The WWE rewarded its free subscribers with one of the most memorable show finishes in years. The Survivor Series 2014 delivered with an outstanding main-event and one of the biggest debuts in years. Sting is finally in and the questions surrounding his WrestleMania plans have been answered.
This one-match, one-angle show delivered a memorable evening with fans coming away counting down the hours until RAW. The long road to WrestleMania 31 became clearer at Survivor Series and while there are still plenty of questions, we are finally starting to get some pieces of the Mania puzzle. I don’t think there has been a show this memorable since WrestleMania and it will be exciting to see where things go from here starting tomorrow night.
The show opened up with Vince McMahon dropping a “bombshell.” McMahon told Triple H and Stephanie McMahon that if their team lost, not only would they be out of power, but only one man could bring them back. Vince told them that man was John Cena. Cena told them that when his team wins they will never be in power again. Hunter did not look happy at all.
The Authority are out! Team Cena survived to throw the Authority out of power. This was a real hot match and far exceeded most expectations fans had going into the event. The match went close to an hour which probably hasn’t happened in a WWE main-event in years. The match started with The Big Show eliminating Mark Henry within seconds with a knockout punch. The crowd went nuts. They set up a big spot early for Luke Harper and Erick Rowan to lock up but Harper tagged right out. Ryback and Rusev set up a big lockup for Rusev’s first appearance in the match. The fans really got behind Ryback when he clotheslined Rusev. The match broke out into a big brawl at this point. The fans were great and really made this match seem like something special. Rusev eliminated Ryback to even up the sides. Rollins took a backdrop over the top rope onto about eight guys. Rusev dumped Ziggler onto the rest of the pile. Rusev missed a big dive onto Dolph and went through the announcer’s table. Rusev was counted out after missing the dive as Ziggler rolled back into the ring to make the count. Rowan and Harper finally got into it after about thirty minutes. Kane broke it up after Rowan hit a spin kick on Harper. Harper hit a clothesline on Rowan after Rollins distracted Harper and pinned him. The Big Show turned on John Cena (again) and KO’d him setting him up for the pin. Seth Rollins pinned him and eliminated the captain. The Big Show walked out at that point leaving Dolph Ziggler to fight Kane, Rollins, and Harper all by himself. Ziggler fought back to eliminate Kane to take it down to a 2 on 1 match. Ziggler eliminated Harper bringing it down to Rollins and Ziggler. Ziggler really made himself a star tonight. Ziggler kept fighting back for near falls on Rollins, including a close small package and a DDT. Ziggler hit the Zig Zag and was about to get the win before Triple H pulled the referee out of the ring. Ziggler hit another one but there was no referee to count. Triple H attacked the next referee that came out and finally took his jacket off. Hunter began pounding on Ziggler. Hunter hit the pedigree on Ziggler. The lights went out and Sting walked out on the ramp (with some corny music unfortunately). Hunter just stared. The fans loved it and gave him the reaction you’d expect. Sting took out referee Scott Armstrong. Sting and Hunter squared off. The fans all chanted “Sting” and “This is awesome!” Sting laid Hunter out with a Scorpion Death Drop. Sting then put Ziggler on top of Rollins and walked out. Ziggler got the three-count and the win for Team Cena and what has to be one of the most exciting WWE matches of 2014. Michael Cole called it the most historic moment in Survivor Series history (hey remember that 1997 match. The Authority is done…well at least until tomorrow night. Cena came out to congratulate Ziggler at the end. Stephanie and Triple H sat in the ring as the crowd chanted “Goodbye.”
This is the kind of cliffhanger ending fans have been waiting to see for months on WWE special events. I don’t think it’s a big secret to say that the WWE has been somewhat stale over the last several months. Sting’s debut, Dolph with a push, and the Authority seemingly out of power for the first time in over a year will give the WWE the fresh programming it desperately needed. The show ended with the fans yelling “You got fired” and Stephanie having a temper tantrum.
I think it is safe to say that we know our WrestleMania direction. It looks like it will be Sting vs. Triple H at Mania which is what it is. I am sure it will be a decent match and it will definitely be hot, but it is hardly the classic Undertaker match fans hoped to see Sting get at Mania. Regardless, you have Sting on Mania and the fans have wanted it for years. It could still happen with Sting vs. Hunter at the Rumble but I wouldn’t bank on it.
Bray Wyatt defeated Dean Ambrose by disqualification. Wyatt dared Ambrose to hit him with a chair and he did. Ambrose was disqualified for it. Ambrose proceeded to beat the hell out of Wyatt, including dropping a flying elbow onto Wyatt through a table and giving him a DDT on a chair. Ambrose left him laid out in a pile of hardcore trash from tables to chairs. Ambrose climbed a ladder and stood over Wyatt as his music played. They announced a TLC rematch at TLC in three weeks.
I have said it before and I’ll say it again. Ambrose should be the focus of the company right now. He has a unique charisma to himself that is second only to Brock Lesnar. The focus will be on Roman Reigns in a few weeks and I think that is a big mistake. This guy is the future and he should be groomed for the WrestleMania moment, not Reigns or anyone else in my opinion.
Another piece of news coming out of the show is that live on the WWE Network Monday night following RAW will be a podcast with Steve Austin. Austin will be hosting the podcast and his guest will be Vince McMahon. I think it’s long overdue that the WWE get the Stone Cold podcast on the WWE Network. I love the ingenuity here of debuting it with Vince McMahon. It should be a great show.
Brie Bella seemingly turned heel and the rumors about AJ Lee leaving after Survivor Series appear to be true (although the latest reports indicate she’s staying). Nikki Bella defeated AJ to win the WWE Divas title in about a minute. Brie wound up kissing AJ which distracted her enough for Nikki to swoop in, scoop her up for the Rack Attack and pin her for the title. Brie had a big smile on her face and was celebrating with Nikki. They referenced AJ doing the same thing to Daniel Bryan during his match with Sheamus a couple of years ago at WrestleMania so maybe Nikki is a face? Who the hell knows! Hey, thank goodness that terrible angle is over but this turn made no sense. It also won’t do Daniel Bryan much good when he returns.
Another piece of news coming out of the show is that live on the WWE Network December 1 following RAW will be a podcast with Steve Austin. Austin will be hosting the podcast and his guest will be Vince McMahon. I think it’s long overdue that the WWE get the Stone Cold podcast on the WWE Network. I love the ingenuity here of debuting it with Vince McMahon. It should be a great show. How coincidental that the podcast airs on December 1, the day after all of the free memberships end.
Full WWE Survivor Series 2014 results and winners…
Team Cena (John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, Big Show, Erick Rowan and Ryback) defeated Team Authority (Seth Rollins, Kane, Mark Henry, Rusev and Luke Harper) in a traditional Survivor Series elimination tag team match; if Team Authority loses, they will no longer be in power. If Team Cena loses, all team members will be fired from WWE.
Nikki Bella defeated AJ for the WWE Divas Championship
Adam Rose and the Bunny defeated Titus O’Neil and Heath Slater
Bray Wyatt defeated Dean Ambrose via DQ
The Miz and Damien Mizdow defeated Gold and Stardust (c) vs. The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso) vs. Los Matadores (Diego and Fernando) in a Fatal 4-Way tag team match to win the WWE Tag Team Championship
Alicia Fox, Emma, Naomi and Natalya defeated Paige, Cameron, Layla and Summer Rae in a Divas Traditional Survivor Series elimination tag team match
Jack Swagger defeated Cesaro
Fandango defeated Justin Gabriel
The Big Show turned yet once again at Survivor Series, taking out captain John Cena and aligning with the Authority. A look back at Show’s untrustworthy history tells you that Cena and every one on his team should have expected it. You can’t trust the Big Show!
The turns of The Big Show have become something of a running joke among longtime WWE fans. One week he is on the side of good fighting evil and the next he is aligned with the corporation out to destroy John Cena. You never know which Big Show you are going to get which is why I thought it would be fun with the help of Google and Wikiepedia to look back on all of The Big Show’s turn during his WWE career.
All in all I counted over 20 turns here although to be fair some of them weren’t full-fledged turns yet for the sake of this list they are being counted. 21 turns since 1999 is amazing although after RAW I’d have to guess that Kane would be honing in on this record. Let’s have some fun and relive the roller coaster ride of The Big Show’s emotions.
– A few months after “Big Nasty” entered the WWE he wound up in a feud with Mick Foley. Following the feud Nasty KO’d Vince McMahon and joined the Union to fight the Corporation.
– Show winds up turning heel again four months later and forms a tag team with The Undertaker feuding with Kane and X-Pac
– Less than three months later Show turns face during the infamous “Big Show Father is Dead” storyline and feuds with Prince Albert and the Big Bossman.
– Three months after Show turns face he turns heel again at the Royal Rumble where he wound up getting into it with The Rock. Show was eliminated by The Rock in the Rumble which started a feud between the two.
– Immediately after WrestleMania Show starts doing those goofy impersonations of other wrestlers (remember the Showster?) which of course turned him babyface. He wound up feuding with Shane McMahon.
– Two months after losing to Shane at Judgment Day Show turned heel again. Show acted as if he was going to go after Shane McMahon but instead wound up attacking The Undertaker. Show and Shane formed “The Conspiracy” with Chris Benoit, Kurt Angle, and Edge and Christian.
– Show turns babyface again, pledging loyalty to the WWE throughout the Invasion angle and feuded specifically with Shane once again. He also formed the Show Gunns with Billy Gunn.
– Show turns heel again right after WrestleMania X-8. Show attacks Steve Austin and joins (or re-joins) the n.W.o.
– The Big Show returns after a lengthy injury-related absence and turns babyface once again after choosing to wrestle Kurt Angle at No Mercy 2004.
– The Big Show is drafted over to ECW and becomes the top heel in the company. Show attacks Tajiri, Super Crazy, and the F.B.I. at One Night Stand and winds up winning the title after Paul Heyman turns on Rob Van Dam.
– The Big Show seemingly turned babyface when a slimmer Show returned at No Way Out in 2008 only to turn back heel immediately by attacking Rey Mysterio thus turning twice in one night.
– Show winds up turning babyface over the course of the next few weeks when WWE fans reject Floyd Mayweather Jr. as the babyface in their feud. Show becomes something of a hero representing the WWE. Show officially turns babyface right after WrestleMania and begins feuding with the Great Khali.
– Show goes heel again in a few months after aligning himself with Vickie Guerrero in her feud against The Undertaker. Show attacked Undertaker at Unforgiven and began interfering in his matches.
– Show teases another babyface turn when he winds up with a spot on Team RAW. Show actually winds up turning on Team RAW to reveal he was a SmackDown guy all along. So in a sense he never really turned since he was a heel in the place.
– In April 2010 The Big Show KO’s The Miz after they lost the unified tag team championship which immediately turns him babyface (of course!)
– The Big Show returns after a lengthy absence in May 2012 with an “ironclad” contract as the henchmen of John Laurinaitis and begins a feud with John Cena.
– In March 2013 The Big Show helps Randy Orton and Sheamus against The Shield turning him somewhat babyface although this was never a full-fledged turn.
- Show “turns heel” (if you consider his alliance with Sheamus and Orton an turn) and KO’s Orton and Sheamus after losing a six-man tag team match to The Shield at WrestleMania 29. Show was mad nobody tagged him in which if you think about it actually makes him a bit of a babyface.
– Show returns from another lengthy absence and continues his feud with The Shield and thus makes a full-fledged babyface turn aligning with Mark Henry and RVD. Show and Henry were scheduled to have a long run as a team here until Henry got hurt.
– Show turned twice in one night once again in October when he KO’s Daniel Bryan at Battleground only to turn around and turn babyface once again by KO’ing Randy Orton.
In other words don’t trust this man WWE Universe! He’ll be with Steph and Triple H before you know it.
Big Show officially made his babyface turn by teaming with Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. The Shield at WrestleMania 29.
Update: The Big Show turns on Team Cena at the Survivor Series, KO’ing Cena and walking off of the team.
After a quarter century-plus of WWE Survivor Series matches, wherein teams of 4, 5, or even 10, try to outdo one another in the name of survival bragging rights, certain teams have stood out above the fray as being the most powerful and memorable. Here’s 20 of the all-time greats, with no real criteria in place, except the gut feeling of “how awesome were they?”
20. Owen Hart’s Team (1996)
Members: Owen Hart, British Bulldog, The New Rockers
Result: Lost (Opposing Survivors: Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon)
Why They Were Great: For the most part, this was just a hastily thrown together team that had but one purpose: make Furnas and Lafon look like the world-beaters they could be.
But as far as “workrate” battles go, Hart, Bulldog, and Leif Cassidy (Marty Jannetty was gone early) made proficient tackling dummies for Furnas’ suplexes and Lafon’s strikes. Cassidy was floored by an insane inverted superplex from the Frenchman, and Furnas nearly decapitated Owen with a throwing German suplex, giving two new faces the best WWE debut you could ask for.
19. The Royals (1995)
Members: King Mabel, Jerry Lawler, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, and Isaac Yankem DDS
Result: Lost (Opposing Survivors: The Undertaker, Fatu, Savio Vega, Henry Godwinn)
Why They Were Great: Another “patsy” team whose only objective was to get killed by The Undertaker one by one until Mabel, who crushed The Dead Man’s eye socket weeks earlier, ran away in terror after becoming his team’s last hope.
What was most impressive of this team was its lasting power. In the Attitude Era, Helmsley and Yankem would be rechristened Triple H and Kane, and become among the era’s biggest stars. Lawler and Mabel (then Viscera) would stick around as well. Amazingly, all four men would be in WWE in 2008, the year of Big Vis’ final release. Perhaps no other team has had the longevity of the Royals.
18. Team Miz (2009)
Members: The Miz, Sheamus, Drew McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger
Result: Won (Survivors: Miz, Sheamus, McIntyre)
Why They Were Great: I admit to being a fan of teams that feature a host of breakout stars before they broke out; the ‘before they were stars’ squads. Miz’s team was comprised of himself (then-United States Champion), and four men who, outside of some developmental false starts, had really all debuted in the past year.
Miz, Sheamus, Swagger, and Ziggler would all be World Champions within the next year and a half (Sheamus the following month), while McIntyre would go on to become Intercontinental Champion for over five months. The team they beat was, appropriately, built from stars that had seen good runs already (John Morrison, Matt Hardy, Finlay, Shelton Benjamin, and Evan Bourne), so “putting over” the new class made sense.
17. The Heenan Family (1989)
Members: Andre the Giant, Bobby Heenan, Haku, Arn Anderson
Result: Lost (Opposing Survivor: The Ultimate Warrior)
Why They Were Great: Perhaps no other team would be as deserving as the moniker of Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Team in the World. There isn’t a single boring personality on display here; no wasted space.
If the four men were to collectively write a book about their life’s experiences, what would be the best section: Andre’s drinking stories and Hollywood run-ins, Arn’s days of partying with the Horsemen and other wild characters in Atlanta, Haku’s tales of maiming idiots who dare test his toughness, or Heenan’s take on the sport, laced with his one-of-a-kind spit-take-inducing humor?
