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TNA Impact Wrestling Results March 28 and Recap

Saturday 30th, March 2013 / 11:13 Written by

TNA Impact is in Jonesboro, Arkansas this week, and man, these shows have been total throw-away lately. Not good, especially when this is the beginning of TNA being on the road full time.

Before I get into the recap, I would like to express my deepest sympathies to the family of “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair. For those that might not have heard yet, Flair’s youngest son Reid was found dead earlier today (Friday) at just 24 years old. Cause of death is unknown at this time. It is truly a tragedy when a father has to bury his son, but when the son is so young, it’s even worse. I can’t even imagine what is going through Ric’s head right now. I have a feeling I know what caused the death, but it really doesn’t matter right now. This is horrible news, and my thoughts are with Ric and his family at this time.

It is OFN once again, and you can probably guess I’m thrilled. The show opens with the new #1 contender for the World title, Jeff Hardy, making his way into the arena. Hardy says that, last week and tonight, he’s not 100%, but he still feels better. He tested himself against Kurt Angle, Magnus and Samoa Joe, and he now stands as your #1 contender. With that said, it’s OFN, and he’s gotta call someone out. Before that can happen, though, Bully Ray cuts him off. Ray makes his way out through the crowd, flanked by the rest of Aces and Eights. Ray says that everyone in this arena needs to sit down and shut their mouths. He’s sick and tired of hearing Hardy’s voice, and he’s sick and tired of listening to Hardy bitch and moan. Do you know who they are? Hardy, they are the Aces and Eights. You want to call him out, Jeff? Why would you want to do that? This title wouldn’t be on the line, and he wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to Hardy in front of all of his moron “creatures of the night”. Mr. Anderson steps in and asks Ray if Hardy is getting another second chance. No, no, no. That would never happen in a million years. Oh, wait. That happens all the time. This guy gets tons of chances. Remember all of those free passes you and he got? That didn’t happen, because they don’t need them. But hey, as long as Hardy isn’t burning down building and is still selling “merch”, the rules don’t apply to him. Hardy is a disappointment, and was a big one when he lost fair and square to Ray at Lockdown. And in Corpus Christi, he’s going to be a disappointment yet again. Hardy’s had enough, and he knocks the two off the apron. The rest of A and E hit the ring and beat Hardy down. Ray goes to swing his chain at him, but Eric Young, Magnus, Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle run down and clear the ring. Ray calls for the gang to regroup and head back through the crowd. Hardy then grabs a mic and calls Anderson out for later tonight.

We see Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez in the back, complaining about Bad Influence costing them matches. Chavo then reminds us it’s OFN, son. Hernandez whistles at the camera. The two then make their way out in to the arena, and you can pretty much guess where this is going.

After the break, Chavo and Hernandez are in the ring. Chavo says that, last week, they was robbed. They were cheated out of the titles by Bad Influence. That’s cool though, because tonight is about payback, son. Do you know what tonight is? It’s OFN, holmes. They’ve talked to Hulk Hogan, and there’s a stipulation added to the match tonight: the winners will be the new #1 contenders for the tag titles. Bad Influence, you better be ready, because they’re going to kick your butts all over Jonesboro, essas. It’s bad enough that Hernandez can’t talk for sh*t. Replacing his former mouthpiece Anarquia (who also couldn’t talk for sh*t) with Chavo (who can’t talk for sh*t, either) is not helping the situation.

MATCH 1-Winners will be the new #1 contenders for the World Tag Team Championship: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez vs. Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian)
Chavo and Kaz start the match with a lock-up. Chavo breaks free, hits a hip toss and an armdrag. Hernandez tags in, and he bodyslams Chavo onto Kaz before hitting a Warrior Splash for 2. Kaz rakes the eyes and tags in Daniels. Daniels runs right into a bearhug suplex. Chavo back in, and Chavo hits a hilo as Daniels is stretched across Hernandez’s knees. He beats Daniels down in the corner. Daniels reverses a corner whip, but gets back dropped to the floor as he charges in, hitting the back of his head on the ring steps on the way down. That was a bad spot. Thank Chavo for being careless and not paying attention to where he is. Chavo goes for a dive, but Kaz low-bridges him from the other side before BI begins a double-team on Hernandez. Hernandez fights out of the corner and backflips back to the apron. Chavo is back in, and he hits a forearm on Daniels, and the faces hit a pair of Air Mexicos from the ramp into the ring. Chavo goes for the 3 Amigos, but Kaz blocks them and sends Chavo into the corner. The heels do an illegal double-team in the corner as the ref is distracted, and Daniels hits a shoulder stunner on Chavo as we go to commercials.

