This week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown is headlined by a battle for former WWE world heavyweight champions as Batista takes on Sheamus.
MATCH 1: Alberto Del Rio vs. Intercontinental Champion Big E (non-title)
A cut-away promo from Big E says he hasn’t seen this much competition for a title in years. At Extreme Rules, one man will have the opportunity to be dropped by the Big Ending. The two lock up, and E backs ADR into the corner. ADR escapes, then kicks E in the leg before nailing some rights to the head. They crisscross, E ducks a clothesline and hits a shoulder for 1. E goes for a backbreaker, but ADR frees himself with rights to the head before hitting a step-up enziguri for 2. ADR stomps him down, then applies a rear chinlock. E gets to his feet and backs ADR into the corner, but then runs into a pair of boots. ADR hits a running kick to the ribs for 2, then assaults E in the corner. He goes for a charge, but E sidesteps him, sending him shoulder-first into the post. E hits a pair of clotheslines, ducks one and hits a belly-to-belly suplex. He goes for the Warrior Splash, but ADR, gets his knees up. E rolls to the floor as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, both men are on the outside. ADR rolls in first, and E follows. ADR sends him shoulder-first into the post this time, then plants him with a DDT for 2. ADR goes up top, but E catches him mid-air before hitting a backbreaker. E ducks a clothesline and hits a pancake. The Warrior Splash connects on the second try, and now he signals for the Big Ending. ADR escapes and hits a Backstabber for 2. ADR signals for the rolling jujigatame and locks it in. E locks his hands together to prevent it from being fully locked, and manages to crawl to the ropes. ADR goes to break the hold at 4, but holds on 1 second too long, resulting in a DQ.
Triple H comes out and says one of his jobs as COO is finding the greatest talent from around the globe, giving them a platform and an opportunity before watching them succeed. He likes seeing talent succeed, and at the top of the list of guys he’s proud of are the Shield. They are three of the most talented guys he’s seen in years, so he gave them power. Maybe he gave them too much power. When you have power, eventually you try to see how far it can take you on your own. When you set out on a journey to find that line in the sand, don’t cross the line. Two weeks ago, the Shield crossed that line and on Monday night, they paid the price. We then see what happened to the Shield on RAW. Back to the arena, Trips says the Shield found humility. They were humbled at Evolution’s feet. And as he told Michael Cole on Wednesday, they could move past this. He offered an opportunity to the Shield to get past this. All they have to do is grovel at Trips’ feet and beg for forgiveness. Instead, Trips received silence, save for a message from Roman Reigns that said, “Kings do not win wars; soldiers do.” While that might sound like a neat tagline for a movie, it’s not reality. In reality, soldiers are the currency in which empires are bought and sold. The Shield no longer have value. While it pains him to destroy what he created, at Extreme Rules, he’ll do just that. At Extreme Rules, the Shield will face Batista, Randy Orton and Trips himself. For the first time in 10 years, Evolution returns. Evolution returns to show the world what true destruction is. They return to show the Shield what true power really is. In life, you either adapt or perish. THAT is Evolution.
Paul Heyman is in the ring. He introduces himself as the advocate for the fastest-rising star in WWE, the “King of Swing”, the “Swiss Superman” Cesaro, and he’s also the one behind 1 in 21-1; he’s the advocate for the man who conquered the Streak, Brock Lesnar. You want to boo something, boo this: Lesnar conquered the Streak. He repeats this phrase a few times, and this why he’s a genius: He’s saying mostly nothing, and the crowd is absolutely furious with him. Now that he’s vented, he feels better. He’s glad he had this moment to shed the light of brilliance on the darkness of this Tennessee ignorance, and if he could just take one more second of time, he has something personal from the bottom of his heart to say…His client, Brock Lesnar, conquered the Streak.