16. Hardy Boyz/Dudley Boyz (2000)
Members: Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Bubba Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley
Result: Won (Sole Survivor: Jeff Hardy)
Why They Were Great: WWE had two undeniably-great tag team runs: the latter half of the 1980s, and the early 2000s. In the second example, the Hardyz and the Dudleyz represented two-thirds of the division’s most renowned pairings, thanks to their participation in several breakthrough ladder, table, and ladder/table/chair matches.
At this respective ‘peak’ of their tag team careers, the quartet faced off with the other representative of their pantheon, Edge and Christian, as well as Right to Censor members Bull Buchanan and The Goodfather. The current TNA World Champion found himself remaining with Christian and Goodfather, overcoming interference from Val Venis to eliminate the former pimp, and survived.
15. The Shield/Real Americans
Members: Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Antonio Cesaro, Jack Swagger
Result: Won (Sole Survivor: Reigns)
Why They Were Great: Never before had one Survivor Series team been so rooted in the cyber-savvy indy scene, with Ring of Honor and Combat Zone Wrestling well-represented. The rec-center crowd could beam proudly, seeing Tyler Black, Jon Moxley, and Claudio Castagnoli plugged into classic WWE fare, while CM Punk and The American Dragon tagged elsewhere on the card. Makes Kevin Steen’s signing this year less surprising.
The match was more about putting over the killer edge of Reigns, and did a finer job of making the Shield’s muscle into a superhero as a heel than anything they’ve done since the group’s June 2014 split. Still, all three Shield members are treated like a big deal, all rightfully so, no matter how you feel about Reigns’ rocking chair-wooden dialogue. It’s essentially a dream team for the cool-heel lover.
14. Team Austin (2003)
Members: Shawn Michaels, Rob Van Dam, Booker T, The Dudley Boyz
Result: Lost (Opposing Survivor: Randy Orton)
Why They Were Great: Had this team existed in 1998, its cultural impact would have been even greater than it is here. Between Attitude pioneer Michaels, crowd-favorite Booker, and ECW cornerstones RVD and the Dudleyz, Stone Cold Steve Austin had five fine representatives for an elimination match with high stakes.
In what would end up being, in this author’s opinion, the greatest elimination match in Survivor Series history, Austin’s group waged war with a fivesome selected by Eric Bischoff. In the end, a hopelessly-bloody Michaels eliminated Christian and Chris Jericho, and then nearly ousted Orton before Batista (not in the match) illegally attacked him. Orton scored the pin, and Austin, as a result, was fired (albeit temporarily).
13. Team SmackDown (2005)
Members: Batista, Rey Mysterio, JBL, Randy Orton, Bobby Lashley
Result: Won (Sole Survivor: Orton)
Why They Were Great: It was the only elimination match at the underrated 2005 event, but it was one of the most fun ones of its kind. Smackdown’s group faced a team of five representing Raw; one which had a little less star power (Shawn Michaels, Big Show, Kane….then Carlito and Chris Masters). The end result was a wildly fun match, where even the sniping commentary between the two tables helped steal the show.
As for SmackDown’s team, talk about some impressive star power. Raw had the disadvantage of some of its stars taking part in other matches (John Cena vs. Kurt Angle, Triple H vs. Ric Flair), so Smackdown had the quality advantage. Batista was World Champion at the time, JBL and Orton were part of the main event scene, and Mysterio, after Eddie Guerrero’s passing, was on the verge of being a main eventer himself.
12. The Radicalz (2000)
Members: Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero, Perry Saturn
Result: Won (Survivors: Benoit, Saturn)
Why They Were Great: The foursome represented one particularly rusty nail pounded into the coffin of WCW. Their collective release from the company 10 months earlier not only cost WCW its backbone of hard work and crisp wrestling, but added that backbone of hard work and crisp wrestling to WWE, fortifying perhaps their most impressive roster ever.
Although the fate of the group as a whole has changed the opinions of certain members (only Malenko has made it largely unscathed), in their collective prime, The Radicalz represented wrestling’s in-ring elite. WWE made them even better by shading them in with personality, whether it was Benoit as a ruthless competitor, Guerrero as a comical womanizer, or Malenko as a stoic ladies man. As for Saturn, well…what do you know about Moppy?
11. Team Piper (1991)
Members: Rowdy Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Virgil
Result: Lost (Opposing Survivor: Ric Flair)
Why They Were Great: Admittedly, the quality of Survivor Series had dipped from previous years, as evidenced by a putrid contest between teams captained by Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Colonel Mustafa, as well as a drag-asstic four-team match notable only for planting the seed of Shawn Michaels’ heel turn. This match, however, saved the show, along with Undertaker’s first World Title win.
The team, Virgil included, largely represented WWE’s babyface upper midcard of the time period, as Bret was Intercontinental Champion, Bulldog was a capable competitor, Virgil had his best run, and Piper always had that star quality. Even their opponents were a damn fine team, making them entry 11b on this list: Ric Flair, Ted Dibiase, The Mountie, and The Warlord. Shame the match ended with a cheap disqualification.
10. The Teamsters (1994)
Members: Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jeff Jarrett
Result: Lost (Opposing Survivor: Razor Ramon)
Why They Were Great: Speaking of cheap endings, after Ramon’s four partners were eliminated by Diesel, “The Bad Guy” became the first wrestler to be his team’s sole survivor without eliminating a single opponent. That’s because a miscue between Michaels and Diesel led to all five villains being counted out in the most unique Survivor finish to date.
But what a roster The Teamsters boasted. Michaels and Diesel were then-Tag Team Champions, and just months away from co-headlining WrestleMania against each other. Owen was wrapping up a feud with brother Bret, and Jarrett was on his way to becoming Intercontinental Champion. One has to wonder where the “Teamsters” name came from. It wasn’t as if they were a union threatening to shirk their duties or anything.
9. The Alliance (2001)
Members: Stone Cold Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Shane McMahon
Result: Lost (Opposing Survivor: The Rock)
Why They Were Great: Despite representing a storyline that would infuriate smarks and marks alike with its dullness and lack of drama, given its magnitude, the WCW/ECW hybrid group was reduced to basically Booker and Van Dam in starring roles, with the infusion of established WWE icons that “jumped ship”, thus killing the specialness of the invasion.
But still, on paper, The Alliance was very well represented. Austin was WWE Champion, Angle was his fiercest rival at the time (revealed to be a mole at the match’s conclusion), Booker and RVD saw significant time on Raw and Smackdown as the standouts of the 2001 acquisitions, and even Shane had credibility as a bump machine that freely got his ass whipped against the likes of Angle and Rock that year.
8. Team Powers of Pain (1988)
Members: Powers of Pain, Hart Foundation, Rockers, British Bulldogs, Young Stallions
Result: Won (Survivors: Powers of Pain)
Why They Were Great: Here’s a good argument for the proliferation of tag teams and a solid division: in 1988, there were ten tag teams that competed in this one match, and none of them had names like “(Blank) and (Blank)”. They were all legit duos, many of them over with the crowd, but most importantly, they ended up creating stars.
On this one team, you had Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, and Davey Boy Smith, who would all help carry the company during its darkest times in the mid-90s. Out of these tandems came the stars of the future, and working tags only made them better rounded performers. Factor in Dynamite Kid and Marty Jannetty, and that’s some pretty impressive technicians on one team.
7. Edge and Christian/The Hardy Boyz (1999)
Members: Edge, Christian, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy
Result: Lost (Opposing Survivor: Hardcore Holly)
Why They Were Great: As I said in the previous example, tag teams round out performers and create better wrestlers out of them. You’ll find no better example of this in the Attitude Era and beyond than the men who made the tag team ladder match famous. All four men would go on to hold some form of a World Title, or top brand title, in their careers.
Coming together out of respect, this foursome absolutely made themselves with both their daredevil antics, and their youthful vibrance. Edge and Christian would turn heel shortly thereafter, and complete their personas with their self-deluded “gnarly dude” act, while the Hardyz would ride their life-on-the-edge bend to equal stardom.
6. Team DX (2006)
Members: Shawn Michaels, Triple H, CM Punk, The Hardy Boyz
Result: Won (Entire Team Survived)
Why They Were Great: If I could have the collective sum of all five men’s merchandise sales throughout their five WWE careers, I’d never have to work again. Also, I could buy TNA and make Repo Man champion, just to amuse myself. Talk about your collection of diverse, while altogether similar talent that each won over scores of fans.
Even WWE must’ve known the lure of Punk and the Hardyz; usually Shawn and Hunter would’ve remained standing on their own against Edge and Randy Orton’s team. Yet there’s the Straight Edge Superstar and Cameron, NC’s most famous brothers, helping rid Gregory Helms and Johnny Nitro. Shawn Michaels’ elimination of Mike Knox ranks as the funniest moment in the history of the event.
5: The All-Americans (1993)
Members: Lex Luger, The Undertaker, Steiner Brothers
Result: Won (Sole Survivor: Luger)
Why They Were Great: The team reads like the upper midcard of a WCW show in early 1990, but things changed with the former (and future) Turner talents under WWE’s banner. To battle a cliched team of evil foreigners (from horrid places like Japan, Canada, Finland, and Hawaii), Luger amassed a team of two collegiate athletes and a zombie mortician.
But jokes aside, given the limitations of WWE’s roster at the time, this was a pretty impressive team. Undertaker replaced Tatanka, who was injured by Yokozuna and Ludvig Borga, but it was done for the better, in my eyes. Luger/Taker/Steiners was kind of a poor man’s equivalent of Hogan/Andre/US Express 1985, but at least this team was aided by Taker’s super-sweet Colonies jacket. LET FREEDOM RING.
4. Team WWF (2001)
Members: The Rock, Chris Jericho, The Undertaker, Kane, Big Show
Result: Won (Sole Survivor: Rock)
Why They Were Great: It made sense for Vince McMahon to program the best possible group against The Alliance with the futures of both warring sides on the line. After all, when the opposing team featues Austin, Angle, Van Dam, and Booker for a killer blowoff, you need all the star power you can get as a counter punch.
On this team are five men who will all, most assuredly, be in WWE’s Hall of Fame, provided they don’t do anything irreversible to their loved ones. The match also had the benefit of furthering the budding rivalry between Rock and Jericho, which provided us with a number of awesome matches between two of the era’s most charismatic stars. The benefit of less Survivor matches is more star-studded teams.
3. The Hulkamaniacs (1989)
Members: Hulk Hogan, Jake Roberts, Demolition
Result: Won (Sole Survivor: Hogan)
Why They Were Great: For the most part, each team in 1989 had some weak links that would prevent them from making this list. Yeah, Roddy’s Rowdies had Piper and Jimmy Snuka, but the Bushwackers are grounds for disqualifcation. The 4X4’s boasted Jim Duggan and Bret Hart, but Ronnie Garvin and his upside-down toilet brush hairdo (credit: Bobby Heenan) were a dealbreaker.
Not the case with Hogan’s team. Jake Roberts was at his peak as a babyface, feuding with Ted Dibiase after the Million Dollar Man injured his neck. Demolition were the WWE Tag Team Champions on their last great run, and Hogan was the company’s lead dog. He would finish off Zeus here, and in a cage match shortly thereafter, before putting on one of his finest performances ever against the Ultimate Warrior months later.
2. Team Savage (1987)
Members: Macho Man Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts, Brutus Beefcake, Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Result: Won (Survivors: Savage, Steamboat, Roberts)
Why They Were Great: If WWE had a midcard this sustained and deep today, you’d hear far less complaints from know-it-all fans. Savage and Steamboat on the same team is always a win, but factor in Roberts, Beefcake, and Duggan in their physical primes (as well as arguable peak of fanhood), and you can understand the high ranking.
Amazingly, Savage would feud with each of his teammates in high-profile fashion at some point. His legendary issue with Steamboat is a given, but he also feuded with Roberts in 1991 in one of WWE’s raciest stories ever. Macho Man would also battle Duggan in 1989 over the “crown”, and Beefcake was was Hogan’s ally in the post-Mega Powers explosion.
1. The Warriors (1990)
Members: The Ultimate Warrior, Kerry Von Erich, Legion of Doom
Result: Won (Sole Survivor: Warrior)
Why They Were Great: Here’s a case where the team name befit all of the members: Ultimate Warrior, Modern Day Warrior, and Road Warriors. Had Von Erich not been a worn-down shell of his once Greek God self, this team would have been flawless from head to toe. As it is, it’s still the greatest Survivor Series team of all time.
Just the combination of Warrior, at his peak as WWE Champion, and the LOD, the most popular tag team ever, is enough to warrant a top spot. Fans of all ages appreciated the three face-painted gladiators that ripped opponents to shreds with ease. Factor in Von Erich as Intercontinental Champion, and you get a team that has no lack of prestige.
I will be the first to admit that there have been many times I have been embarrassed to be a WWE fan. Here is a look back at ten angles that were so corny, I hoped nobody walked in the room as they played out on WWE television.
We all understand that the WWE is entertainment but there are times where they go so far off of the radar, you have to wonder who exactly they are trying to entertain. To be fair, we don’t see goofy angles like these much today. Yet back in the 80s and 90s, they began creeping up fairly often. In Vince McMahon’s efforts to think outside of the box, he wound up miles away from his intended targets. Here are ten angles that while fun to discuss now, weren’t so fun to watch as they played out.
Papa Shango puts a curse on the Ultimate Warrior - This was the angle that inspired the list. I remember watching this as a teenager thinking I needed to find a new hobby. As a matter of a fact you can look back at the WWE in 1992 and notice a steady decline in business. Now I don’t think that this angle was the catalyst, but I think it represents the shift in product and fan reaction by fans like me who were turned off. If you don’t remember the angle, Shango was a voodoo practitioner. His gimmick was to cast voodoo spells on his opponents but the spell he cast on Warrior went to new levels. Warrior began vomiting and inexplicably bleeding from the “curse”. Thank goodness WCW was offering one of its best eras of in-ring product at the time as an alternative!
The SummerSlam 1988 Finish - Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage were red hot babyfaces in 1988 and put together what would become known as the Mega Powers tag team. The team went into SummerSlam against the odds battling the tag team of Andre the Giant and Ted DiBiase along with Virgil and Bobby Heenan, and heel referee Jesse “the Body” Ventura. The Mega Powers needed a weapon and for weeks leading up to the match they bragged about a secret weapon. The weapon turned out to be…Miss Elizabeth tearing off her skirt and revealing your basic bathing suit bottom, covered up by a ruffled top. Even a horny teenage boy like me found this a big letdown. Hogan and Savage made teased that Liz would be stripping down to a “itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polk-a-dot bikini” which was hardly the case. Andre and his team were so “distracted” by this that it led to Hogan and Savage beating them. Now the idea that Andre and the “world’s richest man” would be distracted by a woman barely showing a rudimentary bathing suit was beyond ridiculous. Sure this wasn’t as corny as most of the others but it still sticks in my crawl for some reason!
