This week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown opens up with Ryback heading to the ring. Looks like we’re going straight into a match.
Before that starts, though, Ryback has a few things to say. Last Monday night, he knew John Cena was hurt when he was supposed to tag with him to take on The Shield. He’s not Cena’s keeper. Cena chose to put himself in the match and put himself at further risk. He was the one who lost to The Shield. Afterwards, Cena was hobbling like a weak, pathetic animal. In the laws of the jungle, the bigger, stronger and faster animals always eat the weak. Ryback rules.
MATCH 1: Ryback vs. WWE Tag Team Co-Champion Daniel Bryan
Bryan hits a kick to the left leg, ducks a clothesline and hits another kick. He ducks a corner attack, hitting more kicks to the legs. Ryback finally boots him in the stomach and clubs him with a forearm. Bryan blocks a back body drop by hitting more kicks, but gets rammed into the corner with shoulder thrusts. Ryback hits a knife-edge, then clubs Bryan down. Back up, Ryback hits a bodyslam. Bryan pops up with more kicks to the left leg, but it’s cut short by some forearm shots. Ryback throws Bryan outside, and Bryan lands on his feet, baiting Ryback to the floor. Bryan gets back in, hits a dropkick through the ropes and follows up with a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Ryback hits some kneelifts on Bryan in the corner and goes for a running powerslam. Bryan escapes and goes back to the kicks until Ryback catches a kick and just shoves him down. Ryback goes for a powerslam and turns Bryan vertical, but Bryan knees him in the head to counter. Back on his feet, Bryan hits more kicks to the leg before running into a gorilla press. Ryback holds him for a moment, then throws him to the floor. Commercials.
WINNER: Ryback. Awesome way to start the show this week. If Smackdown could start every week with matches that good, I’d be very happy.
Renee Young is in the back with Ricardo Rodriguez. She asks about his match with Zeb Colter tonight. He’s very excited, and then rambles in Spanish before kissing her. Alberto Del Rio walks in and tells him to get a hold of himself and come get ready.
MATCH 2: Zack Ryder vs. Fandango (w/Summer Rae)
Crowd’s not so much into Fandango’s entrance theme this week, it seems. Fandango hits a couple of kneelifts. Ryder blocks a hip toss, hits his own, and then hits a drop toehold for 2. Fandango comes back with stomps and kicks to the head before tying Ryder into the ropes, where he hits some forearms shots to the back of the head. He follows up with an apron kick, getting 2. Ryder comes back with a facebuster, blocks a corner charge, then hits a missile dropkick from the middle rope. Ryder hits a running forearm and the Broski Boot for 2. Fandango counters the Rough Ryder into a stun gun and follows up with a side-Russian legsweep. He connects with the guillotine legdrop and gets the 3.
Kaitlyn is in the back, holding a dozen roses. Natalya and The Great Khali stop to ask her what that’s about. Kaitlyn reads a text from her secret admirer to them, but doesn’t know who it is, as it’s from a blocked number. Natalya says Khali has the best advice when she’s confused, and tells him to give her some. All I can understand is, “If you need advice, come to me.”
Later tonight, Kane faces Dean Ambrose one-on-one.
Renee Young is now standing by with Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger. She reminds Zeb he can redeem his loss on Monday night by beating Ricardo one-on-one tonight. Zeb immediately loses my attention with the phrase “lamestream media”. He then rambles on about being brave, supposedly being violently ill on Monday night. He still went to work, though, because that’s what real Americans do. Okay, I can’t do this. I cannot stand listening to Zeb or his promos. This is the worst kind of cheap heat there is in pro wrestling.
MATCH 3: Ricardo Rodriguez (w/Alberto Del Rio) vs. Zeb Colter (w/Jack Swagger)
I’m glad Ricardo gets more ring time. He’s actually a very good in-ring performer overall. He may be doing a comedy gimmick, but the man can work and is professionally trained to do so. Anyway, Dolph Ziggler (w/AJ Lee and Big E. Langston) is doing color commentary for this match. Zeb pushes Ricardo before slapping him. Ricardo grabs him by the beard, then kicks him in the knee. Ricardo stomps his hand, then “rides the pony”. Zeb gets up and rakes the eyes before punching Ricardo several times. Ricardo comes back with a hard right and a pair of thrust kicks, sending Zeb to the corner. He goes to charge in, and Jack Swagger hits the ring with a clothesline.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Ricardo Rodriguez. ADR hits the ring and clotheslines Swagger to the floor. Teddy Long comes out and says that, if that’s how these four want to play it, he’s turning this into a tag team match right now. I laugh when Ziggler refers to this as “Classic Teddy”.
