This week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown opens with Ricardo Rodriguez introducing the World Champion, Alberto Del Rio. We are 44 days away from ADR/Swagger, but only if Swagger doesn’t get his title match taken away as a result of him getting arrested shortly after this taping concluded.
ADR says that last Sunday, he retained his title at Elimination Chamber. So that means he and Ricardo are going to Wrestlemania. He also found out who his opponent is that night, that being Jack Swagger. Swagger has a new friend and a new attitude, and with this new attitude, Swagger believes he is everything that is right with America, and ADR is everything that is wrong. Jack, he saw the State of the Union address on RAW, as well as all the YouTube videos. Swagger says the problem is immigration. According to Swagger, immigrants are taking the jobs from people like him. This country was built by immigrants, real, hard-working people trying to provide their families with a better life. That is why America is so great. Jack, this is the result of his hard work. This (the title) is the result of the American dream. And Jack, if you are a real American, to him, you are just a real jackass. We, the immigrants just want handouts, why don’t you come out here so he can lay his hand out across your face, perro.
Randy Orton’s music hits. He makes his way down to the ring. He says he’ll do his best to stay calm, cool and collected, but something was taken from him. This past Sunday, he was this close to getting a chance at regaining the title in the main event at Wrestlemania, but that was taken from him by Jack Swagger. Part of him admires it, because he would have done the same thing. Another part of him wants to take out all of his aggression on Swagger tonight. He knows it’s ADR/Swagger at ‘Mania, so he’s asking ADR to step aside tonight, as Swagger is his. If they have to fight over it, so be it.
Sheamus is making his way out for a match with Damien Sandow, and that’s next.
Promo video for Fandango. If he makes it more than six months with this gimmick, I will be impressed.
MATCH 1: Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow
Before the match, Sandow has something to say. Tonight, you will all bear witness to a monumental occasion: the destruction of your false idol, Sheamus. A man whose only purpose has been dragging you further into the bowels of your own ignorance. Tonight, Sheamus, your reign of terror comes to an end. You’re welcome. Sandow and Sheamus trade strikes, with Sheamus getting the better of it. Sandow fights back out of the corner until Sheamus trips him. Short-arm clothesline by Sheamus, and Sandow once again fights back. Sheamus blocks a hip toss and hits another short-arm. Clothesline over the ropes sends Sandow to the floor. Sheamus follows, sending Sandow into the barricade. He does it again on the other side before throwing Sandow back in. Sheamus hits the slingshot Battering Ram on the way back in, but Sandow connects with a clothesline out of the corner. Sheamus fights back with rights, but Sheamus grabs him by the hair and hurls him to the apron, where he gets set up for the forearms to the chest. Sheamus goes for a suplex back in, but Sandow drops to the floor. Commercials.
Back from the break, Sandow has Sheamus in a rear chinlock. Sheamus fights out, but Sandow connects with the side-Russian legsweep. Cobito Acquiet follows, as does a clothesline for 2. Sandow hits some crossface punches across the middle rope, then hits Sheamus with a low clothesline and some mounted punches. He chokes Sheamus under the bottom rope with his foot, then goes outside for some punches and elbows across the apron. Back in, Sheamus fights back with strikes, but Sandow cuts him off, hits a snapmare and applies a rear chinlock. Sheamus headbutts his way out, but gets tripped into the middle rope, where Sandow lands a legdrop across the back for 2. Back to the rear chinlock, and Sheamus fights out once more, hitting several rights. He hits a charging shoulder tackle in the corner, follows up with a running knee and a couple of Irish Hammers. Sandow runs right into a tilt-a-whirl, but escapes and shoves Sheamus into the corner. Edge-O-Matic by Sandow gets 2. Sandow with some knee lifts now, and he looks for the Terminus, but Sheamus won’t let him lock it in. Sheamus reverses it and headbutts Sandow before going for White Noise. Sandow escapes and avoids the Brogue Kick before dropkicking Sheamus in the knee. He misses a flipping neckbreaker and runs right into White Noise. Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick, and it connects for 3.
Wrestlemania XXX is taking place in New Orleans. Honestly, I figured they’d go back to MSG for the big 3-0.
MATCH 2: Aksana and Tamina Snuka vs. WWE Divas Champion Kaitlyn and Layla
Layla and Aksana start the match. Layla randomly dances, so Aksana does the same and gets kicked in the ass. Kaityln tags in, and she hits a flying shoulderblock before applying a rear chinlock. She gets distracted by Snuka, and Aksana knocks her to the floor. Outside, Snuka clotheslines Kaitlyn. Back in, Aksana hits a sidewalk slam for 2. She sends Kaitlyn into the heel corner, then slaps her. Aksana stomps her down before applying a headscissors. Aksana turns it into a Taco Twister before missing a splash off the ropes. Layla and Snuka tag in. Layla hits a hairmare and a hook kick to the face. Dropkick by Layla, followed by LOL. Snuka rolls through, though, and hoists her up for the Samoan drop. However, Layla makes the blind tag, and Kaitlyn spears Snuka for the 3.
WINNERS: Kaitlyn and Layla.