Vince McMahon Dies - This one is legendary on so many levels, and not all for good reason. Vince was down on his luck after losing ECW and was rewarded with Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night. The Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night episode of RAW ended with Vince getting into a limousine that blew up. What really blew up was the angle. The day after RAW the WWE stock price dropped with people really believing that Vince died. Quite frankly you shouldn’t be allowed to buy stocks if you believed that. The next RAW was scheduled to be a tribute show to Vince, “tastefully” reminiscent of real tribute shows. Earlier that day news broke of the Chris Benoit murder/suicide and RAW turned into a real tribute show, abruptly dropping the entire, ridiculous storyline.
Mr. McMahon vs. God - Let’s stay with Vince for a second. For a guy that is regarded as a genius, he has sure been booked in some stupid angles. There aren’t many other moments that made me want to turn off RAW more than Vince cutting promos on God. As part of his feud with Shawn Michaels, Vince mocked HBK’s religious convictions and even booked a match with him and God as his tag team partner. Throughout the feud Vince made outlandish remarks against religion, likely angering many parents who no longer allowed their kids to watch RAW.I was thoroughly convinced that Vince lost his mind during this angle and he may very well have.
The Katie Vick storyline - Hey, remember the time you saw a C.O.O. have sex with a corpse on RAW? I bet you have never seen that written about a C.O.O. before. Well way back when, Triple H in an effort to upset Kane decided to break into a funeral home, open up a casket, and simulate necrophilia. The WWE has never lived this down and nor should they.
The Dawn Marie-Torrie Wilson-Al Wilson Soap Opera - I am sure there is a good explanation for this because the WWE had some damned talented writers on SmackDown during this time, yet I never liked it. For a guy like me watching this in his late 20s, I wound up turning the channel all too often. The whole idea of Dawn seducing both sounds fun on paper but it was some of the worst acting you will ever see on WWE TV. Al of course dies after having too much sex with Torrie, a fate I am sure many A-Rod haters are hoping to repeat itself. I kid…I kid.
Bret Hart –Vince McMahon Car Accident - How do you take a blockbuster angle over ten years in the making and based on realism and turn it into just another wrestling angle? Let Vince and his crack writing team get their hands on it. The match stunk yet the buildup for this should have been the greatest since the WCW invasion. Instead the angle was mucked up when a car ran over Bret Hart and “injured” him leading into WrestleMania 26. The only accident here was letting the creative team get their hands on this angle. I don’t know if it is as corny as any of the others but as a fan watching it home, I was disgusted and less interested in the match immediately thereafter.
JBL owning Shawn Michaels/The Authority owning the Big Show - Both of these storylines were beyond stupid and since they were essentially the same, I lumped them both together. The idea that two guys like Shawn Michaels and the Big Show, still employed, wrestling in main-events for decades lost all of their money only to become “slaves” to wealthy owners was both insulting and incredibly corny. Not for one second did anyone buy any of this and the idea that this company not only did it once but repeated the angle just shows you how uncreative their creative team can be sometimes.
The Lita Miscarriage - Words can’t even describe how tasteless and corny this angle was. I am really surprised that nobody brought this up during Linda’s political campaigns, than again her opponents had plenty of ammunition. Lita was allegedly pregnant through an implied sexual assault by Kane. Family fun! Snitsky attacked Lita and it was implied by the announcers that he had caused a miscarriage. Snitsky even mocked the act by kicking a baby into the crowd. As disgusting as this was, it was very unbelievable. I felt like I was wasting my time when I watched it. Someone on that writing team has some bad karma coming their way.
Al Snow and Pepper - How quickly we forget the time that Al was fed his pet dog Pepper by the Big Bossman. Pepper was a Chihuahua that took the place of head at some point and became something of a mascot for Al Snow. That mean Big Bossman wound up kidnapping old Peps and allegedly cooked him up and served him on a nice dinner plate to an unbeknownst Al Snow. The fun didn’t end there. The angle led to what is probably the worst Hell in a Cell match in history, a Kennel from Hell match. It’s amazing how fondly we remember the Attitude Era today and how quickly we forget all of the duds like this and others on this list.
The Birth of the Hand - How about the time those two crazy kids Mark Henry and Mae Young fell in love? We could end the summary right here with corny but it gets better. It was implied that Mark knocked Mae up and the two were expecting. WWE cameras were allowed in the hospital room when the big event took place and what came out was…a hand. I am sure there was some kind of subliminal message here but the only thing I could think of was that the WWE was giving us all the middle finger to anyone gullible enough to believe that Mae was actually going to give birth.
From SunLife Stadium in Miami, FL
April 1, 2012
It’s been purported that each WrestleMania event is generally planned a year in advance, and the booking is written backwards to support what they want to present on the grandest stage. While recent WrestleManias seem a bit more thrown-together at times, owing to an increasingly frenetic Vince McMahon being known to make constant changes, WrestleMania XXVIII was an event where a year-long plot was used, this time as an actual storyline.
One night after WrestleMania XXVII in Atlanta, John Cena called out The Rock. Rather than thrash the previous night’s guest host for costing him his World Title match against The Miz, a calm and happy-go-lucky Cena simply challenged Rock to a match at next year’s big event, giving both men one year to prepare for the clash of the ages.
The idea was unique for a modern time frame in which that $45 secondary PPV that you’re being offered has but two matches booked sixteen days before the event. It’s a little hard to get up for those shows (and buyrates seem to agree), but a WrestleMania where the main event is entrenched in everyone’s brains for 363 days?
Those “in-the-know” fans who balked at WWE’s most overexposed star, and most overexposed part-timer, getting a full calendar of non-stop billing would be rewarded by the successes of their heroes.
WWE was becoming a different place, as CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, who’d each passed through Philadelphia’s Murphy Rec Center on the way to the top, won the WWE and World Heavyweight Championships in 2011.
In spite of all of the social media blitzes, irksome moments from Michael Cole, and use of gimmickless FCW/NXT castoffs, it seemed WWE was crafting a WrestleMania unique among the pack. Between a year-long main event build, and two “workrate” champions, the everyday mold was finally being broken.
Cena and Rock crossed paths prior to the WrestleMania main event, as Rock’s movie schedule allowed him to wrestle at Survivor Series 2011. That night at Madison Square Garden, he and Cena formed a super-team that annihilated The Miz and R-Truth. Afterward, Rock dropped Cena with a Rock Bottom as a reminder that, in four months, they’d each engage in a defining match in their careers.
After Cena was sidetracked by a hard-boiled feud with Kane through early 2012, he and Rock criss-crossed on the remaining road to WrestleMania, insulting each other in their typical juvenille fashion. Rock would host one of his trademark “Rock Concerts” laden with entendres and jibes toward the current company flagbearer, while Cena reinstituted his “Doctor of Thuganomics” persona, ripping into Rock with some lines that would make the kid-friendly sponsors cringe.
The match was even given a TV special on USA Network to promote the history of the icons, giving this match, dubbed “Once in a Lifetime”, a super fight feeling like no other in recent memory.
As if the dream match wasn’t enough to churn buyrates, the “end of an era” was also promised. The Undertaker, 19-0 at WrestleMania, wasn’t happy with how he barely eked the win out over Triple H one year earlier, and demanded a rematch with COO of the company.
Hunter initially balked, but The Dead Man persisted, eventually goading the man technically his boss into a fight. The Game agreed on one condition: that it be a Hell in a Cell match. Shawn Michaels, who’d had his career ended by Undertaker, was made guest referee as one last twist of the screw.
Sheamus was the winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble, last ousting a quizzically-acting Chris Jericho. The Celtic Warrior waited three weeks before deciding which championship to challenge for, ultimately deciding on the World Heavyweight title held by an increasingly-self-indulgent Daniel Bryan.
Bryan was an anomaly, winning the title as an underdog hero on December 18 via briefcase cash-in, but slowly took on a portrayal as an egomaniac jerk. Not only did he ignore the affection of girlfriend AJ Lee, but Bryan began to praise himself more and more for minor victories, many of them tainted. He even allowed AJ to be injured by a stampeding Big Show, all just to keep his title.
As for the WWE Championship, anti-hero CM Punk would face the winner of a ten man battle royal that took place on February 20. Jericho would win, and thus be afforded a chance to continue his vague “end of the world” crusade via the company’s top champion.
Jericho first began the mind games with Punk by claiming the “Straight Edge Superstar” had stolen his “Best in the World” moniker, which Punk gladly challenged Jericho to try and take back. With the champ not fazed, Y2J resorted to revealing the ugly family history of Punk, complete with the addictions his family members all once had. Jericho promised to lead Punk down the road of self-destruction en route to taking his title.
Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler were the evening’s commentators, joined by a now-goateed Jim Ross for the Hell in a Cell match. For the third time, Lilian Garcia performed America the Beautiful. The Hall of Fame Class of 2012 consisted of Edge, The Four Horsemen (dual induction for Ric Flair), Ron Simmons, Yokozuna, Mil Mascaras, and celebrity inductee Mike Tyson.
World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus def. Daniel Bryan in 18 seconds to win the title
(And we stumble out of the gate. Boy the fans at SunLife dumped on them for this decision. I’ve said it in other mediums: it’s not the treatment of Bryan that made this moment suck; it was the belief by the company that Sheamus was going to look stronger as a result. The people who run WWE couldn’t find the pulse of the fans if they had a GPS)
Kane def. Randy Orton in 10:56
(I don’t know who this “Daniel Bryan” fellow is, but he sure got a lot of chants during this match. Decent contest that ended with a flying chokeslam)
WWE Intercontinental: Big Show def. Cody Rhodes in 5:18 to win the title
(The build was entertaining, with Rhodes showing film of Show’s WrestleMania embarrassments to psyche him out, but the match was all too brief. Rhodes actually reigned as champion for eight months)
Maria Menounos/Kelly Kelly def. Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix in 6:49
(All of these women are gone from WWE, which is a commentary on how women would rather do “something else” than work there. But I’d take a stinkface from Miss Menounos, at least)
Hell in a Cell/”End of an Era”: The Undertaker def. Triple H in 30:50
(Opinions of this one are a little divided. Some call this the greatest match in the history of the galaxy. Others think it was stupid to have Triple H assault Undertaker with basic moves, and have Michaels nearly “stop the match” because Taker couldn’t continue. Because Hunter’s so bad ass. Eh, 20-0 is 20-0, even if was slower and more plodding than Heaven’s Gate)
David Otunga/Mark Henry/The Miz/Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger/Drew McIntyre def. Kofi Kingston/Santino Marella/Great Khali/R-Truth/Zack Ryder/Booker T in 10:38
(As a result of this, John Laurinaitis won complete control of Raw and Smackdown from Teddy Long. Oh, and Zack Ryder looked like a useless tool. That’ll learn em)
WWE Championship: CM Punk def. Chris Jericho in 22:21
(A highly physical and intense battle that took some time to find second gear, I still found it to be the best match of the night. The battle at the end over the Anaconda Vise, with Punk refusing to give up on the hold, despite Jericho’s vicious struggle, was a nice touch)
”Once in a Lifetime”: The Rock def. John Cena in 33:34
(Nice throwback to the big-time WrestleMania main events of old, even if it was preceded by a six hour concert featuring Flo Rida and anorexic Shannon Moore. Cena’s undoing came as he tried a People’s Elbow, only to be Rock Bottom’d. Some said it was boring, but I actually liked it. Whether Rock has the endurance for another 30 minute match is another story)
ITS PLACE IN HISTORY
It’s hard to argue with 1.22 million buys, a WWE record, so some would say that a year-long build is the way to go. Rock would remain a part of WWE in a limited capacity, sticking around to challenge for the WWE Title at the 2013 Royal Rumble, but we’ll get to that next year.
The show began disastrously, and the fans largely didn’t come out of their anger-induced coma until the Hell in a Cell match. As many people who remember that match, and Rock and Cena’s epic showdown, equally remember how the show opened with the misstep of Sheamus and Bryan, possibly the worst WrestleMania booking since Hogan went over a tired Yokozuna at WrestleMania IX.
It wasn’t a terrible show, but it wasn’t a home run in any way except financially (undoubtedly important, despite our gripes). For the official “portrait” of the show, my pick will be a split screen. On one side is Shawn Michaels and Undertaker holding up a semi-conscious Triple H on the stage, while The Rock stands tall on the other side. WWE more than ever lives off of the past, as it can’t create an exciting present. Logically, their imagery should make you think you’re in 1998.
-For the remaining nine reviews, since they’re all 4 hours (and one is 5), I’ll be chopping out a little bit of quantity to make it my standard 4000+ word format. Which is a shame because for this show, I want to rant forever.
-Who was the April Fool on April 1, 2001 as we come to you from the Reliant Astrodome in Houston, TX for WWEWrestleMania X-Seven? Well, Vince had just bought WCW so they were finished, and ECW was days away from its bankruptcy hearing, so the biggest non-fool was Vince. Wait, why am I wasting time? I only have 4000 words to tell you that this is the greatest wrestling show in the history of time, so let’s just do it!
-Your hosts are Jim Ross and Paul Heyman, who had taken over for Jerry Lawler one month prior when Lawler quit the company. He quit in protest because WWE fired his girlfriend, the one who three months later ran off with an indie guy and publically disgraced “The King”. Boy, you can imagine THAT was embarrassing.
-No America the Beautiful or national anthem. Given the events that occurred five months later, do you really think WWE is a patriotic company, or just cashing in on jingoistic trends? You can guess my point of view.
-We start with the IC Title match, as Chris Jericho defends against then-commissioner William Regal. Jericho besmirched Regal by peeing in his tea, so Regal besmirched him back by kicking the snot out of him. That’s exactly how Magnum TA and Tully Blanchard got started.
-I miss the days before Regal discovered tanning, when every babyface opponent he had would light him up with chops just to redden his chest. Hunter can try that now with Sheamus, to see if the chest will match the hair.
-A lot of fan pinfall attempts, which leads one to think that this isn’t going to be a very long match. Everybody get your stuff in now!
-Regal slams Jericho into the exposed turnbuckle a couple of times, but Jericho basically shakes the pain off and hits the run-up enzuigiri. Of the eleven matches on this card, I think this is definitely the best opener choice. You can cut it short, and nobody gets upset about it. It’s also two pros that can bring the massive crowd to life in the early going, so good choices all around.
-Jericho lands a lionsault and remembers that his shoulder’s supposed to be hurt before covering Regal to keep the gold. Good seven minute opener that did what it had to do, and we’re off to a good start.
-Shane McMahon arrives in a limo. Forget Triple H and Stephanie, is Shane the biggest Jericho hater in the McMahon army? He can’t even show up in time for his match on the biggest night of the year, and he owns STOCK in the company!
-Next up, in a moderate “Get everybody on the show” attraction, Tazz and the APA take on Right to Censor members Val Venis, The Goodfather, and Bull Buchanan. Remember when Bradshaw used to have to get heat with his patriotic Texas boy suck-up rants? He has to namedrop Nolan Ryan here to get the crowd behind him, even though he’s fighting three tools in dress clothes who want to get rid of sex and violence. Tough times for JBL.
-Match is basically just an exhibition to keep the crowd noise on life support as we progress into the bigger matches. The only real spot of note is Tazz missing the top rope on a whip because he’s about 4’7”. Tazz can speak in that angry voice all he wants, but I still laughed.
-Bradshaw finishes a quick one with the Clothesline From Hell on Goodfather. At least the faces won, which keeps the fans happy. Can you believe that on the face team, you have a WWE Champion, WCW Champion, and ECW Champion? I couldn’t believe it either.
-Just a quick side note: the greatest character in wrestling history is comatose Linda McMahon. Seriously, she’s so lifeless, how does she DO it? Oh, that’s just how she really is?
-To give the crowd a violence appetizer before TLC later, Raven defends the Hardcore Title against Kane and Big Show. This is notable because Show’s late getting to the ring, and JR goes on a worked-shoot tangent about how Show can’t make a living off of potential, that he has to get it done in the ring. Man, when a guy who’s known for making barbecue references in every third sentence calls you a lazy mook, then maybe you should get ye a treadmill.
-After brawling backstage through the sea of people, Kane and Raven keep the tempo alive while Show sulks behind. Alright, JR, you were right.
-Show tries to lock himself and Raven in an enclosure, but Kane just rips the door off. Hey Show, if Kane can tear off the Hell in a Cell door, this should be a cinch. For a bonus, Kane throws Raven through a window. That’s enough to earn Kane the Mike Mizanin “I Came to Play” award.
-Then comes the golf cart chase, as Raven tries to drive off and he and Show barrel into the chain link fence, then Kane follows with the referee and proves to be a smooth driver, not unlike Mike Myers in the original Halloween. Then he runs over Raven’s leg. Well, ouch.
-Finally, Raven gets put out of his misery when the fight spills back onto the stage, and Kane kicks him and Show off through a side platform. Then Kane leaps off and covers Show for the win and the title. It seemed like it was just going to be filler at first, but it turned into quite the exciting little match. I enjoyed it.
-Kurt Angle’s too busy watching a match with he and Chris Benoit to have seen Raven’s effort in the last match. Well, that’s just selfish. Also, The Rock arrives now, just to spite the undercard. Screw Bull Buchanan, who’d he ever beat?
-Up next is the European Title, as Test defends against Eddie Guerrero. Hoo boy, is this match just plain creepy now. At least Perry Saturn’s hat cheers me up.
-Eddie does what he does best, and he sells for Test and his power display. Question: Why do we refer to Eddie Guerrero as “Eddie” but Chris Benoit as “Benoit”? Is it because “Guerrero” is too complicated to spell for some people? It’s a surname, for chrissakes, let’s just learn it. GUERRERO does what he does best. There, I broke the habit.
-Now to spice things up a bit, Test gets his ankle caught in the ropes, and they have to spend 60 seconds figuring out how to free him, getting a big ovation when they finally do. It’s the biggest pop Test got post-1999, so it’s definitely a banner night for all.
-Dean Malenko runs out to speed things things along, since he wants to see the Benoit/Angle match, so he helps Saturn distract Test, allowing Guerrero to hit Test with the European title for the win and the gold. Decent match, but just was there to get everyone involved. First heel win of the night.
-Mick Foley promises to call tonight’s Vince and Shane match right down the middle. Yeah, like Mick has a reason to be biased against Vince.
-Now for something a little more serious: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit in a straight up one on one match. This is the first time in WWE history that I can recall two men doing the mat-wrestling stalemate sequence to begin a match, and getting a tremendous ovation for it. I like the story here, as Benoit keeps scaring Angle with the Crossface, and Kurt’s nerves lead to him falling into other Benoit moves. The psychology’s always sound with these two.
-Angle takes control, dominating Benoit on the outside and then pummeling him with suplexes inside. They were really beginning to get Angle over as a mat machine, you know, before he and Austin became unlikely best friends. Badges?
-Angle gets his belly to belly suplexes, and Benoit comes back with the rolling Germans. I think we have the first match of the night candidate. Sorry, Raven and Jericho, you’re out of the running.
-Now for a staple of WWE at the time: mind-screw submission holds, as Benoit applies Angle’s own anklelock, and Angle manages to get his own version of the Crossface. Crowd’s enjoying themselves too. Maybe there’s hope for Daniel Bryan yet.
-After a ref bump, Benoit gets Angle in his own Crossface, and Angle of course taps without an official. Story of Benoit’s life. As Benoit goes to maybe blow a snot rocket on the dead ref, Angle gets an Angle Slam for 2. After Benoit gets the diving headbutt, but when Benoit tries for a German, Angle goes low and gets a complicated rollover to win. Great match, and it told the characters’ stories to a tee: one is great, but the other is greater when he cheats. I’m enjoying myself all over again.
-Psuedo intermission segment where the following happens: Kamala destroys Regal’s office, footage is shown at the Fort Hood rally (RIP to those who perished in the recent shooting), and Benoit beats up Angle backstage and makes him tap.
-Ivory defends the Women’s title against Chyna, and since I have disdain for both performers, let’s just say that Chyna dresses like some demented version of a Bratz doll and beats Ivory in three minutes to win the title. Remember when Chyna said that belt was beneath her? So do I. She’d be gone within months to realize her true calling: incomprehensible walking meltdown for the Howard Stern fringe crowd. Always good to see someone realize their potential.
-Vince promises that tonight, we’re going to get “shocking”. I hate it when he promises surprises. He’d be a great evil dad in horror movies, though. “You wanna go for a ride? I’ll take you….for a ride….heh heh heh heh….”
-So it’s Vince and Shane in a street fight, which began when Shane defended Linda’s honor after Vince cheated on her publicly with Trish. Stephanie sided with Vince because of the whole Elektra complex. Shane then bought WCW before his dad could, just to show that he could run something as doomed to fail as the XFL. Foley’s the ref, just because. Linda’s in a wheelchair doing her best acting over. Trish is here too. Got all that?
-Shane gives a shoutout to his WCW homies in the skybox. LANCE STORM! HE FINALLY MADE IT TO WrestleMania! I wonder if he’s writing down notes on how horrible this show is. He’s like Comic Book Guy with a six pack.
-The brawl spills to the floor, where Shane bashes his dead with a metal sign, and then some SICK shots with a kendo stick that was under the ring. Good God, can Vince take a beating or what? Say what you will, but in these matches, he seems to have some sort of endurance level that can’t be obtained by mere mortals. I mean, Shane is just PASTING him, not even holding back. I’m loving it.
-By the way, Heyman’s unabashed devotion to cheering Vince is insanely funny, and it sounds like the ranting of someone who desperately needs money. Funny because it’s true.
-So Shane wipes out through the Spanish commentary table as Stephanie pulls her dad off of it. Shane gets to play dead for the next five minutes or so as Trish brings Linda out in the wheelchair. Now comes the fun stuff.
-Trish slaps Vince to signal a face turn, and then she and Stephanie get into a fun catfight that Foley tries to break up. Scrooge. Trish finally chases Steph to the locker room, and that’s when Vince spots Linda at ringside. His mouthing of a certain obscenity is a great moment.
-Vince smashes Mick with a chair as Foley tries to get Linda to safety. He brings Linda inside and sits her in the corner, so she can watch as he punishes Shane further. After landing a couple trash can shots, Vince gets cocky before doing the third, and is oblivious to Linda standing up (to a CRAZY pop). Vince turns and she kicks him right in the Genetic Jackhammer. Then Foley beats Vince up, and then Shane lands the Shane Terminator (corner to corner dropkick, into a trash can into Vince’s face) for the win. THIS is the template for “overbooked crap” that we need more of. Just insanely fun stuff, and it still holds up even today. Hell, the whole SHOW is holding up.
-Backstage, Undertaker warms up for his eventual match by shadow boxing. That’ll work off the pork rinds if you do enough of them.
-In case that the last match wasn’t enough of an insane spotfest, here’s something to take things up another notch: the Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match between Tag Team Champions The Dudley Boyz, The Hardy Boyz, and Edge and Christian. Difference between this and last year is that this year, there’s no crappy show to have to kick into high gear.
-Much like last year, they get the poetry in motion and the Wazzzzzup drops out of the way, just to get to the bigger stuff in a flurry. I wholeheartedly support this idea.
-Here’s a sick one for you: both Hardyz slide into a ladder, knocking the Dudleyz against the guardrail. I have to say, the dark sky peeking in through the dome makes it feel like that this match is taking place at WrestleMania VI. I’d love to see the Rockers, Harts, and Demolition in one of these matches. Crap, I just blew my own mind.
-“D-VON…..GET THE TABLES!” And with that, a two wide, two high stack of four tables is set up in the aisleway. Anyone else think they’ll get used? I do.
-And just like last year, all six men climb a set of three ladders for a race-spot, and all six men tumble off in painful fashion. It was times like this when WWE really knew their audience.
-To add a new wrinkle to this year’s match, all three teams have an ally that makes his or her presence felt. As Edge climbs to get the belts, Spike Dudley runs in and nails him with the Dudley Dog. After Spike gives Christian one as well, Rhyno comes in and accosts Jeff Hardy on behalf of E&C. Then Edge tries going up again, and Lita runs in to pull him down. Jim Ross utters “Lita….jerkin’ Edge off” and then pauses before saying “the ladder!”. I’m immature, I know, but what are you going to do about it?
-Lita creams Spike with a sickening chair shot and then removes her top, just get hit with 3D. Anybody else miss her protruding thong?
-Jeff decides that now is a good time to be insane, as he uses the painter’s ladder to Swanton off and put Rhyno and Spike through at ringside. That whacky Jeff, always living for the moment.
-Then with Bubba and Matt on another painter’s ladder, Rhyno shoves it, sending both men flying through the table tower in the aisle in what I feel is the greatest table bump EVER. Prove me wrong, readers.
-Finally, Edge prevents D-Von from climbing, and Rhyno lifts Christian in an electric chair lift, pushing him up the ladder so that he can grab the belts for the win. Off the charts insanity that topped last year’s match, and the truncated length definitely helped. Great effort from everyone involved.
-Howard Finkel (#17!) announces the crowd at 67,925 which makes me feel all nostalgic for 1990 and WrestleMania VI. Then Limp Bizkit’s “My Way” plays. Well, that ruined the feeling. Still, it’s Fred Durst’s best song, so huzzah.
-And now for the gimmick battle royal, with Mean Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan returning to do commentary. The participants are The Bushwhackers, Duke Droese, Iron Sheik, Earthquake, Doink, The Goon, Kamala, Kim Chee, Repo Man, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael PS Hayes, One Man Gang, Gobbeldy Gooker, Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim, Brother Love, and Sgt. Slaughter. Somewhere, RD Reynolds had a tear in his eye. And it wasn’t because he knew he’d one day employ Blade Braxton.
-What follows is three minutes of bad brawling, but who cares? It was FUN. Sheik finally wins it after dumping Hillbilly, and then Slaughter runs in to apply the Cobra Clutch on the winner. Watch out Slaughter, he’ll do a Youtube shoot on you for that one.
-Hooray for the patron saint of camelclutchblog.com. YOU VILL BE HUM-BELLED!
-MOTORHEAD! Sure, Lemmy can’t do the words to Triple H‘s theme right, but it’s ok. Chill-inducing rendition of “The Game”, as we lead into the semi-main event of The Undertaker and Triple H, streak vs. nostrils. The feud featured Hunter’s most bad ass moment ever, when he took Taker down backstage, put a chair over his throat, and then sat on it while taunting him. Good stuff.
-Spanish announce table #2 goes in a hurry, thanks to HHH. Good to see Hunter keep his dad-in-law’s pro American stance alive.
-Back inside, after a SMALL ref bump, Taker is pissed when Mike Chioda counts slow, so Taker simply destroys him and knocks him out. With an elbow drop. For 10 minutes. If you heard two sounds of gunfire at this point, that was tranq darts being fired at Cornette backstage and Storm in the skybox. Just shut up, you two.
-The two men then brawl through the crowd and over to the production tower, which is a unique situation for a wrestling match. The two men fight in there, and Undertaker proceeds to chokeslam him out of it. SICKNESS! Well, until they show the replay, where Hunter landed on about 7 feet of padded foam. Eh well, looked nice at first.
-Back to the ring after the extended crowd brawl, and Chioda is still out. That was some elbow drop.
-After some tomfoolery with the sledgehammer, Taker is unable to connect after a low blow. Then to get all nostalgic, Taker lands a tombstone for 2. CHIODA’S ALIVE! I’m relieved.
-Taker then tries for the Last Ride, but Hunter grabs the sledge and bashed the Dead Man’s scalp on the way up. He busts him open, but it only gets 2. Hunter then tries to punch Taker in the corner, but puts himself in position for his Last Ride to make Taker 9-0. Really great brawl, as you’d expect from these two. Ten matches in, and I haven’t even stopped for a piss break. And I’m watching this at 11 PM at night, with work the next day at 1 PM. Ya rly!
-Austin-Rock highlight package set to “My Way”. Austin said he HAD to win this match. Question is, just what will Austin do to ensure victory?
-Crowd is 80-20 in favor of Steve Austin, who is the home state hero. The Rock was the WWE Champion, and you wondered how they were going to end this. I’ll bet nobody watching guessed it right.
-Finkel did announce that it was no DQ, which is apparently shocking. You mean after a match where Taker flagrantly beats up the referee, they just threw the rulebook out? Absurd!
-Both men slug it out early and they bust out the classic moves, namely Austin with his Thesz press and middle finger elbow. You can sense the desperation from Austin here.
-They brawl into the crowd, like everyone else has done tonight. I think even Finkel and timekeeper Mark Yeaton went over the railing at one point.
-Austin dominates in the early going, which is consistent with the “I need to win” motif that he has, believing that it’s all over for himself if he loses. It’s those subtle character hints that WWE does better than anyone else. Are you listening, Dixie?
-Austin gets a superplex for 2 and then removes the turnbuckle pad, but Rock comes back to shift the momentum. They fight to the outside and Austin busts him open with the ringbell. Austin’s not going down without a fight.
-Austin works the cut as much as he can, and brings Rock back in to try and bash him into the exposed buckle, but Rock blocks and fires with lefts and rights to stop Austin in his tracks. After the two men jostle for control, it’s Austin who, ironically, eats the steel buckle. Then Rock repays him by waffling him with the ring bell. Tremendous, cerebral stuff, with a big time feel.
-With Austin now bleeding and Rocky now firmly in charge, the champ works the open cut and both men are fighting to stay alive. On the outside, Austin shifts the momentum yet again and slingshots Rock into the post, before bashing him with a TV monitor. At this point, the eventual winner was still not evident.
-Austin tries for a Stunner, but Rock takes him down and slaps on the sharpshooter. Reminiscent of four years earlier, Austin is bloodied, but will not give up. Austin uses the ropes for escape, and then wraps Rock up with his own Sharpshooter. The implied one-upsmanship on display here is incredible, and is a testament to both’s men abilities.
