In what has to be a first, a well known MMA fighter has signed a dual deal allowing him to fight and wrestle in a co-promotional effort. Former Strikeforce light heavyweight champion King Mo will wrestle for TNA Impact Wrestling and fight for Bellator under the terms of a new deal.
Twitter reporter or as he calls himself “hobbyist” Front Row Brian broke the news on his Twitter feed Wednesday. I have become a big fan of Brian’s reporting and in my opinion he is the tops at breaking stories in MMA. It is amazing at times how quickly he gets the news out as opposed to the journalists paid to do the same thing.
King Mo is currently serving a suspension for testing positive for PEDs. Mo was released from Strikeforce after he suggested that some of the questioning he received in his NSAC hearing was racially based. As a free agent some speculated that Zuffa would sign him back and move him to the UFC. Brian also reports that Zuffa retained matching rights and could have matched the offer if they wanted to keep him. The Bellator and TNA dual signing is certainly one that I never would have expected. Mo’s deal is a four fight deal for $90,000 to show and $30,000 to win.
According to Brian, Mo will first start wrestling for TNA Wrestling. Remember, he can’t fight for awhile as he is serving a suspension. His appearances on both promotions will act as co-promotion for each brand. Brian also reports that TNA is most interesting in starting a program with Sting and Mo first and then Mo vs. Kurt Angle.
I have to admit that I am already scratching my head at Sting vs. Mo. Granted, this is only an initial idea but I couldn’t think of a worst way to debut Mo. I can’t imagine that they could have a great match or anything close to what Mo vs. Angle would be. I can’t help but think Samoa Joe would have been a better opponent to use to introduce Mo. Additionally I am stunned that they would bring Mo in as a heel. The guy has natural charisma and has big time babyface written all over him. Again this is all preliminary but if this is the plan, it isn’t all that well thought out in my opinion.
I think the big winner here is Bellator who will have their star on Spike TV every week promoting the idea he will be fighting for real in their company. My hunch is that you will have more pro wrestling fans inclined to follow Mo to Bellator as opposed to MMA fans getting excited about watching Mo wrestle in TNA. I do think he’ll grab some MMA fans early on out of intrigue but it wasn’t as if Mo was a big draw in MMA to begin with.
King Mo is a big pro wrestling fan and should do well in the TNA Impact Wrestling rings. Mo was recruited by the WWE before getting into MMA and almost went down this road before. Mo is an accomplished amateur wrestler and has the potential to be the biggest star in TNA Impact Wrestling if they do things right.
Dave Meltzer describes Mo’s wrestling interests, “Lawal is a lifelong pro wrestling fan who always aspired to go into pro wrestling after the Olympics in wrestling. He failed to make the 2008 Olympic team, but ended up doing MMA, where he was Strikeforce light heavyweight champion at one point.”
Booking idea aside, I do like the idea that Impact Wrestling is going out on a limb here. This is uncharted waters for those in charge at TNA. That could be a good or a bad thing but at least for now, everyone is talking about Impact Wrestling and that is a very good thing.
I highly recommend following Front Row Brian on Twitter for the best and latest breaking MMA news and rumors.
Despite always being given away on free TV, there was a time when Clash of the Champions was considered one of the biggest wrestling events in the world, on par with big shows like Wrestlemania. The shows featured a little bit of everything, from title matches, to great undercard bouts, to main events that were pay-per-view quality.
In existence for thirteen years, the show was seen twice a year or more, clocking in at thirty-five total installments. Currently, it has more installments than any other major wrestling show in U.S. history, a record WrestleMania won’t break for another eight years. The first show went head-to-head with WrestleMania IV in 1988, and was a huge success, main evented by Ric Flair defending the NWA World title against Sting in a classic 45-minute draw, considered by many one of the greatest matches of all time.
From there, the show continued to put on major events several times a year, often featuring World title matches, or at the very least a main event starring the World Champion. Even as it got on in years and WCW’s quality began to dwindle at the end of the company’s existence, you could still count on Clash to be a fun, big time show that would cost you absolutely zero to watch. Even the worst editions of the event still featured one or two excellent matches, matches you could easily see yourself paying for.
This DVD set claims to be the “Best of” and it’s hard to argue with the claim. While some of your favorites may not have made the cut, it’s overall a very good collection of 24 matches spanning the show’s history. Hosting the set is WWE Hall of Famer “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes, which adds a nice touch to the set. However, for some reason, his appearances on the set are very, very limited. Despite the number of matches, Dusty only appears on the set seven times, and the appearances are very short at that. It would have been nice to maybe have him introduce each match, as the WWE has done in previous sets, as Dusty is still very entertaining to listen to, and about as good of a WCW expert as you could hope for.
Nevertheless, the collection has some really great moments on it. We get the aforementioned Sting/Flair classic from the first show, and also from that show, a great tag team match pitting the NWA World Tag Team Champions, Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard, against Lex Luger and Barry Windham. It’s matches like this that make you realize how good Luger really could be in the early years of his career.
Luger gets a second chance to shine later in the set, as he defends the NWA United States Championship against Ric Flair in another great one. The ending, which saw Stan Hansen interfere and cause a DQ win for Luger, takes the match down a little bit, but it’s still very good overall, and Luger more than held his own against “The Nature Boy”. There’s also some rare gems like Ricky Morton vs. Ivan Koloff in a Russian Chain Match, and an NWA U.S. Tag Team Title Match between the legendary teams of The Midnight Express (the Lane/Eaton version) and The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express.
A Clash set wouldn’t be complete without some great heavyweight championship matches, and this set delivers. We get Sting/Flair from 1988, an awesome “I Quit” Match between Flair and Terry Funk in 1989, and a title unification bout from 1994 as Flair and Sting went at it once more. Aside from those, there are numerous undercard title matches, including a pair of great Cruiserweight title matches and a surprisingly good TV title match between Dustin Rhodes and Lord Steven Regal. You also get one of Ricky Steamboat’s last matches as he took on WCW United States Champion “Stunning” Steve Austin in an excellent title bout that ended the outstanding series those two had.
Of course, even great sets like this are going to feature some duds, and this one’s got a few. For starters, we get a match between Cactus Jack Manson (Mick Foley) and Mil Mascaras that is beyond suck. Foley has stated in the past that Mascaras was very unprofessional to work with and that he absolutely hated this match, and it shows. It lasts a little over five minutes, and I am not kidding when I say that Manson got absolutely zero offense in.
The only highlight (if you can call it that) was seeing Foley take a horrendous back bump on the concrete outside of the ring, resulting in just a cringe-worthy “thud”. There’s also a really boring 15-man “Georgia Brawl” battle royal featuring mostly mid-carders no one cared about, and a quick and pointless six-man between the Fabulous Freebirds (Jimmy Garvin, Michael Hayes and Brad Armstrong as horrible gimmick #1,372, “Badstreet”) vs. Tom “Z-Man” Zenk and the Young Pistols (Steve Armstrong and Tracy Smothers).
Capping off the major duds is a match between DDP and Eddy Guerrero. While the match itself is pretty decent, the idea behind the match was completely ridiculous. These two were fighting over DDP’s “Battle Bowl” ring. Yes, a ring. The ring was originally supposed to represent the top contender to the belt, but it became worthless in short order as A) it was a standard ring, so you could barely even see it, and B) DDP, as “Champion”, often defended it against scrubs like Marcus Bagwell and Jim Powers.
Still, the good far outweighs the bad here, and is a great representation of how awesome Clash of the Champions could be. I would have liked to have seen maybe at least a match from each installment of the show, but that might have made the set too long. Oh, well. This is still a great set overall. While some improvements could be made, they don’t take away from the overall quality, which is pretty excellent.
Watching this set, I can give it a pretty high recommendation, especially to old school fans and DVD collectors. The amount of legends featured on this set is incredible, and shows you why they were some of the best of all time. Newer fans may not get into as much if they don’t recognize a lot of the names and faces, but I still encourage them to check out some of the all-time greats that helped pave the way for a lot of today’s current wrestlers. Definitely a thumb’s up on this one.
DISC 1
The Real Story
NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Sting
Clash of the Champions – 27th March, 1988
NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Lex Luger & Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions – 27th March, 1988
Why Wait a Whole Year?
NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Sting & Dusty Rhodes
Clash of the Champions II – 8th June, 1988
Russian Chain Match
Ricky Morton vs. Ivan Koloff
Clash of the Champions III – 7th September, 1988
“I Quit” Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
Clash of the Champions IX – 15th November, 1989
Mil Mascaras vs. Cactus Jack Manson
Clash of the Champions X – 6th February, 1990
NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Midnight Express vs. Rock & Roll Express
Clash of the Champions XI – 13th June, 1990
DISC 2
To Be The Man, You Gotta Beat The Man
NWA United States Championship Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Lex Luger
Clash of the Champions XII – 5th September, 1990
The Young Pistols & Z-Man vs. The Fabulous Freebirds
Clash of the Champions XV – 12th June, 1991
15-Man Battle Royal
Clash of the Champions XVI – 5th September, 1991
WCW United States Championship Match
Sting vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude
Clash of the Champions XVII – 19th November, 1991
Other Stars On The Rise
2 out of 3 Falls Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair & Arn Anderson vs. The Hollywood Blonds
Clash of the Champions XXIII – 17th June, 1993
Brian Pillman vs. “Stunning” Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XXV – 10th November, 1993
WCW Television Title Match
Lord Steven Regal vs. Dustin Rhodes
Clash of the Champions XXVI – 27th January, 1994
Elimination Tag Team Match
Sting & `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude & Vader
Clash of the Champions XXVI – 27th January, 1994
DISC 3
Here we are Again
Championship Unification Match
Sting vs. `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair
Clash of the Champions XXVII – 23rd June, 1994
WCW United States Championship Match
“Stunning” Steve Austin vs. Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat
Clash of the Champions XXVIII – 24th August, 1994
Hulk Hogan & `Macho Man’ Randy Savage vs. `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair & The Giant
Clash of the Champions XXXII – 23rd January, 1996
Medusa vs. Bull Nakano
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996
Match for the BattleBowl Ring
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eddie Guerrero
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996
I’m gonna watch this
WCW World Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match
Harlem Heat vs. The Steiner Brothers vs. Sting & Lex Luger
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996
WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Ultimo Dragon vs. Dean Malenko
Clash of the Champions XXXIV – 21st January, 1997
WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero
Clash of the Champions XXXV – 21st August, 1997
Diamond Dallas Page & Lex Luger vs. Scott Hall & `Macho Man’ Randy Savage
Clash of the Champions XXXV – 21st August, 1997
35th and Final Clash
BLU-RAY EXTRAS
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair and Barry Windham vs. Midnight Express
Clash of the Champions IV – 7th December, 1988
Sting and Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude and Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XVIII – 21st January, 1992
Thunder Cage Match
Dustin Rhodes & Sting vs. Big Van Vader, Paul Orndorff and Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions XXII – 13th January, 1993
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Listing March 5, 2012
By A. Pierre
Format:Blu-ray
The Real Story
NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Sting
Clash of the Champions – 27th March, 1988
NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Lex Luger & Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions – 27th March, 1988
Why Wait a Whole Year?
NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Sting & Dusty Rhodes
Clash of the Champions II – 8th June, 1988
Russian Chain Match
Ricky Morton vs. Ivan Koloff
Clash of the Champions III – 7th September, 1988
“I Quit” Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
Clash of the Champions IX – 15th November, 1989
Mil Mascaras vs. Cactus Jack Manson
Clash of the Champions X – 6th February, 1990
NWA World Tag Team Championship Match
Midnight Express vs. Rock & Roll Express
Clash of the Champions XI – 13th June, 1990
To Be The Man, You Gotta Beat The Man
NWA United States Championship Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. Lex Luger
Clash of the Champions XII – 5th September, 1990
The Young Pistols & Z-Man vs. The Fabulous Freebirds
Clash of the Champions XV – 12th June, 1991
15-Man Battle Royal
Clash of the Champions XVI – 5th September, 1991
WCW United States Championship Match
Sting vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude
Clash of the Champions XVII – 19th November, 1991
Other Stars On The Rise
2 out of 3 Falls Match
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair & Arn Anderson vs. The Hollywood Blonds
Clash of the Champions XXIII – 17th June, 1993
Brian Pillman vs. “Stunning” Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XXV – 10th November, 1993
WCW Television Title Match
Lord Steven Regal vs. Dustin Rhodes
Clash of the Champions XXVI – 27th January, 1994
Elimination Tag Team Match
Sting & `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude & Vader
Clash of the Champions XXVI – 27th January, 1994
Here we are Again
Championship Unification Match
Sting vs. `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair
Clash of the Champions XXVII – 23rd June, 1994
WCW United States Championship Match
“Stunning” Steve Austin vs. Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat
Clash of the Champions XXVIII – 24th August, 1994
Hulk Hogan & `Macho Man’ Randy Savage vs. `Nature Boy’ Ric Flair & The Giant
Clash of the Champions XXXII – 23rd January, 1996
Madusa vs. Bull Nakano
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996
Match for the BattleBowl Ring
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eddie Guerrero
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996
I’m gonna watch this
WCW World Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match
Harlem Heat vs. The Steiner Brothers vs. Sting & Lex Luger
Clash of the Champions XXXIII – 15th August, 1996
WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Ultimo Dragon vs. Dean Malenko
Clash of the Champions XXXIV – 21st January, 1997
WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero
Clash of the Champions XXXV – 21st August, 1997
Diamond Dallas Page & Lex Luger vs. Scott Hall & `Macho Man’ Randy Savage
Clash of the Champions XXXV – 21st August, 1997
35th and Final Clash
Blu-ray Exclusive Content
‘Nature Boy’ Ric Flair and Barry Windham vs. Midnight Express
Clash of the Champions IV – 7th December, 1988
Sting and Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude and Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XVIII – 21st January, 1992
Thunder Cage Match
Dustin Rhodes & Sting vs. Big Van Vader, Paul Orndorff and Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions XXII – 13th January, 1993
BLU-RAY EXTRAS
`Nature Boy’ Ric Flair and Barry Windham vs. Midnight Express
Clash of the Champions IV – 7th December, 1988
Sting and Ricky `The Dragon’ Steamboat vs. `Ravishing’ Rick Rude and Steve Austin
Clash of the Champions XVIII – 21st January, 1992
Thunder Cage Match
Dustin Rhodes & Sting vs. Big Van Vader, Paul Orndorff and Barry Windham
Clash of the Champions XXII – 13th January, 1993
Welcome to the 4-5-12 edition of Impact Wrestling. We get an video recap from last week, where Hulk Hogan became the new general manager of the company…again.
In the Impact Zone, we see Dixie Carter and Sting in the ring, with the roster surrounding the outside. Carter has asked everyone to out here to help her introduce Hulk Hogan. This is beyond unnecessary. Hogan gives some fans the “Kliq” high-five on the way to the ring, a move he has no business doing since he was never a member. Carter hands the mic over to Hogan. He says it’s nice to be the general manager on Impact, brother. He has to thank the Stinger, brother, because there’s no way he could step into this ring without Sting watching his back, brother. And Dixie, thank you for the second chance. There’s a lot of business to be taken care of. Impact is on a fast track, and the wheels are coming off the train. A lot of new things are going to be happening. Right now, the business at hand is Lockdown, so he’s going to take care of some Lockdown business, brother. He makes a match between Crimson and Matt Morgan for the PPV, saying this business will officially end there. He turns his attention to Gail Kim. He can’t figure out who the #1 contender is, or who should be in the ring with her. Tonight, we’re going to have a “Knockouts Championship Challenge” to determine who faces her at Lockdown. Moving forward, he needs to talk some things out with Eric Bischoff right now. Ric Flair pipes in and tells Hogan that Bischoff is not here right now, and Hogan can’t tell anyone what to do. They argue for a minute about Bischoff being here later, until Bobby Roode and a bunch of guys in suits make their way onto the stage. Hogan accuses him of being late, but according to Roode’s watch, he’s right on-time. Roode does what he wants when he wants, and if Hogan is wondering how Roode handles him being in charge, he should just ask the former GM about what happens when he gets pushed around by authority figures. There is nothing and nobody that will stop him from being the most dominant World Champion in the history of this company, including Hogan, and if Hogan doesn’t believe him, just ask Dixie Carter. His only obligation going forward is his match with James Storm at the PPV, where he will retain his title. Until then, the champ’s out of here.
Hogan tells him to hold on, “Mr. Late Bobby Roode Impact Champion”. Yeah. Things are changing around here. Hogan calls Mr. Anderson into the ring. Everyone here wanted Mr. Anderson, and the fans want to see Roode face Anderson in the main event. Hogan just basically called everyone in the company and all of the fans stupid with that remark. And he’s pretty much right. Hogan turns his attention to Kurt Angle. Hogan says Angle won’t wrestle Jeff Hardy at Lockdown; instead, Hardy will wrestle Angle tonight, and it will happen right now.
MATCH 1: Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy
Tie-up to start, and Angle backs Hardy into a corner. Hardy gets a clean break before going into the tie-up again. Hardy goes into a side headlock. Angle throws him off. Hardy shoulders him down a couple of times before hitting an armdrag into an armbar. Angle’s right quad is taped up, BTW. Angle tries to reverse the hold, but Hardy hangs on. Hardy with another armdrag off the ropes, right back into the armbar. Angle gets back up and backs Hardy into the corner before raking the eyes. Angle’s looking pudgy and scrawny at the same time. How is that possible? Hardy blocks a corner whip by holding onto the top turnbuckle and landing a headscissors before dropkicking Angle to the floor. He slams Angle into the guardrail, and Angle appears to be bleeding from the side of his head. Hardy slams Angle’s head into the steps before throwing him back in. Angle kicks Hardy as he tries to get back in the ring, sending Hardy to the floor. A bunch of blood now appears to be pouring out of the top of Angle’s head. Back in the ring, Angle hits a snap suplex for 2 before going into a rear chinlock. Not sure at all how Angle got split open. Commercial time.
Prototype 2 looks badass. I think I was one of the only people who really enjoyed the first one.
Back from the break, Hardy gets an elbow up on a corner charge, and follows with the Whisper in the Wind. Hardy barely connected with Angle on that move. Hardy ducks a clothesline, hits one of his own, a back elbow and another clothesline. Flying forearm off the ropes by Hardy. He sets up the Twist, but Angle shoves him off and hits the Dead Guy German suplexes. Angle goes for the pin, but only gets 2. Angle sets up the Angle Slam, but Hardy slides out and hits a sit-out Twist of Fate. He goes up for the Swanton, but Angle runs up to the turnbuckle and hits a belly-to-belly superplex for 2. Angle locks in the “patented” ankle lock. Sorry, but I have to say Jack Swagger puts it on better. Hardy eventually rolls through and kicks Angle off before nailing a reverse enziguri. Hardy goes up one more time, but Angle grabs referee Brian Hebner. Angle pushes Hebner away and tries to hit a low blow, but Hardy catches his hand and drops him with a few punches. Hardy goes for the Twist again, but Angle shoves him off and slides to the floor. Angle decides he’s had enough and begins heading up the ramp, resulting in a count-out.
WINNER VIA COUNT-OUT: Jeff Hardy. Guess the match is still happening at Lockdown now.
Hogan is in the back, applauding as Angle walks by. Hogan says matches aren’t happening like that, and he’s putting Angle in a cage with Hardy at Lockdown, and “It’s true, it’s really true, brother.” I think Hogan forgot what Angle’s catchphrase was. Angle begins to throw a fit.
We see Ric Flair in an office. He’s got Eric Bischoff on speakerphone. Flair wants to know where Bischoff is, and he’s got to get to the building right away. Hogan’s doing some stuff he and Bischoff need to address right away. Bischoff says, “I’m on my way.” I hope that, for Flair’s sake, Bischoff wasn’t watching Wheel of Fortune while he said that. Fans of The Simpsons will understand the reference.
Anonymous Interviewer is talking to Bully Ray. Ray tells him to call him “CALVES-ZILLA”, all in caps, and right now, that is trending worldwide on Twitter, even though he doesn’t even have a Twitter account. Anonymous Interviewer asks him to predict Roode/Storm at Lockdown. Ray predicts he will be the next World Champion instead. Right now, he’s going to the ring to take care of a “smaller problem”, and that is Austin Aries.
Back from the break, Bully Ray is in the ring. I’m not referring to him by his nickname at all anymore, unless it’s as part of a quote (and even then, it’s begrudgingly). He asks the crowd if they know who he is. Ray is confused as to why a small, little boy like Austin Aries would want to piss off a big, bad man like him. Ray has eaten chicken wings and taken craps bigger than Aries. Gotta love how TNA is playing the size card once again, the same way they did when Eric Bischoff was in charge on TV and completely buried the X-Division in several promos. Austin Aries makes his way out. Aries tells the crowd to be quiet before popping Ray in the head with the microphone and beating Ray down in the corner with punches. Aries goes up for some mounted punches, but Ray grabs him by the pants and hits a hoisted falling powerbomb. Ray grabs the X-Division title before asking Aries if he knows who Ray is. He then drops the belt on Aries before leaving the ring. Is that his new catchphrase? If so, it really sucks ass.
Earlier today, we see “Joseph Park” hanging around in the catering area. He tells the caterer that he’s looking for his brother Abyss. The caterer doesn’t know anything, so Abyss hands him his business card. I’m sorry, I meant Joseph Park.
Up next, a six-way Knockouts match to determine a new #1 contender.
Anonymous Interviewer asks AJ Styles who will win between Roode/Storm at the PPV. Styles says Storm has the edge, especially with his Last Call. Whether intentional or not, Storm is becoming a one-move wrestler in this company. Storm walks in and thanks Styles for the kind words, and that he also has a match tonight. Storm challenges Styles to a match to help get him ready for the PPV. Styles agrees and warns him he’s a lot quicker than Roode. They then make some stupid comments about the Last Call again.
MATCH 2-Knockouts Championship Challenge: Mickie James vs. Winter vs. Tara vs. Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky
Didn’t know there was a Parts Unknown in England. Also, Angelina Love’s new entrance “video” is actually Velvet Sky’s old “Holler/Hollering” video, only her name is in the graphic instead of Sky’s. I’ve heard of recycling entrance themes, but graphics/videos? That’s a new level of cheapness. Looks like this will have tag rules. Winter and Tara start. Tara with a top wristlock, which Winter reverses after biting the hand. Tara fires off some punches and a pair of clotheslines, followed by a bodyslam and a standing moonsault for 2 as the rest of the Knockouts come in to break up the fall. Guess this is one-fall to a finish. Would have been nice if that had been said at the beginning. Love tags in now, and Winter decides to tag in James instead of fighting. Love and James lock up, and then decide to break it. The lock up again, with Love turning it into a side headlock and a hip throw. James reverses into a headscissors. Love gets back up and goes to the headlock again. James manages to escape and get one of her own before knocking Love down with a shoulderblock and a dropkick. Love kicks her away off the ropes before tripping her, sending her throat-first into the middle rope. James ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker for 2 as Rayne breaks up the count. Love with a knee lift and a sidewalk slam for 2. Tara breaks it up this time. James comes back with a trio of uppercuts. Sky tags in and hits a seated dropkick on Love after a snapmare by James. Sky and Love are legal now. Sky clotheslines Love down, hits a back elbow and a shoulderblock. Love elbows her in the gut and hits a front powerslam for 2. Love tags Rayne in, and Tara tags herself in off Sky behind Rayne’s back. Tara shoves Rayne into Love. Tara hits a clothesline and a Spider’s Web for 2 as Winter breaks up the pin. Rayne thumbs Tara in the eye. Sky tags herself in off Tara, so Rayne tags in James. As James starts to come in, Rayne boots her to the floor. Sky stupidly tries to roll Rayne up for the pin even though she’s not legal. Rayne rolls through and knocks Sky back down. Rayne hits the Rayne Drop on Sky. Love comes in and hits a really awful double-knee backbreaker on Rayne. Tara comes in and hits the Widow’s Peak on Love. Winter comes in and hits a swinging backbreaker on Tara. James recovers and hits the standing tornado DDT on Winter. Sky comes in and hits In Yo Face on James, scoring the 3.
WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: Velvet Sky. Well, that certainly was a mess.
In the locker rooms, Anonymous Interviewer wants to know Mr. Anderson’s prediction on Storm/Roode. Anderson predicts the same thing will happen at Lockdown that will happen tonight when Anderson beats Roode. Roode walks in with his entourage, telling Anderson the security guys aren’t for him; they’re for Anderson. He gives Anderson a chance to walk away before he gets hurt. Anderson challenges him to a fight right now. Roode stands behind his security staff. Anderson says he understands Roode doesn’t want to do it back here, so let’s “wait to do it out there, for the whole freakin’ world to see!” Because, you know, nobody is watching this happening right now. It’s not like it’s being taped or anything. Anderson then says something stupid to the security guys.
Storm/Styles is up next.
I don’t even like The Three Stooges, but I can guarantee that everyone who was ever involved with that show are rolling over in their graves right now, now that this awful movie is set to be leashed upon us.
We see some TNA stars on the red carpet for the American Country Music Awards. Why is Kiss at this show in full makeup?
Last night, Eric Young had his bachelor party. He tells everyone what happens here, stays here. He’s sitting around with three guys on laptops and a bunch of candy. Why is Young’s beard always wet? They’re doing a fantasy baseball draft. ODB walks in and says this isn’t a party. She has some guys bring in cigars, chicken wings and beer. She then kicks all the guys out. ODB tries to look up porn on the computer. ODB says that, when they get married, every night in their house will be a bachelor party before shoving his face in her jugs.
Before we get to the next match, I’d like to throw in a cheap plug here (hey, if Justin Henry can do it, I can, too). In addition to CCB, I’m now writing for FitnessInked.com, a site that focuses on both fitness/bodybuilding and body art. Feel free to check it out. Comments/suggestions are always welcome, too.
MATCH 3: James Storm vs. AJ Styles
Why is Styles wrestling in a pair of gloves? Storm goes into a waistlock. Styles reverses. Storm reverses into a hammerlock. Styles escapes, but Storm quickly snapmares him and tries for the Last Call. Styles sees it coming and slides away. Storm goes into a side headlock. Styles throws him off. Criss-cross sequence ends with a shot to the gut by Styles. Styles goes back to the waistlock. Storm elbows his way out, but runs right into a dropkick by Styles, sending him to the floor. Styles goes for a slingshot plancha, but Storm rolls back into the ring, and Styles lands on his feet on the apron. Styles gets back in the ring and tries a kick, but Storm catches the boot, trips Styles and goes into a side headlock. Styles gets back up and reverses into a hammerlock. Chop to the chest by Styles. One by Storm. Storm comes off the ropes and runs right into a backbreaker by Styles (Mike Tenay: …”he catches him backbreaker-style”. No, he doesn’t catch him ‘backbreaker-style’; he catches him in a f**king backbreaker!) for 2. Styles hits a bodyslam and a jumping knee drop. Styles goes into a rear chinlock. Crowd’s way more into Styles here than Storm. Well, the couple of handfuls of fans that are making any noise, anyway. Storm looks for the Last Call again, but Styles sidesteps it and sends Storm sternum-first into the turnbuckle. He goes for a corner whip, but Storm reverses, slides out to the apron and hits a Ghetto Blaster. Storm goes up top, but Styles catches him with a Ghetto Blaster of his own. Styles climbs the ropes and looks for a superplex, but Storm slides out and hits the Eye of the Storm. Storm goes for Closing Time, but Styles blocks and turns it into a figure-4. Styles releases the hold and goes for a single-leg Boston crab. Storm slides out and goes for a clothesline, but Styles ducks and lands the Pele. Storm collapses in the corner. He ducks an avalanche by Styles. Styles misses an Asai moonsault and lands on his feet, but Storm lands the Last Call a moment later, getting the 3.
WINNER: James Storm. They shake hands after the match as Taz calls Styles a “former Grand Champ Champion”. Storm grabs a mic and says that, next week, he wants Bobby Roode in the ring to look him in the eye one last time before kicking his teeth down his throat. Insert stupid catchphrase here.
Hogan and Sting are in the back. Hogan needs Sting to go home and get healthy, as he needs Sting to be 100% to help him. Sting says it’s not easy, as he wants to be better, but the doctors won’t clear him to wrestle. Hogan tells Sting he might get better faster than he thinks, because Hogan “might put on a nurse’s uniform and nurse you back to health myself.” Does Hogan think about anything he says before he says it anymore? Hogan says he’s got this for now, but they’ll be in touch. Sting tells him to call him if he needs him at any point.
Up next, Mexican America faces the returning Motor City Machine Guns.
In the locker room, two fatasses are celebrating with James Storm. Anonymous Interviewer asks fatasses if they’re having a good time. They ramble on about something. Bobby Roode introduces himself to us. He reminisces about breaking a bottle over Storm’s head to win the belt. Storm then spits water in one of their faces. Apparently, they’re some country band called Montgomery Gentry. I care.
MATCH 4: Mexican America (Anarquia and Hernandez, w/Rosita and Sarita) vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley)
Good to see Sabin back. Always been a fan. Having said that, how is it that MCMG, one of the best tag teams in the world, only has one World Tag Team title reign to their names? There is no logic to that. Shelley and Anarquia start off. Anarquia shoves Shelley. Shelley slaps him, backs him into the corner and stomps him down. Shelley tags Sabin in, who hits a middle rope axe handle. Shelley with an arm wringer. Anarquia punches him and tags in Hernandez. Sabin kicks him in the gut and locks in a version of the Iron Octopus before trying to turn it into a sunset flip. Hernandez doesn’t budge, though, and picks Sabin up by the throat. Sabin chops him in the chest and hits a bulldog for 2. I hate Mike Tenay’s useless commentary so much. Shelley tags in, and they hit a series of strikes on Hernandez in the corner. Shelley tries for a tornado DDT, but Hernandez throws him off before hitting a version of the Pounce. Anarquia is back in. He whips Hernandez into the corner for an avalanche, which connects. Hernandez tries to launch Anarquia overhead into the corner, but Shelley moves out of the way, sending Anarquia into the turnbuckle. Shelley hits a step-up enziguri on Hernandez. Sabin tags in, knocks Anarquia down with a clothesline before dropkicking Hernandez off the apron. Elbow in the corner by Sabin on Anarquia before hooking him in the tree of woe and hitting a dropkick. He picks Anarquia up for the Cradle Shock, but Hernandez comes in and sets up for the Border Toss. Shelley manages to pull Sabin out of the move. Hernandez charges at Sabin, but Sabin low bridges, sending Hernandez to the floor. The Guns hit a pair of boots on Anarquia in the corner before Sabin lands a suicide dive on Hernandez. Back in the ring, the Guns hit a spike neckbreaker off the top rope on Anarquia, which is enough to get the 3 for Sabin.
WINNERS: The Motor City Machine Guns. How in the hell does Anarquia still have a job? After the match, Chris Sabin gets on the mic and says they want one thing, the TNA Tag Team titles.
Ric Flair is in the parking lot. He approaches a black SUV, which is apparently Eric Bischoff’s. Bischoff gets out as Flair tells him what’s going on with Hogan. Bischoff asks if Hogan knows if Flair is a 2-time hall of famer, or if he knows who Bischoff is. Flair tells Bischoff not to screw things up. Bischoff says that won’t happen, because he’s the psychological ninja. Tonight, he’ll put Hogan in a tiny box he can’t ever get out of. Yeah, okay.
The Raid: Redemption looks approximately 85 different kinds of badass.
Back from the break, Hogan is already in the ring. He says this place is alive, and the action is going crazy, even in the back. Everyone is ready for Lockdown. As Hogan is taking care of business, the man who was supposed to be here earlier tonight has finally shown up. Mr. Eric Bischoff, please come down here, brother. Bischoff says it’s ironic they’ve come to this point, opposite ends of the spectrum. Who would have thought that, looking back on their careers, someone would come up and say that, in 2012, they’d be facing each other on opposite sides of the fence? Not Bischoff. But now that he thinks about it, it makes sense. The differences between them are too numerous to mention. The biggest difference is Hogan isn’t a leader. People won’t follow him into battle, and he has no vision. He’s an opportunist, where Bischoff is a true leader of men with vision, power and the intestinal fortitude. Hogan calls him the leader of blowing hot air into the Impact Zone. Since Bischoff is such a great leader, Hogan is taking care of all Lockdown business today. So, instead of Gunner/Garett Bischoff in a cage at the PPV, Eric will lead a team, and Garett will lead another. This will make sure all of the business gets taken care of at Lockdown. As GM, Hogan is going to lay it out like this: if Eric’s team wins, Garett is gone from the roster. If Garett’s team wins, Eric is gone from the company, and he’ll never use the Eric Bischoff name again. Not sure how that’s even remotely legal. Eric agrees to the match. So, Garett Bischoff goes from being a loser of a referee to a loser of a wrestler main eventing the biggest PPV on the TNA calendar in less than a year? No, there’s no nepotism at work in this company. No, sir. Eric, you are no longer relevant and your son sucks at everything he does. Time for your family to move on from wrestling and spare us all.
Anderson/Roode is up next.
In case you haven’t had enough Roode/Storm video packages over the last few weeks, we get yet another one. This one features a bunch “candid, totally unscripted” comments from Storm’s family.
MATCH 5: Mr. Anderson vs. Bobby Roode
There are few wrestlers that I would legitimately wish bodily harm on. Anderson is in that exclusive group. Roode comes out with his entourage, but referee Earl Hebner forces them all to stay in the back. This allows Anderson to attack Roode from behind. Anderson punches Roode around the ring before slamming him into the guardrail. He throws Roode in the ring, and the match has officially started. Anderson with a couple more punches and a clothesline out of the corner. Roode comes back with a back elbow and some stomps. Suplex by Roode, and a jumping knee follows for a 2. Tenay informs us that Hogan has pissed me off even more by announcing a best-of-3 series between Team Eric and Team Garett over the next couple weeks. The winner of the series gets the advantage in Lethal Lockdown at the PPV. As Tom Servo would say, well whoopty sh*t. Anyway, back to the match. Roode whips Anderson into the corners a few times for another 2. Roode paintbrushes Anderson across the head a few times. They trade a few punches. Anderson hits a clothesline, a back elbow, another clothesline and a back body drop for 2. Anderson picks Roode up in a fireman’s carry. Roode slides out and tries for the Payoff, but Anderson slides out. He tries for a swinging neckbreaker, but Roode shoves him off into Hebner, knocking Hebner out. Anderson picks Roode up on the shoulders and hits a rolling fireman’s carry slam, but there’s no ref to count the pin. As Anderson is trying to revive Hebner, Roode slides out to the floor and grabs a beer from a “fan”. Anderson throws him in the ring, and doesn’t see the beer. Roode cracks it over Anderson’s head, revives Hebner, and gets the 3.
WINNER: Bobby Roode. Anderson’s been split open. Good. Add this to spitting on Dixie Carter to the list of things I like about Bobby Roode. James Storm comes out, with Hulk Hogan limping behind him. Storm flees the area before Storm can do anything. Hogan gets on the mic and reverses the decision. Like it matters.
Welcome to the 3-29-12 edition of Impact Wrestling. Last week, we ended on a “cliffhanger”, that being Hogan as the new GM of Impact. Would he take the job? Would he turn it down? Does anyone in their right mind give a flying f*** at a rolling donut? We will answer at least one of these questions tonight (the answer is “no”), oh, and there might be some wrestling as well.
