Last week on Impact, Bully Ray was named the #1 contender for the World title, despite doing absolutely nothing the last few weeks to deserve a championship match. Because TNA.
We see Brooke Hogan and Buddy Ray walking into the building. AI asks for an update on Hulk Hogan, and Brooke says he’s better, and he’s resting at home. Ray basically says the exact same thing before he says that’s enough talking.
In the Impact Zone, Ray makes his way out alone. He points at Taz and calls him a coward before heading to the ring. Ray says that it’s cool to be back in the Impact Zone, but he’s also never been more pissed off in his life. Aces and Eights, for the past year, you’ve been running roughshod all over TNA. First, it was Hulk. Then it was Sting, Magnus, and just about everyone else. You ruined his wedding to Brooke. Last week should have been a huge week for TNA. We were all going to see the return of Hulk to the ring. But it didn’t happen, and that’s because of A and E. A and E, especially Devon, Ray swears to L. Ron Hubbard he is going to get his hands on you. He’s going to get his hands on you so bad (?) you’ll never want to step foot in a wrestling ring again. There is one other guy he wants to speak to, and that’s the one guy everyone here has been waiting to see for the past four weeks. He’s another guy A and E took out, and he’s the guy that he will be facing at Lockdown for the TNA World title. Ladies and gentlemen, the World Heavyweight Champion, Jeff Hardy.
Hardy comes out with both belt, because a champion needs two belts different belts that represent the same championship. Makes sense. Ray tells Hardy that, never in his wildest dreams, did he think he and Hardy would be standing across from one another, getting ready to wrestle for the most prestigious singles World title in pro wrestling. Everyone knows about their history. But he has to be completely honest, he doesn’t feel right about this. He doesn’t want to get a shot at the title just because he’s Hulk’s son-in-law. There are a lot of other guys who might have been better choices than him. Hulk set up all those matches. He said he’d make his decision based on who in those matches impressed him the most. It wasn’t Ray, and he’s not sure this is the way he wants to face Hardy. He’s not positive if he’s the right guy to face Hardy at Lockdown. Hardy says that, first of all, it’s great to be back in the Impact Zone. And he loves the fact that Hogan chose him. He would have done the same thing. They’ve swung a lot of chairs and climbed a lot of ladders. And they’ve broken a lot of tables. Now they take it to the cage for the World title. They’ve reinvented themselves, and now they’ll reinvent history. May the best man win.
As the two are shaking hands, Bad Influence interrupt things. Kaz tells Ray he shouldn’t feel good about this situation, and here’s why. He didn’t earn this title shot. He didn’t defeat anyone to get it. Your daddy-in-law gave him the shot, just like he gave Ray his daughter. He can’t blame Hogan for that, though. After all, somebody has to rub lotion on her back and tweet tasteless photos of her, so it may as well be Ray. Daniels tells him that the only person who deserve the Lockdown match less than Ray is Hardy. Last month, Daniels outwrestled him, and the only reason Hardy got his hand raised was because of the paint on his face, as Daniels had an allergic reaction to it, and Hardy knows it. Ray and Hardy are happy to wrestle at Lockdown because neither want a piece of real men like Bad Influence. If they’re done glad-handing, get out of the ring, because it’s time to allow the people to worship them. Ray rips the mic out of Daniels’ hand, drinks his martini or whatever it is, then spits it back in the cup. Oh, that’s nice. He tells Daniels that real men don’t drink appletinis, and the faces begin beating down the heels. Hardy and Ray end up sending both members over the top rope, which likely means we’ll get a tag team match later tonight. To confirm this, Ray grabs a mic and challenges them to a tag team match for later tonight.
We go to the announce desk, and Taz is no longer there as Todd Kenely and Mike Tenay discuss tonight’s episode. Tonight, we’ll also find out who will be on each side in Lethal Lockdown. Gut Check also returns, and two women will compete for a contract. Up next, Velvet Sky defends the Knockouts title against Tara.
We see Sting watching a monitor and looking at names on a list. Magnus is also in the room, and he says one of the names on Team TNA should be him. This company took a chance on a 22 year-old kid who was green as grass. He’s not that kid anymore. Sting has mentored him during that time, and that means the world to him. He wants to pay that back. He’s not just Team TNA; he’s Team Sting. Why him? Why the hell not?
Gail Kim is joining the announce desk for color commentary for this match.