-Austin manages to get a Million Dollar Dream, but Rock uses the Bret Hart pushoff counter to get 2. Then Vince McMahon comes to ringside. But….but why?
-Rock takes down Austin with a spinebuster and then lands the People’s Elbow, but it only gets 2 when….Vince breaks up the pin? This was all so fresh and baffling. Why would Vince be helping Austin in the World Title match?
-Then after Austin lands a Rock Bottom on its owner, he gets 2, and then gives Rock an emphatic low blow. Then Austin….requests a chair from Vince? Vince….obliges?
-From here, Austin and Vince proceed to double team Rock in a truly surreal sequence. After Rock manages a kickout, he gives Austin a Rock Bottom, but Vince prevents a count. Rock pulls Vince into the ring, but Austin stuns Rock, getting only 2! AMAZING.
-Now we get the big finish: Austin destroys Rock with chair shot after chair shot while Vince barks out encouragement. In all, Rock takes about two dozen chair shots to the chest, gut, back, and hips as his body just simply gives out and Austin pins him to win the title. Austin and Vince celebrate with a beer, a handshake, and then Austin lays out Rock with the title to pull the trigger on his shocking heel turn. Excellent match to cap off an excellent show and, although the heel turn proved to be ineffective, the concept was interesting, and it added a new dimension to the character’s psyche: Austin felt his end was coming soon, and he had to do everything he could to hold his main event spot to prevent becoming an afterthought. Brilliant idea, but it just didn’t work.
-Limp Bizkit plays us out of here with a beautiful montage to “My Way”. I have to say, that might be my favorite WrestleMania song ever. And I HATE Fred Durst!
-CYNIC SAYS: Ho. Lee. Crap. I don’t think Vince McMahon, even with a perfect roster and a huge wave of momentum, could ever top this show. It was perfect from start to finish, and everything had a purpose. Those purposes were thusly served to perfection. Four matches you could make an argument were four stars are better: the technical masterpiece (Benoit/Angle), the wild soap opera (Vince/Shane), the insane spotfest (TLC), the mano y mano brawl (HHH/Taker), and the battle of the larger than life immortals (Rock/Austin).
This show is regarded as the end of the Attitude era, but what a way for it to go out. WWEE has not seen heights like this since, and although it may again one day, it’ll take a lot to convince me that it’s as good as this card. What’s left to say?
Oh, I know.
POSITIVE. FIVE. STARS!
Justin Henry has been an occasional contributor to Camel Clutch Blog since 2009. His other work can be found at WrestleCrap.com and ColdHardFootballFacts.com. He can be found on Twitter, so give him a follow.
After two straight WrestleManias in which the WWF held a sizeable lead over WCW in the Monday Night Wars, the Monday before WrestleMania X7 would see Vince McMahon pull the plug for good.
On Friday, March 23, 2001, McMahon purchased selected assets of World Championship Wrestling from parent company AOL-Time Warner, ending WCW’s 13 year existence. After gutting the corpse of talent contracts and the film library, McMahon left WCW for dead, effectively monopolizing the wrestling industry for himself.
On Monday, March 26, wrestling fans were treated to a surreality of Vince McMahon being the first face seen as Nitro hit the airwaves for the final time. Raw and Nitro would be simulcast , with the WWF overseeing both shows. As Nitro came to a close at the 10 o’clock hour, Shane McMahon revealed, in story terms, that he swooped in and bought the WCW entity from under his dad’s nose. The WCW acquisition by Shane would lead to a faux-interpromotional war between Vince’s WWF and Shane’s WCW, which, while highly anticipated by fans the world over, fizzled to an unsatisfying conclusion.
Meanwhile, McMahon’s ill-fated Xtreme Football League was limping to its demise after one lone season, due to poor play, a lack of name players, and generally polarizing publicity stunts.
However, in the World Wrestling Federation, life remained grand. After taking their programming to Viacom in September 2000 (Raw on TNN, Heat on MTV), the WWF was helped along by Stone Cold Steve Austin’s return that month, after a ten months injured.
The main event scene was clogged with the usual pieces like Austin, The Rock, Triple H, and Undertaker, while clearing space for the likes of Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, and Chris Jericho.
As WrestleMania X7 was built to perfection, few knew that things would change drastically afterward.
THE EVENT Stone Cold Steve Austin won the 2001 Royal Rumble, becoming the event’s only three time winner, and earning a main event match at WrestleMania. The Rock, one month later, would defeat Kurt Angle to regain the WWF Championship, setting the stage for a highly-anticipated encounter between he and Austin, would both men as faces.
The two men did a sitdown interview weeks before the match, giving legitimate compliments to each other, while throwing in some backhanded remarks to heighten the tension. In a curious tidbit that was overlooked by the majority of fans, Austin repeatedly stated that he “needed” to win this match. Austin didn’t elaborate too much on why victory was of the utmost necessity, but the phrasing seemed to be his central point.
Rock and Austin would spend the waning weeks saving each other from double team assaults featuring the likes of Angle, Rikishi, Haku, and others, while using each other’s vulnerable state to plant each other with their finishing moves, as well as lifting the other man’s move (Rock performing the Stone Cold Stunner, Austin the Rock Bottom) to try and gain a psychological edge on the other man.
Although built up as a match of equals with a mutual respect in spite of their over competitive meddles, Austin’s “needing” to win would lead to an unforgettable decision.
Shadowing the main event was an encounter between The Undertaker and Triple H, ten years before they’d face off at WrestleMania XXVII. At this point, however, Triple H was more of an inconsiderate hatemonger, while Undertaker had put his ghoulish attire away in exchange for his biker duds. The story began when Triple H lamented not being in the WrestleMania main event (after beating Austin one month prior at No Way Out). “The Game” claimed to have beaten everyone in WWE there was to beat, drawing Undertaker’s ire.
The two men would exchange instances of brutality over the next several weeks, with Undertaker being busted open with a sledgehammer shot, and then returning the favor by destroying Helmsley’s limo with a lead pipe. Undertaker even had brother Kane hold Stephanie McMahon hostage, threatening to toss her from a balcony, if William Regal wouldn’t give him Triple H for WrestleMania. The commissioner relented, and the match was on.
As mentioned earlier, Vince and Shane McMahon were in the midst of another spat over WCW’s ownership, and the two would sign to face off in a street fight. Mick Foley, whom Vince canned in December, would return to be the guest referee.
The underlying saga at hand was Vince’s intent to divorce wife, Linda, during a fit of anger in the same time period. Linda was stricken by grief and shock, and lapsed into a catatonic state, resulting in institutionalization. McMahon then began cavorting around with Trish Stratus, while embarrassing her as well at will, and promised to bring wheelchair-bound Linda to ringside for the street fight.
Jim Ross and Paul Heyman (fresh from the wreckage of ECW) would call the action in WWF’s first domed Wrestlemania in nine years. Members of the WCW roster such as Lance Storm, Mike Awesome, Stacy Keibler, and others would appear in a skybox as onlookers. Legendary metal warriors Motorhead would also appear, to play Triple H to the ring with his popular theme “The Game”.
WWF Intercontinental: Chris Jericho def. William Regal in 7:08
(Jericho lamented this match in his latest book, thinking it was too short, but it served the purpose of getting the show going. Jericho would be repaid for his hard work later, obviously)
Tazz/APA def. Right to Censor in 3:53
(You know what’s amazing? Everyone on the face team can claim a World Title. And two of them became good color commentators, while the other became known for “DAMN!”)
WWF Hardcore: Kane def. Raven and Big Show in 9:18 to win the title
(Insane fun, especially the golf cart chase, as well as Jim Ross’ cryptic remark at Big Show: “Show has all the potential in the world, but you can’t make a living off potential! You gotta get it done!” That means you’re useless, Show)
WWF European: Eddie Guerrero def. Test in 8:30 to win the belt
(It’s depressing that both men are dead, so I’ll just lighten the mood by complimenting Perry Saturn and his awesome furry hat. I want one)
Kurt Angle def. Chris Benoit in 14:02
(The first true technical classic since Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels faced off five years earlier in the Iron Man match, and this one was merely one quarter the length of that. Good wrestling is always welcome in the eclectic blend that is WrestleMania)
WWF Women’s: Chyna def. Ivory in 2:39 to win the title
(If you hate Chyna, fear not: she won’t appear in these WrestleMania portraits anymore)
Street Fight: Shane McMahon def. Vince McMahon in 14:12
(Geez, where to begin? Well, there was a kendo stick, a cat fight between Trish Stratus and Stephanie McMahon, Shane missing a flying elbow through a table, Linda coming out of her pseudo-coma to kick Vince in the nuts, and Shane hit the Van Terminator to win. Overbooked insanity at its finest)
WWF World Tag Team/Tables, Ladders, and Chairs: Edge/Christian def. The Hardy Boyz and The Dudley Boyz in 15:53 to win the titles
(Rarely would a TLC match have its work cut out for it after any match, but Vince and Shane pulled out all the stops. TLC did as well, adding each team’s respective ally (Rhyno, Lita, and Spike Dudley) to up the ante. Next to Summerslam 2000, this is the greatest TLC match ever. All six men would still have greater career heights ahead of them as well)
Gimmick Battle Royal: The Iron Sheik won, last eliminating Hillbilly Jim in 3:05
(Mean Gene and Bobby Heenan were on commentary, Repo Man showed up, and Iron Sheik humbled his way to victory. My cable could have went out after this match, and it still would have won “Best Show Ever” from me)
The Undertaker def. Triple H in 18:17
(That’s nine. Crazy brawl that featured an improbable ten minute ref bump (after a frigging stomp and elbow drop from Taker), but it was still intense throughout. Undertaker also kicked out of a sledgehammer shot, so there were still traces of his zombie gimmick there)
WWF World Heavyweight: Stone Cold Steve Austin def. The Rock in 28:06 to win the title
(And then it happened: a classic back-and-forth war between two of the greatest ever sees Vince McMahon storm the ring and assist Austin in bloodying and battering Rock, leading to Austin winning the title, shaking hands with McMahon, and turning heel. Mind blowing at the time, head scratching in hindsight, the show ended with Austin and McMahon aligned, ending the Attitude Era)
ITS PLACE IN HISTORY
At this time, the WWF began to use music from contemporary artists as the themes for their pay per views. For WrestleMania X7, Limp Bizkit’s “My Way” provided a goosebump-inducing soundtrack to one of the most dramatic and exciting events in wrestling history.
“My Way” is appropriate, because that’s what Vince McMahon had to do to get to this point. His way brought WCW to its knees and made wrestling mainstream, after all. But on the other blade of the double edged sword, McMahon’s penchant for not listening to naysayers saw him curiously turn Austin heel, sending a shockwave through the industry.
Austin’s neutering into an non-confident, insecure villain, not to mention The Rock’s hiatus to film The Scorpion King, resulted in a WWF that felt drastically different. When Triple H tore his quadriceps in May, and that was followed by the horrid Invasion angle, the WWF had completely lost the aura of “cool” that Attitude afforded them.
As a show, it’s the greatest single event that the WWF has produced from a quality standpoint. The ending, however, is like a black mark on a white wedding dress. It’s glaring ugliness stands out just as much as the quality event.
Justin Henry has been an occasional contributor to Camel Clutch Blog since 2009. His other work can be found at WrestleCrap.com and ColdHardFootballFacts.com. He can be found on Twitter, so give him a follow.
-Given that Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Bret Hart, Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels, Undertaker, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Sting, and Rob Van Dam are all big parts of wrestling right now, I just assumed that I was living in the year 2000, and that I was done with my review tour after WWEWrestleMania XV. So I was kicking back, drinking iced tea and mentally congratulating myself, when Eric informs me that I’m only 60% done. Apparently, there was another decade of these things that happened, and I’m obligated to finish them all. He didn’t buy my “card subject to change” excuse, and so I’m back to work.
-So journey with me back to April 2, 2000, as we return to the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim. WWE was in high gear at this point, running an all-day WrestleMania commemorative PPV to precede the night’s big card. WCW was on the verge of a relaunch, which was their last gasp at trying to turn things around, and ECW was so far in the debt that the bookies who beat up Chevy Chase in Dirty Work were eyeing Paul E. next. So with a loaded roster, many popular characters, and a rabid fanbase in their pocket, it looked like WWE had a gimme here, right?
-To kick things off, Lillian Garcia takes us through America the Beautiful. Had the song had people’s names in it, how many do you think she would have stumbled over? Ten? More than ten?
-The thing with this show is that the entire roster is involved, except for Austin and Taker (both injured), Mideon, Gangrel (both slated for the Hardcore title match, but both injured), and Essa Rios (According to the Bobby Heenan book of jokes, it was some bad enchiladas. Hey, don’t look at me, it’s what it says). So this makes for a VERY crammed card, especially with everyone crammed into nine matches. If wrestlers collectively made up the lower half of the human body, then WrestleMania 2000 is a pair of Kim Kardashian’s skinny jeans.
-To kick things off, The Godfather and D-Lo Brown will take on Big Bossman and Bull Buchanan. In addition to the bevy of ho’s that Godfather has with him at all times, he’s also accompanied by Ice-T, who performs a rap version of The Godfather’s music on the way to the ring. From performing a rap theme about pimping to playing a hard nosed SVU detective in just six months. Who says Ice T isn’t versatile. I still think during this match, Daryl Gates should have whacked T with a chair. COP KILLLLLLLLAHHHH.
-This match has no story, except for maybe the fact that it’s 2 happy pimps and 2 evil cops. This would set the precedent for evil teetotaler CM Punk and loveable junkie Jeff Hardy about nine years later.
-Am I alone in thinking that Bull’s scissor kick was better than Booker T’s? At least Bull didn’t stop and pose while the opponent had to remain hunched over like he had the trots. Bull lands a beaut on D-Lo, and the crowd is wanting a better opener than this. Ah, the perils of putting everyone on the card.
-Not to be outdone, Bossman applies a bear hug to D-Lo. Well, okay, it doesn’t top a scissors kick, but Bossman DID bust out the best move he had in his arsenal at the time. Sad to say.
-D-Lo manages a top rope hurrachanrana on Bossman. Given that Bossman’s involved, I thought that was impossible, even in video games. The fact that he climbed the buckles at this stage of his career astounds me. I kinda thought it would be like Fire Pro where a big man tries to climb the buckle and falls on his back after merely touching the bottom rope. Alas.
-Godfather with the hot tag, who does about a minute’s worth of work before Brown is tagged back in, and he falls victim to the Bossman Slam and Buchanan legdrop to give the keystone kops the win. Not a bad opener, but not a good one, either. Godfather must have the endurance levels of a dialysis patient to only be able to last that long. Godfather and Bull, however, would go on to combat the evils of free expression in Right to Censor just months later. It’s amazing what brings people together.
-Stephanie and Trips admire their belts. If Santino and Beth were Glamarella, what does this make these two? My money’s on Stepha-Nose.
