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TNA Impact Wrestling Results and April 25 Recap

April 28, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

TNA Impact Wrestling opens with Aces and Eights entering the building and being stopped by security. Bully Ray isn’t impressed and tells them to get out of their way, or “Mr. A#$hole” will bite their faces off. Uh, yeah…

We’re apparently in Indiana, PA this week. In the arena, James Storm makes his way out. Storm is limping from AJ Styles’ “Calf Killer” from last week. Yes, that’s the name for AJ’s new finisher. Storm talks about fighting AJ last week, and we see AJ standing in the crowd. Storm tells him the new hold hurt like hell, and he can also admit AJ was the better man. However, he’s not going to cry over spilt milk because he’s a beer drinker. What he didn’t sign up for last week was the “Aces and Idiots” that jumped him from behind. If they wanted a fight, all they had to do was ask. He knows if he calls one of them out, all of them will come out. That’s fine. Bring all you want, because he’ll take you out.

Bad Influence make their way out. Christopher Daniels says BI wants to weigh in. Last week, they were victims of A and E as well. Hulk Hogan doesn’t have an answer to this problem. However, the two smartest men in the room know the answer. Aces and Eights has been playing a numbers game. TNA has the magic number, and that’s four, as in “Fourtune”. Kazarian tells AJ that life can be better, and first off is forgiving himself for his cheap shots on them last week. They forgive him. The next step is to walk down the stairs, get in the ring and reform Fourtune tonight, because it’s the right thing to do. Storm says the fans want BI to shut the hell up. Kaz won’t shut up because the people don’t concern them. Just like these people, Storm is irrelevant. He starts brawling with BI until Kaz absolutely botches a Golden Globes spot in the corner. AJ is still staring on as A and E come through the crowd into the ring. BI have left, and Storm is alone in the ring. They surround him and Mr. Anderson grabs him in the powerbomb position as the other members bring a table into the ring. Joesph Park runs down and takes down a couple members of the group until they gang-attack him. D’Lo Brown sets the table back up, and DOC & Knux go to double chokeslam him. Bully Ray tells them to back off so he and Devon can hit the 3D through the table, which they do.

Back from the break, Park is being hauled out on a stretcher. Bully Ray has a mic and says he told everyone A and E weren’t screwing around. They are the Aces and Eights. They are the men responsible for all of the carnage. They are the men responsible for taking out everyone’s heroes. Look around. You ain’t got no heroes left (his words). No Samoa Joe. No Magnus. No James Storm. No Joseph Park. Nobody. Last week, he called out one man, and that was Hulk Hogan, his next victim. Dad, you’ve got ‘til the end of the show to answer the challenge. When you ride with the Aces and Eights, you never walk alone.

According to Mike Tenay, Hulk Hogan has left the building and didn’t tell anyone why.

Video for tonight’s Knockouts Championship match with comments from Mickie James. She talks about being tired of being ignored in TNA. Just a thought, but maybe if she wasn’t off recording awful country music that no one likes, maybe she wouldn’t get ignored.

AI sees Hulk Hogan entering the building, and asks him where he went. Hulk ignores him.

MATCH 1: Taryn Terrell vs. Tara
Taryn ducks a clothesline and hits some forearms, followed by a corner clothesline and a flipping neckbreaker. Pair of hairmares by Taryn, and she then rams Tara’s head into the top turnbuckle until Tara hits her with a Stun Gun. Tara slams Taryn’s face into the mat a few times, then hair-whips her across the ring. Catapult in the corner by Tara, and she goes back to slamming Taryn’s face into the mat. Tara applies an inverted STF, then snaps back to break the hold and goes for the cover, getting 2. Another pin, and another 2-count. Taryn blocks a back body drop, but runs right into a tree slam. Taryn fights back from her knees until Tara forearms in the back of the head, getting 2. She rolls Taryn over for another pin, getting 2 once more. Tara rolls Taryn under the bottom rope and catapults her into the rope for another 2. Tara once again goes for an immediate second pin attempt, then does it again. Bodyslam near the ropes, but Tara misses the Arabian Facebuster. Taryn fights out of the corner and hair-whips Tara, hits a clothesline, a back elbow and a suplex. Up top, Taryn misses a cross-body, and Tara begins with the trash-talk. She picks Taryn up in the Spider’s Web, which connects. Taryn counters the standing moonsault into a schoolgirl and gets 3.

WINNER: Taryn Terrell.

Robbie T is in the back texting someone. Didn’t know he still worked here. Jesse enters the room, and he’s apparently taking on Rob Terry. E verbally fellates Jesse and tells him that, when he beats Terry, he’ll go down as one of the greatest bros of all time, and E will be there right by his side.

Before the next match, Robbie E comes out to introduce the man who will beat Rob Terry, bro. He’s a real Hollywood superstar unlike all of the hamsters in Indiana, PA: “Mr. Pec-Tacular”, Jesse Godderz, bro.

MATCH 2: Rob Terry vs. Jesse (w/Robbie E)
Terry immediately hits a pair of clotheslines and a back elbow. Corner whip into a running powerslam by Terry, but he drops Jesse as E jumps up on the apron. Jesse charges in, and Terry goozles him and backs him to a corner before throwing him across the ring. E jumps on the apron again as Terry charges in, and Jesse hits him from behind with some kicks and elbows. He tries to throw Terry into the corner, but Terry blocks it and throws him in for some forearm shots. He misses a running elbow, and Jesse hits a dropkick. Jesse hits some forearms to the chest and gets a 1-count. Terry shoves him off, so he mounts the middle rope. Terry catches the cross-body attempt and hits an over-the-shoulder powerslam for 2 as E pulls at the referee’s leg. Terry goes outside and stalks E. Jesse tries to attack from behind, but Terry sees it coming and throws Jesse into E before pressing Jesse back into the ring. Terry hits the Freakbuster and gets 3.

WINNER: Rob Terry.
Bad Influence approach Bobby Roode in the locker room area. Kaz says there’s only one way to stop A and E, and that’s Fourtune. They were a dominant faction, and that dominance was taken away from them. Daniels cuts in and says that no one knows AJ better than him. If the three of them stand together, there’s no way AJ can say “no” to them. Think about it. The camera pans over, and we see that Austin Aries has been eavesdropping on the conversation.

Video package for Chris Sabin, who is set to return any time now. I just hope he took enough time away this time. If you recall last time, he was out with an injured knee, came back, and injured it again only a couple of weeks after his return.

We see Aries and Roode warming up in the back. Aries asks Roode about the Fourtune reunion. If Roode wants to do that, that’s his business. They’re not best friends; just dominant champions. If Fourtune was so great, how come they vanished? If BI are so great, how come Aries was the man who beat Roode? Tonight, he wants the tag belts back, and if Roode doesn’t want to work with him, he’s screwing himself.

MATCH 3-World Tag Team Championship: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez (Champions) vs. Austin Aries and Bobby Roode
Christopher Daniels is on commentary for this match, with Kazarian at his side. Aries and Chavo start the match, and the crowd is not even remotely into the champions. Lock-up to start, with Aries going into an arm wringer. Chavo counters into a snapmare, goes for the pin, and we get a stalemate immediately. Aries applies a side headlock into a waistlock takedown, then shows off a bit before Chavo dropkicks him. Chavo hits a European uppercut, then fires off some rights in the corner. Aries gets sent hard into the opposite corner, and Chavo hits a back suplex for 2. Chavo ducks a clothesline and goes for a headscissors, and Aries counters into a pancake. Roode reluctantly tags in and gets hit with a hiptoss. Hernandez in, and they do their bodyslam/Warrior Splash spot for 2. Hernandez goes for a suplex off a back body drop attempt, but Hernandez counters into a delayed vertical. Aries comes in and chops Hernandez, so Hernandez Warrior Presses him before heading outside to the ramp. He goes for Air Mexico, but Roode moves out of the way and Hernandez eats canvas. Roode gets 2 off a pin, then throws Hernandez to the corner for some punches and kicks. Aries tags in as Roode hits a suplex, and Aries hits a tope con hilo for 2. Back up, Aries boxes the ears and tags in Roode. Hernandez tries to fight out of the corner, but Roode cuts him off and hits a pair of Venis kneelifts, followed by a side-Russian legsweep for 2. Aries tags in and stomps Hernandez in the chest as Roode holds him in a modified surfboard. Aries applies a front chancery, then breaks it to knock Chavo to the floor. Roode back in, and sends Aries in for the corner dropkick. Hernandez catches him, however, and then sends him to the corner. Chavo tags in and hits a tope con hilo on Aries, followed by a spinning headscissors on Roode. Chavo goes for the 3 Amigos, but Aries escapes the second suplex. Chavo comes back with a rolling kick, then hits a tornado DDT on Roode for 2 as Aries breaks it up. Hernandez comes in and clotheslines Aries to the floor. He goes for the Border Toss on Roode as Chavo climbs to the top. Kaz causes a distraction as Aries pushes Chavo off the top. In the ring, Roode hits a spinebuster on Hernandez, and now Aries goes up top. Hernandez kicks Roode off into the corner, which sends Aries crashing to the floor. Hernandez goes for the Border Toss on Roode once more as Kaz is back up on the apron. Daniels slides into the ring and kicks Hernandez. He goes for a clothesline, but Hernandez ducks, causing Daniels to collide with Roode. Hernandez sends Daniels to the floor, and Chavo hits a frog splash on Roode for the 3.

WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez.

AI approaches Matt Morgan in the weight room. Morgan recites the same promo he always does. He then says he has a solution to the A and E problem, and he’s going out to the ring to tell everyone what it is.

Matt Morgan comes out and says his issues over the last year have been about one issue (?): Mistakes made by Hulk Hogan. He then lists off Hulk’s mistakes. Bully Ray won the title, A and E are stronger than ever, and the company is imploding around Hulk. Sting was ejected from TNA, and now, Jeff Hardy has been laid out. You see, Hulk, before you come out and go face-to-face with Bully Ray, allow Morgan to present to you the ultimate solution to all of your problems. I hope he’s not talking about Jeep Swenson. Hulk Hogan comes out. Morgan tells Hulk he has no more backup, so by going out against Ray by himself, he’s delaying the inevitable, which is that A and E are going to destroy him. Hulk has no one left, so Morgan presents the solution: himself. Hulk, at the end of the day, no one wants this opportunity more than him. No one on this roster can eliminate A and E better than him. He is Hulk’s 7’ knight in shining armor. And, if given the opportunity tonight, he will Carbon Footprint Ray’s head into the 5th row…for a small price, of course. Morgan is all Hulk has, so he’ll handle Ray, and in turn, Hulk names Morgan the #1 contender at Slammiversary. Hulk says Morgan has brought him up to the edge, and a lot of what is being said is true. Morgan has the goods to get the job done, and he probably could do it. At the end of the day though, he was hoping Morgan would do the right thing. Morgan stole his robe and has verbally abused him day-after-day. Hulk hoped Morgan would be the 2nd coming of “The Mania”, brother. At the end of the day, though, Morgan wants to do it for the wrong reason. If he agrees to Morgan’s demands, it’ll be a bigger mistake than what happened with Ray. At the end of the day, he’s going to step into the ring with Ray and do this by himself. He’s not going to hand over anything to Morgan, and he never heard Andre the Giant whine like a bitch.

We see A and E in the back somewhere, celebrating taking out Joseph Park. Ray then says Hulk is held together by spit and glue and wants to go face-to-face with Ray. He then tells the rest of the group that he doesn’t want them out there with him.

Now, TNA is doing this where fans can vote who will be involved in the next triple threat match for the X-Division championship. The three options are just wonderful: Rashad Cameron, Rockstar Spud and Suicide. Yes, they’re trying to dust off that pile of crap gimmick again. Guess they didn’t learn from the fact that basing a character on a character from one of the worst wrestling games of all time wasn’t a good idea.

MATCH 4-Knockouts Championship: Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky (Champion)
Lock-up, with Sky going into an armbar. James counters into an armdrag for 1, then applies an arm wringer. Sky flips through and trips James for 1. James dodges a dropkick and gets 1 off a pin. Sky applies a side headlock, then shoulders James off the ropes. Crisscross ends in a Snapmare by Sky, followed by a kick to the back and a seated dropkick for 2. Sky hits some forearms and shoulder thrusts in the corner. James counters a whip, and Sky leaps over her back to avoid the charge. However, she acts like her knee hurts, and James goes for the pin, getting 2. James then applies a step-over toehold as we go to commercials.

Back from the break, James has Sky in a legbar, then yanks on the knee before going back to the toehold. Sky rolls up and counters into her own, and James counters into a sloppy STF. Sky breaks the hold with the ropes, then kicks James off. Sky elbows out of the corner, hits a pair of jumping clotheslines, then remembers to sell her knee. Some chops to the chest, but James blocks them and goes for a corner whip. Sky collapses to the mat before she gets to the corner. She blocks a roll-up attempt and hits a side-Russian legsweep for 2. James gets back up, kicks the bad knee and botches an enziguri. Up top, James hits a Thesz Press for 2. Sky gets back up, boots James in the stomach and goes for In Yo Face, but James counters into a back body drop. James boots Sky in the stomach and goes for the standing tornado, but Sky pushes her off into the corner. James dropkicks the bad knee, then goes for a roll-up, but Sky counters into her own roll-up for the 3, despite the fact that James was in the ropes.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Velvet Sky.

We see Devon and Bully Ray in the back, and Ray tells Devon he’s done with Brooke, so Devon can have her. He reminds Devon they’re the greatest team of all time and are both now singles champions, leading a pack of wolves. He took out Jeff Hardy last week, and Hardy may be done for good. In a few minutes, he’s going to look straight into his father-in-law’s soul, and he’s going to be the guy who puts the final nail in the coffin of Hulkamania.

Brooke and Hulk Hogan are in the back, and Brooke is trying to talk Hulk out of going to the ring. Hulk says Bully Ray screwed over their family and the business, and he needs to stop it. Brooke reminds him he just had a knee replacement a few weeks ago, and that he can’t do this. Hulk tells her she can’t stop this, then asks for her hand and gives her his necklace, saying he’ll be right back.

Bully Ray makes his way out alone with a paper in his hand. It’s a list of everyone A and E has taken out, and D’Angelo Dinero is mentioned. I realize they took him out, but it’s odd hearing his name since he hasn’t been seen on TV in months. I honestly had forgotten he still worked in TNA. Anyway, Ray says what all these names have in common is that he and his boys took them all out, and there’s only one victim left. Hulk Hogan, get out here right now. Hulk comes out with his fists taped up, and he stands face-to-face with Ray. Ray asks how his knee is. Look at you. You got your fists taped up. You’re raring to go, aren’t ya? You can’t wait to hit the big boot and drop the big leg, huh? It ain’t gonna happen. You can walk down that ramp and step in this ring and try to fool the fans, but you will never fool him. As Ray looks into your eyes, he sees one thing and one thing only: pure fear. Hulk Hogan fears Bully Ray. You know why, Hulk? Because Ray reminds you of you. Ray is the last of a dying breed-your breed. Did you ever think Ray would be standing here? He’s Bull Ray. He’s the president of A and E. He’s the World Champion. He’s your son-in-law. He’s the guy that’s going to put an end to Hulkamania. Hulk finally talks and says Hulkamania will never die, brother. Ray turns his hat backwards and spits in Hulk’s face. Hulk starts ripping his shirt off, showing his physique that is approximately 812 years old. The two then point at each other, and Ray goes for a punch. Hulk blocks it, hits a couple and goes for a clothesline, but Ray bails to the outside. The rest of A and E come out and surround the ring. They start to climb in the ring when the lights go out. When they come back on, surprise surprise, Sting is in the ring, and he’s pointing his bat at Hulk. Ray is egging him on, so Sting begins pointing his bat at Ray. He knocks Ray’s hat off, then proceeds to take everyone out with his bat. Sting then points at Hulk with the bat again before walking away.

End of show.

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TNA Impact Wrestling Results and April 18 Recap

April 20, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

This week, TNA is once again in Corpus Christi, TX. The X-Division title will be on the line, and AJ Styles makes his in-ring return against James Storm.

We see Devon approach Tomax and Xamot somewhere in the back. He asks if they know what’s at stake tonight. Wes Brisco says he can beat Kurt Angle again. Garett Bischoff agrees. Devon doesn’t care what they say; he just wants them to get the job done.

MATCH 1-2-on-1 Handicap Match: Garett Bischoff and Wes Brisco vs. Kurt Angle
Apparently, the gang sign for Aces and Eights is the same as the Van Buren Boys. Now TNA has resorted to ripping off sitcoms. Wes starts off for his team, and Angle applies a waistlock before firing off some rights in the corner. He corner whips Wes, and Wes crashes to the mat. Angle then knocks Garett off the apron. Stomps in the corner on Wes, and Angle follows up with a suplex. He throws Wes to his own corner, where Garett tags himself in. Garett charges in and gets hit with a hip toss. Angle hits various strikes before stomping Garett to the mat, then picks him up and hits a back elbow. Wes comes in and gets hit with a back body drop. Commercials.

Back from the break, Angle is in control of Garett in the corner. Wes rolls into the ring and low-blows Angle behind the ref’s back. Garett begins stomping and punching Angle. He picks Angle up for some more punches, then grinds Angle’s face across the top rope. Garett flips off the crowd before hitting a suplex for 1. “You can’t wrestle!” chant starts at Wes tags in. He whips Garett into Angle in the corner, and Garett sends Angle into a clothesline by Wes for 1. Wes hits some punches and a clothesline in the corner, then rolls Angle over for another 1 before applying a rear chinlock. Angle counters with a back suplex. A “USA!” chant breaks out, despite all three of these guys being from the same country. Garett tags in and runs into a pair of clotheslines. Wes gets hit with the same. Overhead belly-to-belly for Wes, and a release German for Garett. Angle hits Wes with the Murder-Suicide. Garett tries to block it by letting Wes grab him, so Angle suplexes them both at the same time. Angle Slam on Garett for 2 as Wes breaks up the pin. Angle sends Wes shoulder-first into the post as D’Lo Brown makes his way to ringside. Angle applies the ankle lock on Wes as Mr. Anderson distracts the referee. D’Lo throws a chain to Garett, and he hits Angle in the back of the head, getting the 3.

WINNERS: Garett Bischoff and Wes Brisco. D’Lo orders Wes to pick Angle up, and he & Garett give Angle a spike powerbomb. Anderson gets on the mic and says this is the way things are going down from now on. Sting left Hogan’s side a few weeks ago and hasn’t been seen since. Jeff Hardy was decimated last week, and now Angle lies in shambles. If you’re not wearing one of these “cuts” tonight, “you in a bad frickin’ way”. One more thing: AJ Styles, they’re rooting for you, buddy.

We get comments from Zema Ion and Petey Williams in regards to their title match up next.

MATCH 2-3-Way Match for the World X-Division Championship: Zema Ion vs. Petey Williams vs. Kenny King (Champion)
King finally has some new music. Of course it’s generic hip-hop, but it’s still an improvement over his old theme.
King attacks the other two at the opening bell and hits Petey with a back elbow. We get our first look from TNA’s “X-Cam”, and I already hate it. You’d think they’d know better than to bring this back after it was partially responsible for killing Chris Candido. Anyway, Petey hits a dropkick to King’s back, and Ion comes off the top with a seated missile dropkick on Petey. Petey goes to the corner, and King stops Ion charging with a jumping roundhouse. King goes for the Royal Flush on Ion, but Petey yanks Ion off King’s shoulders. King hits a spinning Ghetto Blaster on Ion before going for the Flush on Petey. Petey counters it and hits the Canadian Destroyer, but only gets 2 when Ion breaks up the pin. Ion goes for the pin, but Petey breaks that up. Petey attacks Ion with rights before hitting a spinning headscissors. Ion sets Petey up in the corner, where Petey hits a hurricanrana for 2. Ion hotshots Petey into the ropes before hitting a jumping neckbreaker for 2. The fans are not into this match at all. Petey hits some knife-edge chops before Ion blocks an Irish whip and counters into a modified half-Boston crab. Petey gets a rope break, and now the two trade punches. Petey dominates, ducks a clotheslines and turns a headscissors into a side-Russian legsweep and then into a crucifix for 2. Petey hits a hoisted complete shot for another 2 as King is trying to get back in the ring. Petey calls for the Destroyer again, but Ion counters with a jawbreaker. Petey ducks a clothesline and hits a suicide dive on King. Ion charges in, but Petey shoulders him and hits an outside-in release German suplex before hitting an inside-out hurricanrana on King. Ion hotshots Petey before hitting the outside-in tornado DDT for 2. Ion drags Petey to the corner and goes for the running Asai moonsault. Petey blocks with his knees and goes for the Destroyer, but Ion counters into a roll-up for 2. Petey counters into a scorpion deathlock as King comes in. He hits Petey with a running dropkick, then covers Ion for 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Kenny King. Decent match, but King did mostly nothing the entire match, which is why I hate this style of match. One guy is always on the floor.

