As weird as it sounds, I had a dream about watching this episode, and it was beyond awful. All I can say is that, if the show ends with four unknown fata$$es in a tag team match, I’m going to be very upset.

Sting and Hulk Hogan are in Hogan’s office. Hogan wishes he could be by Sting’s side for BFG. Hogan goes over the situation, and tells Sting to put a bullet in Aces and Eights. Sting is going to watch every match tonight, and make his choice for a partner based on the match results. Sting tells Hogan that, if he sees someone that looks good, let him know.

Mr. Anderson makes his way out, likely to complain about Samoa Joe beating his ass last week and knocking him out. Instead, he tells Sting and Hogan that they might want to gather around the monitor for this one, then does his stupid routine. Yeah, that was something special. How could Hogan and Sting NOT choose him with that performance? Oh, he has a match coming up? Well, I still stand by my point that he sucks.

MATCH 1: Mr. Anderson vs. Gunner (w/Kid Kash)
Gunner immediately attacks Anderson, firing off some punches in the corner. Anderson comes back with a clothesline, back elbow and swinging neckbreaker for 1. Gunner comes back with more punches and a back elbow. I swear sometimes he has no other offense. Anderson lands a dropkick, and Gunner rolls to the floor. Outside, Anderson is distracted by Kash, allowing Gunner to nail a double axe handle from behind. We see Sting watching on as Gunner throws Anderson back into the ring. Back elbow off the ropes gets 2. Gunner applies a rear chinlock/armbar combo. He whips Anderson into the corner, but misses an avalanche. He fights out of a rolling fireman’s carry, but runs right into the Mic Check for 3.

WINNER: Mr. Anderson. Kash runs in and begins stomping Anderson, but Anderson blocks a clothesline and drops Kash with the Mic Check.

Tara is in the back, talking to her boyfriend on her phone. She mentiones Stacy and George breaking up. Gail Kim interrupts her call, saying they have a tag match later. Tara says she and her boyfriend should double with Kim and her cable television star husband. Tara then calls Torrie and A-Rod.

MATCH 2: Gail Kim and Tara vs. Knockouts Tag Team Co-Champion ODB and Knockouts Champion Miss Tessmacher
Can someone explain to Tara that the purpose of garters is to hold up stockings (which she doesn’t have on)? ODB and Kim start, with ODB chest-bumping Kim to the ground. ODB throws Kim to the corner and lands an avalanche. She goes for the Bammm! early, but Kim fights out. ODB blocks a kick and lands a clothesline, followed by a bodyslam. Tessy tags in and sends Kim into the corner with a Dropsh*t, followed by a stinkface. ODB tags in and goes for a bronco buster, but Kim gets out of the way. Tara tags in, and ODB hits a hard corner whip, followed by a bronco buster. Tara goes for a dropkick off the ropes, but ODB holds on, dropping Kim with a forearm in the process. Tara clubs her from behind before landing some mounted punches and tagging Kim back in. Kim botches a European uppercut (?) before sending ODB into the corner and hitting her with the shoulder thrust she does that winds up with her standing on the apron. Tara calls for a tag, and Kim waves her off. Flying clothesline gets 2. Tara tags herself in and begins stomping ODB. ODB blocks the standing moonsault, and now both women are down. Tessy tags in and fires off some forearm shots. She hits a pair of clotheslines, and because we no longer have Kelly Kelly around, decides to do a screaming headscissors. Now, I officially hate Miss Tessmacher. Anyway, she blows the living hell out of a flying forearm before landing the Mug Shot for 2 as Kim breaks up the pin. ODB spears Kim while drinking from her flask. From the apron, Kim pulls ODB down to the floor. Tara shoves Kim into Tessy, then hits the Widow’s Peak for 3.

WINNERS: Gail Kim and Tara.

We see Al Snow and Bruce Prichard going over some kind of paperwork in the back. Prichard tells Snow to make sure to sign it before asking him to send D’Lo Brown to see him when he can.

Video package for the Joey Ryan saga.

Al Snow makes his way out. I’m guessing this is some kind of apology segment in regards to the Joey Ryan storyline. Sure enough, Snow introduces Ryan, and he’s even got his own entrance music. Snow says that, several weeks ago, he allowed his emotions to overcome his better judgment, resulting in him striking Ryan and putting himself and the company in a bad position. As a result, on behalf of TNA, he’d like to apologize for his actions. Ryan tells him to say he’s sorry. He says Snow is an office stooge, but he doesn’t want to hear an apology on behalf of TNA management; he wants to hear, “I’m sorry”. Snow says it and offers a handshake. Ryan says he’s the one in control. He calls Snow pathetic, and he manipulated Snow just like he did the 87%. Tonight’s not about Snow or the crowd; tonight is about Joey Ryan. So, Al, why don’t you go ahead and share with everyone the agreement our legal counsel came to? Snow pulls the paperwork out, and it’s a contract to become a TNA wrestler. Ryan says it’s not tough to do the right thing as he grabs the paper. Ryan asks Snow to turn around so he can sign the papers on Snow’s back. Snow obliges, and Ryan signs his contract. He tells Snow to announce him as the newest TNA superstar. Snow says he’s sorry, but Ryan should have read this more closely. Turns out, he doesn’t have a permanent spot, and the contract is for one night. The night in question is BFG, and he has the opportunity to be on the roster if he wins his match. His opponent is Snow. Gee, who didn’t see that coming?

Kurt Angle and Sting are in the back. Angle says A and E jumped him, too, and he has no problem doing double duty at BFG. Sting needs someone who has their mind and plate clear on that night. Angle CAN pull off double duty, and Sting is going to at least think about it. As Angle leaves, Bully Ray enters. He tells Sting he should be in the World title match at BFG, but he’s not because of A and E. He wants them worse than anyone else. What does he have to do to convince Sting he should be the partner? Sting tells him to make something happen. Find somebody in the back to beat up tonight. Sting needs a bully.

MATCH 3-World Television Championship: Rob Van Dam vs. Samoa Joe (Champion)
Looks like Devon finally sent the belt back to the company. Tie-up to start, with Joe shoving RVD into the corner. Joe with a waistlock takedown, which RVD counters into a leg grapevine. Joe punches his way out, and now the two trade punches. Joe nails a pair of clotheslines before sending RVD into the corner, where he hits the running hip bump/roundhouse combo. RVD comes back with some punches and tries for the leg scissors roll-up, but Joe holds on and locks in an STF. RVD gets a rope break before rolling to the floor. Joe follows, and RVD drops him with a dropkick to the knee. Joe blocks a lift over the guardrail and hits two knee lifts before sending RVD into the steps. Back in the ring, RVD blocks a corner charge with a back elbow and nails a high kick to the face before hitting a springboard side kick. Rolling Thunder to the back gets 2. He hits a spinning heel kick in the corner and goes for a monkey flip, but Joe holds on and sets RVD on the top rope. RVD kicks him away and hits a cross-body. Step-over spinning heel kick connects, and now RVD signals for the Five-Star. As RVD gets on the top, Joe quickly gets to his feet, grabs RVD and hits a running Muscle Buster for 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Samoa Joe.

AJ Styles is talking to Hernandez and Chavo Guerrero in the back, and they’re arguing about what happened last week. Chris-Zarian enter the fray and try to stir things up. Kaz oh-so-cleverly calls Chavo “Nacho Libre” before telling them that he overheard Angle saying he doesn’t even care about this match and that he can beat Chavo and Hernandez by himself.

Dixie Carter recalls her favorite BFG moments, specifically Sting winning at all of them for the first several years. Big surprise.

King Mo showed up earlier today.

Austin Aries and Jeff Hardy are in the parking lot. Aries gives a back-handed apology to Hardy for last week, saying they’re cool now. Bully Ray walks up and says he has good news and bad news. The good news is he’s not punching them right now. Bad news is he’ll do it later in the match. To prove himself to Sting, he’s going to beat the #1 contender for the World title, that being Hardy. Aries takes offense to that, saying he can prove himself by beating the champion. Ray says he already beat him, to which Aries says Ray has never beaten him cleanly. Ray says he can take the title with the snap of his fingers. Hardy suggests a triple threat tonight, and Ray likes it.

MATCH 4: Chavo Guerrero (w/Hernandez) vs. Kurt Angle (w/AJ Styles)
I haven’t heard music as generic as Chavo’s in TNA since Glenn Gilbertti’s/Sonjay Dutt’s old theme. They start off with a tie-up and trading waistlocks. Chavo gets Angle in a side headlock. Chavo lands a shoulder off the ropes before cinching in another headlock (that he nearly botches). Angle counters with a back suplex, but Chavo hangs onto the headlock. Angle gets back up and backs Chavo into the corner, where he stomps him down. Chavo comes back with some European uppercuts before getting another side headlock on Angle. Innovative stuff here. Angle hits a back body drop off the ropes. He stomps Chavo down once more before using a foot choke. Chavo gets back up and hits more punches. Angle comes back with a clothesline. Suplex gets 1 before going into a waistlock. Chavo fights out, but gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. They trade some more punches before Chavo hits a spinning headscissors (that he botches). Angle no-sells and goes for a bodyslam, but Chavo escapes and hits a dropkick. Chavo hits a forward roll for 2. Clothesline attempt, and Angle blocks it before hitting an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Chavo counters the Angle Slam with an armdrag, and follows up with a hurricanrana into the pin for 2. Chavo goes for the 3 Amigos, but only hits the first one. Angle blocks the second and connects with the Dead Guy suplexes. Chavo rolls through the ankle lock attempt and hits the 3 Amigos. Up top, Chavo misses the frog splash, allowing Angle to nail the Angle Slam. He goes for the ankle lock, and Hernandez distracts him. This is enough for Chavo to roll Angle up for the 3.

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WINNER: Chavo Guerrero. The two teams get in each other’s faces as Chris-Zarian look on from the stage, laughing. The four realize the champs are taunting them and challenge them to come down to the ring.

MATCH 5-World X-Division Championship: Douglas Williams vs. Zema Ion (Champion)
I had almost forgotten this belt exists. I know I say that a lot, but when you consider how few title matches there are on this show and how completely unremarkable Ion is, you can understand why. Ion gets in a couple of cheap shots, so Williams forearms the hell out of his face. Williams hits a couple headbutts to the gut and a European uppercut. Ion counters a bodyslam into a roll-up, but Williams holds onto the ropes and nails a running knee to the face. Clothesline over the ropes. Williams follows and gets a headlock on him with some punches, but Ion shoves him off into the ring post. Back in the ring, Williams connects with a forearm, but it hurts him as well. So, he lands a back elbow next. Ion counters a clothesline into an armbar takedown, then turns it into a hammerlock/jujigatame combo. Williams taps.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Zema Ion. Ion refuses to let go of the hold after the match, so the referee reverses the decision. Williams wins via DQ, but Ion remains champion. Ion grabs a mic and says he’s the first choice for Sting and Hogan against A and E. Well, you can take his name off the list, as he’s too good looking to risk it before saying his catchphrase, which may be worse than James Storm’s.

Video package for King Mo, and I begin to fall asleep. He’ll be out next.

In the back, we see Bruce Prichard with D’Lo Brown. Prichard has an iPad out with some video playing. He asks D’Lo who it is in the video, and D’Lo identifies him as referee Brian Stifler (I don’t know if that’s the correct spelling, nor do I care). The video is from a live event (house show) and asks who is the guy who kicked Stifler in the face. It’s Matt Morgan. Prichard wants to know why Morgan is here. D’Lo says he has no clue, but Prichard doesn’t believe him, as he shows footage of D’Lo escorting Morgan out of the building earlier in the night. He wants to know where D’Lo was the second time around before telling him this can never happen again. D’Lo promises it won’t.
James Storm now makes his way out, back in his Criss Angel outfit. The vest is beyond ridiculous. 10 days until the biggest PPV of the year, BFG. 10 days away from the biggest night of Storm’s life. 10 days away, and it will be 1 year from when his conflict with Bobby Roode started. He’s not coming to BFG to prove he’s a better wrestler or fighter; he’s coming to prove he’s the better man. It seems that the GM doesn’t like his refs to be pushed around, so a special enforcer has been inserted into this match, that being King Mo. Before Mo can come out, Roode interrupts things. He doesn’t give a damn about some Bellator fighter, and quite frankly, neither should Storm. Storm should only be thinking about getting in the ring with Roode, a man he’s never beaten and rode the coattails of for 4 years, not to mention a man he’s been jealous of his whole career. This fire has been burning for a year, and at BFG, it’s going to explode. They’ve proven over the last few weeks that no one in the company can contain it, so Hogan found King Mo. This won’t just be a match; it will be a fight, and Roode won’t stop until he knows he has ended Storm’s career. There isn’t a man on Earth who will stop him, so King Mo, if you think you’re getting in his way, you’ve got another thing coming. This is his world. He’s the It Factor of pro wrestling, and Mo will do nothing to stop him. If Mo was here right now, Roode would say it to his face.

Of course, this is the point Mo comes out. Roode gets in his face and makes fun of his outfit (rightfully so) before shoving him. Mo knocks him on his ass with a shove, so Roode backs off. Mo heads to the ring as Roode heads to the back. Mo gets in the ring and he pretends that he and Storm are going to fight, but Storm just raises his arm before sharing a beer.

Hogan’s back in his office. He tells Sting he already made his pick for BFG. Sting looks at it and says there’s still one more match tonight. He sees something in Bully Ray, and he’s going to watch this match. Hogan says he’s going to watch with him.

How much do you want to bet that the Leader of Aces and Eights turns out to be Eric Bischoff? Even with the voice changer, it sounds like him.

We see Joe Abyss tied up in the chair back at A and E’s clubhouse. He’s apparently out cold, so one of the guys throws a bucket of water on him as another one is sparking a pair of jumper cables. Black Scorpion tells Hogan that Joe is okay, just like they promised. He finds it funny that Hogan and Sting are holding an audition tonight to see who will face A and E. When he posed the question to his brotherhood, he doesn’t have to look far to see who will volunteer. Everyone in the gang is ready to die for the brotherhood. Will the guys in TNA do the same for Hogan? 10 days, they’ll reveal who their two are. The camera goes black.

MATCH 6-Triple Threat Match: Bully Ray vs. Jeff Hardy vs. World Champion Austin Aries (non-title)
The match goes to commercial before it even starts, and when we come back, Ray is in control on Hardy as Aries is on the outside. Hardy counters a suplex with his own, and Ray rolls to the floor. Aries back in, but before they can make contact, Ray drags Hardy to the floor and throws him into the ring post. Ray in the ring, and Aries beats him down. Ray comes back with a back elbow, but runs into a pair of boots in the corner. Aries mounts the middle rope and hits a clothesline (that Taz calls a “top rope cross-body”). Ray counters the corner dropkick with a big boot, but Hardy comes back in and hits Poetry in Motion off Aries’ back. Hardy hits a running forearm on Ray, followed by an inverted atomic drop, double legdrop and seated dropkick. Sit-out Twist of Fate connects, and now Hardy’s going up top. Swanton bomb connects, but Aries breaks up the pin and throws Hardy to the floor. He locks Ray in the Last Chancery, and Hardy breaks that up. Aries and Hardy trade words, which allows Ray to nail a double clothesline. He throws Hardy to the floor, and Aries nails him with a rolling elbow to the back. Ray back drops him to the floor on Hardy. Ray pulls Aries back to the apron, where Aries hot shots him before hitting a missile dropkick. Aries hits the corner dropkick and signals for the brainbuster, but Ray rakes the eyes. He goes outside to get his chain, but can’t find it. Instead, he grabs the World title while calling Christy Hemme a “stupid bitch”. He sees Hardy coming in, so he moves and throws Hardy into Aries before landing the Bully Bomb on Hardy for the 3.

WINNER: Bully Ray. Aries begins laying into Hardy for screwing up again.

Up next, we find out who will be Sting’s partner.

Sting and Hogan make their way out. Despite the fact that this mainly supposed to be about Sting, Hogan’s graphics are all over the screen, making sure not too much attention is diverted from him. Hogan says to say that Aces and Eights running roughshod is an understatement. But, they’re going to play by A and E’s rules. He can’t grasp how personal this is getting. To single him out is getting too personal. If A and E wants him to watch, he’ll watch, but the one they have to worry about is the “Sting-Mon”. Believe him, Sting is going to do everything he can to keep A and E out of TNA forever. He needs a running mate. Kurt Angle wants to rip them limb from limb. Samoa Joe feels the same way. Even Bully Ray has the same agenda. At the end of the day, though, they need someone who can get the job done when it needs to be done. And tonight, the man he and Sting agreed upon delivered two Mic Checks, and that man is Mr. Anderson. Of course he is.

Hogan asks Mr. Anderson to come out and agree to it. Anderson’s music hits, but instead of him coming out, we see video of him being assault by A and E in the back. As what looked to be Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe run to check on Anderson, Bully Ray enters the ring. They picked Anderson over him? Look at what happened to the guy they picked. If Sting is going to war, he needs to go in with a warrior, and no one is more of a warrior than Bully Ray. He wants these guys worse than anyone else. They cost him the World title. Sting needs Bully Ray to fight with him, and the company needs him to fight for them. “We want Devon” chant starts. First time for everything, I guess. Ray tells Sting to convince Hogan he’s the right choice. Sting looks at Hogan and says they should go with him. Ray offers Hogan a handshake. Hogan shakes his hand, making Ray the official choice. Which means Ray will cost Sting the match, and we’ll find out he was the insider letting these guys in the building all the time.

End of show.

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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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TNA Wrestling is gearing up for a fight. The company is ready to fight to keep its biggest active wrestler on the roster, Jeff Hardy. Hardy’s contract expires in February and the company down south is doing everything they can to keep their franchise player in place.

A new report in the Wrestling Observer details the efforts that Hulk Hogan, Dixie Carter, and company are doing to re-sign Jeff Hardy. If you didn’t know about Hardy’s contract, you’d think he was solid for at least a year due to his current push. Ironically it is Hardy’s contract that was the impetus for his current push.

Hardy right now is heading into the biggest TNA pay per view of the year, Bound for Glory in the top spot. Hardy will be challenging Austin Aries for the TNA world championship. Hardy earned the title shot by winning the tournament, a decision that was at one point going to go to James Storm. In other words, the company is putting a lot of stock into a guy that may not even be around in a few months.

Dave Meltzer reports that the reason for the big push is to keep Hardy happy. The thinking is that by Hardy getting the top star treatment in TNA, he would opt to stay as opposed to leave for the WWE where he would never get that spot as long as John Cena is around. At 35 years old, you have to wonder if Hardy puts a priority on his spot over money.

Hardy left the WWE in 2009 when his contract expired. Unlike the previous time he left the company, Hardy left on his own terms. Hardy returned to TNA Wrestling just in time for the short lived Monday Night Wars. The return to TNA was a bit of a blow to the WWE who reportedly felt that Hardy was coming back.

In another strange twist of irony, Hardy was arrested on multiple drug charges just a few weeks after leaving the WWE. I say ironically because there is a possibility that the WWE would have released Hardy at the time in the face of negative publicity. Hardy eventually pled guilty to lesser charges and served 10 days in jail.

Hardy has certainly had his personal struggles. The Victory Road incident will probably go down as the lowest of his struggles. Hardy took time off and returned several months later, using the incident as part of his return angle. All reports I have read and heard is that Hardy has truly turned his life around since Victory Road and has been a model employee for TNA Wrestling.

The pink elephant in the room here is the TNA/WWE lawsuit. TNA is currently suing the WWE over leaked information and contract tampering. No TNA free agents including Ric Flair have been signed by the WWE since the lawsuit. I have to wonder if this moratorium on negotiating with ex-TNA talent will come to an end in time to talk to Jeff or if the WWE will stay out of the game in the interest of the lawsuit.

The timing couldn’t be better for Hardy. The WWE desperately needs a new big star. Going back to the well isn’t always the answer, but in this case it could work beautifully. When Hardy left he was the second most popular star in the WWE behind John Cena. Right now there is a huge gap between Cena and Randy Orton and Sheamus who are probably the two and three top babyfaces. Hardy would close that gap giving the WWE a true top babyface for the SmackDown roster and a huge boost of depth if Cena was to get hurt. Not to mention, a second go-around with CM Punk would fit in perfectly at WrestleMania. The Hardys have been vocal on Punk since leaving the WWE. The renewed rivalry would be a natural.

What do I think will happen? I think Hardy comes back to the WWE. The schedule and push in TNA are nice, but at 35-years old there won’t be many opportunities like this left for Hardy to cash in. I think Hardy signs a two-year deal and is back at WrestleMania standing across the ring from CM Punk.

Unfortunately that little thing called a lawsuit may prevent that from happening.

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Dear Dixie,

I think you are damn cute! But that’s not what this is about.

This is about how my hopes get shattered week after week. Even then I do watch your shows. And that’s saying a lot.

Remember 2008? That was the time I had actually started following TNA closely. Main Event Mafia and Frontline were the talking points then. It looked quite clumsy, but there was a lot of steam then and great matches. Sting vs Angle, the empty arena match is still my favorite match from TNA. 5 stars I gave it then.

Then you announced Hogan. Oh that was a grand scheme, wasn’t it? Monday Night Wars all over again! The same night you shocked the world by bringing Bischoff, Flair, Nash and even Hall. They were the surprises. You even got Sting to haul his @$$ up the rafters. You had it all planned, didn’t you? Crazy Chixie!

Honestly I lapped it all up. Those days I wasn’t much on the internet. So I called up my friend and said: “Guess what…blah blah blah!” I was too excited. He wasn’t. He said: “Poor Dixie. She’s dead.”

I didn’t believe him then. Though you didn’t die, Hogan and Eric nearly choked you, didn’t they? And now you got Brooke and Garret in your hands. Meanwhile Sting grew old and now looks like a joke. That Joker angle, Dixie … let’s not talk about it.

You know what Dixie? I am still in love with you and I want to see you do well in life, even if we can’t be together. So I’m gonna whisper a few sweet nothings!

First of all, keep Stinger and Hogan only if they don’t mind being around. Otherwise let them go. The worst that could happen is Sting Vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania. But the best is it would be over with that. I know you think Stinger is a tiger by the tail. Let him go and TNA is dead! Nothing would happen, my sweetie, nothing!

As for Hogan and his brood, nobody wants them. Fire them! Hey, how about you going on Impact Wrestling and say: Hogan, yo…….rrrrrrrr fired! Of course, your voice would be squeaky, but that’s ok. I love it anyways.

Considering that these things would be done, here is the plan. Let’s work top down. I mean… you know!

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

Till you introduced Aries, everything was smooth. That’s one thing you were doing right. But Aries…! Ok, so he won the title and defended it successfully. After that? Did you build enough heat for Aries – Roode rematch? Nope. You introduced Aces and 8s; a bunch of ruffians who interrupt matches and beat up other wrestlers. An idea done to death, Dixie, an idea done to death!

Solution: Don’t drag the Aces & 8′s storyline and put the title on Roode somehow. That way we can have a conclusion to Storm – Roode storyline. Hold on, on second thoughts, let Storm take the title from Aries (now that he is involved) and then Roode can make his way to the ring. Savvy?

X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP

I still remember Destination X 2009. Suicide was hot then. You gave him good air time and he simply exploded. He won the title in a match that still plays out in my mind. It was so damn good a match that I didn’t care about the main-event.

Fast forward to I don’t really remember. You see Eric Bischoff kicking a semi conscious Suicide out of the ring… boy, I mean, girl, didn’t you simply lose the plot then!

Solution: Honestly, you are so talent starved right now that I don’t know what to say. Bring back Suicide. Bring back Curry Man. Send Aries back to the fold and get AJ styles to spend some time in X division till it gets elevated to where it was. No, Styles back in X Division is not demotion, rather promotion for the Division. Aries can go back to his heel persona and challenge the veteran, AJ Styles. I’m sure you can work some story around it. I mean, it can’t be worse than the current one Styles is involved in.

TNA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

I know Roode and Storm had to move up. But then you had the perfect champions; the Motor City Machine Guns. I remember the excitement when they won the title for the first time. You could have built the whole division on it. Even if Sabin was out, you could have done a lot with it. Remember the Young Bucks or Generation Me? I thought they were the next Hardy Boys. They were damn good Dixie! But you let them go. Were they too small?

Solution: Simple. Hire back the Young Bucks. Bring back the British Invasion. Build the division around them. Even the X Division guys can participate. You can even have a ‘Hell Freezes Over’ angle involving Roode and Storm for a one off PPV. It would work, Dixie, my turtle dove, my love, it would work.

TNA TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP

Burn it! Destroy it! Melt it! Ask no more.

TNA KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP & KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM

Let’s focus on male division. Then we’ll weave in the Knockouts.

Lastly, do you know how great a draw Jeffrey Friggin’ Nero Hardy is? Girl, what a chance you had when you got Hardy straight from the WWE main event scene! The reaction he used to get in WWE was bigger than what Cena used to get so much so that he was main eventing PPVs that even involved Cena.

But – whose idea was it? Turn Hardy heel? Eric’s? Russo’s? Hogan’s?

I don’t care if he’s trouble. He is the one man who can put you back on track. Take him off air for the time being. Bring him back after a few months as a face. Remember, Face!

Oh and one more thing. Do something useful with Mr. Anderson. Anderson. Such a talent! The man did one of the most memorable gimmicks in the history of the sport by dressing up as surfer Sting. A gimmick that would have taken him to heights had he been a face. But… well!

Sorry, just remembered! It was sometime in 2010. It was a match involving the Band, Hardy and RVD. It was the main event. It ended with a 16 foot elbow drop by a man who was truly coming into his own; Eric Young. A 16 foot elbow drop, Dixie, 16 foot! And how did you reward him? Off the rocker gimmick, huh? Bad girl!

I’ll say no more. I am sure you’d do the right thing. I know you enough to know that you would, won’t you my little girl? Cho Chweet. Muah! Muah! Muah!

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I have always enjoyed attended the Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling house shows when they have come to my area, but gave up on watching Impact in 2009 out of frustration over the product. But in May of this year when TNA President Dixie Carter announced that Impact would be a more reality based wrestling show, starting one hour earlier and going live for the summer, I decided to give the television show another chance.

Going live each week has made the talent step it up and has done something to the Impact Zone crowd in Orlando. The fans seem more alive and much more into the show each week. The lighting and all the camera angles have greatly improved. Eric Bischoff has done a great job of making Impact Wrestling look more major league with the limitations at Universal Studios.

TNA Impact Wrestling is not the perfect pro wrestling product as it still has flaws such as the stupid soap opera storyline with AJ Styles, TNA President Dixie Carter and Claire, or “Crack Baby Claire.” But despite that awful storyline and the continued low ratings, TNA has the most compelling professional wrestling show on television today.

The wrestlers continue work good and entertaining matches and TNA is doing a much better job of slowing things down, making the matches longer with shorter backstage segments, less in-ring talking and not so much stuff crammed into the entire show each week which makes the company work better at taking longer to tell a story.
Sting’s mystery attackers that surfaced a few weeks ago, the small doses of Joseph Park and Bully Ray, and Bobby Roode and Austin Aries, along with the resurgence of the X-Division is one of the many reasons I set my DVR each week for Impact. Hulk Hogan as the company’s on air authority figure is impressive in putting over the younger TNA talent and TNA veteran’s each week as well.

At their July 8 Destination X pay-per view, TNA company took a big gamble by taking the TNA title belt off the longest reigning TNA champion in Bobby Roode and put it on Austin Aries. Like me, I think most people expected Bobby Roode to hold onto the title up until Bound For Glory and not lose clean to Austin Aries at what is considered to be by most fans (at least me for me) a throw away pay-per view.

Both WWE Raw and Friday Night SmackDown continue to be predictable and boring for the most part with the exception of the A.J., CM Punk, Daniel Bryan and Kane storyline. WWE had some much potential with the Brock Lesner and Triple H angle, but because of the limited working schedule for Lesner, I have lost interest in this story.

Paul Heyman has done a great job being the mouth piece for Lesner, but if Lesner would least show up in small doses every other week, I would find this storyline to be more exciting.

Doing the unexpected is what has been missing from Professional Wrestling for a long time after the demise of the original Monday Night War back in the mid 1990’s to the very early 2000’s. However, since making the big decision to go live, TNA has done a better job with intrigue and is improving on bringing back the element of surprise.

The live environment each week over a taped environment has definitely made a huge difference overall for the product. I don’t expect a major ratings hike, but would like to see Impact Wrestling jump to a 2.0 during the show’s live summer run. I know the cost of running a live show is more expensive, let alone a live show on the road. But if the ratings stay at the average 1.0, hopefully Spike Executives will see the value in live television and continue to keep Impact Wrestling live the remainder of 2012.

For more from Jerome Wilen check out his website, Pro Wrestling Ringside – http://prowrestlingringside.blogspot.com

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On tonight’s episode of Impact Wrestling, we learn the fate of Taeler Hendrix in regards to whether or not her performance last week earned her a TNA contract (SPOILER ALERT: Her performance sucked, so she’ll get the deal. Ask Alex Silva).

To open the show, we get a recap of last week, including Austin Aries agreeing to forfeit the X-Division title at Destination X in order to earn a shot at the World title, as well as the Styles/Dixie/Chris-Zarian fiasco that saw the introduction of one of the worst actresses in the history of professional wrestler. As Joe Leininger pointed out to me, this “addict” was smiling as she announced she was an addict. Being an addict and a wh*re (which she also admitted to) should not warrant a happy face. Being an addict should not make you smile. The worst part? This chick is reportedly a trained actor in the state of Florida. If that’s the best she can do, she needs to demand her money for acting classes back immediately.

Speaking of Styles and Dixie, they’re in the back, talking about how glad they are this is over. Styles says he’s going to beat the piss out of Chris-Zarian tonight. This isn’t about a reckoning; this is about revenge, for Dixie, Styles and Claire (the actress/addict from last week).

Tonight, Styles and Kurt Angle defend the belts against Chris-Zarian. Betcha forgot Angle and Styles were even the champions. We see Dixie and Claire enter the main part of the building, presumably going into Dixie’s office.

MATCH 1-Bound For Glory Series: Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam
Anderson does his dumbass spiel, reminding me of yet another reason why I hate Hulk Hogan so much. Last week, I made a comment about these matches being too short to be any good. Let me rephrase that-while I understand the 10-minute time limit (15 would be better), the fact is that, thus far, all of the BFG matches have lasted 5 minutes or less. Just as I type that, Mike Tenay announces that the matches have a 15-minute time limit, and no, he made no point of saying that the time was increased; he said it as if that was how it’s been all along. Way to insult the intelligence of the fans once again, “Professor”. Anyway, tie-up to start, with Anderson going into a top wristlock. RVD counters into a waistlock. Anderson counters into his own. RVD counters into a front chancery, which Anderson turns into a small package for 2. RVD turns it into his own small package (that doesn’t sound right) for a 2 of his own. Back up, Anderson with a modified schoolboy for 2. Each take turns tripping the other for a 2-count before going into a stalemate stance. They begin trading blows. Anderson lands a clothesline off the ropes for 2. Suplex gets another 2 for Anderson. He tries again, but RVD slides out and locks in a body scissors into a pin for 2. Drop toehold into an inverted STF by RVD, but Anderson crawls to the ropes to get the break. Arm wringer by RVD, followed by a knee to the gut that he turns into an abdominal stretch. RVD keeps the hold on and drops down to the mat into a pinning combination for 2. RVD keeps the hold locked in as Anderson tries to break it. He eventually does, turning it into a side headlock. Criss-cross follows, ending with a botched inverted atomic drop by RVD. Anderson comes back with a running back elbow, but only gets 2 as RVD gets to the ropes. RVD punches away at him, backflips off a back body drop attempt and lands a northern light suplex for 2. More punches by RVD knock Anderson down, and he hits a handspring into a moonsault for 2. Anderson is set up in the corner as RVD goes for the split-legged moonsault, but Anderson gets the knees up for 2. Anderson goes for the Mic Check, but RVD elbows him off. Anderson catches the swinging neckbreaker off the ropes for 2. He sets up the rolling fireman’s carry, and RVD slides down into a waistlock. Anderson counters into his own before going for a side headlock that he turns into a rear naked choke. RVD backs him into the turnbuckle to break. Anderson tries for the rolling fireman’s carry again, and RVD counters it into a crucifix for the 3.

WINNER: Rob Van Dam, who earns 7 points and gets on the board. We see the leader board, and it stands as follows: 1-James Storm (36 points) 2-Samoa Joe (17) 3-Kurt Angle (10) 4-Mr. Anderson (9) 5-Rob Van Dam, D’Angelo Dinero, Magnus and Jeff Hardy (all tied with 7 points) 9-Christopher Daniels (5) and 10-Bully Ray, Robbie E and AJ Styles (all tied with 0).

The World X-Division Champion Austin Aries makes his way out, but we’re going to commercial before he can even get in the ring. Great timing once again, Spike.

If you aren’t excited about The Dark Knight Rises, I hate you. That is all.

Back from the break, Aries is in the ring. He asks if the crowd is ready for a little dose of greatness. Last week, he stood in the ring with Hulk Hogan, and he had a huge decision to make that would affect both his career and the entire X-Division. The decision to relinquish the belt to face Roode for the World title wasn’t easy. He has defeated everyone in the X-Division, as well as some heavyweights like Bully Ray and Samoa Joe, and that made him hunger for more competition. However, he knows the importance of his title and doesn’t want to see it disgraced, so he came up with “option C”, which means every year before Destination X, the current X-Division Champion gets to decide whether or not they want to sacrifice that title for a shot at the World title, and Hulk Hogan agreed to that. So, what’s going to happen to the X-Division now? There will be a tournament at Destination X to crown a new champion. He was in the back and saw both old and new faces to the division, and each of them said the same thing: one year ago, Aries was a man without a contract, was given an opportunity, and made the most of it, and will now headline Destination X for the company’s top title.

Before he can go much further, World Champion Bobby Roode makes his way out. Roode says he couldn’t help but hear how pathetically overconfident Aries has been sounding. THIS is the real World Championship, because Roode made it that way. He single-handedly made the belt the most important thing in wrestling, and is the most dominant champion in the history of TNA. Aries wants to come out here and talk about opportunities. There’s 12 men right now fighting for that shot in the BFG series, to face the IT Factor in professional wrestling and make a name for themselves. The only reason Aries got his opportunity is because of Hulk Hogan. The stupid “option C” made it happen, but what that option really is is a failure. Aries is setting both himself and the X-Division up for failure, and at the PPV, Roode is going to make sure he fails. Aries isn’t in his league, so do him a favor, kid, and get the hell out of his ring. Aries says it’s his ring, which means if Roode wants him to leave, why doesn’t Roode make him? Aries shoves Roode, and they both take the jackets off, preparing to fight. Aries screams at Roode to fight, but Roode instead grabs his belt and leaves, shaking his head “no”. You know, this main event and the tournament almost want to make me order the PPV. Almost.

We then get “highlights” of Clara Peller or whatever her name is airing her dirty laundry from last week. Roll your pant legs up, folks. It’s about to get mighty deep in here.

