This week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown opens up with Ryback heading to the ring. Looks like we’re going straight into a match.

Before that starts, though, Ryback has a few things to say. Last Monday night, he knew John Cena was hurt when he was supposed to tag with him to take on The Shield. He’s not Cena’s keeper. Cena chose to put himself in the match and put himself at further risk. He was the one who lost to The Shield. Afterwards, Cena was hobbling like a weak, pathetic animal. In the laws of the jungle, the bigger, stronger and faster animals always eat the weak. Ryback rules.

MATCH 1: Ryback vs. WWE Tag Team Co-Champion Daniel Bryan
Bryan hits a kick to the left leg, ducks a clothesline and hits another kick. He ducks a corner attack, hitting more kicks to the legs. Ryback finally boots him in the stomach and clubs him with a forearm. Bryan blocks a back body drop by hitting more kicks, but gets rammed into the corner with shoulder thrusts. Ryback hits a knife-edge, then clubs Bryan down. Back up, Ryback hits a bodyslam. Bryan pops up with more kicks to the left leg, but it’s cut short by some forearm shots. Ryback throws Bryan outside, and Bryan lands on his feet, baiting Ryback to the floor. Bryan gets back in, hits a dropkick through the ropes and follows up with a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Ryback hits some kneelifts on Bryan in the corner and goes for a running powerslam. Bryan escapes and goes back to the kicks until Ryback catches a kick and just shoves him down. Ryback goes for a powerslam and turns Bryan vertical, but Bryan knees him in the head to counter. Back on his feet, Bryan hits more kicks to the leg before running into a gorilla press. Ryback holds him for a moment, then throws him to the floor. Commercials.

Back from the break, Ryback drops Bryan with a kneelift, then beals him out of the corner. Bryan rolls to the apron and Ryback charges in. Bryan counters with a shoulder and goes for a sunset flip, but Ryback blocks him and slams him into the mat by his head several times. Ryback sets Bryan in the corner, where Bryan blocks a charge and goes for a middle rope dive. Ryback catches him and turns the move into a swinging powerslam for 2. Bryan comes back with kicks to the leg, dropping Ryback to a knee. Ryback goes for a Thesz Press, but Bryan somehow counters into a half-Boston crab. That was a damn good spot right there. Ryback eventually kicks Bryan off, so Bryan goes back to the kicks, ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own, followed by a running corner dropkick and more kicks. Bryan ties the left leg in the ropes and hits another dropkick before following up with a third. Up top, Bryan hits a sit-out missile dropkick for 2. Bryan begins hitting the No! Kicks, but Ryback blocks the Buzzsaw and goes for a powerbomb. Bryan uses momentum to pull Ryback over the top rope, sending them both to the floor. Bryan gets on the apron, but gets caught. Ryback rams him back-first into the ring post and rolls him back in the ring. Ryback picks him up in a deadlift and hits a powerbomb. Bryan kicks off a second attempt, but it’s all for naught as Ryback hits the powerbomb once more. He calls for the Meat Hook, which connects. Shell Shocked hits, and it’s over.

WINNER: Ryback. Awesome way to start the show this week. If Smackdown could start every week with matches that good, I’d be very happy.

Renee Young is in the back with Ricardo Rodriguez. She asks about his match with Zeb Colter tonight. He’s very excited, and then rambles in Spanish before kissing her. Alberto Del Rio walks in and tells him to get a hold of himself and come get ready.

MATCH 2: Zack Ryder vs. Fandango (w/Summer Rae)
Crowd’s not so much into Fandango’s entrance theme this week, it seems. Fandango hits a couple of kneelifts. Ryder blocks a hip toss, hits his own, and then hits a drop toehold for 2. Fandango comes back with stomps and kicks to the head before tying Ryder into the ropes, where he hits some forearms shots to the back of the head. He follows up with an apron kick, getting 2. Ryder comes back with a facebuster, blocks a corner charge, then hits a missile dropkick from the middle rope. Ryder hits a running forearm and the Broski Boot for 2. Fandango counters the Rough Ryder into a stun gun and follows up with a side-Russian legsweep. He connects with the guillotine legdrop and gets the 3.

WINNER: Fandango.

Kaitlyn is in the back, holding a dozen roses. Natalya and The Great Khali stop to ask her what that’s about. Kaitlyn reads a text from her secret admirer to them, but doesn’t know who it is, as it’s from a blocked number. Natalya says Khali has the best advice when she’s confused, and tells him to give her some. All I can understand is, “If you need advice, come to me.”

Later tonight, Kane faces Dean Ambrose one-on-one.

Renee Young is now standing by with Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger. She reminds Zeb he can redeem his loss on Monday night by beating Ricardo one-on-one tonight. Zeb immediately loses my attention with the phrase “lamestream media”. He then rambles on about being brave, supposedly being violently ill on Monday night. He still went to work, though, because that’s what real Americans do. Okay, I can’t do this. I cannot stand listening to Zeb or his promos. This is the worst kind of cheap heat there is in pro wrestling.

MATCH 3: Ricardo Rodriguez (w/Alberto Del Rio) vs. Zeb Colter (w/Jack Swagger)
I’m glad Ricardo gets more ring time. He’s actually a very good in-ring performer overall. He may be doing a comedy gimmick, but the man can work and is professionally trained to do so. Anyway, Dolph Ziggler (w/AJ Lee and Big E. Langston) is doing color commentary for this match. Zeb pushes Ricardo before slapping him. Ricardo grabs him by the beard, then kicks him in the knee. Ricardo stomps his hand, then “rides the pony”. Zeb gets up and rakes the eyes before punching Ricardo several times. Ricardo comes back with a hard right and a pair of thrust kicks, sending Zeb to the corner. He goes to charge in, and Jack Swagger hits the ring with a clothesline.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Ricardo Rodriguez. ADR hits the ring and clotheslines Swagger to the floor. Teddy Long comes out and says that, if that’s how these four want to play it, he’s turning this into a tag team match right now. I laugh when Ziggler refers to this as “Classic Teddy”.

MATCH 4: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger
Swagger and Ricardo apparently start the match during the commercials, and Swagger is in control with a hard corner whip. Ricardo dodges a charge, causing Swagger to go shoulder-first into the ring post. ADR tags in, hits a pair of clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Swagger rolls to the apron, where ADR pulls him through the ropes, hits a few forearms to the back and goes for the Backstabber, but Swagger elbows him off. ADR comes back with a double-knee armbreaker and applies the jujigatame. Big E. Langston and Dolph Ziggler hit the ring and attack both men, causing a double DQ.

WINNER: No contest. Langston throws Swagger to the floor, then drops the straps. Before he can continue the attack. Teddy Long comes out and says he knew this would happen, and makes this into a triple threat tag team match. That’s right. Teddy Long just pulled some kind of Inception bullsh*t and made a tag team match within a tag team match. Sigh.

MATCH 5-Triple Threat Tag Team Match: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger vs. Big E. Langston and World Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/AJ Lee)
ADR starts off by attacking Ziggler with kicks and punches. Snapmare out of the corner, followed by a spinal tap by ADR for 2. Ricardo tags in and hits a running knee to the face for 2. Low dropkick by Ricardo, and ADR tags back in, hitting a quick kick to the head for 2. Ziggler kicks him in the knee and hits a beautiful dropkick. Langston in, who hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Langston rams ADR into the corner and hits a running shoulder thrust. Ziggler back in, and he hits some body blows, followed by an avalanche for 2. Ziggler applies a mounted rear chinlock now, and ADR fights out with strikes. Ziggler blocks a back body drop, but still gets pancaked. Ziggler comes back with a kick to the knee and hits a neckbreaker. Langston tags in and walks into a mule kick by ADR. He shakes it off and drops ADR with a forearm shot before hitting some body blows. Standing back body drop by Langston before he rams ADR into the corner and hits a running shoulder thrust. Ziggler tags back in and misses a corner charge. ADR hits a thrust kick to the face, and then follows up with a Backstabber on an incoming Swagger. Langston comes back in and gets low-bridged to the floor, and Ziggler goes out next, courtesy of a clothesline. Zeb is in the ring, and ADR looks at him, calling for the jujigatame. Ziggler comes back in and hits a nice jumping DDT for 2. Ricardo tags in and goes after Langston, but Langston drops him with a standing avalanche. Swagger takes Langston out with an elevated belly-to-belly suplex, but is quickly hit with a step-up enziguri by ADR. Ziggler comes in with a schoolboy on ADR but only gets 2. ADR applies the rolling jujigatame and Ziggler taps out.

WINNERS: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez.