AI stops Magnus in the back, who has a TV title match tonight. Magnus says there’s history, but he’s confused about this situation. A and E are talking about creating so much chaos, but what they don’t realize is that tonight, Magnus is the one who is doing the taking, as he’s taking the title he’s been waiting five months for.

We see Brooke Hogan and Christy Hemme in the back talking about the new KO website. Apparently, Christy is running the site. And I should care why? Brooke calls Mickey James and Miss Tessmacher into the room. She tells them they’re both special and that’s why they’ve been chosen for their match later tonight. James leaves after a minute, and Tessy stays behind to talk to Brooke about Bully Ray, saying all of the Knockouts are there for her.

MATCH 3-World Television Championship: Devon (Champion) vs. Magnus
Wow. We get our first TV title match in what, six months?
Before the match, Knux and DOC try to attack Magnus on the stage, but he fights them both off. Devon then runs up and nails Magnus with a chain. DOC and Knux hold Magnus up and Devon hits him in the gut with the chain. Magnus tries to fight back, but gets hit with a double chokeslam on the ramp.

WINNER: No match, which means that the title will remain un-defended for the next six months or so. As A and E continue the attack, Samoa Joe comes out on stage and gets between them and Magnus. Just get rid of the title already, TNA, as it’s obvious you know how meaningless it truly is.

Samoa Joe is screaming at the camera in the back, calling all of A and E cowards. You come out and claim to be the best and put titles on the line, but then you pull that. It’s okay, Devon. He’s told the “powers-that-be” what he wants, and he’s got it. See you in the ring.

We get a video from a couple of weeks ago where Velvet Sky supposedly injured her knee.

MATCH 3-Winner becomes the new #1 Contender for the Knockouts Championship: Miss Tessmacher vs. Mickie James
ODB is once again the referee. Lock-up to start, and Tessy backs James into the corner before giving a clean break. Another lock-up, and now James backs Tessy into the corner, and another clean break. ODB calling both of these women “bitch” is pretty funny. Another lock-up, and James turns it into an armdrag. Tessy hangs on, and they go back into the lock-up. Tessy now armdrags James, who also holds on. It turns into another lock-up and James finally breaks it with the ropes. ODB grabs the arms of both women and tells them to fights. Tessy takes James and schoolgirls her for 2. James comes back with an arm wringer, then botches the piss out of a rolling jujigatame, which Tessy immediately breaks with the ropes before rolling to the floor. She drags James to the floor, where they trade forearm shots before grabbing each other by the hair. ODB breaks it up and tells them both to get back in the ring. Back in, Tessy ducks a clothesline, kicks James in the knee, then knocks her down with some punches. James sends Tessy into the corner, but Tessy ducks a charge and kicks her in the gut before hitting a Mug Shot for 2. In the adjacent corner, Tessy hits a running clotheslines, then hits a Stinkface. She whips James onto the mat for 2, then goes for another cover, getting another 2. James blocks a throw to the corner, then does a pair of them herself before hitting a flapjack. Up top, James hits a Thesz Press for 2. Mounted punches by James until ODB pulls her off. James turns around, and the two simultaneously clothesline each other. ODB begins the standing 10-count, and they manage to make it up at 8, taking turns slamming each other’s face into the mat. We then get full-screen replays mid-match. Genius. Tessy goes for Tessticular Cancer, but James blocks it and sends Tessy into the corner. She goes for the standing Tornado DDT and Tessy counters that into a sunset flip. James just sits down on Tessy and gets the 3.

WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: Mickie James.

We see AJ Styles in the back, and Bad Influence is hanging out in the background, with Christopher Daniels holding a t-shirt. As AJ walks off, Daniels says “the band is back together”. They then start singing “The Best Friends Song” from The Hangover.

Elsewhere, Joseph Park is on the phone. Devon approaches him and grabs the phone before telling him to stay out of family business. Park says he’s doing this for Brooke, and Bully Ray nails him from behind. He says he’s her husband and knows what’s best for Brooke. Ray says consider this a threat and not a promise: stay out of our family business. Devon then takes him into the bathroom and slams him into the shower wall before turning the water on him.

We now get a video package for Mickie James, talking about winning the belt back. God, I hate her voice.

James Storm is in the locker room, talking about trying to talk to AJ Styles. Now, it’s time to just kick the crap out of each other.

Bad Influence make their way out into the arena, ,and Daniels has the shirt he was holding tucked into his pants. Apparently, it’s just one of their shirts, but in a different color. Daniels says the year of Bad Influence continues. It is great to be them. The fans love them. They’ve got these sweet new shirts. The BI movie is in-production, and Morgan Freeman is in talks to play the role of Dixie Carter. But, the cherry on the sundae that is their lives, is they are THIS CLOSE to convincing AJ Styles to side with them. Kaz says they got him his own BI shirt in black and yellow. Now, their first matter of business involves their old amigos, “Churro Guerrero” and “Juan Hernandez”. As soon as you muchachos give them their title match, they will become World Tag Team Champions of the World, Part Tres. Now, you all have permission to worship them.

Bobby Roode and Austin Aries come out, and Roode says that he has to be the bearer of bad news. He’s sorry to say it, but BI aren’t the #1 contenders for the titles. Last week, Chavo and Hernandez fluked a victory over him and Aries, so before anything else happens, the former champs get a rematch. Daniels says Roode’s opinion would matter more if he wasn’t a Canadian. Aries says that, lucky for them, his opinion is more valuable than anything, and it comes down to this: BI have been a more successful team than they have. And maybe if he and Roode were “closer” to each other like BI, maybe they’d be a more “well-oiled” machine like a BI. Kaz makes fun of Aries for being a vegan, so Aries makes a joke about Kaz putting meat in his mouth. The four of them then scream incoherently at each other as Chavo and Hernandez enter the ring behind Aries and Roode. BI sees them and bails. As Roode and Aries turn around, they’re attacked by the champs and thrown to the floor. Chavo holds up a belt and says THIS is why they’re better. And…well, that’s it. That was literally Chavo’s whole promo.

Overly long video packages for Aces and Eights about how dangerous they are. This segues into a recap of Angle losing earlier tonight, and then it’s footage of Magnus getting attacked. As someone on FB once said, TNA should change their company motto to “We Are Recaps”.
We see Matt Morgan watching all of this, and it turns into a long promo about how stupid Hulk Hogan is. I’d recap it, but honestly, if you’ve heard Morgan do this promo once, you’ve heard every Morgan promo since then.

MATCH 4-World Television Championship: Devon (Champion) vs. Samoa Joe
Let’s see if it actually happens this time. Christy Hemme botched Devon’s intro. Devon attacks Joe as the bell rings, so looks like the match will indeed happen. Joe begins to fight back with some quick lefts before stomping Devon down. Joe hits a running leg lariat and follows upwith a snapmare, a chop to the back, a kick to the chest and a jumping knee drop for 2. Joe calls for the Kokina Clutch, and Devon counters out before hitting a spear. He chokes Joe over the bottom rope, but Joe gets back up and hits some rights. Devon rakes the eyes, then steps on Joe’s stomach in the corner. Snapmare by Devon, and an elbow drop gets 2. Devon applies a rear chinlock, and Joe fights out. Devon hits a right and corner whips Joe, but Joe counters, hits a running hip bump and a spin kick to the head. Joe sets Devon on the top rope as Garett and Wes comes to ringside. Joe takes them both out and goes for the Muscle Buster, but they get on the apron and distract the ref. As Joe goes for the move, Anderson runs into the ring and hits Joe with a pair of brass knuckles. Devon falls on Joe and gets the 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Devon. Devon props Joe on his knees after the match. Anderson puts the knuckles back on, gets on his knees and nails Joe in the face.

Next week, Mickie James gets her KO title match, and Roode/Aries vs. Chavo/Hernandez in a championship rematch from last week.

MATCH 5: James Storm vs. AJ Styles
AJ starts to bail on the match before the bell rings, but Storm attacks him from behind. He goes for a suplex on the ramp, but AJ blocks it. Storm goes for a powerbomb, but AJ escapes and hits Storm with a right. Storm comes back with an uppercut, and the match officially starts in the ring. AJ beats Storm down in the corner, then hits some elbows to the back of the head. AJ ducks a clothesline, but runs into a high knee. Storm hits some mounted punches before applying a side headlock. AJ comes back with a chopblock and a clothesline. Commercials.

Back from the break, AJ hits a vertical suplex on Storm before applying a rear chinlock. Storm eventually fights out, and now the two trade punches. Storm hits a forearm off the ropes, an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline. Back body drop off the ropes connects, and the old Eye of the Storm gets 2 (I say “old” because he uses that name for a different move now). Storm props AJ on the top rope and goes for a superplex, but AJ slides out and crotches Storm. Storm gets hung up in the Tree of Woe in the process, and AJ hits a running seated dropkick to Storm’s face for 2. Bad Influence come out on the ramp, cheering AJ on. AJ picks Storm up in a fireman’s carry, but Storm escapes, ducks a clothesline and hits a backcracker before sending AJ to the floor with a clothesline. Storm follows out, and AJ rams him into the apron before throwing him into the guardrail. Back in the ring, AJ misses a running boot and gets hit with Closing Time. Storm calls for the Last Call, but AJ blocks it and rolls through into a heel hook. Storm taps out.

WINNER: AJ Styles. Bad Influence enter the ring to congratulate AJ, who then attacks both of them. He stares at Storm and leaves the ring as A and E attack Storm from behind. BI roll back into the ring, and they get attacked as well. Kaz gets hit with the World title by Bully Ray, and Daniels is hit with a double chokeslam by Knux and DOC as Storm gets hit with a Sky-High by D’Lo. Ray gets on the mic and asks if we know who he is or who they are. They are the Aces and Eights. They are the men responsible for destroying all of your heroes. He is the man responsible for defeating and taking out Jeff Hardy. His brothers are the men responsible for taking out these three pieces of trash. You have no heroes left. Look around. All of your heroes are now just victims, and there’s one man you can blame this on: you can blame this on Hulk Hogan. Hulk is the reason why “all of your heroes are just another victim”. Dad: next week, live on Impact, Ray is calling you out in the middle of this ring. He wants to stare deep into your soul and tell you to your face you are the reason why all of their heroes are nothing but victims of Aces and Eights. And when you ride with the Aces and Eights, you never walk alone. Well, I would certainly hope not, since riding is an entirely different activity than walking.

End of show.

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TNA Impact Wrestling Results March 21 and Recap

March 23, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

This week, TNA is once again in Chicago, and the show opens with Hulk Hogan coming out on one crutch. He says he’s been around a long time, and we’ve been through hell and back together. However, he’s never had the wool pulled over his eyes like this. Not only did Aces and Eights fool the fans, they fooled him, his family, Sting, and everyone else in TNA. When he thinks of what happened last week and how A and E ran roughshod over the TNA roster, he’s realized this is a war for survival. Out of all the men that were left laying last week, the four guys that led the charge are the warriors. They are the men he loves and respects, and they lead the rest of the pack in the back, jack. At this time, he wants nothing but respect for these four, and he wants to bring them out here right now. First out is Samoa Joe, second is Magnus, third is “the scariest man I’ve ever looked into his eyes” Kurt Angle, and fourth is Jeff Hardy. As Hulk speaks to these men, he’s also speaking to everyone in the back. The reason these four are here is because he wants them to put A and E out and bring the World title back to TNA. Jeff Hardy, you took us to a place Hulk never thought they’d be. But after the attack last week, can he pull off a rematch? Hardy says he’s in bad shape, but Bully Ray stole the title, and we, “the creatures”, need it back. These other men are ready, and tonight, let’s have a four-way between everyone in the ring, with the winner getting a shot at Bully Ray. Hulk says the last time he picked a #1 contender, it was a mistake, so he loves this idea. Looks like we’ve got our main event.

MATCH 1-World Tag Team Championship: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez vs. Austin Aries and Bobby Roode (Champions)
This is the match that was supposed to happen at the top of the show last week. Chavo and Roode start the match. Chavo counters a waistlock in to an arm wringer. Roode counters into a hammerlock, and Chavo counters once more into the wringer. Roode punches his way out, but gets hit with a European uppercut before rebounding with punches. Chavo comes off the ropes with a spinning headscissors before beating Roode down in the corner. Hernandez tags in, Chavo hits a bodyslam, Hernandez bodyslams Chavo onto Roode and then hits a Warrior Splash for 2. Roode fights back and tags in Aries, beating Hernandez down in the corner. Aries boxes the ears, then hits an open-hand chop to the chest. Roode back in with a kick before tagging Aries in once more. They go for a double suplex, but Hernandez counters into one of his own before tagging in Chavo, who hits a pair of dropkicks on Roode. Commercials.

We’re back, and Aries throws Chavo to the floor, where Roode slams him into the steps. Roode holds Chavo up, and Aries comes off the top with an elbow. Back in the ring, Aries gets 2. Aries applies a front chancery, but Chavo fights out. He goes to the ropes, where Aries catches him with a kitchen sink. Roode in, and he hits a back suplex for 2 before applying a rear chinlock. Chavo fights out once again and sends Roode to the corner. He goes for a monkey flip, but Roode blocks him and props him on the top rope. Chavo strikes from this position and hits a tornado DDT. Aries and Hernandez tag in, and Hernandez with the hot tag offense before hitting a Warrior Press on Aries. Hernandez goes up the ramp and hits an outside-in Air Mexico on both champions. He goes for the Border Toss on Aries, but Roode boots him in the gut. Roode gets hit with a Pounce, sending him to the floor. Aries blocks a corner charge and goes for a cross-body, but Hernandez catches him. He tags in Chavo and goes for a powerbomb, but Aries takes him to the floor with a hurricanrana. Back in the ring, he mocks Chavo as he goes for the brainbuster, but Chavo counters into the 3 Amigos as the crowd dumps all over him for it. Chavo goes up top, but Kazarian runs down to distract the referee as Christopher Daniels shoves Chavo off the top. Aries rolls him up with a handful of tights and gets the 3.

WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: Austin Aries and Bobby Roode. After the match, Bad Influence attack the champs from behind.

Apparently, all X-Division matches will now be contested in 3-way matches. G*ddammit, TNA. Why do you continue to piss me off?

We see an interview from Kenny King from earlier today. He says he should be mad about the new changes to the X-Division, but this kind of stuff has always been happening to him. If TNA wants to be this way, so be it. If they put two guys in front of him, TNA better set up two funerals. This just gives him a chance to shine even brighter. The interview then turns into a commercial for 5-Hour Energy as TNA rubs more salt in the wound.

MATCH 2-3-Way Match for the World X-Division Championship: Sonjay Dutt vs. Zema Ion vs. Kenny King (Champion)
I didn’t realize Dutt still worked here. Just shows how TNA has no idea what to do with talent in most cases. Apparently, the belt will be defended each week in these kind of matches, and the person who doesn’t get pinned or doesn’t submit moves onto the 3-way the following week. Just keep digging that grave, TNA. Ion applies a side headlock on Dutt, but gets shouldered by King. Dutt hits a spinning headscissors on Ion, and the three botch a spot in the corner. King runs into Ion, and Dutt takes them both down with a hurricanrana/armdrag combo, sending them to the floor. They drag Dutt outside and ram him into the barricade. King then does the same to Ion before hitting a somersault plancha from the apron. He rams Ion into the apron and throws him back in the ring, getting 2. Jumping hip bump in the corner by King before he foot chokes Ion. Float-over suplex into some mounted punches by King before stopping Dutt from entering the ring. He runs into an elbow by Ion but catches him in a fireman’s carry. Ion fights out but runs into a jumping roundhouse. Dutt hits a springboard dropkick on King, then goes up top. King shoves him off onto the ramp, and now Ion begins to fight back until he runs into a modified Ghetto Blaster. Ion rolls to the apron and hits the inside-out DDT, and Dutt comes back in and sends Ion to the floor with a hurricanrana. Both heels are outside now, and Dutt hits a top rope moonsault before throwing Ion back in. Bodyslam by Dutt, and he goes for the Hindu Press. King blocks him, and Ion goes up for a back suplex. Dutt elbows him off and hits a moonsault into a double stomp. King comes back in with a springboard blockbuster on Dutt and gets the 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Kenny King. Dutt is now out of the title picture for a while. Smart move TNA. Instead of getting rid Ion’s worthless ass, you bring Dutt back for one night and then remove him from the title hunt for a while.

AI stops Brooke Hogan to ask about her husband, and she says she’s only here to run the KO division tonight.

We get an interview with Bully Ray as he talks about “plan B” going into effect, that being him using the Hogan family to become champion. Joseph Park became the bait, and we basically get a video package highlighting the entire stupid storyline involving A and E. I kid you not, this video package is almost ten minutes long. It’s ridiculous.

We see Sting entering the building. Moments later, he enters Hulk Hogan’s office. He says he doesn’t care about the title; this is about making things right. Give him Bully tonight. Hulk says things haven’t changed in his mind, so why doesn’t Sting do what he does best and go hide up in the rafters for a couple of years. Whenever Sting is around, he causes problems, so get out.

Video package for the meaningless Gail Kim/Taryn Terrell feud.

Taryn Terrell comes out to Traci Brooks’ old music and says she knows she’s on probation, and her job is to control chaos, not create it. But when Gail Kim put her hands on Taryn twice, she had to retaliate. So, she guesses it’s time for her to accept the consequences. Gail Kim interrupts this little speech, takes the mic and says she’s glad Taryn learned her lesson, and that’s you don’t mess with Gail Kim. Gail Kim is the greatest female wrestler to have ever lived, and the greatest knockout in company history. She created the division, and without her, Taryn wouldn’t exist. Now, she’s going to call out Brooke Hogan to do what she should have done a long time ago, and that’s to fire Taryn. So Brooke, come out and do what we’ve been waiting for. Brooke says this was a hard decision for her to make, and she’s thought long and hard about it. Taryn, you know she loves you, but she has to be fair as the V.P. of the knockouts division, so she has to terminate Taryn as knockouts referee. She asks Kim if she’s happy, then says she has good news that might make everyone here happy. That news is that Taryn has been signed to the knockouts roster as an active competitor. Big surprise there. Taryn immediately spears Kim and knocks her to the floor before chasing her to the back.

Bully Ray comes out of the crowd and approaches Brooke on the ramp. He shows her he’s wearing his wedding ring and says, “’Til death do us part”. Brooke responds by saying, “I hate you” approximately 812 times.

We get another A and E video narrated by Bully Ray, and this time, he describes each unmasked member of the group and why they turned on TNA. A ridiculous amount of this video is spent on Wes Brisco and Garett Bischoff. Once again, nearly 10 minutes long.

Kurt Angle talks about tonight, and his match tonight is the most important in a year and a half, as it’s been that long since he was champion. He needs to prove he’s the best wrestler alive and the one to take down A and E, and that starts with the World title.

MATCH 3: Matt Morgan vs. Joseph Park
Morgan immediately shoves Park away, then piefaces him into the ropes. Park swings at him, but Morgan moves and shoves him into the turnbuckle. Morgan shoves him again, and Park shoves back before putting his fists up. Morgan drops him with a body blow, then screams “Forearm!” at him before hitting one across the back. Morgan continues to call his own moves as he does them. He hits a back elbow and a clothesline to the back of the head. Park climbs up to his feet in the corner, where he dodges an avalanche. Morgan rebounds and hits a discus clothesline. Headbutt by Morgan, and now he rakes the eyes over the middle rope. Morgan applies a modified surfboard stretch through the ropes. He calls for the Carbon Footprint, but misses and ends up crotching himself on the top rope. Park bounces Morgan back into the ring, hits a few punches and a clothesline. He ducks a clothesline and hits a running shoulderblock. Park goes to the middle rope and goes for the Closing Argument, but Morgan moves. He drops Park with the Carbon Footprint before falling on his own ass and gets the 3.

WINNER: Matt Morgan. Morgan should never use a pump kick as a finisher ever again. After all these years, he still can’t do it right.

AI stops Jeff Hardy to ask about Bully Ray. He says it means everything to get that belt back, but if it’s not him tonight, he knows Magnus, Joe and Angle are all ready to do it.

Mike Tenay is in the ring, and he brings out AJ Styles. Tenay says he’s known AJ for over 10 years and called every one of his matches in TNA, and considers them friends. Now he wants to know what’s been going on with AJ lately. AJ just stares at him. Tenay asks him about the rumors about alcohol and drug use. Taz cuts him off and says to let a professional do it. Taz says he saw the video on wherever the hell it is he’s from. Life’s about opportunities, and he was talking to the boys in A and E. So, he has a “PROSPECT” vest for AJ. He’d have to start off at the bottom, but the spot is his if he wants it. Taz makes fun of AJ’s motorcycle for a moment until James Storm comes out, mic in hand. He asks if this is the new AJ Styles, a guy who can’t even face who’s talking to him at the moment. That’s fine. He can be the new AJ with his new look, because the old AJ that Storm knew would say exactly what he thought about someone to their face. He can be the new AJ, but Storm is still the same douchebag. AJ can think about suckerpunching him again, but when you think about it, Storm is going to knock his teeth down his throat and spit out his stupid catchphrase. AJ stares at Storm for a minute before backing out of the ring. Storm says everyone wants to know what’s going on, but AJ isn’t listening.

