Welcome to the 12/23/11 edition of SmackDown! Hope everyone’s Festivus season is still going well. I have chosen my opponent for the Festivus Feats of Strength, so I’m set.

On a serious note, I would like to congratulate not only Zack Ryder for finally winning the WWE United States title, but big congratulations to Daniel Bryan on becoming the new World Champion as well. There aren’t too many guys more deserving than Bryan, who has been busting his ass for over a decade to get to this point. And, on a personal note, it is incredibly awesome seeing a man become World Champion who literally grew up about 20-30 minutes north of where I did, at roughly the exact same time. There’s always something cool about seeing someone local succeed so greatly in life, and it’s especially cool when one of those people becomes the World Champion in the number one wrestling promotion in history. Kudos to you, Daniel Bryan. You’ve done the state of Washington proud.

Speaking of champions, the show opens up with the man Daniel Bryan beat for the World title, that being the Big Show. Show gets a mic and says he thought for sure he’d be standing here as the new World Heavyweight Champion. He’s not, and he can’t believe the new champion is Daniel Bryan. He’s going to ask Bryan to come down in a moment, but first, everyone’s been asking him how feels about what happened. He scratched and clawed for nine years to become champion again. He was finally there on Sunday, and it wasn’t easy. He was so proud to become champion, and just like that, it was gone. He’s got a lot of mixed emotions right now, including disappointment, anger, shock, rage and confusion. We then see footage of Josh Mathews interviewing Show from this past Monday night, where Mathews reminded Show he has the dubious distinction of having the shortest World title reign in history. Back to Show on SmackDown! He says he’s proud of himself because he didn’t go over the edge. He’s had several days to think about this, and wants to give his honest feelings.

Just as Show’s about to open up, Mark Henry makes his way down to the ring, complete with heavily taped left foot. Henry asks if Show said he was proud, and wants to know what he’s proud of, the shortest title reign in the history of this business? It’ll say that on Show’s tombstone. Henry says Show honestly feels embarrassed and humiliated. He’d feel that way if it was him. Show should take a week off and then leave the business for good. Henry wants his rematch with Bryan tonight. Show wants to know why he gets a rematch.

Daniel Bryan’s music and here comes my hometown boy and the new World Champion. Bryan says he knows Show and Henry can’t believe he’s the new champion. He doesn’t think anyone in the arena believes it, not even him. Let’s face it, Bryan’s not the strongest or the tallest, the fastest or strongest, doesn’t have a cool name or catchphrase, isn’t all that attractive and has nothing that screams “WWE superstar”. What he is, though, is a very good wrestler, and hopes to be one of the great ones some day. Despite all of this, he is still the World Champion. Henry calls him a pipsqueak, and he beats the hell out of Bryan every time he touches him. Henry wants the belt back and wants it tonight. Show interjects and says he deserves the rematch since he beat Henry for the belt at TLC. Henry and Show trade a few more words before Teddy Long makes his way out. Long tells them that before they go to blows, they both deserve the chance to compete against Bryan, but tonight, they’re competing against each other, with the winner becoming the new #1 contender to the World title. He then congratulates Bryan on becoming champion. Henry leaves the ring, and Show takes a moment to shake Daniel Bryan’s hand. He leaves the ring and offers to shake Henry’s hand. Henry goes for it, but Bryan pulls his hand back and keeps walking.

Up next, it’s champion vs. champion as WWE United States Champion Zack Ryder (Woo woo woo! Sorry, I had to do it.) takes on Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes.

Did You Know? Vatican City is the smallest country in the world.

MATCH 1: Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes vs. WWE United States Champion Zack Ryder (non-title)
This should be a good match. As much as I hate to admit it, Rhodes has been looking good lately. I still don’t like him, but he’s been having some excellent matches over the last few weeks. Tie-up to start. Ryder goes into a side headlock and knocks Rhodes down off the ropes with a shoulder. Rhodes trips him up and goes into an arm bar. Ryder elbows out of a corner charge and snaps off a pair of arm drags before locking in an armbar of his own. Rhodes backs Ryder into a corner and breaks the hold. Ryder leapfrogs out of another corner charge, hits another arm drag and goes into another arm bar. Rhodes hits the Goldust uppercut off the ropes then throws Ryder to the floor. Ryder immediately gets back in the ring, but Rhodes clotheslines him over the top rope. Ryder lands on his feet on the apron, but Rhodes knocks him to the floor into the steps. Rhodes charges, but Ryder gets the boot up. Rhodes throws Ryder into Booker T before throwing Ryder back in the ring as we go to commercial.

Back from the break, Rhodes whips Ryder into the ropes, but Ryder elbows off the charge once again. Ryder runs at Rhodes, possibly looking for the Rough Ryder, but Rhodes catches him with the Alabama Slam for 2. Rhodes locks in a hammerlock/rear chinlock combination, but Ryder fights out. Rhodes misses a couple clotheslines, but ducks as Ryder goes for a cross body, sending Ryder into the ropes. Rhodes gets a pair of nearfalls before going back to the submission hold. Rhodes throws Ryder into the corner, but Ryder puts on the breaks. He turns around and they simultaneously headbutt each other. Ryder comes back with a forearm and a facebuster. He hits a running forearm in the corner before nailing the Broski Boot for 2. Ryder goes to the middle rope and goes for a dropkick, but Rhodes swats him down and begins laying in some punches. All of a sudden, Booker T grabs a microphone and sings a version of Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer to Rhodes using Rhodes’ name. It distracts Rhodes long enough for Ryder to hit the Rough Ryder and get the 3.

WINNER: Zack Ryder. After the match, Booker T continues to sing to Rhodes.

Backstage, we see Teddy Long watching the show on a monitor. Santino Marella comes in and surprises Long with his Cobra sleeve. Marella says that, since Ryder is now US Champion, he isn’t going to have time to be Long’s assistant. Marella offers to be the new assistant. Aksana’s dumb ass walks in. She knows many positions, and if he needs a hand, he can ask her about doing the job any time. Get it? It’s a reference to masturbation. Ha. Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero walk in. Ziggler complains about Daniel Bryan being champion. He says Bryan is a good wrestler wanting to be great, so let a great wrestler (Ziggler) show a good wrestler how it’s done. Long thinks it’s a great idea and orders the match for later tonight.

If you didn’t already see my review, the new Steve Austin DVD is fantastic, and one of the best biographical DVDs WWE has released in a long time.

MATCH 2-Winner becomes the new #1 contender for the World Championship: The Big Show vs. Mark Henry
Before the match starts, David Otunga’s music hits. He makes his way out, complete with stupid bowtie and a stupid coffee cup. He continues to destroy the coolness of the argyle sweater. He says he’s the legal counsel for John Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis is responsible for the well-being for all superstars, and although Henry is strong as a bear and has the heart of a lion, he is not medically cleared to compete. He has ankle damage, concussions and a a groin pull, so therefore, this match isn’t happening tonight. After he finishes wishing everyone Happy Holidays, Show hits him with a nasty WMD. Show seriously nailed him on that shot, and it was a thing of beauty. They show a slow motion replay of the shot, and it looks even worse.

WINNER: No contest.

Michael Cole hypes the Bryan/Ziggler match for later tonight, saying “real athletes beat real nerds”. Maybe, except when the real nerd is also a real athlete, like Bryan. In that situation, you’re f*cked.

Backstage, we see Teddy Long in the back, and he’s stopped by Miz. Miz says he was told to be here tonight, but Long knows nothing about it. He says Long is the reason SmackDown is in bad shape. Since Miz won the WWE Championship, no SmackDown! star has been in the main event of a PPV. Miz has been in five. He lists off his accomplishments, then says he’s going to go out to the ring and hold the show up. Miz then tells Long that, if he can find a wrestler worthy of facing the Miz, maybe they’ll have a match.

We then get footage from the Tribute to the Troops show.

After the video (that featured hideously bad music), the Miz makes his way down to the ring. Commercials.

After the break, Miz does his “Really?” schtick before accusing Teddy Long of not being able to find anyone willing to face him. Miz then shows us footage of him taking out both R-Truth and John Morrison in recent weeks. Miz calls the SmackDown! locker room a bunch of cowards who are afraid of the same thing happening to them. Miz says SmackDown! has no face, no major star who can be a crossover star like he is. Apparently, Sheamus has had enough of this, as his music hits and he makes his way out. Looks like we have a match.