MATCH 4: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger
Swagger and Ricardo apparently start the match during the commercials, and Swagger is in control with a hard corner whip. Ricardo dodges a charge, causing Swagger to go shoulder-first into the ring post. ADR tags in, hits a pair of clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Swagger rolls to the apron, where ADR pulls him through the ropes, hits a few forearms to the back and goes for the Backstabber, but Swagger elbows him off. ADR comes back with a double-knee armbreaker and applies the jujigatame. Big E. Langston and Dolph Ziggler hit the ring and attack both men, causing a double DQ.
WINNER: No contest. Langston throws Swagger to the floor, then drops the straps. Before he can continue the attack. Teddy Long comes out and says he knew this would happen, and makes this into a triple threat tag team match. That’s right. Teddy Long just pulled some kind of Inception bullsh*t and made a tag team match within a tag team match. Sigh.
MATCH 5-Triple Threat Tag Team Match: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger vs. Big E. Langston and World Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/AJ Lee)
ADR starts off by attacking Ziggler with kicks and punches. Snapmare out of the corner, followed by a spinal tap by ADR for 2. Ricardo tags in and hits a running knee to the face for 2. Low dropkick by Ricardo, and ADR tags back in, hitting a quick kick to the head for 2. Ziggler kicks him in the knee and hits a beautiful dropkick. Langston in, who hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Langston rams ADR into the corner and hits a running shoulder thrust. Ziggler back in, and he hits some body blows, followed by an avalanche for 2. Ziggler applies a mounted rear chinlock now, and ADR fights out with strikes. Ziggler blocks a back body drop, but still gets pancaked. Ziggler comes back with a kick to the knee and hits a neckbreaker. Langston tags in and walks into a mule kick by ADR. He shakes it off and drops ADR with a forearm shot before hitting some body blows. Standing back body drop by Langston before he rams ADR into the corner and hits a running shoulder thrust. Ziggler tags back in and misses a corner charge. ADR hits a thrust kick to the face, and then follows up with a Backstabber on an incoming Swagger. Langston comes back in and gets low-bridged to the floor, and Ziggler goes out next, courtesy of a clothesline. Zeb is in the ring, and ADR looks at him, calling for the jujigatame. Ziggler comes back in and hits a nice jumping DDT for 2. Ricardo tags in and goes after Langston, but Langston drops him with a standing avalanche. Swagger takes Langston out with an elevated belly-to-belly suplex, but is quickly hit with a step-up enziguri by ADR. Ziggler comes in with a schoolboy on ADR but only gets 2. ADR applies the rolling jujigatame and Ziggler taps out.
WINNERS: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez.
We see some darkened area in the back, and what sounds like someone getting assaulted. The camera pans up to show The Shield. Dean Ambrose says it breaks your heart when “the champ” becomes “the chump”. They broke Cena, they broke The Undertaker, and they’ll break Kane next. Justice is what they dispense every day, and that’s what they’ll do to Kane tonight. They put ‘Taker down, but it could have been worse. Don’t believe them? By the end of the night, you will believe. Believe in The Shield. The camera pans back down, and we see that it was Daniel Bryan who was assaulted.
After the commercials, we see the referees and trainers checking on Bryan.
MATCH 6: Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow
Orton starts with a side headlock before shouldering Sandow off the ropes. Lock-up, and Sandow goes to the headlock this time. Orton counters into his own, then hits another shoulderblock. Sandow suckers him into the corner, then stomps him down to the mat before choking Orton with his knee. Back up, Sandow hits the Venis kneelift, follows up with a snapmare and hits a jumping kneedrop for 2. Sandow applies a rear chinlock, then sends Orton to the corner. Orton reverses and hits the Four Moves of Boredom. Sandow blocks the fourth, though (the DDT), hotshots Orton, then sends him to the floor with a running knee strike. Commercials.