Yet ANOTHER Bully Ray video, and this time it’s about Brooke Hogan and Sting. This one is a little shorter, only going about 5 minutes.

MATCH 4-4-Way Match to determine a new #1 contender for the World Championship: Samoa Joe vs. Magnus vs. Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy
As I said on Facebook, Magnus may be the most underrated guy in this company. All four men are legal at all times, it looks like. Magnus attacks Hardy as Joe attacks Angle. Hardy and Angle get beaten down in opposite corners until Hardy ducks a punche and ifres off some of his own shots. Magnus pushes Hardy into Joe, and Joe hits a clothesline. He clotheslines Magnus, then hits a hip bump on Angle in the corner, followed by a spin kick to the head. Snapmare by Joe, and he chops the back, kicks the chest and drops a jumping knee for 2. Magnus and Hardy are brawling on the outside as Joe hits a chop on Angle. Joe dodges Angle and sends him to the floor, where Hardy and Magnus beat him down. Joe takes them all out with a suicide dive. Commercials.

Back from the break, Angle is hitting Magnus with punches, but runs into an inverted atomic drop by Joe. Magnus hits a running boot and Joe hits a running senton as Magnus gets 2 on Angle. He hits the misdirection clothesline on Joe, then a running knee on Angle. Hardy goes for a cross-body on Magnus, but gets caught with a modified northern lights bomb. Magnus drops a couple of elbows, getting 2. Magnus applies a rear chinlock, and Hardy fights out until Magnus whips him back down. Outside Angle rakes Joe’s eyes. Back in the ring, Magnus hits a running elbow across Hardy’s back. He stops Angle and Joe from getting back in the ring, then stomps Hardy down in the corner. Joe gets back in, and Magnus meets him with some knee strikes before getting hit with a back elbow. Joe with a series of headbutts, but runs right into the MGD by Magnus. Magnus rams Hardy into the corner and hits some forearms. He sends Hardy into the opposite corner, where Hardy hits a spinning headscissors. Hardy with an inverted atomic drop, double legdrop and seated dropkick. He hits sit-out Twists on both Angle and Joe, then hits the standard version on Magnus. Hardy goes up top for the swanton bomb, but Angle cuts him off. Hardy shoves Angle down, and Magnus drops Hardy with a shot to the face. Angle hits an overhead belly-to-belly on Magnus and a release German suplex on Joe. Ankle lock is applied on Joe, and Joe kicks him off into Magnus. Hardy hits a swanton on Joe and gets the 3.

WINNER: Jeff Hardy. Big surprise there.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

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TNA Impact Wrestling Results March 14 and Recap

March 16, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

Tonight, not only do we get the return of AJ Styles, but it’s also the first show after Lockdown, one of the most predictable cards TNA has put on in years. More on that throughout the recap. For now, the show is actually opening with a match.

Oops. My bad. No, it isn’t. What was supposed to be a tag title match with Aries and Roode defending against Chavo and Hernandez turns into Aces and Eights attacking Chavo and Hernandez right after they get into the ring. Oh, and the show is in Chicago tonight, BTW. Just pointing that out. Watching D’Lo and Knux (formerly Mike Knox) blubber it up in the ring is embarrassing. Devon grab the mic, and he tells the crowd to sit down and shut the hell up. This is the group that will dominate from now on. So, without further ado, let him introduce to you, the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, his brother, Bully Ray.

Ray makes his way out through the crowd, and some generic lyrics have been added to the A and E theme. Not only is Ray the new champion, but he was announced as the president of A and E. Big surprise there. D’Lo puts a vest on Ray, and Ray asks if we know who he is. Not a damn clue, no. He’s Bully Ray. He is the president of A and E. And he is the TNA World Heavyweight Champion. He’s the guy that used Sting. He’s the guy that screwed Brooke. He’s the guy that made a fool of Hulk Hogan. But you know what? He’s also the guy that made a fool out of every frickin’ one of you. For nine months, you bought into it. For nine months, they pulled the wool over your eyes. For nine months, you bought it. Devon, he cannot tell you how proud he was of Devon & A and E when they threw the hammer to Ray and he drilled Jeff Hardy in the back of the head. Ray never felt so proud. But it wasn’t supposed to go down that way. Remember at Lockdown when Wes and Garett came over the top of the cage? That when he was supposed to leave the cage. That’s when it was supposed to happen. Why didn’t happen? Because of Hulk. An hour before that match, Hulk sat him down and had a “father-to-son-in-law” talk. Hulk started to ramble about how Andre the Giant gave him advice to do something memorable. Ray couldn’t give a damn about Hulk’s advice, but he did something memorable. In one night, he did something the nWo could never accomplish during their entire run. Hulk, if you’ve got the balls, come out here and fire them. He dares you. It won’t happen. You can chant his name all you want, Hulk’s not firing them. They’re A and E, and when you ride with them, you’ll never walk alone.

Sting is in the back, saying Ray is digging his grave and the grave of TNA. Now Ray is in the fast lane, and it’s pissing him off. He’s going to get Bully, and he’s going to start by talking to Hulk.

MATCH 1: Gail Kim and Tara (w/Jesse) vs. Mickie James and Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky
Velvet Sky is still the Knockouts Champion, yet they showed Gail Kim with the belt in the opening graphic. Gotta love TNA and their screw-ups. Kim does a cut-away promo about Taryn Terrell being put on probation for putting her hands on Kim at Lockdown. Mike Tenay calls this a hometown welcome for Tara, despite the fact that she is from California and runs a business in Kentucky. Chicago is in neither of those states. Kim and Sky start the match. Sky blocks a kick and applies a side headlock. Kim shoves her off and shoulders her off the ropes. Sky dodges a legdrop, hits a Japanese armdrag and a standard version. She blocks a hip toss and hits a short-arm clothesline before tagging in James, and the faces his the old Tajiri/Whipwreck double leg whip. In the corner, James hits a kick to the gut and some mounted punches before knocking Tara from the apron. Enziguri by James for 2. Commercials.

We’re back, and the heels are in control with Tara being legal. She hits some shoulder thrusts in the corner on James, but James fights out with punches, but Tara manages to apply the Tarantula for a 4-count. Outside, Kim throws James to the ground before rolling her back in the ring. Tara goes for a pin, getting 2. Kim tags in and the heels hit a double slingshot suplex for 2. In the corner, Kim applies a foot choke before getting in Taryn’s face. James uses the distraction to hit the Tunacanrana, and the two hit simultaneous clotheslines. Tara and Sky tag in. Sky hits a pair of jumping clotheslines and a back elbow. She ducks a clothesline and hits a headscissors into a side-Russian legsweep for 2. Petey Williams, she isn’t. Kim breaks up the pin before shoving Taryn down. Taryn slaps Kim, and James comes off the top with a Thesz Press on Kim. Tara back in, and she hits the Widow’s Peak on James. She turns around and gets hit with In Yo Face for 3.

WINNERS: Mickie James and Velvet Sky.

We’re now in the A and E clubhouse, and they’re drinking beer. Ray says Hulk doesn’t have the balls to fire them, but if he does, he wants to propose a toast to all them and to the guys who stuck by him, A and E. Ray then remembers he hasn’t heard from his wife in a while, so he calls her. It immediately goes to voicemail, so he leaves a sarcastic message, then puts the phone on speaker so A and E can say “hi”. He tells her to tell her dad “hello”.

Before the next match, Robbie E tells Robbie T that what happened on Sunday was a fluke, bro, and tonight, T won’t be so lucky, bro.

MATCH 2: Robbie E vs. Rob Terry
E tries to attack from behind, but Terry shoulders him down before hip tossing him out of the corner. Pancake by Terry, and E goes to the corner. T hits a running back elbow and a delayed vertical suplex into a powerslam. He grabs E on his shoulders and hits the Freakbuster for 3.

WINNER: Robbie Terry. Terry does some stupid fist-pumping and dancing after the match to music that would make Fandango embarrassed.

Sting goes to the elevator.

Back in the clubhouse, Ray is complaining about no A and E merchandise at the tables tonight. He tells one of the guys to open up a TNA roster book, and whoever the page is opened to pays the price tonight.

We see Sting and Hulk Hogan in an office. Hulk is pissed and blaming Sting for everything. He knew all along Ray was rotten to the core, and now he has the World title. Now A and E has the whole company hostage. Now, his daughter is married to Bully. Sting says he has an idea. Don’t fire A and E yet, especially Bully. Let him have Bully tonight. Hulk says there is no more “we” anymore. He knows how this movie ends. This is the end. A and E has the title and his daughter. The movie is over, and so is Sting. Hulk has business to take care of and he doesn’t want to see Sting right now. Get out. You make him sick.

We see Austin Aries and Bobby Roode approach Sting as he’s leaving. Aries says you can’t blame Hulk for being upset, because it really is all Sting’s fault. Everyone told Sting Bully Ray was no good, and he didn’t want to hear it. He’s the reason why A and E are running things right now, and also the reason why they can’t wrestle tonight, thanks to their opponents being attacked by A and E. After that match, they were going to give Sting and Hulk a title match, too. Sting cuts them off and says he’s tired of talking, but instead wants to fight. He wants one of them, and Roode slowly backs away. Sting challenges Aries at that point.

Christy Hemme welcomes AJ Styles into the ring. His music hits, but no one is coming out. After a few moments, Bad Influence’s music hits instead, and they come down to the ring, dressed like The Road Warriors, Daniels as Hawk and Kaz as Animal. Kaz says that tonight isn’t just the first live Impact on the road, and it’s definitely not the first time AJ has disappointed his fans, but tonight Bad Influence brings back “Throwback Thursday”. Since they are in the “Second City”, they’re paying homage to the second-best tag team in wrestling history. Tell ‘em Chris! WELL…those warriors, that Legion of the Past, they were fake tough guys. Fake tough like AJ Styles and fake tough like every one of you. Bad Influence, however, are the real deal. They’re the original “ring warriors”, and they are the “Legion of Boom”. Oooh…what a tush! And on that note, you have permission to worship them now.

James Storm comes out, mic in hand. He tells BI they don’t have to run. He was listening to them run their bottle suckers, mocking AJ Styles and mocking one of the greatest teams in history. He’s pretty sure AJ will come out and let them know what he thinks of them. As for LOD, they’re bigger and more over than BI will ever be. And unlike these two douchebags, they were actually from Chicago. Now, onto the tough part, he can help with that. He’s going to decide which one of them wants to have the crap kicked out of them. Before they can decide, Storm slingshots Daniels into the ring.

MATCH 3: Christopher Daniels (w/Kazarian) vs. James Storm
Storm blocks a hip toss and hits his own before nailing a corner uppercut and a back body drop. He blocks a kick and hits a discus punch. Storm sends Daniels into Kaz on the apron and rolls him up for 2. Kaz trips Storm behind the ref’s back, and Daniels connects with a running knee. He stomps Storm down in the corner, then sends him hard into the opposite corner. Double stomp to the back, followed by some kneelifts. Daniels applies a waistlock, but Storm elbows out. He runs right into a shoulder, and Daniels follows up with a snapmare and a split-legged moonsault for 2. They trade some punches, and Storm comes back with a forearm, inverted atomic drop and a bulldog. He calls for the Eye of the Storm, but Daniels escapes and hits an uppercut, followed by a standing uranage. BME misses as Daniels lands on his feet. Storm hits Closing Time and calls for the Last Call, but Kaz causes a distraction. Daniels attacks from behind, but Storm sees him coming, ducks and hits a backcracker for 3.

WINNER: James Storm. BI double teams Storm after the match, stomping him down. AJ Styles walks down to the ring, still trying to look drunk and strung out. He clocks Kaz, and Daniels bails. AJ then nails Storm before heading towards the back.

Wes Brisco stops Kurt Angle in the back. As he turns, A and E jump Angle from behind and beat him down.

Joseph Park makes his way out. He says it’s an honor to be standing here tonight. It’s no secret it’s been a couple of crazy months for Park. In the UK, he got his first big win over Robbie E, and he even won again last weekend at Lockdown. With all of this early success he’s had, it’s made him reflect on the highlights of his life. Number one has to be graduating law school at the top of his class. Number two would have to be when he finally made partnership at the law firm of Park, Park & Park, who are here tonight in the nosebleeds. The highlight of his life to this point, though, has to be right here in front of his hometown of Chicago, IL. He grew up watching all of the Cubby games, which results in boos from the crowd. He panders to the Blackhawks fans after that before saying nothing has been as exciting as his time in Impact Wrestling, and he can’t wait for what’s next.

Matt Morgan interrupts things. He tells Park to back off before saying that Hulk making mistake after mistake is an understatement. Did the Bully Ray situation turn out the way you hoped? That being said, with all of the mistakes Hulk has made, none are bigger than this walking joke standing in front of him. The fact that you signed this clown to a pro wrestling contract on Impact is an abortion to the sport of wrestling. Here’s what he’s going to do, old man. He’s going to start eliminating Hulk’s mistakes one-by-one, starting with Park. So, unless Park wants his teeth knocked down his throat, he is strongly advised to get the hell out of Morgan’s ring now. Park starts to leave, but hesitates after Morgan calls Chicago a “dump city”. Park tells Morgan that, in Chicago, they never back down from a fight. So, if you want a fight, let’s do it right now. Morgan asks if he’s serious then says they don’t do things on Park’s time; they do them on Morgan’s time. Morgan leaves, but as Park turns around, he gets back in the ring and drops Park with a big boot. You can tell he was going for the Carbon Footprint, but they botched the spot. Morgan then tells Park his time is next week.

Back in the A and E clubhouse. Ray asks Hulk if he’s going to fire them. Chavo’s out. Hernandez is out, and now so is Angle. Grow some balls and fire them. If Hulk doesn’t come to them, they’ll go to him. They destroyed his family, and they’ll destroy his show as well. In fact, that sounds like a good idea. Let’s start right now.

MATCH 4: World Tag Team Co-Champion Austin Aries (w/Bobby Roode) vs. Sting
Sting immediately backs Aries into a corner and shoves him down. Aries takes Sting down and spins across his back before posing in the corner. Aries boots Sting in the midsection before applying a side headlock. Sting counters by picking Aries up and setting him across the top turnbuckle, where he punches and kicks him in the gut. A running kick causes Aries to hotshot himself and Sting goes for the Stinger Splash. However, Aries sees it coming and rolls to the outside. Back in the ring, Sting blocks a kick and strikes Aries several times before hitting an inverted atomic drop. Behind the ref’s back, Roode trips Sting and pulls him to the outside. Sting fights back with punches and throws Roode into the guardrail, where he hits a Stinger Splash. Aries comes off the top with a double axe handle, but Sting moves and Aries hits Roode. Sting throws Aries into a chair before celebrating on the apron. Commercials.

We’re back, and Sting is still in control. Go figure. Aries forearms him to the back off a Roode distraction, but Sting comes back with punches before clotheslining Aries to the floor. Roode causes another distraction, so the ref ejects him from ringside. Aries kicks the ropes as Sting is climbing back in, essential low-blowing him. Sting rolls to the outside, where Aries nails him with a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Aries goes for the cover, getting 2. Aries hits a jumping elbow drop for another 2. Foot choke near the corner by Aries before nailing Sting with a left jab, hitting a snapmare and a missile dropkick from the middle rope for 2. Spinal tap by Aries for another 2. Sting begins to fight back out of the corner with his weak-looking backhands, but Aries dropkicks him in the left knee before stomping it for 1. Aries boxes the ears, and Sting does the same to him. He goes for a dropkick, but Aries holds onto the ropes, sending Sting back-first to the mat. Aries goes for the scorpion deathlock, but doesn’t know how to apply it. Sting kicks him off, hits more backhands and turns him inside out with a clothesline. Sting hits an uppercut and goes for the scorpion, but Aries escapes and rolls to the apron, where he hits a hotshot. Up top, Aries hits a missile dropkick. Sting no-sells as Aries mocks him. Sting boots him in the gut and hits a weak gorilla-press slam. Aries crawls to the corner, where he dodges a Stinger Splash and follows up with a running corner dropkick. Aries hits a Stinger Splash of his own, then goes for the brainbuster. Sting counters into the Scorpion Death Drop, but only gets 2. Aries crawls to the corner again, and Sting connects with a slo-mo Stinger Splash. He applies the scorpion deathlock, but A and E attacks.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Sting. A and E beat Sting down in the ring as Aries heads for the hills. Ray tells two of them to hold Sting up. Ray tells Sting he used him. Is that what Hulk meant by “do something memorable”? Do you think you’ll remember A and E now, Hulk? Where are you? Are you going to fire them? Where is everyone’s hero? Where are you, dad? Come on, Hulk! This is memorable. They have taken over Impact!

Hulk’s music hits. Why do I get the sickening feeling they’re building to a Hulk/Ray match for the title? Oh, because it’s TNA and Hulk Hogan. Duh. Anyway, Hulk comes out on crutches and stops on the stage. You know something, brother? Firing you would be the coward’s way out. It’d be too damn easy. For everything you’ve done to everyone, you’re not getting the easy way out, brother. Every dog has its day. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow. Live by the sword, die by the sword. And from this day forward, Hulk is empowering everyone in the TNA locker room to band together, to fight, and to eliminate A and E, brother. Jeff Hardy’s music hits, and he, Magnus, Samoa Joe, Joseph Park, RVD, Kurt Angle, Rob Terry and Hernandez. After a few moments, A and E dominate the TNA roster. Chavo Guerrero is also in tere apparently, and they get rid of him pretty quickly. Angle gets back in the ring after being beaten down by Ray, but they beat him down as Ray climbs back in. He has a mic, and he asks “dad” if this is what he meant by something memorable. How’s this for memorable, you old bastard? Ray begins whipping the TNA guys with his wallet chain before heading up the ramp towards Hulk. He says that was Hulk’s cavalry, and they just got killed by A and E. What are you going to do now, dad?

End of show.

Well, for that being TNA’s first live Impact on the road, it was pretty much a throw-away show. Not a good start.

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TNA Lockdown 2013 Results: Bully Wins, Turns Heel

March 11, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

Lockdown 2013 is in the book and TNA Wrestling has a new world heavyweight champion. Bully Ray defeated Jeff Hardy in a predictable, yet exciting finish which saw Ray win the title and reveal himself as the leader of Aces & 8’s.

TNA Lockdown was a mixed show which will be remembered most for the final match of the night than anything else on the card. Bully Ray pinned Jeff Hardy to win the title in a Steel Cage Match. The final minutes of the match saw the last six months of Bully Ray’s TNA career come full circle after admitting to screwing the Hogans and being the President of Aces & 8’s.

The match saw interference early from Garett Bischoff and Wes Brisco. They climbed into the cage but and were fought off by Hardy and Ray. Hardy and Ray worked as a tag team and eventually threw both members of Aces & 8’s out the door before going back to the match.

The finish of the match saw Bully powerbomb Hardy off of the top rope after Hardy tried to escape the cage. Hardy kicked out of a pin attempt. Hulk and Brooke Hogan were at ringside together by this time. Aces & 8’s surrounded the cage. Ray gave Hardy a chain and the two stood back to back ready to fight the group. Devon gave Bully a hammer which he used to nail Hardy with and wound up pinning him to win the title.

Bully told Brooke she meant nothing to him and threatened Hulk. Hogan told Ray he was a “dead man.” Ray then took the microphone and cut a promo saying he used Brooke and screwed Hulk. A few fans that appeared planted started throwing trash after which more fans followed giving it an “n.W.o. moment.” Bully then told the crowd that he was the President of the group.

I have mixed feelings on the angle. It was a tremendous moment and one of the most exciting in TNA history. But in the end Hulk Hogan looked like an idiot as did everyone else in TNA. Anyone who watched Impact with a clue knew that Bully was going to eventually turn. Hogan never appeared to question it and always endorsed Bully to skeptical wrestlers. Unless it is revealed at some point that Hulk was in on it all along (wouldn’t be surprised), he really looks like a fool. Dixie in Hulk’s spot would have been better because she should be more naïve than a veteran like Hulk.

I also don’t know where you go from here with Bully. The money match would appear to be Bully vs. Kurt Angle or Sting. I am not sure how Hulk plays into this, other than an eventual turn if that is the way this thing turns out. I have to think that most fans left the event wanting to see Hulk vs. Bully, well those that aren’t aware of Hulk’s physical limitations. I highly doubt the match is coming so I really don’t get Hogan’s involvement at this point unless he’s wrestling or winds up in the faction.

You could argue both sides of Bully being champion. On the one hand he is a fresh face to the title and he has been one of the best characters on the show in a long time. On the other he is 41-years old and has never been perceived as a major singles star or threat. This goes back to the old argument of youth vs. veterans in TNA. Normally I’d be on the youth side but TNA hasn’t developed any young fresh faces to be world champions in a long, long time. I really have no problem with him as champ but I am sure some will.

Other notes from Lockdown…Jeff Hardy suffered a bad concussion on that final powerbomb off the top rope and was in bad shape after the show. TNA announced the Lockdown crowd as the biggest in company history. The last reported number was 6,700, although Dave Meltzer was skeptical on his F4Wonline.com. What amazes me about that number is that this company has never drawn more than 10,000 people to an event in 11 years! This is a company that at one time had Hogan, Ric Flair, the Hardys, Mick Foley, Kurt Angle, and Rob Van Dam on its roster at the same time and they couldn’t break 10,000? I have no idea how this company makes any money if that’s the case. AJ Styles is also scheduled to return on Thursday. He can’t receive a world title shot for a year according to the storylines so maybe they try a year-long build with Bully? Bobby Roode has also reportedly worked out any contractual issues with the company.

Full TNA Wrestling Lockdown 2013 results and winners…
Bully Ray defeated Jeff Hardy (c) in a Steel Cage match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship
Team TNA (Sting, Magnus, Samoa Joe, James Storm and Eric Young) defeated Aces & Eights (Devon, Mr. Anderson, Knox, DOC and Garett Bischoff) in a Lethal Lockdown match
Wes Brisco defeated Kurt Angle in a Steel Cage match
Austin Aries and Bobby Roode (c) defeated Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) and Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez in a Three-Way Tag Team match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship
Robbie T defeated Robbie E
Velvet Sky (c) defeated Gail Kim in a match for the TNA Women’s Knockout Championship
Joseph Park defeated Joey Ryan
Kenny King (c) defeated Christian York and Zema Ion in a Three-Way match for the TNA X Division Championship

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TNA Wrestling Lockdown 2013 Predictions and Preview

March 09, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

So, TNA Wrestling Lockdown is now upon us and what was once known as the biggest clusterf*ck of a PPV in pro wrestling is more or less a Hell in a Cell knockoff at this point, as only three matches have been announced to take place inside the cage. Not that this is a bad thing, mind you. Still, the card overall looks incredibly weak, despite the fact that Lockdown is supposed to be TNA’s 2nd biggest PPV behind BFG each year.

JOEY RYAN VS. JOSEPH PARK

I only found out about this match by going to TNA’s website, as they have done absolutely nothing to promote this match. Hell, Ryan hasn’t been seen on television in over a month, and only last week did his partner, Matt Morgan return to TV. Joseph Park, on the other hand, has been shoved down our throats since day one, so bet on him winning in this completely meaningless match.

ROBBIE E VS. ROBBIE T

Despite the fact that this match has been promoted more than the previously mentioned one, people will likely be even less interested. Outside of possibly their immediate families, I don’t know of anyone who really gives a damn about either of these guys. The whole feud stems from T being a “better bro”, and that’s literally it. How can anyone possibly care about this match? Anyway, T easily wins here because E never wins matches, and T is big. That’s pretty much it.

3-WAY MATCH FOR THE WORLD X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP: KENNY KING (CHAMPION) VS. ZEMA ION VS. CHRISTIAN YORK

You know, I’m noticing a trend here. Third match in, and it has had no build outside of King challenging anyone to face him at Lockdown in a vignette that aired this past Thursday night. While it’s nice to see York in the mix, much like RVD, I’ve seen Ion wrestle King more times than I can count in various matches, and I’m tired of it. Moving King onto a feud with York is fine, but get rid of Ion. And I mean for good. The guy is a train wreck. Anyway, considering this match has had no build and King just won the title a week ago (on television, at least), he will be retaining. If TNA is smart, they have him pin Ion so York can claim he wasn’t the won defeated, leading into a one-on-one rematch in the future.

KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP: GAIL KIM VS. VELVET SKY (CHAMPION)

TNA can shove Sky down my throat all they want, I’m still not buying her as the face of a women’s division. Kim, on the other hand, is one of the best female performers in the world, but at this point in time, she’s very obviously going through the motions. Despite the fact that she’s had several title reigns since returning to TNA and has been one of the main faces of the division, she just looks bored in her matches. Quite frankly, considering the “competition”, I don’t blame her. Still, if anyone can get a good match out of Velvet Sky, it’s her, but I’m not keeping my hopes up high. And as much as Kim deserves the championship, Sky is not losing it. Much like Kenny King, she just recently won the championship, so don’t expect her to drop it so quickly.

3-WAY MATCH FOR THE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: BAD INFLUENCE (CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & KAZARIAN) VS. AUSTIN ARIES & BOBBY ROODE (CHAMPIONS) VS. CHAVO GUERRERO & HERNANDEZ

While I fully expect Roode and Aries to eventually split up (or at least go after singles titles while remaining a team), it’s not time yet. Honestly, these two are about the most entertaining thing in TNA right now, and both are damn good at what they do. Although the dysfunctional tag team thing has been done to death, Aries and Roode are kind of an anomaly because they’re a heel team doing it instead, and it’s become very entertaining. While I expect BI to regain the titles at some point or another, they won’t do it until a face team has the belts. As for the team they eventually beat, I’m pretty sure (or at least hopeful) that it won’t be Chavo & Hernandez. The fact is that fans do not give a damn about these two, and Hernandez was completely dumped on during the UK tour by every single crowd he performed in. Back in the states, the reception has only been slightly warmer. Out of everyone in this match, the most over team are the current champions, and I think they need to stay champions a bit longer to keep their current angle interesting. Champs retain in my view.

STEEL CAGE MATCH: KURT ANGLE VS. WES BRISCO

This match is going to be a mess, and is predictable from the get-go. It’s Angle in a cage. When was the last time  you saw him lose a one-on-one cage match? When you take into account that Brisco is a nobody who does not deserve such a high-profile match, and you have your winner in Kurt Angle, with Aces and Eights likely trying to run interference towards the end, or just waiting until it’s over and attacking post-match. I would be amazed (and quite frankly confused) if Brisco won here. Just having a famous father who was good at what he did does not automatically make you talented, and Wes Brisco is walking proof of that. Kurt Angle is taking this one, and I will go one further and predict that Angle will botch a moonsault from the top of the cage as the crowd chants “Holy sh*t” like they’ve never seen it before, despite the fact that Angle botches a moonsault in literally every singles cage match he’s ever been in since the one against Krispen Wah years ago.

LETHAL LOCKDOWN: TEAM TNA (MAGNUS, SAMOA JOE, STING, JAMES STORM AND ERIC YOUNG) VS. ACES AND EIGHTS (GARETT BISCHOFF, DEVON, DOC, KNOX AND MR. ANDERSON)

Despite the fact that they’ve built this match up a few weeks, no one for either team was announced until last week. While A and E went pretty much the only way they could and picked every single unmasked member of the group (save Wes Brisco) for their team, Team TNA is just a mishmash of wrestlers. Yes, they’ve all been attacked by A and E, but that’s pretty much the only thing they have in common. And Eric Young? The guy has been gone for months filming a reality show and all of a sudden, he’s made a member of the team. Only one guy deserves this spot less than Young, and that’s Garett Bischoff. I don’t think I need to say any more on the subject. The only really shining part of Team TNA is Magnus, who is finally starting to get some kind of a push in TNA. I’ve thought he has deserved better for a long time, and it’s nice to see TNA finally coming out of their comfort zone and giving him a chance. Unfortunately, this isn’t enough to bode well for this match, which I predict will be a huge mess. Lethal Lockdown always is, but considering who is in it this time, I expect it to be worse than normal. Think the very last War Games, and we’re now on the same page. Anyway, neither team winning will really mean much in the long run, as this storyline isn’t going away anytime soon, but considering we just learned who the V.P. of A and E is (g*ddamn D’Lo Brown, for those that don’t know), which was supposed to be a major turn in the storyline, I’m predicting A and E to win here.

STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP: BULLY RAY VS. JEFF HARDY (CHAMPIONSHIP)

And now, the main event. A main event that, if it weren’t for the fact that Ray is married to Hulk Hogan’s daughter on TV, would make absolutely no sense. So, Hogan has some qualifying matches on TV, and whoever impresses him the most gets a World title match. After all the matches, he picks his storyline son-in-law Bully Ray, despite the fact that Ray wasn’t involved in any of those matches in any conceivable way. From there, we get weeks of Ray and Hardy glad-handing each other every chance they get, and that’s pretty much it. Based on how sugary-sweet Ray is as a face right now, it’s only a matter of time before he turns heel again. I see one of two outcomes here: 1) Matt Morgan interferes and somehow costs Ray the title, thanks to their skirmish this past Thursday night, or 2) Ray wins the title and immediately turns on Hardy. I have a feeling prediction #1 will be closer to the truth (for now, at least), but it could really go either way

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

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TNA Impact Wrestling Results March 7 and Recap

March 09, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

This week’s episode of Impact Wrestling is the “go home” show before Lockdown, which I will have predictions for later tonight.

Last week, we learned last week who will make up the teams for Lethal Lockdown, and man, is that match going to suck.

Kurt Angle enters the building and AI asks who the VP of Aces and Eights is. Angle said he’ll reveal the identity of the VP later tonight. This is a TNA problem, and no on in the company is safe.

In the Impact Zone, Austin Aries makes his way out. He and Roode will defend the World Tag Team titles in a 3-way match against Bad Influence and Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez. He says that, if there’s a better way to start Impact than him, it hasn’t been discovered yet. You’re looking at the common denominator of greatness, and that means wherever Austin Aries is, greatness is sure to follow. He can’t seem to get a hold of Bobby Roode, but that’s okay because, last week, without Roode being here, he still got the job done. Aries took out Hernandez and proved that being “Supermex” isn’t as good as being “the greatest man that ever lived”. After his victory, he graciously went out and found Buddy Ray & Jeff Hardy, and he gave them some words of confidence for their big title match in a few short days. Now, he didn’t have to do that, but he did. Did they appreciate it? No. They disrespected him. Now it’s a whole new game. Last week, Buddy Ray told him he’d never again be the World Champion. Well, guess what? He’s about to prove Ray wrong, because he’s calling out the World Champion Jeff Hardy, and he’s challenging Hardy right now to a match right here, and if Hardy is half the champ he says he is, he’ll meet Aries in the ring and prove it.

MATCH 1: World Tag Team Co-Champion Austin Aries vs. World Champion Jeff Hardy (non-title)
Aries attacks Hardy before the bell with a suicide dive. He throws Hardy’s custom belt on the ground before stomping Hardy and throwing him in the ring. The match officially starts, and Aries continues the attack with lefts. Aries sends Hardy into the corner, and lands a running elbow. Aries gets 2 off a snapmare, then hits a jumping knee for another 2. Aries fires off some more lefts, then chokes Hardy over the bottom rope for 2. In the corner, Hardy begins to fight back with kicks and rights. He stomps Aries down in the opposite corner. He hits 10 corner punches and follows up by reversing a corner whip and going for a headscissors. Aries catches him and shoves him over the top rope and to the floor. Aries mocks Hardy in the ring as we go to commercials.

We’re back, and Aries is still in control. Hardy starts to fight back with rights. He ducks an elbow and goes for a sunset flip, but Aries rolls through and hits a dropkick for 2. Aries hits a series of elbows to the back of the neck, then goes for the brainbuster. Hardy reverses into a small package for 2, and Aries pops back up and hits a clothesline for 2. Aries boxes the ears in the corner, then lays in some open-hand chops and lefts. Hardy fights back, sends Aries into the corner, but misses an avalanche. Aries mounts the middle rope, mocks Hardy once more and hits a splash for 2. He screams at the ref for a supposed slow count, and Hardy sneaks in a schoolboy for 2. Aries gets back up, Hardy ducks a clothesline and hits a reverse enziguri. Aries recovers and runs into a sit-out jawbreaker. Aries goes to the corner, where Hardy hits an avalanche. Hardy hits some boots and a flying clothesline. Aries reverses a corner whip, but runs into a knee. Hardy mounts the middle rope and hits a splash for 2. Hardy calls for the Twist of Fate, and Aries shoves him off, but runs into a headscissors that sends him to the floor. Hardy dropkicks him through the ropes and hits a running cross-body from the apron. Back in the ring, Hardy calls for the swanton, but Aries cuts him off and knocks him to the apron. Aries goes for a suplex, but Hardy escapes, hits the sit-out Twist of Fate, then follows up with the standard version. Matt Morgan runs into the ring and drops Hardy with a Carbon Footprint, leading to the DQ.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Austin Aries. After the match, Morgan drags Hardy outside, props his head against the ring post and goes for another Carbon Footprint, but Buddy Ray runs down and steps between the two, challenging Morgan to a fight. Morgan backs off and begins heading up the ramp, telling Ray this has nothing to do with him.

In Sting’s office, he’s talking to Team TNA, encouraging each man individually to work their hardest in Lethal Lockdown. Sting then starts screaming and says he feels better. Tonight, he’s going to kick things off against anyone who gets in his face. His team, save for Eric Young, all look less than thrilled.

Kurt Angle is headed out to the Impact Zone, and he has the mask of The Black Scorpion in his hand.

AI stops Matt Morgan to ask what just happened. He says he knows what he wants and deserves. Jeff Hardy is the World Champion. Buddy Ray is the hand-picked #1 contender. Morgan made a promise when he came back that he would gut the roster until he got what he deserved, and he’s just getting started.

Wes Brisco makes his way into the Impact Zone. This should be stunning. Brisco says that, before Angle can come out and reveal the VP of A and E, he has to get something off his chest. His dad and uncle were one of the greatest wrestlers (oh yeah, this should be amazing), and they told him Angle was the best wrestler they have ever seen. Wes believed it and wanted to be Angle until he got the chance to meet him. Then he realized how worthless Angle really is, just like that tin medal around his neck for some sport the Olympics kicked out. This Sunday in the cage, Wes Brisco will be on top and Kurt, he will use you as a stepping stone, and the whole world will know that a Brisco is better than an Angle.

Sadly, I am relieved to see Kurt Angle interrupt things. Listening to Brisco is painful. Angle says he remembers things differently. He remembers the snot-nosed kids asking questions all the time. When he grew up, he called Angle all the time for advice. Wes isn’t like his dad or uncle. If you don’t respect Kurt Angle, you don’t respect the business. Angle made a mistake by trusting Wes, and he will rectify that at Lockdown by beating Wes within an inch of his life. Before he reveals the VP tonight, he’s going to whip Wes’ ass right now. Angle immediately takes Wes down and fires off some rights to the head, knocking Wes to the floor. The Elite Beat Agents run down and try to break up the fight, throwing them back in the ring to do so. That makes sense. Angle charges in, and D’Lo Brown kicks him in the balls. He knocks Al Snow to the floor as Wes Brisco does the same to Pat Kenney. Yes, D’Lo Brown, yet another retired wrestler, is now part of Aces and Eights. Man, this group is just the most elite faction I’ve ever seen. Brown gets a mic and says he came down to reclaim a little “club property”, holding the mask as he says it. He’s going to spoil Angle’s surprise by revealing that he is the VP of A and E. Recognize that, Angle.

We see A and E celebrating in the back as they hand Brown his vest. Brown says he’ll never take the vest off again, then tells Devon to get out to the ring and take care of business. Brown then says that, when he joined A and E on day one, he was told he’d never walk alone. He knows he can trust every member with his life. Sting, can you say the same thing? Can you trust the guys you’ll be in the cage with? He doesn’t think so. Aces and Eights forever, dawg. I hate this storyline so very, very much.

MATCH 2: World Television Champion Devon vs. Sting (non-title)
I’m so glad Devon defends his title all the time. He’s added such prestige to such a valuable belt. Sting attacks Devon before the opening bell, hitting some chops to the chest. Apparently, this is the first in a 3-match series tonight to determine who will have the advantage in the Lethal Lockdown match. Devon comes off the ropes with a spear. Rights by Devon, and he backs Sting into the corner, punching him down to the mat. Clothesline by Devon gets 2. Neck vice is applied by Devon, but Sting fights out. Devon rakes the eyes, then hits a neckbreaker for 2. Devon chokes Sting over the middle rope, then hits a bodyslam before mounting the middle rope. Devon misses a headbutt, and now Sting comes back with a pair of clotheslines and a slo-mo Stinger Splash. Sting clotheslines Devon to the floor and follows out, where he rams Devon into the guardrail a couple of times. He slams Devon into the steps, then back to the guardrail and the apron. Someone from the crowd throws something in Sting’s face and flees. Devon shoves Sting into the ring post and splits him open in the process. Back in the ring, Devon hits a big boot and gets the 3.

WINNER: Devon.

AI asks Velvet Sky how it feels to be KO Champion again. Gail Kim interrupts her as she gushes, saying she should split the belt with Taryn Terrell. Kim says she’s beaten Sky before and is undefeated at Lockdown. Sky slaps her in the face and walks off.

We see Bruce Prichard and Al Snow talking about Gut Check. Prichard informs Snow that Hulk Hogan has pulled Taz from being a Gut Check judge, and his replacement is “Nightmare” Danny Davis. Prichard notes that Davis trained John Cena without saying his name. Davis talks about Ivelisse, saying she’s gorgeous and a great fighter. Snow moves onto Lei’D Tapa, saying she has size, charisma and presence, plus is 2nd generation. Prichard says Tapa looked uncomfortable, and both Davis & Snow agree on that.

We now see the judges with the contestants in the back. Prichard calls this the toughest Gut Check they’ve ever had to decide on. Only one of them gets a contract, and he said it was tough, but they have to do it, and the decision is that Lei’D Tapa gets the chance tonight while Ivelisse Valez gets sent home. Wow. Didn’t see that coming. Then again, Prichard’s a dumbass, so I shouldn’t be too surprised.

MATCH 3-6-Person Tag Team Match: Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez and Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky vs. Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels & Kazarian) and Gail Kim
Hernandez and Kaz start the match with a lock-up. Hernandez shoves Kaz into the corner before going back to the lock-up. Hernandez backs Kaz into the corner, and Kaz thumbs him in the eye before throwing him to the heel corner. Daniels tags in and fires off some forearms. He goes for a bodyslam, but Hernandez easily reverses into his own. Chavo tags and hits a seated dropkick off a Hernandez snapmare. Hernandez back in, who hits a bearhug suplex. He goes for the delayed vertical suplex, but Kaz runs interference. Hernandez ducks a double clothesline and hits one of his own. Chavo back in, and he dropkicks Daniels off a slingshot and follows up with a hilo. Chavo hits a European uppercut, nearly falling on his face in the process, then hits a spinning headscissors. Rights by Chavo, and Kim trips him off the ropes. Daniels boots Chavo down, then gets tripped by Sky. Chavo now fires off rights in the corner before getting hit by an apron clothesline from Kaz. Daniels chokes Chavo over the middle rope as Kaz tags in. Kaz hits a flipping neckbreaker, getting 2. Daniels back in, and he stomps Chavo down in the corner. Kim and Kaz take turns choking him behind Taryn Terrell’s back. Chavo fights out of the corner, but Daniels punches him before tagging in Kaz, and Bad Influence hits the slingshot elbow/leg combo for 2. Kaz applies a rear chinlock, but Chavo fights out before running into a dropkick. Daniels makes the fake tag, dropping an elbow for 2 before going back to the rear chinlock. Chavo fights out once more, but is clubbed down by Daniels. Daniels knocks Hernandez off the apron, and turns around into a dropkick. The knockouts tag in, and Sky hits a pair of clotheslines, followed by a spinning headscissors. Spear by Sky gets 2 as Daniels breaks it up. Sky slaps him, but Daniels blocks a second one, getting hit with a Pounce by Hernandez in the process. Hernandez turns around into a seated missile dropkick by Kaz. Chavo backdrops Kaz to the floor and heads outside, where Daniels hits a springboard moonsault, missing Chavo and hitting his partner. Hernandez follows up with Supermex. Back in the ring, Kim hits Eat Defeat for the 3.

WINNERS: Bad Influence and Gail Kim.

In the back, Sting is throwing a fit, hitting a chair with a bat as he’s surrounded by his partners. He screams about not trusting anyone, and wants to know if they can trust each other. Joe says he can trust him, and Magnus takes offense to that before saying sometimes he doesn’t even trust himself. Tonight, he shows everyone just who he is.

Up next, we get another AJ Styles update. Wonderful.

This time, we see a cameraman in a car pull up to some house where AJ Styles is hanging out. He grabs the driver and slams him into the side of his truck, tells him to leave and throws him in the driver’s seat before covering the camera lens with his hand.