MATCH 3: The Miz vs. Sheamus
They lock up, and Sheamus immediately backs Miz into the corner. Miz fights off with punches, but Sheamus takes him down with one punch. A bodyslam gets 2. Miz hot shots Sheamus’ arm off the top and bottom ropes after a game of cat-and-mouse on the outside. Miz gets a 2-count before going into an armbar. Sheamus whips Miz into the corner, but misses a shoulder block. Miz hits the hanging corner clothesline and a pair of running boots to the head before dropping Sheamus with a snap DDT for 2. Sheamus crawls to the corner, and Miz chokes him with his foot. He’s looking for the hanging clothesline again, but Sheamus sees him and hits him with an Irish Hammer, followed by the Irish Curse. Sheamus looks for the Celtic Cross, but Miz slides out and hits a boot to Sheamus’ chest. Miz looks for the Skull-Crushing Finale, but Sheamus fights him off. Miz runs at him but eats a Brogue Kick to the face. Sheamus gets the 3.

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WINNER: Sheamus. I’m so glad to see Sheamus finally being booked as a pissed-off badass, like he should have been months and months ago.

Did You Know? The role of the Riddler in Batman Forever was originally set to go to Robin Williams.

Wade Barrett comes out and says the Barrett Barrage has been on a great role as of late. He’s been in Randy Orton’s head like no one else. Now, we’re going to look at the Titan Tron and see how Barrett went about skinning “The Viper”. We see footage from last month when Barrett initially beat Orton. This leads to a clip from Survivor Series. We see one more clip, this time from this past Monday when Orton took the Wasteland through a table. Barrett calls the last clip his personal favorite. He calls Orton one of the greatest until he encountered Wade Barrett. He thinks that entitles him to a World title match against Daniel Bryan. Barrett begins heading up the ramp, but Orton’s music hits. He runs down and they slug it out at ringside. Orton slams Barrett into the apron then throws him in the ring. He looks for the RKO, but Barrett sees it coming and leaves the ring. Orton chases after him into the back. Barrett sees him, and they trade some blows. Barrett hits a nasty mule kick to temporarily put Orton down. Orton gets back up and they continue brawling. Orton slams Barrett into a fence a few times, then sprays him with a hose for some reason. He sends Barrett over a table, then dumps a trashcan on him. Orton throws Barrett on the hood of a car, climbs up on the roof and slams Barrett’s head into it. Barrett gets back to his feet and takes an RKO on the roof. Well, so much for Orton willing to put over younger guys, huh? The few shots Barrett did get in here were completely no-sold by Orton.

We see the latest 1/2/12 video, which ends with “Prophetless.”

MATCH 4: Primo(w/Epico and Rosa Mendes) vs. WWE Tag Team Co-Champion Kofi Kingston (w/Evan Bourne)
Primo starts the match off with a kick and some punches. He stomps Kingston down and hits more punches. Primo gets in a rear chinlock, which he turns into a side-Russian legsweep. Primo holds on and turns the move into a submission hold, but lets go. Back to a vertical base, Primo hits some more kicks, a leg sweep, a legdrop and an elbow drop for 2. Kingston moves out of the way of a corner charge, hits some chops and a dropkick. Primo catches the jumping clothesline, but Kingston turns the reversal into a top rope twisting cross body for 2. Kingston hits the pendulum kick and goes up top, but gets distracted by Epico. Primo manages to hit a top rope armdrag for 2. Primo goes for a clothesline, but Kingston quickly hits Trouble in Paradise for 3.

WINNER: Kofi Kingston. Short match, but good. Lots of reversals and counter-moves.

We get a video package for CM Punk, Daniel Bryan and Zack Ryder. I don’t like the music, but the video’s badass.

MATCH 5: World Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) (non-title)
The last time these guys wrestled for the US title, it was awesome. I’m expecting no less here tonight. Lock-up turns into a waistlock by Bryan. Ziggler reverses. So does Bryan. A couple more leads to a dropkick by Bryan. Test of strength time, and Bryan rolls through into a side headlock. Ziggler goes for a leap frog off the ropes, but Bryan catches his leg and locks him in a surfboard. Bryan lets go of the move after a few second, then tries to turn it into another move. Ziggler makes it to the ropes, breaking the hold. Bryan goes for a dropkick, but Ziggler holds onto the ropes. Ziggler then stomps Bryan a bunch before doing some sit-ups. Bryan quickly tries to lock in the LeBell Lock from this point, but Ziggler makes it to the ropes. Bryan lays in some European uppercuts, but Ziggler drop toe holds him into the middle turnbuckle before hitting an inverted powerslam for 2. Commercials.

Back from the break, Ziggler hits a beautiful dropkick before locking in a side headlock. I “love” how Michael Cole is trashing Daniel Bryan for being small, but could never stop verbally fellating Rey Mysterio during his title reigns, despite the fact that Mysterio is even smaller. Bryan ducks a clothesline off the ropes, and they crash mid-air when they both attempt cross body blocks. Jack Swagger makes his way down to the ring now. Both men are up and they trade some punches. Ziggler with a kick to the gut, but Bryan back drops him to the floor Bryan hits the suicide dive to the floor before throwing Ziggler back in the ring. Behind the ref’s back, Swagger shoulder blocks Bryan to the floor. The Big Show makes his way down to the ring now. Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold, but Bryan throws him off and gets a roll-up for 2 before turning it into a German suplex for another 2. Beautiful sequence there. Bryan kicks Ziggler in the shoulder twice, but misses the third one. Ziggler quickly tries for the Zig Zag, but Bryan blocks it and lands a vicious kick to the head for 2. Bryan kicks Ziggler again, then puts him on the top rope. Bryan snaps off a hurricanrana off the top, but Ziggler rolls through for 2. Ziggler follows up with a rocker dropper for another 2. Ziggler backs Bryan into the corner and props him on the top for some mounted punches. Ziggler goes to the top now, but Bryan slides underneath and crotches Ziggler on the top. Bryan climbs up and hits a perfect back superplex for another 2 as Ziggler gets his foot on the bottom rope. Swagger tries to club Big Show from behind, but to no effect. Show chases Swagger into the ring and prepares for the chokeslam, but Long puts a stop to it and makes the match into a tag team match. That match will happen after the commercials. Damn. I understand the point of all of this, but the fact is Ziggler and Bryan were having an awesome match by themselves. Show and Swagger are not needed here.

WINNER: No contest.

MATCH 6: The Big Show and World Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler
Back from the break, Show reverses a waistlock on Swagger and takes him down with a belly-to-back. Show follows up with a hip throw into a side headlock, which he turns into a pin attempt for 2. Show backs Swagger into the corner and lands an open-hand chop to the chest. Ziggler tags in. Show backs him into the corner and hits some gut shots before landing a big open-hand chop to the chest. Show throws Ziggler into a corner for another chop, then bodyslams Ziggler before finally tagging in Daniel Bryan. Bryan comes in with a European uppercut and a series of vicious kicks in the corner. Bryan corner whips Ziggler, but Ziggler moves as Bryan tries for the corner dropkick. Swagger tags in and hits the Swagger Bomb for 2. Swagger locks in a double chicken wing. Bryan stomps on Swagger’s feet to break the hold, but Swagger still manages to throw Bryan into his corner. Bryan fights out and goes for a body scissors on Swagger, but Swagger holds on and crotches Bryan on the top rope before Bryan falls into the tree of woe. Swagger stomps him a few times before locking in a leg grapevine. Bryan tries to kick him off, but Swagger stomps him and tags in Ziggler. Ziggler locks Bryan in a half-Boston crab. Bryan crawls for the tag, so Ziggler breaks the hold and hits a jumping elbow drop. Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but Bryan sends Ziggler shoulder-first into the corner post in a really good-looking spot. Ziggler tags Swagger in as Bryan tags in Show. Show knocks Swagger down with some clotheslines and a Pounce. Ziggler comes in and eats a big boot. Show looks for the chokeslam, but Swagger slides out and chopblocks Show. Bryan tags in and comes off the top with a dropkick, but Swagger catches him and turns it into an ankle lock. Bryan rolls through and locks in the LeBell Lock, forcing Swagger to tap out.

WINNERS: The Big Show and Daniel Bryan. After the match, Big Show walks up the ramp and looks on with an angry look on his face. Awesome sequence at the end by all four guys.

End of show.