Back from the break, Orton counters a side headlock with a back suplex. Sandow comes back with a dropkick to the knee and hits a DDT for 2. Sandow picks Orton up for some kneelifts and follows up with a side-Russian legsweep before hitting the Cobito Aquiet, then hits a second one for 2. Sandow goes back to the rear chinlock, but Orton headbutts his way out. Sandow comes back with a boot before running into a dropkick. Back body drop connects, and Sandow rolls to the apron. Orton hits the suspended DDT from here and now calls for the RKO. The RKO connects and Orton gets the 3.
WINNER: Randy Orton. As Orton is celebrating, The Big Show comes out. He tells Orton he is amazing, but the problem is he’s not a team player. It’s all about Randy Orton. If Orton hadn’t had such a big ego at Wrestlemania and made the tag, they might have beaten The Shield, and Orton wouldn’t have gotten knocked out. All of a sudden, Sandow attacks Orton from behind and lays him out with the Terminus. Show laughs and says that is so funny. But, understand him: at Extreme Rules, there will be nothing funny about what Show does to him.
We see Kane leaving the trainer’s office when he’s stopped by Matt Striker, wanting to know Daniel Bryan’s condition. Kane says he’ll make The Shield pay for what they did to Bryan and his brother. He knows what he’s getting into and what’s going to happen to him. Sooner or later, they’ll get him down and make sure he’s stay down. But, he’s going to take down as many as he can. We’re going on a little journey to a place called Hell.
MATCH 7-Arm Wrestling Contest: Mark Henry vs. Sheamus
Henry stalls and tells the ref to make sure Sheamus’ hands and arms are dry. Is that a required spot in every arm wrestling contest in pro wrestling history? Henry takes his t-shirt off for whatever reason, and now the contest starts. Chris Jericho once said Scott Norton taught him a trick to winning any arm wrestling contest, no matter how strong or big you are. I’d love to know what it is. Anyway, Henry starts to win, but Sheamus begins taking control. He’s close to winning, but Henry takes control once more and beats him.
WINNER: Mark Henry. Wow. I’m surprised this didn’t end with Henry knocking the table over and attacking Sheamus. Like always. Sheamus congratulates Henry and says he has the stronger right arm, but he doesn’t believe Henry has the strongest left. He challenges Henry to a rematch, and Henry shrugs it off. Sheamus continues to egg him on, calling him scared. Of course, Henry gets back in the ring at this point. Henry agrees to the rematch, and Sheamus toys with him for a minute or two. Before it can start, Sheamus just punches Henry, then drops him with a Brogue Kick.
MATCH 8: Dean Ambrose (w/Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins) vs. WWE Tag Team Co-Champion
Reigns is carrying Daniel Bryan’s WWE Tag Team title with him. Based on the fact that Ambrose is the only one who has gotten singles matches thus far, I think it’s obvious to everyone that even those within WWE know he’s going to be the breakout star of the group. Kane clears the ring before the match even starts by swinging his title belt. He boots Ambrose, then goes outside and throws Rollins into the barricade and throws Reigns over the announce desk. Rollins then gets clotheslined into the crowd. The match starts, and Kane throws Ambrose into the corner for some body blows and an uppercut. He boots Ambrose in the head, then throws him to the floor. Outside, Kane hotshots Ambrose onto the barricade before rolling him to the apron for a right hand to the jaw and a boot to the side of the face. Reigns is still out behind the desk. Back in the ring, Kane ties Ambrose up in the corner and hits a straight right, followed by a short-arm clothesline. Ambrose blocks a charge and mounts the middle rope, but gets an uppercut that sends him to the floor. Commercials.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose. Major victory here, all things considering. At this rate, Ambrose is going to be HUGE in WWE somewhere down the road. Kane gets back up and challenges The Shield to get back in the ring. He fights them off for a moment until they surround the ring. The numbers are too much, and they completely dominate him. He eventually begins to fight back and grabs Rollins & Ambrose in a double goozle, but Reigns comes out of nowhere with a spear. Kane is then dropped with a triple powerbomb. Ambrose rolls to the floor and grabs the tag belts and hands one to Rollins. The trio stand over Kane with the belts held over their heads.
End of show.
The opening match was good. The main event was good. Even the “Teddy Long Tag Team Extravaganza, Playa” was good. Episodes like this make my job so much easier. Oh, and in case I haven’t said it before, The Shield is the best idea WWE has had in ages, and thus far, it has been executed to perfection.
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