We see Dixie and K’s Choice (kudos to the six of you who get this reference) standing in the back. Anonymous Interviewer (can someone please explain the point of a guy asking questions anonymously off-camera?) is asking them how Claire met AJ Styles. She explains her family has been friends with Dixie’s family for years, and she met Styles through them. AI wants to know when the wheels really fell off everything. She says that it happened when Chris-Zarian found out Styles had been helping her. She also claims she didn’t know them at all before all of this happened, and can’t believe they’d take that information and use it to hurt Styles and Dixie, proving she has absolutely zero knowledge of the wrestling business.

We see Kazarian pacing back and forth in the locker room. Christopher Daniels tells him to calm down. Kaz refuses, then complains about everything that happened. It made him turn his back on his best friend, and tonight, all of the bullsh*t stops. So, to summarize, Kaz is once again going to needlessly turn face.

MATCH 2-World X-Division Championship Tournament, quarterfinal round: Sonjay Dutt vs. Rubix
Holy sh*t! We get both Dutt and Jigsaw? Who the hell did I make happy today? Yeah, he’s going by the name “Rubix”, but TNA isn’t fooling anyone here. Dutt starts off with a side headlock and a shoulder block. Criss-cross ends with an a pair of armdrags by Rubix, followed by a very low dropkick for 2. Dutt with some punches. Rubix with a kneelift. Dutt lands an over-the-shoulder armdrag and a running hurricanrana, sending Rubix to the floor. Rubix quickly gets back in, dropkicks Dutt to the floor and levels him with a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Rubix goes up top, but Dutt meets him with a dropkick. Dutt suckers Rubix into the turnbuckle and hits the Pendulum, sending Rubix into the middle rope, Dutt then hits a guillotine legdrop over the middle rope, sending Rubix back into the ring, where he’s met by a springboard splash by Dutt for 2. Dutt lost some coolness points by trying to look like Rey Mysterio with his form. Nevertheless, the match continues as Dutt sets up Sliced Bread #2. Rubix blocks it and sends him into the turnbuckles. Dutt meets him with a back elbow and goes for a hold, but Rubix counters into a Ghetto Blaster. German suplex by Rubix gets 2. Rubix goes for it again, but Dutt elbows out. Rubix goes for a tilt-a-whirl, which Dutt counters into a tornado DDT. Dutt looks to go up for the Hindu Press, but instead lands a moonsault double-stomp for the 3.

WINNER: Sonjay Dutt. Great match here. This is the kind of stuff that got me watching TNA in the first place, not all of the talking and useless drama angles. Damn fine finish for Dutt, too. I’ve never seen that version of the move before. Christy Hemme stops Dutt for an interview, asking him how it feels to be back. He says he’s back for one thing. He never became the X-Division Champion during his time with TNA, so he’s back, because there’s nobody whose got swagger like him.

We see Taz, Bruce Pritchard and Al Snow in their office from last week, discussing Taeler Hendrix’s future. Taz says she had no sense of entitlement, which he appreciated because he hates that sh*t. We’ll see the rest after the commercial break. Do I even need to say it?

After the break, we see clips from her match with Tara, which flat-out sucked. Not as bad as Alex Silva’s performance, but not much better, either. We then see the judges enter their office last Thursday. Pritchard says Tara was trying to send a message to Hendrix, which Snow agrees with. Taz says she was aesthetic and athletic, which is good. Pritchard asks if she’s still too green. He wants someone who is ready, but still has the potential to grow. Taz brings up her cancer diagnosis, which should make her more hungry of an athlete than others. Pritchard says that, as long as a wrestler can put in the work, he doesn’t care about their attitude.

MATCH 3-Bound For Glory Series: Bully Ray vs. Samoa Joe
We get a clip from Ray’s confrontation with Joseph Abyss last week. We go to the crowd, and Joseph isn’t in the crowd this week. Joe needs to get rid of the faux-hawk. Joe went from one of the bottom feeders in last year’s series to 2nd place this year, while Ray is doing the opposite. Expect him to lose again tonight. Ray tries to intimidate Joe, which does nothing. Joe backs him into a corner instead. Ray tries the same thing again, and it leads to the same result. Joe tries for a tie-up, but Ray climbs to the apron. He gets back in and goes for the tie-up, which Joe turns into an arm wringer. Ray reverses into his own, and Joe turns it into a side headlock. Two shoulder attempts by both lead to a stalemate, and Ray follows up with a back elbow. He then hocks a loogie into the air and catches it in his mouth because he’s white trash. Joe fires off some punches, so Ray rakes the eyes. Suplex by Ray, followed by a falling headbutt. Ray begins to humble Joe with a camel clutch as we go to commercials. Wait, you mean we’re getting a match that doesn’t end before the next break? Another Festivus miracle!

Back from the break, Joe ducks a clothesline and lands a couple shoulders. Running back elbow into the corner by Joe, followed by a spin kick to the head. Ray comes back with a big clothesline, dropping Joe. Ray’s faux-hawk is even worse than Joe’s. He chops Joe, and Joe forearms him. They repeat this sequence, and eventually Joe lands several forearms to the head. Ray and Joe simultaneously try to clothesline each other, crashing in the middle of the ring. Ray manages to get his arm over Joe, but only gets 2. Joe tries for a suplex, but can’t get Ray up. Ray hits an arm wringer snap, sending Joe to the mat. He then locks in an armbar, using the top rope for leverage. Ray breaks the hold, gets Joe into the corner, and pulls Joe’s arm over the top rope. Ray lands an axe handle to the shoulder, followed by an elbow drop. Joe rolls to the floor to try and shake it off. He starts to go into the ring, but manages to drag Ray to the floor. Ray grabs him by the arm and slams it into the steps before getting back in the ring. Ray telegraphs a “running splash” about 10 minutes before he hits it (not really, but you know what I mean), allowing Joe to come back with strikes, an inverted atomic drop, a big boot and a running senton for 2. Joe misses a clothesline, allowing Ray to nail a uranage for 2. Ray goes to the middle rope for the senton that never, ever connects, once again telegraphing it way to early. Ray slides to the floor, and Joe looks for a suicide dive. Ray sidesteps it, and Joe lands on his feet, but Ray manages to nail him with a big boot. Ray gets back in the ring, looking for a count-out. Joseph Abyss runs down to the ring as the referee has his attention to Joe. He gets on the apron, and Ray grabs him by the collar. Joseph Abyss slaps him, allowing Samoa Joe to come in from behind with the Kokina Clutch, getting the submission victory.

WINNER: Samoa Joe, who earns 10 points for the submission, bringing him up to 27 and keeping him firmly in 2nd place. Joseph Abyss then grabs a mic and says he knows who Ray is, but does Ray know who he is? He’s Joseph Abyss, and Ray is nothing but a jackass bully. He’s been bullied his entire life, even in law school, and it ends tonight. This is no longer about his “brother”; this is about him and Ray. He’s watched Ray bully everyone for long enough, and he’s sick of it. He’s sick of it, and the fans are sick of it. So, if Ray wants, why don’t they settle this once and for all? Give Abyss 2 weeks from tonight, and he’ll fight Ray again. This time, he’s bringing the fight to Ray.

Mike Tenay informs us that the phone call we heard a few weeks ago between Dixie and Styles was tampered with. Gasp. I never would have figured that out. Now, it’s time for more of Claire and Dixie’s explanation, because I know you just can’t get enough of this wooden acting that makes Keanu Reeves look like Jack Nicholson in comparison. AI asks Claire about how Chris-Zarian manipulated the truth, including the pictures. Dixie remembers the moment, and that was when Styles told her how bad things were with Claire. Claire can’t believe how something so innocent was turned that way. AI brings up the footage of the hotel room incident. Dixie says they were going to see Claire, who had just gotten out of rehab. Dixie brings up the phone conversation, which was about her husband’s surprise birthday party. Claire calls Chris-Zarian crafty, and says she wasn’t at the birthday party, because, you know, that’s integral.

We see Kaz in Hulk Hogan’s office, complaining about Christopher Daniels, saying he had no idea about what was going on. He doesn’t want to tag with Daniels anymore. Hogan calls BS, saying he’s not the same guy he met when he first came into TNA. Hogan says that, if he’s not the same guy, tonight in the tag match, show us, because he has to be accountable. Hogan ends the conversation, because he supposedly has another meeting. Kaz continues to be pissy as he leaves the office.

In the parking lot area, we see Garett Bischoff using his contract wisely, texting someone. Madison Rayne approaches him and says she has this crush, and she’s wondering, what’s he like? Garett asks who she’s talking about, so she whispers to him. Garett tells her good luck and walks away. Such good TV right here. Garett really deserves all of the money his dad conned Dixie Carter into pissing away on him. He’s just unbelievable as the faceless goof that no one cares about. Kudos, Dixie and Eric, on a job well done.

In some bizarrely red room, we see Brooke Hogan with Miss Tessmacher. Brooke informs Tessy that she’s got her a spot in the upcoming Direct Auto Insurance ad campaign. Tessy has an orgasm over the promotional posters. Gail Kim walks in and calls Tessy a cheap girl before addressing Brooke. Tessy interrupts her for no reason, and Kim calls all of the girls a cheap imitation of her. She then brings up her rematch for the Knockouts title, which Tessy very intelligently responds with, “I would love to rematch you and whip your ass.” Because that’s a real sentence. Brooke tells Kim she doesn’t want her butter anywhere near her bread. Don’t tell her to do her job. As for the rematch, it’s next week. Every time I see Brooke, I can only see and hear her dad, except with smaller boobs. “These are the kinds of thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools.”-George Carlin

MATCH 4-World X-Division Championship Tournament, quarterfinal round: Rashad Cameron vs. Mason Andrews
I almost didn’t recognize him, but Mason Andrews is Scorpio Sky. As for Rashad Cameron, he’s more commonly known in CZW as Sabian. Cameron looks like Reggie Watts on steroids. Cameron starts off with forearms to the back and chops to the chest. Andrews comes back with a roll-up for 2 and a pair of dropkicks for 2 more nearfalls. Andrews backdrops him to the floor, then nearly kills himself with a corkscrew suicide dive over the top rope. Back in the ring, the criss-cross sequence ends with a botched dropkick by Cameron. Cameron kitchen sinks him off the ropes for 2. Cameron goes for a gourdbuster, and just throws Andrews to the top rope. Middle rope moonsault misses. Andrews comes back with a kick and a pair of clotheslines. Jumping knee lift by Andrews, followed by a springboard cross body for 2. He misses the second one, and Cameron dropkicks him to the floor. Running somersault plancha by Cameron. As this match goes on, I never realized how much Andrews/Sky looks like Colorado indy wrestler Jason Noel. Back in the ring, Cameron mounts the middle rope, but Andrews cuts him off with a leaping hurricanrana for 2. Andrews picks Cameron up on his shoulders, but Cameron slides out, dropkicks him into the ropes and hits a jumping complete shot (think R-Truth’s What’s Up) for 3.

WINNER: Rashad Cameron. Christy Hemme stops him to ask him how it feels to go to Destination X. He says everyone is looking at the next champion. Everyone just saw the beginning of the Rashad Cameron Movement. And next time, he’s not from Philadelphia, PA. He’s from Philly 215. Pretty sure that’s the same place, Rashad.

Up next, Taeler Hendrix’s future is determined.

…But before we get to that, we see Hogan talking on his cellphone about Sting in his office, and James Storm & Jeff Hardy are there as well. After they discuss Sting, Hogan asks Storm how he’s doing. He says he’s good. Hogan says he rides higher and higher every week. As for Hardy, last week, he looked like he was ruling the world. Hardy says he’s ready. Hogan says they’re here because, next week, they’re facing each other in a BFG Series match in the main event.