MATCH 1-Knockouts Championship: Tara (w/Jesse) vs. Velvet Sky (Champion)
Tara immediately boots Sky before shouldering her in the corner. Hairmare by Tara for 2. She goes for the pin again, getting another 2. Sky blocks a corener charge, dodges a second one and hits a pair of clotheslines and a back elbow. Spinning headscissors off the ropes, and Jesse trips Sky as she starts to go to the corner. Sky ducks a clothesline and hits a spear for 2 as Jesse pulls her to the outside. Referee Taryn Terrell ejects him from ringside after seeing that as Tara kicks Sky in the back. Tara gets in Taryn’s face, and she turns around into In Yo Face by Sky for 3.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Velvet Sky. Tenay announces that Gail Kim now moves onto Lockdown against Sky for the title.
Austin Aries is in his locker room, on the phone with Bobby Roode. He asks where Roode is, as they have a big photo shoot. He mentions something about a 3-way tag match at Lockdown, and is interrupted by Chavo and Hernandez. Chavo tells him to be worried about his match tonight. Aries has said he can beat anyone, and Chavo challenges him to a match, but tonight, Aries is going one-on-one against Hernandez. God, Chavo sucks. It’s pretty pathetic when Hernandez has been cutting better promos than someone lately.
AI stops Kenny King asking where he goes from this point. King calls himself the X-Division, and he’s moving onto RVD next. He walks into RVD’s dressing room and wants RVD to admit King is better than him. RVD asks him how many times he has to beat him to prove he’s better. Tonight, King will get one more shot, and if he loses, he’s out of the division. King agrees to it.
Taz is back on commentary.
MATCH 2: World Tag Team Co-Champion Austin Aries vs. Hernandez
Hernandez backs Aries into the corner, and Aries slips through the ropes to get Hernandez off of him. Aries forearms him in the back before Hernandez boots him down. Crisscross ends with Hernandez blocking a hip toss, then hitting one of his own. Hernandez clotheslines him to the floor. Aries blocks Supermex then goes for a slingshot sunset flip. Hernandez pulls him up by his neck and hits a Pounce off the ropes. Aries blocks a corner attack and goes for a middle rope cross-body. Hernandez catches him and sets up a powerbomb, but Aries counters and sends Hernandez to the floor, where he is hit with a suicide dive. Aries goes to the top rope and hits a double axe handle to the back. Back in the ring, Aries hits a snapmare, stomps on the face and goes up top. He mocks Chavo and goes for a frog splash, but misses. Hernandez boots him out of the corner, backflips to outside and hits a slingshot battering ram. Warrior Press by Hernandez, and now he calls for the Border Toss. Aries escapes and hits a rolling elbow. Hernandez recovers quickly and knocks Aries to the floor with another Pounce. Aries decides he’s had enough and walks up the ramp, so Hernandez throws him back into the ring. Aries has the title belt in his hands and just gives it over to Hernandez. As the ref takes it from Hernandez, Aries pulls out a chain and clocks Hernandez with it. The ref turns around in time to count the 3.
WINNER: Austin Aries.
Sting and Joseph Park are in the back. Park is eating ribs, as he now knows what a rib is. Get it? Hilarious. Park then asks Sting to be a part of Lethal Lockdown. Sting says he’ll think about it before stopping Matt Morgan, who is walking by. Sting asks Morgan to join Team TNA at Lockdown to make a name for himself. Morgan says no because anyone who is associated with Hulk Hogan is guilty by association. Guess they’re still doing that storyline after all.
MATCH 3-World X-Division Championship: Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam (non-title)
King gets a jobber non-entrance. Normally, that would irritate me, but his entrance theme really sucks, so that’s fine. Lock-up to start, and King goes to a side headlock. King avoids a back body drop, but runs into a pair of hip throws. RVD goes to a side headlock himself before ducking a clothesline and hitting German suplex. Nearly folded himself in half on that one. As RVD is playing to the crowd, King knocks him to the floor. He misses a corkscrew plancha, and RVD nails a side kick from the apron. RVD sets King on the guardrail and goes to the apron for the spinning legdrop, which connects. Commercials.
Back from the break, RVD hits a jawbreaker, avoids a back body drop, but gets taken down. King hits a snap suplex and floats over into some mounted punches. King goes fro a pin, getting 2. RVD fights back from his knees until King cuts him off. Corner whip by King, but he runs into a boot. RVD hits a bodyscissors into a pin for 2, nails a couple of clotheslines and a thrust kick. Rolling monkey flip, but King lands on his feet before running into a spinning heel kick. RVD connects with Rolling Thunder, and he goes up top for the Five-Star Frog Splash, but decides to go with a 450 instead and misses. King goes for a pin, but only gets 2. King goes for the Royal Flush and hits it, getting 3.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Kenny King.
