Top 40 Chael Sonnen Quotes

UFC fighter Chael Sonnen has turned into arguably the greatest sound byte in all of sports.Today we celebrate Sonnen’s wit by looking back at his top 40 quotes. Why 40? Because anything less wouldn’t be enough!

Sonnen is an equal opportunity offender but appears to take more pleasure out of insulting his foreign peers. The bulk of his material has been directed to Anderson Silva yet Sonnen has had plenty of insults to toss the way of Michael Bisping, Wanderlei Silva, Mirko Cro Cop, Cyborg Santos, Georges St-Pierre, and Lyoto Machida. In addition to the insults, Sonnen’s high opinion of Chael Sonnen also makes for fun fodder. Thanks to the wonderful archives of Twitter and You Tube, here is a look back at Chael’s greatest hits.

“I think everyone up here is grateful to be on Fox. They would probably say ‘Fox thanks’. Everybody but me. I would say ‘Fox, you’re welcome.’ You’ve been telling everybody for years you’ve got the American Idol, and now you finally do.”

“Greetings from Sao Paulo! I’m learning the language: breakdancing in the Special Olympics is called Capoiera and cocaine is called brunch.”

“(Anderson Silva’s) got a black belt under the Nogueiras. I think a black belt under the Nogueiras is saying, like, I got a free toy in my Happy Meal. I don’t really understand what the big deal is. One of em’s a punching bag, and the other one I just ignore; he’s really irrelevant.”

“My phone rings, they call me up and say, ‘Chael, your testosterone level is too high.’ I say, ‘Well, how high was it?’ They say, ‘0.7.’ I said, ‘What’s normal?’ They say, ‘0.6.’; I said, ‘One-tenth? You’re telling me I’m one-tenth higher than the average man? Re-test that – you must have caught me on a low day.'”

“Take Lance Armstrong. Lance Armstrong did a number of things and he gave himself cancer. He cheated, he did drugs, and he gave himself cancer. Well, instead of saying ‘Hey listen, I cheated and gave myself cancer, don’t be like me.’ He actually made himself the victim and then went out and profited something like $15 million dollars from this ‘Hey, poor me, let’s find a cure for cancer’ campaign instead of just coming clean and saying, ‘Look, here’s what I did, I screwed myself up, and I hope people learn from my mistakes.’ You just watch these guys and can’t help but think, God, what a fraud. You got the whole Michael Phelps being a pothead thing too. I’m just glad I’m in the business I’m in so I can get them in the cage and kick the crap out of them.”

“If Brock Lesnar was here right now, I’d take my boot off and throw it at him, and he’d better polish it up before he brings it back to me. Talking about he’s the baddest guy in the UFC? Brock, quit eating so many raw eggs and doing push-ups because it’s affecting your realm of reality. Are you kidding me? I’d slap you in your face, and you wouldn’t do anything. ‘I’m Brock Lesnar. I’ve got this $5 haircut and a knife tattooed on my chest.’ I’ll shove it up your face if you get in Chael Sonnen’s way.”

“Listen Wanderlei, I will do a home invasion on you. I will cut the power to your house and the next thing you’ll hear is me climbing up your stairs in a pair of night vision goggles I bought in the back of Soldier of Fortune magazine. I’ll pick the lock to the master room door, take a picture of you in bed with the Nogueira brothers working on your ‘jiu-jitsu.’ I’ll take said quote unquote photograph, post it at, password – not required, username – not required. That, Wanderlei, is how you threaten someone. Dummy.”

“Anderson Silva is as fake as Mike Tyson was. They called him the hardest, ‘the baddest man in the world’ but he wasn’t even the toughest guy in America and we had to sit through and listen to that over and over again as he fought lots of tomato cans. Anderson Silva has no interested (sic) in the fight with me and I don’t know what his deal is …”

“You’re looking at the reflection of perfection. You’re looking at the man who gets all your attention. You’re looking at the man with the biggest arm. At the man, with the greatest charm, the man in Chicago who will do harm to the guy three doors down.Whatcha gonna do, when you know who? Howya gonna deal, with the man of steel? How ya gonna react to Sonnen’s attack? Tune in on the 28th! 8 p.m. Eastern Time! You’ll find out who the real champion is.”

“I am going to knock the teeth out of this snot-nosed Brit who calls himself royalty, who calls himself a Count,” Sonnen wasted no time in declaring. “I am MMA royalty and America will tune into the Chael Sonnen show next Saturday on Fox.”

“I should be the reigning champion. I punch a guy 300 times, he punches me a couple and they call him the champion? In what parallel universe does that make you the winner? I am the champion. I’ve been the champion. Anderson’s ribs have the exact same problem that his hands and his feet have, they’re attached to a cowardly person. For Anderson to say that he wasn’t 100-percent, I completely believe him. Who cares? But yeah, do I think his ribs where hurt? Sure. Why would I think they weren’t? He’s the only one who could tell if they were hurt.”

“How do you, with a straight face, pretend that those ‘fights’ … and I’m of course holding up quotation signs … in Japan were real?”

“I’d suggest to him being a little careful about spitting on any of MY cornermen, since any one of them can beat him up as badly as I can. Thanks ever so much.”

“You tell Anderson Silva I’m coming over. I’m kicking in his back door and I’m pattin’ his old lady on the ass and I’m telling her to make me a steak, medium rare just how I like it.”