Al Snow, Taz and Bruce Pritchard are in the ring with Jeremy Borash, who introduces each one of them. Apparently, both Bruce Pritchard and Al Snow are the Senior Executives of Talent Relations, according to Toolbox here. Taeler Hendrix makes her way out, and she’s really kind of disgusting to look at. Toolbox asks if she is at her best. She says she is. Riveting. Taz is up first, and all he says is “yes”. Snow’s turn, and he says he’s known her for a long time, watching her evolve and grow as an entertainer…but before he can finish, Taz spots Joey Ryan in the front row, who is screaming at him. Taz leaves the ring as Ryan is screaming in his face, begging Taz to hit him. Al Snow climbs out and orders security to throw him out. Anyway, back to Snow’s decision. He says she has talent and potential, but she’s not ready for a spot. His answer is no. Toolbox then gives Hendrix her promo time. She says that, someone, somewhere gave each one of them a chance, and that’s what she’s asking for. She’s hungry and she fought to get here, and she wants to fight to stay here. She wants it, and she’s going to fight to prove she can shine. Welp, I’m still not impressed. Bruce Pritchard is up now. He says he likes her. She’s inexperienced, green and rough around the edges. He’s not sure if she’s tough enough or has a mean streak. However, some like other jerk who is looking for 2 more minutes to add to his 15 minutes of fame, she’s got heart, desire and class, and we can work with that. His answer is yes.

So, Taeler Hendrix gets her contract, we get another scary woman to look at every week, and I completely lose any and all faith in the Gut Check system. You know, as bad as Hendrix claims she wanted this, she showed next to no emotion when Pritchard made his decision and she was announced as the newest member of the roster. At least Alex Silva showed some, even if it was fake. That still doesn’t excuse the fact that he sucks something awful, but at least he put forth the effort at that moment.

Kurt Angle is in the back with AJ Styles. He says the situation with Dixie is behind them, and he’s got a lot of respect for Styles. He’s got balls, and that’s what Angle loves about him (that doesn’t sound right). Styles says the weight is off his shoulders, and now, he’s got Christopher Daniels in a Last Man Standing Match at Destination X. Daniels and Kazarian couldn’t be anymore divided than they are right now, and it’s time for him and Angle to exploit that tonight.

Next week, we’re going to hear from Chris Sabin, who is unfortunately out with his second consecutive knee injury. We see Claire Lynch and Dixie Carter, who are sitting at ringside for the main event.

MATCH 5-World Tag Team Championship: Chris-Zarian vs. Champions Kurt Angle and AJ Styles.
Kaz stomps to the ring past Daniels during their entrance, gets on the apron and begins yelling at Daniels. Kaz and AJ start off, with AJ pushing Kaz into a corner. He lands a hip throw into a side headlock. AJ with a snapmare and a kick between the shoulder blades. Angle tags in, and the champs hit a double shoulderblock. Kaz hits a sit-out jawbreaker on Daniels before slapping Daniels for the tag. Angle boots Daniels in the corner. Daniels gets his boot up on a corner charge, follows up with a bodyslam and an inside-out elbow. Kaz is tagged back in, but Daniels tags himself back in almost immediately. Angle hits a back body drop on Daniels, followed by a t-bone suplex that sends Daniels to the floor. AJ got tagged in somewhere in there, and he hits a running hurricanra from the apron. Bodyslam on the floor by AJ before sending him into the guardrail as Kaz just looks on. He gets in Daniels’ face, and they begin arguing as we go to commercials.

Back from the break, Daniels has AJ in a rear chinlock in the ring. During the break, Daniels took control off a clothesline. Back to the action, Daniels hits a quick STO right into a cover for 2. AJ reverses a corner whip, but misses a corner clothesline. Daniels hits a bodyslam and goes for a split-legged moonsault, but Daniels gets the knees up. AJ tags Angle in, and Daniels tags Kaz in, who is asleep on the apron. Angle whips him into the ring and nails him with some clotheslines. Angle hits an overhead belly-to-belly suplex out of the corner, then proceeds to kill Kaz’s family with a trio of German suplexes. He then does the same to Daniels, who runs interference. Angle sends Daniels to the floor with the third one and looks for the Angle Slam on Kaz, but Kaz counters with a TKO for 2. He sets up for the Fade to Black, but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock. Kaz kicks it off, and AJ tags in, nailing him with a Superman. Kaz tags Daniels in, who runs right into a hurricanrana. AJ nails a clothesline and a back elbow. Daniels blocks a roundhouse and sends AJ into the ropes. AJ bounces off the ropes, and he & Daniels collide mid-ring as they both attempt a cross-body at the same time. AJ is up first, and he goes to clothesline Daniels, but Daniels ducks and Kaz gets nailed instead. Daniels capitalizes off the distraction with a blue thunder bomb. Angle tries for a German suplex on Daniels, but Daniels grabs hold of the referee, who then gets accidentally clotheslined by Angle. Daniels clotheslines Angle over the top rope, then grabs a chair. He looks to brain AJ with it, but Kaz grabs it out of his hands. AJ nails Daniels with a Pele as Kaz looks on. He then flips Daniels off and drops the chair before telling AJ, “Finish this”. AJ sets up the Styles Clash, but Kaz then grabs the chair and cracks Styles over the back. He throws the referee back in the ring, who counts the 3.

WINNERS AND NEW CHAMPIONS: Chris-Zarian. Well, so much for Kaz’s face turn. Not that I care, because he sucks as a face. Daniels grabs the mic and says that today is a great day because “We are the World Tag Team Champions of the World”. Has he been studying promo tapes of Andre the Giant? Daniels tells Dixie Carter to turn her frown upside down, because there’s reason for her to be happy as well. While Claire told the truth, she didn’t tell the whole truth. As we can all see, Claire is pregnant. What she didn’t say is that the soon-to-be bastard child belongs to AJ Styles. Not to worry, as he’s sure the kid will be a phenomenal baby. Gee, I bet no one saw that part coming. Except, of course, everyone who has ever seen a wrestling show ever.

End of show.

Aside from Gut Check and this horrendous angle, the knockouts promo segment and this horrid angle involving Dixie Carter and the lot, this week was actually a decent show. Even the Mr. Anderson match was watchable, and that says something. The first X-Division tournament match: great. The second: not so much. Oh, well. You can’t win them all.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/xdustineflx, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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Hey, remember when my soul mate Madison Rayne got all mad at me and #RayneStorm2011 hit? Well, I’ve done it again. Tammy “Sunny” Sytch’s crazy ass is mad at me, too, because I refused to send her nobody boyfriend-who looks like a gassed-up hair band reject with a bad perm-a friend request on Facebook, citing me as being “too good” for not wanting to be friends with a wrestler I’ve never even heard of or seen in action. Yep, looks like #SunnyDaze2012 is around the corner.

Tonight, we are “treated” to the 3rd installment of “Open Fight Night/TNA Gut Check”. I apparently have a couple of local indy friends who are trying out for this in the future, and while I wish them the best of luck, I don’t have high hopes. Thus far, I have absolutely zero faith in the Gut Check system.

Previously, on Impact, James Storm “returned”, despite never going anywhere thanks to countless videos dedicated to him. Austin Aries was also promised a World Championship match at Destination X, provided he forfeits the World X-Division title. For the first time ever (EVER!), the Bound for Glory series is part of OFN. Not hard to do, since you just started the series last year and OFN this year. That’s no milestone or achievement worth bragging about.

Hulk Hogan makes his way out because he’s Hulk Hogan and for no other reason. Can’t have someone else start the show. Taz informs us tonight’s Gut Check tryout will feature a female competitor. Hogan says that, when you ask for change, you better be ready for it. When change happens, you make both friends and enemies. Case in point, what happened with Sting last week was unprecedented (?) and uncalled for. He will find out who these guys are and take care of it for Sting. Tonight, we’ve got both OFN and the BFG series, and anything can happen. Before we get started, he told Aries that he wanted Aries’ decision at the top of the show. It’s a little past that, and he’s waiting for an answer, dude. You know, Hulk, if you hadn’t come out here wasting a bunch of time, Aries wouldn’t be late.

Aries makes his way out and refuses a handshake from Hogan, saying it’s business for. The crowd chants “Austin Aries”, and he responds with, “Thank you, I know my name.” Love it. He reminds us of last week’s idea that Hogan came up with. He’s heard what everyone wants him to do, but it comes with a catch. If he wants a World title match, he has to forfeit the X title. Option A is take the offer. Option B is keeping the belt and continuing the longest title reign in company history. He says the company was built on the X-Division, and some of the former champions are some of the best wrestlers the world has ever seen. The belt is important to him, and if he hands it over, it means nothing. It’s more valuable than it’s ever been, and he has a third idea, which he calls “option C”. Hogan says this isn’t like the past, and there won’t be one person holding more than one belt at a time. If there’s a plan C, Aries better be a great visionary, because he doesn’t want to play game. Aries says he is willing to hand the belt over, under one condition: he sets the standard moving forward. Each and every year, whoever the X Champion is can be afforded the same option he has right now, where they can trade the belt in for a shot at the World title. Hogan says he’s as quick on his feet as he is with his mouth and thinking, and that’s why he’s where he is today. Hulk likes option C, and he agrees to it.

Bobby Roode’s music hits. Are they kidding him? He told Hogan to keep his ass in the GM’s office a long time ago. Aries, who the hell do you think you are, trying to dictate what’s happening in HIS company? He calls the X title a “paper championship”, saying it means nothing to him. THIS is the REAL World Championship, and Aries just made the biggest mistake of his life. If Aries wants a title match, so be it. But Roode is no X-Division wrestler; he’s God’s gift to pro wrestling, the It Factor, and the longest reigning World Champion in company history, and he’ll continue to prove it at Destination X, embarrassing Aries’ ass. Aries says that, if Roode is so confident, this is Open Fight Night, so why doesn’t Roode march his ass down here? Roode accepts, and they begin brawling at ringside. It doesn’t last long, as the Elite Beat Agents break it up, with Aries calling Roode a “piece of sh*t”.

Because things were going so smoothly, we now get Mr. Anderson. He tells everyone he could watch Aries and Roode pound the snot out of each other all day, and after he’s done, they can continue. He’s putting both on notice, because the guy who wins the BFG series and gets the next title match, whoever that guy is and is from Green Bay, Wisconsin (his stupid, nonsensical words), Mr. Anderson. Anderson. In case you’re wondering, he has no chance in hell of winning the series. It’s painfully obvious Roode is retaining the title at Destination X and moving onto James Storm, who will win the series. Yes, TNA is that predictable.

Anderson does some stupid screaming, then says he wants to call someone out, someone who has the balls to attack a man’s family. Christopher Daniels, get your ass out here. Daniels walks out, carrying an Appletini (according to Taz), refusing to put his drink down.

MATCH 1-Bound For Glory Series Match: Mr. Anderson vs. Christopher Daniels
Daniels throws his drink at Anderson. Anderson knocks him down. Anderson with a back elbow before going up top, but Daniels trips him up, sending him back to the mat. This match has a 10-minute time limit, and apparently, all other BFG matches will have the same rule. Daniels with an arm wringer into a modified hammerlock. He punches Anderson in the gut to knock him down, then locks in a modified abdominal stretch, turning it into a full version. Anderson elbows out and hiptosses Daniels. Daniels ducks a corner charge, but runs into what looked like a botched clothesline. They trade some punches. Daniels kicks off a back drop attempt, but runs into a clothesline. Another clothesline and back elbow follow. Anderson tries the swinging neckbreaker, but Daniels gets out of it. Anderson hits the rolling fireman’s carry slam and looks for the Mic Check, but Daniels reverses into a blue thunder bomb. He calls for the BME, but Anderson reverses into a roll-up for 2. He hits a swinging neckbreaker and the Mic Check for the 3.

WINNER: Mr. Anderson. Weak finish. Anderson gets 7 points for the pinfall victory.

We see AJ Styles and Dixie Carter in the back, talking. I am so sick of this. Dixie says they’re doing the right thing, and it’s not about Chris-Zarian. Styles says that, the more they think about it, the more he’s worried. Maybe there’s another way around this. Dixie wants to know what other way. Styles’ got nothing.

We see some of the Knockouts in what I guess is Brooke Hogan’s office. We find out which which one gets Tessy in a title match up next. Brooke walks in just as the screen goes black. Does Spike know nothing about timing? Granted, I’m glad I got to delay having to look at Brooke’s disgusting visage.