We get a video package for the Dixie/Hogan/Sting fiasco from last week. Dixie Carter is horrifying in HD. Speaking of Ditsy, she’s in the back, telling Anonymous Interviewer that she expects a decision from Hogan tonight, and we’ll see what happens.
In the Impact Zone, Bobby Roode is making his way to the ring, flanked by “police officers”. Love the rental costumes, boys. For everyone that has contacted Impact Wrestling, stating that they want Roode fired, he has a message for each of them-“You can all kiss my World Championship ass.” Without him, this company is absolutely nothing. At Victory Road, he accomplished exactly what he set out to do, and that was physically and mentally beat Sting down. Not only did he win the fight, but last Thursday night, when Sting stepped down as the GM, that meant Roode won the war as well. He is a better man, a better wrestler and a better champion than Sting ever was. And Dixie Carter, you want to stick your nose in the champ’s business? You got yours. Keep your nose out of his business, because nothing and no one will stop him. What you need to know now, his lawyer stated last week that he doesn’t even have to be here. His only obligation to the company is at Lockdown in his match with James Storm. As far as he’s concerned, Impact Wrestling has become a hostile work environment, hence some of “Orlando’s finest”. The police are here for Storm’s safety. Last week, Storm called the champ out and wanted a fight. The last thing Storm wants is to fight Roode, and he knows that Roode is better than him in every way possible. Storm wants to run his mouth, but when you’re as great as Roode, you don’t need any luck.
Right on cue, James Storm’s music hits. He comes down to the ring, but the police officers have made a line between him and Roode. Storm questions Roode’s manhood, asking what kind of man lays their hands on a woman. As for the lawyer, we saw last week what happens when you send an idiot to do a man’s job. As for the mall cops, he’s not here to steal a t-shirt; he’s here to kick the living crap out of Roode. Bully Ray comes to the ring out of nowhere and knocks Storm down with a forearm. Storm sells it like a chair shot before no-selling it completely and knocking Ray out of the ring. Roode makes a hasty getaway as Storm is distracted. Storm challenges him to a fight for tonight. Storm then adds to it, asking for Roode and Ray in a handicap match. Roode and Ray agree to it before leaving the area.
Madison Rayne and Gail Kim are in their locker room. Rayne sits down and gives the cold shoulder. Kim says she knows the last month has been tough, so she got Rayne a present. Rayne opens the box, and it’s a tiara. Kim says she may be the Knockouts Champion, but Rayne will always be the queen. Rayne apparently loves it, and Kim says Rayne will beat the crap out of Velvet Sky tonight. Oh, and just so we’re clear for those not watching, this is the same exact damn crown Rayne has been wearing for the last two years.
MATCH 1: Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky
I think Sky had another boob job. Just saying. As Sky gets in the ring, Rayne immediately attacks her with forearms and a foot choke in the corner. Rayne botches the hell out of a jumping side kick off the ropes before choking Sky across the bottom rope. Rayne telegraphs a back body drop before Sky hits a pair of clotheslines, a pair of jawbreakers (I guess; not sure what they were, but they looked terrible), before hitting a seated dropkick for 2. Rayne immediately goes back on offense and lands a hip bump in the corner, followed by that stupid hair facebuster all women have been doing since at least the 80s. Rayne goes for the Rayne Drop, but Sky knees her off. Sky gets her feet up on a corner charge and takes Rayne down with a belly clothesline (?). Sky hits a bulldog (Tenay: “A faceplant bulldog”. Thanks, Captain Redundancy) before hitting In Yo Face for the 3.
WINNER: Velvet Sky. “In Yo Face” may be the worst finisher name in history. Christy Hemme stops Sky on the apron for an interview. Sky says Kim never gave her her rematch for the Knockouts title. She’s putting the entire division on alert, and she’s coming for Kim and the title.
In the locker room, Bully Ray is scolding Bobby Roode. He’s tired of being embarrassed by James Storm, and Roode needs to start taking things more seriously. Storm’s a thorn in their side, and they need to take him out. Roode agrees by saying “Let’s do it! Do it!” as he extends for a handshake. Ray calls him stupid before storming off.
Earlier today, we see Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan talking on a park bench somewhere. Carter says it’s ironic she’s asking Hogan to come back to Impact after everything they’ve been through. She’s never trusted Eric Bischoff. Hogan says they had a good run, but had some bad times, too. He participated in the bad stuff, and has to stand up for what he was a part of. Carter says that him separating himself from all of that spoke volumes, and Sting believes in him. Carter needs the real Hulk Hogan. This crap is putting me to sleep. Hogan talks about making peace with everyone, but she takes exception to that because Hogan didn’t leave her at a peaceful situation. That sounded really stupid coming out of her mouth. They banter on and on about Sting. Hogan talks about stepping into a dark cloud, blaming everything on Bobby Roode. Sting is her best shot. Carter reminds him Sting won’t do it, and help me, Obi Wan Hulk Hogan; you’re my only hope. Hogan’s instinct tells him the ship has already sailed way too far, but he will think about it. Carter asks him to at least show up tonight. Hogan agrees and says he will think about the decision. Carter immediately whips her iPhone for no reason.
We get a video package for the drama between Crimson and Matt Morgan. That match is up next.
Kurt Angle is in a locker room, telling Anonymous Interviewer he won’t give Jeff Hardy a match at Lockdown because he hates crybabies. But he has an idea. If Hardy can beat Ken Anderson tonight, he’ll get his match. However, if Jeff Hardy loses, the “Kurt Angle bus is leaving the bus station for good, Betty.” I don’t have clue number one as to where the hell that came from.
Christy Hemme starts to announce the next match, but before she can do so, World X-Division Champion Austin Aries’ music hits. He makes his way down to the ring and tells us he has a problem. We might be thinking that, after his last successful title defense, there’s no competition left, and we’d be right. However, he’s got a new problem, and that is Bully Ray. Ray is kind of a prick, and had to be embarrassed that he lost to Storm in about 2 minutes at Victory Road. Ray took out his embarrassment on anyone he saw fit, and last week, it happened to be during Aries’ title match. He’s Austin Aries, the X-Division Champion, the greatest man that ever lived, Mr. Money’s Worth, and when Ray kicked him in the face, he caused himself a problem. Aries might not be the biggest guy in the world, but he has a bigger set of balls than both of Ray’s calves combined. He speaks the truth and stands up for himself. It kind of reminds him of James Storm. He respects Storm as a guy who stands up for himself. He knows Storm wants to get his hands on Roode, he wants to get his hands on Ray. So, instead of the handicap match, Aries volunteers to be James Storm’s partner and make it a tag team match.
MATCH 2: Matt Morgan vs. Crimson
I’m surprised that, with Crimson’s undefeated streak, TNA hasn’t given him an inflated number in regards to how many matches he’s won. Morgan meets Crimson on the ramp and starts laying in the blows. He throws Crimson in, allowing the match to officially start. Crimson cuts him off with some boots and a choke. Morgan blocks a kick and hits a clothesline. Morgan gets in some mounted punches. We learn Aries’ challenge for the main event has been accepted. Crimson fights back with some back elbows in the corner and a forearm to the back. Morgan counters with a corner whip and an avalanche, before clotheslining Crimson to the floor. Morgan follows, and Crimson slams him into the ring apron and the guardrail before throwing him back in for 1. Morgan gets back up and hits a few punches, but runs right into a spinebuster for 2. Crimson locks in a cravat, hits a pair of knee lifts and a swinging neckbreaker. Crimson charges at Morgan in the corner, but Morgan sidesteps him, sending Crimson shoulder-first into the post. Morgan drops him with a pair of clotheslines and a sidewalk slam. Morgan charges, but Crimson sidesteps him and sends him to the floor. Crimson follows, and they battle on the floor. Morgan chokes Crimson over the guardrail, and they continue brawling up the ramp. Crimson looks for a piledriver, but Morgan back drops him as the bell rings, signaling a double count-out.
WINNER: No contest. The brawl continues up the ramp and out the arena doors.
In the production truck, “Joseph Park” introduces himself, then talks about how amazing these guys are. He then asks if they could tell him any information about Abyss, and of course, none of them know anything. He hands them a business card and tells them to call if they find anything.
Ooh, we get the world premier of James Storm’s music video tonight, “Longnecks and Rednecks”. Rhyming “necks” with “necks”? Damn, that’s clever.
MATCH 3: Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy
You know there’s a problem any time I root for Jeff Hardy, but unfortunately, this is one of those times. Why can’t he do us all a favor and injure himself while simultaneously nearly crippling his opponent like he did to Randy Orton? That way, we’d get both of them off our televisions for at least a little while. Of course, the difference here is, instead of Anderson being fired for being a f***ing clownshoe in the ring, he’d be given a World title run upon returning. Tie-up to start, with Anderson backing Hardy into the corner. BTW, has anyone noticed that the word “ass” gets bleeped on this show on a regular basis, yet Anderson can say (and ruin) the word “assh*le” as often as he likes with zero censorship? Yet another reason to hate him. Anyway, Hardy gets in a side headlock, but Anderson reverses into one of his own. Anderson turns it into a hammerlock, which Hardy reverses into one of his own and turns it into another headlock. Hardy with a hip toss off the ropes, but Anderson comes back with a drop toe hold and goes right back to the headlock. Shoulder block by Anderson, and a criss-cross results in a kick to the ribs on Hardy. Hardy reverses a corner whip and hits an avalanche, but misses the whipping corner dropkick, allowing Anderson to score a 2. Anderson goes into a rear chinlock now. I guess this is his way of getting back at Orton? Hardy hits a forearm and a back elbow, before landing an inverted atomic drop and a double legdrop for 2. Anderson catches Hardy off the ropes and hits a front powerslam for 2. A series of elbow drops follow, and now Anderson’s looking for the Mic Check. He goes for it, but Hardy fights out and goes for a Twist of Fate. Anderson blocks and they accidentally headbutt each other, sending Hardy to the floor. As the referee checks on Anderson, Angle comes down, low blows Hardy and sends him into the ring post before throwing him back in the ring while hiding by the ring apron. Back in the ring, Anderson hits the Mic Check and gets the 3.
WINNER: Mr. Anderson.
It’s time for James Storm’s music video, and it’s beyond awful. I’m not recapping this. Even if you’re a Storm fan, this is terrible.
We see Dixie Carter arrive in the building. At the same time, Eric Bischoff has just arrived.
We see ODB and Eric Young are meeting with a wedding planner. They begin looking at dresses. Young says he wants to wear the dress. . They then look at ring bearer pillows and ties for Young. She then says she does bachelor parties as well. ODB kicks her out and says they don’t need any of this. She decides they’re getting married in the ring, inside a steel cage.
Eric Bischoff makes his way down to the ring. Apparently, he has one final challenge for his son tonight, as Mike Tenay hasn’t been able to shut up about it for the entire broadcast. Bischoff tells us he’s an amazing man, and sometimes, he even amazes himself. It’s exciting to be him, and he’ll give us an example. He has the ability to manifest change and exert his will in a company with nothing more than a contract that says he gets camera time whenever he wants it. That little bit of power allows him to do whatever he wants, and it’s like a “psychological little ninja-type thing”. He’s going to clue us into the secret of his success. Every day, he makes a checklist of everything he wants accomplished that day. For example, he wanted Sting gone as GM. Check. He then wanted Dixie Carter to find someone who couldn’t even live up to Sting’s abilities. Check. And every day, he wants to increase his personal wealth. Check. However, there is one thing he can’t get checked off his list, and he’s going to fix it right now. He’d like to invite his son to the ring in order to do that.
Garett Bischoff makes his way down to the ring. Anyone else think of Maven when they see this tool? Eric is going to give Garett the chance to live a long, happy life and put all of this behind him. If Garett doesn’t take this opportunity, he will get hurt. At Lockdown, he wants Garett to fight Gunner (for the 812th time), with no outside interference. He can avoid the match by walking away right now. Garett calls his dad a jacka** (And yes, it was bleeped. See what I meant earlier?), and says Eric can’t seem to grasp the simple concept that Garett isn’t going anywhere. Being in a cage with Gunner isn’t going to scare him, and if Eric thinks it does, he’s dumber than everyone thinks he is. Gunner better bring everything he’s got.
