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WWE RAW Results November 5 & Report – Big Change To Survivor Series

November 06, 2012 By: Category: Videos, WWE | Pro Wrestling

A very disappointing episode of WWE Monday Night Raw as we get a lot of confusion to the Survivor Series card, a lot of tag team matches and very little else. So let’s get started…

This week Raw opens with a strange sounding recap of last week that I am sure reminded everyone of TNA’s Impact recaps.

We see a video from earlier today of a conversation between Paul Heyman and the Miz. The Miz says he doesn’t trust Heyman or Punk and quits Team Punk.

Match #1: Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara and R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro and the Prime Time Players

As the trend of only showing some entrances on TV, R-Truth and Sin Cara are already in the ring when Rey Mysterio enters. Cesaro gets a close call when he tags himself in and hits Rey with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. However, in the end, Sin Cara sets Cesaro up for 619, Rey hits it and then Truth finishes Cesaro with his finisher for the win.

Winners: Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara and R-Truth

Pretty standard match here involving a number of mid card superstars. I also like the inclusion of two feuds in this one match. I was thinking it could be the start of another traditional five on five match for Survivor Series. Add 3MB members Slater and Jinder Mahal on the heel side and Team CoBro on the face side and there you have it.

Managing Supervisor of Raw – Vickie Guerrero

Vickie has the mic as she walks to the ring and talks about how happy she is that AJ resigned. A lot of boos from the crowd. She reviews the evidence. Crowd is really loud. Chanting “who are ya?” John Cena interrupts. Cena’s back in green. Cena says Vickie running a clean show is like Cena learning to wrestle. Vickie shows new evidence, which includes AJ knocking on a hotel door in a robe and goes into a room. Vickie shows another video of Cena coming out of a room in a towel. Cena tells Vickie she has no proof that those were the same room. Vickie calls out AJ. AJ appears on the big screen. She looks angry. She says to Vickie, “you don’t want me to go out there because I will give you the beating of your life. And then you’ll fire me and I will be out of a job and I won’t be able to do what I love to do.” Ziggler enters with his arm around AJ. Ziggler says we all know what you love to do. Cena leaves the ring and heads to the back as Vickie is laughing.

Backstage Segment – Paul Heyman

Heyman talking to Wade Barrett trying to convince him to join Team Punk. He agrees on the condition that Heyman owes him. And he wants to see it on paper.

Daniel Bryan (with Kane) vs. Cody Rhodes (with Damien Sandow)

The trend continues as Cody is already in the ring when Bryan enters. Back and forth action to start the match. Eventually, Bryan dumps Rhodes to the floor. Kane looks at Rhodes until Sandow attacks Kane. Bryan dives through the ropes and tkes out Sandow. Cody hits the disaster kick on Bryan outside the ring. Cody brings Bryan back into the ring and hits cross Rhodes for the win.  Cody wins

Winner: Cody Rhodes

Post Match: Rhodes volunteers Sandow to face Kane

Kane (with Daniel Bryan) vs. Damien Sandow (with Cody Rhodes)

Kane wins with a chokeslam

When we come back from commercial, the match has begun already. Kane is in control and drops a big elbow followed by a two count. Cody gets on the apron for a distraction but Bryan comes over for a brawl. Bryan chases Cody through the ring. The referee sends Cody and Bryan to the back. In the end, Kane wins with a chokeslam.

I am glad to see this feud continuing. With both teams set to be in a traditional Survivor Series match, I expect the tag title rematch to occur at the TLC pay-per-view.

Michael Cole Interviews Brad Maddox

Michael Cole introduces Brad Maddox. Maddox says he is not working with Punk and Heyman. He says it was all him. It was his plan. All he ever wanted to be was a WWE superstar. He once paid $2,000 dollars for a tryout. Finally, he was given a chance with a developmental contract. Even there he wasn’t good enough. Why? because he’s not a freak, giant or monster. He is not a high flyer either. Chants of you can’t wrestle in a lovely British accent. Even when WWE officials told him he would never make it to the main roster his dream didn’t die. It got stronger. So he would do whatever it took to get to the WWE. That’s why he became a referee. All he needed was one chance to make an impact. He made an impact. Feed me more chants. Brad Maddox wants a contract and a match with Ryback. Maddox says no one will forget who Brad Maddox is.