“Cyborg? I thought he was a middleweight.”

“Brock Lesnar actually is telling people that he wrote a book, when to the contrary there’s no evidence that he’s actually literate.”

“Hey Vitor, take my name out of your mouth until you show up for half as many fights as you pullout of.”

“Me taking on a mop and a garbage can would be a more interesting fight than those two (GSP and Anderson Silva).”

“You know, these guys are out there making man-love all the time, giving high-fives and huggin’ one another. You deserve to be knocked out if you’re trying to hug a man in the middle of a fistfight.”

“News flash, Lyoto: the spotlight is part and parcel for the gig. Go join a monastery if you want to pretend that fighting is about honor or integrity. And who are you to talk about being a big man? I don’t see you changing diapers on flipper babies in Chernoybl.”

“If I could read three books by Warren Buffett or one by Dana White , I’d read Dana’s.”

“Pipe down Mirko and let us just use you for oil like the rest of the dinosaurs.”

“When I was young they used to call me ‘The Foreman,’ not because I was in charge but because I did the work of four men.”

“Bisping, you make good points about deserving a title shot. After all you did beat, umm, well ahh … Hum and then there was … Ah … Wait, what!?”

“Okami is ready to go get that belt. Once he returns from Rio, we can truly say ‘he went to Hell and back’ to get it.”

“What are we even doing here, guys? This is insanity. He sits over here pretending he doesn’t speak English? Come on! That’s like pretending you’re the World Champion.”

“Anderson Silva, their big national hero, just put 2 million dollars down on a mansion in LOS ANGELES. Los Angeles is in America, for those of you that aren’t good at geography, it’s not in Brazil.”

“I’m a partner of the UFC and Anderson’s an employee. There’s a big difference. That’s why all the questions keep coming to me, because I give a coherent and clear answer that somebody wants to hear and he sits on a speakerphone on a car somewhere and says yes and no.”

“Machida is a gentleman. MMA is very cutthroat, and it’s sweet that Lyoto promised to never fight his girlfriend Anderson. That’s devotion.”

“…when I was a little kid, I’d go outside with my friends and we’d talk about the latest technology, in medicine, gaming, and American ingenuity, and Anderson and the Brazilian kids are sitting outside playing in the mud.”

“A black belt under the Nogueiras is like saying I got a free toy in my Happy Meal.”

“Anderson, think it through. There’s still a couple months left before they lock that cage behind me and you. Last time, they raised your hand, but it was plain to see. I took a lot more outta you than you took outta me. I broke the mirror and I blew away the smoke. It was me who tapped, but it was you who broke. So, Anderson … my friend, think it through. Who ya gonna send? Frankenstein Nogueira or your lap dog Ed Soares with a couple of rusty pistols and a beat up Ford Taurus? If they shoot like you fight, all they’re gonna do is bore us with your overrated standup and your takedown defense that’s porous. Karate boy Machida, will he show up with some fresh warm peepee in a Starbucks cup? Wanderlei, Vitor, Babalu himself, I’ll give ’em all beatings and put ’em back on the shelf. Come on trains, planes, or bikes, but here’s a little advice don’t send no one you like, cause you come to my home running your mouth you’re gonna be shakin’ hands with Jesus or the man further South. So get in the gym and work on your sprawl. I just talked to Uncle Dana and it’s winner take all. I’m gonna leave you with some string and a whole buncha welts. You’re gonna need it keep your pants up, Anderson, cause I’m taking your belt!”

“He thinks he’s gonna break my face? Tell him I’ve got two words for him: ‘medium rare’” Sonnen countered.

“I don’t like this guy,” and “I want to beat him up,” but it goes much further than that. Sonnen says that while he grew up talking about technology, medicine, and American ingenuity, Silva was outside in Brazil playing in the mud.”

“Spent months training to fight Munoz and now I have to fight a guy who sounds like Pip from South Park.”

“Brazil isn’t a bowing country. You bow in Brazil they’ll hit you over the head and take your wallet out of your pocket.”

“I am attempting to pick a FIGHT with some Brazilian fighters. Not fighters that care about you, Brazil. Fighters that have abandoned you. Fighters that claim they’re from Brazil, like Wanderlei Silva, but he lives in a gated community in Las Vegas. He drives an Aston Martin. Do you guys even know what that is? That’s what James Bond drove! It costs 200 grand. Wanderlei could have bought a fully-loaded Lexus, drove around in style for forty-one thousand, sent a hundred and fifty-nine grand back to your country, built two schools … but he didn’t.”

“I don’t do training camps. I don’t sleep in tents and I don’t roast marshmallows. Camps are for kids.”

“I want an easy fight. Anderson Silva, Wanderlei Silva. Either of the Silvas. Bigfoot Silva. They all suck. Gimme a Silva.”

“He (Wanderlei) has got the worst record in the history of the UFC and I can’t imagine how I could be demoted down to need to compete with him. And I don’t even say that to be a jerk. Those are the numbers.”

Originally published July 6, 2012

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Eric G.

Eric is the owner and editor-in-chief of the Camel Clutch Blog. Eric has worked in the pro wrestling industry since 1995 as a ring announcer in ECW and a commentator/host on television, PPV, and home video. Eric also hosted Pro Wrestling Radio on terrestrial radio from 1998-2009. Check out some of Eric's work on his IMDB bio and Wikipedia. Eric has an M.B.A. from Temple University's Fox School of Business.

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