Back from the break, Kaz is the legal man for his team now. He mocks Chavo, but it sucks compared to how Austin Aries does it. Daniels tags in, and he hits a slingshot kneedrop. Kaz tags back in, and hits a slingshot legdrop for 2. Kaz has a top wristlock applied, but Chavo breaks free and hits a spinning headscissors. Daniels tags in, knocks Hernandez off the apron and goes for a double-team on Chavo, but Chavo ducks and Kaz collides with Daniels. Hernandez makes the hot tag and sends both members of BI into the corner for a double avalanche. He picks Daniels up on his shoulders and Chavo suplexes Kaz onto the other one, which Hernandez turns into a double over-the-shoulder backbreaker for 2. He suplexes Daniels back in from the apron, but Kaz trips him, and Daniels lands on top as Kaz holds onto Hernandez’s foot. The ref goes to count 3, but sees Kaz holding the foot and breaks the pin. Hernandez blocks a double clothesline and hits one of his own, sending Kaz to the floor. Daniels boots Hernandez in the corner and goes for the pin with his feet on the ropes, but the ref sees it once again. Daniels ducks a clothesline, but gets caught on a cross-body that Hernandez turns into a sit-out powerbomb. Chavo tags in and goes for the frog splash, but Kaz knocks him off the top rope. Daniels rolls him up with the tights for 2 as Kaz and Hernandez brawl on the outside, with Hernandez Pouncing Kaz off the ramp. Daniels goes for the Angel’s Wings, and Chavo blocks it. Hernandez hits him with a slingshot clothesline, and Chavo comes off the top with the frog splash for 3.

WINNERS
: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez.

Taryn Terrell comes out of the women’s locker room and tells AI she has a good idea for who she’s going to call out for OFN.

Taryn makes her way out to the ring, and really needs kneepads. She’s excited, as tonight marks her first official night as a Knockout, and Brooke Hogan told her she can get physical with whoever she wants, and it’s OFN. There’s one woman who has assaulted her, mocked her, and cost her her job as a referee. It’s no secret that woman is Gail Kim. Kim’s music hits, and she takes her sweet time coming out. Kim has had generic lyrics added to her music for no reason. She grabs a mic and tells Taryn that first off, this was a rookie mistake. Her first night here, she’s going to call out the greatest female wrestler that ever lived? Do you really want to embarrass yourself like that on national television? Besides, not only have you rubbed Kim the wrong way, but several other people as well. Particularly, one person who wanted to call Taryn out tonight, and she happens to be a former champion. Tara, why don’t you come out and help her take care of business tonight? Tara and Jesse make their way out now, and Tara talks trash to Taryn, which allows Kim to hit Taryn in the back of the head with the mic. The heels double-team Taryn until Velvet Sky’s music hits. She runs down to the ring and fights off the heels with clotheslines and kicks, knocking Tara to the floor and chasing Kim off. Glad we wasted time with this segment.

Sky and Taryn are now in the back, complaining about what just happened. Taryn runs off, as she sees Kim and Tara in the hallway. She attacks both of them until Sky holds her back.

We get a video for Gut Check, which returns next week. This segues into Jeremy Borash introducing next weeks contestants, that being Magno and former NWA World Champion and ROH booker “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce.

Sting is in the back, headed to Hulk’s office when a security guard stops him and tells him he can’t enter. Sting says he’ll have to try a different approach.

The camera is now in Hulk’s office, and he’s talking to Jeff Hardy. He says he’s already booked the rematch for Hardy/Ray, and that’s Hardy’s night for him to redeem everything Hulk has done wrong. For Hardy to step up like he did last week and that he’s destined to lead this company, he’s never seen anything like that before. And to try and make up for the mistake Hulk made with Ray, he’s sorry for that. Hardy says he lost the title and made mistakes, but he doesn’t live in the past; he lives for the future, and in Corpus Christi, he’s taking the belt back. Hulk then tells Hardy that he gets to make the stipulation for the match that night. We hear Sting’s music hit, and Hulk excuses himself, saying Sting isn’t supposed to be here.