MATCH 4-Garett Bischoff and DOC vs. Magnus and Samoa Joe
This is match #2 in the series tonight. A and E is up 1-0 right now. I miss Joe and Magnus as a team. They had surprisingly good chemistry despite just being thrown together. Joe starts the match by locking Garett in an arm wringer. Garett tries to reverse, so Joe immediately reverses the reversal. Garett tries to tag out, but Joe yanks him back to the middle of the ring. Joe beats Garett down in the corner until Garett rakes the eyes. Joe shakes it off and knocks Garett down before tagging in Magnus aggressively. Magnus gets a rake to the eyes by Garett, but also shakes it off and forearms Garett in the face. Garett rolls to the floor off an Irish whip, and Magnus follows, where DOC forearms him from behind. Back in the ring, Garett hits some double axe handles to the back. He fires off some rights, then chokes him over the top rope as the crowd chants, “You can’t wrestle”. At least I can agree with the Impact Zone on something for once. Garett grinds Magnus’ face across the top rope before tagging in DOC, who whips Garett in for an avalanche, then follows up with his own. DOC hits some body blows and a short-arm clothesline. Jumping splash to the back gets 2. DOC drops some elbows to the shoulder before applying a rear chinlock. We are informed AJ Styles will return next week. Magnus fights out with elbows, but runs into a goozle. He escapes the chokeslam, ducks a clothesline, then hits one at the same time DOC does. Joe and Garett tag in, and Joe hits an exploder suplex on Garett, and then double-teams DOC with Magnus, hitting a running senton for 2. Garett breaks up the pin before getting hit with a misdirection clothesline by Magnus. Magnus tags in, and Joe & Magnus hit the snapmare/flying elbow combo for 3.

WINNERS: Magnus and Samoa Joe, who tie the series at 1-1.

Kenny King is in the back, talking about how he is the main event and the star of the X-Division. RVD, you are legend, but King is a rising star. Bring it on, as it doesn’t matter to him. He’ll shut whoever down he has to face, and will do what he can to hold onto this belt.

We see Eric Young, ODB and James Storm talking in the back. Sting approaches and Young says he has to pick one of them for this last match. Young says he’s funny, but what A and E did to him was not funny. They tried to take what he loves, that being wrestling. Sting had a feeling about him, so put him in the match tonight so Young can show him he made the right choice. Sting says thanks, but he has to go with Storm. Well, that was pointless.

It’s Gut Check time, and the judges are in the ring. Lei’D Tapa makes her way out, and it’s decision time. JB asks if she showed her very best last week as the crowd dumps all over her. They dumped all over Prichard too, BTW. Tapa says that, last week, she came out and showed everyone what she is capable of doing. She didn’t win the match, but her character showed, and what she’s capable of in the future. Obviously, mic work isn’t on that list. Up first is Danny Davis. The crowd is saying “no”, but what they’re missing is what he’s seen. He sees a future in Tapa, and his answer is yes. Prichard is up next, and before he gets to his decision. He sends a shout-out to William Moody, who passed away a few days ago. That was a nice touch, I will say. Now, back to business, Prichard says she has a great look and a great pedigree, and being in a ring looks natural for her. Believe it or not, though, for the first time, the crowd agrees with Prichard, and the answer is no. Tapa has 30 seconds to convince Snow the answer should be yes. She says that, 2 years ago, she started in the business. Last week, she came out to show everyone what she’s capable of. She may have lost, but she knows what she can bring to the KO division. She can dominate and bring something great. Snow takes the mic and also gives a shout-out to “Uncle Paul”. He knows where Tapa comes from and can see her talent. She clearly invokes a reaction from the crowd, so his answer is yes. Lei’D Tapa is now a member of TNA.

Up next, Storm/Anderson in the final match of the series.

We see Robbie E in the back. He rambles on about “The Book of Bro”, then goes onto ramble about facing Rob Terry at Lockdown.

MATCH 5: Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm
Mike Tenay reminds us Anderson is a former 2-time World Champion. I think that was more to remind us that Anderson was once considered a main eventer and is now nowhere near that level, rather than as a way to list his accolades. Lock-up to start, and Storm applies a rear chinlock. Storm shoulders him off the ropes, blocks a hip toss and hits one of his own. Anderson thumbs him in the eyes out of the corner, then hits a clothesline. Anderson beats Storm down in the corner, then sends him hard into the adjacent corner for 2. Anderson with more punches and kicks before applying an arm wringer. Storm armdrags him off, but gets dropped with a clothesline for 1. Anderson goes back to the arm wringer and turns it into an armbar. Storm punches out, and now they’re trading rights. Storm hits a forearm off the ropes, followed by an inverted atomic drop and a bulldog. Anderson backdrops him to the floor, but Storm lands on his feet, hits a kick to the back of the head, then hits a running neckbreaker. Storm blocks a clothesline and counters a swinging neckbreaker into Closing Time. We see Aces and Eights come out through the crowd and form a line near the ring. Team TNA comes out and stands between the ring and the guardrail. In the ring, Anderson hits the Mic Check and gets the 3.

WINNER: Mr. Anderson. Aces and Eights now how have the man advantage in Lethal Lockdown. Because that really means much.

Buddy Ray and Brooke Hogan are heading out to the ring, as is Jeff Hardy.

Ray and Brooke make their way out for this face-to-face confrontation first. Hardy is next, and Ray tells him it’s three days until they’re locked inside of a steel cage. Word on the street is this will be the biggest TNA PPV of all time. Three days until Hardy and Ray do what they do best, and that’s making professional wrestling history. They’ve done it before and will do it again. The fact that Hardy holds the belt is a big deal, but the fact that he’s battled back from so many personal demons is a bigger deal. Ray speaks for every fan as well as himself when he says he’s proud of Hardy. Hardy takes the mic and lists off his challengers, but he’s remained the champion. He knows Ray will beat the hell out of him on Sunday. Will it be enough? Whatever happens at Lockdown, he wants Ray to know he’s proud of him, too, for everything he’s done. Ray takes the mic back and says he’s proud of himself and their history, but he can honestly say he’s not proud of himself. Huh? He’s never looked back and said he’s proud of himself. The only way he can do that is to beat Hardy. He’s not going over the top of the cage or through the door; he’s going to beat Hardy with his best move. When he beats Hardy for the belt and declares himself new champion is when he’ll be proud of himself.

Hulk Hogan’s music hits, and he comes out on crutches. He tells the audience this is as big as it gets right now. There are a lot of guys in the back who want the spots Ray and Hardy have right now, but they are the best of the best. At the end of the day, this small company became a good little company. Now, this little company is ready for a change and will go onto greatness. Everyone in the back and in the company is looking for the next leader to take the company into the future, and we’ll find that out this Sunday at Lockdown. Hardy, you’ve been a great champion since October. Ray, he believes in you and everyone loves him like a brother. At the end of the day, may the best man win, brother.

We see Aces and Eights return to the ring. Ray pushes Brooke aside as he, Hardy and Team TNA begin brawling with A and E.

End of show.

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TNA Impact Wrestling Results and February 28 Recap

March 03, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

Last week on Impact, Bully Ray was named the #1 contender for the World title, despite doing absolutely nothing the last few weeks to deserve a championship match. Because TNA.

We see Brooke Hogan and Buddy Ray walking into the building. AI asks for an update on Hulk Hogan, and Brooke says he’s better, and he’s resting at home. Ray basically says the exact same thing before he says that’s enough talking.

In the Impact Zone, Ray makes his way out alone. He points at Taz and calls him a coward before heading to the ring. Ray says that it’s cool to be back in the Impact Zone, but he’s also never been more pissed off in his life. Aces and Eights, for the past year, you’ve been running roughshod all over TNA. First, it was Hulk. Then it was Sting, Magnus, and just about everyone else. You ruined his wedding to Brooke. Last week should have been a huge week for TNA. We were all going to see the return of Hulk to the ring. But it didn’t happen, and that’s because of A and E. A and E, especially Devon, Ray swears to L. Ron Hubbard he is going to get his hands on you. He’s going to get his hands on you so bad (?) you’ll never want to step foot in a wrestling ring again. There is one other guy he wants to speak to, and that’s the one guy everyone here has been waiting to see for the past four weeks. He’s another guy A and E took out, and he’s the guy that he will be facing at Lockdown for the TNA World title. Ladies and gentlemen, the World Heavyweight Champion, Jeff Hardy.

Hardy comes out with both belt, because a champion needs two belts different belts that represent the same championship. Makes sense. Ray tells Hardy that, never in his wildest dreams, did he think he and Hardy would be standing across from one another, getting ready to wrestle for the most prestigious singles World title in pro wrestling. Everyone knows about their history. But he has to be completely honest, he doesn’t feel right about this. He doesn’t want to get a shot at the title just because he’s Hulk’s son-in-law. There are a lot of other guys who might have been better choices than him. Hulk set up all those matches. He said he’d make his decision based on who in those matches impressed him the most. It wasn’t Ray, and he’s not sure this is the way he wants to face Hardy. He’s not positive if he’s the right guy to face Hardy at Lockdown. Hardy says that, first of all, it’s great to be back in the Impact Zone. And he loves the fact that Hogan chose him. He would have done the same thing. They’ve swung a lot of chairs and climbed a lot of ladders. And they’ve broken a lot of tables. Now they take it to the cage for the World title. They’ve reinvented themselves, and now they’ll reinvent history. May the best man win.

As the two are shaking hands, Bad Influence interrupt things. Kaz tells Ray he shouldn’t feel good about this situation, and here’s why. He didn’t earn this title shot. He didn’t defeat anyone to get it. Your daddy-in-law gave him the shot, just like he gave Ray his daughter. He can’t blame Hogan for that, though. After all, somebody has to rub lotion on her back and tweet tasteless photos of her, so it may as well be Ray. Daniels tells him that the only person who deserve the Lockdown match less than Ray is Hardy. Last month, Daniels outwrestled him, and the only reason Hardy got his hand raised was because of the paint on his face, as Daniels had an allergic reaction to it, and Hardy knows it. Ray and Hardy are happy to wrestle at Lockdown because neither want a piece of real men like Bad Influence. If they’re done glad-handing, get out of the ring, because it’s time to allow the people to worship them. Ray rips the mic out of Daniels’ hand, drinks his martini or whatever it is, then spits it back in the cup. Oh, that’s nice. He tells Daniels that real men don’t drink appletinis, and the faces begin beating down the heels. Hardy and Ray end up sending both members over the top rope, which likely means we’ll get a tag team match later tonight. To confirm this, Ray grabs a mic and challenges them to a tag team match for later tonight.

We go to the announce desk, and Taz is no longer there as Todd Kenely and Mike Tenay discuss tonight’s episode. Tonight, we’ll also find out who will be on each side in Lethal Lockdown. Gut Check also returns, and two women will compete for a contract. Up next, Velvet Sky defends the Knockouts title against Tara.

We see Sting watching a monitor and looking at names on a list. Magnus is also in the room, and he says one of the names on Team TNA should be him. This company took a chance on a 22 year-old kid who was green as grass. He’s not that kid anymore. Sting has mentored him during that time, and that means the world to him. He wants to pay that back. He’s not just Team TNA; he’s Team Sting. Why him? Why the hell not?

Gail Kim is joining the announce desk for color commentary for this match.

MATCH 1-Knockouts Championship: Tara (w/Jesse) vs. Velvet Sky (Champion)
Tara immediately boots Sky before shouldering her in the corner. Hairmare by Tara for 2. She goes for the pin again, getting another 2. Sky blocks a corener charge, dodges a second one and hits a pair of clotheslines and a back elbow. Spinning headscissors off the ropes, and Jesse trips Sky as she starts to go to the corner. Sky ducks a clothesline and hits a spear for 2 as Jesse pulls her to the outside. Referee Taryn Terrell ejects him from ringside after seeing that as Tara kicks Sky in the back. Tara gets in Taryn’s face, and she turns around into In Yo Face by Sky for 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Velvet Sky. Tenay announces that Gail Kim now moves onto Lockdown against Sky for the title.

Austin Aries is in his locker room, on the phone with Bobby Roode. He asks where Roode is, as they have a big photo shoot. He mentions something about a 3-way tag match at Lockdown, and is interrupted by Chavo and Hernandez. Chavo tells him to be worried about his match tonight. Aries has said he can beat anyone, and Chavo challenges him to a match, but tonight, Aries is going one-on-one against Hernandez. God, Chavo sucks. It’s pretty pathetic when Hernandez has been cutting better promos than someone lately.

AI stops Kenny King asking where he goes from this point. King calls himself the X-Division, and he’s moving onto RVD next. He walks into RVD’s dressing room and wants RVD to admit King is better than him. RVD asks him how many times he has to beat him to prove he’s better. Tonight, King will get one more shot, and if he loses, he’s out of the division. King agrees to it.

Taz is back on commentary.

MATCH 2: World Tag Team Co-Champion Austin Aries vs. Hernandez
Hernandez backs Aries into the corner, and Aries slips through the ropes to get Hernandez off of him. Aries forearms him in the back before Hernandez boots him down. Crisscross ends with Hernandez blocking a hip toss, then hitting one of his own. Hernandez clotheslines him to the floor. Aries blocks Supermex then goes for a slingshot sunset flip. Hernandez pulls him up by his neck and hits a Pounce off the ropes. Aries blocks a corner attack and goes for a middle rope cross-body. Hernandez catches him and sets up a powerbomb, but Aries counters and sends Hernandez to the floor, where he is hit with a suicide dive. Aries goes to the top rope and hits a double axe handle to the back. Back in the ring, Aries hits a snapmare, stomps on the face and goes up top. He mocks Chavo and goes for a frog splash, but misses. Hernandez boots him out of the corner, backflips to outside and hits a slingshot battering ram. Warrior Press by Hernandez, and now he calls for the Border Toss. Aries escapes and hits a rolling elbow. Hernandez recovers quickly and knocks Aries to the floor with another Pounce. Aries decides he’s had enough and walks up the ramp, so Hernandez throws him back into the ring. Aries has the title belt in his hands and just gives it over to Hernandez. As the ref takes it from Hernandez, Aries pulls out a chain and clocks Hernandez with it. The ref turns around in time to count the 3.

WINNER: Austin Aries.

Sting and Joseph Park are in the back. Park is eating ribs, as he now knows what a rib is. Get it? Hilarious. Park then asks Sting to be a part of Lethal Lockdown. Sting says he’ll think about it before stopping Matt Morgan, who is walking by. Sting asks Morgan to join Team TNA at Lockdown to make a name for himself. Morgan says no because anyone who is associated with Hulk Hogan is guilty by association. Guess they’re still doing that storyline after all.

MATCH 3-World X-Division Championship: Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam (non-title)
King gets a jobber non-entrance. Normally, that would irritate me, but his entrance theme really sucks, so that’s fine. Lock-up to start, and King goes to a side headlock. King avoids a back body drop, but runs into a pair of hip throws. RVD goes to a side headlock himself before ducking a clothesline and hitting German suplex. Nearly folded himself in half on that one. As RVD is playing to the crowd, King knocks him to the floor. He misses a corkscrew plancha, and RVD nails a side kick from the apron. RVD sets King on the guardrail and goes to the apron for the spinning legdrop, which connects. Commercials.

Back from the break, RVD hits a jawbreaker, avoids a back body drop, but gets taken down. King hits a snap suplex and floats over into some mounted punches. King goes fro a pin, getting 2. RVD fights back from his knees until King cuts him off. Corner whip by King, but he runs into a boot. RVD hits a bodyscissors into a pin for 2, nails a couple of clotheslines and a thrust kick. Rolling monkey flip, but King lands on his feet before running into a spinning heel kick. RVD connects with Rolling Thunder, and he goes up top for the Five-Star Frog Splash, but decides to go with a 450 instead and misses. King goes for a pin, but only gets 2. King goes for the Royal Flush and hits it, getting 3.

WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Kenny King.

Sting is stopped in the back by Kurt Angle, and Angle wants to see the list of wrestlers for Lethal Lockdown. Angle is surprised by Sting’s choice of “him”, and Sting says he’s taking a chance, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Aces and Eights make their way out to the ring, and it’s the five unmasked members, minus Brisco. Devon asks Sting if he honestly believes he has a team that can take on A and E. You honestly think you have a team that can dominate this club? Sting, he doesn’t know what you’re thinking, but what he thinks is that you’re drinking the Kool-Aid Hogan has been dishing out all these years, not only to the idiots here, but all of them at home as well. He told you before that this is the team that will dominate TNA. This is the club that will dominate in 2013. This club right here-DOC, Knox, Anderson and Bischoff along with himself. All Sting is doing is giving a lot of empty dreams, broken necks and shattered dreams (?). Let him lay it to you like this: It’s going to be no different than BFG. The same thing that happened there will happen at Lockdown. The thing about that, Sting, is that you’re going to lead your team to the slaughter. Now you testify to that.

Speaking of Sting, he makes his way out onto the ramp. Devon wants him to testify? He will. His first teammate will get a killer response, and that’s because he is a killer, that being Samoa Joe. His next teammate is really sorry about their damn luck, and that’s James Storm. They inch closer to the ring as each guy is announced. Now, they are three. His next teammate is making his victorious return to the Impact Zone, and that’s Magnus. Now, they are four and just need one more, and their fifth is something new. He’s talking about someone who was put out by A and E. It will be showtime. Anderson keeps interrupting him, and Sting keeps saying it’s showtime. Eric Young hits the ring from behind, and now the two teams are brawling in the ring. Team TNA clears the ring.

Ivelisse Valez is introduced through a video package, as she is one of the Gut Check contestants tonight. If the name sounds familiar, she was on the last season of Tough Enough and is former NXT star Sofia Cortez. She talks about training in MMA, and sacrificing her relationship with her mother to pursue her wrestling career.

We see A and E storming out to the parking lot, and they’re upset about what just happened. We see Kurt Angle begin to follow them.

We are introduced to Lei’D Tapa, the other Gut Check contestant tonight. She is from Tonga, and is the real life niece of The Barbarian. We see her training with him, which is admittedly pretty cool. And he’s still physically a beast, BTW.

MATCH 3-Gut Check: Ivelisse Valez vs. Lei’D Tapa
I’m actually excited about a Gut Check match. Shocking, I know. Tapa is a big girl, and completely towers over Valez. Valez hits a forearm before she runs into a goozle. Tapa hoists her up, and Valez counters into an armdrag. Spinning back kick connects, and Valez applies a guillotine. Tapa manages to throw her off, catches her in a fireman’s carry, but Valez escapes and applies a rear naked choke. Tapa breaks free and gets hit with some kicks before dropping Valez drops her with a boot. Tapa connects with a clothesline, and actually has to crouch down a bit to do it. Bodyslam by Tapa, followed by a headbutt. Tapa sends Valez hard into the corner, then sends her into the opposite one. Valez avoids a charge and hits a DDT. More strikes by Valez, followed by a hurricanrana off the ropes. Tapa rebounds and hits a Samoan drop for 2. Valez quickly grabs her in the guillotine as Tapa is arguing with Taryn Terrell, and Tapa eventually taps.

WINNER: Ivelisse Valez. A little rougher than I was expecting, but far from the worst Gut Check match they’ve ever done. I’m betting Valez gets a contract next week. Tapa looked alright, but her inexperience (only 2 years) definitely showed.

Austin Aries enters Jeff Hardy’s locker room and makes fun of Hardy doing squats. He says he knows he has a big match tonight and one at Lockdown, and he’s pulling for Hardy. Here’s why. Right now, Ray is the “golden child”. When Aries faced Hardy, that was Hardy’s position. Doesn’t feel very good, does it? He hopes Hardy retains the title, and just wanted to tell him that.

AJ Styles update time. We get an interview with his wife Wendy, and she talks about his life. We also get some comments from a friend of his named Jay, and the whole thing is overly dramatic in the same vein as the interviews with Bobby Roode’s family/friends back when he turned heel. We see AJ enter his house to overly dramatic music, and he’s done up to look strung out, like he’s been doing some binge drinking for the past few weeks. He gets mad when he sees the camera crew and speeds off on his motorcycle.

We get a video package for the storyline involving The Robbies. Apparently, TNA thinks enough people give a damn about this potential feud. I’d like to know who these people are and hit them.

Back to the Impact Zone, Robbie E is in the ring. He says that, sometimes in life, a bro has to admit when there’s a bigger bro, and there’s a better bro. And Robbie E has come to that realization. So, Bigger Rob…er, Rob Terry, please come to the ring, bro. Terry comes down to the ring, and E says this has gotten way out of hand, bro. Slapping him in the face last week was E crossing the line. He risked them being bros, but more importantly, he risked their friendship, bro. Them being friends the past 2 years has meant the world to him, and tonight, he’ll show Terry, bro. He’s not going to be jealous anymore, and Terry is the better bro, bro. And he’s going to let Terry prove it. For old times sake, how about one more bro-off? Terry agrees, and E goes first. He then tells Terry he’s the bro-off champion, so for once, he realizes it’s Terry who deserves the spotlight. He’s going to leave the ring so Terry can give the people what they want, bro. Terry does the stupid dancing bit now, and as you would expect, E cracks him over the head with a framed poster. E holds his fist in the air, and Terry has no-sold the shot, getting up while E has his back turned. He pulls the poster off, and E falls out of the ring.

Buddy Ray is warming up in the back with dumbbells, and Aries correctly points out he’s doing it wrong. Aries then basically gives him the same speech he gave Hardy. Ray cuts him off and says it won’t work. He compliments Aries about how good he is, then tells him to get used to wearing a tag title, because that’s as close to a championship as he’s going to get.

We see Kurt Angle still outside, and he enters what appears to be the A and E clubhouse. The cameraman doesn’t follow him in.

MATCH 4: Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) vs. Bully Ray and World Champion Jeff Hardy
Daniels and Ray start the match with a lock-up. Daniels hits a kneelift and a chop to the chest. Ray rebounds with a clothesline, then hits some headbutts to the chest. Open-hand chop by Ray, and he throws Daniels back to the corner for another one. Back body drop to the incoming Kaz, and Daniels hits a forearm. Kaz tags in, and Bad Influence hits a double suplex. Ray gets back up and hits a double clothesline. Double punches, followed by a double Flip, Flop & Fly. Hardy comes in to clothesline Daniels to the floor, and Ray hits a back suplex on Kaz. Commercials.

We’re back, and Hardy is now legal for his team. He whips Kaz into the ring from the apron, and the faces hit Poetry in Motion. Daniels runs into his own partner, and they go for Poetry again. Kaz trips Hardy, and Daniels sends Ray to the floor. Apparently, Daniels is now legal somehow, and he sends Hardy into the corner before stomping him down. Kaz tags in, Daniels hits a clothesline and hip tosses Kaz onto Hardy for 2. Kaz applies a double chicken wing, and Hardy fights out before being sent back to the heel corner. Daniels tags in, and Bad Influence hits a sidewalk slam/springboard legdrop combo. Daniels goes for the pin, getting 2 as Kaz knocks Ray off the apron. Hardy blocks a corner charge and hits Botch in the Wind. Ray tags in, hits a couple clotheslines and a back body drop. Hip toss for Kaz, followed by a clothesline. Uranage for Daniels gets 2. Kaz goes to the top, and Ray press slams him off. Sidewalk slam on Daniels for 2 as Kaz breaks it up. Ray sends Kaz to the floor before tagging in Hardy. Bodyslam by Ray and Hardy goes up top for the swanton. Kaz knocks him to the apron, then hotshots Ray. Daniels hits an enziguri on Ray and an STO on Hardy for 2. Kaz with some mounted punches on Ray in the corner, but Ray shoves him off and hits a mafia kick. He hoists Daniels on his shoulders, and Hardy goes up top. Ray hits an electric chair, and Hardy connects with the swanton bomb for 3.

WINNERS: Bully Ray and Jeff Hardy. That match was a clusterf*ck.

We’re back to Kurt Angle, and he’s in the clubhouse. He beats down Mr. Anderson, then takes a pipe to Devon before brawling with The Black Scorpion. Angle grabs him by the mask and cracks him over the head with what looked like a lamp. Angle takes the mask off and begins screaming, “How could you?” as the camera is angled so we can’t see BS’ face? As Angle is looking shocked, the rest of the unmasked members attack from behind and beat him down.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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TNA Impact Wrestling Results and February 21 Recap

February 24, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

This week’s TNA Impact Wrestling is once again in London, and tonight, we get an X-Division title match, as well as 4-way for the Knockouts Championship.

Big surprise, Hulk Hogan opens the show. He’s had some tough choices to make, and it was good to have everyone in the building involved in his choice, but things didn’t pan out they way he thought they would. When he was in the decision-making process and had the #1 contender dialed in, brothers, Aces and Eights stuck their nose in TNA business once again. But, out of everything bad comes something really good, and it gave him a week to think of a #1 contender. After one long week of thinking who the man should be to take on Jeff Hardy, he decided that man stood out above everyone else and rose to the occasion and he’s the only man for the job, so now he gives us the #1 contender…Buddy Ray.

Buddy Ray comes out, and he’s pretending to be shocked. So much for all of those matches last week, huh? Ray comes out stuttering. He is in shock right now, and reminds Hogan he’s hurt, partially tearing his quad in the tables match a couple weeks ago. Hogan calls him the toughest SOB in the company. Ray reminds us of everyone who was fighting last week, saying they deserve it more than he does. All he’s ever wanted was Hogan’s respect, and the greatest day of his life was when he married Brooke. He wants to make the Hogan family happy, and he wants to become the World Champion. But Hulk, we have bigger business right now. This is just a suggestion-tonight, in the main event, a six-man tag team match. One side, three members of A and E. On the other, Buddy Ray, Sting, and let’s see…we need one more guy. You know something, Hulk, he thinks that guy should be Hulk. Of course he does. I love watching cripples wrestle. Ray calls him dad, and Hogan agrees, brother.

We see Bobby Roode and Austin Aries complaining about Chavo and Hernandez last week. Eventually, they’re interrupted by Bad Influence. Daniels gives them a bunch of two-faced compliments before saying they have an 8-man tag match tonight, telling Aries and Roode to follow their lead tonight. Aries and Roode then argue a little bit more.

MATCH 1: Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels & Kazarian), and World Tag Team Champions Austin Aries & Bobby Roode vs. Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Joseph Park and James Storm
I love hearing London sh*t all over Chavo and Hernandez. Daniels and Storm start the match with a Storm uppercut. Daniels applies a side headlock and shoulders Storm down off the ropes. Crisscross ends in a back body drop by Storm. Storm clotheslines him to the floor, and Kaz attacks from behind, throwing Storm out. Hernandez comes in, and now there’s a brawl between both teams. The faces dominate, throwing the heels to the floor. Commercials.

We’re back, and Chavo and Kaz are legal. Chavo hits a spinning headscissors before tagging in Park. Park hits a forearm in the corner, but gets thumbed in the eye. Kaz ducks a clothesline, but Park blocks a cross-body. Daniels chopblocks Park, and Kaz shoves him into the heel corner. Kaz fires off some punches before tagging in Aries. Roode also comes in, and they kick Park in the corner before going for a double suplex. Park blocks it, and now the champs are arguing. Daniels tags himself in and throws Park into the corner for some strikes. Daniels stomps Park down before tagging in Kaz. They hit the slingshot elbow/legdrop combo before Kaz tags Daniels back in. Daniels applies a neck vice and uses a foot choke for 4. Punches to the head by Daniels, and Park fights back. Aries tags himself in, then Roode does the same. Kaz then tags himself in, and now the heels are arguing. Bad Influence get hit with a double clothesline, and now Park is crawling to the corner for a tag. Aries and Roode decide they’re done with the match and avoid a tag, walking away. Storm tags in for the hot tag offense. He hits a forearm on Kaz and a neckbreaker on Daniels. Backcracker on Kaz, and Closing Time on Daniels. Hernandez tags in and hits a Pounce on Daniels. Chavo hits a frog splash on Daniels and a tilt-a-whirl on Kaz. Storm hits the Last Call on Kaz before tagging in Park. He mounts the middle rope and hits a big splash. For whatever reason, Chavo makes the cover and gets the 3.

WINNERS: Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Joseph Park and James Storm.

We find out that the Ray/Hardy match at Lockdown will be a cage match. Big surprise, considering that’s the whole damn point of the PPV.

Another video for Rockstar Spud, who is still a douche.

MATCH 2: Robbie E (w/Robbie T) vs. Rockstar Spud
Spud backs E to the corner, where E boots him down. Back elbow by E, followed by a stomp. Spud hits a dropkick, but runs into a boot in the corner. E mounts the middle buckle for a diving forearm, which connects. He pie-faces Spud, and Spud fights back with strikes. E drops him with a kneelift, then corner whips him. E misses an avalanche and runs into a pair of clotheslines, followed by a tilt-a-whirl DDT. Spud goes up top, but he misses a guillotine legdrop. E grabs his clipboard, but T won’t give it up. E turns around and Spud turns a bodyscissors into a victory roll for the 3.

WINNER: Rockstar Spud. After the match, E gets in T’s face and begins poking him in the chest. E slaps him after a brow-beating, so T throws the clipboard down, takes his shirt off, and backs off, heading back up the ramp. T leaves the ring and begins stalking E up the ramp.

The Knockouts title match is up next. We see Tara with Jesse heading towards the ring.

MATCH 3-4-Way Elimination Match for the Knockouts Championship: Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara (w/Jesse; Champion)
Brooke Hogan is going to watch the match from ringside. Jesse has been ejected from ringside, and it looks like all four are legal at all times. Tessy with a victory roll on Kim for 2. Tara rolls up Tessy for 2, then Sky does the same on Tara. Tessy goes for the victory roll on Tara, but Tara electric chairs her, sending her to the floor. The heels pair off on Sky, beating her down. Sky fights out with strikes, but not for long. Double corner whip, and an avalanche by Tara. Kim hits a corner body attack, and Tara hits the Spider’s Web for 2. Kim breaks it up for whatever reason, and now the heels argue. Kim shoves Tara, and now they trade forearms and chops. Tara gets the best of it and hits a back body drop. Tara misses a corner attack when Kim slides to the apron. Tessy resurfaces and pulls Kim down to the floor. Kim grabs her by the hair and goes to crotch her on the ring post, but Tessy blocks it and turns it into a bulldog on the floor. In the ring, Sky fights Tara off with punches, and Tessy comes into to join her. Sky hits a clothesline on Tara, and Tessy does the same. Tara rolls to the apron, where she hotshots Sky. Tessy whips Tara back in, but gets tripped into the bottom rope. Tara hits a bodyslam near the corner and goes up for a moonsault, which connects. Sky comes back in and hits In Yo Face on Tara. Kim attacks Sky before she can make the pin, throws Sky out and gets the pin on Tara.

Tara is eliminated, and we’re guaranteed a new champion tonight. Tessy hits some clotheslines and a forearm on Kim, then hits Tessticular Cancer. Tessy goes up top, but Kim stops her and climbs up for a superplex. Sky comes in and the three do the Tower of Doom spot. Sky goes for the pin on Kim, getting 2. She goes for one on Tessy as well, getting another 2. Sky goes for In Yo Face on Kim, but Tessy goes for a roll-up. Sky rolls through and gets the pin. Miss Tessmacher is eliminated.

Kim attacks Sky from behind before corner whipping her. Sky blocks the charge, hits a couple clotheslines and a spinning headscissors. Kim comes back with a dropkick and rolls Sky up with the ropes for 2. Taryn Terrell sees the rope assist and refuses to count three. Kim argues with her before turning back to Sky, shouldering her in the corner. Sky counters a corner charge with a roll-up, but Kim holds onto the ropes. Terrell shoves her off for refusing a rope break, and Sky hits In Yo Face for 3.

WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Velvet Sky.

We’re in Hogan’s office, and he’s with Sting. He asks Sting to watch his back tonight. Hogan tells Sting he’ll be there for him when he leaves. Sting walks into his own locker room, where Buddy Ray is standing. Sting says everything is locked and loaded, and he’s happy to be tagging with both of them.

Video package for AJ Styles. Mike Tenay informs us that the cameras are being sent to Gainsville, GA to get the fans up-to-date with AJ, and that footage will air next week.

Video package for the Angle/Joe vs. Tomax/Xamot feud.

MATCH 4: Garett Bischoff vs. Samoa Joe
Joe backs Garett into the corner, where Garett immediately goes for the ropes. Garett ducks a boot and a clothesline before diving to the floor. Joe follows, so Garett rolls back into the ring to hit some double axe handles. Joe fights back with chops until Garett thumbs him in the eye and chopblocks him. Garett stomps Joe down before applying a legbar. Garett strikes Joe in the corner until Joe comes back with rights. Garett kicks him in the knee and hits a clothesline. Garett breaks a choke at 4, then goes back to the knee with kicks. Joe comes back with headbutts, so Garett rakes the eyes and hits a flying shoulderblock for 1. Garett applies a rear chinlock, and Joe fights out. Garett goes to the eyes again before running into a back elbow. Clothesline by Joe, followed by another, an inverted atomic drop, a running boot and a running senton. Joe goes for the Face Wash in the corner, which connects. He calls for the Muscle Buster, setting Garett up in the corner. Joe hits a chop first, then decides to yank Garett down instead as Wes Brisco hits the ring.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Samoa Joe. He takes Wes down with a headbutt before Garett chopblocks him once more. Garett and Wes are now beating Joe down when Kurt Angle runs down to the ring. Garett and Wes bail and jump over the guardrail. Angle says he didn’t forget about them. He got Wes his contract, and he’s glad he did, because the pain he’s going to inflict is going to be 100% legal. At Lockdown, it will be Wes vs. Angle in a steel cage. It’s real. It’s damn real.

UP next, RVD defends his title against Kenny King. Again.

MATCH 5-World X-Division Championship: Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam (Champion)
Can someone explain why King comes out to an entrance theme that’s a combination of country and techno? King attacks from behind, knocking RVD to the floor. Outside, King stomps RVD down before ramming him back-first into the ring post and hitting a bodyslam on the floor. King breaks the count, then continues the attack on RVD, choking him over the barricade. Back in the ring, King goes for the pin, getting 2. Another bodyslam by King, but he misses a springboard legdrop. RVD hits a jumping roundhouse, shoulder thrusts in the corner, and some forearms to the face. King reverses a corner whip, but RVD blocks the charge. He goes for a jumping kick, but King whips him back to the mat. King mocks RVD before going for the pin, getting 1. Jumping roundhouse by King connects for 2. King applies a rear chinlock and whips RVD down as he tries to fight out. King goes for another pin, getting 2. King hits a float-over suplex into some mounted punches for 2. RVD hits a quick kick to the head, but King rakes the eyes, staying in control. He applies a modified abdominal stretch, and RVD fights out. King forearms him in the back, then sends him into the corner. RVD counters the charge with a spinning heel kick, then hits several strikes before throwing King into the corner. He throws him into the opposite corner before hitting a high kick to the face. Clotheslines by RVD, followed by a thrust kick. Rolling monkey flip out of the corner, but King lands on his feet and hits a running knee strike. King goes for the Royal Flush, but instead throws him face-first in a sloppy-looking spot for 2. Back up, King misses a knee strike in the corner, and RVD capitalizes with a springboard thrust kick and Rolling Thunder. Up top, RVD hits the Five-Star Frog Splash for the 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Rob Van Dam.

We see Brooke and Hulk Hogan walking around in the back. Hogan says he’s had enough, and he needs to do this for himself and their family tonight. Brooke tells him, “Have fun!” Yes, that’s what she really said.

We get a video for Ray/Hardy. Funny how Hardy already has comments about Ray being the new #1 contender. It’s as if this was all pre-recorded. But that couldn’t be, right? RIGHT?!

MATCH 6-Mr. Anderson, World Television Champion Devon and DOC vs. Sting, Bully Ray and Hulk Hogan
God, I hope this is short. Hogan’s music hits, but he doesn’t show. His music hits again, but he no-shows once more as A and E attack Ray and Sting. Guess this will be 3-on-2 for the moment, as the bell has rang. DOC beats down Sting as the other two pair up against Ray. Ray comes back with a double clothesline on Devon and Anderson, and he’s limping around. Sting hits a Stinger Splash on DOC, and Ray drops him with a clothesline. Commercials.

We’re back, and Anderson & Ray are legal. Anderson is beating Ray down, and he tags in DOC. DOC hits some forearms to the chest over the top rope, then hits a boot to the face for 1. DOC fishhooks the mouth, then hits a knee to the face. Devon tags in, and he tees off on Ray. Ray fights back, but Devon knocks him down and connects with an elbow. Anderson comes in illegally behind the ref’s back, and Ray fights out of the corner. Anderson tackles him back and tags in DOC, who hits some rights to the face. Devon back in, who hits a snapmare and applies a rear chinlock. Ray counters with a back suplex, but Devon stops him from making a tag. Anderson tags in and drops an elbow on Ray before hitting some rights. He chokes Devon behind the ref’s back as DOC tags himself in. DOC beats Ray down in the corner, but Ray comes back with some shots. He hits some chops to the chest and some rights until DOC connects with a kneelift and tags in Devon. Devon goes to the ropes, but runs into a spear. Sting tags in, and he attacks all three heels with chops and kicks. He ducks a DOC clothesline, and DOC connects on Devon. Scorpion Death Drop on DOC, and Anderson breaks up the pin. Bodyslam on Anderson, and he tells Ray it’s time for Wassup?! We see Tomax and Xamot haul Hogan out onto the ramp, and Hogan appears to be beaten up. We also see Mike Knox and Black Scorpion bring Brooke out. Ray chases them off, leaving Sting alone. Sting goes for the Scorpion Deathlock on Anderson, but DOC nails him with a mafia kick and gets the 3.

WINNERS: Mr. Anderson, Devon and DOC. Brooke and Ray are checking on Hogan on the ramp as A and E triple-team Sting in the ring. BS, Knox, Tomax and Xamot join them in the ring, standing triumphant.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

WWE: Elimination Chamber 2013

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TNA Impact Wrestling Results and February 14 Recap

February 16, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

This week, TNA Impact Wrestling is “live” from London, and as you would expect, Hulk Hogan is opening the show. Mike Tenay has Wembley Arena confused with Wembley Stadium, so the night is already off to a great start. Hogan panders to the fans for a moment. He heard noise when he slammed giants and won titles, but this sounds pretty damn sweet, brother. Since we’re on fire in London, he’s got a couple big things going down right now. First off, the fate of the TNA title hangs in the balance at Lockdown. Back there, there’s so much talent, and he finally found eight guys that rose right to the top. Tonight, we’re going to have four matches to find out who he picks to be the #1 contender at Lockdown: RVD vs. James Storm, Christopher Daniels vs. Magnus, “The Human Cyborg” (Really, Hogan? Are you this stupid?) Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe, and just to make sure his feet fly off the ground, the last match will feature two former champions as Bobby Roode faces Austin Aries. At the end of the night, he’ll come back out here, jack, and he’ll pick the #1 contender to face Hardy. The other business at hand is the business of Aces and Eights. A and E called out the whole roster, and they want a war to end all wars at Lockdown. So, Hogan thought about it for half a second, made a phone call to a brother from another mother, and he made him team captain. That man will speak for himself now, and that’s, “the greatest wrestler of all time”…Sting. Thought Hogan would name himself after that claim. Regardless, I disagree with that title being placed on Sting.

Sting makes his way out, and he says it’s showtime in London. The fans here in London are not just some of the best in the UK, but some of the best in the world. Now, those scumbags in A and E made their challenge, and Sting accepts. He’s going to do the same thing Hogan is doing-look up and down the roster and find himself three killers to be on his team at Lockdown. He promises they will tear some heads off at Lockdown and put an end to A and E. Sting then spouts off Hogan’s catchphrase, because Hogan’s ego hasn’t been stroked yet tonight.

MATCH 1: Christopher Daniels (w/Kazarian) vs. Magnus
Despite Hogan’s pandering of Magnus earlier (since they’re in the UK), he will not be seriously considered for a title match. Same with Daniels. Too bad, because Magnus could really be a major star if TNA pushed him right. He’s young, has a good look, has improved dramatically in the ring since his debut a few years ago, and his mic skills are light years beyond where they should be, given his relative inexperience. He reminds me a lot of Wade Barrett in that regard. Daniels starts with an arm wringer. Magnus counters, and Daniels counters with a side headlock. Magnus breaks free and lands a shoulderblock off the ropes. Daniels backs him into the corner, but Magnus fires off some rights. Powerslam into a suplex by Magnus, then he throws Daniels to a corner. Kaz hotshots him as the ref is distracted, and Daniels connects with an STO. Nightmare on Helms Street gets 2. Daniels applies a neck vice. Magnus fights out, and Kaz trips him. Daniels connects with a clothesline to the back of the neck for 2. Magnus fights back with rights, but Daniels hits a uranage. He goes for the BME, but Magnus moves. Daniels lands on his feet, and Magnus hits a running boot. Kaz jumps on the apron, and he gets an uppercut. The ref ejects him shortly thereafter, and as Daniels goes onto the ramp to argue with the ref, Magnus back body drops him back into the ring. Magnus hits a pair of clotheslines before missing the misdirection version. Daniels goes to roll him up, but Magnus blocks and hits the misdirection clothesline. He calls for the Michinoku Driver #2, which connects. Up top, the flying elbow connects for 3.

WINNER: Magnus. The elbow needs work, but to be fair, Daniels was out of position.

We see Brooke Hogan and Buddy Ray in a dressing room. Ray is beating himself up, saying things weren’t supposed to go down the way they did. An injury wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did. He wanted to marry Brooke and win the title, but the second one hasn’t happened, and it will now have to wait. After Brooke apologizes, Ray says he won’t let this ruin their time together on Valentine’s Day, so they’re going to buy her the shoes she wanted, then go to the restaurant she likes, then they’re going dancing. She gives him guff about taking on his wedding ring.

Joe/Angle is next.

Magnus is in the back, and he says he’s a pup compared to some of these guys. Since he was 19, this has been his only occupation. That was taken away from him by A and E and a hammer. When your dream is taken from you and you realize how badly you need it, you use that to fuel you, and he has more fuel in his tank than anyone else in this business. A world-class athlete just proved to the world he has what it takes to be champion.

MATCH 2: Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle
We get some prerecorded comments from Angle about wrestling being eliminated from the Olympics, claiming that he will work with TNA to get the sport put back. I guess he doesn’t realize that the Olympic committee isn’t going to care what a sports entertainment company thinks of them. I personally have no opinion on this at all, as I don’t follow the Olympics in any conceivable way. Keep it or don’t, I really don’t care. Joe starts with a side headlock before shouldering Angle down, knocking him to the floor. Angle gets back in and fires off some shots, and Joe reciprocates. Running hip bump and spin kick in the corner by Joe. Snapmare by Joe, followed by a chop to the back and a kick to the chest. Jumping knee connects for 2. Joe with a European uppercut, but Angle counters with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Angle begins attacking the left knee of Joe, then foot chokes him in the corner. Suplex by Angle gets 2. Snapmare by Angle, and now he applies a rear chinlock. Joe fights out, but Angle drops him with a back elbow. Commercials.

We’re back, and Joe is fighting out of a front chancery. Angle ducks a clothesline and goes for the Murder-Suicide, but Joe blocks it. Angle comes back with some shots until Joe forearms him in the face. Joe blocks an Irish whip and sends Angle to the floor. Joe hits him with a suicide dive, and now both men are down. Angle rolls back in, and Joe follows. He hits Angle with an inverted atomic drop, running boot and running senton for 2. Angle escapes a powerbomb and hits the Murder-Suicide. Joe avoids the Angle Slam and hits the ST-Joe out of the corner. He calls for the Muscle Buster, but Angle avoids it and hits a dropkick from the middle rope. Angle Slam connects, and Joe no-sells it before applying the Kokina Clutch. Angle rams him back-first into the buckles to break it, and applies the ankle lock. Joe rolls through after a minute, and the two simultaneously hit clotheslines. As Angle gets back up, Tomax and Xamot come in, causing the double DQ.

WINNER: No contest. Brisco and Garett continue their beatdown until Angle and Joe fight back. The heels bail before it goes on too much longer.

We see Dixie Carter in the back with the three losers from British Boot Camp. She says that, although Rockstar Spud won, this audience is crazy. Tonight is their first opportunity to be seen on Impact, so they need to show the world what this country saw on this show. Yeah, I don’t know either.

MATCH 3-6-Person Tag Team Match: The Blossom Twins (Hannah and Holly) and Party Marty vs. Gail Kim, Jesse and Knockouts Champion Tara
Marty and Jesse start the match, and Jesse drops Marty with a kneelift. Shoulderblock by Jesse. Marty comes back with a snapmare and a kick to the back. Marty slaps Jesse, and Jesse comes back with strikes. Marty connects with a sloppy springboard moonsault for 2. Commercials.

We’re back, and Jesse tags Tara in. One of the Blossom Twins tags in. The announcers don’t mention their individual names at all, so I’ll just call this one Hannah. Hannah hits an armdrag, and a dropkick gets 2. The announcers finally mention the Twins’ names as Holly tags in. The twins hit a double sidewalk slam. Tara tags out to Kim, who gets hit with rights by Holly. Holly hits a back elbow from the middle rope for 2. Kim beats her down, but Holly blocks a bodyslam and goes for the pin. Taryn Terrell is distracted by Jesse, so she can’t count it. Tara kicks her in the back, and Kim connects with a clothesline. Tara tags in and hits a hairmare. Kim tags back in and hits a backbreaker for 2. Kim hits the corner body attack for another 2. Tara back in now and she gets 2 off a forearm shot. Tara hangs her by the hair, hits a bodyslam and goes for the standing moonsault. Holly blocks with her knees, and she crawls to the corner to tag in Hannah as Kim tags in on the other side. Hannah fires off some rights, a pair of clotheslines and then sends Kim hard into the buckles. Tara comes in, and gets a big boot for her troubles. The twins double flapjack Kim onto Tara before Hannah drops Holly into a reverse electric chair onto Kim. Hannah gets 2 as Tara breaks up the pin. Holly boots Tara to the floor, and Jesse comes in to flex. Marty comes in with a seated dropkick from the top rope, and he botches the living hell out of a suicide dive. In the ring, Kim connects with Eat Defeat for 3.

WINNERS: Jesse, Gail Kim and Tara. On the replay, we see that Marty came head-first right onto one of the support beams for the barricade. Not good, Bruno. Kim gets on the mic and calls herself the most dominant Knockout in the company. And Taryn, thank you very much for not being your incompetent, blonde, bimbo self and doing your job right for once. And Tara, you have something she wants. She wants the KO title back, and she happens to know that Ms. Hogan has arranged for her to defend the belt next week, so Ms. Hogan, why don’t you make everyone’s life easier and come out here to give Kim what she deserves.

Brooke Hogan heads out and says she hears Kim’s plea and knows she wants a shot at the title. She’s going to grant it, but that’s not all. She’ll wrestle Tara, as well as Miss Tessmacher in a 3-way. Tessy comes out, and Brooke says she’s not done yet. These three will also be wrestling, making the match a 4-way. Sky joins Tessy on the ramp. Brooke says the match will be an elimination match, and just to make sure no shenanigans go on, Brooke will be at ringside watching.

MATCH 4-World X-Division Champion Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm (non-title)
I missed the first part of this match, as the feed I had for it on YouTube started the match right in the middle. RVD hits a monkey flip and a roundhouse in the corner. Jumping side kick, and Rolling Thunder gets 2. Front powerslam near the corner, and RVD goes for the split-legged moonsault, which connects for 2. They now trade rights, and Storm comes off the ropes with a DDT for 2. They trade more rights, Storm ducks a roundhouse and hits an uppercut. Out of the corner, he hits the Alabama Slam for 2. RVD blocks the backcracker, but doesn’t block Closing Time. Storm signals for the Last Call, but RVD blocks and hits a spinning heel kick. RVD goes up top for the Five-Star, but Storm knocks him to the apron. RVD blocks a ram to the buckle with a high kick and goes for the Van Terminator, but misses. Storm hits the Last Call and gets the 3.

WINNER: James Storm.

Joseph Park enters Hogan’s office, where Hogan and Brooke are talking. Park says he knows Hogan is looking for an opponent for Hardy for Lockdown, and some of the boys have been telling Park that, if he wants to get anywhere in this business, he has to learn how to politic. Hogan tells him he doesn’t have to do that. Park is confused about what politicking is, and Hogan tells him he needs to ask the boys what a rib is.

We see Brooke putting makeup on after the commercials, and she’s talking to her dad about Buddy Ray. Hogan says he has to keep an open mind, as he’s got eight other guys who want a title match. Brooke tells him Ray got into the business because of Hogan and wants to be just like him. She tells him to soften up. Hogan says he’d love to have a son-in-law as champion, but he has to remain objective. He will definitely take Ray as a contender under advisement.

MATCH 5: World Tag Team Co-Champion Bobby Roode vs. World Tag Team Co-Champion Austin Aries
Before the match, Roode tells Hogan that it’s taken him a week to screw with their plan. Last week was just the beginning, becoming the new tag champs. They intend on winning all the gold in TNA and finally bring some prestige and honor, finally bringing back honor and prestige to them. Aries calls tonight’s plan transparent. With him and Roode on the same page, the plan won’t work. They know what has to be done and what’s right for business. They each go for a “Fingerpoke of Doom”, but argue about who’s going to lay down. Aries grabs a mic and calls this a little miscommunication, then refuses to go down. Aries says he’s the bigger man, and he’ll lay down for Roode, no problem. Aries lays down and Roode goes for the pin. As the ref counts 2, Aries reverses and gets 2 of his own. A shoving match starts as we go to commercials.

We’re back, and we’ve got a lock-up. Aries backs Roode into the corner, and they shove each other a few times. Aries applies a side headlock before a crisscross ends with Aries doing a cartwheel. Aries taunts Roode from the buckle and then goes for a slingshot sunset flip. Roode drops down and holds the ropes, getting 2. Another shoving match starts and Aries goes for a side headlock. Roode shoves him into the corner, but Aries jumps over him and schoolboys him with the ropes for 2. More shoving, and now they’re trading rights. Aries hits some forearms and nails a rolling elbow. Roode comes back with a spinebuster for 2. Aries slides out of a powerslam attempt and shoves Roode into the buckles. Roode counters the running dropkick by setting Aries up on the top rope from his shoulder. Roode goes for a superplex, but Aries fights out. He boxes the ears, knocking Roode to the mat. He goes for the 450 splash, but Roode moves. Aries rolls through as Roode goes for the spear. Aries counters the spear with the Last Chancery, and Roode breaks it by going to the eyes. Roode applies the Bowflex, and Aries eventually counters into a pin for 2. Aries boots Roode and goes for the brainbuster, but Roode slides out and we get several standing switches until Aries shoves Roode into referee Brian Hebner. Roode hits a back elbow and rolls to the floor to grab a chair. He hits the mat with the chair, then falls down to make it look like he got hit. Aries does the same thing. They both tell Hebner the other hit them, and now the two are arguing over who hit who. We see Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez come out onto the ramp, and they’re wearing Aries’ and Roode’s shirts. The two leave the ring to confront the former champions, and Hebner counts them both out.

WINNER: No contest.

We see Hogan and Sting talking in the back, and Hogan’s rambling about what Brooke just told him. Sting tells Hogan he’s got the best talent in the world in this company, and he’s glad he doesn’t have to make the decision for the new #1 contender. Hogan starts to go down the hall the wrong way until Sting points him in the right direction. Foreshadowing, I’m sure.

Hogan makes his way back into the arena, and he says it’s been crazy in the back because of all the energy from the crowd. It’s not about him anymore (HAHAHAHAHAHA!); it’s about the 8 guys we saw throughout the night. It’s decision time, and each of those 8 guys wants to be the man. Now, he’s got to pick one of them to face Hardy at Lockdown. Before he can finish, Aces and Eights hit the ring and surround Hogan. Buddy Ray limps out, chain in hand. The members of A and E drop back down to the floor as Ray enters the ring. He holds them off until Sting’s music hits, and he’s got 3 baseball bats. Each of the faces takes one as A and E leave the area.

End of show.
As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

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TNA Impact Wrestling Results & January 3 Recap – Sting Returns

January 05, 2013 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

Tonight, Sting returns. Again.

Jeremy Borash is in the ring, and we are opening the show with the winner of TNA Wrestler of the Year 2012. He introduces each potential winner, one-by-one. Bully Ray is out first, followed by James Storm, Austin Aries, Bobby Roode and finally Jeff Hardy. Gee, I wonder who will win this. The finalists are all on stage as Jeremy Borash, getting fatter by the second, announces the winner from the ring. Roode and Aries begin to storm the ring as JB announces Jeff Hardy as the winner. They’re both pissed as Hardy walks down to the ring to claim his trophy. Hardy says the trophy means as much to him as the World Championship does. He wanted to have a great 2012, and he did. Roode tells him to cut the crap. Did he just hear Hardy say people’s votes mean as much as the title? That’s a bunch of crap. When he was champion, there was nothing more important on L. Ron Hubbard’s green Earth than being champion. He didn’t care what anyone else thought of him. He set records and made history. He became the longest reigning champion in the history of the company, and the fact that he’ isn’t the Wrestler of the Year is a bunch of bullsh…Excuse me, one second. Aries cuts them both off with that line before calling the WOTY award rigged, and this is a fluke. He averaged 4 stars per match each time, and 2012 was “Total Nonstop Aries”. Hardy interrupts and challenges them both to a triple threat match for the World title at Genesis, then calls 2012 “Year of the Enigma”. Aries doesn’t like this, and clips Hardy’s knee out from behind. The two heels then stomp him down before fighting over who should beat him up. Roode holds Hardy up for Aries to bash him in the gut with the trophy, but Hardy moves, causing Aries to hit Roode. He then lays Aries out with the Twist of Fate before grabbing his broken trophy.

Tonight’s main event will be Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe vs. Devon and Thing 1 in a steel cage.

AI stops James Storm to ask about losing the WOTY award. Storm says to just put it on the list of things he needs to work harder at before Bad Influence interrupt him. Christopher Daniels does a Storm impersonation as Kaz interviews him. Storm fakes a laugh and says that he will be champion in 2013, and the only thing that has changed are the faces and asses of people he has to kick. He calls them dweebs, then tells Daniels he’ll kick him in his Twitter and punch Kaz in his Facebook, and before he “logs them both out”, he’s going to write his catchphrase all over their walls. Sweet Jebus. I hope I never hear anything that stupid on a television show ever again. Storm then spits in Daniels’ martini or whatever he’s drinking, then challenges one of them to a match. Kaz makes a lame joke about MySpace. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Kaz and Storm?

MATCH 1: James Storm vs. Kazarian (w/Christopher Daniels)
Daniels makes it look like he’s going to be the one taking the match, but it turns out to be a distraction so Kaz can attack from behind. Kaz stomps Storm down in the corner, then fires off some rights. Storm comes back with punches, and he skins the cat after Kaz tries to throw him to the floor. Back in the ring, Storm ducks a clothesline and hits a Thesz Press with some punches. Clothesline by Storm before he sends Kaz to the floor. Storm hits a plancha to the floor, then gets distracted as Daniels talks some trash. Daniels slides into the ring, and Kaz uses the distraction to clothesline Storm on the floor. Daniels gets some cheap shots in before throwing Storm back in for 2. Kaz applies a rear chinlock, then whips Storm down by the hair and hits a legdrop. Storm hits Closing Time, then fires off more rights and hits a side-Russian legsweep. Up top, Storm hits a flying elbow for 2. Daniels distracts him for a moment, which allows Kaz to hit a seated dropkick in the corner. Kaz hits a TKO for 2. Storm hits another Closing Time, but Daniels jumps on the apron. Storm ducks a clothesline, then hits a kick to the back of the head on Daniels. He avoids a corner charge, and when Kaz tries to come off the middle rope, he jumps right into the Last Call for 3.

WINNER: James Storm.

In the Aces and Eights clubhouse, Devon is with Mr. Anderson, telling him he needs to make a decision right away. Anderson can’t fight what they’re giving him. Anderson says the harder they work to convince him, the more fun they have, so let’s all just chill and think about this for a little bit longer. Besides, he really enjoys their recruitment process.DOC walks up and asks him what the f*ck his answer is. Sting returns tonight, so they need an answer right now. Anderson says that, if they do this, none of them need to show Sting even an ounce of fear. He then hands DOC his hammer. Devon likes this, and says they need to go see what Sting has to say. He asks Thing 1 if he’s seen Devon’s bat, but Thing 1 hasn’t seen it. Boy, there’s a surprise.

Kenny King approaches Kid Kash in the back and calls him an X-Division legend, watching him back on VHS. There’s a 4-man tournament, with the winner facing RVD for the X-Division title. Kash is beating Christian York tonight while King beats Zema Ion next week, and they’ll face each other in the finals.

DOC heads out to the ring, hammer in hand. He wants to know where Sting is, and wants him to come down to join the party. It is 1-3-13, and Sting, you’ve been telling everyone who will listen that DOC is a marked man. He doesn’t feel like one, though. Come out and show yourself, Stinger. This is bullsh*t, and he’s tired of waiting. He’s wasting everyone’s time, so get out here right now and face the man who is going to cripple you once and for all. Everyone wants him out here, so this is his finally reckoning call. Sting, get your ass out here right now. A black bat drops from the ceiling into the ring, and DOC keeps demanding Sting come out.

AI stops Brooke Hogan outside the building, asking if she’s talked to her dad about what’s going on with her and Bully Ray. She says she hasn’t talked to him, but she’s on her way to find out what’s going on now.

MATCH 2-X-Division Tournament semifinal: Kid Kash vs. Christian York
Kash, like always, gets a jobber non-entrance. Kash attacks before York even gets in the ring, dropping him with a clothesline. York comes back with a discus punch before Kash rolls to the floor. He goes for a plancha, but Kash sees it coming and walks away. He pulls York to the floor, hits a chop and a hurricanrana from the ring. Back inside, York counters a springboard dive with a dropkick. York hits a kick from the apron and goes up top, but Kash moves out of the way. Kash goes for a waistlock, and York reverses, ducks a clothesline and hits a big boot. Half-nelson suplex connects and York looks for the Mood Swing, but Kash counters with kneelifts and hits the Bank Roll. Kash chokes York across the middle rope and hits some Tazface punches (yes, that’s what he really calls them). Kash mounts the middle turnbuckle and goes for the twisting moonsault, but York counters by getting his knees up. York fires off some kicks and hits a low complete shot for 2. Kash reverses the Mood Swing with a cradle for 2. He calls for the Money Maker, and York breaks free. Kash ducks a clothesline and goes for a backslide, but York rolls through and hits the Mood Swing for 3.

WINNER: Christian York.

Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez are in the back, talking about how they aren’t afraid of Matt Morgan and Joey Ryan. They’re the champions and aren’t scared of anyone.

The next match was supposed to be Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan, but Morgan comes out in a shoulder sling. He says he’s been dreaming about kicking Morgan’s ass so hard for days. But when you’re tossing 700 or 800 pounds around the gym like it’s your job, accidents and injuries happen. Come Genesis, he’ll be 100% though, and in order to do that, he’s going to sit this one out tonight and Joey Ryan is going to whip Hernandez’s ass.

MATCH 3: World Tag Team Co-Champion Hernandez (w/Chavo Guerrero) vs. Joey Ryan (w/Matt Morgan)
Ryan oils himself up and charges the ring, hitting some forearms. Hernandez comes back with a bodyslam. Over-the-shoulder backbreaker connects. Hernandez goes to the ropes, where Morgan holds onto his leg with the “bad” arm, proving that it’s fine. Ryan tries to suckerpunch him, but Hernandez ducks and connects with the Pounce. As Hernandez celebrates, Morgan hits him with a discus clothesline.

WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION: Hernandez. Morgan continues the attack on Hernandez before dropping Chavo with the Carbon Footprint.

Hulk Hogan is on his way to the ring.

Kurt Angle is in the back with the Wonder Twins. He thanks them for having his back, but tonight, Joe has got his back tonight, so he needs them to stay here. Garett Bischoff says he’d be more comfortable if they were out there, and Joe basically tells him to shut the hell up. Angle calms Joe down and tells him the Twins are trying to be respectful. He excuses them before turning to Joe, talking about Sting. He also says he promises to unmask every member of A and E, starting tonight.

We see footage of Tessy, Gail Kim, Tara and Mickie James stretching in various areas. They have a tag team match later tonight.

Hogan limps out to the ring and wants to get right to business. First off, he wants to apologize to everyone for not showing up last week, but he got caught off-guard when he saw Bully Ray and Brooke making out in the parking lot two weeks ago. Since Ray decided to make things public, he’s here, and he’d like to take care of business right now. He’d like to have both Ray and Brooke come out to the ring right now. Ray and Brooke come out together, with Brooke looking skanky as hell. Hogan tells Ray that Ray has been asking for respect for weeks. He’s seen Ray shaking hands in the back and trying to help the young guys, but at the end of the day, something wasn’t right to him. Month after month, he looks at Ray and wants to know the truth. There’s a code ethics in wrestling, and now that he knows where Ray and Brooke are really at, he wants to know why. Ray tells Hogan he’s right. He should have come clean with Hogan about himself and Brooke. It’s all on him. Hogan says he’s been trying to tell everyone he knows Ray is no good and what his MO is. When you talk about breaking the code, Ray doesn’t even belong in this business. As far as he’s concerned, Ray wanting all of this stuff from Hogan, since Ray broke the code and they’re not playing by the rules anymore, they’ll play by a new set of rules. A GM needs to do what he needs to do, so Ray is suspended indefinitely without pay. Hogan then turns to Brooke and tells her to get the hell out of his ring. She made her decision and needs to live with it. Ray grabs her by the hand, and they leave together.

Another Joe Abyss video. Danny Davis is now impressed with his dedication. I am so sick of this. Just reveal that Joe and Abyss are the same guy already. This is beyond stupid.

MATCH 4: Gail Kim and Knockouts Champion Tara (w/Jesse) vs. Mickie James and Miss Tessmacher
Tessy and Kim start the match, with Kim kicking her down right off the bat. Tessy comes back with a clothesline from the middle rope and a botched monkey flip. Tara knees Tessy in the back, which allows Kim to tag out. Tara grinds Tessy’s face on the rope. James makes the blind tag off an Irish whip. Tessy hits a snapmare, and James hits a running knee. She dropkicks Kim off the apron, and the heels are arguing on the floor as Tara is being consoled by Jesse. The faces head out, and hit a noggin knocker. Back in the ring, Taryn Terrell is trying to get Tessy back to the apron. Behind her, the heels beat James down. Tara covers her for a pin, getting 2. Tara applies a rear chinlock, but James fights out as we go to commercials.