The main event is up next, because L. Ron Hubbard forbid Hogan/Carter doesn’t go on dead last.
American Reunion: Because the cast members need work, and Tara Reid needs money to continue fueling her addictions.
We now get a video of James Storm training for his match at Lockdown in a shack.
Hulk Hogan has just arrived in the building.
MATCH 4: Bully Ray and World Champion Bobby Roode vs. World X-Division Champion Austin Aries and James Storm
Taz just referred to Christy Hemme as “Possibly the greatest ring announcer of fire in the history of ring announcers of fire.” I don’t even know where to start with that one, so I’m just going to move on. Apparently, James Storm’s entrance theme is the only one you can download, as he’s the only guy who ever gets his theme plugged on the show. Aries and Ray start the match off. Ray yells that he has a big mouth for such a small man. Ray immediately tags out to Roode. Aries goes to tag out to Storm, but Roode cuts him off with a forearm to the back. Roode throws Aries into a corner and stomps him down before picking him back up and hitting a shoulder thrust. Aries counters a corner whip and lands a drop toe hold. Roode tries to back drop him to the floor, but Aries lands on the apron and shoulders Roode in the midsection before flipping back into the ring. Roode stops his momentum with a clothesline and a stomp to the gut. Aries backflips out of a back suplex attempt and lands a rolling elbow as we go to commercial.
Back from the break, Ray has tagged back in. Aries hits an elbow to the back and numerous strikes to the head and gut in the corner. Aries charges in, but Ray gets his boot up, dropping Aries to the mat. Ray hits an open-hand chop to the chest before hitting a jumping splash while he yells at no one in particular. Ray throws him to the corner and tags in Roode, who hits a suplex and a jumping knee drop. Roode drags Aries to the corner and stomps him down. Roode stomps Aries in the midsection before tagging Ray back in. Ray lands an elbow to the back of the head before throwing him to corner. Roode starts talking trash to Aries, but Aries elbows him off the apron, goes to the top rope and hits a missile dropkick on Ray. Beautiful dropkick, BTW. Storm tags in and hits a bunch of punches, a forearm, an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline. Another clothesline before slingshotting Roode into the ring. Ray nails Storm from behind as he’s yelling at Roode. After a few shots by Ray, Storm quickly hits Closing Time, setting up for the Last Call. Roode grabs the beer bottle and takes a swig. He goes to spit it in Storm’s face, but Storm ducks, with Ray catching a faceful of foam. That didn’t sound right. Roode, while trying to apologize to Ray, then throws Ray right in the way of the Last Call, which gets the 3 for Storm.
WINNERS: Austin Aries and James Storm. In case you’re wondering why Storm has been not only wrestling in a shirt, but in short, one-sided matches, it’s because he’s still not completely healed from some injuries he’s suffered. This of course begs the question why, since he’s being touted for such a big match at Lockdown, would TNA even bother putting him in matches in the first place? Not only do his opponents look weak by losing so quickly (he beat both Kazarian and Daniels in about 3 minutes last week, after beating Bully Ray in 2 minutes at Victory Road, for those keeping score), but it actually makes Storm look weak as it makes him look like a one-move wrestler.
Back from commercials, Dixie Carter is in the ring, and she calls Hulk Hogan to come out. “Hollywood” Chuck Hogan (kudos to the four or five of you that get that reference) limps his way down as Dixie Carter can’t seem to decide what fake face she’s supposed to be making right now. Carter says she knows taking over for Sting as GM is a big decision, for both him and her. But, last week, she told Sting that if Sting believed in Hogan, she would, too. What she failed to say is that she really does believe in Hogan, and she wants him to take the job. She needs a decision right now. Hogan thanks the fans. He made some decisions he’s not really proud of, but at the end of the day, when Bound For Glory went down, he had to make a decision. He wanted to make peace with everyone, and that was it. He closed the book on this chapter of his life. Of course, Sting makes his way out, and he’s flanked by Matt Morgan, Jeff Hardy, Devon, Mr. Anderson, Garett Bischoff, AJ Styles and James Storm. Jesus, enough! Just get to the damn point! No more glad-handing and egotistical masturbatory aids. Either say yes or no, it’s just that simple! Sting then says, “Let’s just cut to the chase.” Kind of hard to do that when you interrupt him and bring out half the roster with you, Sting. Sting says Hogan isn’t going to deny Sting, Dixie and all these people. The writing is on the wall, so what’s it going to be, yes or no? Hogan asks if they’re talking a totally clean state. Sting nods yes. Hogan needs to know something before he makes the decision. Impact Wrestling has a huge dark cloud over it right now. No matter how deep the water gets, he needs to know one thing, and that’s if Sting will watch “Hogan’s back, Jack?” Sting says yes, but he needs to know if Hogan is going to run this company like “the eye of the tiger Hulk Hogan”. Christ on a cracker, end this! Hogan, after saying “brother” approximately 812 times, finally agrees to take the job. All the wrestlers in the ring suck up to him before he asks “Whatcha gonna do?”
Welcome to the 3-22-12 edition of Impact Wrestling. We get a video package from Victory Road last Sunday, which saw Bobby Roode defeat Sting in a Street Fight. I’m amazed TNA actually booked Roode to win since that, you know, requires logic. Other than that, I heard the PPV was overall really terrible.
After the opening video package, we get video of the closing moments of said match, basically telling everyone who paid for the PPV for this match, “You’re stupid for paying to watch us.” On a side note, if Dixie Carter is going to be involved in matches or storylines like this, can she at least buy herself some acting lessons?
Dixie Carter makes her way out to the Impact Zone, and boy, does she look like hell. I mean, more so than usual. She gets on the microphone, and is pretending to sound shaken up as she talks about how Bobby Roode is disrespecting everyone involved in wrestling. This leads to a “Fire Bobby” chant from the Impact Zone tools. She tells Roode he has disgraced the company, and she’s been talking to attorneys and her management counsel all week. There is only one right decision here…but before she tells us what that is, Sting makes his way out.
Sting tells Carter he’s never given her a reason not to trust him, but she shouldn’t fire Bobby Roode, because that’s letting him off easy. If Roode gets fired, no one gets the right kind of revenge on him, including James Storm and the fans (“We want revenge” chants. What did I tell you about these people and Sting?). Regarding other choices and decisions that are being made in regards to this company, the GM position just isn’t working (“Please don’t go!” Uh, what?). Before anything else can happen, we get commercials. Because, you know, it makes sense to cut in the middle of a promo. Why am I now getting the feeling that this will be another incredibly long promo to open the show?
We’re back, and Sting & Dixie Carter are still in the ring. Sting says she put all of her faith and trust in him to run the company, and he did the best he could up to this point. At Victory Road, something happened with this company. At Victory Road, the company came alive. Sting realizes he can’t be part-time GM and part-time wrestler (“You still got it” chant. My ass). He can’t do both if he wants to compete at a Bobby Roode level. As a result of doing too much at once, he’s got a concussion. He needs to go home and rest up, and when he comes back, he’s coming back better than ever. Haven’t we heard this before about six or seven times? When he puts his boots back on, he’s going to be 100% wrestler, and will continue to fight for TNA and Dixie Carter, but he’ll fight in a different capacity. Sting then steps down as GM as Carter tries to squeeze some tears out. He’s not going to leave anyone hanging, though. He’s been talking to the right person, the right man for the job. He’s got someone who can take the company to the top. He’s got someone who can read everyone like the back of his hand. He’s talking about one of the greatest of all time…no. Please, no. Not again. Sure enough, despite my wishes, Sting asks Carter to let Hulk Hogan take the reigns. That’s it. I officially hate you, Steve Borden.
Before Carter can even answer, the announcers begin going over the card for tonight, which will feature 3 title matches.
We see Bully Ray pacing in his locker room. He’s “Supah frickin’ pissed.” Tonight, he’s taking hostages, and he’s taking them out. He doesn’t “cayuh”. Tonight is not the night to be standing in his way.
MATCH 1: Four-Way for the World X-Division Championship: Zema Ion vs. Anthony Nese vs. Kid Kash vs. Champion Austin Aries
First pinfall or submission ends this one. I’ve always thought these matches should be elimination, no exceptions, but that’s me. Ion tries a schoolboy on Aries for 1. They are now brawling on the floor. Kash chops Nese and follows up with a clothesline and a rotation suplex for 2. Nese gets the boots up in the corner and completely biffs a top rope cross body. Nese back drops Kash to the floor, and Kash appears to have injured his ankle. Aries gets in the ring and chops Nese across the chest in the corner. Aries with a corner clothesline, but Nese gets his boot up on the second charge. Nese lands a corner back elbow and a running knee to the face for 2 as Ion breaks it up. Ion sends Nese to the floor and sets up the back suplex, but Aries slides out and looks for the brainbuster. Nese comes off the top rope, but Aries catches him and lands a DDT/reverse STO combo on them. He gets 2 on Nese before sending them both to the floor, where he follows up with a suicide dive on Ion. Kash gets back in the ring and is limping. He gets to the top rope and comes off with a top rope cross body on Aries. Ion hits a moonsault from the corner on Kash and Aries. Nese gets in the ring and hits a running over-the-top-rope moonsault. Nese gets Ion in the ring and goes up top, but Kash cuts him off and looks for the superplex. Ion gets under Kash, and Aries gets under Ion, resulting in the same multi-man spot you see in TNA all the time that they call the “tower of doom”. Bully Ray runs in and begins laying waste to everyone in the match except Aries, resulting in a No Contest.
WINNER: No contest. Eventually, Ray knocks Aries down as well before asking for a microphone. He asks the crowd if they know who he is. He’s been watching too many Randy Orton tapes. He tells us he’s Bully Ray before his Sabu music hits. Short, yet pointless.
We see Mexican America running to the parking lot, seeing their car getting towed. It’s being towed by some asshat from Repo Games. They play the game in order to win their car back. I did not miss hearing Anarquia’s voice at all. And who knew Hernandez still worked here? Anarquia gets the first question right, but the second one wrong. I haven’t been paying attention to the questions at all. On the third question, Anarquia incorrectly spelles “Guadalajara”, resulting in him losing the game. He offers a compromise-if they win the Tag Team titles tonight, they’ll pay this guy the money they owe to get their car back. He agrees. I love how Anarquia and Hernandez get a shot at the Tag Team titles tonight, despite not being seen in months. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, yes, this segment was pretty much as racist as anything involving the Mexicools.
MATCH 2-Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Rosita and Sarita vs. ODB and Eric Young
Rosita and Sarita need to stop trying to act sexy right away. We learn the wedding of ODB and Young will be next month. Young has serious bacne going on. Rosita and Young start things off. I wonder if she’s even tinier than AJ? ODB tags in and chest bumps Rosita to the mat. ODB throws Rosita into the corner and hits an avalanche. She misses the bronco buster, which allows Sarita to tag in and hit a couple stomps. Sarita totally botches an elbow drop before hitting a somersault plancha. Another elbow cuts ODB off from her corner. Rosita tags in and she stomps ODB before laying in some kicks in the corner. ODB shoves her off, gets her foot up, and takes Rosita down with a clothesline. The heels try to pull ODB back, but she kicks them both off and tags Young in. He comes in, does a bunch of cartwheels and strips his shorts off. Rosita and Sarita begin flirting with him, which pisses ODB off. She decks Rosita and short-arm clotheslines Sarita, sending her to the floor. ODB drops Rosita with the Bammm! before yelling at Young for flirting with another woman. God, his bacne is discussing. She then kisses Young and throws him on top of Rosita, resulting in the pin.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: ODB and Eric Young.
Up next, we get to here MORE from Dixie Carter.
Sorry, but The Avengers looks like crap.
