This week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown opens up with another waste of time…I mean episode of MizTV. His guests are The Big Show and Randy Orton. Orton makes his way out first, followed by Show. Miz reminds them they’re competing in an Extreme Rules Match and says that, because of their issues at WrestleMania, this will be one of the most anticipated matches at ER. I beg to differ. Ambrose/Kofi and Shield/Hell No! will both be much, much better. Miz asks Show about being laid out by the RKO last week, asking if it’s a preview of ER. Show expected a weasel like Miz to make a statement like that. Orton hit the RKO from behind, like the snake in the grass he is. Orton attacked him at WM and last week. At ER, there are no rules. Show can use anything he wants to rip Orton apart. But he doesn’t need weapons like Orton does. In St. Louis, Orton’s hometown, the last thing anyone will remember will be a TKO instead of an RKO. Orton calls Show’s story interesting and entertaining, but the ending is inaccurate. ER does take place in Orton’s hometown, and he’s not letting Show beat him in front of his city. The reason why they’re at each other’s throats is because Orton made the mistake in trusting Show. The only thing anyone is going to remember at ER is how “The Viper” struck down “The Giant”, and if Show’s not careful, he may just not get back up.
Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter come out. Zeb says ER will be memorable, but only because Swagger will make Alberto Del Rio say “I quit”. Jack Swagger’s America will become a reality, and he will be the new #1 contender for the World title. Now, it’s ADR’s turn to come out, along with Ricardo Rodriguez. He tells Zeb to shut up. Everyone is tired of hearing Zeb talk, so ADR is making it clear that everyone will remember that he will be the new #1 contender when he makes Swagger quit. As for Zeb, ADR is going to send him back wherever he came from so he never sneaks into ADR’s business again.
[adinserter name=”366 left”]Now Mark Henry comes out. I smell a 6-man main event. Henry’s heard all of this talking, and what’s going to be remembered is Henry setting world records by pulling semis. They’re going to remember him beating Sheamus like no one else ever has as well. What people will remember is that he’s the strongest man in the world because that’s what he does. Enter Sheamus. He says the Strap Match will be the most memorable when he leaves Henry’s giant carcass battered and bruised. But why wait until Sunday when they can preview the match right now? Sheamus reveals he’s carrying a strap, and he clears the ring of the heels, last whipping Henry.
After the commercials, lo and behold, Teddy Long comes out. He announces that he’s ready for Extreme Rules, and he’s making a 6-man main event. I, for one, am shocked.
MATCH 1: Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins (w/Dean Ambrose) vs. The Usos (Jey and Jimmy)
Rollins and Jimmy start the match with Jimmy on the attack. Jey tags in and throws Rollins into a boot from his brother. Jey hits a forearm off the ropes, but Rollins applies a side headlock. Reigns makes a blind tag, blocks a hip toss and hits a clothesline. Reigns stops Jey in the corner, then whips him. Jey blocks a charge and hits a running hip bump. Jimmy intercepts Rollins, and they brawl on the floor. Jey mule kicks Reigns, but he ducks a jumping side kick and hits a spear for the 3.
WINNERS: Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins. After the match, The Shield gang-attacks Jey until Kofi Kingston hits the ring. They beat him down and throw him to the outside. Kofi comes back in and clears the ring with a chair.
We see Teddy Long with The Miz in the back, and he tells Miz he’s been missed. Damien Sandow enters the office and says they’d all be better off if Miz had never returned, so people could bask in the glory of a host instead of an ignoramus like Miz. Sandow offers his own talk show segment. Long says he’ll consider it, but right now, he needs to show Long what he can do in the ring tonight against The Miz. You’re welcome.
MATCH 2: Tons of Funk (Brodus Clay and Sweet T, w/The Funkadactyls) vs. The Prime-Time Players (Titus O’Neil and Darren Young)
Clay and Young start the match with Clay on offense. He assaults Young in the corner with right hands and forearms. T tags in, and he hits a combination sidewalk slam/inverted bulldog with Clay. Young rolls to the floor, and T follows, throwing him back in the ring. Titus comes off the apron with a clothesline on T, which allows Young to throw him back in the ring and begin an assault. Titus tags in, hurls Young into T, then nails a clothesline. Titus hits some shoulder thrusts in the corner, then taunts the crowd as he walks to the opposite one. He misses a 3-point stance, and T tags in Clay. Young tags in and runs into a pair of clotheslines, followed by an exploder suplex. Young lands near the corner, where he receives an avalanche. Clay hits a running powerslam for 2 as Titus breaks up the pin. T boots him, and the faces sandwich Young before hitting a double Ah, Funk It! for 3.