Back from the break, Kim is now legal before she tags Tara in. Kim goes to whip Tara into James in the corner, but James moves out of the way and hits a clothesline on Kim. James has some of the worst-looking clotheslines in wrestling today, and her kicks are somehow even uglier. Tara tries to prevent her from tagging out, but is unsuccessful. Tessy does the usual hot tag offense, then botches the unholy hell out of the Shout Out in the corner. I can’t even begin to describe how ugly that move was. And there was no logical reason for it being botched, either. Tessy gives herself a wedgie and looks for the stinkface, but Tara rolls to the floor, where Jesse checks on her. From behind, Kim levels Tessy with a clothesline, and Tara slides back in for a choke. Hairmare by Tara before connecting with a backbreaker for 2. Kim tags in, who kicks Tessy in the corner. Kim hits a gutbuster for 2. Running clothesline for another 2. In the corner, Tessy avoids the body attack, sending Kim to the floor. Kim yanks James to the floor to prevent a tag, then gets back in the ring and begins slamming Tessy’s face into the mat. Tara tags in and hits the Arabian Facebuster for 2 before applying a modified surfboard. Tara hits the absolute weakest bodyslam in pro wrestling history before going for the standing moonsault, which is blocked by Tessy. Tessy ducks a clothesline and hits a swinging facebuster. James and Kim tag in, and James hits a Thesz Press. Tunacanrana connects, as does a neckbreaker for 2. Tara makes the save, so Tessy spears her to the floor. As Jesse is checking on her, Tessy comes off the top rope with a plancha to the floor. In the ring, Kim misses the corner body attack once more, and James hits the standing tornado DDT for 3.

WINNERS: Mickie James and Miss Tessmacher.

Back in the A and E clubhouse, DOC is pissed about Angle wanting to take their masks off. They need to remain anonymous. Those who have masks on need to stay that way. Black Scorpion agrees, saying they need to protect their masks with their lives.

ODB is talking about Sting taking care of A and E tonight. Her husband is out of the hospital, and he will be walking back into the Impact Zone at some point.

Bobby Roode and Austin Aries are in Hogan’s office, pissed off. Both think the three-way for Genesis is crap, but Hogan says it’s official, adding an elimination stipulation to it. Both guys continue arguing, so Hogan makes a match for next week: them vs. Jeff Hardy and a partner of his choosing.

MATCH 5-Cage Match: World Television Champion Devon and Thing 1 vs. Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle
As Angle is getting through the cage door, DOC comes from behind and slams the door across his back and pulls him to the floor. He padlocks the cage, turning this into a handicap match for the moment. DOC continues the attack on the outside as Joe begins fighting off both Devon and Thing. Joe hits the corner hip bump/spin kick combo on Devon, then stomps Thing down. Devon blocks a throw to the cage and holds Joe in place for Thing, but Joe ducks, causing Thing to clothesline Devon. Joe hits a kneelift in the corner on Thing, then gives him the Face Wash. Devon hits a misdirection forearm, and now the heels are double-teaming Joe. Angle is laid out on the ring steps. Joe fights off the heels until Devon rakes the eyes. Thing knees him in the corner as Angle is now up and trying to get into the cage, but Devon kicks the door into his face. In the ring, Devon hits an elbow drop as we go to commercials.

We’re back, and Joe is trying fight both off with punches and elbows. Joe hits Devon with an attack off the top (my feed was blurry, so I couldn’t really see it), then hits Thing with an exploder suplex. Angle begins climbing up the cage until DOC reappears and pulls him down. Angle fights him off, then takes the key for the lock. Angle does hot tag offense when he enters the cage, connecting with a middle rope dropkick on Thing. He goes for Thing’s mask, but DOC begins to enter the ring and slams the door on Angle’s head. Joe kicks the door into DOC’s face, and the heels double team him from behind. Avalanche by Thing in the corner, and we see that Angle is busted open. Of course he is. Thing drops him with a sidewalk slam, but Devon misses the diving headbutt. Joe recovers and takes Thing down, and now all four men are down. Angle gets up and hits the Murder-Suicide on Devon, then hits a German suplex on Thing. The faces take turns slamming Devon into the cage. Joe hits an inverted atomic drop on thing, followed by a kick to the face, and Angle connects with the Angle Slam for 3.

WINNERS: Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe. Angle goes for the mask, but is attacked from behind by Devon. Joe fights him off, but DOC enters the cage and takes Joe out with punches. Four more members of A and E enter the cage, and we see Mr. Anderson looking on from ringside. Swerve coming momentarily. A and E continue to destroy Angle and Joe until Sting enters the cage. He takes them all out with a baseball bat. He points at DOC, but DOC escapes. The faces isolate Thing in the cage, and Sting clobbers him with the bat. Angle gets the mask off, and it turns out Thing 1 is Mike Knox. Knox rolls to the floor as the rest of A and E try to cover his face up. The group leaves as the faces celebrate in the cage. Meanwhile, Mr. Anderson did absolutely nothing.

End of show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx ,and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Gerri Davis Banner, NPC National Level Heavyweight and Masters Female Bodybuilder

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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TNA Impact Wrestling Results & December 27 Recap

December 30, 2012 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

Tonight is the final Open Fight Night of the year. I wish it was the final OFN ever.

The show opens with Bully Ray making his way down to the ring. He says it’s very obvious that over the past couple of months there is no doubt he and Hulk Hogan cannot get along. He doesn’t know what he has to do to prove to Hogan that he can be trusted? He has a lot of respect for Hogan, and since it’s OFN, he wants to call Hogan out. He doesn’t want a fight, though; he wants to talk. Hogan’s music hits, but he isn’t coming out. Eventually, Brooke Hogan skanks her way down to the ring. Ray wants to know where her dad is. Brooke says he’s not here, and he knows about her and Ray. Someone must’ve told him about them. They need to go see him, and she wants to show him that Ray is the man she knows him to be. After a couple seconds, the two leave together and continue discussing this crap up the ramp.

As the commentators are discussing tonight’s show, Austin Aries makes his way out for an OFN challenge. Aries is going to make this short and simple, as he isn’t getting paid by the hour. This is OFN, but last week, everyone saw he had Jeff Hardy defeated, and should be the World Champion. Everybody knows that A-Double is and will always be the main event. So, when he had Hardy pinned, the man he’s going to call out screwed him, and that man is Bobby Roode. He can’t be mad, though, because he did the same thing to Roode. Now they’re even, but they’re going to break that tie tonight and settle things in the ring, like men, unlike Jeff Hardy. They will see who truly deserves to face Hardy for the title. But we’re not going to do it right now. The only place Roode and Aries should be wrestling is in the main event. This will be the last main event of the year, so let’s do it right. Let’s take Roode and put him in the ring with Aries, and we’ll find out who will be the man to finally take Hardy out once and for all.

Samoa Joe is out next to make a challenge. Tonight is OFN, and he has come to pick a fight. Aces and Eights, it seems like every week, you send out a goon in a mask with a hammer to hit people from behind. Let’s see how well you do face-to-face. He calls the masked man out, and he’s not only going to choke him out, but he’s going to take the mask off as well.

MATCH 1: Samoa Joe vs. Thing 1
Joe immediately lays in some forearm shots, then fires off some rights. Joe hits the hip bump in the corner, followed by a spin kick to the head. Thing rakes the eyes, then hits a clothesline. Kicks and punches by Thing, followed by a choke over the middle rope. Thing drops a leg across the back of Joe’s neck in the ropes for 2. Rear chinlock is applied, but Joe elbows out. Thing stops him with a knee and an elbow, but misses an avalanche in the corner. Joe hits a step-up knee strike in the corner and sets Thing up for the Muscle Buster, but Thing punches Joe. He comes off the middle rope and Joe catches him in an inverted atomic drop. He follows up with a running boot and senton. He locks in the Kokina Clutch, and Thing passes out.

WINNER: Samoa Joe. Joe signals that he’ll take the mask off, but before that can happen, Brian Pillman and Thing 2 hit the ring. He boots them both down, then bails when Black Scorpion, Devon and DOC hit the ring.

We see the Robbies in the back, and E is saying tonight is their night to make names for themselves. Jesse walks by on his cellphone, and E calls him a hamster. He asks where Tara is, bro. Jesse calls E a girl. They call each other bro and dude approximately 812 times each. Jesse says these are fighting words, so E challenges Jesse to a “Bro Off”, since this is OFN. I think everyone’s IQ just dropped about 10 points after witnessing that exchange.

Kenny King and Christian York in the back, and King is complementing York on his work since joining TNA. He tells York to take notes on King’s match tonight when he beats RVD one more time.

The Robbies make their way out, and E calls this “Open Bro Night”, because he’s calling out the fake Robbie E, that being Jesse Godderz. Get out here, Jesse, so he can show you what it’s like to be a real bro. Jesse and Tara head out to the ring, and Jesse calls E “scooter”. E says this is a “Bro Off”, bro, and there’s three rules: 1) It’s every bro for themselves, bro. Rule B) Everything you do has to end in a bro. Because E is the bro veteran, bro, he’s going to go first, bro. DJ, hit his music, bro. He forgot rule 3. Anyway, this is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen on TNA, and that’s saying something. Basically, the segment is a dance competition. Jesse thinks he’s Chris Masters, too. I hate this company. E says Jesse wasn’t as bad as he thought. There were two problems: first, it’s bros, not hoes. Problem number 3, Jesse is DQ’ed for ending his routine with “dude” and not “bro”. E announces himself as the winner, but T interrupts and says there’s one more bro to go. He then does a bunch of posing. Kill me now. T then begins dancing. Seriously. Kill me now.

Up next, RVD makes his OFN challenge.

RVD makes his way out, and the World X-Division Champion says his efforts have elevated the X-Division to a new level. To continue on that path, he needs to confront uprising issues as he’s able, like he can on OFN. He says the person he’s going to call out is new and has everyone talking. Everyone wants to see this, so come on out…Christian York.

MATCH 2: World X-Division Champion Rob Van Dam vs. Christian York (non-title)
Standing switch to start, and York takes RVD down with a dropkick to the knee. Crisscross ends with a punch by RVD, but he misses a spin kick, and York capitalizes with a half-nelson suplex. RVD blocks a kick, but York spins through and nails a different kick. A headscissors takes RVD to the floor. Back in, York hits a missile dropkick to the back. He calls for the Mood Swing, but RVD escapes. York ducks a clothesline and hits the Mood Swing for 2. RVD comes back with some forearms and sends York into the corner. York mounts the middle rope and catches RVD with a knee to the face as he attempts a monkey flip. York goes for the pin, getting 2. Up top once more, but RVD knocks York to the apron. York shoulders an incoming RVD, then goes back up top again, hitting a double stomp to the back for 2. York misses the Dreamscape, and now they trade punches. RVD counters a headscissors out of the corner and hits a sidewalk slam. Split-legged moonsault by RVD gets 2. RVD blocks a roll-up and hits a springboard sidekick, followed by Rolling Thunder. RVD hits the Five-Star Frog Splash, and this one’s over.

WINNER: Rob Van Dam.

We’re now in the Aces and Eights clubhouse. Devon is telling the gang that, whoever this guy is he has in mind to add, needs to be added. He’s just who they’re looking for, and they need to make him feel welcome. DOC enters the room with two strippers, and Devon wants to know if things will work out. He says they’ll work out just fine.

Yet another Joe Abyss/OVW training video.

We see Christopher Daniels enter some area full of merchandise, and Kazarian is setting things up on a table. They’re wondering where their merchandise as a team is. AI asks what their plan is, and Daniels says that, although Christmas is over, they’ve got one more present to give to everyone. Kaz grabs a stack of AJ Styles shirts before leaving with Daniels.

Bobby Roode is now talking to AI about tonight. He knew Aries would call him out, as he’s predictable. After he beats Aries, he’s going to walk into Genesis and take the belt from Jeff Hardy.

1.3.13 video. It’s for Sting. Again. I guess TNA forgot they did this exact same thing about two years ago.

Christopher Daniels dances his way down to the ring to make the next OFN challenge. Greetings and salutations, all you ham sandwiches (??). Now, everyone knows him. He’s not just the face of Impact Wrestling; he’s a ring general, a national treasure, and the man with the rear that makes the girls cheer. Everyone knows he had a great 2012, and he wants to give back to all the little people. He knows everyone’s sad AJ Styles hasn’t been around in a while, so his present to everyone tonight involves AJ. He knew it was supposed to be one last time, but that will never be the case. So, let’s do this one more time, AJ. AJ’s music hits, but it turns out to be Kaz wearing AJ’s ring gear. Daniels asks if he’s ready to do this one last time, again? Kaz does a lame AJ impersonation in response, basically saying he can’t beat Daniels, no matter how hard he tries. He then makes a reference to Claire Lynch, and Daniels cuts him off, saying no one wants that. He apologizes, saying we won’t get AJ/Daniels one more last time, but the audience does have permission to worship them now. Chavo Guerrero’s music hits, and he & Hernandez make their way out. Chavo calls them clowns, having fun at everyone else’s expense. He thinks their 2012 was a little better than Bad Influence’s, and seeing that this is OFN, they’re going to make sure Bad Influence’s year ends bad, with a foot up the rear.

MATCH 3: Bad Influence (Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) vs. World Tag Team Champions Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez (non-title)
Bad Influence attack the champs as they’re entering the ring. The champs reverse a double whip, sending the heels into each other. Chavo then hits Kaz with a dropkick. Double back elbow by the champs, followed by a hilo by Chavo and a splash by Hernandez for 2. Chavo tags in and hits a tope con hilo off a bodyslam by Hernandez. Kaz rakes the eyes and tags in Daniels, who runs into a hip toss. Hernandez tags in and hits a bearhug suplex. Chavo back in, who hits a double axe handle to the back. Chavo beats Daniels down in the corner, and Hernandez is back in. He bodyslams Chavo onto Daniels before hitting a low dropkick. Hernandez shoulders Daniels in the corner, then hits an avalanche. He applies a front chancery before letting go and hitting a back body drop. Commercials.

We’re back, and Hernandez is hitting a delayed vertical suplex on Daniels. Kaz grabs Hernandez from behind after the move, holding him in place for Daniels, but Hernandez ducks, causing Daniels to knock Kaz off the apron and to the floor. He follows up by clotheslining Daniels to the floor. Back in, Hernandez misses the slingshot shoulderblock. Daniels clubs Hernandez across the back, then tags in Kaz, who hits some mounted punches. Daniels back in, and they hit a double corner whip. Daniels tags in Kaz, and they hit the slingshot elbow/legdrop combo for 1. Kaz applies a front chancery before sending Hernandez to his team’s corner. He reapplies the front chancery, then hits some forearms in the corner. Daniels back in, and he hits a forearm in the corner before Kaz hits a spinning heel kick for 1. Daniels rakes the eyes and goes for some corner punches, but Hernandez shoves him off and hits a Pounce. Kaz and Chavo tag in, and Chavo does the typical hot tag moves. Monkey flip out of the corner, followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Chavo goes for the 3 Amigos and twists on the third suplex for 2 as Daniels breaks up the pin. The heels hit the Hart Attack for 2. They go for a double back body drop, but Hernandez holds onto Chavo’s foot, and he winds up back dropping Kaz to the floor before hiptossing Daniels over. Chavo hits a suicide dive to the outside, followed by Supermex by Hernandez. Back in, Chavo hits another tope con hilo on Kaz for 2. Kaz fights Chavo off in the corner from the apron, but misses the Superman. Chavo goes up top and hits the frog splash for 3.

WINNERS: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez.

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AI is asking Jeff Hardy about his levels of respect for Roode and Aries. Hardy calls them both great in the ring, but outside the ring, he doesn’t care for either of them at all. AI asks about his plan for revenge. Hardy says it will come soon, but he’ll enjoy them beating each other first.

Video package for Aces and Eights.

We’re back in A and E’s clubhouse, and we see DOC, Black Scorpion and Devon talking to someone off-camera. BS is glad this person agreed to see them. Devon says he’s the right man for the job. BS says he has to give Devon some credit-he thought he could bring some assholes in to do the job. The camera pans over to see that Mr. Anderson is the mystery man. Anderson recalls what happened the last time they met, but Devon assured him he’d be safe here, so he’s all ears. Devon says this will be tough. They have a certain agenda that needs to be attended to. It might be physical, then…even more physical. Devon says this as the third-rate strippers begin fawning over Anderson. Anderson says they drive a hard bargain, but this is something he really wants to do. He asks for some time to think about it, and Devon agrees as Anderson leaves with the strippers.

Gail Kim is the next one out to make a challenge. Tonight is OFN, and she knows exactly who she’s calling out. 2012 was her year. She was the longest-reigning KO champion in the history of TNA until someone ended her reign with a fluke victory. So, she’s ready to end that chapter and erase those bad memories before she regains her gold in 2013. So, she’s calling out Miss Tessmacher.

MATCH 4: Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher
Lock-up to start the match, with Kim hitting a takedown. Another lock-up, and Kim turns it into an arm wringer before turning it into a keylock. Tessy counters with a jackknife for 1. Kim misses a charge in the corner, and Tessy stomps her down. Tessy hits the corner hip bump and follows up with the Stinkface. Kim rolls to the apron, where Tessy clotheslines her to the floor. Tessy throws her back in, and Kim cuts her off on re-entry. Back suplex by Kim gets 2. Kim props her up in the corner and goes for a super hurricanrana, but Tessy holds onto the ropes, sending Kim crashing to the mat. Tessy locks in a hanging Dragon Sleeper, then hits a flying clothesline for 2. Kim kicks her in the head, sends Tessy into the corner and follows up with the body attack through the ropes. Kim whips Tessy down by the hair, then rubs her ass in Tessy’s face. She goes for another back suplex, but Tessy counters into a bulldog. Tessy fires off some rights, a couple clotheslines, a forearm and a hurricanrana. She shoves her crotch in Kim’s face in the corner, then hits a Shout-Out for 2. She goes for the Brooke Shield, but Kim hits an elbow to the back of the head to break it. Tessy blocks a clothesline and hits a hooking clothesline before going up top. She misses a flying elbow, and Kim hits her with Eat Defeat for the 3.

WINNER: Gail Kim.

Austin Aries and Bobby Roode are headed to the ring. The main event is up next.

MATCH 5: Bobby Roode vs. Austin Aries
Lock-up starts the match, they get a clean break in the corner, then duck each other’s strikes. Roode applies a hammerlock, and Aries counters into one of his own. Roode hits a drop toehold and applies a front chancery. Aries reverses and does the same thing, then slaps Roode across the back. They boot each other off a handshake, and now we’re back to a lock-up. Roode turns it into a side headlock before shouldering Aries down. They start a crisscross, but Aries goes down, feigning a knee injury. Roode isn’t buying it, and kicks Aries in the knee. Roode’ left ear is bleeding for some reason. Aries comes back and sends Roode to the floor. He goes for the suicide dive, but Roode is back in the ring before it happens. They shove each other as we go to commercials.

Oh, wait. Before that can happen, we see Jeff Hardy watching this match, and we get one of his dumba#$ inner monologue promos. I hate this crap. Total bush league.

We’re back, and Aries is in control with punches. Roode comes back with a suplex, but misses a jumping knee. Hardy seems to be gone, which I guess means that stupid clip was pre-recorded. Brilliant. Anyway, Aries misses a jumping elbow, and Roode sets him up top. Aries fights him off and they box each other’s ears. Eventually, Aries gets the best of it, knocking Roode back down to the mat. Aries misses the missile dropkick, and Roode calls for the spear. He goes for it, but Aries counters into the Last Chancery in a beautiful spot. Roode breaks the hold by raking the eyes, then applies the Bowflex. Aries goes to the eyes this time, breaking the hold. Roode fires off some rights in the corner, and they begin trading strikes. Roode begs off, then sneaks in a pin with his feet on the ropes. The ref sees it and calls for the break. Aries then rolls Roode up with a handful of tights, and the ref once again sees it, calling for a break. Aries argues with the ref, and turns around right into a spinebuster by Roode for 2. Roode goes outside for a chair, but it gets taken away. As Roode is now arguing with the ref, Aries blasts him with the rolling elbow for 2. Aries goes outside for the chair, and referee Earl Hebner gets it from him. Aries begins to argue, and Roode does the same thing. They decide to double boot Hebner in the gut and throw him to the floor. They start to fight over the chair as Jeff Hardy’s music hits. He comes in from behind and drops them both with a double clothesline. Aries gets clotheslined to the floor, and Roode is hit with the Twist of Fate.

End of show.

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