Back in Brooke’s office, she’s talking to ODB, Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky and Mickie James. They’re talking about Velvet Sky’s stupid music video appearance. Rayne cuts her off to talk about tonight. Brooke wants to talk to them to find out why they each want the title. ODB says she’s different from every other knockout. Rayne says she already had that title “forever”. Brooke says she’s too obsessed with “Mr. Imaginary Friend”, then gives her advice Hulk gave her: “imagine your career is your boyfriend”. Mickie James calls herself the greatest women’s wrestler in the world, holding every women’s title “known to man”. Rayne pisses a fit about how she was the longest-reigning champion in history. Brooke asks what she has done lately, and she’s not focused enough on wrestling and needs to make business and pleasure separate, so she’s out for the match. The next elimination will take place later tonight.

Robbies E and T are in the ring now. E says he’s not scared of anyone in the BFG series, bro. He’s more jacked than everyone in it, and no one could pull off a tan like his. Tonight is “Robbie E Open Fight Night”, and he’s challenging anyone in the BFG series to get punked by “Big Rob”, bro. Kurt Angle decides to accept the challenge.

MATCH 2-Bound For Glory Series Match: Robbie E (w/Robbie T) vs. Kurt Angle
E starts off with some stomps. Angle quickly lands the dead guy suplexes, hitting all three. Angle Slam and ankle lock follow. This one’s over.

WINNER: Kurt Angle, who gets 10 points for a submission victory.

Tonight’s Gut Check contestant is Taeler Hendrix, who talks about watching wrestling as a kid and wanting to get into it from there, also known as the most generic origin story in all of pro wrestling. She then discusses being diagnosed with cancer at 21, which she managed to survive. Well, kudos to her for that.

Magnus makes his way out, mic in hand. He goes over the BFG series. It means everything to him that he wins the series, so he’ll keep it simple. He’s decided to call someone out and beat them. Right now, if you don’t mind. His challenge is accepted next.

After the break, Magnus is in the ring to tell us who he’s going to pick. He’s choosing a man whose head is not in the game, not by a long shot. In every city, Magnus has a line of women wanting to get to him, so he knows what it’s like to have “women trouble”, but he also knows not to screw with another man’s wife, especially when she writes the paycheck. He’s calling out a man who is selfish and only thinks of himself, that home wrecker AJ Styles.

MATCH 3-Bound For Glory Series Match: Magnus vs. AJ Styles
Styles charges the ring and fires off punches and kicks. Magnus reverses a corner whip. Styles gets his feet up on the charge and lands a backbreaker. Styles screws up where Magnus lands and has to adjust him before going up top. Styles goes up, and Magnus is on his feet. He catches a cross body and turns it into a suplex. Elbow drop follows for 1. Styles lands a dropkick after a rake to the eyes by Magnus, but misses the Pele. Magnus stomps his head and gets 2 before going into a sleeper. We see Joseph Abyss stuffing his face with popcorn in the crowd. Styles gets back to his feet and backs Magnus to the corner, landing a couple elbows. He whips Magnus and hits a running clothesline. Styles Clash is escaped by Magnus, but Styles lands a Ghetto Blaster. He goes to the apron as Chris-Zarian comes out. Styles is distracted, and that allows Magnus to hit a Michinoku Driver #2 for the 3.

WINNER: Magnus, who nets 7 points, tied for 3rd with Mr. Anderson. Daniels has an envelope in his hand as he and Kaz head to the back.

Up next, time for the Gut Check.

I don’t like that the BFG matches have a time-limit. All it’s doing is promising us short matches that are far too rushed. We’ve had three tonight, and they’ve lasted less than 10 minutes total combined.

MATCH 4-Gut Check: Taeler Hendrix vs. Tara
Not a good tooth-to-gum ratio on this girl. Just saying. I am curious if TNA will ever book one of the Gut Check contestants to actually win? I say that because I think Hendrix is dropping this one, too. Tara starts with a waistlock takedown, then lands some crossface punches. Suplex and a kip-up by Tara before she talks some trash. Hendrix lands a quick sunset flip for 2, but is leveled with a clothesline. Tara drags her to the corner and lifts her up with a rear chinlock while sitting on the turnbuckles. On the third attempt, Hendrix breaks out with some kicks and hits the Stratusphere. She botches a kick to the stomach and hits a pair of jumping clothesline. Waistlock takedown by Hendrix, and she puts Tara in a rear chinlock before smacking her face into the mat. She misses a roundhouse, and Tara quickly capitalizes with the Widow’s Peak for the 3.

WINNER: Tara. Not impressed with Taeler Hendrix at all. During this match, we saw Joseph Abyss leave his seat and head to the back.

We see the rest of the BFG wrestlers standing in a row, waiting to see who gets called out next.

Direct Auto Insurance is going to have to get a new spokesman when Matt Morgan leaves. Even though his contract isn’t up until October, TNA stupidly used up all of his contracted dates already this year. He has absolutely no obligation to them at this point.

Joseph Abyss is shown to the back by a technician. Bully Ray confronts him, saying he’s afraid, and can smell the fear on him. Abyss says he is scared, but not as scared as Ray was when his “brother” showed up last week. Ray says he’s lucky Ray is in the BFG series and is focusing on the World Championship. If he sees Joseph Abyss in the crowd again, or his brother, it will be the last time anyone ever sees either of them.

Mike Tenay and recap how Austin Aries accepted a deal with Hogan earlier tonight, and how the X-Division title has the opportunity to be forfeited before Destination X every year so the current title holder can fight for the World title at the PPV instead.

Samoa Joe comes out to make a challenge. He’s back in his “Nation of Violence” gear. He says that, since nobody in the back has the guts to say his name, he thought he’d come out here and kick this thing off. James Storm, last week, you dodged a bullet and got lucky. Since you’re back from petting your horse and “losing your smile”, come out here and let’s see if your luck’s run out.

MATCH 5: Samoa Joe vs. James Storm
Storm starts off with some punches, but Joe takes him down with a botched forearm. Joe backs Storm into the corner and takes him down with several hard strikes. Hip bump in the opposite corner, followed by a spin kick to the head. Joe takes him down with a Fujiwara, but Storm gets his foot on the ropes. Back in the corner, Joe ties Storm’s arm up over the top rope, then lands a Mongolian chop. Snapmare followed by a Trapezius claw by Joe. Storm elbows his way out and runs into a snap powerslam for 2. Joe immediately locks in a hammerlock, but Storm gets to the ropes once again. Joe with some strikes, and a chop across the arm. They trade forearms, and Joe cuts him off with a knee to the gut and an over-the-shoulder armbreaker. He goes for the crossface chicken wing, but Storm fights out once again. Several more punches by Storm, followed by a jumping clothesline. Another clothesline, an inverted atomic drop and a jumping forearm by Storm. He goes for a monkey flip in the corner, but Joe turns him around and lands a kick. He snapmares Storm out of the corner and sets up the Kokina Clutch. Storm manages to run Joe headfirst into the top turnbuckle and lands the Last Call for 3.

WINNER: James Storm, who gets another 7 points and stays in first place. I don’t like Storm in the first place, but I really hate when a wrestler is booked as a one-move wrestler. Storm got in little offense except for his kick, and most of his matches have been that way since TNA decided to push the kick so much. After the match, Joe looks to crack Storm with a beer bottle, but hands it to him instead and shakes his hand.

We get a video package for this whole AJ/Dixie/Chris-Zarian mess. This is one of the dumbest angles TNA has created in a long time, and that’s really saying something. This leads to live footage between AJ and Dixie. AJ says she’s right, and they need to get this all out in the open tonight, because he’s falling apart..
Video for TNA’s tour, which includes a fan, which includes a fan using the line, “They put their bodies to the line.” I don’t know, either.

We’re back in Brooke Hogan’s office, where she tells the knockouts that talking smack gets you nowhere, and talking business gets you everywhere. Velvet Sky talks about her short title reign that was ended by Gail Kim, and she never got her rematch. Brooke rambles on about ODB’s husband pulling his pants down, and that disqualifies her from being in the title match later tonight. Yeah.

Bully Ray walks down the aisle and proceeds to hock a loogie in the air before catching it in his mouth, because he’s a disgusting slob. Ray calls himself the most hated bully in the world before yelling for Joseph Abyss. He’s not here, and it’s about time he listened. Onto business and the BFG series. Who’s left back there? RVD, Jeff Hardy and the Pope. Ray is going the easy route and wants the easy 10 points. Pope, you’ve been spending a lot of time in Hollywood, so why don’t you come out here and let him get his quick 10 points before moving onto the World title?

MATCH 6: Bully Ray vs. D’Angelo Dinero
I don’t think Ray is getting 10 points, since he doesn’t know any submission holds. Guess someone forgot to tell him you can only get 10 via submission, and a pinfall only gets 7. Ray starts with a forearm to the back of the head and a hard corner whip. He throws Pope into the turnbuckle, then clotheslines him for 1. Another forearm to the back of the head, followed by a shot to the lower back. Ray lands a punch to the face and a boot before landing another hard corner whip. Ray misses a splash off the ropes, and they begin trading punches. Pope lands some forearms. Ray misses a big boot, and Pope takes him down with an inverted atomic drop and a flying clotheslines. Flip, flop and fly by Pope, which sends Ray into the second rope. Pope lands a running slide across Ray’s back and goes up top. Ray falls into the ropes, knocking him back down to the mat. Ray nails an avalanche in the corner, then goes up for some mounted punches. He stopes as Abyss makes his way down the stairs through the crowd. It’s the real guy, too. You can tell by the missing teeth. From behind, Pope knocks Ray to the floor with a running double knee to the back. Abyss crosses the barrier and begins stalking Ray. Ray gets back in the ring and runs into an STO from Pope for the 3.

WINNER: D’Angelo Dinero, who nets 7 points. Abyss continues to chase Ray out of the building.

Hulk Hogan is in the back, talking to Jeff Hardy and RVD. He says he’s got a problem, but they are the answer. Since neither of their names were called out for OFN, that must mean they are the two guys with the best chances of winning the series. Now, they can face off in the main event tonight, and that solves his problem.

Up next, Brooke Hogan makes her final decision for the Knockouts title match tonight.

A commercial hyping Destination-X airs, and it’s all about Austin Aries. It’s like TNA already knew what his decision would be before the show was aired. As if pro wrestling is pre-determined or something!

We then get some music video from some fat country band, starring Velvet Sky, who pretends to be a mom. Can you imagine her being allowed to reproduce? *shudders*

Miss Tessmacher makes her way out to find out who she will be defending her title against tonight. The options left for her tonight are Mickie James and Velvet Sky. We see Brooke with said Knockouts backstage. She says she’s so proud of both of them and they’re both talented. There’s a reason why the cream rises to the top. She believes in Velvet Sky, which is why she got the music video, but tonight, Mickie James gets the nod.

MATCH 7-Knockouts Champion: Champion Miss Tessmacher vs. Mickie James
Tie-up to start, with James backing Tessy in the corner. They go back to the tie-up after a clean break, and Tessy turns it into an arm wringer. James cartwheels out and goes into a hammerlock, taking Tessy down. James turns it into a front chancery, which Tessy reverses into a hammerlock. James counters into a fireman’s carry, then gets back up and locks in an arm wringer. Tessy armdrags out and hits a Dropsh*t. She goes for a waistlock, but James gets to the ropes and lands an elbow before getting a 1-count. Tessy fights back with some punches, which are cut short by a knee lift and a snapmare. James follows up with a low dropkick for 2. I love that James is dressed like a hick, but decided to make her wrestling boots look like tall skate shoes. Makes sense. James with a snapmare before going into a version of the half-nelson. Tessy holds onto the ropes followed by a whip and boots James, but runs right into a botched flapjack. James kips up and goes to the top rope. Tessy sees it coming and moves out of the way, landing a pair of clotheslines and a flying forearm. Crowd is booing her. James with a mule kick to the gut. Tessy counters with a Mug Shot out of the corner. She sets up for the Brooke Shield, but James pushes her off and lands a slow-motion roundhouse kick to the head. James looks for the DDT, but Tessy reverses into a sunset flip for 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Miss Tessmacher.

MATCH 8-Bound For Glory Series Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy
While I have a second, I’d like to address this series. While I understand most of the choices for competitors, what in the hell have Robbie E and The Pope done lately to qualify? Pope hasn’t even been around, and Robbie E’s only televised victory over the last year or so has been over Alex Silva, an even bigger waste of space than Robbie E himself. Can someone explain this to me? Anyway, RVD starts off with a leg scissors into a pin for 1. Hardy counters a corner whip, and RVD comes back with a spinning dropkick. He misses a flipping legdrop, and Hardy misses an elbow. Criss-cross segment ends with RVD doing the splits to duck, and Hardy dropping a leg across the head. He gets RVD into the corner, where he hits a slingshot dropkick for 2. RVD heads to the floor and Hardy baseball slides him down. RVD trips him with a kick but misses a slingshot legdrop on the apron. RVD still manages to come back, hitting a thrust kick from the top rope and Rolling Thunder for 2. RVD goes for a back suplex, but Hardy counters with a bulldog. Hardy blows the hell out of the reverse enziguri, then lands the sit-out gourdbuster before needlessly stripping himself of his shirt. He goes for the Swanton, but RVD rolls out of the way. RVD goes up for the Five-Star, but decides to taunt first. Instead, he goes for a 450 splash, but misses. Hardy capitalizes with a DDT, but only gets 2. Hardy blows the p*$s out of the Twist of Fate and gets the 3.

WINNER: Jeff Hardy, who gets 7 points. Currently, James Storm is in first place with 27 points, Angle in 2nd with 10, while Hardy, Pope, Magnus, Hardy and Anderson are tied for 3rd with 7 each. RVD, Samoa Joe, Christopher Daniels, Robbie E, Bully Ray and AJ Styles are all tied for 4th with 0.

Speaking of Styles, he’s on his way to the ring with Dixie Carter. That’s up after the commercial break.

After the commercial, we get the leaderboard for the BFG series, which I just recapped a second ago. Considering Storm is 17 points ahead from the next closest competitor (Angle), I’d say my bet is safe.

Next week, Angle and Styles defend the World Tag Team titles (yep, they’re still champions) against the former champions, Chris-Zarian.

AJ Styles and Dixie Carter make their way out. Instead of chanting “AJ” or “Dixie”, the fans just chant “TNA” instead. You know, for a company that has supposedly tried to distance themselves from that name, they’re doing a really lousy job. Dixie goes to speak, but remembers she needs a microphone for people to be able to hear her. She says this has been going on a long time, and situations like this never have a positive outcome. People get hurt, and lives are changed or destroyed. And…and, um…and, um…Styles muffles the microphone and begins talking to Dixie, and you can’t make out anything that is said except for Styles telling her that they can just leave. Some random lady comes out crying. I’m guessing she’s Styles’ wife, and she appears to be pregnant. She introduces herself as Claire Lynch. We don’t know her, and AJ and Dixie were hoping to keep it that way. She’s known both for many years. She respects Dixie so much, and knows she can come to Dixie with anything. She listened to Claire, and was able to help. She knew AJ would be able to help her, too, which is why she went to him as well. She’s here to tell the truth: Dixie and AJ are not having an affair. She calls herself an addict, trying to get clean. She drinks and does pills, and stole money from her family. This girl is an awful actor, and her crying is just the worst. Anyway, she woke up in a hotel with a stranger, and that’s when she knew she needed help. AJ and Dixie took her to rehab and helped her get clean. That’s when Chris-Zarian got in the way. All of the evidence is actually of AJ and Dixie trying to protect her, not hide a relationship between them. We Chris-Zarian in the back, flipping out about this girl, wondering how they didn’t know she was here. Daniels storms the ring and runs right into an assault by Styles. Kazarian joins in and takes a kick to the head. Daniels and Styles continue to brawl. Styles throws Kazarian off before landing a powerbomb. Because you hit powerbombs in a real fight. He nails Daniels with a Pele before dropping some mounted punches on him.

End of show.

Unfortunately, this show was a mess. Thanks to the time limit for the BFG series, the matches were all rushed, just as I predicted. And once again, the Gut Check disappoints. The best match of the night was the title match, and it wasn’t anything special. Open Fight Night is turning out to be a major waste of time. Tonight was especially bad, since all of the matches involved guys in the series, meaning there was no X-Division, no tag team matches, no Bobby Roode. Hell, they even forgot Devon’s “weekly” title defense.

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Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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This week’s Impact Wrestling opens up with a James Storm video package, in case you hadn’t gotten your fill with the last 812 they’ve showed over the past few months. Storm returned to TNA on Sunday, squashing Crimson in less than 5 minutes, ending the undefeated streak. You know, I hate Crimson, but that is some really stupid booking. They spend a year and a half building this guy up as undefeated, and his streak is ended in a squash match. Say what you will about Nash/Goldberg, but at least that was somewhat of a competitive match.

We learn there will be an X-Division title match opening the show tonight in an Ultimate-X match. The Bound For Glory series (ugh) returns to tonight.

MATCH 1-3-Way Ultimate X Match for the World X-Division Championship: Zema Ion vs. Chris Sabin vs. Champion Austin Aries
I love Aries’ ring robe. Chris Sabin looks less than thrilled to be here. Ion sprays a bunch of hairspray on his head before immediately trying for the belt. Aries and Sabin wishbone him down to the ring, then nail a double hip toss. Forearm in the corner by Sabin, followed by a jumping clothesline by Aries. Series of reversals by Aries and Sabin ends in a modified Lethal Combination by Aries. Aries goes up, but Ion pulls him down. Aries punches away. Ion nails the back suplex into a facebreaker before going up to the ropes. Sabin pulls him down, then throws him into one of the support beams. Ion tries for the facebreaker again, but Sabin reverses into a springboard tornado DDT. Sabin goes up, and Aries cuts him off and gets up top himself. He goes for the ropes, but Sabin chops him down. Forearms by Sabin, who then goes back up top. He begins shimmying across the rope, but Aries pulls him down into a fireman’s carry, then drives his head into two turnbuckles. Airplane spin by Aries, who is now dizzy himself. He goes up, but Sabin bumps him down to the apron. Aries hotshots him, then hits a slingshot hilo. Aries basically mule kicks Ion back to the floor, then backdrops Sabin over the top rope onto Ion. Aries follows up with a suicide dive, taking them both out. Aries goes up once again and begins to head towards the belt. He’s nearly there until Ion pulls him back down. Ion fires off some punches, but runs into a forearm. Aries goes for the brainbuster. Ion slips out into a waistlock. Aries elbows out and charges, but eats an elbow. Ion begins going up the turnbuckles, and Aries grabs him around the waist. Sabin pulls Aries off and drops an elbow across the neck. Aries throws him back out and goes after Ion again, raking the back before shoving him down the support rig to the floor. Aries is once again heading towards the belt, and Ion is back up on the turnbuckles. Aries grabs him in a headscissors, snapping off a hurricanrana. Corner dropkick and the brainbuster knock Ion out. Aries goes back up and easily shimmies to the belt.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Austin Aries. Decent match, but far from the best Ultimate X match I’ve ever seen. It was too short, and Ion was just taking up space. In the replays, it appears Sabin may have hurt his knee again. This is not good.

Aries grabs a mic after the match. He tells that, under a year ago, he walked into this company and made some pretty hefty claims. He said there was no one in this company he couldn’t defeat, and he was pound-for-pound the most complete package in pro wrestling. He wasn’t just great; he is the greatest man that ever lived. People thought he was blowing smoke, but in short time, he proved them all wrong. Whether he’s the first match, the fourth match or the last match, he’s always the main event. He is “must-see-TV”, “Mr. Money’s Worth”. He’s not satisfied with the X-Division title, though. He’s not satisfied with a snail’s pace. He’s not going to earn respect; he’s going to take it.

At this, Hulk Hogan makes his way out, because the show was too entertaining. Before we know what’s on Hogan’s mind, we go to commercials. SpikeTV absolutely loves having no clue how to schedule commercial breaks.

Back from the break, the Impact Zone is mindlessly cheering for Hogan. Hogan says hears all the hoopla when Aries comes out. But, for Aries to come out week after week and say he’s the main event, that’s a pretty tall order. Brother. He’s sure Aries knows a lot about Hogan’s career, and wherever Aries is going, Hogan’s already been there. He knows what it’s like to be a main eventer and a star. All Hogan’s accomplishments, he’s never had goosebumps like he gets when he sees Aries wrestle. He’s taken wrestling to another level, and Hogan calls him the greatest thing he’s ever seen. Aries wants to be “the man”, and the main event. Hogan says that, if Aries wants to be the main event, he can make that happen at Destination X. But, he’s got to put his money where his mouth is. He’s willing to put the World Champion against Aries at that PPV, but on one condition-he doesn’t want one wrestler holding both belts. So, if Aries vacates the X-Division title, he gets the match for the World title at the PPV. Hogan and all of the fans believe in Aries, and they know he can win the World title. Aries says he busted his tail for his title, and he’s just supposed to hand it over. Hogan doesn’t want that; he wants Aries to become greater than he already is, and become the World Champion. He wants Aries to prove that he is the greatest man that ever lived, and he has one week to make a decision.

Well, that was a better segment than I would have guessed. If Aries is given the chance to main event, I’m all for it.

We get some video from Slammiversary, which had what Dixie Carter claims was the biggest crowd in TNA history.

Still to come, we’ll hear from Sting. We also get video from Slammiversary, showing Joseph Abyss pinning Bully Ray after Joe’s “brother” Abyss (actually a Team 3-D wrestler in Abyss’ clothes) interfered.

Backstage, we see Joseph Abyss telling a bunch of people at a lunch table about how great it was to beat Bully Ray at Slammiversary. They all scatter when Ray shows up, wanting to know where Abyss is. He then spits in Joe’s food before asking again. Joe says that, the last time he saw him, he was putting Ray through a table. Ray turns the table over and says he won’t rest until he finds Abyss.

Based on Oliver Stone’s history with films, I’m sure Savages is 100% true. Except, of course, for the numerous facts that Stone will get wrong based on crackpot conspiracy theories and misinformation.

MATCH 2-World Television Championship: Hernandez vs. Champion Devon
TNA is attempting to push Hernandez yet again for some reason (or so I’ve read), despite the fact that he has yet to get over with fans after the last 3 or 4 pushes. TNA really loves their one-named wrestlers, don’t they? Before Devon can get in the ring, Hernandez takes him out with a plancha over the ropes. Back in the ring, Hernandez gets 2. He throws Devon into the corner, but misses a charge. He blocks a hip toss and lands a clothesline for 2. Devon fights back with punches before running into a back elbow for another 2 for Hernandez. His facial hair makes his face look weird. Hernandez locks in a bearhug until Devon fights out with some rights. Hernandez with a double chop to the shoulders, but Devon comes back with a spear. TNA wrestlers love their spears. Devon lands a flying shoulderblock off the ropes and a neckbreaker, followed by a jumping headbutt off the ropes. Avalanches in the corner, but Hernandez counters with a Pounce for 2. Devon comes back with a corner clothesline. Hernandez blocks a second attempt with a foot, then backflips to the top rope a la Sheamus (minus the talent and charisma), has trouble getting to his feet, then botches his version of Sheamus’ Battering Ram. Devon quickly comes back with the standing spinebuster for the 3.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Devon. I’m not expecting Hernandez’s push to last long, especially since he just lost only his second match since Anarquia left.

We see footage from last week when Serj Carter “punched” AJ Styles. This leads to footage of Styles and Dixie talking, with Styles saying they need to end “this”. He says people are getting hurt, and they need to end it, get it out in the open. She asks if they can talk later tonight, and he agrees.