MATCH 2: WWE Divas Champion Paige vs. Aksana
Tamina Snuka gets a cut-away promo. She says that her job was always to keep the belt around someone’s else. At Extreme Rules, the belt will be around the waist of someone who deserves it, by any means necessary. Before the bell rings, Aksana says everyone is jealous of Paige, and it’s because they’re insecure. Paige got lucky when she won the title, and tonight, the luck runs out. Aksana then nails Paige before the bell before grinding her face across the top rope. The ref checks on Paige to see if she’s okay, then rings the bell. Aksana hits a kick and a snap suplex before applying a waistlock. Paige backs her into the corner before hitting a series of back elbows to the head. She pulls Aksana through the ropes and hits a series of kneelifts on the apron. On the floor, Aksana recovers and hits a clothesline. Paige gets rolled back in the ring, and Aksana hits her with a standing spinebuster. Paige gets her face slammed into the mat, then receives an elbow to the back for 2. Aksana applies a rear chinlock with her knee in Paige’s back. Paige tries to get to her feet, and Aksana snaps her back down by the hair. Aksana crawls around her before kicking her in the face for 2. Aksana hits a couple more kicks to the gut before both women simultaneously go for cross-bodies off the ropes. Aksana is up first, and she slaps Paige. Paige returns the favor, hits a kneelift and a pair of short-arm clotheslines. Aksana shoves her off, and Paige nails her with a dropkick. Paige applies the Scorpion Crosslock, and Aksana taps out.
WINNER: Paige. LOVE that submission hold. Haven’t really seen anyone do it since Bull Nakano, and Paige damn near does it just as well.
Renee Young is standing by with Sheamus. She congratulates him on his advancement in the IC title tournment, then mentions he faces Batista tonight in a rematch from 3 weeks ago, where Batista got himself intentionally disqualified. Sheamus says that, rather than fight like a man, Batista took the easy way out. That won’t give Batista an edge, as it’s about who hits the the longest, not the hardest. Tonight, Batista can hit him with everything in his arsenal, and it won’t matter. Last time, Batista got all his shots in. Tonight, it’s his turn, fella.
MATCH 3: El Torito (w/Los Matadores) vs. Hornswoggle (w/Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre)
I’m curious as to why 3MB is still doing the band gimmick when they just dress like generic create-a-wrestlers now? The two go head-to-head, and Hornswoggle shoves Torito back. Torito reciprocates, and now the two lock up. Hornswoggle shoves Torito off, and Torito comes back with a waistlock. He turns it into a side headlock, then shoulders Hornswoggle off the ropes. They crisscross until Torito snaps off a hurricanrana. He follows up with a dropkick, and Hornswoggle bails to the apron. He manages to shoulder Torito through the middle and bottom ropes, then slams Torito’s face into the middle buckle. Hornswoggle goes to the bottom rope and hits a Banzai Drop. Torito counters into a sunset flip for 2. Hornswoggle comes back with a clothesline, then hits a jumping splash for 2. Hornswoggle applies a rear chinlock, but Torito elbows out. Hornswoggle clubs him across the back of the head, then hits a bodyslam. He walks across Torito’s back, then taunts Los Matadores, which allows Torito to schoolboy him for 2. Hornswoggle hits a kneelift and sends Torito into the corner. Torito avoids a charge, then gores Hornswoggle in the ass. He follows up with a bronco buster, then drags Hornswoggle to the middle of the ring for a double-jump moonsault, which is good for 3.
WINNER: El Torito.
Bad News Barrett is on his podium and asks for some decorum for what we just witnessed, the biggest little match in WWE history. However, he’s got some bad news. The fact that this crowd applauded that atrocity shows their low standards, and the entire world now knows just how small their brains are. Thank you very much!
MATCH 4: R-Truth (w/Xavier Woods) vs. Alexander Rusev (w/Lana)
Thus far, Rusev is only slightly more impressive than Sylvester Terkay. Remember him? Yeah, didn’t think so. Truth ducks a lock-up attempt and hits a few kicks, followed by some punches. He avoids a corner whip, ducks a clothesline and hits a jumping side kick. He nails a pair of boots in the corner and hits a seated dropkick from the middle rope for 2. Truth goes for Lil’ Jimmy, but Rusev catches him, drops him, then nails him with a kick. Rusev hits a series of kneelifts in the corner, then throws him over his shoulders for a modified Samoan drop. Lana tells him to crush Truth. After a few punches by Truth, Rusev catches him with a spinning side slam and applies the Accolade for the submission win.