Good episode tonight. In all honesty, not a bad match on the show.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/XDustinEFLX, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

Best WWE Pay Per View Matches of 2011

CM Punk Ice Cream Bar T-Shirt

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Independent pro wrestling fans are rejoicing in the streets this morning as two of their biggest heroes are sharing WWE gold…at least for today. Daniel Bryan joined CM Punk in the WWE champions club after cashing in his Money in the Bank at WWE TLC 2011.

Bryan is the big story coming out of last night’s pay per view. Bryan cashed in his Money in the Bank to the surprise and delight of the Baltimore crowd and defeated The Big Show to win his first WWE world heavyweight championship just a few weeks after snapping a lengthy losing streak.

Bryan was not the first man to win the WWE world heavyweight title at TLC: Tables, Ladders, and Chairs. The Big Show knocked out Mark Henry with a punch to win the gold in their Chairs Match. Henry brutalized Show with chair shots following their match, including a DDT on the chair. One Daniel Bryan chant later, and the American Dragon arrived to cash in!

Bryan came into the match and immediately went for a cover. Bryan got the 1-2-3 and became the new champion. Bryan got in Michael Cole’s face following the match and thanked the fans for supporting him. SmackDown has a new champion!

I am all for Bryan getting the title but the booking for Bryan will make it extremely difficult for him to be a successful champion. For one thing, the man had been recently booked on a lengthy losing streak. I couldn’t ever imagine 30, 20, even 5 years ago a guy being booked on a losing streak a month or two before winning the world championship. As exciting as this is for Bryan die-hards, the average WWE fan wearing a John Cena t-shirt will have a tough time seeing Bryan as anything but lucky.

Speaking of fans, if he is being booked to turn heel this is great, but it appears that he will remain a babyface after watching him thank the fans. Here is a guy that not only capitalized on an injured babyface, but also broke his promise to cash in Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 28. If he is going heel this is great, if not than the WWE is going to have a tough haul in getting him over as a heroic champion. I am sure the Camel Clutch Blog will have more on this over the next couple of weeks.

WWE posted a “fan cam” version of the win on their You Tube channel. Check out the embedded video below of Bryan celebrating his victory at Tables, Ladders, & Chairs 2011.

In the headliner, CM Punk retained the WWE championship defeating former champions Alberto Del Rio and The Miz in a Triple Threat Ladder Match. Punk climbed the ladder to retrieve the title in a fun main-event. This wasn’t the open-ended loss here I expected that would result in an upcoming feud between The Miz vs. Punk. I think it was decisive and strong for the WWE champion.

In the “special attraction” match of the night, Triple H defeated Kevin Nash in a Ladder Match with a sledgehammer up for grabs. Unfortunately a decent match will likely be remembered for the botched Pedigree at the end of the match thanks to Big Lazy. The match was a bit long for my taste but in the end it was a lot better than I ever expected it to be.

Full WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders, & Chairs 2011 results & winners…
Daniel Bryan defeated The Big Show to win the WWE world heavyweight championship
Big Show defeated Mark Henry in a Chairs match to win the World Heavyweight Championship
CM Punk defeated The Miz vs. Alberto Del Rio in a Triple Threat Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match to retain the WWE Championship
Triple H defeated Kevin Nash in a Ladder match
Zack Ryder defeated Dolph Ziggler to win the U.S. Title
Randy Orton defeated Wade Barrett in a Tables match
Cody Rhodes defeated Booker T to retain the WWE IC title
Beth Phoenix pinned Kelly Kelly for the WWE Diva Championship
Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston defeated Primo and Epico to retain the WWE Tag Titles
Sheamus defeated Jack Swagger

WWE Tables, Ladders, & Chairs 2011 DVD

Stone Cold Steve Austin: The Bottom Line on the Most Popular Superstar of All Time

CM Punk Ice Cream Bar T-Shirt

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-With Smackdown being live tomorrow night, I am on standby in case Dustin Nichols forgets, and commits to his usual Tuesday routine of flexing in front of the mirror naked while muttering “Dustin’s the greatest” on loop. Have no fear, CCB world: unlike Triple H, I DO work Tuesdays*

* For my standard fee….

-Quick personal plug: wrote quite the essay on Vince McMahon’s downward spiral into self-parody, which you can find here (http://bit.ly/sxBaTz) and feedback is always welcome. Especially from Vince. He’ll read it if enough people tell him that I’m trending.

-Live from Columbia, SC

Opening Segment: John Cena in Piper’s Pit
Gotta say, Piper looks pretty good tonight, in comparison to some rough outings he’s had in recent years. Piper asks how a man that has never been a World champion, nor was the biggest, strongest man there was, become a WWE icon. The answer is simple: energy. Whether the crowd cheered or booed Piper, he fed off of that energy and made a hell of a career out of it. And with that, he calls out a Cena, a man who is fed plenty of energy, positive and negative. See, writing staff, THAT’S how you use metaphors. I learned that in seventh grade English. Cena isn’t sure where Piper’s going with this, and it turns into a game of “Cheer Association”. Piper says the names Stone Cold, Bret Hart, and The Rock to mostly favorable reaction, and then says Cena’s name, to a huge chorus of boos. Cena downplays those boos, saying he respects those who boo him. Piper declares Cena the face of WWE, and says that the boos are getting louder, and Cena is ‘losing it’. Piper tells Cena that if he doesn’t start speaking his mind, he’s going to be the biggest loser in WrestleMania history. Cena brings up past instances where he was booed out of the building, and Piper is getting frustrated. Cena hands a note to Piper that expresses the apparent reason as to why he will never let the boos bother him. Piper then goes on about how Cena did run with the ball when it was given to him, but Piper continues to prod Cena to speak his mind. Cena tries to decline, but Piper smacks him. “FEEL THE ENERGY! DO YOU FEEL THE ENERGY!” bellows Piper. Cena, instead of fighting back, merely shakes Piper’s hands and leaves, albeit flustered.
SEGMENT RATING: 8/10. Better than the usual opening segments, as Piper adds a shade of something different. Cena’s heel turn looming? We shall see.

Match 1: John Morrison vs. The Miz (Falls Count Anywhere)
Miz attacks Morrison out of the entrance way by bashing his knee with a pipe. We just heard the last eight seconds we’ll ever hear of “Ain’t No Make Believe”. Miz goes to the ring with an uncaring glare, and Morrison, despite the referees trying to keep him back, hobbles to the ring. Bell sounds and Morrison manages to get some shots in before Miz strikes the leg. Morrison gets posted, and Miz grabs a Singapore cane. Knee, meet cane, cane, knee. Morrison tries to fight back, getting some cane shots himself in a surprisingly even match. Did Morrison re-sign? Miz crawls away and Morrison uses the cane as a cane to give chase up the ramp. Morrison goes headfirst into the WWE logo set piece (Miz’s designated weapon). Skull Crushing Finale on the stage, and Miz pauses and draws out the pin attempt. The referee simply stops the match without allowing Miz the pin, which is weird, because Miz was going for the pin anyway. As they get the stretcher for Morrison, Miz takes the mic and returns to the ring. In a nice touch, Johnny Ace comes out, looks at the body, and leaves. Miz said last week was R-Truth, this week Morrison, and next week…..we’ll see. Miz opines in a monotone his awesomeness.
WINNER: The Miz via Skull Crushing Finale (stoppage)
RATING: 7/10. Effective use of TV. Cole referring to Morrison as “dead weight” is a veiled insult that isn’t so veiled. See you in TNA, Johnny. As far as Miz’s psycho gimmick, betcha he’s back to being an obnoxious social climber in four weeks when Vince and the writers forget.

Match 2: Kelly Kelly/Alicia Fox vs. The Bella Twins
No entrances for anyone. For some reason, Beth and Natalya run out to do a jog around ringside. If Candice Michelle tried that, she’d tear both shoulders and both knees. Anyway, Alicia pins one of the Bellas with a flip legdrop.
WINNERS: The Fox and The Hound via flipping legdrop
RATING: 1/10. Yeah.

Match 3: Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler (Non Title Match)
Well, so much for Ryder’s title shot. Ryder gets depushed for a haircut, and Orton gets pushed when he gets a million hideous tattoos. I’m at a loss. Anywho, Wade Barrett is here for commentary, so the screwjob ending is a given. Gotta admit, the hooker boots and big ass on Vickie are sizzling. Quick sequence of counters to open, so there’s hope we can get fifteen minutes out of this. Orton plants Ziggler with a devastating clothesline. Ziggler needs to be careful that his good bumping doesn’t turn him into Curt Hennig Part 2.0, in terms of his spine. Orton goes into the Garvin Stomp, and follows up with a knee drop, and then a VERY nice vertical suplex. I like when wrestlers make the basics look good. Orton takes a moment to jaw at Barrett, and Ziggler takes control. Ziggler gets 2 off of a roll-up, and then Dolph dropkicks Orton off the apron in a nice spot. Barrett eyes Orton sinisterly as Ziggler continues the onslaught outside and controls for a spell, but Orton manages to eventually crotch Dolph up top. Superplex, Cowboy Bob style, follows, but it only gets 2 as we head to commercial. Back from break, and Orton gets the snap powerslam, followed by the the contorted grin. Rope-assist DDT follows, and Orton gets into Predator position, but Dolph rolls to the floor. Ziggler swears off the match, and Barrett takes to the apron. Orton dropkicks him off, but Ziggler runs back and gets the Zig Zag for the semi-clean win. Vickie makes the irritating announcement.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via Zig Zag
RATING: 8/10. Not as good as Punk/Ziggler last week, but a very enjoyable TV match. If Punk-Dolph was ****1/4 last week, call this ***1/4-***1/2. Dolph and Orton have tremendous chemistry.

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In-Ring Segment: Michael Cole Interviews Daniel Bryan
Cole starts by calling Bryan a hypocrite. Mean Gene would never do that, would he? Bryan plays to the crowd by declaring Cole the worst announcer in the history of WWE, and then says he thinks Cole should respect him. Cole calls Henry a defenseless man, and asks what happened to Bryan’s vow to cash in at WrestleMania XXVIII. Cole replays the footage of Bryan winning the belt, and then being forced to abdicate it. Cole laughs up Bryan having his moment ruined, and says if he was Teddy Long, he’d have suspended Bryan for his actions. Cole then admits he’s pulling for Mark Henry tomorrow night. Bryan says he changed his plans when Mark Henry tried to induct him into the Hall of Pain, and says that nothing is guaranteed, so he tried to make the most of an opportunity. Bryan says the title is more important than WrestleMania, and Mark Henry makes his way out. He says he’s somewhat defenseless, but that’s okay, because he’s going to beat Bryan anyway in the steel cage. Bryan makes his way up the ramp for a confrontation, and simply strikes Henry’s bad leg, before leaving Henry hobbling by his lonesome.
RATING: 7/10. It served a purpose of hyping tomorrow night’s Smackdown, and it gave Bryan and Henry some important talk time. I understand having Cole be the antagonist to allow Bryan someone to bounce off of, and believe Cole would really be better served as the new Bobby Heenan or Jimmy Hart.

Match 4: Zack Ryder vs. Jack Swagger
I hope they pull the trigger on Ryder and the US Title soon, just to see how long the ‘net stops the perpetual whining. Besides, Zack deserves it for all of his dedication. Swagger dominates in the early going, getting a Sid Vicious-style leg drop for 2. Crowd rallies behind Ryder as he’s trapped in a submission hold, but Ryder works his way into control, getting a neckbreaker for 2. Ryder escapes the Swagger Bomb, but Jack catches the cross body with a front backbreaker. Swagger muffs the running Swagger Bomb, and a second attempt lands on feet. Ruff Ryder finishes.
WINNER: Zack Ryder via Ruff Ryder
RATING: 5/10. Short and effective, blown spot aside. There does seem to be a committal toward making the most of Ryder’s popularity.

Talk Segment: Mick Foley
Foley, bedecked as Santa, provides a hard sell for tomorrow’s live holiday Smackdown, and hits the cheap pop while insulting Michael Cole. Alrighty then.
SEGMENT RATING: 5/10. Meh, it was all in good fun. Gotta have some holiday spirit, right?

Main Event: CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio (WWE Championship)
At least fifteen minutes, please. I love how Alberto Del Rio steps on the driver’s side door of a $140,000 car with his dirty boots, instead of opening the door. Both men work the other’s arm early, in tune with both the Survivor Series psychology, and their respective submission finishers. Punk clotheslines Del Rio out and follows up with a suicide dive as we hit the final commercial. Back live to Del Rio in control, working the arm some more. During the break, ADR gained control by crotching Punk up top, and kicking the arm. Del Rio, however, despite all the arm-related offense, can’t put Punk away. Punk misses a cross body and lands on the arm, allowing ADR to take over with his MMA style offense. Punk tries to mount a comeback, but falls into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Match is a bit slow, so the fans chant for ice cream. Just when Punk takes over with an arm drag, Del Rio fires back with a Yakuza kick for 2. Punk catches Del Rio off the top with a high kick for 2 as the momentum starts to shift. Punk goes into comeback mode with a flurry of clotheslines and strikes, including the corner knee, but Del Rio counters the bulldog with a double knee armbreaker for 2. Del Rio gets a German suplex for 2 after an ensuing exchange. Dual finisher counters leads to a DDT by Del Rio for 2. Ricardo slides Alberto a chair, who throws it to Punk, who throws it back and feigns an attack by Del Rio. Charles Robinson considers DQing ADR, but Punk rolls Del Rio up for 2. ADR follows with a backcracker for 2. Punk manages a GTS onto a turnbuckle that Alberto exposed for the win. Will there be controversy? Ricardo claims that Punk cheated, so Punk GTS’s him as well. Looks like if there’s controversy, it’ll have to wait a week. Or maybe tomorrow.
WINNER: CM Punk via Go To Sleep (Still WWE Champion)
RATING: 9/10. A notch below Punk/Dolph from last week (say ***3/4), but still a great main event. There were several spots where it appeared Punk might get screwed over, thus making it dramatic, and the crowd pleasing ending made the drama worth it.

OVERALL: Two great matches in Punk-Alberto and Dolph-Orton, meaningful wins for Miz and Ryder, a good hard sell for Bryan/Henry, and an important “turning point” segment for Cena. If you didn’t like tonight’s show, then I have no idea what to tell you.

Let’s hope tomorrow’s Smackdown is just as good.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for WrestlingNewsSource.com and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

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The WWE is very sensitive when it comes to criticism of their Wellness Policy. Yet their actions regarding the suspension of R-Truth will do them no favors in defending their policy. Getting a false test back the day after Survivor Series was incredible luck or a big sign of company inconsistency.

In case you haven’t heard, Ron Killings aka: R-Truth is suspended for 30 days due to a Wellness Policy violation by the WWE. The suspension was announced Tuesday morning, two days after the WWE Survivor Series, and a day after RAW. The timing of this announcement has raised a lot of eye brows to say the least.

The biggest irony here is that the WWE suspended tag team champion Evan Bourne a few weeks ago for a Wellness Policy violation. While the WWE does not announce the specific drug that tested positive, it is believed that Bourne tested positive for synthetic marijuana. The hit to Bourne was huge as he missed a very lucrative European tour and a huge payday at Survivor Series. Maybe that is why Bourne didn’t go away for 30 days quietly.

Dave Meltzer reported that the controversy arose when it was discovered that Bourne was at a party with other WWE wrestlers using this particular drug. According to Meltzer, some of these wrestlers were guys higher on the card (who isn’t these days) of the tag team champion. Take a wild guess at who that guy was?

It would appear that Ron Killings would be that guy. Dave had speculated on his podcast before this suspension even took place that another guy from the Survivor Series main event was with Bourne that night, smoking the same stuff. Jeff Peck and I even had a fun time with that news on our podcast, “guessing” as to who that guy could be. It appears it was Killings.

The WWE can play with this all that they want, but this stinks to the highest levels of WWE conspiracies. By all rights, the WWE can book a guy before he starts his suspension in order to write him out of television. However, Bourne was suspended three weeks ago. That means that the WWE continued to book Killings on TV, the European tour, and the pay per view, probably giving him his highest payday of his career, all because he was in the main-event. That is hardly what I’d call a consistent Wellness Policy.

Here is the deal. Either suspend guys or don’t suspend them. I personally could care less whether someone gets popped for synthetic marijuana or not. However, it is not fair to take a guy off the shows for it, while continuing to promote your headliners for the same infraction. I can’t imagine the WWE locker room feeling that happy with this latest turn of events.

The other thing I don’t get it here, is why was Ron Killings that important? Couldn’t they have taken someone else and put him in his spot? Nobody cared about who The Rock was wrestling, they just wanted to see him wrestle. It just seems like a pointless consolation by Vince McMahon, especially with the can of worms it will and likely has opened up. Believe me, I don’t think one person who was buying the Survivor Series would have changed their plans because R-Truth wasn’t on the show.

The kicker in all of this is that not only did Truth stick around to collect those paydays while the WWE continued cashing in on him as a main-eventer, but he’ll come back an even bigger star! The injury angle will make him a bigger star and a top babyface.

Headlining certainly has its priviledges.

WWE: Survivor Series 2011 DVD

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-If I may have the freedom to rant here, back when someone like Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Rock won the WWE Title, it was something that you and your buddies talked about at work or school the next day. Last night, CM Punk, the current WWE Merchandise Champion, was given a healthy win over Alberto Del Rio in Survivor Series’ semi-main, and became WWE Champion for the second time. Of course, the moment was forgotten within minutes, as all of the focus was now on The Rock and John Cena, the former in a cameo role, the latter as a good talent whose interminable push has jaded more than half of the fanbase, despite being marketed as the Hogan/Austin/Rock archetype. While the fans assiduously spent the summer clamoring for Punk to get Vince McMahon’s eye, the boss seems content to try and shatter buyrate records with Cena/Rock, which it might possibly. But while Vince is focused on one event, he’s ignoring the buttress of talent and booking underneath that are needed to sustain longterm growth. If he’s wondering why Raw can’t do ratings over a 4.0 anymore, maybe he should take a gander at something other than the main event scene, and Twitter, and work to build a stronger total brand. Relegating Punk’s big moment at MSG as an afterthought, one that lacked the chatter of an Austin or Rock moment from over a decade ago, just isn’t smart business. Maybe tonight they can make the win mean more, but based on recent patterns, I won’t hold my breath.

-Live from Hershey, PA, the land of chocolate.

Opening Segment: CM Punk – New WWE Champion
Punk regales us with the story of “first grader” Phil Brooks, who proclaimed he wanted to be a professional wrestler when he grew up. He notes that he didn’t say “sports entertainer”, so that insider ship hasn’t sailed yet, apparently. Punk has also promised that the game of “Hot Potato” for the WWE title is over with, and that the championship is his to keep. Punk declares himself the “New Face of WWE”, whether or not the office likes it. Punk also promises to be an ‘agent of change’ for WWE as Champion, demanding his ice cream bars, but more important: he wants Johnny Ace fired. This brings Ace out, not understanding what the champ’s issue is with him. Punk compares Ace to Lumberg from Office Space, making me smile. Ace books Del Rio-Punk for next week, which Punk shrugs off, asking if he can have it now. Ace says tonight, instead, Punk will face Dolph Ziggler, champ vs. champ. Punk lambasts Ace for that call, saying the fans don’t want to see that. Fans chant “WE WANT RYDER”, so Punk demands that Ziggler defend his US Title against Ryder. Ace says Ryder is facing Del Rio instead. Punk nonchalantly declares that he’s going to beat Ziggler, then beat Del Rio then, one day….someone is going to beat Ace. I wonder who?
SEGMENT RATING: 8/10. I like it. My earlier rant may come in handy if they drop the ball, but for now, it makes Punk look like the undisputed face of the show, and it gives him room to work with it.

Editor’s note: Check out CM Punk on my buddy Jimmy Traina’s Hot Mustard podcast.

Match 1: Alberto Del Rio vs. Zack Ryder
Nice touch with Ryder decking Ricardo during the introductions just to get a WWWYKI in. Ryder plays plucky underdog early on, with Del Rio working the arm. Booker takes up for “Z-Ryde” by bringing up his US Title petition being one of the most signed in “internet history”. How could they know that? Ryder misses a Ruff Ryder, and takes an enzuigiri and cross armbreaker for the quick loss.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio via Cross Armbreaker
RATING: 4/10. I realize Del Rio had to look strong, but it too short to reward fan interest in Ryder.

Match 2: Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger
Their match was fun last week, and they had an issue from last night (Sheamus DQed for ignoring a count, so he took Swagger out with the Brogue Kick out of anger), so hey….CONTINUITY! Sheamus dominates with strikes in the early going, and the camera work makes me think Sheamus is going to attempt a plancha. Perish the thought. Match slows down unexpectedly, and Swagger works submissions while Vickie shrieks a lot. I can only imagine her screams when she saw just how much Botox her daughter put into her forehead. Match drags a bit in Swagger’s double tiger armlock, but Sheamus powers out and mounts the standard big man comeback. Crowd is sadly dying after such a hot opening. Bust out the plancha, Sheamus! Counter of moves leads to an ankle lock for Swagger, bringing the crowd to life. Sheamus escapes, and the Brogue Kick kills Swagger dead. Crowd loved it.
WINNER: Sheamus via Brogue Kick
RATING: 5/10. Picked up near the end. Down from last week’s effort, but it served the purpose of keeping the Sheamus train rolling.

NOTE: WWE ’12 has “predator technology”. I can’t wait to shapeshift in the jungle in kill Jesse Ventura.

Talk Segment: Kevin Nash
Nash admits he watched Survivor Series, after much stumbling over his words. Seriously, just ditch the scripts and let the talent talk naturally. Nash reminisces about his history at MSG (Beating Backlund, Curtain Call), and talks about how Triple H changed. Nash is now yelling, which is putting his patella tendons at risk. Nash ends the short speech by saying he was the real survivor of the Kliq. Okay.
SEGMENT RATING: 2/10. Nash gets two puts for not having a spinal stroke and blowing out both knees trying to steady the mic. Sometimes it’s good to reward small things.

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Match 3: Cody Rhodes vs. Santino Marella (non title match)
Rhodes begins with a speech about how losing the mask has unbound his confidence, and he adds that wonderful devilish laugh to punctuate it. If any of you could get me that Santino gi-shirt for Christmas, I’d greatly appreciate it. Cross Rhodes finishes quick.
WINNER: Cody Rhodes via Cross Rhodes
RATING: 2/10. A noble squash, but the show’s beginning to lose steam.

Afterward, Rhodes tells off Booker T at ringside and attacks him with a beverage, before Rhodes leaves without further incident. Rhodes and Booker? I’m down. Especially if it reunites Book-Dust.

Match 4: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler (non title)
If this match goes twenty-five minutes, the show gets an automatic thumbs up. Ziggler now has a remixed version of his Downstait theme, which still sounds awesome. It’s like Saliva without a disgusting fat guy singing. Match begins with a mat sequence and feeling out process while the crowd chants for Punk. Sequence ends with something resembling a stand-off as Ziggler bails. Different from a typical World Title match on Raw, at least. Ziggler takes control and the crowd chants for Punk some more. Ziggler works a chinlock, and Punk escapes, but takes a shot to the gut for 2. Punk countered a neckbreaker with a backslide for 2. Ziggler then applies a Crippler Crossface, but Punk manages to escape. Vickie blows a kiss at Punk to try and distract him. Punk has none of it, but ends up going knee first into the corner. Ziggler does a headstand to show off as we go to commercial. Back from break, Ziggler works another chinlock, and the crowd buzzes for Punk. Punk escapes, and deals a wicked back kick to the gut (“AWWWWWWW” says the crowd). Ziggler counters a GTS into a sleeperhold. Punk escapes, but Ziggler gets a sunset roll for 2 when the ref sees him using the ropes. Punk adds a cradle for 2. Zig Zag blocked, and Punk gets the knee/bulldog combo for 2. Ziggler rolls away before Punk can attempt the Savage elbow, and catches a pursuant Punk with a SICK dropkick for a close 2. To the top rope, where Ziggler looks for a superplex, but Punk resists with punches and knocks Dolph off. Savage elbow follows for 2, and the crowd was BUYING that as the pin. Ziggler manages an inverter powerslam for 2, and the crowd is hanging on every big move. Ziggler gets frustrated and angrily stomps away, but a mistake leads to the GTS and the pin.
WINNER: CM Punk via Go to Sleep
RATING: 10/10. A damn good match, about ****-****1/4 if you ask the nerdtastic side of me. Punk and Ziggler are to 2011 what Bret and Perfect are to 1991. They are the heart and soul of WWE.

Talk Segment: Big Show
Unless Show sings “Cara Mia” out of his rectum, he’s not topping Punk and Ziggler. Unless he reenacts the top rope elbow, of course. Show brags about Henry being carted out with the busted ankle, but says that Henry may not have a broken ankle after all. If that’s the case, Show has the WMD waiting for him.
SEGMENT RATING: 5/10. Enjoyable and to the point. You know, I approve of this new method of cutting promos. It’s like the old style of “stand-up studio promos” from WWF Challenge, but on the stage in front of the crowd. They’re effective.

