him to the floor.
End of show.
Pretty fun episode of SmackDown! tonight. Really have nothing to complain about, save for the Khali/Otunga match. Fortunately, JBL’s jokes about Otunga made it tolerable.
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