WINNER: Alexander Rusev. The camel clutch has become such a weak finisher at this point, regardless of who applies it. I’m not buying Rusev’s version as devastating, regardless of how WWE is selling it. Rusev continues the attack until Woods hits the ring and nails him with a forearm. Rusev shakes it off and hits a standing avalanche. Lana once again orders him to crush, and he hits a running back elbow in the corner before throwing Woods to the floor.
We get a video for Masked Kane, because this gimmick really needed a comeback. Again.
We see Santino Marella and Emma heading out towards the ring, with Emma smacking Santino on the ass.
MATCH 5: Fandango (w/Layla) vs. Santino Marella (w/Emma)
A couple more matches, and Fandango/Santino will break the Cena/Orton record for “Most Matches Long After the Point the Feud Has Run It’s Course”. Fandango nails a punch to the head after a weak sweep attempt by Santino. Fandango hits a few more, then sends Santino into the ropes. Santino reverses and does the splits too early, allowing Fandango to boot him in the head for 2. Fandango hits a suplex, then goes outside for a slingshot legdrop, which misses. Santino ducks a clothesline, hits a hiptoss and connects with the saluting headbutt. He goes for the Cobra, but Layla grabs the sock again. Emma takes her out from behind. Santino blocks a roll-up attempt by Fandango, then lands a sunset flip for 3.
WINNER: Santino Marella.
Another Adam Rose video. I still don’t care.
MATCH 6: Sheamus vs. Batista
Batista would be wise to wear a sports bra to wrestle in. Plus, it would compliment his already super-douchetastic ring gear. Sheamus goes right after Batista with rights. Batista rolls to the floor and drags Sheamus with him, slamming him into the barricade. Sheamus gets his face slammed into the apron before being rolled back in. Batista gets back in, and Sheamus nails him with a clothesline. Back up, Sheamus throws Batista to the corner. Batista comes back with a kick and a corner clothesline. Sheamus kicks him off a back-body drop attempt and a clothesline gets 2. Sheamus hits a snapmare and drives a knee into his back before applying a chinlock/armbar combo. Batista gets a rope break and rolls to the apron. Sheamus goes for the 10 Beats of the Bodhran, but only gets about four shots in before Batista counters with a hotshot. As he tries to get back in, Sheamus knocks him to the floor with a running knee. Commercials.
Back from the break, Sheamus sends Batista hard into the corner, and Batista rolls outside to the ring steps. Sheamus heads out as well, and Batista slams him face-first into the steps before kicking them into him. Sheamus gets thrown into the barricade, then rolled onto the ring apron, where Batista nails an elbow. Batista rolls in to break the count, then rolls back out for another elbow. Back in the ring, Sheamus fights Batista off from the knees and sends him to the corner. Sheamus charges in, but Batista nails him with a dropkick to the knee, sending him face-first into the middle buckle. Batista sends him shoulder-first into the ring post, and Sheamus falls to the floor. Batista rolls him to the apron, climbs back in and catapults Sheamus under the bottom rope for 2. Batista sets up the Batista Bomb, but Sheamus escapse and throws Batista to the floor. Batista climbs back in and sends Sheamus in shoulder-first once more. Sheamus puts on the breaks, so Batista tries again, only to have Sheamus reverse it. Sheamus ducks a clothesline and hits a pair of Irish Hammers. Batista blocks a shoulder thrust with a kick and goes for the Batista Bomb. Sheamus shoves him back into the corner, hits a running kneelift and a corner high knee that sends him to the apron, where he connects with the 10 Beats of the Bodhran. Sheamus hits a slingshot Battering Ram back into the ring for 2, then goes for the rolling fireman’s carry. Batista escapes, but then gets caught with the Irish Curse for 2. Sheamus looks for the Irish Clover-Leaf, but Batista manages to get to the ropes. He hits a back elbow out of the corner, but then runs into a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. Sheamus signals for the Brogue Kick, but Batista rolls to the floor. Sheamus follows him and nails a forearm to the back before rolling Batista back in. Batista ducks a second Brogue Kick and hits a spear off the ropes for 2. He signals for the Batista Bomb yet again, but Sheamus counters with a back-body drop. He goes up for the Battering Ram, but Batista shoves him crotch-first onto the top rope. Batista nails a forearm to the back of the head before finally connecting with the Batista Bomb for 3.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below: