This week’s Impact Wrestling opens with comments from Magnus regarding his loss last week. He says he’s not happy, but before he can finish, Bobby Roode cuts him off and tells him to blame only himself. Magnus grabs him by the shirt, and that’s when the two members of Bad Influence attack him from behind. Referees and officials eventually split the two sides up.
Kazarian marches down to the ring, and the two begin brawling. Eventually, Christopher Daniels comes down as well and attacks Magnus from behind. Magnus ducks a Kaz clothesline and sends him to the floor before stomping Daniels down in the corner. Bobby Roode comes down and nails a clothesline, and now it’s a 3-on-1 attack. Sting’s music hits as Sting and Samoa Joe make their way down to clear the ring. Sting tells them that it’s on, and they want a 6-man tag team match tonight.
We see Chris Sabin with Velvet Sky and Manik (unmasked). Sabin saw what Manik demanded of Hulk Hogan last week, and was very impressed how Manik stepped up. Sabin makes some remark about asking Sky out before telling Manik he’s proud of his success, then begins bragging about his own successes before telling Manik, “You’re welcome.” After Manik leaves, Sabin tells Sky he wants to get a closer look at this match. I smell a pointless heel turn.
MATCH 1: Jeff Hardy vs. World X-Division Champion Manik (non-title)
Before the match starts, Chris Sabin and Velvet Sky come out and sit at ringside. Manik applies a side headlock, then goes into an arm wringer. Hardy counters into his own, and Manik counters into a single-leg takedown for 1. Hardy does the same, and we get an indyriffic standoff. Manik puts Hardy in the corner, then whips him across the ring. Hardy counters with a spinning headscissors, sending Manik to the floor. Hardy kicks him through the ropes, then hits a running clothesline from the apron. Back in the ring, Hardy nails a reverse enziguri that sends Manik crashing into the corner. Manik avoids a slingshot dropkick, ducks a clothesline, then drop toe-holds Hardy into the middle rope. He follows up with an inside-out seated dropkick, but misses a springboard cross-body. Hardy hits the Botch in the Wind for 2. He goes for the Twist, and Manik counters with a fireman’s carry facebuster. He goes for his finisher (still doesn’t have a name, and Hardy escapes. Manik counters into a roll-up for 2. He tries for a neckbreaker out of the corner, but Hardy blocks and hits the Twist of Fate. Hardy connects with the swanton bomb and gets 3.
WINNER: Jeff Hardy. The two shake hands after the match before Hardy leaves the ring. Sabin then enters the ring, applauding Manik before raising his arm. As Manik turns his back, Sabin attacks him, stomping him down. Hardy returns to the ring and chases Sabin off. Sabin begins making a strange grunting noise, then smiles before leaving.
We see Dixie Carter arriving earlier today. AI asks her what’s going on, and she responds with, “A lot going on.” Man, she is a hell of a conversationalist. AI asks her if one of the things going on is AJ Styles, and she responds, “A lot going on.” Dammit if she doesn’t cut an amazing promo!
We see Chris Sabin and Velvet Sky in the back. AI asks why he attacked Manik. He calls Manik the most disrespectful man he’s ever met. No one realizes how much clout he has in TNA, and no one gives him the respect he deserves. He’s going to take his respect.
MATCH 2-Knockouts Championship: ODB vs. Mickie James (Champion)
In case you haven’t heard, this is James’ last match, as she did not come to terms on a new contract with TNA. Hate to spoil the ending, but I figured I might as well get that out of the way. ODB chest-bumps James, and James takes her down. ODB reverses and hits a few punches before hitting a shoulderblock. James thumbs her in the eye, hits a snapmare and a seated dropkick for 1. James hits a kick in the corner, then whips ODB across the ring. ODB blocks the charge and goes for the Clam Buffet, but James snaps her to the mat. James chokes ODB across the middle rope, but ODB retaliates with a spear for 2. James hits a couple of kicks and a flapjack before going to the top rope. She misses the Thesz press, and ODB comes up with a fall-away slam. James slides to the floor and calls for a time-out. ODB tries to pull her back in, but James breaks free, trips her on the apron, then traps her between the apron and the ring skirt. ODB fights back with punches as we go to commercials.
Back from the break, the match is back in the ring, and James scores with a neckbreaker for 2. She goes for the pin once more, getting another 2. James attacks ODB in the corner. ODB reverses a whip before running into a boot and a back elbow. James goes for the Tunacanrana, but ODB counters into a falling powerbomb. The two trade rights, and ODB gets the best of the exchange. James comes back with a kick and a series of forearms before ODB hits a clothesline and a shoulderblock. ODB hits a delayed vertical suplex for 2, then signals for an avalanche in the corner. James blocks it with a pair of boots and hits the Mick Kick. She calls for the standing tornado DDT, but then decides to pull ODB to the corner for a regular tornado DDT. ODB escapes and hits the Bam!
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: ODB, who becomes a 4-time champion. Eric Young and Joseph Park come to the ring to celebrate ODB’s big win when the Bro-Mans interrupt the festivities. Robbie E asks what the hell is going on here, bro? What the hell is going on around this place, bro? They hate to break up this really weird celebration, but it’s one thing for EY to be in the ring, as he’s actually married to “that”. But you, Joseph Park, you’re just a “3rd wheel hamster loser”, bro. But congratulations, because this is the creepiest threesome he’s ever seen. Park takes the mic and asks who in the hell they think they are, trying to diminish the knew Knockouts Champion? How dare these two try to besmirch the tradition of holy matrimony. Lastly, how dare they insult St. Louis in those ridiculous outfits. If he wasn’t wearing his suit jacket, he’d put up his dukes and teach them a lesson. E says that, in “bro-man” terms, it sounds like he’s challenging E to a match, bro. EY takes the mic and says Park has a suit on. Unfortunately for E, he does not.
MATCH 3: Eric Young (w/Joseph Park) vs. Robbie E (w/Jesse)
EY immediately rolls up E out of the corner and gets 3.
WINNER: Eric Young. Yes, that was literally the entire match. E gets on the mic and says that wasn’t a match because he wasn’t ready for EY, bro. He wanted Park. That match didn’t count, and he still wants Park. What’s the matter, Park? Are you scared, you fat bastard? Park takes off the glasses and the jacket and begins heading back to the ring.
MATCH 4: Joseph Park (w/Eric Young) vs. Robbie E (w/Jesse)
E misses a charge in the corner and Park rolls him up for 3.
WINNER: Joseph Park. God, I hate this show so much right now. After the match, the Bro-Mans attack EY and Park from behind, knocking Park to the floor. They hit EY with a hoisted implant DDT, then head out to the floor, where they ram Park face-first into the ring post. Back in the ring, they continue to double-team EY, and Park gets back in the ring, mouth bleeding. The Bro-Mans turn around, and Park hits a double clothesline. Jesse gets hit with a chokeslam, and E receives the Black Hole Slam. Mike Tenay mentions Park’s “brother” Abyss, but then fails to mention that Abyss is their current TV Champion because even he knows the title means d*ck. Park snaps out of his “transformation a few seconds later”, and EY raises his arm.
Hulk Hogan stops Dixie Carter in the back, asking what is going with AJ Styles. She ignores him and plays on Twitter.
Aces and Eights make their way out, led by Bully Ray. He says it sounds like everyone is really happy to see him tonight. He understands the crowd is proud of their World Heavyweight Champion. He then asks where Ken Anderson is before asking the fans a question: do you know who he is? I sure as hell don’t, so maybe someone can fill me in. He’s the World Champion, the president of A and E, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. There is someone he needs to thank. He couldn’t have defended the belt if it wasn’t for someone special. If it wasn’t for someone he has a lot of love for and always does right by him. The reason he continues to be the World Champion…is because of Brooke Tessmacher. Without her, he’d be nothing. She’s like the wind beneath his wings. The way she came to the ring and drilled Anderson right in the nuts for him, she is the reason why he is still the World Champion. During this entire speech, the other 3 members of A and E are all looking on, confused. He turns to them and asks what’s the problem. Wes Brisco begins screaming that they’ve done everything he’s asked, and now, he’s blowing them off for Brooke. Ray tells Wes to watch his mouth, and to not even look at Brooke any more. Garett Bischoff takes the mic and says Wes has a point, reminding him who has been with him since day one. Ever since Brooke came along, Ray’s judgment and priorities are out of whack. Ray says he likes Garett’s passion and guts, but then backs him into the corner and tells him to never “bow up” like that again. He made both members of the Wonder Twins, calling them nobodies before they were brought into the club. If they ever step out of line again, he will smack them both in the face. Knux takes the mic and asks if Ray is going to slap him in the face, too. He’s been a member since day one. Ray has a big mouth, and maybe he’s the guy to shut it for him. They sacrifice night after night so Ray can keep the belt. After the first year-and-a-half, they went from 25 members to 4. The club is falling apart under Ray’s leadership. For the last year, it’s been Bully Ray business, not club business. Ray forgot the first rule of the club: bros before hoes. Ray shoves Knux and grabs the mic. He tells Knux if he ever steps out of line again or refers to Brooke as a “ho”, he will knock Knux’s head off. Knux throws his hat down and steps up to Ray. Ray backs off and leaves the ring with Brooke.
The three remaining members of the Main Event Mafia are in the back. Sting tells Magnus not to forget who he is. Joe says no one runs roughshod over them, and they are going out to get revenge.
Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez come out for a non-title match with the tag champs. If they win, they get a shot at the tag titles. Hernandez needs to beat his tattoo artist to death, then shoot himself for thinking any of that ink looks good. Before the match, Chavo grabs a mic and says that, as much as he “wants to wipe their faces off this mat, and trust me, nothing would please me more”, he’s injured and the doctor has not cleared him for this fight. Sorry, they’re not going to beat you today. Gunner calls them scared, then tells Chavo to shut his mouth. He’s out here to fight, and before he leaves the ring, someone is going to fight him. He asks what’s wrong with Hernandez, then challenges him to a match.
MATCH 5: Hernandez (w/Chavo Guerrero) vs. World Tag Team Co-Champion Gunner (w/James Storm)
Hernandez attacks Gunner in the corner, and Gunner fights out before getting hit with a standing avalanche for 1. A “U-S-A” chant breaks out, despite the fact that all four of these guys are from the same country, and are all in fact from the south. The two trade forearms, with Gunner getting the best of it. He goes for a suplex, and Hernandez counters by dropping Gunner gut-first across the top rope for 1. He chops Gunner in the corner, then whips him hard across the ring. He goes for the over-the-shoulder backbreaker drop, which connects for 2. Gunner blocks a Warrior Splash, then begins nailing some forearms before getting hit with a Pounce. Gunner pulls himself up in the corner, where he backdrops Hernandez to the outside. Hernandez lands on his feet and hits a few forearms before hitting Air Mexico. He punches Gunner in the face, and Gunner fights back from his knees. Hernandez picks him up, and they trade shots until Hernandez hits a kneelift. He looks for a suplex, and Gunner counters into a slingshot suplex. He ducks a clothesline, hits one of his own, lands a back suplex and a boot to the gut that sends Hernandez to the corner. Gunner hits a running forearm and a fall-away slam before hitting a uranage backbreaker for 3.
We see AJ Styles in the back, talking to someone on his phone.
MATCH 6: EGO (Christopher Daniels, Kazarian and Bobby Roode) vs. The Main Event Mafia (Magnus, Samoa Joe and Sting)
As the MEM come out, Sting heads to the back for a moment, only to resurface with a baseball bat. Joe and Daniels start the match and Daniels clubs Joe from behind off a distraction by Roode. He throws Joe to the corner for some shots to the face and chest before sending him across the ring. Joe counters the charge with a uranage, then begins hitting some punches and kicks on Daniels, sending him to the corner. Joe follows up with a running knee strike and the Face Wash. Daniels slides to the floor before the running boot can connect, and he tags in Kaz, who gets whipped into the ring by Joe. Kaz blocks a corner whip by mounting the middle rope and going for a cross-body, but Joe just walks out of the way. Kaz ends up in the Mafia corner, where Magnus knocks him down with a right. Magnus tags in, and Joe hits an inverted atomic drop, followed by a running boot by Magnus, followed by a running senton by Joe for 2. Magnus drops Kaz with a European uppercut, then tags in Sting, who hits a dropkick that sends Kaz to the floor. Sting throws Kaz over the steps, then whips him into them. Back in the ring, Sting hits Kaz with an inverted atomic drop and goes for a clothesline. Daniels distracts him, so Sting knocks both him and Roode off the apron. Daniels trips Sting from the floor, allowing Kaz to connect with a springboard legdrop. Commercials.
Back from the break, Sting is hitting Roode with rights. Roode comes back with a running kneelift and a big boot for 2. Kaz tags in and hits a chop to the chest before throwing Sting face-first into Daniels’ boot. EGO triple-teams Sting in the corner. Daniels tags in, hits a running clothesline in the corner, then sends him into a spinning heel kick by Kaz for 2. Daniels applies a half-nelson/chinlock combo. Sting fights out, but gets shouldered in the gut. Daniels hits a snapmare and tags in Kaz, who hits a slingshot legdrop for 2 before applying a front chancery. Roode distracts the ref as Sting tries to make the tag, and when the other two members of the Mafia come in, Roode drags Sting back to the EGO corner for a triple-team. Kaz nails Sting with a forearm, and Daniels holds him in place as Roode tags in. He hits a suplex on Sting, then stomps him down. Kaz makes the fake tag behind the ref’s back as he’s distracted by Magnus. He knocks Joe off the apron, then sends Sting into the ropes. Daniels holds him in place, and Sting moves, causing Kaz to nail Daniels. He hits Kaz with a clothesline, then tags in Magnus as Roode tags in. Magnus gets in the typical hot tag offense, ending with the misdirection clothesline. Magnus hits the MDD for 2 as Daniels breaks it up. Joe headbutts Daniels before Daniels throws him to the floor. Sting comes in and chops Daniels, and Kaz attacks from behind. Sting ducks a double clothesline and hits one of his own. Roode in, and he snaps off a DDT on Sting. Joe hits a running hip bump on Roode, followed by a spin kick to the head. He snapmares Roode as Magnus comes off the middle rope with the flying elbow for 2. Daniels breaks up the pin. Joe fights off the two members of Bad Influence, knocking Kaz to the floor. He ducks a Daniels clothesline and hits a suicide dive on Kaz. Daniels signals for his own, but Sting intercepts him with a back body drop. He hits the Stinger Splash and applies the scorpion deathlock. Roode comes in with the baseball bat, but Magnus takes one for the team, stepping between the two and taking a bat shot to the back. Kaz knocks Sting to the floor, and Roode quickly gets the 3 on Magnus.
Up next, AJ Styles confronts Dixie Carter. I know you’re just as thrilled about this as I am.
AJ makes his way out. He says he has been with TNA since day one, busting his butt with his brothers to make this an alternative for you to watch, just trying to put this company on the map. But poof! It happened. Dixie Carter’s daddy bought her a “wrasslin’ company”. No blood, no sweat and no experience in wrestling at all. The problem is she broke up the chemistry that made TNA what it was. That was the problem. She had stars in her eyes, and what happened to those stars? What happened to Jerry Lynn? What happened to Low-Ki’? She traded them in for MMA stars and guys that needed a 2-year paid vacation, only to end up back in another promotion where they belong. And for what? So that Alex Shelley couldn’t be here. So Jay Lethal couldn’t be here. Petey Williams. All these great wrestlers are not here because of that very thing, and it pisses him off. Is he the only one who is pissed off about this? Here’s the biggest mistake, Dixie: it’s staring you right in the face. You’ve given him the opportunity to win YOUR title, and despite what the internet says, he doesn’t have a contract here. And there’s not a contracted wrestler back there that has any respect for you anyway. All of those wrestlers that you picked off one-by-one, you left one standing. He’s going to win the World title. He’s going to do it for him, the other wrestlers, the fans, and Dixie, he’s going to make you get on your knees and beg, and then he’s going to make you pay.
As she leaves, AJ tells her to put that microphone where it belongs. She orders the production truck to cut his mic, that the show is over. The lights go black.
End of show.
Well, thank you Dixie Carter, for creating possibly the stupidest heel turn in history. She must have looked at Claire Lynch and said, “No. This company can do worse. I PERSONALLY can do worse. Let’s make it happen.”
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below: