This week on TNA Impact Wrestling MMA star Quentin “Rampage” Jackson makes his TNA debut. TNA must have confused me with someone who gives a damn.
Bully Ray makes his way out through the crowd, and is still World Champion after defeating Sting last Sunday at Slammiversary. Honestly kind of surprised TNA did the right thing and didn’t give Sting yet another title reign he doesn’t need. Ray says that the people in the crowd are obviously very happy to see him, and then introduces himself. He is the TNA World Heavyweight Champion. He comes from “God’s Country”, Hell’s Kitchen, NYC. He defeated Sting at Slammiversary. He is Bully Ray. Slammiversary hasn’t been too kind to Sting. Last year was the first time Sting ever got jumped by Aces and Eights. Everyone knows what happened this past Sunday: he single-handedly defeated Sting. Rumor has it Sting might even retire. TNA has no more heroes. Ray has destroyed everybody. Nobody can do a damn thing about it. So, there’s only one thing left to do: Ray deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. Dixie Carter, wherever you are, get out of the mirror for five seconds and come down to his ring…
[adinserter name=”366 left”]Hulk Hogan makes his way out. I really hope TNA isn’t going to do what I think they’re going to do. Hogan has one white glove on for some reason. He calls this “Hulkamania Country”. He has to give the devil his due. Last Sunday, Ray was at the top of his game, dude. He does some bizarre ramble about comparing Sting to Humpty Dumpty, then asks if Ray said there’s no more competition here. Ray says Hulk heard him damn well, dad. Hulk calls him a “sonofab”, then says TNA will be hot with competition all summer. The BFG Series will be going down every week, and next week, Ray will see a list of 12 competitors who will be in the Series, calling next week the “Selection Show”. But for tonight, in Atlanta, GA, it will be Ray facing a man he screwed over twice, that being Jeff Hardy. Hardy comes out, and Ray is irate. He says Hulk can’t just put him in a match tonight. Hulk disagrees, saying the GM can do whatever the hell he wants. This is Hardy’s first night back on Impact, and Hulk wants him to feel comfortable in this mach. The title isn’t on the line, but to make Hardy feel welcome, there will be a monster ladder in the ring. And just like the last time, there was something hanging in the balance. The something hanging there tonight is something Ray has used repeatedly. Hardy pulls a ball peen hammer out of his pocket. Hulk announces that the ladder will be hanging from the ceiling, and the first person to get to it gets to use it. It’s essentially a Stairway to Hell Match, which in turn is a glorified version of an Item-on-a-Pole Match, which is one of the worst match concepts in history.
We get a video promoting the BFG Series.
We see Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez in the back, and Chavo is apologizing about Slammiversary before saying both of them are in contention for the BFG Series, and they face each other tonight in a singles match. Hernandez thanks Chavo for teaching him everything he has, and Chavo said he didn’t teach him everything. Great. Split up a team no one cares about into two singles stars no one cares about.
MATCH 1-BFG Series Qualifier: Hernandez vs. Chavo Guerrero
Mike Tenay calls these two “long-time tag team partners”. I guess a few months equals “long-time” now. Chavo goes into a waistlock before trying a snapmare. Hernandez blocks it and shoulders him off the ropes. Chavo with another waistlock, and Hernandez counters into an armbar. Chavo flips into an arm wringer and turns it into an armdrag. Chavo gets backed into the corner with a lock-up, and Chavo comes back with European uppercuts. Hernandez misses a corner charge, but blocks a monkey flip before running into a dropkick for 2. Chavo goes to an armbar, and Hernandez breaks it with a bodyslam. He misses the Warrior Splash, and Chavo hits a hilo for 2 before applying a scissored armbar. Hernandez powers out and sets Chavo onto the top turnbuckle. Chavo kicks him away and goes for a dive, but gets caught and hit with a bearhug suplex. Hernandez misses a Polish Hammer, but connects on the second try before hitting an avalanche. Over-the-shoulder backbreaker drop connects for 2 as Chavo gets his foot in the ropes. Chavo backdrops Hernandez in the corner, but Hernandez lands on his feet. He goes for the slingshot shoulderblock, but Chavo moves out of the way. Chavo calls for the 3 Amigos, but Hernandez escapes the 3rd. Chavo sends him into the corner and hits a rolling kick before going up top for the frog splash. Hernandez blocks it with his knees and sets up the Border Toss, but Chavo counters into a sunset flip. Hernandez escapes and quickly stacks up Chavo for the 3.
WINNER: Hernandez, who is now the second man in the BFG Series after Jay Bradley. The two shake hands after the match.
We see Quentin Jackson enter the building, where he’s stopped by Pat Kenney and the World Tag Team Champions, James Storm & Gunner. They all welcome him here, he reciprocates, then keeps walking.
Devon makes his way out. He says the jackasses in Georgia should know that, when he gets in the ring, you sit down and shut the hell up. Abyss, you have something he wants, something you stole at Slammiversary. That was no sanctioned match, so he is giving you the opportunity to come out and give him back what belongs to him, and that’s the Television title. Joseph Park comes out and says everyone would be happy if he’d just shut up. What Devon did at Slammiversary was robbery, robbing him of his chance to be TV Champion. Park is done being bullied, and he’s going to do something he should have done a long time ago. Park tackles Devon and assaults him with rights before hitting a pair of shoulder tackles. Devon comes back with a clothesline, then hits him in the head with the mic before stomping. Devon hits a series of rights, knocking Park to the floor. Outside, Park gets sent into the ring post, and now Devon has a chair. Before he can strike, Abyss’ music hits. Devon gets back in the ring and orders Abyss to come out now. Abyss doesn’t show up, so Devon says he’ll find his ass, bitch. He punches Park once more before leaving the area. Park’s mouth is bleeding. He wipes the blood off, stares at it, then snaps.
We see Devon and Knux in the back, looking for Abyss.
Before the next match starts, Robbie E gets a mic and says it’s no secret that in the 2012 BFG Series, Robbie E was the MVP, bro. He beat Jeff Hardy, and Hardy won the thing. E even got 5 points, bro. Tonight, after he wins his 2013 qualifier, the sky’s the limit. He might get 10 points, 20 points, 20,000 points, bro. In other words, whoever his opponent his, he’s going down, bro.
MATCH 2-BFG Series Qualifier: Robbie E vs. Samoa Joe
Joe drops E with a boot, then fires off some rights in the corner, beating E down to the mat. Joe hits a chop to the chest, then corner whips E before hitting a running hip bump and a spin kick to the head. Joe sets E on the top, and E rakes the eyes. He hits some forearms to the back, but misses a cross-body. Joe hits a running knee to the head in the corner, a chop to the back, a kick to the chest and a jumping knee to the back. Joe hits the Muscle Buster out of the corner, then locks in the Kokina Clutch for the submission win.
WINNER: Samoa Joe, who becomes the 3rd qualifier in the Series.
Mickie James stops Velvet Sky and has a present for her: Sky appears on a Georgia scratch ticket. She then apologizes for last week. She felt so bad until Taryn Terrell came out and stole her moment. She apologizes and says it’ll never happen again. Sky accepts and says James looks like she’s ready to go, and that means Sky gets her rematch tonight. James already talked to Brooke Hogan, and James already has a match with someone Sky overlooked during her time as champion.
Video package for Kurt Angle being announced as the newest member of the TNA Hall of Fame. Huzzah.
Jeremy Borash is in the ring, and he welcomes Quentin Jackson into the arena. He comes out to some extremely generic entrance music. Big surprise. Jackson says it’s an honor to be here, and he started off as a pro wrestling fan, growing up in Memphis, where pro wrestling was big at the time. He used to do big slams until he got addicted to knocking people out. The crowd seems mixed on his role here. He says that, in order to be the best in TNA, he has to beat the best. Of course Kurt Angle comes out. Oh, and Jackson needs to have his promos scripted. He sounded clueless there. Angle says if Jackson is looking for the best, he needs to look no further because he’s staring right at the best. Jackson may be the best in the cage, but this is Angle’s world. Some day, when Jackson thinks he’s ready, he’ll have to go through Angle, and that is real. It’s damn real. The two shake hands before going nose-to-nose for a moment. And…that’s it. Well, that was money well-spent.