MATCH 3: Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Coulter)
Swagger has new, uber-patriotic marching band entrance music. Swagger pushes Orton to the corner, and they fight all over the ring in the lock-up position, giving a clean break in the middle of the ring. Swagger goes for a quick schoolboy for 1 before Orton comes back with strikes in the corner, stomping Swagger down. Swagger kicks him the knee, but runs into a back elbow. Orton hits a back suplex for 2. Orton chokes Swagger over the middle rope, but he comes back with some rights and shoulder thrusts in the corner. Orton no-sells and punches Swagger down before throwing him to the corner. Swagger reverses a corner whip, and Orton comes back with a clothesline. Snapmare by Orton, and now he goes to the rear chinlock, his most favorite of moves. Swagger counters into a back suplex, breaking the hold. Swagger goes for the pin, getting 2. He drops a series of elbows, then hits a running a shoulderblock. He hits another one, and Orton quickly schoolboys him for 2 before hitting a dropkick. Orton does the Garvin Stomp and follows up with a jumping knee for 2. Swagger rolls to the floor, where he drags Orton toward the ring post, wrapping the leg around the post. Back in the ring, Swagger goes for the Patriot Act (which Josh Mathews is now calling the Patriot Lock. Not sure which is correct now), but Orton kicks him to the outside. Orton hits a horrible Thesz Press on the outside before Swagger rolls back in. He rolls back out, where Orton drops him with a clothesline. Commercials.
We’re back, and the two are trading punches. Orton sends Swagger over the top, but Swagger lands on his feet on the apron. Orton boots him and goes for the suspended DDT, but Swagger back drops him to the floor. Orton lands on his feet and drags Swagger out, where he hits more punches. Swagger reverses a whip into the steps, sending Orton in shoulder-first. He slams Orton face-first into the steps before rolling him back in the ring for 2. Swagger hits some kneelifts in the corner before hitting a modified belly-to-belly suplex. Avalanche connects for another 2. Swagger applies a double chicken wing, and Orton elbows out. Swagger headbutts him before he gets backdropped to the outside. Orton heads outside, hitting a back suplex across the top of the barricade. Back in, Swagger chopblocks Orton from the front, then follows up with the Swagger Bomb for 2. Orton blocks a suplex a couple of times, then hits his own. Swagger pops back up, but misses a shoulder thrust in the corner, hitting the post. Orton loads up the Four Moves of Boredom, but goes for the 3.0 instead. Swagger fights out and kitchen sinks him. He goes for the Swagger Bomb again, but Orton sees it coming and connects with the 3.0 after a kick. Swagger rolls to the apron, where Orton hits the suspended DDT. He coils up for the RKO as Zeb helps Swagger back up. Swagger hotshots Orton, thumbs him in the eye and stacks him up with his feet on the ropes for the 3.
WINNER: Jack Swagger.
MATCH 4: The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes
We get a cut-away promo from Rhodes, and he’s sick of people criticizing him for his mustache. The ladies are apparently calling it a “love-stache”. Looks like WWE is starting a romance angle between him and Kaitlyn as well. Miz starts with a waistlock, and Rhodes trips him up. Crisscross ends with a back elbow by Miz. Rhodes backdrops him to the floor, but Miz lands on the apron and climbs to the top. Rhodes hotshots the bad arm from this position, then stomps the shoulder. He stomps it once more before going for the pin, getting 1. Rhodes applies a hammerlock, and Miz elbows out. Rhodes boots him in the knee, kicks him in the shoulder and lands a dropkick for 2. Rhodes boots Miz in the head, then fires off some rights. Miz fights back and goes for a sunset flip, but Rhodes rolls through and knees him in the face for 2. Rhodes applies a modified armbar, then knees him in the gut. Miz backflips out of a back suplex and lands a big boot for 2. Miz shoves Rhodes to the corner, but misses a shoulderblock. Rhodes goes for the Alabama Slam, but Miz rolls through and applies the figure-4. Rhodes taps.
MATCH 5-Champion vs. Champion: Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett vs. World Champion Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez; non-title)
Before the match starts, Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter make their way onto the stage to apparently watch this match. Barrett immediately goes into an arm wringer, and ADR flips out and hits a hip toss. Barrett comes back with strikes in the corner, and ADR counters with corner kicks. Snapmare by ADR, followed by a kick to the spine. Barrett rolls to the floor, where ADR hits a dropkick through the ropes off a Ricardo distraction. Back in the ring, they trade strikes until Barrett sends ADR into the corner. ADR mounts the buckles, and Barrett shoves him to the floor. Outside, Barrett slams ADR face-first into the steps , then whips him into another set. Back in the ring, Barrett goes for a cover, getting 2. He applies a rear chinlock now, but ADR fights out. Barrett ducks a clothesline, hits a mule kick, then follows up with a pumphandle slam for 2. Barrett chokes ADR with his knee over the middle rope, ties him up through the ropes for some kneelifts, then knocks his ass to the floor with a running boot to the face. Outside, Barrett rolls ADR back in the ring for a cover, getting 2. Barrett hits a series of elbows off the ropes for another 2. Barrett goes back to a rear chinlock before whipping him into the corner. ADR blocks a charge and hits a seated dropkick from the middle rope. Back up, ADR ducks a clothesline, hits a couple of his own, ducks another and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. ADR connects with a thrust kick out of the corner, but only gets 2. Barrett pulls himself up in the corner, and as ADR charges in, Barrett catches him with the Winds of Change for 2. Barrett goes for Wasteland, but ADR slides out and shoves Barrett into the corner. ADR blocks a kick, hits some forearms to the back and a Backstabber for 2. He calls for the rolling jujigatame as Swagger begins marching down to ringside. ADR is distracted, and Barrett rolls him up for 2 before hitting a running boot. Barrett calls for the Bull Hammer and pulls down the elbow pad. ADR ducks and manages to lock in the jujigatame, and Barrett taps out.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio.
End of show.
As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
-DustinAJ Lee, Alberto del Rio, Antonio Cesaro, Big E. Langston, Brodus Clay, chris jericho, CM Punk, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Elimination Chamber 2013, Great Khali, Heath Slater, Jack Swagger, Kaitlyn, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, Natalya, randy orton, Ryback, Sheamus, Tensai, The Big Show, The Miz, The Rock, The Shield, Uncle Zeb Coulter, Wade Barrett, WrestleMania 29, wwe smackdown