We see some darkened area in the back, and what sounds like someone getting assaulted. The camera pans up to show The Shield. Dean Ambrose says it breaks your heart when “the champ” becomes “the chump”. They broke Cena, they broke The Undertaker, and they’ll break Kane next. Justice is what they dispense every day, and that’s what they’ll do to Kane tonight. They put ‘Taker down, but it could have been worse. Don’t believe them? By the end of the night, you will believe. Believe in The Shield. The camera pans back down, and we see that it was Daniel Bryan who was assaulted.

After the commercials, we see the referees and trainers checking on Bryan.

MATCH 6: Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow
Orton starts with a side headlock before shouldering Sandow off the ropes. Lock-up, and Sandow goes to the headlock this time. Orton counters into his own, then hits another shoulderblock. Sandow suckers him into the corner, then stomps him down to the mat before choking Orton with his knee. Back up, Sandow hits the Venis kneelift, follows up with a snapmare and hits a jumping kneedrop for 2. Sandow applies a rear chinlock, then sends Orton to the corner. Orton reverses and hits the Four Moves of Boredom. Sandow blocks the fourth, though (the DDT), hotshots Orton, then sends him to the floor with a running knee strike. Commercials.

Back from the break, Orton counters a side headlock with a back suplex. Sandow comes back with a dropkick to the knee and hits a DDT for 2. Sandow picks Orton up for some kneelifts and follows up with a side-Russian legsweep before hitting the Cobito Aquiet, then hits a second one for 2. Sandow goes back to the rear chinlock, but Orton headbutts his way out. Sandow comes back with a boot before running into a dropkick. Back body drop connects, and Sandow rolls to the apron. Orton hits the suspended DDT from here and now calls for the RKO. The RKO connects and Orton gets the 3.

WINNER: Randy Orton. As Orton is celebrating, The Big Show comes out. He tells Orton he is amazing, but the problem is he’s not a team player. It’s all about Randy Orton. If Orton hadn’t had such a big ego at Wrestlemania and made the tag, they might have beaten The Shield, and Orton wouldn’t have gotten knocked out. All of a sudden, Sandow attacks Orton from behind and lays him out with the Terminus. Show laughs and says that is so funny. But, understand him: at Extreme Rules, there will be nothing funny about what Show does to him.

We see Kane leaving the trainer’s office when he’s stopped by Matt Striker, wanting to know Daniel Bryan’s condition. Kane says he’ll make The Shield pay for what they did to Bryan and his brother. He knows what he’s getting into and what’s going to happen to him. Sooner or later, they’ll get him down and make sure he’s stay down. But, he’s going to take down as many as he can. We’re going on a little journey to a place called Hell.

MATCH 7-Arm Wrestling Contest: Mark Henry vs. Sheamus
Henry stalls and tells the ref to make sure Sheamus’ hands and arms are dry. Is that a required spot in every arm wrestling contest in pro wrestling history? Henry takes his t-shirt off for whatever reason, and now the contest starts. Chris Jericho once said Scott Norton taught him a trick to winning any arm wrestling contest, no matter how strong or big you are. I’d love to know what it is. Anyway, Henry starts to win, but Sheamus begins taking control. He’s close to winning, but Henry takes control once more and beats him.

WINNER: Mark Henry. Wow. I’m surprised this didn’t end with Henry knocking the table over and attacking Sheamus. Like always. Sheamus congratulates Henry and says he has the stronger right arm, but he doesn’t believe Henry has the strongest left. He challenges Henry to a rematch, and Henry shrugs it off. Sheamus continues to egg him on, calling him scared. Of course, Henry gets back in the ring at this point. Henry agrees to the rematch, and Sheamus toys with him for a minute or two. Before it can start, Sheamus just punches Henry, then drops him with a Brogue Kick.

MATCH 8: Dean Ambrose (w/Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins) vs. WWE Tag Team Co-Champion
Reigns is carrying Daniel Bryan’s WWE Tag Team title with him. Based on the fact that Ambrose is the only one who has gotten singles matches thus far, I think it’s obvious to everyone that even those within WWE know he’s going to be the breakout star of the group. Kane clears the ring before the match even starts by swinging his title belt. He boots Ambrose, then goes outside and throws Rollins into the barricade and throws Reigns over the announce desk. Rollins then gets clotheslined into the crowd. The match starts, and Kane throws Ambrose into the corner for some body blows and an uppercut. He boots Ambrose in the head, then throws him to the floor. Outside, Kane hotshots Ambrose onto the barricade before rolling him to the apron for a right hand to the jaw and a boot to the side of the face. Reigns is still out behind the desk. Back in the ring, Kane ties Ambrose up in the corner and hits a straight right, followed by a short-arm clothesline. Ambrose blocks a charge and mounts the middle rope, but gets an uppercut that sends him to the floor. Commercials.

Back from the break, Ambrose has taken control and is working over Kane’s left leg. During the break, Ambrose snapped Kane’s leg over his shoulder, hence the focus of his attack. Reigns and Rollins are both back up now. Ambrose hits a rolling leg snap on Kane. Kane tries to fight back, but Ambrose continues to assault Kane, who is now in the corner. Ambrose with some mounted corner punches, followed by a forearm shot to the face. Ambrose rolls outside and wraps Kane’s leg around the ring post twice, then applies a modified figure-4 before getting back in the ring, courtesy of the top rope. Kane has enough time to recover, and he launches Ambrose from the top. Kane hits a couple rights and a pair of corner clotheslines, followed by a sidewalk slam for 2. Kane goes up top for the flying clothesline, which connects. Kane is smiling as Rollins & Reigns are barking orders at Ambrose. Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Ambrose escapes and goes for a DDT. Kane escapes and goes for the chokeslam once more, which hits. Kane doesn’t capitalize with a pin, however, and Ambrose begins to stir. Kane calls for the tombstone and hoists Ambrose up, but lets him go when he see Rollins on the apron. Kane boots Rollins to the floor, and Ambrose clotheslines him over the top. Kane lands on his feet, drags Ambrose outside and slams him face-first into the announce desk. He then attacks Reigns and throws him into the steps. Ambrose rolls back in the ring, and Kane follows. Ambrose dropkicks him in the bad knee, then hits a headlock driver, getting the 3.

WINNER: Dean Ambrose. Major victory here, all things considering. At this rate, Ambrose is going to be HUGE in WWE somewhere down the road. Kane gets back up and challenges The Shield to get back in the ring. He fights them off for a moment until they surround the ring. The numbers are too much, and they completely dominate him. He eventually begins to fight back and grabs Rollins & Ambrose in a double goozle, but Reigns comes out of nowhere with a spear. Kane is then dropped with a triple powerbomb. Ambrose rolls to the floor and grabs the tag belts and hands one to Rollins. The trio stand over Kane with the belts held over their heads.

End of show.

The opening match was good. The main event was good. Even the “Teddy Long Tag Team Extravaganza, Playa” was good. Episodes like this make my job so much easier. Oh, and in case I haven’t said it before, The Shield is the best idea WWE has had in ages, and thus far, it has been executed to perfection.

-Dustin

Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: The Best of In Your House

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This week on WWE Friday Night SmackDown, we get a rare televised Undertaker match, as he goes one-on-one with Dean Ambrose in Ambrose’s singles debut. And hey, we’re immediately starting the show with a match.

MATCH 1-No Disqualification Match: Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter) vs. Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)
ADR fires off some rights, knees Swagger in the gut, and clotheslines him to the floor. He follows up with a suicide dive, landing on his feet in the process. ADR grabs Swagger’s bad arm and rams it into the steps, then goes under the ring for a kendo stick. As he gets in the ring, Swagger cuts him off, grabs the stick and begins attacking ADR’s bad knee with it. More strikes to the upper body with the stick by Swagger until ADR blocks one to the chest and gets back to his feet as they fight over the stick. ADR mule kicks Swagger in the gut, sending him to the corner. He charges in, but Swagger backdrops him to the floor. Outside, Swagger talks some trash and goes under the ring for a ladder. ADR gets back up and kicks Swagger in the face before he can get it, and now they’re trading punches up the ramp. Suplex on the ramp by ADR, and now he goes back for the ladder. He angles it on the apron as Cole calls it a “10-foot ladder” despite the fact that it’s clearly about the same height as ADR, if not a bit shorter. Swagger charges in, and ADR pancakes him into the ladder. Commercials.