Up next, the BFG Series starts with a gauntlet match.

We see Bobby Roode entering the building earlier today. Roode will defend the title against Mr. Anderson later tonight.

MATCH 3-Bound For Glory Series Gauntlet Match; Participants: AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy,
This is a “Gauntlet for the Gold”-style match, with new participants entering every 90 seconds, and the match is worth 20 points in the series. Styles and Hardy start off. Hardy with a side headlock. Criss-cross segment ends in a Styles dropkick. Hardy goes into the corner, then back drops him over the ropes. Hardy lands on his feet on the apron and comes back in with his own dropkick.

RVD is out next, and he takes Styles down with a clothesline. Roundhouse for Hardy. Thrust kick for Styles. Spinning heel kick for Hardy. Monkey flip on Styles, and Rolling Thunder for Hardy. Commercials.

Back from the break, Magnus has joined the match and Bully Ray is making his way down. Styles tries to throw Magnus over, but he’s too big. Ray gets on the apron and begins slugging Hardy. He gets in and throws punches at everyone. Avalanche on Magnus, followed by a big boot on RVD. He tries to throw Styles out, but Styles holds on. Magnus slugs away at him, but Ray rakes the eyes.

Kurt Angle is out next as Ray tries to throw Styles out, while RVD tries to throw Hardy out. Angle lands a German suplex on Magnus. Another one for Hardy. He and Ray trade punches in the corner, with Angle beating Ray down. Styles and RVD begin trading shots as Angle tries to throw Ray out. Ray lands on his feet on the apron and punches Angle. Magnus is stomping away at Hardy. Ray punches him, then focuses on Hardy himself. RVD tries to throw Styles out.

D’Angelo Dinero is out next. He still works here? Whatever. He’s a scumbag. RVD misses a roundhouse, and Pope lands an uppercut. STO for Styles before Ray nails him with a double axe handle to the back of the head. Ray boots Hardy off the apron after throwing him over. Jeff Hardy is eliminated. Abyss crawls out from under the ring, climbs up on the apron, then yanks him over the ropes. Bully Ray is eliminated. I believe that was the real Abyss/Joseph Park. More commercials.

Back from the break yet again, Robbie E has now joined the match, and Angle is teeing off on him. No one else has been eliminated. Just as I type that, Styles eliminates RVD. Pope sends Magnus hard into the corner.

Christopher Daniels is out next. Styles immediately nails him with a Superman, a clothesline and a back elbow. Daniels escapes a Styles Clash, and Styles accidentally nails Angle with a Ghetto Blaster. Daniels then eliminates Styles before eliminating Angle. The World Tag Team Champions have both been eliminated. Pope takes E down with a flying shoulderblock.

Samoa Joe is out, and he lays in some forearms on Pope and Daniels. E piefaces him, so Joe headbutts him and throws him over the top. Robbie E is eliminated. Daniels begins trying to eliminate Joe with Pope, but Magnus throws them both off. He lands a big boot on Daniels. Joe then chops Magnus across the chest, starting some friendly competition. They trade some punches, and Magnus takes Joe down with a big boot. Joe low bridges him charging in, and Magnus gets sent to the floor. Magnus is eliminated. It’s down to Joe, Daniels and Pope. Joe and Pope take turns punching Daniels.

James Storm is the next entrant. He immediately throws Pope out. D’Angelo Dinero is eliminated. Back body drop, clothesline and Closing Time for Daniels. Daniels blocks the Last Call, but Storm quickly clotheslines him over the top rope. Christopher Daniels is eliminated. We learn the last man in the series will be whoever loses the World title match later tonight. Joe and Storm trade some blows, and they are apparently the last two in this match. Joe kicks Storm and tries to throw him out, but Storm skins the cat. He tries to eliminate Joe, but Joe lands on his feet on the apron. He locks Storm in the Kokina Clutch, but Storm hotshots him and lands the Last Call, eliminating Joe.

WINNER: James Storm, who earns 20 points. Storm grabs a microphone and says the last time he was in the ring, he thought his luck had ran out, so he went home. For the last two months, he’s been spending time with his family and on his farm, a place he built with blood, sweat and tears, just like his wrestling career. He said that if wrestling was still in his blood, his home would tell him. A couple weeks ago, he and his daughter were riding horses when she asked him if he would still wrestle. It wasn’t the question she asked him, but what she meant by it. He knows what wrestling means to him. What he didn’t know is what it meant to his little girl. Last Sunday, at Slammiversary and even tonight, he didn’t realize what he meant to everyone of the fans as well until then. A “Welcome back” chant starts, despite the fact he really never went anywhere, and we’ve been inundated with videos of him since he “left”. He made a promise to himself and his daughter, and now he’s going to make one to the fans-he came back to be the World Champion, and if he didn’t make himself clear, “Cowboy” James Storm is back, and Bobby Roode, he hopes and prays Roode is champion after the BFG series is over, because that’s going to be a bonus for whooping his ass. Stupid catchphrase time.

Bobby Roode is backstage, and Anonymous Interviewer asks him what he thinks about James Storm returning. Roode isn’t scared. Storm is jealous of him, just like everyone else. If Storm wants to come after the belt, that’s fine. Tonight, however, he has a bigger fish to fry in the form of an asshole. And no, ass hasn’t been censored tonight. Give it a little bit, though, and SpikeTV will forget what it’s doing and start censoring it again.

While advertising for upcoming TNA shows, we get to hear some “fan” talk about how awesome the company. I love these guys, because it’s so obvious they’re reading off a cue card.

We see Kurt Angle and AJ Styles in the locker room. Angle wants to know what the hell is going on with Styles. He needs to get this crap with Dixie Carter out of his head, or he’s going to cost them the titles. Styles promises he’ll get it straight and get focused.

We see Miss Tessmacher win the Knockouts title from this past Sunday. There’s only a couple of people in this company less deserving than Tessmacher, and they’re barely less deserving.

MATCH 4: Madison Rayne vs. Knockouts Champion Miss Tessmacher (non-title)
Rayne starts off with a side headlock. Tessy counters into her own, follows with a takedown, an armdrag and a godawful dropkick. Rayne gets Tessy into the corner and charges in, but runs into a completely whiffed boot by Tessy. Rayne whips her down by the hair, then throws her into the opposite corner. Hip bump in the corner by Rayne, followed by that stupid facebuster by the hair that’s been done since the dawn of time, which gets 2. Tessy lands a forearm and a neckbreaker. More forearms to the face. A pair of clotheslines off the ropes, followed by a “flying” forearm. Mug Shot out of the corner gets 2. Tessy goes for the Brooke Shield, but Rayne blocks it and goes for the Rayne Drop. Tessy nails a knee to the gut, then hits a version of the Nightmare on Helms Street for the 3.

WINNER: Miss Tessmacher. For some reason, the camera focuses on her standing on the stage for about a minute or two, just staring off into space.

We see Gail Kim and Brooke Hogan in the back. Brooke says Open Fight Night is next week, and the Knockouts title will be on the line. Brooke wants four girls in the match. Kim says no, saying she deserves the match one-on-one. She has a rematch clause. Brooke agrees, but says the contract doesn’t say when the rematch happens, and Brooke is going to decide that. She won’t be in the title match next week, and will in fact have the day off. Listening to Brooke Hogan makes me sick. Not only is she repulsive to look at, but she sounds just like her dad. If she had bigger arms, you couldn’t tell the difference between her and her dad. It’s horrifying.

So, tonight, TNA is showing video footage of all of the match results from Slammiversary, basically telling everyone who paid for the show, “You’re stupid for buying us.”

MATCH 5-World Championship: Mr. Anderson vs. Champion Bobby Roode
I hope they keep this match short, but at the same time I really, really don’t want another long-winded Sting promo. It’s a no-win situation here. Don’t get me wrong, I like Bobby Roode; it’s his challenger I have a problem with. Man, there are some horrifying-looking people in the front row tonight. Anderson looks drunk tonight. Tie-up to start, with Anderson going into a headlock. Criss-cross sequence ends with an Anderson clothesline. Corner whip by Anderson, followed by a corner clothesline. Roode reverses a second whip, but Anderson comes out of the corner with another clothesline. Roode slides to the apron, and Anderson suplexes him back in for 2. Roode begs off, before throwing Anderson out by the tights. Roode tries a plancha to the floor, but Anderson sidesteps him before whipping him into the steps. Commercials.

Lollipop Chainsaw is going to be awesome. If you’ve ever played a Suda51 game before, you know I’m telling the truth.

Back from the break, Roode is in control with a grounded rear chinlock. During the break, Roode nailed a clothesline on the outside. Anderson fights out with elbows and counters a kitchen sink into a schoolboy for 2. Backslide by Anderson gets another 2. Roode blocks a swinging neckbreaker with an elbow to the back of the head, then lands a neckbreaker of his own for 2. Roode with a jumping kneedrop to the back of the head for another 2. Roode goes back to the rear chinlock. He turns it into a front chancery, then into a neck vice. Anderson fights out, then sends Roode into the corner. Roode elbows off a corner charge, but runs right into a clothesline. Another clothesline follows, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. Anderson looks for the rolling fireman’s carry, but Roode escapes. Anderson misses a roundhouse, but keeps spinning and lands a Ghetto Blaster. He looks for the Mic Check, but Roode reverses into the Bowflex. Anderson counters into a pin for 2, then follows up with the rolling fireman’s carry slam for 2. Roode slides to the outside, where he manages to sucker Anderson into pulling him back into the ring. Roode hotshots the arm, then gets back in the ring, locks Anderson in a hammerlock, and sends him into the top rope, shoulder-first. Roode quickly locks in the Bowflex a second time, and Anderson eventually taps out.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Bobby Roode.

Backstage, we see Dixie Carter and AJ Styles talking again. Carter says they need to come clean, and next week, they need to get all of this out in the open. Dixie is reading off a cue card off to the side. You can tell, because she can’t look him in the eye. The two then hug.

Back from the break, we see highlights from the Gauntlet Match earlier tonight. How in the hell are Robbie E and D’Angelo Dinero more qualified for this series than most of the guys who have been left out?

Open Fight Night and the Gut Check are next week. Ugh.

Jeremy Borash, looking fatter than ever, is in the ring to introduce Sting, who became the first member of TNA’s Hall of Fame this past Sunday. Borash’s exact words before showing the video: “That man is this gentleman.” We get a video package for Sting, including wrestling clips and interviews with his colleagues. I want to know why every other wrestler talking in this video is wearing sunglasses? Hulk Hogan also makes up words during this video, such as “uncomparable”.

After the video, Sting comes out and calls Slammiversary one of the greatest nights he’s ever experienced in his career. The two weeks leading up to Slammiversary and Slammiversary itself, Sting’s only goal was to take a huge chunk out of Bobby Roode’s, and he did. He can’t tell you what it means to him to become the first HOF inductee. As he stood on the stage next to everyone at the PPV, he felt there were guys who deserved it as much as he did, if not more. He thanks Jeff & Jerry Jarrett for starting the company, then thanks Dixie Carter. Before he can finish thanking them, three guys in leather vests, jeans and masks hit the ring and begin attacking Sting. One of them chokes him with a wallet chain as the other two continue to stomp him. The attack continues unopposed as the show goes off the air.

End of show.

Meh. As for the end of the show, I don’t know who the three guys were. I’m sure it will be revealed tonight or tomorrow online, but I couldn’t tell right away who they were due to the way they were dressed. I’m sure that, whoever they are, it will be really disappointing.

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/XDustinEFLX, and if you like Married…With Children, you can follow my Al Bundy parody account at http://www.twitter.com/bundyisms. Also follow my personal blog at http://nerdslikeme.blogspot.com (feedback is welcome). Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out my mom’s official site by clicking the banner below:

Thanks for reading, and as long as Spike TV still fronts the bill, I’ll see you next week.

-Dustin

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