We see some stills from the World Tag Team title match this past Sunday, which saw Crimson walk out on Mat Morgan.
In the back, Crimson is watching Matt Morgan’s Direct Auto commercial. He says this is a prime example that they never were a team, since he’s in the commercial by himself. Morgan dropped the ball when they lost the belt, and he’s cluttering Crimson’s future. Crimson took out the trash this past Sunday, and his back feels a lot better. Next week, he’s challenging Morgan to a match. Morgan runs in and they begin brawling. Morgan throws him into some chairs before security tries to break things up. Morgan beats them up before more security guys hold him back.
In case you didn’t see it less than an hour ago, we get highlights from the Sting/Carter promo from earlier.
Carter is telling Anonymous Interviewer that she doesn’t know what she’s going to do. Brilliant.
We see James Storm in the back. He’s on his way to the ring.
Jeff Hardy is now talking to Anonymous Interviewer. Kurt Angle beat him by cheating at Victory Road, so Hardy challenges Angle to a match at Lockdown. “Joseph Park” introduces himself, asking if Hardy knows anything about Abyss’ whereabouts before giving him his card.
Video package time for Bobby Roode/James Storm. They each talk about their careers in the company, and we get plenty of footage from the Team Canada and AMW days. Oh, and if you don’t think Eric Young is gassing, watch this footage.
James Storm makes his way into the Impact Zone. It seems there are people running around the back that forgot the definitions of “right” and “wrong”. James Storm lives by the “eye for an eye” rule. Football being 18 weeks long is wrong. He thinks it should be all year wrong. How is it two parents work 40 hours a week and save everything to take their families on vacation, because gas is $4.00/gallon. And Bobby Roode, what you did at Victory Road to Sting and Dixie Carter is wrong. I have no idea what’s going on in this promo. Roode put his hands on a woman, and a man who hits a woman isn’t a man at all. At Lockdown, Roode will be in a cage with Storm, and he’s looking at the next World Champion. Storm is going to right all of Roode’s wrongs. Right now, though, he just wants Roode to come out here in order to give him a beating. Roode’s music hit, but some douche canoe in a suit comes out instead. Mr. Canoe grabs a microphone. Storm wants to know who in the blue hell this guy is. I guess Storm is a fan of the Rock. He says his name is William Kelly, and he’s apparently he’s Roode’s legal advisor. He has a statement that he’d like to read. Basically, the statement says that he’ll remain at home in Toronto until further notice, and TNA management has created an unsafe working environment for him, and his only obligation to the company is his match at Lockdown. If Storm is looking for a fight tonight, two wrestlers have contacted Roode to take his place. The two are Kazarian and Christopher Daniels, and Storm can choose which one he’d like to face tonight. Storm says he’ll fight both Kaz and Daniels tonight so he doesn’t have to worry about anything next week. He takes the statement out of Kelly’s hand and says he’s got a message for Roode. He then lays Kelly out with the Last Call before spewing his catchphrase.
Kurt Angle is in the back, addressing Jeff Hardy. He never loses, and since he beat Hardy, he doesn’t have to fight Hardy again. Anonymous Interviewer says Garett Bischoff is telling everyone he beat Angle last week. Bischoff just happens to be off-camera at the moment. Angle challenges him to a 3-minute challenge tonight. Bischoff accepts. Angle hates his guts. Ooh, does that mean we get another angry, nonsensical rant about Bischoff via Twitter, like the one Angle went into about Steve Austin, HBK and others? I’m considering following Angle on there simply because he’s so blissfully insane at this point. The guy could give Iron Sheik a run for his money. Oh, and for everyone that said that Angle would be able to qualify for the Olympics this year despite me repeatedly saying there was no chance in hell, I told you so.
MATCH 3-3-Minute Challenge: Garett Bischoff vs. Kurt Angle
For everyone who thought Erik Watts was undeservedly shoved down our throats due to being the son of “Cowboy” Bill Watts (and rightfully so), I’m thinking it’s safe to say that Erik doesn’t have sh*t on Garett Bischoff in the nepotism department at this point. Angle, still in a very delusional state, has now added a mock Olympics logo to his tights, except instead of rings, they say “ANGLE”. Angle shoves Bischoff a few times and slaps him in the face. Bischoff shoves him back, and we’re already under 2 minutes. Bischoff nails a couple clotheslines and a Joe Gomez-like flying forearm (and that’s not good). Back body drop, followed by the modified Ace Crusher he used a couple weeks ago for 2. Bischoff goes for it again, but Angle blocks and throws Bischoff to the floor. Bischoff starts to get back in the ring, but jumps back down. Angle slides to the floor, but Bischoff gets back in the ring. They do this one more time before Gunner runs down and throws Bischoff in the ring, leading to the DQ.
WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Garett Bischoff. They continue to beat on Bischoff until Jeff Hardy and his camouflage Capri pants make the save.
Up next, Mexican America vs. Samoa Joe and Magnus for the titles.
Commercial for the Motor City Machine Guns, who are returning soon.
MATCH 4-World Tag Team Championship: Mexican America (Anarquia and Hernandez) (w/Rosita and Sarita) vs. Champions Magnus and Samoa Joe
Mike Tenay tells us Hulk Hogan is on his way to the Impact Zone to address Sting and Dixie Carter. I give a sh*t. Joe’s sporting a faux-hawk now. Great. He starts off with Hernandez. Hernandez backs Joe into a corner, but Joe escapes and beats Hernandez down before tagging in Magnus. Joe hits an inverted atomic drop, Magnus follows with a boot, and Joe follows with a running senton for 2. Hernandez tags in Anarquia who gets hip tossed and back elbowed. Anarquia lands a couple punches, but Magnus counters with his own. Anarquia hits a clothesline and tags in Hernandez, who hits some shoulders in the corner before hitting the over-the-shoulder backbreaker drop for 2. Anarquia tags back in, and the challengers hit a version of the old Team Angle move on the ropes for 2. Anarquia bites Magnus before hitting a couple knees to the back. Hernandez back in, who locks in a bearhug. Magnus fights out, but runs into a shoulder block. Joe causes a distraction as Hernandez goes for the pin. Magnus breaks the pin by grabbing the ropes. Anarquia tags in. Hernandez hits an avalanche, but Anarquia misses his. Magnus lands a clothesline on Hernandez before tagging in Joe. Joe levels Anarquia with a pair of clotheslines. Anarquia goes to the middle rope, but Joe just walks out of the way, sending Anarquia to the mat on the dive. Joe lands the corner uranage on Hernandez before going for the Kokina Clutch on Anarquia. The two broads outside try to distract the referee, but the Repo Games asshat takes them to the back. IN the ring, Hernandez breaks the hold and goes for the Border Toss on Joe, but Magnus drops him with a clothesline. They hit the snapmare/elbow combo on Anarquia, and this one’s over.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: Magnus and Samoa Joe.
Hulk Hogan has entered the building. Anonymous Interviewer asks him about being the GM. Hogan knows nothing about it, and says he’s only here because Sting called him. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that the exact reason Sting called him?
The Cabin in the Woods looks like crap, too.
We see Asshat hauling the broads out to his truck. Mexican America tell him to stop. They don’t have the money, so they can’t get their car back. Anarquia tries to deck him, but Asshat ducks and shoves him into Hernandez. I love how Anarquia managed to get his sunglasses on before chasing this guy down. I’m not a drinker, but if you are and want a new drinking game, take a shot every time Anarquia says either “Essa” or “Holmes” during this segment.
We see a video for James Storm, hanging out with some guy named Cowboy Troy.
MATCH 5-2-on-1 Handicap Match: Christopher Daniels and Kazarian vs. James Storm
Kaz heads to the ring by himself, as Daniels tells the announce team, “I’m a lot smarter than the Cowboy” before leaving the area completely. Storm makes his way out, and Daniels attempts to ambush him from behind. Storm hip tosses him on the floor before sending Kaz into the steps. Daniels gets in the ring, and Storm begins punching him in the corner. Kaz attacks with punches from behind. They take turns punching Storm over and over. Storm begins to fight back against Daniels, but Kaz attacks from behind yet again. Guess there’s no tags in this match. The heels fire off more punches, which is all I’ve seen thus far in this match. More punches from Kaz. Daniels varies things up with an elbow to the back of the head for 2. Kaz stomps Storm for another 2. More punches. Daniels and Kaz begin arguing over who gets to do the beating. Kaz whips Daniels into Storm, but Storm ducks, sending Daniels into the corner. Last Call for Kaz, and another one for Daniels for the 3.
WINNER: James Storm. Beyond pointless.
Sting, Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan are all headed to the ring from various spots, all looking serious-pants. Hogan is noticeably limping.
Sting makes his way out and calls Dixie Carter to the ring, to finish what they started from earlier tonight. Carter scarecrows/broomsticks her way down to the ring, with one of the most phony, disingenuous smiles on her face you’ve ever seen. Sting reminds us of his relationship with Hogan, including the crap at Bound For Glory last year. He’s looked into Hogan’s eyes, he’s the real deal, and he trusts him. He’s asking Carter to trust Hogan. Of course, the fans love this because Sting can do no wrong. Carter says Sting has never done her wrong, and if he believes in Hogan, then so does she. He then calls Hogan to the ring as Carter’s face looks beyond plastic.
Hogan makes his way out, Hogan’s arms still look like sausages hanging in a deli window. Sting says it’s obvious to the world Hogan made Sting and Carter believers, believers in Hulk Hogan. Now, it’s only fitting he hears it from all these people. The Impact Zone chants blindly for Hogan.
End of show.
Yep. The show ended before they finished this segment. They’ll call it “a cliffhanger”. I call “piss-poor time management”.
Kurt Angle continues to be the gift that keeps on giving to pro wrestling bloggers. The TNA star had a recent meltdown on Twitter in which he challenged two WWE Hall of Fame stars and went on a tirade against the WWE. Yep, he’s at it again.
Let me say that I am a huge Kurt Angle fan. He is one of the few guys that I will stop and watch when I flip on Impact Wrestling. In the WWE, he probably entertained me more on a weekly basis with his character and wrestling than anyone else. But with that said, the guy really needs to stay off Twitter.
Angle posted a bunch of tweets for some unknown reason in which he went off on Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, and Jim Ross. The former Olympiad also pontificated about how the WWE would love to have him. Unfortunately you cannot go to Kurt’s Twitter feed and read these as he has deleted them. Fortunately several bloggers, including those at WrestlingInc.com were kind enough to capture them.
“@steveaustinBSR @ShawnMichaels But Could Either of U take Me as a Shoot? Be Honest! I Respect You Both!”
“@steveaustinBSR @ShawnMichaels by the way! I Love Austin and Michaels. Just Joking. U guys are legends!”
“I Became a top star in 1 year, but it took Shawn and Austin 15years. Hello?”
I don’t know where to begin. I don’t think anyone would doubt that Angle could take Austin and Michaels in a shoot, especially those two guys. But why bring it up on Twitter? Why attack two guys that you probably made more money with than anyone in the business? Why attack two guys who gave you some of your greatest matches of your career? Why attack two guys have done nothing but said complimentary things about you?
“I have not touched a pill 8 yrs. up urs”
“@JRsBBQ @IAmJericho How do You feel about that. I’m the Best today! If Wwe never wants Me, their Mistake. What then?”
A fan then tweeted to Kurt that he should go back to the WWE in which he responded, “I wish. Sting will stay in tna”
I actually felt a little sorry for Kurt after reading the tweet he sent to Chris Jericho and Jim Ross. Here is a guy that desperately misses the attention and fame he received when he was a WWE superstar. Angle was a free agent not too long ago and could have been signed by the WWE. All reports indicate that they never showed any serious interest. At some point the guy just has to let it go.
Now I am always hesitant about copying and pasting tweets that have been deleted, however Kurt Angle has since tweeted an apology which you can read on his feed.
“I Do Want to Apologize to Shawn Michaels and Steve Austin for My Comment.Without them I Would Have never had my Opportunity in Pro Wrestling” – @RealKurtAngle
He also justified his rant as just having fun.
“I don’t get twitter.I Love tweeting What I feel-or responding to idiots. But I’m Supposed to be”Politically Correct” w/ My tweets?Forget It” – @RealKurtAngle
“And if I can’t give You All Personality, I don’t want to tweet Anymore. Give Me an RT if You Agree! And an Amen!” – @RealKurtAngle
Someone get that crazy uncle of ours off the Internet!
Welcome to the 3-15-12 edition of Impact Wrestling. The show opens with Sting and World Champion Bobby Roode entering the building at separate location. Apparently, we’re going to have a contract signing tonight between the two. Because, you know, contract signing angles are always big money and huge ratings draws.
This segues into a video of the ongoing feud between the two, a feud that I could not give less of a damn about. Although, I do have to say I still laugh every time I see the short clip of Bobby Roode spitting in Dixie Carter’s face. Damn, that footage is a thing of beauty.
In the Impact Zone, “Cowboy” Criss Angel makes his way to the ring. I kid you not, the camera man actually begins filming someone filming James Storm on their smartphone, and when I say filming, I mean the cameraman is actually shooting a close-up of the phone’s screen. That’s just good TV right there. Storm says that, ever since November 3rd, he’s been waiting for this opportunity at the title and maybe a little revenge. We get an “It’s your time” chant. Great. Storm says Roode is exactly what he says he is, and that’s selfish. That’s what’s wrong with the world today; too many wanters, too many takers and not enough givers. At Lockdown, Storm will be all three of those things because he will give Roode the ass whipping of his life when he takes the World title from him. Storm starts to spit his catchphrase, but stops himself and says he’s not sorry, because at Lockdown, Roode will need all the luck he can get.
Bully Ray’s music hits as he makes his way down, mic in hand. Storm is fired up and ready to go. Unfortunately, Ray isn’t quite sure Storm knows where he is right now. He’s the guy who kicked a chair into Storm’s head. Storm reminds him he beat Ray to become #1 contender, and that he needs to stop running his mouth and get in the ring. Ray tells him to “Kiss my calves.” Yes, that’s what he said. Storm won’t make it to Lockdown and he won’t beat Roode because of Ray. In three days, Storm faces Ray at Victory Road, and Ray will take make sure Storm’s dreams don’t come true. Storm says something about his stupid hair and challenges Ray to a fight right now. Ray says he’s got good news and bad news; the good news is Storm won’t fight “Calveszilla”, and the bad news is Storm will fight Gunner. Gunner makes his way down and gets in Storm’s face. They start trading blows before the very impressive team of D-Lo Brown, Al Snow and Pat Kenney run down to break things up. Ray manages to get a cheap shot in on Storm before backing up the ramp.
We see Gail Kim and Madison Rayne backstage, arguing about losing the titles last week. Sting just happens to be hanging around the area as they continue to yell at each other. Sting says this is the wrong night to do this. Tonight, Kim is wrestling Mickie James and Rayne is wrestling Velvet Sky. Kim and Rayne continue to argue. To quote Slappy Squirrel, that was pointless. Screw you, Animaniacs ruled.
We get another video for Sting/Roode, with Roode complaining about Sting taking the spot from the rest of the locker room (excellent point), and he will do everything he can to take Sting out at Victory Road.
MATCH 1: Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky
If you ever want a fun wrestling game, try to figure out the lyrics to entrance themes that aren’t very clear (such as Rayne’s). Justin Henry and I were playing this game a week or so ago, and apparently, I nearly caused him to spit Pepsi all over his laptop. Sky ignores her normal ring entrance and spears Rayne down to start this match. Sky gets Rayne in the corner, kicks her a few times and hits a corner clothesline. She throws Rayne into the other corner and lays in some shoulder thrusts. Snapmare precedes a weak kick to the back and a low dropkick for 2. Rayne comes back with some shoulders into the corner of her own, but runs into a pair of boots off the charge. She blocks a second attempt and whips Sky to the mat. Choke over the middle rope by Rayne, followed by a kick to the face from the apron for 2. Sky tries to fight back from her knees-a position I’m sure she’s used to-but Rayne locks her in a cravat. Sky fights out, but Rayne manages to throw her to the floor off the ropes. Sky gets back to the apron, where she takes a suspended neckbreaker for 2. Rayne tries the pin again, but still only gets 2. Rayne goes into a rear chinlock, and Sky counters with a jawbreaker. They trade some weak punches. Sky with a clothesline off the ropes, a back elbow and a bulldog. She goes for a headlock, but Rayne fights out with some knees. She goes for the Rayne Drop, but Sky counters with a roll-up for 2. Rayne continues the roll-through and gets the pin with a handful of tights.
WINNER: Madison Rayne.
Earlier today, we see Matt Morgan and Crimson arguing about their victory last week, with Morgan complaining that it wasn’t a team effort. Crimson says they need to focus on Sunday and getting their titles back. Morgan asks if Crimson is here to win titles and make lots of money, and Crimson says “Of course”. Apparently, he’s never looked at his own paycheck before. Crimson says to make lots of money, you’ve got to win lots of matches, and he knows about that more than anybody since he’s been undefeated for 14 months. Morgan simply tells them to focus on tonight, then on Sunday.
21 Jump Street looks awful, and there is no reason Jonah Hill should get as much work as he does. No reason whatsoever.
Speaking of commercials, who is this broad selling Carl’s Jr.?
MATCH 2: Crimson (w/Matt Morgan) vs. World Tag Team Co-Champion Samoa Joe (w/Magnus)
Magnus has a “Save the Ta-Tas” shirt on, which I appreciate. Seriously, I do. As much as I hate to admit I like something that TNA has done, the pairing of Magnus and Joe works. At the same time, TNA can’t seem to decide whether they are faces or heels, although that’s nothing really new for this company. Tie-up to start, with Crimson backing Joe into the corner. Crimson with various strikes. Joe no-sells them, throws Crimson’s worthless ass in the corner and beats the hell out of him. Corner whip by Joe, and he follows with the corner enziguri. Knee drop off the ropes gets 2 for Joe. Joe goes to bounce off the ropes, but Morgan catches his foot, allowing Crimson to attack from behind. Crimson nails a clothesline for 1. Snapmare by Crimson, followed by an elbow and a running knee strike for 2 (Tenay: “Flying knee”). Crimson locks in the cravat, which precedes the knees strikes and the swinging neckbreaker for 2. Rear chinlock by Crimson, but Joe manages to fight out. He runs into a boot by Crimson. Crimson goes to the middle rope, but Joe catches him with an inverted atomic drop, followed by a running boot and a running senton for 2. Crimson hits a double throat chop, but runs into a powerslam by Joe for 2. Joe lands a European uppercut before running into a Crimson spinebuster for 2. Crimson goes to argue with the referee, saying it was 3. Joe gets to the corner. Crimson charges in, but runs right into the standing uranage. Joe sets up for the uranage, but is momentarily distracted by Matt Morgan on the apron. Magnus runs interference and they brawl for a minute on the outside, resulting in Magnus being whipped into the steps. Joe turns around just in time to take a spear from Crimson for the 3.
WINNER: Crimson. Joe immediately no-sells the spear after the match, which is awesome. If TNA doesn’t want Crimson to be compared to Goldberg, perhaps he shouldn’t be using a spear as a finisher. Just a thought.
We see Austin Aries in the back with a bottle of champagne. He’s on his way out to the ring, and apparently has a big announcement.
World X-Division Austin Aries makes his way out. It’s a great day to be great, and an even better day to break records. While Aries isn’t normally one to pay attention to numbers and statistics, there are some that matter. There have been 53 different X-Division title reigns, held by 25 different men. Not only is he the greatest man that ever lived, he is now the greatest and longest-reigning X-Division Champion of all time, breaking the previous record of 182 days. He’s out here to celebrate, and he’s got a special montage of his greatest moments. We then get a music video for Aries, featuring some hideously-named band called Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly. I suppose it fits though, cause their music sucks worse than their name. The crowd is completely dead for this entire segment. Oh, and I should mention the video includes footage from a fake match between Aries and Alex Shelley. After the video, Aries thanks himself, then thanks the other wrestlers in the X-Division because, if he hadn’t beaten all of them, he wouldn’t be able to call himself the greatest champion of all time. He thanks them all for being good, but not quite great before asking the crowd to toast him. Zema Ion makes his way out now, with the douchiest haircut this side of Robbie E. Aries knows why Ion is out here, and that’s to take his spotlight. Last week, Ion did something no one else has done, and that’s beat him at his own game. Ion says he beat Aries at HIS own game. He proved Aries isn’t as smart as he thinks he is. If Aries was smart, he’d hand the title over right now. If he’s not careful, what happened to Jesse Sorensen could easily happen to him. Okay, enough with bringing up Jesse Sorensen like it’s an angle. How tasteless can one company get? Aries says someone put on their big boy drawers. He appreciates Ion talking like he actually has hair on his nuts before telling Ion to toast him. Ion does the toast, before saying he’ll end Aries’ run on Sunday, and he’s not only “effin pretty”, he’s also “pretty effin dangerous”. Ion then throws champagne in Aries’ face. Aries kicks him in the gut and dumps the rest of the bottle on his head before throwing him out of the ring. Please, don’t let Ion speak anymore. He’s decent in the ring, but terrible on the stick.
Christopher Daniels faces Mr. Anderson later tonight. Let’s hope Daniels doesn’t wind up nearly crippled on Mr. Anderson’s first night back, as history has shown us that is Anderson’s thing.
“Joseph Park” is hanging around backstage. Apparently, it’s “Park” now, even though it was “Parks” last week. Sadly, this is pretty consistent in TNA, as when Abyss briefly used his real name in an angle a few years ago, TNA couldn’t decide if it was Park or Parks then either. He introduces himself to Gunner before asking if he knows the whereabouts of Abyss. Gunner can’t help him, as he’s got a match right now.
We get footage of ODB and Eric Young’s pathetic engagement last week after they won the Knockouts Tag Team titles. I can’t believe I just wrote that. Oh, hell, who am I kidding? This is TNA; of course I can believe it.
We see the new champions in their locker room or office or closet or whatever the hell it is. Young says the wedding is more important than the titles, and they’ve got a lot of planning. Young then begins rattling of places they should have the ceremony. He’s also wearing his engagement ring on his pinky. Young then comes up with the great idea of getting married in the ring on a future episode of Impact. Of course they are.
We see Kurt Angle in his office or whatever, talking about how he hates young punks who get in the ring who have no business doing so, before oh-so-cleverly referring to Garett Bischoff as “Bitchoff”. That’s right, “Bitchoff” (His words)! Garett cost him the tag team match last week, but tonight, “Bitchoff”, it’s you and Angle in a 5-minute match. Angle says Garett’s wife says he can’t even go three minutes. “Actually, I did really talk to her! Hahaha!” As for Jeff Hardy, his match with Angle at Victory Road will be his last match period.
Gail Kim/Mickie James is up next.
More Roode/Sting videos, now with Sting narrating it. He spouts off some stupid crap about being like The Crow and some other random BS.
MATCH 3: Mickie James vs. Knockouts Champion Gail Kim (non-title)
Tie-up starts the match off, with Kim snapping off a hip throw into a side headlock. James reverses into a head scissors. Kim reverses into a roll-up, which James then reverses into a backslide attempt. She can’t get the backslide, but does manage to hit a snapmare and a low dropkick for 2. Kim gets back to her feet and backs James into the corner. Kim misses the corner charge, falling to the floor. She grabs her title belt and attempts to strike James, but James ducks and whips her back into the ring. James goes for the Tunacanrana, but Kim blocks it and hits a wicked over-the-shoulder kneebreaker. Kim focuses her attack on the right knee with some elbow drops and a slam of the knee into the mat. Kim gets James into the corner and continues to work the knee over. James tries to fight back, but gets her leg caught on the middle rope. Kim drops a knee on the knee, sending James to the mat. Kim locks in a modified Deathlock, but James fights out. The offense is short as Kim immediately counters by knocking James down and hitting a leg DDT. Kim locks in a version of the stretch muffler, but James rolls through for a 2-count. James ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker. James kips up, which is really smart considering her knee is hurt. She kicks Kim in the gut and hits the middle rope Thesz Press for 2. A baseball slide sends Kim to the floor, where she grabs the belt. As the referee is trying to get James back in the ring, Kim cracks her with the title belt. The referee doesn’t see it, which allows Kim to slide in the ring and easily get the 3.
WINNER: Gail Kim.
We get an interview with Mr. Anderson from earlier today. He calls himself an a**hole, then says something about the Bat Signal. Christopher Daniels and Kazarian walk up, and Anderson starts talking about lemonade for some reason. Daniels wants to know why Anderson would pick AJ Styles over them. Kaz says this will end horribly, like one of Anderson’s movies. Wait, he had more than one? Anderson makes a bunch of stupid noises. That could have been a promo, but when that douche canoe opens his mouth, all I hear is “BUHHHHHHHASSHOLEBUHHHHH!!!!”
MATCH 4: Christopher Daniels vs. Mr. Anderson
Taz and Tenay are arguing about Stockholm Syndrome, and Taz doesn’t know what that is. Brilliant. Anderson does his stupid microphone bit. I did not miss this for a second while it was gone. Daniels attacks Anderson the second he gets in the ring, stomping him down in the corner. Anderson kicks off a back body drop attempt, then throws his shirt in Daniels’ face. Daniels’ cheek is busted open, and it’s weird because it’s been busted open since this match started, despite the fact that he started the match on offense. Anderson hits a corner charge and goes for the Mic Check (one of Eric Garguilo’s 10 worst moves of all time, BTW), but Daniels blocks it and slides to the floor. Anderson follows out and throws some punches. Daniels goes into the guardrail before being thrown back in the ring. Anderson hits a pair of hip tosses and an elbow drop for 2. Anderson back Daniels into a corner and throws some more punches. Daniels manages to sidestep a charge into the opposite corner and landa knee to the gut. Daniels goes back to stomping before nailing a kitchen sink off the ropes for 2. Daniels goes for the move again, but Anderson blocks into a roll-up for 2. Back up, Anderson lands a few more punches before sending Daniels into the ropes. Daniels counters with a shoulder to the gut and a northern lights suplex for 2. Daniels with a bodyslam. He goes for a split-legged moonsault, but Anderson gets his knees up. They trade a few punches. Anderson with a clothesline, a back elbow and a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Anderson goes for a fireman’s carry, but Daniels slides out. Anderson misses a roundhouse, but keeps spinning and connects with a version of the enziguri for 2 as Daniels gets his foot on the bottom rope. Daniels backs Anderson into the corner again. Anderson reverses a corner whip and hits a standing version of the Green Bay Plunge. As Daniels is holding onto the ropes, Kaz makes his way down to the ring. Anderson sees him coming as AJ Styles comes down and begins brawling with Kaz. Anderson hits the Mic Check and gets the 3.
WINNER: Mr. Anderson.
Jeff Hardy is talking to Anonymous Interviewer about Kurt Angle. He blames Angle for not being World Champion right now, and this is personal. Can his promos be any less uninspired?
MATCH 5-5-Minute Open Challenge: Kurt Angle vs. Garett Bischoff
How can this be an open challenge when Angle specifically challenged Bischoff and Bischoff accepted? An open challenge means anyone can accept it. TNA logic for you. Angle starts off with punches. And more punches. And some more. Ooh! A knee lift! Kicks to Bischoff’s left leg. Kick to Bischoff’s head. Suplex by Angle, but he pulls Bischoff up before the referee can start the count. Rear chinlock by Angle, who breaks the hold himself with an elbow. More kicks. Kicks turn to stomps. Foot choke. Bischoff fights back with some punches, but Angle takes him down with one punch before landing a crossface shot. Taz actually refers to this as a “freestyle move”, despite punches to the face being illegal in freestyle wrestling. More stomps by Angle. Another foot choke. Angle throws Bischoff to the floor by the entrance ramp. Angle follows out. Bischoff tries more punches, but Angle no-sells them and suplexes him on the floor. We’re down to under 2 minutes. Back in the ring, Angle goes for the pin, but once again pulls Bischoff up. Angle chokes Bischoff with his knee. More stomps. Bischoff tries punches once more, but Angle again no-sells and hits an overhead belly-to-belly for 2. Angle once again breaks the pinfall himself. More punches. More stomps. Legrdop by Angle as he pulls the straps down. He goes for the Angle Slam, but Bischoff slides out and manages to throw Angle to the floor. About 10 seconds left. He gets back in the ring and runs into a pair of boots. Angle comes back with the Angle Slam, but the clock runs out as he goes for the pin.
WINNER: Garett Bischoff, I guess? Technically, he didn’t win anything, but neither did Angle. After the match, Angle knocks the referee out before putting the ankle lock on Garett Bischoff. Jeff Hardy runs down and knocks Angle out of the ring.
Gunner/Storm is up next.
Robbie T and Robbie E are in a merchandise area, looking at all the crappy TNA toys. Anonymous Interviewer is asking them if they are on the PPV. Robbie E throws out an open challenge for the TV title, claiming he’s beaten everyone and there’s no one “’The List’, bro. Hahaha.” What is with guys laughing at their own non-jokes tonight?
I love how TNA just takes random pictures of their stars and superimposes the title belts on them.
MATCH 6: Gunner (w/Bully Ray) vs. James Storm
Ooh! You can now buy TNA entrance themes on their site. Just what I’ve always wanted. Storm starts off the match with some punches, causing Gunner to back into the corner. Gunner comes back with a thumb to the eye. Storm with a clothesline, sending Gunner to the floor. Storm follows, slamming Gunner into the guardrail. Back in the ring, Gunner kicks Storm as he’s re-entering. Storm fights back with some punches, but Gunner whips him down by the hair and hits a choke takedown for 2. That’s the best way I can describe the move. Either way, it looked like crap. Gunner with a neck vice now. Storm tries to elbow out, but Gunner knocks him back down with a forearm before going into a rear chinlock. Gunner hits a pair of weak crossface shots for 2. Bully Ray is offering the very helpful advice of “BEATHIMDOWNBEATHIMDOWNBEATHIMDOWN”. Storm once again fights out, hits an uppercut and a jumping clothesline. Storm with more punches, a clothesline, a back elbow and a jumping forearm. Botched back body drop by Storm before he hits Closing Time. He sets up for the Last Call, which connects and gets the 3.
WINNER: James Storm. After the match, Bully Ray shows how intimidating he is by turning his Baseball cap around backwards. He charges the ring like he’s going to fight, but instead doesn’t.
More Roode/Sting video time. Okay, we get it. Sting and Roode don’t like each other and they have a match at Victory Road. We don’t need a video for it every segment.
Your main event contract signing is next.
Commercial for local wrestling promotion comes on. Because Rob Terry was such a good choice last time, they’re bringing in Robbie E for their next show.
Okay, this is beyond ridiculous. We get ANOTHER Roode/Sting video. For L. Ron Hubbard’s sake! You couldn’t just let these guys say this stuff in the ring at the contract signing, which is up after this stupid video?
In the Impact Zone, both Roode and Sting are already in the ring. They sit down. Jeremy Borash is “officiating”. Sting signs the contract. Bobby Roode does as well. As Borash makes the official announcement, Roode grabs the microphone out of his hand. Thank you, Bobby. Roode talks about winning the World title last year, and how he became the leader of the “Selfish Generation”. Since that day, Sting has been a pain in Roode’s ass. For months, he’s tried to figure out why Sting hates him so much, and he thinks he finally knows why. Sting is jealous of him. 22 years ago, Sting defeated Ric Flair for his first World title. Roode was a fan at the time. Sting had the look, the desire and the charisma, and Roode wanted to be just like him (A very debatable “You still got it” chant breaks out). When Sting looks at Roode, he sees himself in Roode. Roode has all the traits Sting once had, except he’s just that much better than Sting was. He’s bigger, faster, stronger, smarter, better looking, and a better World Champion than Sting ever was. It’s not just jealousy; it’s also Sting’s ego. He’s a guy who just hangs around the business and steals the spotlight from the younger guys. Once again, excellent point. Sting is afraid of people forgetting him. The business has passed him by, and this Sunday, he steps in the ring with the World Heavyweight Champion. When Sting gets up in the morning, he doesn’t do it as quickly as he used to. He doesn’t get around as well as he once used to. And that stupid, stupid facepaint that Sting still puts on doesn’t scare Roode. The reason why Sting wears the stupid facepaint is because he has to mask himself, because when he looks at himself, he knows he doesn’t have what it takes to make it in this business anymore. At Victory Road, Roode will expose him for who he really is, and that is nothing more than a washed-up has been who should have left wrestling a long, long time ago. Man, Roode is on fire with his points tonight. I’m serious, too. Sting doesn’t respond with anything. Roode says Sting is at a loss for words for the first time in his career. Roode grabs the belt before walking away. Sting stands up and turns the table over before pulling out a tube of red and black grease paint and smearing it on his face. Of course, the Impact Zone fans are eating this up because they think Sting is just so amazing at everything. Sting smears some of the pain on Roode’s face before beating him down. Sting paints his own face some more before slapping a bunch more on Roode. Sting with kicks now. Sting clotheslines Roode to the floor before throwing a chair at him.
An interesting debate has broken out online in the last few days regarding Sting. A WWE Hall of Famer recently said that Sting was not an icon, sparking conversation as to exactly what the former WCW and TNA champion’s place in pro wrestling history will be.
The fireworks started when one of Sting’s former peers, Road Warrior Animal did an interview in which he said Sting is not a pro wrestling icon. Animal thinks that until Sting goes to the WWE to wrestle, he cannot be called an icon.
“No! Sting is not in the same league as guys like Triple H, Stone Cold, The Rock. Sting will never be considered a legend or icon until he lets his pride go and joins WWE.”
“He needs to bury his personal issues and just get into the WWE. Sting has to come over to the WWE to be that guy, it’s a bigger stage. Impact is one thing, the WWE is a way bigger thing.”
This is certainly an odd statement to make. Questioning Sting’s place in pro wrestling history is a valid debate. Questioning whether Sting is a pro wrestling icon is also a valid debate. But basing your answer on whether or not he wrestled in the WWE is where he loses me.
The irony here is that I think Sting would be less of a pro wrestling icon if he did go to the WWE. Like any WCW icon or superstar that went to the WWE, he would have been marginalized and would have been booked to appear less strong than the WWE megastars. I say this is ironic because this is exactly what happened to Animal whenever the Road Warriors came to the WWE. In WCW they were treated as legends whereas in the WWE they were treated like any other team.
I think it is fair to criticize Sting’s drawing power. I like Sting but for someone pushed as hard as he was for so long in WCW, he really only had one run where he drew comparable to his push and that came towards the end of his run against a red hot Hulk Hogan. However, I don’t think his drawing ability should have any basis on whether or not he is an icon.
To me, the guy is one of the biggest pro wrestling icons of that time period. Just about anyone and everyone who even casually watched pro wrestling during that era knows who Sting is. He is synonymous with WCW and WCW was a big part of the pro wrestling scene for many years. There is no question in my mind that he is an icon.
The idea that you have to go to the WWE to become an icon is just absurd. It is even more absurd coming from a guy who became an icon outside of the WWE wrestling all over the world in one of the greatest tag teams of that era. In my opinion this is either a case of jealousy or someone trying to smooth over some bad feelings with the biggest pro wrestling company in the world.
In what has to be a first, a well known MMA fighter has signed a dual deal allowing him to fight and wrestle in a co-promotional effort. Former Strikeforce light heavyweight champion King Mo will wrestle for TNA Impact Wrestling and fight for Bellator under the terms of a new deal.
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