Back from the break, Swagger is in control in the ring, with ADR locked in a front chancery. During the break, Swagger nailed ADR repeatedly with the kendo stick. Back to the match, ADR fights out of the chancery, but runs right into an elevated belly-to-belly for 2. Swagger goes outside and grabs the timekeeper’s chair. JBL calling the weapons in these matches “toys” pisses me off. Swagger gets on the apron, and ADR nails him with a step-up enziguri. Swagger rolls back into the ring and kicks ADR in the bad knee and hits a clothesline for 2. He goes back outside for the chair and wedges it in between the middle and top rope in the corner. ADR pops up with a double-knee armbreaker, and now both men are down. ADR is up first, and he hits a pair of clotheslines, ducks one and follows up with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Swagger rolls to the apron, so ADR pulls him through the middle and top rope, grabs the kendo stick and begins striking Swagger in the back with it. He hits nine strikes and follows up with a suspended Backstabber for 2. ADR calls for the rolling jujigatame and goes for it, but Swagger shoves him into the corner. ADR puts the breaks on and hits a thrust kick to the face for 2. ADR needs to not slap his thigh so obviously when he does that move. Anyway, he walks over to Swagger, and Swagger grabs him in the Patriot Lock. ADR counters into the jujigatame, and Swagger gets back to his feet, pinning ADR while still in the hold, only getting 2. He immediately sends ADR shoulder-first into the chair in the corner, getting 2 once more. Swagger rolls to the floor and grabs another ladder, putting it in the ring through the ropes. ADR see-saws it into Swagger’s face, and Swagger’s lip is busted open. ADR rolls outside, where Zeb has grabbed the stick. He distracts ADR, which allows Swagger to run the ladder into ADR’s face. Back in the ring, Swagger goes for the pin, getting 2. Swagger goes for the Swagger Bomb, but ADR gets his knees up and immediately goes for the jujigatame. Swagger starts to block it, but ADR manages to lock it in. Zeb hands the stick to Swagger, and he breaks the hold by nailing ADR in the head repeatedly. He gets up, hits ADR a few more times, then throws a ladder on top of him. Swagger hits the falling Doctor Bomb and manages to get the 3.

WINNER: Jack Swagger. Decent match, but honestly, I liked last week’s match better.

Later tonight, Sheamus faces The Big Show, and Randy Orton takes on Mark Henry.

MATCH 2: Aksana vs. Layla
It’s funny how, even pandering to the hometown crowd with her Union Jack-themed outfit, the fans don’t give a cat’s ass about her. Layla starts by kicking Aksana in the gut, then shoving her ass into Aksana’s face. Aksana counters a corner whip, blocks a headscissors and sends Layla to the floor with a kick through the ropes after dropping her over the top. Aksana throws Layla into the ring and, as she’s attempting to be sexy on the apron (not buying it), Layla kicks her. Back in the ring, Layla rolls her up in a schoolgirl for 1. Jackknife gets 2 for Layla. Hair whip by Layla, but as she goes for it again, Aksana counters into a stun gun and follows up with a running knee to the face for 2. Aksana stomps on Layla’s hand, then applies a wristlock. She sends Layla into the corner, and Layla collapses to the mat. Aksana continues to work on the arm before hitting a snapmare and a kick to the back. Layla comes back with some kicks, and Aksana blocks the Bombshell and sends Layla to the mat for an elbow, getting 2. Layla counters an Irish whip into a roll-through pin, then continues rolling into a crucifix for the 3.

WINNER: Layla. According to Josh Mathews, Layla calls her new move Infinity. Yay.

We get a promo from The Shield. Ambrose says they stood face-to-face with the tag champs and The Undertaker, and what happened? Justice prevailed, and The Shield were victorious. They were unbreakable. It’s an injustice Team Hell No! are still champs, but not for long. The Undertaker escaped with his soul intact, but not for long. ‘Taker is still walking and breathing, and that isn’t right. Tonight, Ambrose is going to beat ‘Taker, if it’s the last thing he does. Justice, not ‘Taker, will be immortal. At the hands of The Shield, ‘Taker will not rest in peace, but he will believe in The Shield.

MATCH 3: Fandango (w/Summer Rae) vs. Justin Gabriel
Rae hasn’t been formally introduced, but that’s who she works as in NXT, so that’s what I’m calling her until further notice. The whole crowd is chanting “ChaChaLaLa”, despite the fact that the music has stopped. Fandango boots Gabriel to the head, but Gabriel escapes a suplex, sweeps Fandango and rolls him up for 2. Fandango slides to the floor, then shoulders Gabriel on the way back into the ring before getting hit with an armdrag into an armbar. Fandango shoves Gabriel to the corner and breaks the hold with some punches before hitting a knee to the side of the head. Gabriel is tied up through the ropes, and Fandango nails some forearms to the back of the head, then jumps outside and nails Gabriel with Dolph Ziggler’s old apron kick for 2. Gabriel comes back with a jumping roundhouse and a standard one. In the corner, he floats over Fandango off a forearm shot and goes for a springboard cross-body, but gets nailed with a kick to the gut. Fandango hits a side-Russian legsweep and then goes up top and hits the guillotine legdrop for 3.

WINNER: Fandango.

MATCH 4: Sheamus vs. The Big Show
Show immediately throws Sheamus to the mat out of a lockup. Another lockup, and Sheamus manages to throw Show into the corner. Sheamus fires off some rights and kicks, but is immediately stopped by a headbutt from Show. Show ties Sheamus in the ropes and hits a series of open-hand chops. Sheamus comes back with rights until Show just shoves him over the top rope and to the floor. Show follows and continues attacking Sheamus on the outside before rolling him back in. Sheamus cuts Show off at the apron, then ties him up for some forearms to the chest. Show shakes them off and headbutts Sheamus. Sheamus blocks a corner charge, but gets hit with a sidewalk slam. Running elbow connects, and Show gets 2. Show chokes Sheamus over the middle rope, then hits another headbutt. Final Cut connects, and Show gets another 2. Sheamus starts to fight back with right hands and goes for a bodyslam, but Show falls on top of Sheamus for 2. He then walks across Sheamus’ stomach before hitting another headbutt. Sheamus collapses against the ropes, and Show boots him. Sheamus’ upper half winds up underneath the bottom rope, so Show goes outside and hits an open-hand chop to the chest. Commercials.

Back from the break, Show is still in control, and he throws Sheamus shoulder-first into the ring post, sending Sheamus crashing to the floor. Outside, Show throws Sheamus into the ring steps, breaking them apart in the process. Show rolls back into the ring to start the count over and Sheamus makes it in at 9. Show throws Sheamus shoulder-first into the top turnbuckle, then drops his weight across Sheamus’ arm. Sheamus swings wildly and Show clubs him down with a forearm before applying a top wristlock. Sheamus fights out, knocking Show to his knees. Sheamus follows up with a snap DDT, then begins nailing Show with right hands. Show comes back with body blows. Both men are back up, and Sheamus hits a pair of clotheslines, a running shoulder thrust in the corner, a running kneelift, and the Battering Ram from the top rope. Sheamus goes for White Noise, but Show blocks it and goes for the chokeslam. Sheamus escapes and hits White Noise. Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick, but Show sees it coming and rolls to the floor. Sheamus hits a running double axe handle to the back from the apron, but Show comes back with rights and crawls back in the ring. Sheamus hotshots Show’s left arm from the floor and goes back up top. Mark Henry appears out of nowhere and knocks the ring steps over, distracting Show. This allows Show to hit Sheamus with the WMD while he’s still on the top rope. Sheamus falls to the mat, and Show gets the 3.

WINNER: The Big Show.

MATCH 5: William Regal vs. Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett (non-title)
I realize that Regal is only out here because we’re in England, but I don’t care. Regal is one of my all-time favorite workers, and the fact that he’s taking on Barrett, one of my current favorites, makes me very happy. Before the match, Barrett says that he realizes we’re in England, and the country is infamous for grave robberies. He never would have believed the story until today, when he found out there was a body missing from a crypt, and that body is standing in the ring. But don’t worry Regal-you’re about to get sent back from whence you came at the hands of the great Barrett Barrage. Bell sounds, and Barrett hits some knees. Regal comes back with a clothesline and hits some kneelifts in the corner. Barrett lands a mule kick out of the corner and Barrett goes for the Bull Hammer. Regal ducks and hits a carousel suplex. He goes for the knee trembler, but Barrett moves and blasts Regal with the Hammer for 3.

WINNER: Wade Barrett. I was really hoping for more here, so I’m pretty disappointed. Still, I got to see Regal, which is always a good thing.