WINNERS: Tons of Funk.
MATCH 3: Chris Jericho vs. Antonio Cesaro
Lock-up, and Cesaro backs Jericho into the corner. Jericho shoves him off and applies a side headlock. Cesaro throws him into the ropes and hits a shoulderblock. Another lock-up, and Jericho turns it into a hammerlock before hitting some chops and a dropkick. We get a cut-away video of Fandango and Summer Rae, and she’s pretending she hurt her ankle again. The both of them laugh. Okay, then. A match is still going on, so let’s get back to it. Cesaro rolls to the floor off an Irish whip, avoiding a clothesline in the process. Cesaro fights Jericho through the ropes before hitting a European uppercut. Cesaro hits some knife-edge chops in the corner and sends Jericho into the opposite. Jericho blocks a charge and hits a middle rope missile dropkick before hitting a seated one to the back and a seated one to the side of the head. Cesaro rolls to the apron and tries to suplex Jericho to the floor. He nails a forearm to the face, but Jericho kicks him as he gets back in, then knocks him to the floor with an inside-out dropkick. Commercials.
Back from the break, Cesaro has Jericho in a rear chinlock. Jericho elbows out, ducks a clothesline and locks in a backslide for 2. Cesaro pops up with a clothesline for 2 of his own before applying another rear chinlock. Jericho gets back to his feet, but Cesaro keeps the hold locked in. Jericho eventually breaks out and shoulders Cesaro down twice before getting sent to the apron. Jericho lands on his feet, goes up top and hits a double axe handle. Cesaro ducks a clothesline and goes back to the chinlock. Jericho counters into a Walls, but Cesaro boots him off. Jericho boots him in the face and goes for the Lionsault, but Cesaro blocks it with his knees and hits a double stomp for 2. Cesaro pounds Jericho in the face with forearm shots, then pulls him up by his ears for a slap to the face. Jericho escapes a corner whip and hits a step-up enziguri for 2. Briefly Jericho’s finisher, BTW. Jericho punts Cesaro in the ribs before running into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Cesaro goes back to the rear chinlock, then releases it before calling for the Neutralizer. Jericho counters into the Walls, but Cesaro twists out. Jericho boots him in the corner, then goes up top, and jumps off right into a Very European Uppercut for 2. Cesaro slaps him in the back of the head a few times before going for the deadlift gutwrench suplex. Jericho grabs his leg on the way down and counters into the Walls of Jericho for the submission.
WINNER: Chris Jericho. Great match with a great finish. Poor Antonio Cesaro, though. He deserves so much better. Anyway, as Jericho is celebrating, Fandango’s music hits, and Summer Rae dances her way onto the stage. Fandango tries to attack from behind, but Jericho sees him coming and tackles him, hitting a few punches before Fandango bails. Cesaro gets back up and tries to go after Jericho, running right into a Codebreaker in the process.
MATCH 4: Damien Sandow vs. The Miz
Cody Rhodes is on color commentary, as he’s facing Miz in the dark match at ER. Lock-up to start, and Miz applies a side headlock. Sandow counters out, and Miz applies it once again, right into a hip throw. Sandow gets back up and backs Miz into a corner for some shoulder thrusts before he stomps Miz down. Miz escapes a corner whip and hits a clothesline. Miz sends Sandow into the corner, but runs into an elbow. He ducks a clothesline and goes for one of his own, but Sandow bails to the floor. Miz meets him outside with a double axe handle from the apron. Sandow is rolled back in, and he kicks Miz as he tries to climb back in. Rhodes leaves the announce desk, grabs a mic and tells the audience to show respect for Sandow. In the ring, Sandow hits a suplex, drops his kneepad and hits a jumping kneedrop for 2. We get a cut-away featuring Wade Barrett, who is apparently doing an interview in the back. In the ring, Miz fights back with punches before being triped into the ropes. Sandow hits a knee to the back, then follows up with some kneelifts and a side-Russian legsweep. The Cobito Aquiet connects for 2, and now Sandow is applying a rear chinlock. Miz fights out, ducks some rights and hits some lefts. Forearm off the ropes by Miz, followed by a running kneelift and a running boot. Hanging clothesline in the corner, and now Miz goes up top for a double axe handle. Why are so many wrestlers using that all of a sudden. Miz calls for the figure-4, but Rhodes distracts him on the apron. Miz knocks him down and Sandow goes for a back suplex. Miz flips out, takes Sandow down and applies the figure-4. Sandow taps.