Sting is stopped in the back by Kurt Angle, and Angle wants to see the list of wrestlers for Lethal Lockdown. Angle is surprised by Sting’s choice of “him”, and Sting says he’s taking a chance, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Aces and Eights make their way out to the ring, and it’s the five unmasked members, minus Brisco. Devon asks Sting if he honestly believes he has a team that can take on A and E. You honestly think you have a team that can dominate this club? Sting, he doesn’t know what you’re thinking, but what he thinks is that you’re drinking the Kool-Aid Hogan has been dishing out all these years, not only to the idiots here, but all of them at home as well. He told you before that this is the team that will dominate TNA. This is the club that will dominate in 2013. This club right here-DOC, Knox, Anderson and Bischoff along with himself. All Sting is doing is giving a lot of empty dreams, broken necks and shattered dreams (?). Let him lay it to you like this: It’s going to be no different than BFG. The same thing that happened there will happen at Lockdown. The thing about that, Sting, is that you’re going to lead your team to the slaughter. Now you testify to that.
Speaking of Sting, he makes his way out onto the ramp. Devon wants him to testify? He will. His first teammate will get a killer response, and that’s because he is a killer, that being Samoa Joe. His next teammate is really sorry about their damn luck, and that’s James Storm. They inch closer to the ring as each guy is announced. Now, they are three. His next teammate is making his victorious return to the Impact Zone, and that’s Magnus. Now, they are four and just need one more, and their fifth is something new. He’s talking about someone who was put out by A and E. It will be showtime. Anderson keeps interrupting him, and Sting keeps saying it’s showtime. Eric Young hits the ring from behind, and now the two teams are brawling in the ring. Team TNA clears the ring.
Ivelisse Valez is introduced through a video package, as she is one of the Gut Check contestants tonight. If the name sounds familiar, she was on the last season of Tough Enough and is former NXT star Sofia Cortez. She talks about training in MMA, and sacrificing her relationship with her mother to pursue her wrestling career.
We see A and E storming out to the parking lot, and they’re upset about what just happened. We see Kurt Angle begin to follow them.
We are introduced to Lei’D Tapa, the other Gut Check contestant tonight. She is from Tonga, and is the real life niece of The Barbarian. We see her training with him, which is admittedly pretty cool. And he’s still physically a beast, BTW.
MATCH 3-Gut Check: Ivelisse Valez vs. Lei’D Tapa
I’m actually excited about a Gut Check match. Shocking, I know. Tapa is a big girl, and completely towers over Valez. Valez hits a forearm before she runs into a goozle. Tapa hoists her up, and Valez counters into an armdrag. Spinning back kick connects, and Valez applies a guillotine. Tapa manages to throw her off, catches her in a fireman’s carry, but Valez escapes and applies a rear naked choke. Tapa breaks free and gets hit with some kicks before dropping Valez drops her with a boot. Tapa connects with a clothesline, and actually has to crouch down a bit to do it. Bodyslam by Tapa, followed by a headbutt. Tapa sends Valez hard into the corner, then sends her into the opposite one. Valez avoids a charge and hits a DDT. More strikes by Valez, followed by a hurricanrana off the ropes. Tapa rebounds and hits a Samoan drop for 2. Valez quickly grabs her in the guillotine as Tapa is arguing with Taryn Terrell, and Tapa eventually taps.
WINNER: Ivelisse Valez. A little rougher than I was expecting, but far from the worst Gut Check match they’ve ever done. I’m betting Valez gets a contract next week. Tapa looked alright, but her inexperience (only 2 years) definitely showed.
Austin Aries enters Jeff Hardy’s locker room and makes fun of Hardy doing squats. He says he knows he has a big match tonight and one at Lockdown, and he’s pulling for Hardy. Here’s why. Right now, Ray is the “golden child”. When Aries faced Hardy, that was Hardy’s position. Doesn’t feel very good, does it? He hopes Hardy retains the title, and just wanted to tell him that.
AJ Styles update time. We get an interview with his wife Wendy, and she talks about his life. We also get some comments from a friend of his named Jay, and the whole thing is overly dramatic in the same vein as the interviews with Bobby Roode’s family/friends back when he turned heel. We see AJ enter his house to overly dramatic music, and he’s done up to look strung out, like he’s been doing some binge drinking for the past few weeks. He gets mad when he sees the camera crew and speeds off on his motorcycle.