Mr. McMahon’s music hits and the chairman enters. He says he doesn’t think Maddox did it on his own. McMahon will give a million dollar contract if Maddox can beat Ryback next week on Raw. Vince tells Maddox to get out of his ring. Vince goes to the back and comes back out with Vickie Guerrero. Vince asks why Vickie let Punk hide behind his team at Survivor Series. Vince suggests Punk defend his title at Survivor Series. Vince suggests Vickie give a title shot to Ryback and she catches on. The crowd pops. Vince then suggests a triple threat match with Cena and the match is on.

Sheamus vs. The Miz

Big Show on commentary. Back and forth match while Big Show argues with Michael Cole. In the end, Miz ducks  Brogue Kick and goes for Skull Crushing Finale, but Sheamus breaks out of it. Sheamus catches Miz in White Noise and then hits the Brogue Kick for the win.

Winner: Sheamus

After the match, Show holds up the title at ringside as Sheamus stares back at him.

I wouldn’t say it was a bad match, but I don’t know what WWE is doing with the Miz. His career in WWE has been very up and down. This was a good match to have to help feed the Sheamus-Big Show feud, but it did very little for the Miz. After he quit Team Punk, where is he going now?

Backstage Segment – Punk, Ziggler, Guerrero

Dolph Ziggler is waiting outside of Mr. McMahon’s office. Vickie Guerrero comes out and tells Dolph that it will now be Team Ziggler instead of Punk at Survivor Series. Punk enters and says Vince is just trying to screw him. Punk is upset about the triple threat match announced earlier. Punk says Vince is an ego-maniac and now Vince is getting revenge for their recent match. Vickie announces that tonight’s main event is Punk and Ziggler vs. Cena and Ryback.

Eve and Aksana vs. Layla and Kaitlyn

Pretty typical divas match here. I honestly can’t remember ever seeing Aksana wrestle. At least not on Raw. In the end, Eve hits Layla with a neckbreaker, but then Kaitlyn comes in with an inverted DDT on Eve. Kaitlyn pins Eve for the win.

Winners: Layla and Kaitlyn

Backstage Segement – Ricardo Rodriguez and Alberto Del Rio

Ricardo Rodriguez is backstage with Alberto Del Rio talking about Team Punk. Del Rio bumps into Rosa Mendes before walking off to the ring. Back to commercial.

I would love to see Rosa join ADR and Ricardo permanently.

Kofi Kingston vs. Del Rio

Didn’t we see this match a week or two ago? In any case, good match from two of the better wrestlers on the roster. In the end, Kofi hits the boom drop and signals for trouble in paradise. However, Del Rio ducks and goes for the armbreaker, but Kofi hits SOS for a two count. Del Rio tries to put Kofi away until Randy Orton’s music hits and he becomes distracted. Kofi takes advantage and rolls Del Rio up for the win.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Post Match: Orton comes through the crowd and lays Del Rio out with a RKO.

Team CoBro vs. Epico and Primo (with Rosa)

Another tag team match as I don’t even know who WWE is trying to highlight in this match. Neither team is really going anywhere. In the end, Santino hits the cobra on Epico for the pin and the win.

Winners: Zack Ryder and Santino

Will Team CoBro get a push? Probably not. There are a ton of tag teams now in the WWE. They were probably just trying to highlight the fact that they have so many tag teams.

Brodus Clay vs. Wade Barrett

The crowd is completely behind hometown hero Wade Barrett as he squares off against squasher turned squashee Brodus Clay. In the end, Clay hits a pair of clotheslines and a headbutt. Brodus then splashes Barrett in the corner, but he tries again and Barrett gets out of the way. Barrett hits the souvenier elbow for the pin and the win. The crowd goes insane!