MATCH 6: Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry
Henry backs Orton into the corner, hits a clothesline and goes for the WSS. Orton escapes and hits some rights, knocking Henry to the floor. Orton follows and forearms Henry in the back of the head. Henry fights back with punches and headbutts and goes to lawn dart Orton into the post. Orton escapes and shoves Henry face-first into it. Back in the ring, Orton attacks Henry as he’s rolling in, then goes for the Garvin Stomp. Henry pops back up and hits a running clothesline before choking Orton over the middle rope. Henry hits some shoulder thrusts in the corner, but Orton manages to fight back with rights. Henry stays on his feet after receiving a clothesline, but gets knocked down on the second attempt. Orton hits a DDT and gets 2. Henry rolls to the apron, and Orton goes for the suspended DDT, which connects. Orton calls for the RKO, but Henry rolls to the floor. Orton follows, and ends up getting rammed back-first into the ring post. Back in the ring, Henry goes after Orton, but Sheamus runs down and hits a Brogue Kick to cause the DQ.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Mark Henry. Orton hits an RKO on Henry shortly thereafter.

MATCH 7: The Undertaker vs. Dean Ambrose (w/Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins)
Rollins and Reigns distract ‘Taker, and Ambrose capitalizes with rights. ‘Taker mostly shakes it off and counters with his own punches, sending Ambrose to the floor where he gets rammed into the barricade. ‘Taker rolls Ambrose onto the apron, hitting a legdrop. Back in the ring, ‘Taker misses a running boot in the corner and falls to the apron. Ambrose baseball slides him to the floor, then follows out for some mounted punches before ramming ‘Taker into the barricade and throwing him back in the ring. Ambrose continues the attack, grinding his forearm against ‘Taker’s face in the corner before tying him up in the ropes and hitting a running seated dropkick for 2. Ambrose applies a cravat and eventually turns it into a neckbreaker for 2. Ambrose hits some rights, then mocks ‘Taker’s throat cut. ‘Taker goozles him and gets to his feet, but Ambrose fights out, and now the two trade punches. Ambrose hits a running kneelift, but then runs into a chokeslam. ‘Taker knocks Rollins off the apron, and as Reigns distracts the ref, Ambrose hits a low blow on ‘Taker and a modified DDT gets 2. As Ambrose goes to capitalize, ‘Taker traps him in Hell’s Gate and gets the tapout victory.

WINNER: The Undertaker. After the match, The Shield swarm ‘Taker and eventually triple powerbomb him through the table.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

-Dustin

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: Undertaker – The Streak

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This week’s WWE SmackDown! opens with Fandango and Anonymous Broad heading down to the ring. Lilian Garcia enters the ring, and Fandango begins fondling her. He tells her she’s looking excellent tonight, then asks if she’s ever been dipped before. Have you ever made moves on anyone before? Lilian, have you ever Fandangoed before? It feels good. Real good. Fandango then spins her and goes to kiss her, but instead dips her before telling her that was terrible. Fandango then drops Lilian in the middle of the ring. He tells her she’s beautiful, but there’s nothing beautiful about the way she dances. You’re just like each and every one of these people who butcher his name and mock his dance. Can you at least pronounce his name correctly? Pay attention: It’s FAN…

Santino Marella comes out on the stage and calls him “Fandingo”. Fandango is a very rude person, the way he talks to the WWE Universe and the way he just treated Lilian. Hi, Lilian. It pains Santino to admit it, though: Fandango has some good moves. That dance looks like so much fun. In fact, he really hopes if the WWE Universe doesn’t mind if Santino does his version. But first, he’d like to introduce his dance partner…it’s the Cobra. Together, they are going to do a 2-step all over Fandango’s face. Santino begins dancing to Fandango’s entrance theme, getting in Fandango’s face in the process. Fandango eventually charges at Santino, but Santino low-bridges him to the outside.

MATCH 1: Fandango (w/Anonymous Broad) vs. Santino Marella
Fandango immediately attacks Santino and throws him to the corner. Santino counters a corner whip and mocks Fandango, so Fandango kicks him. Boot to the head by Fandango, and now some mounted punches. Santino fails at a kip-up, so Fandango stomps him some more. The “You can’t wrestle!” chants have already started. Forearm shots in the corner by Fandango, and then he slams Santino face-first into the mat. Santino once again fails at a kip-up, and Fandango goes for more mounted punches before applying a cravat. Fandango snaps him back to the mat, then rubs himself. Santino succeeds at the kip-up this time, hits some rights, does the splits and hits a hip toss and a saluting headbutt. He goes for the Cobra, but Fandango blocks it and hits a variation of the Flatliner to get the 3.

WINNER: Fandango.

We see Booker T and Teddy Long in Book’s office. Book tells Teddy things are different now. Teddy didn’t consult him when making a match Monday night between Swagger and Ziggler. The Big Show walks in and thanks Teddy for giving him a tag team partner against Sheamus and Orton. Unlike some who put him in a handicap match, Teddy had the foresight to make sure he’s in a situation where he won’t get injured. Book then stares at Teddy as Teddy leaves.

MATCH 2-Champion vs. Champion: WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett (non-title)
Lock-up to start, and Wade backs Kofi into the corner. Kofi ducks a right and hits some kicks. Wade counters an arm wringers with a right hand, then begins hitting some elbows to the back of the head. Kofi flips out of an arm wringer and snaps off a hurricanrana for 2. Wade shoulders Kofi off the ropes, and a crisscross ends with a dropkick by Kofi for 2. Kofi applies a top wristlock, and Wade fights out before hitting some straight left jabs. Kofi ducks one and hits a side-Russian legsweep before hitting a kick to the chest. Kofi hits a springboard splash from the middle rope for 2. Wade begins to fight back, but runs into a Pendulum by Kofi. Kofi goes up top, but Wade boots him in the face, sending him to the floor. Wade follows outside, where he continues striking Kofi before slamming him into the announce desk. Back in the ring, Wade rolls Kofi over for the pin, getting 2. Wade sets Kofi horizontally across the top rope, hitting a running kneelift to the gut. Wade goes for the pin again, getting another 2 before applying a rear chinlock. Kofi fights out of the hold with lefts and rights until Wade hits a kneelift and sends Kofi to the corner. Kofi blocks the charge and mounts the middle rope, but Wade whips him back to the mat for 2. Wade drops an elbow off the ropes before going back to the chinlock. Kofi fights out once more, ducks a clothesline, ducks another and gets caught with the Winds of Change. He tries to counter the move into a crucifix, but Wade drops backward into a modified Samoan drop for 2. Kofi holds on and counters the pin into a crucifix and gets the 3.

WINNER: Kofi Kingsotn. Not the best outing for these two, but still a solid match. These two are pretty much always guaranteed to deliver when they face each other.

Renee Young stops Mark Henry in the back to ask why he’s been attacking Sheamus. He says it’s because he can, and that’s just what he does. Sheamus then runs in and tackles Henry through a table and tells him that’s what he does, fella. These two feuded once before, and it was surprisingly entertaining, so I’m okay with WWE renewing this feud.

MATCH 3: Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter)
ADR starts with a side headlock, and Swagger immediately goes to the injured left leg. ADR attacks Swagger’s injured shoulder, causing a clean break. ADR goes into a waistlock, and Swagger counters. ADR counters into an armbar, but Swagger fights him off. Swagger hits a kneelift and a hip throw. ADR shoves him off, and Swagger hits a shoulderblock. They go for a crisscross, but ADR lands badly on his injured leg. Swagger capitalizes and kicks him in the knee before dragging him to the ring post from the outside. ADR fights him off, kicking him into the barricade. ADR heads outside and nails Swagger with a kick to the chest before slamming the bad arm into the steps. Back in the ring, ADR goes for the pin and gets 2. ADR kicks Swagger between the shoulders for another 2. Swagger blocks a suplex and hits his own. Back up, ADR counters a corner whip. Swagger back drops him coming in. ADR lands on the apron, but his leg gets caught on the top rope. Swagger hotshots the leg, then knocks ADR to the floor. Commercials.