Jeff Hardy tells AI that tonight is his time for revenge. He and the creatures are going to be incredibly satisfied.
Mr. Anderson and Bully Ray are in the back and Ray asks if he’s seen D’Lo Brown. Anderson says D’Lo has a big headache, and Ray laughs. Getting rid of D’Lo was the best thing they ever did. Anderson points out that the VP spot is now open, and Ray asks him for suggestions. Before he can answer, he asks why he has to face Hardy in a ladder match tonight. Why would Hulk risk Hardy being taken out? And, why aren’t A and E represented in the BFG Series? He’s going to take care of that. Anderson asks if Ray needs the gang to do any “politicking”, meaning assistance. Ray says a good VP knows how to make that call himself.
MATCH 3: Austin Aries, Kenny King and Bobby Roode vs. World Tag Team Champions Gunner & James Storm, and World X-Division Champion Chris Sabin
Sabin and King start, and King goes on the attack with a forearm. Sabin counters an arm wringer into an armdrag, then follows up with two more before going to an armbar. King whips Sabin, who catches him with a spinning headscissors and a chop to the chest. Roode and Aries attack Sabin, which brings the tag champs in, knocking the heels to the floor. Sabin wipes out all three with a slingshot cross-body before rolling King back into the ring. King escapes a fireman’s carry, and Aries hits Sabin from the apron. King foot-chokes him before tagging in Roode, who throws Sabin into the corner for a knife-edge chop. Suplex connects, and Roode follows up with a jumping knee for 2. Sabin escapes a sunset flip and tags in Storm who fires off some rights on Roode before hitting a hip toss, an inverted atomic drop and an uppercut. Roode backdrops him in the corner, but Storm lands on the apron and hits a kick to the head. Aries manages to hotshot Storm, which allows Roode to nail a dropkick. Aries tags in, and they hit the slinghot/corkscrew elbow combo. Aries hits some body blows in the corner, then grinds Storm’s face on the top rope. Roode back in, and he hits some shots before tagging in King, who hits a bodyslam. Springboard legdrop gets 2 for King, and now he tags Aries in. Aries hits a jab to the face, then sends Storm into Roode’s boot. Roode tags in, and Storm avoids a double back body drop by kicking Roode and sending Aries head-first into Roode’s gut. King and Gunner tag in. Gunner hits a pair of clotheslines, then headbutts Aries. King gets sent into Aries in the corner, and he follows up with a running knee and a slingshot suplex for 2. Roode and Aries break up the pin and send Gunner in the corner. Gunner backdrops Aries to the floor before running into a spinebuster by Roode. Storm hits Roode with a neckbreaker, and Aries drops him with a missile dropkick. Sabin stops Aries from hitting a suicide dive and nails a step-up enziguri. He ducks a roundhouse from King and hits a beautiful springboard tornado DDT before hitting the move now known as Hail Sabin for 3.
WINNERS: Gunner, Chris Sabin and James Storm. I love watching Sabin hit a tornado DDT.
Hardcore Seaward is up next.
We see Knux and Devon still looking for Abyss in the back. Devon thinks he knows where Abyss is, and they charge into some door in the back.
Brooke Hogan is talking to Taryn Terrell in the back and calls her insane after her match after Slammiversary. Taryn says Gail Kim had it coming to her. She’s focused on becoming the Knockouts Champion, and Kim was one roadblock in the way of that. She then asks if Brooke is still in love with Bully Ray, and Brooke says to keep the conversation on wrestling.
MATCH 4: Knockouts Champion Mickie James vs. Taeler Hendrix (non-title)
Two knockouts I hate in one match. Terrific. Lock-up to start, and James backs Hendrix into the corner, giving a clean break. Another lock-up, and Hendrix turns it into an arm wringer. James counters into her own, and Hendrix counters into a fireman’s carry. James applies a side headlock until Hendrix throws her into the ropes. James hits a shoulderblock, and Hendrix comes back with a dropkick that was approximately a foot off the ground for 2. The two shake hands and James then goes to a waistlock. Hendrix breaks it and sends James into the ropes. James counters, and Hendrix counters the charge with a roundhouse through the ropes. Hendrix goes up top as James pretends like she somehow hurt her knee. She jumps back down to check on James, and James pops up with an uppercut. James botches the Mick Kick and gets the 3.
WINNER: Mickie James. That match was pathetic.
Back to the back, and we see Knux and Devon still looking. Devon walks away for a moment, and the camera pans up to see Abyss’ shadow attack Knux from behind. Abyss then attacks Devon and throws him into the wall. He then says he’s taking his belt into the abyss.
The main event is up next.
MATCH 5-Ladder Match for a hammer: Jeff Hardy vs. World Champion Bully Ray (non-title)
Hardy attacks Ray from the apron before he can get in the ring. The bell sounds, and Hardy slams him face-first into the steps before rolling him into the ring. Hardy shoulders Ray in the corner, hits some rights and an avalanche. Ray reverses a corner whip, and Hardy counters the charge with a headscissors, sending Ray to the floor. Hardy dropkicks him through the ropes, sending him into the announce desk before hitting a running clothesline from the apron. Hardy slams Ray into the steps two more times, then pulls a ladder from under the ring. He slides the ladder into the ring, then says he’s going for the hammer. Ray pulls him back outside and slams his leg into the apron as we go to commercials.
[adinserter name=”366 right”]Back from the break, Ray is assaulting Hardy in the corner with headbutts and chops to the chest. Ray hits an avalanche, knocking Hardy down. He hits a rolling leg snap, but Hardy fights back before getting hit with a back body drop. Ray picks the ladder up, raises it over his head, then slams it down on Hardy. Elbow drop by Ray, and he goes back to attacking the leg. I would like to know why the referee is standing outside the ring? Is this one of those stupid stipulations where he can’t make a count until the hammer gets pulled down or what? Hardy fights back with rights, but gets dropped with a big boot. Ray mocks Hulk Hogan, then pulls Hardy up by his hair. He sets up the Bully Bomb, but Hardy escapes and hits a DDT. Both get back up and trade rights. Hardy dominates, then hits a flying forearm, followed by an inverted atomic drop, double legdrop and seated dropkick, sending Ray to the corner. Hardy grabs the ladder and sets it up in the middle of the ring. Ray tries to knock him off the ladder, but Hardy jumps off before that can happen and sends Ray into the opposite corner with a reverse enziguri. He then rams the overturned ladder into Ray’s groin. Hardy sets the ladder up once again and begins climbing. Ray recovers and pushes the ladder down, sending Hardy into the top rope. He goes to pick Hardy up, and Hardy counters with a jawbreaker. He follows up with a running clothesline. Hardy sets up the ladder once more, and Ray knocks it down yet again. This time, Hardy lands in the corner. Ray charges, but Hardy blocks it with a back elbow. Hardy hits the Botch in the Wind, then goes back for the ladder. He climbs up, and Ray yanks the ladder from underneath him. Ray then sets the ladder up, drags Hardy tot eh corner, then begins to climb. He manages to get the hammer, then drops the ladder near the corner. Hardy blocks a hammer strike with a kick, then hits a sit-out Twist of Fate. Hardy grabs the hammer, and Ray is begging for mercy. Hardy misses two swings, and Ray flees to the back . Hardy trips chasing after him, selling the knee injury from earlier.
Hardy grabs the hammer, then asks for the referee to help him up. We see Ray in the back, screaming for his belt. Hulk Hogan comes from behind a corner. He goes to strike Ray with a hammer until Brooke runs in and screams for him to stop. Ray runs away.
WINNER: Um…Hardy, I think? I have no idea, since TNA didn’t bother to even announce the rules of the match.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:
[amazon_link id=”B00BCMT2CC” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD[/amazon_link]