-Up next, a thirteen man Hardcore Title fracas, featuring champion Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Tazz, the APA, The Headbangers, The Mean Street Posse, and Kaientai. It’s like the unlockables list on a WWE Playstation 1 game. You know, you win the Royal Rumble from the #1 spot with someone like Mankind and you get to play as the Headbangers. Then you’d be so thrilled that you give up playing for a few days to deal with your excitement.
-So the rules are same as scramble match rules, in that there’s 15 minutes and whoever scores the final pinfall or submission is the champion. The difference is that every “interim reign” counts in the record books. Using this logic, in Super Bowl 39, since the Eagles had a 7-0 lead in the second quarter, then they’re former Super Bowl champions! Thank you, Vince McMahon, for helping me justify my faulty logic!
-So, here’s a quick summary of the chaos: Tazz wins it, followed by Viscera, who 70% of the participants don’t attack even though you have to PIN the champ, Funaki wins it, then Taka goes nuts on him, Pete Gas bleeds, Funaki gets chased by everyone (which needed Yakety Sax), The Posse and Thrasher exchange reigns, Tazz gets it back, then Crash, then Hardcore, who wins it off of a botched count by Tim White. Careful, Timmy, Hardcore’s mean to people who make mistakes. Ken Anderson’s been threatened with murder on youtube, and Spark Plugg’s pretty damned serious. Fun stuff, if unfocused.
-Quick note: so Tazz struggled against 12 undercard guys, and then 11 days later, he goes back to ECW and beats the champion in 3 minutes to win the belt, and said champ (Mike Awesome) goes to WCW where he’s pushed. In summary, your honor, WCW sucks hard and I have overwhelming evidence to support my claim. Besides the booking.
-We get a look at AXXESS and a blond haired Undertaker(!!), who was in the middle of his vigorous cheese fries and Old Milwaukee diet that led to his stellar comeback a few months later. For as much as we love Taker now, would you believe how useless he was until about 2006 when he began to work up to his opponents’ level? How soon we all forget. And I LIKE the guy, but man did injuries and laziness take their toll in this era.
-Al Snow is talking to a bathroom stall. And here I was finished with the Terry Garvin jokes.
-Making their WrestleMania debut: Trish Stratus’ breasts. Yum.
-Next, we have Head Cheese (Al Snow and Steve Blackman) vs. T&A (Test and Albert). With about 17,000 fans on hand, this is the most pairs of eyes that have been on something called “T&A” in wrestling history. Yeah, I crossed the line. The Cheesers have a midget dressed as a block of cheese in their corner (Chester McCheeserton) and T&A has Trish. Jeez, Snow even does the job when it comes to his corner people.
-What follows is one of the most bland tag team matches in Mania history, highlighted by the fact that Snow is the only one of the four to have any personality, and he winds up taking an awkward bump from some crappy powerbomb thingy by the hosses. Even Jim Ross can’t defend this match, and he used to try and sell the Ding Dongs as a threat. When Ross gives up on you, it’s time to pack it in.
-Test lands a diving elbow on Snow for the win. Then afterward, Snow and Blackman beat up the cheese midget, which gets the biggest pop of the match. I think Vince wanted to do something artsy and David Lynch-like, so he had a match with a human block of cheese, a hot blond, a man who carries a mannequin head, a team named for female curves, and 17,000 silent onlookers. I’m certain that was in the original draft for Mulholland Drive. I’m done rationalizing this mess.
-The Kat is naked backstage, and oblivious to the camera. Mae Young is clothed and I’m damn happy. Quick, name the five male wrestlers on this show that Mae has outlived! Depressed? Well, ya should be.
-Alright, let’s kick this crap up a notch. The WWE World Tag Team Titles are on the line in a triple ladder match, with the Dudley Boyz vs. The Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian. This is the in-ring Mania debuts for all six men, and expectations were high given the stipulations. Given the lackluster nature of the show thus far, the fans may have let their guard down here. That would change.
-Before we get to the crazy fun of this match, I’d like to point out that Edge’s hat makes him look like an extremely feminine version of Lemmy Kilmister. Christian won the coin toss, and chose the ridiculous Euro-style sunglasses. Good choice, Captain Charisma.
-Whisper in the Wind and the Bubba Butt Bomb come out early. That’s fine, get the routine spots over with. It’s the un-routine stuff that we’re waiting for. Like Jeff landing Poetry in Motion into a ladder onto Bubba Ray. That’s sick spot number one, and I’m gonna quit counting while I’m ahead.
-YEEE-OUCH. Jeff misses a 450 splash on Bubba and crashes on the ladder. This might be the night Jeff may consider a Percocet or two. Or six. Or a hundred. Whatever he can handle. Then Bubba hits a back splash onto the ladder, crushing Jeff. That’s something these two can reminisce about in TNA as they watch Ric Flair throw half speed chops with his pectorals resembling sting-ray wings.
-Christian launches over the top with a crossbody on Matt and Bubba. Me? I’m just waiting for Edge and Matt to slug it out so that can make the requisite jokes that became en vogue in about five years.
-Matt lands a sitout hammer bomb on Edge off of the ladder. There’s not enough there to make a Lita joke, but don’t worry, I’m not blind to trying. Blind is what Matt was when it took him months to realize that Lita was running around with Adam. OOHHH, still got it!
-What makes this match special is that there was no “overbooking” in the sense that nobody was told to focus on getting one guy over. I miss this about WWE: they used to have matches like this and let everyone get their own stuff in to try and shine. That open door made a push attainable for anyone, so long as they didn’t screw up and kept the fans entertained. Nowadays, the office creams over Drew “Chirp Chirp” McIntyre just because he’s tall and looks like Jayson Werth on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Oh, how it used to be.
-All six men are climbing up, and they all get bumped off in crazy fashion. Then the Dudleyz nail Edge with 3D. Then we get 2 ladders with a reinforced table on top as a special platform. Act II begins.
-On the outside, Bubba powerbombs Matt through the Spanish table. Only four matches in? With Essa getting bumped from the show, was Vince on an anti-Latin kick or something?
-Bubba sets up a ladder in the aisleway that Tazz would estimate is about six miles high. I miss Tazz’s math skills. You can see where this is going: the iconic image of Bubba being put through a table as Jeff swantons off of the leader and through him. Remember this moment, because you won’t see it on WWE programming unless Jethro’s back in Vince’s employ. Ah, bitterness.
-Meanwhile, back inside, Matt drops D-Von with the Twist of Fate and then races Christian up the ladders and onto the platform. Edge is right behind Matt and Matt is oblivious to him (haw haw haw), so Edge shoves him off through a table, the brothers Copeland-Reso win their first tag team titles. Incredible match with no real flaws, except for Bubba ignoring the belts just so he can set up a painter’s ladder in the aisleway. It definitely woke the crowd up after a fairly slow start, so let’s hear it for small miracles.
-Linda McMahon’s advice to Mick Foley: “Mick, go get em”. That’s why they call her “One Take Linda”.
-Next up, the only singles match of the night, and it’s between Terri and The Kat. Seriously. Val Venis is the ref. Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah are working the corners. Oh, let’s just get this one over with….
-The only way to win is to throw your opponent out of the ring. I don’t know what’s sadder: the lame way for somebody to win, or the fact that Dean Malenko once lost one of these matches without realizing it. Ah, WCW, you could make ANYONE look stupid.
-So Mae kisses Val and Terri wins after some chicanery. Good lord, you can’t book a clean finish in THIS match? Terri has her pants torn off as a consolation for us having to sit through it. Poor Val. Before the show, there’s no doubt he was begging Vince “PLEASE, can I be in the hardcore clusterfrig? I don’t need to win the belt, it’s ok! I’ll even let Pete Gas hit me with the oscillating fan, just PLEASE?!?!”. I don’t blame em.
-The Radicalz are annoyed with Eddie Guerrero for his fixation with Chyna. Well, isn’t it obvious that Eddie would go for the bulky, shrill succubus with a grating personality? It’s the story of his life.
-So now we have Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, and Eddie Guerrero against Chyna and Too Cool. On the morality depth chart, I guess I go with Scotty first and Deano second, but the bottom four? Wow. That’s like a ward at Matawan all by itself.
-Eddie immediately tags out when Chyna comes in. I would have too. Maybe Eddie’s seen The Crying Game, much like I have. If Chyna came along ten years later, she could have played a Lady GaGa role, wherein she dresses like a skank, does it for attention, and no one knows what gender he/she/it is. Actually, that was kind of her gimmick in the first place, wasn’t it?
-Sexay and Scotty have to sell the abuse while Chyna gets to do the damage. No wonder nobody liked her. I marked so hard when Jericho beat her for the IC Title at Armageddon. I remember yelling so loud that I woke my Dad up and he threatened to strangle me. Sixteen year old Justin couldn’t be deterred, however, even if his dad looks like Richard Gere and Mirko Cro Cop had a kid.
-Malenko and Saturn could not WAIT to leave WCW and the horrible mismanagement and politics. Finally, they make it to the WWE, where they’re hit with a double Worm chop by Scotty. That’s like being an immigrant who makes it to Ellis Island and some kid throws a bucket of piss into your face. Huddled masses, indeed.
-Finally, things come to a head with Eddie and Chyna in there, as she lands a powerbomb, testicle squeeze, and sleeper slam for the win. Eddie would later go on to beat Brock Lesnar to become WWE Champion. So the food chain looks like Chyna > Eddie Guerrero > Brock Lesnar > Randy Couture. Man, Chyna’s in the wrong line of work. Decent enough match.
-Now for a little something different: three more WrestleMania debuts as Kurt Angle defends his IC and European Titles in a two fall match against Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho.
-NOTE: In seven of the next eight WrestleManias, I will be reviewing matches that feature Chris Benoit. Some of you may be uncomfortable reading them, and you are free to skip over them in my rants. But, in my opinion, it’s wrong to ignore a part of history, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I look at it like this: Steve Austin, in 2002, could have been a couple of hard punches and one freak mishap away from killing Debra, scary as it is to say. Wrestling has been full of abusive men and women, and though they’re not murderers like Benoit, it’s wrong to say that they’re any better as people than he was. Everybody has the capacity to kill. Some come close. Benoit happened to. My reviews will be unflinchingly unbiased and provide an accurate account of history, and it is what it is. So there.
-First fall is for the IC Title, and the crowd is beginning to die down a little bit. Sign in the crowd reads “SAVATAGE IS JERICHO”. I don’t know who should feel more insulted, Savatage or Fozzy.
-Really intricate stuff from all three men, who go into each next move without any hesitation or awkwardness. It also features a lot of moves that I miss, like Jericho’s double underhook backbreaker. Now why doesn’t he use that anymore?
-Jericho goes hard off the top into the announce table from a Benoit shove. Looked nasty. Good stuff so far.
-Jericho slaps a hold on Benoit that reminds you to log onto camelclutchblog.com for the best in sports news and opinions, as well as thoughts on American Idol. Thanks a lot, Brett. You don’t see me writing a Dancing with the Stars blog, do you?
-After Angle goes over the railing, Benoit lands a diving headbutt on Jericho to secure the IC Title. Benoit’s theme plays, even though the match isn’t over. Speaking of Benoit and music, how do you think Our Lady Peace felt when they heard about the tragedy? It’s gotta feel weird, for sure.
-Angle begins to get aggressive, having lost one belt without being pinned. Jericho soon takes control with a roundhouse on Benoit and a double powerbomb for Angle. I think it was clear that Jericho was getting one belt, since you can’t have heels take both. It would bury Jericho. Ummm, not that it’s stopped them before….
-The ref is bumped and Benoit snares Jericho in the Crossface, who taps with no ref. Doncha hate when that happens?
-Indeed, Jericho gets the European title with a lionsault on Benoit. Solid match, but it was a bit rushed and too short. Still, can’t go wrong with these three.
-Vince says that tonight, he’s going to make things right. That’s when it occurs to me that what I think is right and what Vince thinks is right are never the same.
-Lemme just run through the next match in a hurry: Rikishi and Kane vs. X-Pac and Road Dogg. Dogg tosses salad, X-Pac rides Rikishi’s face, Tori of DX tosses salad, X-Pac gets tombstoned and pinned, Too Cool and a chicken dance with Rikishi, Kane is wary of the chicken, Pete Rose runs in, Pete Rose tosses salad. Saved you a total of eight minutes of inanity. Tori at least atoned for her crappy match from last year by taking the Stinkface. She is now absolved.
-Quick note: I’m writing this on the birthday of one of my most cherished readers, a Mr. Ron Cosby, who supports my writing as much as anyone. Ron, here’s a shout out for you. That said, the Braves suck. Happy birthday, my man.
-After Rocky cuts the requisite coked up promo, it’s main event time: Vince vs. Linda vs. Shane vs. Stephanie. Wait, no, my bad, that’s just what it SEEMED like. It’s The Rock vs. Mick Foley vs. Big Show vs. Triple H for the WWE Title, with elimination rules applying. Conventional wisdom says that Rock goes over to win the title. Conventional wisdom, yes.
-Showman brawl kicks things off, as with larger than life characters, the fast paced punch and kick stuff is a sure bet to open any match. At this point, Rock and Hunter were at their peaks as performers, and Mick could still go. Show’s going to impede things a bit, however.
-Well, scratch that. Show just took a Rock Bottom to become the first casualty, not even five minutes into the match. Man, Vince couldn’t have hammered that point in anymore without giving Paul Wight a shirt that read “USELESS AND UNMOTIVATED” on the front. For all the good Show was, maybe they should have gone with Shane as the fourth participant?
-Down to a respectable three, and Rock n Sock beat down Schlock. Sorry, wanted a rhyme and I think the nickname’s apt.
-Now for a semi famous spot that nearly did Foley in: he tries to leap from the top rope through Hunter on the ringside table, but doesn’t get enough push to the dive and falls short, slamming his sterum into the table. That looked so horribly painful, even moreso than his usual blood-bathy stuff. But don’t worry, Mick still made it to Disney the next day! BANG BANG!
-After Rock and Mick double cross each other and slug it out, Foley is victimized by a pair of Pedigrees to end his career. Again. Until 2004. Foley destroys Hunter with the barbed wire 2X4 before leaving, just to make us happy. Well, Mick didn’t decapitate him, but I guess it’ll have to do.
-Mick leaves with a hearty bang bang to the crowd, and Linda claps. See? She CAN display emotion. Sometimes.
-Rock and Hunter remain and, I’m sorry, but proceed to have maybe the most boring match in their entire 2 or 3 years of feuding, and that includes their thirty minute draw at Fully Loaded 1998. Crowd brawling, slow slugging, etc. It’s like they really felt the need to stretch this one out. Sorry, but it wasn’t topping the earlier title matches, which were all insanely crazy and fun and innovative. This is just dragging.
-Shane returns to ringside and smashes his dad with a chair. Didn’t work Shane, he still wants to start that football league with your inheritance.