Back from the break, Swagger has a step-over toehold applied on ADR. ADR kicks him off, then hits a big kick to the bad arm. He jumps off the middle rope, and Swagger shoulders him in the bad leg on the way down for 2. Swagger drags ADR to the middle where he applies a legbar. ADR punches his way out of the hold. Back up, he ducks a clothesline and counters into a crucifix for 2. Swagger gets back up and hits a shoulderblock. Foot choke by Swagger now, but ADR begins to fight back. Swagger backs ADR into the corner and hits a series of kneelifts before working over the bad leg through the ropes. Swagger hits a short-arm clothesline, getting 2. Swagger begins ripping the bandage off of ADR’s knee and strikes it before going for the step-over toe hold again. ADR punches Swagger off and goes for the step-up enziguri, but Swagger ducks and hits an elevated belly-to-belly suplex for 2. ADR rolls to the apron, and he applies a jujigatame on the bad arm over the top rope. Back in, they trade strikes until Swagger kicks the bad knee. ADR ducks a running boot and hits a pair of clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. However, ADR does it over his bad knee, putting himself down in the process. Swagger rolls to the apron, and ADR pulls him through the middle rope, hitting some forearm shots to the back and a Backstabber for 2. ADR calls for the rolling jujigatame, but Swagger counters and picks him up. ADR counters into a sunset flip for 2, then locks Swagger into the jujigatame. Swagger counters into the Patriot Lock. ADR manages to get a rope break, so Swagger breaks it and hits a Swagger Bomb to the back for 2. ADR tries to counter the Swagger Bomb the second time, but Swagger grabs the feet. He goes for the Patriot Lock again, but ADR kicks him in the bad arm and hits a double-knee armbreaker. ADR picks Swagger and goes for the rolling jujigatame, but Swagger shoves him off to the floor on the outside. ADR makes in before the count and hits a thrust kick to the face, getting 2 as Swagger grabs the ropes. Swagger trips ADR and gets the Patriot Lock on, but ADR rolls through and applies the jujigatame. Swagger gets back to his feet and tries to pin ADR, but ADR rolls through and rolls him into a pin for 3.

WINNER: Alberto Del Rio. Match was so-so, but had a nice finish.

We get a video for the Ryback/Cena feud. I don’t know if they’re planning on turning Ryback full heel right now, but it might not be a bad idea.

The announcers are talking about The Shield when the group interrupts. They talk about beating down John Cena this past Monday night, as well as Ryback watching on as Cena got beat down without helping out. Ryback knows how justice feels. He doesn’t want any more of their justice, and the look on Ryback’s face on Monday night was the same as the face on the Undertaker two weeks ago. They saw fear in ‘Taker’s eyes. He was terrified, and has never been so relieved to see Kane and Daniel Bryan. ‘Taker may be undefeated at Wrestlemania, but The Shield are undefeated, period. ‘Taker has run the company for 20 years, but all legends eventually get pushed aside, and ‘Taker’s time is up. Believe in The Shield.

MATCH 4-6-Person Tag Team Match: The Great Khali, Hornswoggle and Natalya vs. Epico, Primo and Rosa Mendes
I am still standing by my policy that matches involving Hornswoggle as a legal competitor will not be recapped. I apologize to his fans out there, but I’m sure both parents understand. Rosa looks good at least. This match apparently came about after an altercation in the parking lot between the two teams. Khali pins Epico after a Punjabi Plunge.

WINNERS: The Great Khali Hornswoggle and Natalya.

“From the Vault” segment featuring Berserker vs. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka from 1991. Did anyone else find it strange when Snuka inexplicably started wearing boots to wrestle in when he spent so many years doing it barefoot? And speaking of footwear, I remember when Berserker joined WCW and started wrestling as John Nord. Despite no longer doing the Viking-type gimmick, Nord continued to wear the big furry boots for his matches, which was really weird.

MATCH 5: Mark Henry and The Big Show vs. Randy Orton and Sheamus
Sheamus and Henry start the match and begin yelling at each other. Henry decides to immediately tag in Show instead of fight. Show comes in, and the two immediately trade punches with Show getting the best of it. He drops Sheamus over the top rope onto the apron, then hits several open-hand chops to the chest, knocking Sheamus to the floor. Back in the ring, Sheamus cuts Show off on the apron with a hotshot, then nails Show with several forearms to the chest. Show shoves Sheamus into the corner, and Sheamus boots him in the knee before going up top. Show sees the Battering Ram coming, and Sheamus lands on his feet. He turns around into a kick from Show. Show goes for an elbow drop, but misses. Orton tags in and fires off some rights until Show throws him to the corner. Orton fights out, but gets hit with a sidewalk slam off the ropes. Headbutt by Show, and now Henry tags in. He chokes Orton over the middle rope. Orton fights back with rights before getting caught in a bearhug. Orton fights his way out, but Henry picks him up and rams him into the corner by Show. Show tags in and hits a body blow on Orton, knocking him down. Show hits another one in the middle of the ring. Orton begins to fight back, but runs into a goozle. However, he counters the chokeslam into a DDT. Sheamus tags in, ducks a clothesline and hits a pair of flying forearms. He rams Show into the corner, hits a running kneelift and follows up with a Battering Ram. White Noise connects, and now Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick. He sees Henry run towards Show on the apron, so Sheamus knocks him down before getting hit with a spear by Show. Commercials.

Back from the break, Show knees Sheamus in the head. Sheamus tries to fight back from his knees, but winds up running into a clothesline. Show hits the Final Cut for 2. Bodyslam by Show, and now he tags in Henry. Henry applies a trapezius claw. Sheamus fights out before running into a big boot by Henry, which gets 2 as Orton breaks up the pin. Show tags in and hits a running body blow on Sheamus as Henry holds him up. Sheamus falls into the corner, where Show hits another body blow. He stumbles across the ring to another corner, and Show hits an open-hand chop. Sheamus starts hitting some rights until Show hits a kneelift and applies a trapezius claw of his own. Show picks Sheamus up and hits a forearm across the back before going back to the claw. Show throws Sheamus to the corner and hits a running hip bump. He goes to the ropes, and Sheamus comes out of the corner with a chopblock. Orton and Henry tag in. Orton ducks a clothesline, hits some kicks and punches, ducks a clothesline and finally knocks Henry down with one of his own. Orton hits a DDT on Henry from Henry’s knees, getting 2. Henry rolls to the apron, and Orton goes for the suspended DDT. Show comes in and hits Orton across the back. Henry tags Show in, and as Show is climbing in over the top rope, Orton catches him with the suspended DDT. Orton calls for the RKO, but Henry comes in and clotheslines him. Sheamus tackles Henry through the ropes, sending them both to the floor. Show gets up and hits the chokeslam on Orton, getting 3.

WINNERS: The Big Show and Mark Henry.

End of show.

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WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: Bret Hitman Hart – The Dungeon Collection

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This week’s edition WWE Wrestler of the Week will prove to you how absurd WWE’s booking is in terms of matches fans see on Raw and Smackdown. There are four candidates for WWE Wrestler of the Week, but three candidates’ 2-0 record occurred via the same match. This means that WWE repeated the same exact match on Raw and Smackdown this week. This wouldn’t be the first time WWE has repeated matches. However, the fact that three matches were repeated in the same week is overkill.

The first candidate for this week’s award is Team Hell No who scored two victories over the Prime Time Players this week. The tag team division seemed to be on the rise when Daniel Bryan and Kane joined forces. However, we constantly see Team Hell No defeat Darren Young and Titus O’Neil almost every week. WWE needs to utilize the tag teams they have more and develop new tag teams. There has been a ton of criticism for the tag team division over the last few years, but WWE seems to be just giving up by booking the same match every show.

The next candidate is the team of Randy Orton and Sheamus, also known as the Celtic Vipers. Orton and Sheamus scored two victories over Big Show, both in handicap matches. It baffles me why WWE booked this match again. It seemed as though WWE was going to book a triple threat match between the three superstars at Extreme Rules in May. However, Sheamus and Randy Orton have been on the same page throughout their time as a tag team. Plus, Mark Henry has been attacking Sheamus as of late. Orton and Sheamus seem to be stuck in this upper midcard to lower main event level without anywhere to go. If WWE wants to keep Orton and Sheamus together, they should join the tag team division.

The next candidates are the Bella Twins who scored victories over Kaitlyn twice this week, but in different situations. On Smackdown, the Bella Twins teamed with Tamina against Kaitlyn and the Funkadactyls. Then on Raw, Nikki Bella was victorious over Kaitlyn in a non-title divas match. Nikki Bella was able to score the win by using twin magic and having her sister, Brie, slide into the ring and score the pin. The referee even raised both Bella Twins’ hands, which made the whole situation look a lot worse. The Bella Twins make a better case for the win this week since their two matches weren’t identical. In addition, it is rare to see a divas match on WWE TV these days. Getting two wins over the divas champion is that much more impressive. Perhaps WWE will move the title back to the Bella Twins once again.

The final candidate for WWE Wrestler of the Week is Kofi Kingston, who scored two victories over Antonio Cesaro. Kofi’s first win over Cesaro was on Smackdown in a non-title match. Then, Kofi was able to defeat Cesaro for the title on Raw. This came as a shocking turn of events after Cesaro’s eight month reign as champion. I went into much greater detail about Kofi’s win and what it means in a different article. Kofi has to be a transitional champion for the next up and coming WWE heel, but Cesaro’s loss should have occurred on pay-per-view to a superstar higher up on the card.