WINNER: The Miz.
MATCH 5: Aksana vs. WWE Divas Champion Kaitlyn (non-title)
Before the match, we see a video from earlier today featuring Kaitlyn and Natalya talking, and someone delivers some flowers to Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn starts the match with a waistlock takedown right into a front chancery. Kaitlyn turns it into a snap suplex for 2 before applying an arm wringer. Aksana fights out with forearms before Kaitlyn runs through her with a shoulderblock. She calls for the inverted DDT, but Aksana backs her into the corner before whipping her down to the mat. She catapults Kaitlyn into the top rope, then drives her knee into Kaitlyn’s back before applying a rear chinlock. Kaitlyn begins to fight out until Aksana whips her back down. Aksana lands some kicks to the ribs before hitting a side-Russian legsweep. She crawls around the ring for whatever reason, then kicks Kaitlyn in the face for 2. Aksana goes back to the rear chinlock, driving her knee into the back as well. Kaitlyn powers out, but runs into a kick. Aksana forearms her down, then applies an over-the-shoulder backbreaker. Kaitlyn escapes and runs through Aksana with a spear for 3.
WINNER: Kaitlyn. Decent for a divas match, especially considering one of the contestants was Aksana. Decent spear by Kaitlyn, too.
MATCH 6: Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus and Randy Orton (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs.
Jack Swagger, Mark Henry and The Big Show (w/Zeb Colter)
Swagger and ADR start the match with a lock-up. Swagger goes into a side headlock before shouldering ADR off the ropes. Crisscross ends in a hip toss by ADR. ADR lands a kick to the spine for 2. ADR kicks Swagger in the corner, then hits a step-up enziguri. Orton tags in and stomps Swagger’s hand before hitting a European uppercut. Orton with the corner punches, hitting all ten. Swagger comes back with a chopblock off an Irish whip, then DDTs the leg. Orton gets back up and hits a dropkick before tagging in ADR, who hits a drop toe-hold for 2. Swagger rolls to the apron, and ADR pulls him through the ropes for some forearms to the back and a Backstabber. Swagger rolls to the floor, and ADR hits a suicide dive. ADR rolls Swagger back into the ring and goes up top. Swagger meets him with a belly-to-belly suplex. Kurt Angle will accuse him of stealing on Twitter in no time. Show tags in stands on ADR’s back. He hits an open-hand chop in the corner before throwing ADR into the buckles. Swagger tags back in and hits some kneelifts. Henry in for the first time, and he headbutts ADR repeatedly. Swagger back in, and ADR blocks a charge before hitting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Show back in, and he stops a tag with an elbow drop. Bodyslam by Show as we go to commercials.
[adinserter name=”366 right”]Back from the break, ADR boots Swagger away. Swagger misses a corner charge, going shoulder-first into the ring post. Show tags in, and he pulls ADR away from his corner, once again preventing a tag. Show goes for the Alley-Oop, but ADR counters with a hurricanrana. Sheamus tags in, hits a pair of Irish Hammers, a running shoulder thrust and a running kneelift. He goes up for the Battering Ram, but Show sees it coming. Sheamus rolls through and charges at Show, running into a goozle. Sheamus escapes the chokeslam and hits White Noise. He calls for the Brogue Kick, but gets distracted by Henry. He knocks Henry down and goes for the Kick, but Show blocks it and hits a chokeslam for 2. Swagger back in, and he drops a pair of elbows before hitting a bodyslam and a running legdrop for 1. Swagger applies a front chancery, but Sheamus fights out and hits a rolling fireman’s carry slam. Henry tags in, and he stomps Sheamus in the back, preventing a tag. He clubs Sheamus across the back of the neck before foot-choking him. Show back in, and Sheamus tries to fight back with rights before running into a shoulderblock. Show walks across Sheamus’ stomach, then ties him in the ropes for some open-hand chops and a body blow. Swagger in, and he hits a series of kneelifts in the corner before hitting a short-arm clothesline. Swagger Bomb connects for 2. Swagger goes for it again, but Sheamus gets back up and electric chairs Swagger. Orton tags in, and he hits the 3.0, followed by 3 of the 4 Moves of Boredom. Henry comes in and hits Orton with a standing avalanche as Show clotheslines Sheamus to the floor. ADR lands a step-up enziguri on Henry on the apron, and outside, Sheamus blasts Show with a Brogue Kick. In the ring, Swagger ducks another step-up from ADR and goes for the Patriot Lock. Orton comes back in and lands an RKO on Swagger for 3.
WINNERS: Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton and Sheamus.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
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