Sting enters the ring and says Bully Ray swerved the whole world. He told Hulk he could trust Ray, and he was wrong. Now he needs to fix this problem, but the only way that can happen is if he’s on the same page as one person who he has tried to talk to, to no avail. Since it’s OFN, Hulk, he’s calling you out right now. Hulk makes his way out and circles Sting in the ring. Sting says he’s tried to apologize a few times. Right now, he’s going to try again, and if Hulk doesn’t accept, things could get a little nuclear here tonight. Hulk tells him he started out “soft-shoeing” the situation. He should have listened to his gut about Bully Ray, but everyone around him, including Dixie Carter, tried to convince him otherwise on numerous occasions. Because of Sting, he didn’t listen to his gut, he made a decision that messed up the whole company, brother, and it’s all because of Sting. Sting reminds him that HE made the decision, not Sting. Hulk needs to stop pointing fingers, and most of the weight rests on his shoulders. Hulk is the GM and he makes the decisions, so he needs to man up and take ownership. Hulk admits he’s accountable, and he made the final decision as the GM. Now, as GM, he’s tired of hearing about said decision. He’s tired of Sting being in his face, and now as GM, he’s telling Sting to get the hell out of his face, and get the hell out of his ring, brother. Sting turns sad pants at this before telling Hulk to make him. Security steps in between the two of them as Hulk rips his shirt up, showing his awesome flabby physique in the process. Security eventually gets Sting out of the ring and backs him up the ramp. Sting grabs Hulk’s crutch, which was on the ramp, but then drops it. Not sure what the point of that was. He heads to the back, security in tow.

During the break, Sting was escorted out of the building. As he was leaving, Matt Morgan appeared, clapped and called the situation another Hogan mistake.

Video recap of the AJ Styles storyline. This leads into James Storm entering the arena. Two weeks ago, AJ Styles made his big return. It wasn’t the return Storm was looking for. Then last week, he tried to talk to AJ, and AJ just walked off. Since tonight is OFN, Storm thought he would take the time to call out AJ Styles. AJ shows up somewhere in the crowd. Storm tells him he knows what he’s going through. He was in that spot last year, but he picked himself back up and got back in the ring to do what he does best, and that’s what AJ needs to do. Being a man from the south, he’s pretty sure AJ can relate to this: they can drink some beers and talk things out, or they can fight about it. Either way, Storm is good. The choice is AJ’s. Before AJ can make a choice, DOC, Wes Brisco and Garett Bischoff hit the ring and beat Storm down. As this is going on, AJ just leaves. Eric Young hits the ring to virtually no reaction and gets assaulted by DOC. Kurt Angle comes out next, and he clears the ring. He grabs a mic and wants to know where A and E are going as they try to leave. He sees three of them and three TNA guys, and it’s OFN. Angle then challenges A and E to a six-man.

Hey, we’re already over an hour into this show, and we finally get a second match. L. Ron Hubbard help me.

MATCH 2: Kurt Angle, James Storm and Eric Young vs. Garett Bischoff, Wes Brisco and DOC
Garett starts off by getting assaulted by Storm. Thesz Press into some punches by Storm, and he throws Garett to the corner for an uppercut. Garett reverses a corner whip, but gets hit with a forearm. EY tags in, and the faces hit a double back elbow for 2. EY goes to the ropes, but gets hit with a clothesline. Garett stomps EY and gets 2. Wes tags in and throws EY into the corner for some punches and a shoulderthrust. EY does the Flair Flop out of the corner, gets back in the ring and hits a flying forearm for 2. Angle tags in and beats Wes down in the corner before stomping him. Back elbow of the ropes by Angle, and he tags EY back in. EY throws Brisco to the corner for some stomps, then hits a bodyslam and a running elbow for 2. Garett hits EY from behind off the ropes, and Wes hits a clothesline and some stomps for 2. Garett tags in and punches EY before DOC tags himself in. Commercials.