-As Vince is taken away and bloody, Rock fends off Shane’s interference and takes control on Hunter, with the title in reach. But here comes Vince again! He’s going to get rid of Shane and….hit Rock with a chair? Crowd’s stunned. Rock kicks out, but a second chair shot inexplicably keeps him down for the pin so that HHH retains. Well, that was certainly ballsy.
-Afterward, Rock beats up Vince and Shane, and then Rock Bottoms Stephanie, just for making that stupid face after Vince bashed Rock with the chair. It’s the same face she makes when one of the ring crew guys informs her that the tanker truck full of tapioca pudding is waiting for her in the parking lot. Always a good day for Stephanie.
-CYNIC SAYS: Well, I’ll say this: I hate the ending, but it makes WrestleMania more dramatic these days. You can never rest assured that the babyface will win in the end, because you can say “Well, Hunter won in 2000….” and the ending is left in doubt. So that’s an advantage.
Honestly? I think Vince wanted the shock ending because WCW was pre-empted the next night during the relaunch phase, and he wanted to see if the fans would tune in in droves to see if Rock would try for his comeuppance on Hunter and the gang.
As a show, it had its ups and downs. The ladder match and Eurocontinental match were both great. The Hardcore Title match was fun. The World Title and six man tag were decent. Everything else could have been excised. It was a weird “middling” show in an era where WWE kicked WCW around with ease, but it didn’t hurt them at all. In fact, it helped set up a hot summer that led to many more great shows.
Especially the next WrestleMania on this tour.
Justin Henry has been an occasional contributor to Camel Clutch Blog since 2009. His other work can be found at WrestleCrap.com and ColdHardFootballFacts.com. He can be found on Twitter, so give him a follow.
If the WWF could be declared winners of the Monday Night Wars just one year prior to WrestleMania 2000, then the current time period would be akin to smashing WCW’s corpse into powder with a shovel. In August 1999, WCW let one of their best talents slip through the cracks, as Chris Jericho arrived in the World Wrestling Federation to much fanfare, almost immediately rising to a high profile level that he never got to sniff in Eric Bischoff’s dwindling circus.
Five months later, in January 2000, after a booking shake-up and a rash of upper card injuries, chaos reigned in WCW at one of the company’s weakest thresholds. In the turmoil, beleaguered man-in-charge Bill Busch granted releases to four men that helped salvage the horrible booking with their in-ring work: Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, and Eddie Guerrero. The four men would appear in the WWF two weeks after their exodus, and would be dubbed “The Radicalz” upon entry.
Life was already grand, however, for Vince McMahon. Although Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Undertaker would miss this year’s WrestleMania with serious injuries, and with Mick Foley retiring after having one last match at the big event, the WWF still had enough reserve to move forward. Triple H was hitting his stride as the top villain, heading into Anaheim already in his third WWF Championship reign. By his side was Stephanie McMahon, who underwent a curious heel turn in the winter to become Hunter’s conniving wife.
The two formed a power couple, running roughshod over the WWF. As they and the rest of DX thrived, the fans still had The Rock, Foley, tag team sensations like The Hardy Boyz, Edge and Christian, Too Cool, and a new star in Rikishi (the returning Fatu).
WWF Attitude yet reigned supreme.
THE EVENT Triple H narrowly survived two encounters with Cactus Jack (one a street fight, the other in Hell in a Cell where he “retired” Foley) to carry the WWF Championship into WrestleMania 2000. The Rock also won the 2000 Royal Rumble, eliminating the Big Show in controversial fashion in the closing moments.
While logic would dictate that Rock vs. Triple H was the sensible main event for the biggest card of the year, that controversial ending would rear its ugly head. Show protested for weeks, using scores of evidence to convince Triple H (running the show after Vince McMahon “walked out”, distraught over Stephanie’s turn) to give him a match with The Rock to determine the true #1 contender.
At No Way Out 2000, Show defeated Rock, after Shane McMahon interfered on Show’s behalf. Rock would work his way back into the title picture by getting yet another match with Show, this time with the seething Vince McMahon himself prodigally returning. McMahon took his own son out, took over as referee, and counted Rock’s pin.
The following week, Linda McMahon came into the picture, supporting Mick Foley in his bid to finally headline WrestleMania, unretiring him for that one night.
So the final picture was Triple H (with Stephanie) vs. The Rock (with Vince) vs. Big Show (with Shane) vs. Mick Foley (with Linda) for the WWF Championship.
While the main event was somewhat tempered by this development (even dubbed as “A McMahon in Every Corner”), the rest of the card shaped up to accentuate the fresh faces.
Kurt Angle, an Olympic gold medalist, had made his in-ring debut in November 1999, and he hit the ground the running. Taking on the persona of an oblivious goody-goody who brags about his accomplishments while being unable to figure out why the world finds him so obnoxious, Angle ascended the WWF ranks swiftly, capturing the European and Intercontinental Titles with three weeks of each other.
A double champion, Angle was given a double challenge for the new millennium’s first WrestleMania: a two fall match. Angle would defend both belts in concurrent triple threat matches with charismatic rock star Chris Jericho, and machine-like sadist Chris Benoit. The three fine technicians would compete for the Intercontinental belt in fall one, and then the European title right afterward.
Also on the WWF’s “must fly list” were three tag teams that were on the cusp of being made true stars. The WWF World Tag Team titles resided with the Dudley Boyz, fairly fresh from a groundbreaking run in ECW. They would be paired together against Edge and Christian, who ditched their “Lost Boys” visage in favor of being self-deluded bro-ski’s, and the Hardy Boyz, who became teen idols for their youthful flair, as well as their daredevil antics.
The match would attempt to raise the bar set by Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon ten years prior: a triple threat ladder match, with plenty of other weapons handy.
Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler brought the action from ringside, while junior ring announcer Lillian Garcia kicked the show off with “America the Beautiful”. Rapper Ice T was on hand for a live performance before the opening match, while Pete Rose made his third consecutive appearance. Not only did he eat a chokeslam this year, he also ate a stinkface.
Big Bossman/Bull Buchanan def. The Godfather/D-Lo Brown in 9:05
(This might be the most random opener in the history of WrestleMania. I have nothing nice to say about this match, so I’ll just say that the “ho” that resembled Li’l Kim was quite stacked)
WWF Hardcore: Hardcore Holly won a “duration challenge” over Crash Holly, Bradshaw, Faarooq, Tazz, Viscera, Mosh, Thrasher, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Pete Gas, Rodney, and Joey Abs in 15:00 to win the title
(This is notable for Tim White screwing up the final count (Crash was initially supposed to win), and for Funaki winning a belt. Everybody move your lips randomly………..IN-DEED!)
T&A def. Head Cheese in 7:05
(Two teams with the worst names for tag teams have one of the worst matches that two teams with those names could possibly have. But hey, twas the PPV debut of Trish Stratus. Woooo!)
WWF World Tag Team/Triple Ladder Match: Edge & Christian def. The Hardy Boyz and The Dudley Boyz in 22:29 to win the titles
(And thus, a new standard was born. Crazy spotfest that was ahead of its time, although repeat matches of its type would blow this out of the water in terms of pacing. Slow as it was in hindsight, it was still an incredible match that elevated six young talents to a new level. See WCW? See TNA? Elevation! And besides, it spawned Edge and Christian’s “reeking of awesomeness”. So we have that)
Out of the Ring Challenge: Terri def. The Kat in 2:25
(What’s worse: Val Venis getting stuck reffing this, or the fact that this was the ONLY singles match of the show?)
Chyna/Too Cool def. Eddie Guerrero/Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn in 9:38
(Eleven years later, in order: a Howard Stern running gag, a burnt out 40 year old Dolph Ziggler lookalike, a forgotten “worm” guy, a dead legend, a fat and retired legend, and a man who was recently homeless. Yeesh)
Two Fall Euro-Continental Title Match: Chris Benoit won fall won over Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho to win the Intercontinental Title; Jericho won the second fall over Angle and Benoit in 13:35 to win the European Title
(And that was the story: Angle losing both belts without being singularly defeated for either. Good match, although Jericho hated it with a passion, as per his new book. Crowd was dead, but it’s Anaheim. You don’t expect fireworks in Anaheim)
Rikishi/Kane def. X-Pac/Road Dogg in 4:16
(Historical note: Tori became the first woman to ever take Rikishi’s stinkface. It was good payback for her lousy efforts one year earlier)
WWF World Heavyweight: Triple H def. The Rock, Mick Foley, and Big Show in 36:28
(An absolute shocker; Vince turned on Rock with two chair shots and realigned with his daughter and son-in-law. The match was WAY too long, and it dragged to a finish that satisfied no one, even if Rock did take out Hunter and the McMahons at the end)
ITS PLACE IN HISTORY
Clearly, with the bizarre booking, Vince McMahon either decided that a good swerve would shake things up, to defy fan expectations, or he no longer feared WCW and figured that such a non-pleasing set of events wouldn’t hurt his company any. In fact, Nitro was pre-empted the following night for retooling, so it seems Vince didn’t fear losing much of his audience.
While WrestleMania 2000 is often remembered for the changeover of talent (those in the ladder and two fall matches, especially), the main event stands out most as the “portrait” of the show. While the wrestlers did the work, it was the McMahons, namely Vince and Stephanie, that took hold of the spotlight.
In a sense, you can’t blame them. It was a self-congratulating moment when Vince embraced his daughter with a hug at the show’s conclusion, but the picture spoke in a clear tone. It said “We run this company, and we dominate this business. If we want to end the biggest show of the year by making the parting shot ours, then we will.”
Sadly, this would just be the beginning of a McMahon “overdose” that would occasionally worsen well after the death of the Attitude era.
Justin Henry has been an occasional contributor to Camel Clutch Blog since 2009. His other work can be found at WrestleCrap.com and ColdHardFootballFacts.com. He can be found on Twitter, so give him a follow.
-So it’s March 28, 1999, and we’re live from the First Union Center in Philadelphia, PA, where tonight…..you know….I can’t do this.
-I can’t sit here and write a positive rant about a show that I abhorred. It took place forty minutes from my house, though I didn’t attend, but I was still looking forward to the first Philly WWE WrestleMania. And it sucked. Bad. Vince Russo’s fingerprints were smeared all over this show and it reeked of overbooked crap. It festers even more so eleven years later, because the Attitude era is over, and most appeal that this show had is long gone.
-So I won’t be reviewing this crappy show.
-SWERVE! I’ll review it, I’m just pulling your chain. Russo executes his swerves about 35 seconds after the initial presentation, so I figured I’d do the same. Seemed appropriate.
-Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. Jim Ross was afflicted with Bell’s palsy three months before this show, and his face was still worse for wear. So instead of visual horror, we get verbal horror. To be fair, I’d actually wager that Cole only sucks when he’s with Lawler. Cole was fun with JBL and Tazz, and is doing alright with Josh Mathews now on NXT. Whereas Lawler dragged down JR for a few years until Ross found his temporary groove doing the Rumble matches with Tazz. Makes ya go “Hmmmm”.
-To kick things off, it’s the first ever Hardcore Title match in WrestleMania history, as Badd Ass Billy Gunn defends against Hardcore Holly and Al Snow. Gunn was actually interspersed in the IC Title arc and partner Road Dogg was supposed to be here, but Russo switched them around. You know, just because. Kinda like how he wanted WCW to get rid of the ring. Just because. He still has a job with TNA as of this writing. Just because. I’m going to beat this joke into the ground, Russo-style. Just because.
-Typical hardcore stuff for the time period, including some miscellaneous weapons and a hockey stick from Snow, prompting a “LET’S GO FLYERS” chant. Yes, let’s go Flyers. Let’s lose to the Devils in a year after having a 3-1 lead and watch as Scott Stevens turns Eric Lindros’ brain to horse feed. Ah, my youth was great. Except for having to watch shows like this.
-Hey, a springboard off of the chair onto Gunn in the corner by Snow. C’mon, Al, what do you think this is, a wrestling show?
-Hey it’s table time! Gunn BLASTS Holly with a chair shot, and then hip tosses Snow through the table. The crowd is alive! Wait for it….
-Gunn gets the Fame Asser, but Heatless Holly hits him with a chair and covers Snow to win the title, killing the crowd. Speaking of killing the crowd, remember when Holly and Gunn formed the most boring tag team of all time in 2004 on Smackdown? Neither does anyone else, since no one watched at that point. Match was ok, but nothing fresh.
-D-Lo Brown and Test won a battle royal on the pre-show to earn a shot at the Tag Team Titles against Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett on this show. D-Lo and Test don’t even have an issue here to exploit. At the very least, Test could have said “I’ll bet I have less charisma than Ivory!” and D-Lo could say “Yeah, probably”. Screw it, I can’t think of anything either.
-This is the final WrestleMania for both Owen and Jarrett. Owen, of course, died 2 months later in a fall before his scheduled match, and Jarrett fell off the face of the Earth in October, not having been heard from since. Rumor has it that if you close your eyes and listen close at night, you can hear Jarrett in the distance saying things like “Another reign for me won’t kill the business!’. I beg to differ.
-So sing it with me: argue argue argue, do a move, do a move, argue some more, it’s a douubbbbbble-teeeeeeeeeam, and Owen and Jarrett winnnnnnnnnnnnn! I’m doing jazz hands, but you can’t see them. D-Lo and Test would go on to….not feud. Not making the most out of an angle that began at WrestleMania? Russo, that’s brilliant!
-Highlights of the boxing prowess of both Butterbean and Bart Gunn, as they head into the Brawl for All, and Bean’s last contractual obligation with Titan land. You know, some people look back on the Attitude era with a much more bitter taste, since their natural maturation into adulthood has rendered the childish and piggish elements of this period moot. However, to watch Bart’s trainers in the video say that Bart’s going to win, while keeping straight faces, might shatter the wrestling hilarity scale. I’m willing to make such a scale if anyone’s willing to help.
-Among the judges: one hit boxing wonder Chuck Wepner, former Mike Tyson trainer Kevin Rooney, and the one and only Gorilla Monsoon, in his last major WWE appearance before his death six months later. Miss ya, Gino.
-Vinnie Pazienza is the ref. All of this is kinda pointless, since Bean puts Gunn down twice in 36 seconds, including a MURDEROUS final shot. Goodbye, Gunn. Have fun in Japan. All that’s left to note is that Cole calls Lawler “The Fight Doctor”, thus making him the only doctor in WWE history to never be investigated in a drug scandal. Other scandals, sure, but not drug.
-Mankind talks about his lifelong dream of refereeing the main event of WrestleMania. Calm down now, Mickles, not all of us can be Mike Chioda. Sometimes reaching for the stars only gets your fingers singed off.
-Speaking of the refereeing gig, it’s up for grabs in a match between Mankind and Big Show next. Show was aligned with the corporation, and horse sense indicated that Show would do anything he could to win and then, later, help Rock retain the gold to keep it in the family. Hey, Keep it In the Family, that’s an Anthrax song! Appropriate, since everytime Show comes to the ring, I get physically ill.