It would be difficult to give the award to Team Hell No or the Celtic Vipers since they had the exact same match on Raw and Smackdown. Therefore, it is between the Bella Twins and Kofi Kingston. The Bellas were impressive against Kaitlyn this week. Kingston may deserve the win after winning the U.S. title, but as discussed before, he is most likely a transitional champion.

Who do you think deserves the WWE Wrestler of the Week? Please share your thought and opinion in the comment section below.

Be sure to check out Camel Clutch Blog each and every Friday to debate the new WWE Wrestler of the Week!

Seth M. Guttenplan is a WWE Featured Columnist for Bleacher Report and host of OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW!? PWPRadio’s weekly radio show covering all wrestling news and rumors. To read more from Seth follow him on twitter (@sethgutt) and check out guttwrenchpowerblog.com. You can also like GWP on Facebook here.

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: The Best of in Your House

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This week on WWE Friday Night SmackDown, Triple H will appear for the first time in a long time. Also, the NEW World Champion Dolph Ziggler will be making an appearance. I cannot tell you how excited I am to finally see him wearing the gold (yes, I know he was champ for 15 minutes once, but even Ziggler himself doesn’t count that reign).

Big E. Langston makes his way onto the stage to formally introduce the new champ. Ziggler, AJ Lee and Langston make their way down to the ring. Ever since he debuted, he’s been the most physically gift athlete in wrestling, and that’s an understatement. People would look at him and just knew that he was the future of the company, and this World title proves the future is now. Each and everyone of you feels like you’re a part of this. You chanted for him at Wrestlemania despite not being in the match. Then, the next night at RAW, when he made history…the WWE Universe would love to join in on this celebration. But the fact is that the title and that moment belong to only one person, and that’s Dolph Ziggler. He didn’t win the belt because of the fans; he did it in spite of us. All of his life, people have ridden his coattails for whatever reason, but no matter what, you will never be him when you look in the mirror…

Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter appear on stage, and Zeb has a mic in-hand. Ziggler isn’t happy and wants to know what they’re doing out here. Zeb formally introduces himself to Ziggler, and he congratulates Ziggler for what happened on Monday night. Beyond that, as far as the title is concerned, everyone in the WWE Universe knows who to thank for Ziggler’s success, and that’s Jack Swagger. Ziggler says this is his interview time and celebration. Jack, you had your chance at Wrestlemania and you blew it, so go to the back of the line. This is Ziggler’s time. Swagger starts to get in the ring, but then backs down when he realizes he’s outnumbered. Zeb tells Ziggler he should be grateful and give Swagger what he wants and deserves. The feed I have scrambles here, so I’m not sure what was said next by Zeb or Swagger. Ziggler tells them to stop playing Swagger’s music, then says that you can watch what happened on Monday night on DVR, but no one will ever be…

Alberto Del Rio now interrupts. Ziggler asks if ADR is here to steal the spotlight, or if he’s just bummed out because he’s no longer champion. Or, is he out here to get his rematch? If that’s the case, hobble on down and he can have the rematch right now. ADR says he didn’t come out to complain or anything; he came out here to say congratulations. He knows how it feels to cash in the MITB contract. That’s how he won the WWE title, and it feels great. But, when his ankle heals and he gets his rematch, Ziggler will be the one crying and complaining, perro. Until then, hasta la vista, baby.

Ziggler then asks for ADR’s music to be cut off. This is HIS night and HIS celebration. He’s sick of being interrupted. The next person that feels like they need to interrupt him will see why he is the real World Heavyweight Champion. No one comes out for a moment, and as Ziggler starts to talk again, Chris Jericho interrupts. Jericho asks him to please shut the hell up. Congratulations on winning the title, but you’re babbling about everything, including your crazy girlfriend AJ. AJ covers her ears and begins to scream as the fans chant “Crazy!” at her. Ziggler talks about being a show-off; Y2J is the original show-off, baby. It’s time to stop talking and start rocking. Jericho just came from Booker T’s office, and he had some very interesting information for everyone, including Ziggler. He refers to Ziggler’s fans as “Dolphins”. The news is that his very first match as champion is going to be Jericho himself, and it will be later tonight. And when you’re finished with the match, Ziggy Stardust, you will never, ever, EVER be the same again.

You know, JBL is a decent color commentator, but hearing him say “We fight on Friday night” all the damn time is really obnoxious.

MATCH 1: The Prime-Time Players (Titus O’Neil and Darren Young) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No! (Daniel Bryan and Kane; non-title)
I am amazed Kane and Bryan are still champions. I was certain Ziggler and Langston were going to win on Sunday. Oh, well. Ziggler’s WHC now, so it’s all good. Titus starts off with strikes on Kane. Kane counters into a pair of corner clotheslines. Up top, Kane hits a flying clothesline and calls for the chokeslam. Young tags himself in and runs into an uppercut. Bryan in now, and Kane sends him into Young with a corner whip into a corner dropkick. Bryan fires off some No! Kicks, but telegraphs a back body drop. Titus back in and Bryan ducks a double clothesline. Kane comes back in and chokeslams Young. Bryan applies the No! Lock on Titus, and Titus taps out.

WINNERS: Team Hell No! Man, that was short. The Shield appear on the TitanTron after the match and Dean Ambrose talks about the Brothers of Destruction reuniting, and hopes they don’t think The Shield is afraid. Gotta have a brain to survive, and that’s knowing where and when to strike. They don’t back down or ever run from a fight. Believe that. Believe in The Shield.

MATCH 2: Santino Marella vs. Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett (non-title)
Barrett starts with a side headlock before shouldering Santino down. Santino shoves him and ducks a clothesline, but Barrett nails a mule kick to the gut and hits an elbow to the back of the head for 1. Santino tries to kip up, but can’t do it. Barrett goes into a mount and hits some punches for 2 before going to a rear chinlock. Santino fights out, but gets hit with a knee to the gut. He avoids being sent into the corner before running into the Winds of Change for 2. Barrett signals for the Bull Hammer as Santino finally does the kip-up correctly. He ducks a clothesline, hits a few punches, a hip toss and a saluting headbutt for 2. Santino goes for the Cobra, but Barrett kicks the arm away and absolutely levels Santino with the Bull Hammer for 3.

WINNER: Wade Barrett.

Teddy Long and Booker T are in Book’s office talking when Sheamus interrupts. He wants to know why Book overruled him on Monday night, then booked a match against Randy Orton later on. Randy Orton steps in and is basically complaining about the same thing. Book starts to explain when Teddy interrupts. He says this is Book’s mistake, not his. Book says that Big Show was wrong, and he’s going to right that wrong. Both Sheamus and Orton want Show, and they’ve got it in a 2-on-1 Handicap match tonight. After they leave, Book then stares at Teddy.

MATCH 3: The Bella Twins (Brie & Nikki) and Tamina Snuka vs. The Funkadactyls (Cameron & Naomi) and WWE Divas Champion Kaitlyn
Kaitlyn and Snuka start the match, and Snuka immediately goes on the attack, knocking Kaitlyn down. Kaitlyn quickly recovers with a spear and goes for the pin. One of the Bellas breaks it, so Kaitlyn spears her. The other Bella tags in, and Naomi tags in, hitting a springboard cross-body and a flying headscissors. Rear View connects, and Naomi mounts the middle rope, but the other Bella yanks her to the floor. Cameron takes her out on the floor, and in the ring, one of the Bellas whips Naomi down by the hair and gets the 3.

WINNERS: The Bella Twins and Tamina Snuka. A hair whip ends the match? For f*ck’s sake.

Triple H makes his way out to the ring now. He says he told us the ass kicker’s back. He told Brock Lesnar they wouldn’t wrestle or fight, but that they were going to war. Well, they went to war, and Paul Heyman can make any excuses…

3MB of all people interrupt Trips’ celebration. Heath Slater tells Trips to shut up and listen up. Apparently, around here, you have to jump one of the big dogs to get noticed, and what bigger dog is there than Triple H? You think that battle with Brock Lesnar was bad? You ain’t seen anything yet, because 3MB is about to rock your face. 3MB surround the ring as Trips throws down the leather jacket. Before they can attack, The Shield’s music hits, and we see them coming down through the crowd. The Shield yank the members of 3MB off the aprons and destroy them on the floor before staring Trips down in the ring. They now jump on the apron, but before they can attack, Team Hell No! hits the ring to even things up. The Shield decides to head for higher ground.

In Booker T’s office, we see Book and Teddy arguing. Big Show enters, so Teddy leaves. He asks about the match tonight, and Book says it’s because he stuck his nose in business that didn’t concern him. Show says this is typical of Book’s bias against him. How about Show messes up his plans and just leaves the building? With his iron-clad contract, he can do what he wants. Book tells him to go ahead, because he’ll do whatever he can to get that contract destroyed in court. If Show wants to stay, though, his match is next.

MATCH 4-2-on-1 Handicap Match: Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. The Big Show
Orton starts for his side and attacks Show with kicks and punches. He corners Show and hits more punches and kicks. Show hits a sidewalk slam off the ropes before walking across Orton’s stomach. Show hits a body blow, then follows up with a bodyslam before mounting the middle rope, missing an elbow drop. Sheamus tags in, tackles Show and hits some punches. Sheamus hits a pair of Irish Hammers and a clothesline before shouldering Show in the corner and hitting a running kneelift. However, Show rebounds and hits Sheamus with a spear before nailing Orton with another body blow. Show grabs Orton, but Orton surprises him with an RKO. Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick now, nails Show and sends him to the floor. Show manages to get to his feet, but instead of going back to the ring to make the count, he heads up the ramp instead.

WINNERS VIA COUNT-OUT: Randy Orton and Sheamus.

We see Orton and Sheamus heading back to the locker room, and they’re happy about getting some revenge. Orton walks off as Renee Young stops them for an interview. Sheamus tells her it did take two of them to take Show down, but it still felt sweet, and heart is what matters, not how big and strong you are. As Sheamus says this, Mark Henry clobbers Sheamus from behind, sending him through a table.

MATCH 5: WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston (non-title)
Cesaro starts with an armbar. Kofi flips out of it, but gets clobbered. Cesaro hits some mounted forearm shots, then nails a straight right. Kofi comes back with a sunset flip for 2, but Cesaro rolls through and nails Kofi for 2. The deadlift gutwrench suplex hits, and now Cesaro yodels before hitting a running European uppercut in the corner for 2. Cesaro applies a mounted rear chinlock before just whipping Kofi down. He misses the double stomp, and Kofi hits a pair of double chops and a dropkick. He goes for the leaping clothesline, but Cesaro counters with a Very European Uppercut for 2. Cesaro charges into the corner, and Kofi counters with a pendulum kick. Up top, Kofi goes for the pumping cross-body, but Cesaro catches him. He looks for snake eyes, but Kofi slides out and shoves Cesaro into the corner. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise and gets the 3.

WINNER: Kofi Kingston. I am very disappointed with how WWE has been booking Cesaro lately.

Fandango and his anonymous broad make their way out. It absolutely kills me that fans have latched onto Fandango solely for his entrance music. Granted, the music is insanely catchy (I have it set as both my ringtone and morning alarm), but it’s still hilarious, especially when Fandango still is average-at-best in the ring and still has an awful gimmick. I am interested to see if WWE latches onto this or if they pay attention to it for a couple of weeks before deciding to ignore it, as is the norm. The fans are “Fandangoing” by chanting along with the entrance theme here in Boston similar to Monday, only not quite as loud. Still pretty audible, though. Looks like he’ll be looking on during the main event, which means his feud with Jericho likely isn’t over.

MATCH 6: World Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/Big E. Langston and AJ Lee) vs. Chris Jericho (non-title)
Lock-up to start, and Jericho quickly armdrags Ziggler. Another lock-up, and Jericho applies a side headlock this time. Jericho shoulders Ziggler off the ropes, and a crisscross ends when Jericho chops Ziggler in the chest. Suplex by Jericho, but Ziggler begins to fight back with shots to the gut in the corner and follows up with a jumping avalanche. Ziggler hits a few more shots on Jericho in the adjacent corner before sending Jericho into the opposite corner. Jericho blocks a charge and hits a missile dropkick for 2. Jericho chokes Ziggler over the middle rope. AJ trips him, and that allows Ziggler to hit a rocker dropper for 2. Commercials.

We’re back, and Ziggler mocks Jericho with a posing pin. Jericho begins to fight back with rights before getting caught with a neckbreaker for 2. Ziggler applies a rear chinlock, complete with a headstand. Ziggler lands on his feet, turning the hold into a modified inverted STF before rolling back into a rear chinlock. Jericho gets back to his feet, but Ziggler cuts him off with some punches. Jericho comes back with a running forearm and a couple of shoulder tackles before Ziggler sends him to the outside. Jericho lands on his feet on the apron and goes to the top, connecting with a double axe handle. Jericho goes for a bulldog, but Ziggler shoves him off and hits a leaping DDT for 2. Jericho ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Langston through the ropes before knocking Ziggler down and following up with a top rope cross-body for 2 as Fandango and Jericho lock eyes. Ziggler pops back up with a gorgeous dropkick for 2. Jericho blocks the Zig-Zag and tries to roll Ziggler into the Walls. Ziggler rolls through, but Jericho knocks him down and hits the Lionsault for 2. Fandango jumps on the apron, so Jericho hits him with a springboard dropkick. Ziggler comes from behind and hits another rocker dropper and gets the pin with a handful of tights.

WINNER: Dolph Ziggler. Jericho attacks Ziggler after the match. Langston comes in, so Jericho hits him with a step-up enziguri. He scares Fandango off the apron, and that allows Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag. Langston gets back up and hits the Big Ending. So much for “Sudden Impact” being the name of his finisher. Fandango gets back up and gets in the ring. He dances for a moment, then begins attacking Jericho. Fandango dances some more, then jumps to the top rope. More dancing, and the guillotine legdrop connects. His anonymous broad gets in the ring and Fandango announces his own name as she does the splits. The fans go from booing Fandango mercilessly to chanting along with his theme music in a matter of seconds.

End of show.

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WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

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WWE WrestleMania 29 is just hours away and I thought it would be fun to get in some last minute predictions. Sure on paper the WrestleMania 29 results and stories are some of the most predictable in WWE history but what if they weren’t so predictable after all?

Now keep in mind that these surprises are what I’d call bold in that the odds aren’t good that a lot of these take place. But are they impossible? Probably, but it won’t stop me from having some fun with them. So before you come on here and tell me what kind of a fool I am that none of these happened, remember this is just for fun.

At the same time if they do happen I’d expect you to call me a genius of course. With that said, let’s take a look into my crystal ball and see what stunning surprises may come our way at the big event.

CM Punk wins and ends the streak - Have we all gotten spoiled or should there be more to a WrestleMania match featuring The Undertaker? There is something missing here and while some have blamed it on an uninspired CM Punk, I would just say that there is very little chemistry between these two thus far. It would appear that the streak is in no danger of being broken. Thus I would be absolutely shocked if Punk walked out victorious. I suppose anything can happen but that would be the biggest surprise to see if Punk wins at Met Life Stadium.

Brock Lesnar wins and Triple H retires - One of the problems with this match from the start is that it is way too predictable. There is no reason to match these guys up twice unless Hunter is getting his win back. When they announced retirement stip, it made the match even more predictable. But what if Hunter is actually retiring? It’s funny because people are taking this seriously, yet a history of these angles in the WWE show that retirements mean very little. Do you think Shawn Michaels would not be back if it weren’t for his disinterest in wrestling again? I hesitated putting this on the list because honestly, I think Brock wins. But to the masses it would be a big surprise and an even bigger surprise if this was the end of The Game.

John Cena turns heel and wins the WWE chanpionship - Here we go again with the Cena heel turn rumors. Apparently this has been on the table, but that is nothing new. The WWE find themselves backed into a bit of a corner here. Cena beating The Rock for the WWE title at WrestleMania in New Jersey could get ugly…real ugly. But do they really want to keep it on The Rock when he is leaving in a few weeks? How do they get out of this mess? Well it’s simple. Turn Cena heel! Now do I think this is going to happen? Absolutely not,  but that’s why it would be such a shocker.

Sheamus turns heel and aligns with The Shield - I don’t think I have see a more obvious turn coming than watching Randy Orton over the last few weeks. Heck the guy even went on Twitter and said he wanted to turn heel. Most predict that Orton and even Show will wind up turning on Sheamus. But what about Sheamus? Is Sheamus that hot as a babyface that a turn would be out of the question? You want to catch everyone by surprise here, turn Sheamus on Orton and Show and align him with The Shield. The alliance wouldn’t make much sense but stranger factions have been created in the WWE.

Dolph Ziggler doesn’t win the WWE world heavyweight championship - If I keep predicting that Ziggy will win the WWE world heavyweight title I have to be right at some point. Everything is set up here for Ziggler to cash in his MITB and defeat Del Rio after his title match, or even Jack Swagger for that matter. That is why I would be shocked if Ziggler leaves New Jersey without the championship. The time is now for Ziggler to cash in. Logically there is no reason he wouldn’t take the match at WrestleMania unless he was going to do the old sneak up and cash in gimmick. Ziggler leaving without the belt would be a travesty and I’d be surprised to see it happen.