Back from the break, Wes is legal once again, and he has a rear chinlock applied on EY. EY breaks the hold with a jawbreaker and tags in Storm. Storm hits a clothesline and a back body drop on Garett. Running neckbreaker on Wes, but DOC stops the momentum with a shot from behind. Wes stomps Storm down before tagging DOC in. DOC sends Storm into the corner and hits an avalanche before choking Storm over the middle rope. DOC goes for the pin of a Garett cheap shot, getting 2. DOC hits a butterfly suplex for another 2. Garett back in. Storm hits a few punches before running into a back elbow for 2. Garett hits some mounted punches before tagging in Wes, and they hit a double corner whip before Garett whips Storm into a Wes clothesline. Wes foot chokes Storm in the corner before hitting a suplex for 2. Rear chinlock is applied now, and Storm tries to fight out before being whipped down by the hair. DOC in, and he hits a series of body blows in the corner before knocking Storm down with a straight right. Storm blocks a corner charge twice, ducks a clothesline and hits a flying forearm. Angle tags in, and he suplexes everyone in the ring. Angle Slam on Wes as D’Lo Brown comes down through the crowd and throws a chain to Garett. Garett is wrapping the chain around his fist, but Angle ducks a shot and applies the ankle lock. Wes comes in from behind and schoolboys Angle with a handful of tights for 3.

WINNERS: Garett Bischoff, Wes Brisco and DOC.

In the A and E clubhouse, Bully Ray is toasting his guys for winning their match before telling Mr. Anderson he can’t believe Jeff Hardy’s balls for challenging Anderson tonight. He also can’t believe the balls on Hulk for Hardy letting him make the stipulation for their rematch. Anderson says that won’t happen because Hardy won’t make it to that match. He then begins hitting the table with a hammer and throwing furniture around. Devon says he feels sorry for Hardy.

Funny to see a commercial for WrestleMania come on during this show.

Another video for all of the stupid changes that have been made to the X-Division. I swear TNA is doing everything they can to destroy the division that put them on the map in the first place.

JB is in the back with Sonjay Dutt. He tells Dutt he has to win next week’s 3-way to get back into the title hunt. He will face Mason Andrews (Scorpio Sky) and-HOLY SH*T!-Petey Williams next week. I can’t tell you happy I am to see “The Canadian Destroyer/Maple Leaf Muscle” back on TV. Seriously. TNA blew it when they released him a few years ago. Big surprise, I know.

MATCH 3: Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson
Hardy begins slugging away at Anderson until Anderson rakes the eyes. He attacks Hardy before sending him into the corner. Hardy counters the whip with a headscissors, sending Anderson to the floor, where Hardy hits an apron clothesline. Hardy drags Anderson around the ring, where he slams him face-first into the apron. Anderson pulls Hardy stomach-first into the steps, stopping Hardy’s momentum. On the apron, Anderson chokes Hardy over the middle rope. He goes for a running clothesline, but Hardy counters into a back body drop, sending Anderson into the ring. Commercials.

We’re back, and Anderson is back in control with a wristlock. Hardy eventually fights out and sends Anderson into the corner. Anderson blocks a charge and hits an armbar takedown for 2. Anderson goes back to the armbar, but Hardy armdrags out after a few moments. They trade punches until Hardy comes off the ropes with a flying forearm. He hits a double legdrop and follows up with a seated dropkick for 2. Hardy sends Anderson to the corner, blocks a charge off a whip reversal, then hits a middle rope splash for 2. Anderson blocks an Irish whip with a rolling fireman’s slam for 2. Hardy counters a corner charge with a back elbow, but misses the Botch in the Wind, which allows Anderson to get in a pin for 2. Anderson goes for the arm again, and Hardy shoves him off, knocking him into referee Earl Hebner. As Hebner is down, Garett Bischoff comes down and gives Anderson a hammer. Hardy ducks a shot with the hammer and hits a sit-out Twist of Fate. He grabs the hammer and nails Anderson in the gut, causing the DQ.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Mr. Anderson. Hardy then knocks Garett off the apron with the hammer. As Anderson is crawling up the ramp, Hardy grabs a chair and cracks him over the back. Anderson is against the ropes, and Hardy sets up the chair on the ramp, hitting Poetry in Motion over the top rope and back into the ring. Hardy goes for a table now and sets it up in the ring. I’m guessing we’re now going to find out Hardy wants a TLC match. I’m pretty sure my suspicions are confirmed when Hardy brings a ladder into the ring and sets it up in the corner opposite the table. Anderson begins to fight back and goes for a suplex through the table, but Hardy blocks it and hits a Twist of Fate. He sets Anderson up on the table then climbs the ladder. Before he can dive, Bully Ray hits the ring, knocks Anderson off the table, then knocks the table over. He pulls Anderson to the floor and the two of them head through the crowd. Hardy grabs a mic and, sure enough, calls for Full Metal Mayhem, which is TNA’s name for the TLC match. I win.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

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About the author

Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

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