Match 5: Wade Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston
I also love the insert promos, as well as the way Barrett says “Berritt Barr-odge”. Barrett and Kingston have an early exchange and Wade gets the upper hand, attempting Wasteland before Randy Orton makes his way out as a distraction. Barrett becomes apprehensive as we hit the commercial. Back to action and Barrett’s wearing Kingston down, despite Orton’s looming presence. Barrett manages to hit a beautiful twisting sidewalk slam, similar the Black Hole Slam, for 2. Kingston’s taking a lengthy beating, so it’d be kind of cheap if he won, especially if Barrett winds up just being fodder for Orton to pummel. Match slows to a near crawl, as the crowd is merely waiting for Orton to somehow screw Barrett over. Barrett is floored by a low bridge, and Kofi compounds it with a head first suicide dive, sparking things a bit. Back inside, Barrett attempts a top rope Wasteland, but gets shoved off and Kofi lands a cross body for 2. Boom Drop connects. Barrett lands Wasteland after Kofi awkwardly falls off the ropes and….gets the win? Hey, color me surprised. Barrett and Orton share a staredown, which is better than the usual “50/50” booking I was anticipating. Barrett rubs his victory in Orton’s face afterward, and the crowd chants for Orton to get in there and attack. Instead, Orton glares at him and makes a small lunge, but nothing more, before leaving.
WINNER: Wade Barrett via Wasteland
RATING: 6/10. A good TV match despite the slow spots. I think the Orton/Barrett payoff will be better than their matches from a year ago.

Main Event Interview: John Cena
Cena gets a nice smattering of cheers with the usual boos tonight. Cena puts over Punk and Ryder, which seems a tad bit condescending, or even like he’s trolling for love. But with that said, Cena gets to the main topic: he and The Rock. Yada yada yada Survivor Series ends with a Rock Bottom. Cena goes to hype WrestleMania, and The Awesome Truth interrupt. Miz and Truth waste no time mocking Cena for the fans rallying behind Rock over him. “You say you can’t see me; last night: NOBODY wanted to see you” – Miz. Cena seems to be taking more exception than usual to Miz and Truth’s mockery of him, and comes back with some rather catty insults. Cena then says that nobody cares about Miz and Truth, and goes to shoot each man’s ego into the toilet with a reality check. In a weird ending, Cena serves them both and “reveals” what Miz and Truth REALLY think of each other before leaving, allowing Miz and Truth to argue it out in the ring. Miz shoves Truth, and Truth shoves Miz down. Miz tries to reason with Truth that Cena’s playing them against each other, and they rush backstage to get Cena, but on the way up the ramp, Miz spikes Truth with the Skull Crushing Finale.
SEGMENT RATING: 6/10. Enjoyable, but would mean more if Miz and Truth hadn’t been partners for a scant three months. Also, there’s no payoff for the angle where Ace kept letting them back into the building. It feels like a few months worth of TV has been flushed away.

OVERALL: Almost no dull spots tonight, and a hell of a Punk-Ziggler match to boot. I’m looking forward to the two title matches next week, as well as the Orton/Barrett feud, and seeing where they take the Awesome Truth split from here. It’s wrestling, not rocket science, and WWE has delivered for two straight nights. Let’s try and keep it this way.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for WrestlingNewsSource.com and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

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-Apologies for skipping out last week. Eric didn’t want to accept my hybrid Eagles game/Raw rant review, so I just missed Raw entirely and got to watch my Eagles blow another fourth quarter lead. Lesson learned: spurning Eric Gargiulo has dire consequences. Ask Jimmy Hoffa. Oh yeah, I went there.

-Also, with Raw in Boston tonight, there is an “Occupy WWE” movement taking place outside the TD Garden, and I’m speaking with the ringleader via Twitter. It may seem a bit silly, but it’s certainly more topical and less stare than some of the hackneyed bile that Vince McMahon and Kevin Dunn have been regurgitating. The movement can be found here (http://occupywwe.tumblr.com/) and their Twitter here (http://twitter.com/OccupyWWE). If anything timely happens in tonight’s demonstration, I’ll insert it in the rant. Until then, give the folks a follow. They seem earnest enough.

-Live from Boston, former home of Jonathan Papelbon.

Opening Segment: Michael Cole Challenge
Finally, we get the payoff for this inanity. Hopefully, this ends Vince McMahon’s raging hard-on for embarrassing Jim Ross, but I won’t count my chickens. The first challenge is arm wrestling, which should be for Jesse Ventura’s trophy. After mucho stalling by Cole, Ross firmly slams his hand down in a millisecond. The next contest is a dance competition, and Cole….well, he dances better than Vince. Then again, comatose homing pigeons can dance better than Vince. Jim Ross decides to get low to amusement of no one (well, maybe it was KINDA humorous….) and the crowd easily votes him the winner. The last contest is a “Who Weighs Less” contest, since Cole is the heel, stacking the contest and all. Cole weighs in at 200 lbs, whereas JR weighs 239. Cole declares himself the winner, but CM Punk (the new Stone Cold, I called it) makes his way out. Punk says that Cole was just going to stack the contest and waste everyone’s time, because everyone knows that JR is a better announcer than Cole. Punk says he wants Cole gone, because Raw is getting unbearable. As Punk continues the dress-down, Johnny Ace makes his way out to chastise Punk, and Punk offers a hearty “screw you”. Ace makes Punk and Big Show vs. Del Rio and Mark Henry for tonight. I wonder if they remember that Punk and Show were enemies last year. Cole wants an apology from Punk, and gets an Anaconda Vice instead. I guess this means we get JR.
SEGMENT RATING: 7/10. Hey, it showcased Cole at his snarky finest, and it was better than the usual Cena talk segments. Different can be good.

Oh, and Mick Foley is back. So much for those interviews he did in 2008 saying he didn’t need WWE, the Hall of Fame, etc.

Match 1: Sin Cara/Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes/Hunico
It’s like Survivor Series Showdown from 1990, except not. I dig Hunico’s “Konnan in 1997” look, but hopefully he has an actual work ethic. Dual planchas from “Sinful Paradise” takes us into commercial. Back from break and Cody is in control on Cara. We learn that “MICK FOLEY” is trending on Twitter. Then again, so is “GOT AIDS”. What can I infer from this? Cara finally manages the hot tag, and Kingston and Rhodes go at it, with Kofi hitting the sky high cross body. Give these two a few months to feud over the IC title and you can REALLY resurrect the belt. Rhodes steals the match with the Cross Rhodes.
WINNERS: Cody Rhodes and Hunico via Cross Rhodes
RATING: 5/10. Just hype for Survivor Series and nothing more.

Match 2: Dolph Ziggler vs. Mason Ryan (non title match)
In a perfect world, Ziggler beats Ryan in 14 seconds when Mason tears both quads while sneezing. Also, Johnny Ace throws JR out and allows Cole his seat back, just so the fans have less to enjoy. Ryan overpowers Ziggler to Vince McMahon’s faptastic joy, but certainly not the crowd’s. Vickie slaps Ryan and draws the cheap DQ. At least Ziggler wasn’t pinned. John Morrison heaves Dolph Ziggler back into the ring, and Ryan nearly blows a full nelson slam, almost breaking Ziggler’s neck. Send that clown back for more training.
WINNER: Mason Ryan via DQ
RATING: 1/10. Mason Ryan is as useless as an umbrella in a fiery apocalypse.

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In Ring Segment: Mick Foley’s Return
Hey, that guy who swore off WWE in 2008 and promised to help TNA reach the promised land came back without an ounce of reprisal from people calling him out on his hypocrisy! That NEVER happens! Foley hypes up The Rock and John Cena (who gets booed in his hometown), and basically panders to try and get the crowd to cheer for Cena. Wonder if he misses hanging around Curry Man and Shark Boy yet. Anywho, Cena makes his way out. Cena says that Rock isn’t his friend, but Foley seems hellbent on trying to get them to mend fences. Foley goes as far as to list off Cena’s backstage acumen of respect, and the crowd is still lukewarm on cheering him. Foley: “I think you’re one of the very best to ever step inside this ring”. Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOO!” Anyway, it turns into John Cena’s “This Is Your Life” and I don’t forsee the 8.1 rating that the Rock one from 1999 got being matched. This montage of Cena childhood footage is making me sleepy. Voice #1 comes from Cena’s old little league coach, and I have no patience right now. The punchline: Cena struck out in a crucial situation. Can we call him C-Rod? Voice #2: BULL “BLING BLING” BUCHANAN! I TAKE IT BACK! SEGMENT OF THE YEAR! Bull calls Cena his best partner ever. I don’t know, you also teamed with Stevie Richards AND Sniper. Anyway, Bull’s life apparently went down the hopper, and it ended when his dog gave him rabies. Man, that’s tough luck! Voice #3 is John Cena Sr, who sounds eerily just like him. Cena Sr chastises the fans for chanting “Cena Sucks” and points out his boy’s work ethic. Cena Jr, however, downplays the crowd hate, as he usually does in his typical “aw shucks” fashion. Finally, The Rock comes out, drops Foley, and simply leaves. Uhh…..that’s the payoff?
SEGMENT RATING: 5/10. Had some comedy value until the pointless ending. That was twenty five minutes of wasted time, except for Bull’s funny downfall and Cena Sr’s spirited speech.

Match 3: Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger
Now THIS could be fun if they give it time. Even if it’s short, give me “spirited”. Power match to begin, with Sheamus getting the upper hand. After the throwback fun of Crimson and Matt Morgan at Turning Point last night, I wouldn’t mind some more “hoss brawls” to spice things up, as long as the talent is there. Swagger comes back after the commercial with some vicious shoulderblocks, and then tries to wear down Sheamus with submissions. Sheamus comes back and mauls Swagger with a corner attack and powerslam for 2. Swagger escapes the Celtic Cross and gets the pump splash, followed by the ankle lock, but Sheamus kicks his way out. Irish Curse backbreaker, followed by the Brogue Kick for the decisive win.
WINNER: Sheamus via Brogue Kick
RATING: 7/10. Give these two a longer match. As I said, a power brawl with the right people is usually fun to watch. This was a nice teaser.

Match 4: Natalya vs. Kelly Kelly
Kelly Kelly is so over with the crowd, which is why she has to wear a Tom Brady cutoff jersey. Because she’s so over, you know. Natalya tries the Sharpshooter, Kelly cradles her and pins her in under a minute. Yeah.
WINNER: Kelly Kelly via cradle
RATING: 0/10. At least I have Velvet Sky, Gail Kim, Winter, and Mickie James on Thursdays

Match 5: Alberto Del Rio & Mark Henry vs. CM Punk & Big Show
Del Rio attacked Punk in the locker room before the match to try and derail him before Survivor Series. If they’re serious about pushing Punk, he’ll just shake it off like Cena does with every beatdown he’s received since 2006. Punk comes out holding the arm, but no else worse for wear. Fair enough. Huge CM Punk chant, the most the crowd has been alive in an hour. Show and Del Rio kick it off, and Show simply dominates. Punk comes in and maims Del Rio. Kinda question having this match for free so early. Double tags bring in the other World Title participants. Slower hoss fight ensues. Show throws Henry down to a sizeable cheer. Match slows down as Show becomes monster-in-peril. Show manages to fight Henry off and tries for the WMD, but Henry tags Del Rio, who refuses to enter as we hit a commercial. Back from break and Henry is tagged in to stomp Punk, who obviously was beaten down during the adverts. Punk ends up taking a nasty tilt a whirl backbreaker from Del Rio. Punk and Show go all Gumblel to Gumbel on the heels, but Henry catches Punk with the WSS. Show fights Henry away, and Del Rio steals the pin. Guess Punk’s winning Sunday then? *sigh* another quick change? Del Rio adds the Cross Armbreaker afterward to further injure the shoulder.
WINNERS: Alberto Del Rio and Mark Henry via World’s Strongest Slam
RATING: 6/10. Formula, but decent.

In Ring Segment: Santino Marella
Great, MORE talking. I do dig Marella’s modified gi t-shirt, though. Marella talks about how close he was to winning the Royal Rumble in this city earlier in the year. As he vows to avenge his Rumble loss, Kevin Nash makes his way out. Great. Nash requests a trombone and punks Marella out as he attempts one. Great, the crowd’s cheering Nash. When he’s holding the title, you can blame Boston. He complains about not getting hired, despite the crowd loving him in Boston, and he Jackknifes Marella. Well worth the time!
SEGMENT RATING: 2/10. I think my watch is broken, like both of Nash’s kneecaps.

Main Event (I Guess): Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton.
Barrett brings out Rhodes, Swagger, Ziggler, and Hunico, while Orton has Sheamus, Sin Cara, Kingston, and Ryan. I wish we could go back to the all Survivor format one year, but this match has potential. 3 to 1 odds Ryan and/or Sheamus get DQed. Glad to see Orton, Kingston, and Sheamus are all friends now. Barrett dominates early, but we’re just stalling until we get to Rock’s segment at the end, so look for a schmozz. Sure enough, Orton takes over and gets the elevated DDT, followed by his spastic viper taunt. Everyone hits the ring for the schmozz DQ, clearly. Faces clean house, just to build to Survivor Series.
WINNER: No contest
RATING: 4/10. Sheer build and nothing more.

Actual Main Event: The Rock Talks
Justin Roberts gives The Rock the worst possible intro ever. We get it, Kevin Dunn likes Roberts’ cheekbones and peppiness. Rock smiles, because he knows he’s catching a flight back to Inglewood in forty-five minutes. Rock highlights his day for everyone interested, and panders more than he usually does. Rock hits the Cena insults while the fans chant “THANK YOU ROCK”, and then he coerces a “BOOTS TO ASSES” chant. I’m noticing a difference in eras here, in terms of how much freedom performers had thirteen years ago to work the crowds. Rock calls out Awesome Truth, and Miz immediately hits him with the “Reallys”. Truth calls tonight’s Raw a joke, thus making him my temporary hero. Miz threatens Rock with a beating, but balks on doing it now, preferring to do it at Survivor Series. Cena arrives for the High Noon moment, finally putting all four in the ring together. Cena trashes Rock for his ‘via satellite’ messages, and Rock fires back by mocking Cena’s young fanbase, then threatens an ass-whooping. Cena brings it around to them having to team up, and if Rock gets out of line, Cena promises to bitch slap. Miz interjects, having enough of Rock and Cena hogging the limelight. A fight ensues, and R-Truth eats a Rock Bottom, as does Miz, which totally makes me want to order Survivor Series. Rock and Cena have a staredown to end it.
SEGMENT RATING: 6/10. Some lines were funny, but it’s quite counterproductive. We get it, more people will order to see Rock wrestle than to see a competitive match, but can’t WWE just lie a little and give the heels the benefit of the doubt?

OVERALL: These three hour shows need to stop. You could have fit most of the better stuff into two hours just fine, without the This is Your Life segment, or some of the matches involving those in the elimination match. For something hyped as a special Raw, it sure didn’t feel special.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for WrestlingNewsSource.com and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

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RAW kicked off with the face of the WWE, John Cena, out to a surprisingly negative reaction. I guess the Liverpool fans are anti Cena unlike the fans back home in the states. Unsurprisingly, Cena discusses the WrestleMania 28 ticket sales and the absence of Survivor Series tag team partner, The Rock. Cena states that Rock will be on RAW live next week in Boston, Massachusetts.

We’re promoting next week’s RAW at the start of this show?

Cena discusses the “importance” of the first RAW in Liverpool and intends on creating some magic. Cena then mentions Awesome Truth and his mystery partner he penned as a future hall of famer. Awesome Truth interrupts with Miz cutting his typical promo. Mizanin mentions Awesome Truth’s recent attacks on Cena and their matchup at WrestleMania 27. Man, was this guy stumbling in this promo.

Miz wants to leave a lasting impression while Truth discusses the Little Jimmies while informing Cena that he’s going to get got at Survivor Series.

They argue with Cena putting over his mystery partner like a million bucks. As Awesome Truth is preparing to attack Cena, Zack Ryder intervenes. A short brawl ensued with Truth getting a Rough Ryder.

Yeah, who’s surprised that it was Ryder? However, it makes sense considering Awesome Truth destroyed Ryder two weeks ago.

Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero make their way towards the squared circle in what would undoubtedly be the match of the night. To my surprise, John Morrison is introduced as Ziggler’s opponent.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison

Initially, Ziggler and Morrison chain, with both competitors using a string of submissions. Ziggler dominates Morrison for the majority of the match while JoMo is showing signs of his ECW wrestling style. Morrison, who has been labeled a spot monkey on occasion, was grounded through its entirety. Ziggler came off as a star as usual but I’m surprised that the crowd was split.

The commentators spent most of this match discussing twitter, Zack Ryder, and Morrison’s losing streak.

Shockingly, Morrison picks up the win after a crucifix.

Winner: John Morrison

I’m surprised Morrison picked up the win with the numerous stories of his departure making waves on the dirt sheets. It’s great that the WWE is digging this guy of the hole they put him in. On the other hand, Dolph came off as a star yet again but I don’t think we can classify his loss as a losing streak yet. I expect Morrison to be inserted into the Ryder/Ziggler match at Survivor Series for the U.S. Championship.

They formally announce Team Barrett vs. Team Orton for Survivor Series. I’m confused as to why it’s Team Barrett instead of Rhodes or Christian. Wasn’t Orton feuding with Rhodes?

Mason Ryan vs. JTG

This was a typical squash match with Mason Ryan decimating JTG with a string of power moves before finishing him off with a full nelson slam.

Winner: Mason Ryan

There isn’t much to say about this matchup. I guess the WWE wanted to make Mason Ryan look strong by defeating someone who hasn’t appeared on RAW since being drafted there earlier this year.

We get a random Zack Ryder/Bella’s segment backstage with Ryder mentioning his main event tag team match with John Cena. The Bella’s join Ryder in a “woo woo woo” before we cut to commercial.

Michael Cole informs the audience that Jim Ross wasn’t allowed to travel with his BBQ sauce and the Michael Cole Challenge will take place next week. Yeah, I’m pretty sure fans care about that.

Alberto Del Rio makes his entrance and is facing Kofi Kingston for the tenth time this year.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi administers a small amount of offense but is eventually weakened by a missed suicide dive. Kofi is selling an arm injury with Del Rio focusing on it throughout the remainder of the matchup. Kofi battles back, utilizing his signature top rope cross body but misses a TIP attempt. Del Rio targets Kofi’s arm again before submitting Kingston with a botched cross arm breaker.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

I can’t say I’m surprised Del Rio squashed Kingston. For one, Kingston is probably in hot water because of Evan Bourne’s wellness violation. Besides that, WWE is doing its best to draw heel heat for Del Rio but its not working.
Unsurprisingly, Del Rio commences his post match beat down, applying the cross arm breaker to Kingston again.

The Voice of the Voiceless, CM Punk, makes his way to the squared circle to a huge pop from the live audience.

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Punk gives Del Rio a verbal thrashing with Del Rio complaining about the events of last week. Del Rio asks Punk to cancel the WWE Title match because Johnny Ace and David Otunga said he could. Punk reminds Del Rio that it was Kevin Nash’s actions that cost him the WWE Championship in the first place.

Del Rio commands respect because he’s the WWE Champion before Punk commends Del Rio as a great competitor but tells him that he’s one dimensional on the mic. He mentions Del Rio’s destinies while informing the WWE Champion that no one cares about him or what he says.

Del Rio says he doesn’t care before asking Punk to cancel the match. Berto attacks Punk after he declines but Punk fights him off before he can apply the cross arm breaker. Ricardo Rodriguez intervenes but taste another Go 2 Sleep.

This was a pretty good segment with Punk doing Del Rio on the microphone. You know, Del Rio tries so hard to pass himself off as the WWE Champion but I still feel he’s a glorified mid carder who should’ve spent more time in the mid card before rushed to the main event.

After a commercial break, WWE airs some footage of last week’s RAW. Swagger still has sour grapes due to his loss to lifetime jobber, Santino Marella.

Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

This was a joke match with both men administering a decent amount of offense. I guess JoMo wasn’t the only one watching ECW tape as Swagger pulled out his first finisher, the Blue Thunder Bomb. Santino fights back with his signature jabs and split before Swagger sends him flying into the ring post shoulder first.

Swagger applies the Ankle lock and Marella taps.

Winner: Jack Swagger

Why was this match on RAW? Couldn’t Swagger have taken on someone from the opposing Survivor Series team?

Anyway, Kelly Kelly is apparently on her way to the ring as we cut to a commercial.

Jerry Lawler introduces Kelly as the cover girl for the next issue of Maxim. Kelly discusses her time in the WWE and her determination to become a better WWE Diva. The Divas of Doom interrupt Kelly, referring to her as a Barbie doll. Kelly fires back, stating that she wouldn’t interrupt the DOD if they were on the cover on National Geographic.

Beth says that Kelly gives fans a false impression of what a WWE Diva is and informs Kelly that is crying time. The DOD evacuate as Alicia Fox (who apparently has gone through a Mr. Anderson turn) and Eve Torres intervene.

Alicia questions the DOD’s decision to leave as they’ll miss the unveiling. Eve and Alicia unveil the cover as we cut to a commercial.

This segment was unneeded and I felt I could’ve gone without it. This constant bullying of Kelly Kelly is forcing me to question the WWE’s decision to sponsor the Be A Star campaign.

John Laurinaitis introduces his latest signee in Kevin Nash as Big Daddy Cool thanks Funkman for bringing him back. Nash says that he doesn’t own anyone but Triple H an explanation for his actions. He discusses his history with Triple H and felt that he should’ve buried him back then. He says that HBK changed his opinion of Triple H and they allowed him to join the Kliq.

He talks about Hunter’s wedding, his return at the Rumble, and his proposition to bring back the Kliq to Triple H. Nash claims that Triple H ignored and betrayed him before claiming that the Game would be nothing without him.

If the promo wasn’t already a complete disaster, Nash continues his confused tirade. Big Daddy Cool mentions his contract, the attack on Triple H, and the fact that he could be Champion on any given night.

Kevin Nash apparently showed Triple H how to play the game.

I can’t speak for others but I felt this promo was absolutely dreadful. Nash seemed confused and discombobulated for the most part while failing to remain on one clearly subject. I often criticize the WWE for scripted promos but incidents like this call for them.

Finally, it’s time for the debut of Brodus Clay as another vignette airs.

David Otunga and John Laurinaitis are discussing Clay’s debut before Ace informs him that Brodus is special and he refuses to waste him in Liverpool.

CM Punk insults Ace, claiming he was ignorant to what the crowd wants. Punk mentions John’s plan with Alberto to cancel the WWE Title match before turning his attention to Otunga. Otunga tells Punk that the WWE Champion shouldn’t look like a guy that works at a gas station. Punk attacks Otunga but is quickly thwarted by Del Rio.

A brawl ensues with Punk being sent through the catering table. Del Rio hammers Punk until officials pull the Mexican Aristocrat away from the Chicago native.

I don’t have a problem with this segment. It explains the absence of Brodus Clay and gives Alberto a little momentum going in Survivor Series. I’d be lying if I said he didn’t need it as Punk has been dominating him physically and verbally since this feud started. David Otunga appearing backstage and not in the ring, he’s okay in my book.

Honestly, I would’ve rather watched Brodus destroy some random jobber instead of listening to Nash’s promo.

Awesome Truth vs. John Cena and Zack Ryder

This was a typical tag team matchup. Awesome Truth controlled a major portion of this match with Ryder and Cena getting in a significant amount of offense. The finish saw Cena hoist Miz up for the Attitude Adjustment only to have Miz counter it while Truth held Cena’s legs down for the win.

If Awesome Truth can’t beat Cena and Zack Ryder cleanly, what is the point of Survivor Series? The show does revolve around this one match.

Overall/Random thoughts: Though better than last week’s RAW, this episode was mediocre. Most of the matches featured were randomly thrown together while only two were produced to further storylines. I know the SD crew was touring elsewhere but the WWE could’ve swapped superstars for this edition. John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler was undoubtedly the match of the night. If you’re looking for something positive in terms of match quality, I recommend it (especially Morrison fans). I still feel Jack Swagger could’ve been used better tonight to further the impending 5 on 5 traditional Survivor Series matchup. Kofi Kingston shouldn’t be punished for the actions of his partner. The WWE should also address the tag team title situation as it would be foolish to ignore the division for thirty days. Zack Ryder in the main event is great considering he put himself in the position.

Since next week’s RAW is three hours and the go home show for Survivor Series, they should pull out every asset they have. Remember, this is one of the big four pay per views.

Be sure to check out my person blog here for articles on John Morrison, John Cena, CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler etc.
You can also follow me on Twitter @HEELRiZE

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