We get a video package for the storyline involving The Robbies. Apparently, TNA thinks enough people give a damn about this potential feud. I’d like to know who these people are and hit them.
Back to the Impact Zone, Robbie E is in the ring. He says that, sometimes in life, a bro has to admit when there’s a bigger bro, and there’s a better bro. And Robbie E has come to that realization. So, Bigger Rob…er, Rob Terry, please come to the ring, bro. Terry comes down to the ring, and E says this has gotten way out of hand, bro. Slapping him in the face last week was E crossing the line. He risked them being bros, but more importantly, he risked their friendship, bro. Them being friends the past 2 years has meant the world to him, and tonight, he’ll show Terry, bro. He’s not going to be jealous anymore, and Terry is the better bro, bro. And he’s going to let Terry prove it. For old times sake, how about one more bro-off? Terry agrees, and E goes first. He then tells Terry he’s the bro-off champion, so for once, he realizes it’s Terry who deserves the spotlight. He’s going to leave the ring so Terry can give the people what they want, bro. Terry does the stupid dancing bit now, and as you would expect, E cracks him over the head with a framed poster. E holds his fist in the air, and Terry has no-sold the shot, getting up while E has his back turned. He pulls the poster off, and E falls out of the ring.
Buddy Ray is warming up in the back with dumbbells, and Aries correctly points out he’s doing it wrong. Aries then basically gives him the same speech he gave Hardy. Ray cuts him off and says it won’t work. He compliments Aries about how good he is, then tells him to get used to wearing a tag title, because that’s as close to a championship as he’s going to get.
We see Kurt Angle still outside, and he enters what appears to be the A and E clubhouse. The cameraman doesn’t follow him in.
MATCH 4: Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) vs. Bully Ray and World Champion Jeff Hardy
Daniels and Ray start the match with a lock-up. Daniels hits a kneelift and a chop to the chest. Ray rebounds with a clothesline, then hits some headbutts to the chest. Open-hand chop by Ray, and he throws Daniels back to the corner for another one. Back body drop to the incoming Kaz, and Daniels hits a forearm. Kaz tags in, and Bad Influence hits a double suplex. Ray gets back up and hits a double clothesline. Double punches, followed by a double Flip, Flop & Fly. Hardy comes in to clothesline Daniels to the floor, and Ray hits a back suplex on Kaz. Commercials.
We’re back, and Hardy is now legal for his team. He whips Kaz into the ring from the apron, and the faces hit Poetry in Motion. Daniels runs into his own partner, and they go for Poetry again. Kaz trips Hardy, and Daniels sends Ray to the floor. Apparently, Daniels is now legal somehow, and he sends Hardy into the corner before stomping him down. Kaz tags in, Daniels hits a clothesline and hip tosses Kaz onto Hardy for 2. Kaz applies a double chicken wing, and Hardy fights out before being sent back to the heel corner. Daniels tags in, and Bad Influence hits a sidewalk slam/springboard legdrop combo. Daniels goes for the pin, getting 2 as Kaz knocks Ray off the apron. Hardy blocks a corner charge and hits Botch in the Wind. Ray tags in, hits a couple clotheslines and a back body drop. Hip toss for Kaz, followed by a clothesline. Uranage for Daniels gets 2. Kaz goes to the top, and Ray press slams him off. Sidewalk slam on Daniels for 2 as Kaz breaks it up. Ray sends Kaz to the floor before tagging in Hardy. Bodyslam by Ray and Hardy goes up top for the swanton. Kaz knocks him to the apron, then hotshots Ray. Daniels hits an enziguri on Ray and an STO on Hardy for 2. Kaz with some mounted punches on Ray in the corner, but Ray shoves him off and hits a mafia kick. He hoists Daniels on his shoulders, and Hardy goes up top. Ray hits an electric chair, and Hardy connects with the swanton bomb for 3.
WINNERS: Bully Ray and Jeff Hardy. That match was a clusterf*ck.
We’re back to Kurt Angle, and he’s in the clubhouse. He beats down Mr. Anderson, then takes a pipe to Devon before brawling with The Black Scorpion. Angle grabs him by the mask and cracks him over the head with what looked like a lamp. Angle takes the mask off and begins screaming, “How could you?” as the camera is angled so we can’t see BS’ face? As Angle is looking shocked, the rest of the unmasked members attack from behind and beat him down.
End of show.
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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.
-Dustin
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