-Show was really beginning to slow down at this point, as his last year in WCW was the time where his body started to bloat and his work ethic gave way. Remember when Rock would do those “Well it’s the Big Slow!!!!” promos? Worked shoots, to say the least.
-Mankind manages to lock on the Socko claw, but Show finds an escape with a piggyback and backward dive, crushing Mick hard into the canvas. If Show did that in 2006, Foley would not only be dead, but the first three rows would be splattered by viscera. Not the wrestler, the material.
-Now, with Show in control, you’d think he’d just simply brutalize him for the win, right?
-Well, Show decides to get a couple chairs, set them up in the ring, and chokeslam Foley onto them. The problem? Show was too lazy to bump the ref, and it’s a DQ win for Mick. Vince comes out and demands to know why Show would do something so stupid. My guess is that if Show won, he’d have to work twice, and ain’t no way that’s going to happen. So Vince slaps Show, and Show decks him. See, Show’s trying to get fired so he can collect unemployment! Lazy giant.
-We move ahead to the IC Title match where Road Dogg defended against Val Venis, Ken Shamrock, and Goldust. The other object of affection here was Ken’s gorgeous sister, Ryan. So who got her? Ken did! Okay, they weren’t REALLY siblings, but it’s still funny to think about. Kind of a Carol and Greg Brady thing there.
-Goldust and Val tangle for a bit, as I remind myself that these two feuded over Terri just six months earlier and it’s a forgotten point here. What was the deal with…oh right, Russo writing, gotcha.
-I should note that Blue Meanie is in Goldust’s corner tonight, and is I believe my only facebook friend to ever appear at a WrestleMania. Unless the rumor about Eric Darsie being one of Undertaker’s druids is true.
-This is kind of a weird match, as it’s technically solid, but nothing interesting is happening. You have a huge love triangle thingie going with Ryan involving some of the players here, and it’s all just structured, textbook wrestling. It’s like Orton vs. HHH from WM25, where you had soap opera opportunities out the wazoo and they made it a slow paced 1 on 1 encounter. It just doesn’t work.
-Shamrock and Val take a double count out for the first set of eliminations. I don’t think the feud ever settled between the two, and that this was the end. Shamrock turned face not long afterward, and Val….well, he kinda lost all character momentum. The number of careers that Vince Russo has effected is leaving me incredulous. He’s like wrestling tuberculosis.
-After a mishap involving Meanie and Ryan, Goldust is susceptible to the Road Dogg pin. Know why I liked Dogg? He rarely won matches clean, even as a face. He’d sell for everyone and win either on a fluke or interference from whoever his opponent had a beef with. The opponent always looked like a million bucks for rattling off that much offense on him. And yet, Dogg still remained over because he had the charisma. Brian James never gets his due, and it’s about time that he did. Starting here.
-Meanwhile, Big Show is arrested, which is dangerous when you consider that his plan to collect unemployment sucks if he’s in jail and can’t get the foods that he wants. I’m certain that prison limits you to under three entire hams a day.
-The Triple H-Kane skirmish is recapped, leading to a couple of questions. One is wouldn’t Hunter be happy to be rid of Chyna? I mean, he CERTAINLY was two years later. I wonder how quickly he changed his phone numbers after WWE informed Chyna that she was out the door in 2001. The other is how Hunter was able to obtain Goldust’s costume for when he used the pyro gun on Kane. Why would those two get along? Didn’t Hunter offend Goldust and Marlena two years ago? My brain is frying.
-The San Diego Chicken does a run in on Kane, and gets revealed to be Pete Rose, and Kane destroys him. Geez, Kane, if you’re going to beat up members of the 1980 World Series team, can you beat up Larry Bowa for giving us crappy pitching rotations during his managerial stint? Thank God for Uncle Charlie.
-During the first few minutes of this one, Hunter and Kane have a contest: knee vs. boot. Who can hit more generic moves with their respective trademark body part? I’m intrigued by this concept, and so is the crowd, who are chanting….well, they’re quiet. Must be silent exhilaration.
-Match is just slowing to a crawl. Kane wasn’t in a position yet to open up his moveset, as he really didn’t have one. Hunter was still in a period where he had to be carried by a better opponent, so this “blood feud” is a lot like the last match, where generic wrestling takes precedent over a narrative and flair spots. My biggest gripe with the Attitude era, other than employment of The Insane Clown Posse.
-Chyna’s here. Suddenly, the ICP doesn’t sound so bad right now.
-Kane continues the common adage of the Attitude era, that being Article 7, Paragraph 2, Section 17, Rule C: Every heel must try to use the ringsteps as a weapon in a big match.
-Triple H continues the common adage of the Attitude era, that being Article 7, Paragraph 2, Section 17, Rule D: Every babyface must counter the ringsteps by causing the heel to hit his face on them.
-Referee Teddy Long continues the common adage of the Attitude era, that being Article 7, Paragraph 2, Section 17, Rule E: Every referee must ignore use of the ringsteps during any match.
-So Chyna comes in with a chair, and anyone with half a brain can see where this is going. Russo, however, was surprised at the development, even though he wrote it. Chyna hits Kane with the chair for the DQ and reunites with Hunter. Hunter’s reaction: “……..great”. Match was a little too plodding, but possibly enough for the coveted award of “Fourth best match we’ll see tonight”. If Kane wins it, I’m iffy. If Dino Bravo wins it, I’m borderline suicidal. For good reason, too.
-Vince McMahon announces himself as guest referee for the main event as Kevin Kelly does a live report. My question: was Vince just hanging around the vacant area? Why would a man of his stature just loiter around random spots of the building alone? Does he hide in corners and question his manhood? Does he need a quiet place to play pong on his Blackberry? WE NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS!
-For those of you who extol the virtues of women’s wrestling and, hell, women’s lib in general and believe that the genders are equal and thus deserving of equal attention, feel free to pretend this next portion did not happen.
-Sable defends her prestigious (HA) Women’s Title against Tori. Not Torrie. Not Torrie Wilson. Just Tori. Not the smokin’ hot Idaho blond with the amazing curves and winning smile. I’m talking about Tori, the woman who looks like Hilary Swank after set the world record for “Holding Most Lemon Wedges in One’s Mouth”. Also, she’s wearing a gray catsuit to hide her manish muscles, and not look out of place against a Playboy Playmate. This is already a bad omen.
-Tori’s first task is to be repeatedly kicked to the floor by Sable, and she does it well. And by “well”, I mean “At least she didn’t sustain an aneurysm from blinking”.
-Sable’s far less motivated than last year, but how can she really be at her best when she has to carry the uncarryable? Sable was nearing the end anyway, as ego would soon drive her out of WWE. I wonder if the implants had to sign a no compete clause.
-Tori can’t even stick the landing on a Sable Bomb cover. It’s like the universal suck of both Bella Twins comprised into a succubus. I’m in awe.
-Just in case I didn’t know I was among the damned, here comes Nicole Bass to beat up Tori. In Hell, if you can’t do a four minute match on the biggest show of the year, you get beaten up by Tony Little’s evil twin. Sable wins, and I’m just glad that it’s over.
-Kevin Kelly interviews the classic five crew of DX before X-Pac’s match. Hunter does all the talking, which should tell you all that you need to know about X-Pac’s promo skills. Or at least WWE’s faith in handing him a mic. Way to boost his confidence, guys.
-So get this: X-Pac’s facing Shane McMahon for the WWE European Title, and it’s the second best match of the night. Seriously. Shane had about 2-3 matches in his CAREER under his belt at this point, and he outperforms at lot of the stiffs that clouded the roster during this period. I think now would be a good time to acknowledge the fact that X-Pac, while a notorious heat seeker, was a tremendous wrestler who could carry lesser opponents to fun matches, even an inexperienced Shane McMahon. Sean Waltman deserves more credit than he seems to get, even from the spotfest loving smarks.
-Shane has Test with him, and Test is wearing Hulk Hogan’s Yappapi strap. WATCHA GONNA DO WHEN A LACK OF CHARISMA RUNS WILD ON YOU?!? So Test works twice and Show doesn’t? No wonder Vince always seemed to like him more.
-Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco try to attack X-Pac during his entrance, and they go down in flames. I realize that by using “go down” and “flames” in the presence of Pat is just opening a can of worms, but what can I say? I work blue.
-X-Pac and Shane exchange shots with the Yappapi strap, which immediately makes it better than the one Hogan and Ric Flair had one year later. I think TNA would be best served to have Hogan and Flair in the rematch on the ten year anniversary of the match, just for laughs. I mean, greatness. Yeah, greatness.
-X-Pac beats up the extended members of the Mean Street Posse outside the ring, and I’d like to point out that X-Pac has beaten up about 8 guys by himself so far. Who says Waltman is lazy?
-Test tries to interfere with a belt shot to Pac, but Shane can only get 2. Test’s further interference results in a roundhouse and a Bronco Buster. 9! 9! X-Pac has beaten up 9 guys! AH AH AH! Speaking of the Count, here comes Chyna, along with HHH. Whenever she comes out, I always count the number of days until I never have to see her in WWE again.
-MEGA SWERVE! Hunter Pedigrees X-Pac, proving that while X-Pac can beat up nine men, one Hunter is too much. I agree, one Hunter IS too much. Shane gets the cheap win to put more heat on himself. Good match, though Chyna’s double double turn still irks me. Because it’s Chyna. And Chyna herself irks me.
-And now, for something you’ll really enjoy. Well, not really. It’s Undertaker and Big Bossman in a Hell in a Cell match. This is notable for Cole pointing out that the cage is dangerous because you can get your fingers caught in it. Cole’s voice is dangerous because you can get your fingers caught in your throat trying to induce vomiting. True story.
-Bossman was just useless at this point, a one dimensional brawler who served as mid level fodder for the faces to get through on the way up. No shame in that, but in a Hell in a Cell match? Get out. They were better off having a blindfold match. Where the fans are blindfolded.
-Undertaker’s intro to his song is neat, as he urges us to allow the purity of evil to guide us. That was on a pamphlet I received for Hillary Clinton’s campaign.
-I can either recap the match, or I can summarize it in one paragraph. Ready? There’s about 2 ounces of blood, a pair of handcuffs break, they punch a lot, Taker’s slow, Bossman’s slower, the crowd is far gone, and I’m falling asleep just TYPING THIS PARAGRAPH. That’s pretty ambitious for a crap match. Way to reach beyond your grasp, gentlemen.
-Tombstone does Bossman in. Afterward, with the help of Edge, Christian, and Gangrel, Undertaker hangs the Bossman from a noose. Cole is so horrified and shocked that, while Bossman hangs, he immediately plugs the main event. That’s just so Vince-ish. No wonder he keeps his job.
-By the way, if you think about it, The Brood are like the Kardashian sisters: Edge is Kim, because he’s the star. Christian is Kourtney because he’s more than serviceable. That makes Gangrel Khloe, just for the teeth alone. Also, because nobody cares.
-And now, to save us from the crap….
-For the WWE World Heavyweight Title, The Rock defends the strap against Stone Cold Steve Austin. When in doubt, rely on the MVPs. I’m banking on it.
-JR! JIM ROSS IS HERE! HIT THE BRICKS, COLE! Jim Ross still looks bad, with half of his face sagging from the palsy, but you know what? Michael Cole suffering a stroke-like condition may actually IMPROVE his quality. As for Lawler, there’s nothing that can save him.
-First, Vince comes out to try and play referee, but Shawn Michaels (then commissioner) has him kicked out. Shawn accidentally encourages Vince to interfere, foreshadowing the ending. Pain pill addictions are not a pretty thing kids.
-Austin and Rock slug it out immediately, as only these 2 can do with such chemistry. The match is fast paced too, with brawling inside and outside the ring. This is better than the “decent” matches earlier that were just holds and moves without story and emotion. For those that criticize Austin’s more simplistic style, I say screw off.
-Austin and Rock don’t even take time for a breather, brawling behind the railing, and Rock finally clotheslines Austin back to ringside. Any brawl that’s spirited is automatically great. Spirit of any kind in a main event is always welcome. I’m just looking for ANY silver lining now.
-But no, it’s not over as Austin and Rock brawl up the aisle to the entrance way, and include it as a part of the match. Rock takes a hard shot into the giant logo, but Austin gets backdropped with his leg hitting a motion light, and it didn’t look planned or pretty. Good intensity so far.
-Rock takes JR’s water and spits on Austin’s face. Can you get Bell’s palsy from that?
-Austin puts Rocky through the Spanish announce table with 2 elbow smashes, and the fight continues inside, where Rock works the leg. Booo, not during THIS match. Keep the wrestling crap for the undercard! Wait, did I just agree with Russo? GAH!
-Rock Bottom gets 2, so the champ gets himself a chair. Austin gains possession of it after a skirmish and swings, but Rock pulls Mike Chioda in harms way, and Chioda’s dead. Speaking of dead, suicide enthusiast Tim White takes over. The segues don’t just write themselves, for those wondering at home. Rock only manages a two count on Austin after a chair shot, so Rock gives him Rock Bottom. That’s two down. Austin turns and lays out Rock with a Stunner, but no ref! Earl Hebner runs down the aisle like a madman and slides in, but only gets 2. Crowd is REALLY sinking their teeth into this one.
-Rock goes low to turn the tide, and here comes Vince again to lay out Hebner. If you’re Bret Hart, who do you cheer for there? Rock and Vince double team Austin, and here’s Mankind, clutching his ribs, to run in and drive Vince out. Foley takes over officiating, as was stipulated earlier. Wow, WWE’s abiding by their own rules! Banner day for all! Russo, that IS brilliant!
-Rock manages to land another Rock Bottom, but misses the Corporate (People’s) Elbow. Austin tries to stun him, but Rock tries to Bottom him out, but Austin elbows his way into a Stunner for the win and his third WWE Title. Incredible match that at least put a good ending onto a crappy show, giving us something to hold our heads high to.
-Afterward, Austin caps off a year of feuding with Vince by destroying him with a Stunner and celebrating with a few beers alongside Mick. At least the show ended on a good note. Not all WrestleManias did. In fact, there’s one coming up that’s of that ilk….
-CYNIC SAYS: WrestleManias 14 and 15 are a tale of two cities for sure. 14 featured a ton of organization and all of the right winners. 15 was a muddled mess of random swerves for the sake of swerves, boring action, and an indication that some aspects of the Attitude were in need of an overhaul. WWE was still crushing WCW by a wide margin, but had it been close, this show may have given WCW some momentum. You know, if WCW had a clue as to what they were doing.
When Russo left by year’s end, the WWE experienced an upswing in quality and continuity, and it led to one of my favorite periods in wrestling history. If that meant that shows like this would be fewer and farther in between, with an interest in long term booking and more compelling characters, then I was glad to see Russo go. Over ten years later, and this show hasn’t aged any better.
Check out the main event and maybe the European title match, but the rest is for the fearless.
Justin Henry has been an occasional contributor to Camel Clutch Blog since 2009. His other work can be found at WrestleCrap.com and ColdHardFootballFacts.com. He can be found on Twitter, so give him a follow.