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

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WRESTLEMANIA XXVIII
From SunLife Stadium in Miami, FL
April 1, 2012

BACKGROUND
It’s been purported that each WrestleMania event is generally planned a year in advance, and the booking is written backwards to support what they want to present on the grandest stage. While recent WrestleManias seem a bit more thrown-together at times, owing to an increasingly frenetic Vince McMahon being known to make constant changes, WrestleMania XXVIII was an event where a year-long plot was used, this time as an actual storyline.

One night after WrestleMania XXVII in Atlanta, John Cena called out The Rock. Rather than thrash the previous night’s guest host for costing him his World Title match against The Miz, a calm and happy-go-lucky Cena simply challenged Rock to a match at next year’s big event, giving both men one year to prepare for the clash of the ages.

The idea was unique for a modern time frame in which that $45 secondary PPV that you’re being offered has but two matches booked sixteen days before the event. It’s a little hard to get up for those shows (and buyrates seem to agree), but a WrestleMania where the main event is entrenched in everyone’s brains for 363 days?

Those “in-the-know” fans who balked at WWE’s most overexposed star, and most overexposed part-timer, getting a full calendar of non-stop billing would be rewarded by the successes of their heroes.

WWE was becoming a different place, as CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, who’d each passed through Philadelphia’s Murphy Rec Center on the way to the top, won the WWE and World Heavyweight Championships in 2011.

In spite of all of the social media blitzes, irksome moments from Michael Cole, and use of gimmickless FCW/NXT castoffs, it seemed WWE was crafting a WrestleMania unique among the pack. Between a year-long main event build, and two “workrate” champions, the everyday mold was finally being broken.

THE EVENT
Cena and Rock crossed paths prior to the WrestleMania main event, as Rock’s movie schedule allowed him to wrestle at Survivor Series 2011. That night at Madison Square Garden, he and Cena formed a super-team that annihilated The Miz and R-Truth. Afterward, Rock dropped Cena with a Rock Bottom as a reminder that, in four months, they’d each engage in a defining match in their careers.

After Cena was sidetracked by a hard-boiled feud with Kane through early 2012, he and Rock criss-crossed on the remaining road to WrestleMania, insulting each other in their typical juvenille fashion. Rock would host one of his trademark “Rock Concerts” laden with entendres and jibes toward the current company flagbearer, while Cena reinstituted his “Doctor of Thuganomics” persona, ripping into Rock with some lines that would make the kid-friendly sponsors cringe.

The match was even given a TV special on USA Network to promote the history of the icons, giving this match, dubbed “Once in a Lifetime”, a super fight feeling like no other in recent memory.

As if the dream match wasn’t enough to churn buyrates, the “end of an era” was also promised. The Undertaker, 19-0 at WrestleMania, wasn’t happy with how he barely eked the win out over Triple H one year earlier, and demanded a rematch with COO of the company.

Hunter initially balked, but The Dead Man persisted, eventually goading the man technically his boss into a fight. The Game agreed on one condition: that it be a Hell in a Cell match. Shawn Michaels, who’d had his career ended by Undertaker, was made guest referee as one last twist of the screw.

Sheamus was the winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble, last ousting a quizzically-acting Chris Jericho. The Celtic Warrior waited three weeks before deciding which championship to challenge for, ultimately deciding on the World Heavyweight title held by an increasingly-self-indulgent Daniel Bryan.

Bryan was an anomaly, winning the title as an underdog hero on December 18 via briefcase cash-in, but slowly took on a portrayal as an egomaniac jerk. Not only did he ignore the affection of girlfriend AJ Lee, but Bryan began to praise himself more and more for minor victories, many of them tainted. He even allowed AJ to be injured by a stampeding Big Show, all just to keep his title.

As for the WWE Championship, anti-hero CM Punk would face the winner of a ten man battle royal that took place on February 20. Jericho would win, and thus be afforded a chance to continue his vague “end of the world” crusade via the company’s top champion.

Jericho first began the mind games with Punk by claiming the “Straight Edge Superstar” had stolen his “Best in the World” moniker, which Punk gladly challenged Jericho to try and take back. With the champ not fazed, Y2J resorted to revealing the ugly family history of Punk, complete with the addictions his family members all once had. Jericho promised to lead Punk down the road of self-destruction en route to taking his title.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler were the evening’s commentators, joined by a now-goateed Jim Ross for the Hell in a Cell match. For the third time, Lilian Garcia performed America the Beautiful. The Hall of Fame Class of 2012 consisted of Edge, The Four Horsemen (dual induction for Ric Flair), Ron Simmons, Yokozuna, Mil Mascaras, and celebrity inductee Mike Tyson.

THE RESULTS
World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus def. Daniel Bryan in 18 seconds to win the title
(And we stumble out of the gate. Boy the fans at SunLife dumped on them for this decision. I’ve said it in other mediums: it’s not the treatment of Bryan that made this moment suck; it was the belief by the company that Sheamus was going to look stronger as a result. The people who run WWE couldn’t find the pulse of the fans if they had a GPS)

Kane def. Randy Orton in 10:56
(I don’t know who this “Daniel Bryan” fellow is, but he sure got a lot of chants during this match. Decent contest that ended with a flying chokeslam)

WWE Intercontinental: Big Show def. Cody Rhodes in 5:18 to win the title
(The build was entertaining, with Rhodes showing film of Show’s WrestleMania embarrassments to psyche him out, but the match was all too brief. Rhodes actually reigned as champion for eight months)

Maria Menounos/Kelly Kelly def. Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix in 6:49
(All of these women are gone from WWE, which is a commentary on how women would rather do “something else” than work there. But I’d take a stinkface from Miss Menounos, at least)

Hell in a Cell/”End of an Era”: The Undertaker def. Triple H in 30:50
(Opinions of this one are a little divided. Some call this the greatest match in the history of the galaxy. Others think it was stupid to have Triple H assault Undertaker with basic moves, and have Michaels nearly “stop the match” because Taker couldn’t continue. Because Hunter’s so bad ass. Eh, 20-0 is 20-0, even if was slower and more plodding than Heaven’s Gate)

David Otunga/Mark Henry/The Miz/Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger/Drew McIntyre def. Kofi Kingston/Santino Marella/Great Khali/R-Truth/Zack Ryder/Booker T in 10:38
(As a result of this, John Laurinaitis won complete control of Raw and Smackdown from Teddy Long. Oh, and Zack Ryder looked like a useless tool. That’ll learn em)

WWE Championship: CM Punk def. Chris Jericho in 22:21
(A highly physical and intense battle that took some time to find second gear, I still found it to be the best match of the night. The battle at the end over the Anaconda Vise, with Punk refusing to give up on the hold, despite Jericho’s vicious struggle, was a nice touch)

“Once in a Lifetime”: The Rock def. John Cena in 33:34
(Nice throwback to the big-time WrestleMania main events of old, even if it was preceded by a six hour concert featuring Flo Rida and anorexic Shannon Moore. Cena’s undoing came as he tried a People’s Elbow, only to be Rock Bottom’d. Some said it was boring, but I actually liked it. Whether Rock has the endurance for another 30 minute match is another story)

ITS PLACE IN HISTORY
It’s hard to argue with 1.22 million buys, a WWE record, so some would say that a year-long build is the way to go. Rock would remain a part of WWE in a limited capacity, sticking around to challenge for the WWE Title at the 2013 Royal Rumble, but we’ll get to that next year.

The show began disastrously, and the fans largely didn’t come out of their anger-induced coma until the Hell in a Cell match. As many people who remember that match, and Rock and Cena’s epic showdown, equally remember how the show opened with the misstep of Sheamus and Bryan, possibly the worst WrestleMania booking since Hogan went over a tired Yokozuna at WrestleMania IX.

It wasn’t a terrible show, but it wasn’t a home run in any way except financially (undoubtedly important, despite our gripes). For the official “portrait” of the show, my pick will be a split screen. On one side is Shawn Michaels and Undertaker holding up a semi-conscious Triple H on the stage, while The Rock stands tall on the other side. WWE more than ever lives off of the past, as it can’t create an exciting present. Logically, their imagery should make you think you’re in 1998.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer who splits time between this site, WrestleCrap.com, and FootballNation.com. He can be found via his wrestling Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/wrestlecrapjrh

WWE: WrestleMania 29 DVD

WWE: Bret Hitman Hart – The Dungeon Collection

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