Winner: Wade Barrett

Heath Slater vs. Jey Uso

Interesting squash match here for…Jey Uso? Drew McIntyre is not with 3MB here tonight due to his mother being ill. In the end, Heath Slater gets his knees up during Uso’s superfly splash and Slater hits the smash hit for the pin and the win.

Winner: Heath Slater

I’m glad we didn’t see another 3MB versus CoBro match, but then again why did they need to be in separate matches? Is WWE actually pushing mid card and jobbers?

CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena and Ryback

Before the match, CM Punk says that he’s being screwed by Vince McMahon. Since winning the title 351 days ago he’s set the bar to an attainable level. He promises to celebrate as champion for 364 days at Survivor Series and prove that he’s the best in the world.

During the match, it is all Cena against Punk and Ziggler as they prevent him from tagging in Ryback. Ziggler hits Cena with numerous elbow drops. Ziggler decides to do sit ups in the ring. Cena hits the AA on Punk. Ziggler is tagged in and stops Cena from tagging Ryback again. Cena finally tags in Ryback, while Punk is also tagged in. Ryback destroys Punk and hits him with the shell shock for the pin and the clean win.

Winner: Ryback and John Cena

Ryback and Cena have a stare-down after the match. Ryback yells Feed me More at Cena, who looks a little scared as the show ends.

Overall, again probably the worst episode of Raw since it went to three hours. The Survivor Series card is a mess. It seems as though there were a lot of last minute changes backstage. If WWE was just going to go with this triple threat match, then the last couple of weeks hyping the Team Punk vs. Team Foley match were a waste. We saw no Foley tonight. Team Punk became Team Ziggler and Team Foley is still missing a member.

There is very little time left until the big Survivor Series pay-per-view and only one more episode of Raw. Survivor Series has gone from very intriguing to very questionable.

It’s been me. It’s been me. It’s been the G-U-DOUBLE T!

Seth Guttenplan is a teacher by day, writer by night. Seth is the owner for GuTTWrenchPowerBlog.com, Bleacher Report Writer and a host for ProWrestlingPowerhouse.com Radio. To read more from Seth, follow him on Twitter (@sethgutt) and visit http://guttwrenchpowerblog.com

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WWE RAW Results October 29 & Report – Punk Challenges Foley

October 30, 2012 By: Category: Videos, WWE | Pro Wrestling

In the aftermath of Hell in a Cell 2012, WWE wasted no time in preparing for the next pay per view, Survivor Series, which is just three weeks away. By the end of the night we had a traditional five on five match for Survivor Series, but what else occurred during RAW? Did Ric Flair make his rumored return to WWE? Did Ryback get revenge of CM Punk or Brad Maddox? What’s the latest between the AJ-Cena affair? So many unanswered questions and only one writer here to answer them so let’s get to it.

Opening Segment: CM Punk and Paul Heyman

Tonight’s Raw opens with CM Punk and Paul Heyman. Punk tells everyone including commentators and various audience members that they are wrong and were proven wrong by Punk. Punk says he has proven everyone wrong for 344 days. Punk says since day one, he has survived. Punk talks about how he has beaten Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton and John Cena. Punk says Ryback is not even in the conversation. Punk would rather talk about his monumental victory from last night. Punk says he had nothing to do with the referee controversy. Punk says Maddox was hired by AJ. He mentions how he cost him a match weeks ago. Punk says there will be no rematch.

Mick Foley music hits and interrupts.

Foley mentions how Punk was left on his back on top of the cage. Punk asks Foley if he came out to embarrass him? Foley says no, Punk did a great job embarrassing himself at Hell in a Cell. Foley says Punk blew it in terms of the tradition of Hell in a Cell (Foley references his previous legend vs. statistic line). Punk suggests a traditional survivor series match – Team Foley vs. Team Punk. Foley accepts.

Ryback music hits

Punk and Heyman escape.

Match #1: Ryback vs JTG

A squash match by Ryback. What more can I say? When the match first began. I thought are we going back in time? If they want better ratings they have to do something differently. Ryback wins with shellshocked. End of story.

Josh Matthews interviews Ryback

For whatever reason, Josh Matthews attempts to get an interview before Ryback grabs mic. Ryback then delivers an amazing promo that shows that he really can talk! Ryback says, “Revenge is a confession of pain. I’m not hurt. I’m hungry. And when I feast again, it will be on CM Punk. Feed. Me. PUNK!!!”

Match #2: Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

The second match of the night featured two previous foes in Randy Orton and Wade Barrett. Barrett received no TV entrance, while we received half of one for Orton. Interesting way for WWE to save time on a three hour show – cut the entrances. Sorry, but the entrances help build up the match. Great match from two of the best in WWE today. The match spilled to the outside after a dropkick by Orton. Orton slams Barrett on the steps and Spanish announce table. When they get back into the ring, Orton has control as the match leads into a commercial. After the break, Barrett has control. Eventually, Orton fights back and hits some clotheslines and a powerslam. He tries for an RKO. Barrett stops him and hits a Black Hole Slam for a two count. Barrett tries for the Souvenir, but Orton turns it into an RKO for the pin and win.

Winner: Randy Orton

This would make a great ongoing rivalry. Both Orton and Barrett deserve to be in the World Heavyweight Championship picture. Quite frankly, the WHC title picture is wide open so anything could happen.

Backstage: AJ and Vickie Guerrero

Vickie says she brought AJ in so AJ can admit to the affair with John Cena, but AJ refuses to admit anything. Vickie says the board of directors has given her the power to hire AJ back as a wrestler. AJ apologizes and says she wants to perform. Vickie asks AJ what her biggest weakness is. AJ says she can become emotionally attached to…her job. Vickie asks AJ if she’s crazy. Vickie says when she comes back she wants AJ to give her one good reason to give her a contract.

This was a great backstage segment. AJ needs to get back to wrestling. She could be a top Diva in the WWE. That certainly is not difficult to be when there are only five or six active divas, but still. Hashtag AJ for Divas Champion.

Match #3: Team Hell No vs Prime Time Players

Darren Young and Daniel Bryan start the match. Bryan hits his signature series of kicks to the chest until Kane tags himself in. Team Hell No continue to tag themselves in quickly. Meanwhile, Titus O’Neill comes in and knocks down Bryan. Oneill uses his strength with a couple slams to Bryan. Titus tags D Young back in and they double team Bryan for a moment. Bryan begins to get control, but Kane tags himself back in. Kane hits the flying clothesline and then knocks Titus off the apron. Kane hits Young with a chokeslam. Titus comes in and Kane pushes him out of the ring. In the end, Daniel Bryan tags himself in and uses no lock on D Young who taps out to give Team Hell No the win.  and young taps out

Winners: Team Hell No

It was fairly obvious who was going to win here. In any case, WWE is doing a fantastic job building up the tag team division. Kane and Daniel Bryan continue to be a dysfunctional, yet successful tag team.

Vickie Guerrero’s Evidence

Vickie Guerrero enters and reiterates that she has evidence that proves the relationship between John Cena and AJ Lee. Vickie calls out John Cena to the ring. After Cena enters the ring, Vickie shows a video from Raw three weeks ago when Cena said he wanted to take AJ out on a date. Cena says it was a joke. Vickie then shows a video from last week of Cena hugging AJ. Cena says he was being a good friend because she had just gotten fired. Vickie then shows a picture of Cena and AJ at a romantic dinner. Cena claims it to be the dinner he told everyone about. His business dinner to discuss when he would be back from injury. Vickie says if Cena has an answer for everything then what about this next video? Vickie shows a video of Cena and AJ talking and then going into an elevator. Cena says he know how that looks, but AJ had just lost her job and he was trying to help her and they were just got into an elevator. Cena says AJ is stronger. more resilient and better looking than Vickie. Ziggler’s music hits Ziggler comes out and says everyone has seen enough to draw their own conclusion. Cena grabs Ziggler by his collar and gets in his face. Cena tells Ziggler to never mention his and AJ’s name in the same sentence again. Cena shoves Ziggler to the mat and walks off to the back.

If the only thing that comes out of this storyline is a John Cena-Dolph Ziggler match, many people will be disappointed. I don’t expect AJ to go back to being general manager ever again, however I don’t see Vickie as the permanent authority figure either. Sorry, but no Flair tonight. It would have been the perfect set up.

Match #4: Champion vs. Champion – Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston vs. United States Champion Antonio Cesaro

The Miz joins commentary for this match. Prior to the match, Cesaro says America has the fattest children in the world. He also discusses how Halloween is coming up and calls it a silly American holiday. He says now more than ever America needs Cesaro as the U.S. Champion.

The match begins with a lot of back and forth action until the match lands outside the ring. Kofi throws Cesaro into The Miz who gets up and attacks Kofi causing a disqualification. Cesaro and the Miz double team on Kofi until R-Truth returns and helps his former partner clear the ring.

Winner by DQ: Kofi Kingston

Although the Miz and Kofi Kingston feud should not last much longer, the inclusion of Truth was spectacular here. We knew that Kofi and Truth ended their tag team on a good note and don’t be surprised if this tag team match happens next week. Perhaps this will lead to R-Truth feuding with Cesaro. Honestly, Cesaro needs a real feud. He has shown so much potential, but is constantly thrown into matches against jobbers. Enough is enough!

Backstage: AJ and Vickie

When we come back from commercial, we are backstage with AJ and Vickie again. Vickie teases AJ about caring for Cena. AJ says there is nothing going on between her and Cena and Vickie knows it. Vickie tells AJ she will put AJ on the roster if she admits that she cares about Cena. Obviously, AJ refuses. AJ talks about how WWE means everything to her, but Vickie is not worth lying for or hurting John Cena. AJ is about to leave, but Vickie stops her. Vickie hires AJ. Vickie tells AJ if she ever puts her hands on her, she’s done. Vickie tells AJ her first match will be tonight against Beth Phoenix. AJ smiles, thanks Vickie and walks off.

Interview with 3MB

We see a video of 3MB in the style of Behind the Music. The only entertaining part of this segment was when Jinder Mahal says he is the class clown with a serious face. Some people like this group, this writer does not.

Match #5: Zack Ryder and Santino Marella vs. 3MB (Jinder Mahal and Heath Slater)

These two teams have been feuding recently, so it was nice to see it culminate in a tag team match. A decent match from both face and heel jobbers. In the end, Santino pulls out the Cobra, but McIntyre distracts him. Santino hits McIntyre with the Cobra. Slater comes from behind and hits his finisher on Santino for the win.

Winners: Heath Slater and Jinder Mahal

It’s hard to say what the WWE is trying to do with either of these teams. If they were separately jobbing to Team Hell No and Team Rhodes Scholars it would be totally understandable. 3MB is gaining a lot of momentum, but I am not sure how far this group can realistically go. Only time will tell.

Michael Cole announces Jerry Lawler returns to Raw in 2 weeks!

Match #6: AJ Lee vs. Beth Phoenix

Prior to the match, Beth tries to intimidate AJ by yelling at her. Beth pushes AJ down and continues to talk trash. AJ snaps and attacks Beth. Phoenix slams AJ. The action spills outside the ring for just a moment. Phoenix brings AJ back into the ring and pins her for a two count. Then out of nowhere, AJ rolls Phoenix up for the win.

Winner: AJ Lee

However, after the match, Vickie comes out and says she expected more from AJ. Vickie tells the ref to restart the match. Shortly after the rematch starts, Phoenix hits AJ with a Glam Slam for the win.

Winner: Beth Phoenix

It is starting to seem like this storyline has a lot of focus on Vickie and AJ. This is fine as long as we eventually get to see a match between the two. No matter who wins, neither one gets to be the authority figure of Raw.

Sheamus and Big Show Segment

Sheamus enters the ring and talks about how he still has a smile on his face after losing the World Heavyweight Championship. Sheamus admits that Big Show was the better man at Hell in a Cell. Sheamus mentions how it took two knockout punches to defeat him. For whatever reason, Sheamus says he didn’t come to WWE to win, he came to fight. Sheamus says Big Show may have won the battle, but the war is far from over. Sheamus wants another match with Big Show. Sheamus says it won’t just be fight, it will be an all out war and he will regain the WHC.

Big Show enters. Big Show is smiling as he enters the ring with his new title. Big Show brags about how the belt looks good on him. Big Show says he did what he said he was going to do. Big Show says he has no limits and no one can stop him. Big Show tells Sheamus whatever he bring will not be good enough. Big Show tells Sheamus that he can’t beat him and will never win back the title. Sheamus tells Big Show that was a magnificent speech and goes on to deliver White Noise to Big Show. Sheamus leaves smiling.

Although this could have been a good opportunity to change things up with the World Heavyweight Championship title picture, Sheamus does deserve another shot. It is also possible that Big Show may just have a short reign. It could be similar to how Big Show split up two Intercontinental Championship reigns of Cody Rhodes starting at WrestleMania. Regardless, Big Show should be looked at as a transitional champion.

Backstage: AJ, John Cena, Vickie Guerrero, Beth Phoenix

Backstage we see Cena and AJ talking. They walk off as we see Vickie was hiding, listening to their conversation. Beth Phoenix walks over to Vickie and thanks her for restarting the match. Vickie tells Beth she shouldn’t have had to restart the match. Vickie then tells Beth that she’s fired!

Many people heard the rumors about Beth Phoenix taking time off, but this has to be one of the worst incidents of writing someone off WWE TV. It just makes the writers seem lazy.

Match #7: Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. Team Rhodes Scholars

Yet another tag team match on Raw tonight and one that we saw last Monday as the finals of the tag team tournament. A good match here from two teams WWE certainly thinks very highly of. In the end, Sin Cara put Cody in position for the 619. Rey comes in, but Cody escapes. Both superstars are outside the ring as Cody throws Rey into the steps. Sin Cara hits a corkscrew onto Rhodes and then kicks Sandow in the head. Sin Cara climbs to the top. Rhodes pulls Sandow and Sin Cara lands flat on the mat. Sandow hits his finisher for the win.

Winners: Team Rhodes Scholars

As stated before, WWE thinks very highly of these two teams. I expect Team Rhodes Scholars to pick up the championships come TLC. Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara should be a fairly successful tag team, but until Hell No is out of the picture, Don’t expect them to win the gold.

Backstage: Mick Foley and Paul Heyman

After a plug for WWE ’13 by Foley and Kaitlyn, Heyman enters and asks Foley about his team. Foley tells Heyman he didn’t have to search much because superstars were lining up to be on his team. Foley tells Heyman his team is already set. Heyman tells Foley that Punk is determined to personally victimize Foley at Survivor Series. The teams will be revealed later in the show.

Susan G. Komen Donation

Vince McMahon is on the stage with the entire WWE roster. He introduces some people from the Susan G. Komen foundation and John Cena is in the ring with them. After Cena discusses WWE’s work to help raise money, Cena presents the foundation with a check for $1,000,000 from WWE.

Match #8: Alberto Del Rio vs. Justin Gabriel

A match between two losers from Hell in a Cell is next as Alberto Del Rio faces Justin Gabriel. Del Rio has control early on until Gabriel fights back and we see some back and forth action. Del Rio focuses on Gabriel’s arm, which means you probably see where this is going. In the end, Del Rio wins with the cross armbreaker.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

This really was like watching two losers in a match. Gabriel is not going anywhere due to poor mic skills and Del Rio’s character is as boring as Gabriel.

Team Foley and Team Punk Members Are Announced

Heyman and Punk are out first to announce their team. They have a huge WWE ’13 banner hanging with Punk’s picture. Heyman talks about how he picked the best partners for punk. The first member of Team Punk announced is the Miz. Next, Heyman introduces Team Rhodes Scholars. Finally, Heyman calls the last member of the team an almost co captin and it is Alberto Del Rio. After announcing the team, Punk takes the mic and tells the crowd to shut up. He tells everyone that Survivor Series will be a celebration for Punk will have held the championship for one year.

Mick Foley comes out next to announce his team. The first member of Team Foley to come out is Kofi Kingston. Next, Foley announces Team Hell No. Foley then announces the next member of his team, Randy Orton.  Punk talks for a while as if Foley is the fifth member of his team. Punk says his team will eliminate everyone leaving Foley by himself. Foley tells Punk that’s a good plan, however Foley will not be in the match. Foley brings out the final member of his team, Ryback. A brawl ensues between the two teams. Ryback is left alone in the ring at the end chanting with the crowd, “FEED ME MORE!” as Raw goes off the air.

The announced traditional Survivor Series match seems to have just taken matches from Hell in a Cell and made it into one tag team match. Other superstars who could have been announced in this match were Brock Lesnar, Big Show and Sheamus. This leads to a number of questions going forward.  Will we have a WHC match, but not a WWE title match? Where will John Cena and Dolph Ziggler fit into Survivor Series?

Overall, it was a decent show of Raw, but certainly not the best. Nothing too spectacular occurred except for the first and main Survivor Series match being announced. Hopefully, there will be more than one traditional Survivor Series match this year. Even if that match only consists of mid card superstars. There was no Flair, no storylines completed. All of the feuds from Hell in a Cell will likely continue until Survivor Series and possibly to TLC.

Many questions remain unanswered. Where was Brad Maddox? WWE better not just drop this angle. Who will be the long term authority figure on Raw? What happens next between AJ and John Cena?

One can only hope that next Monday’s Raw will continue to build toward Survivor Series and give us more interesting and entertaining storylines.

Seth Guttenplan is a teacher by day, writer by night. In addition to being the Monday Night Raw reviewer for CamelClutchBlog.com, Seth is a Bleacher Report writer and host of Smackdown Rundown, ProWrestlingPowerhouse.com’s weekly radio show reviewing Friday Night Smackdown and previewing all upcoming WWE pay-per-view events. To read more from Seth, follow him on twitter (@sethgutt) and visit http://guttwrenchpowerblog.com

WWE Attitude Era DVD

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Brand New CM Punk Merchandise at WWEShop.com!

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WWE RAW Results October 15 & Report – Ryback Thrashes Punk

October 16, 2012 By: Category: Videos, WWE | Pro Wrestling

ryback CM punkThe second to last Raw before Hell in a Cell was a long show in which we were all wondering who CM Punk would choose to face at the pay-per-view. Would it be Ryback or John Cena? All champions except CM Punk were in action so let’s get started with the breakdown.

Opening Segment – The Big Show

Surprisingly RAW starts off the Big Show coming to the ring. Show brings up the WHC debate from two weeks ago. He says it was a clever joke to make him look foolish by Sheamus and Booker T. Big Show says the fans are fools because they warn him to look out for brogue kick.  Big Show plays a clip from last Monday when he blocked the brogue kick and pushed Sheamus out of the ring. Big Show says he liked the look on Sheamus’ face – the face of someone who is way over his head. Big Show brings up the scientific challenge on Smackdown and claims that he didn’t want to embarrass Sheamus. Big Show says at HIAC he’s going to KO Sheamus and become new WHC.  Big Show says he’s been getting tweets that say “45 seconds fella.” Big Show says you are not all Irish so stop saying fella! The crowd begins to chant 45 seconds. Big Show calls out Daniel Bryan for a match. We see DB in the back with Kane, R Truth and others. DB says there is no way he is going out there. AJ enters and tells DB that Big Show has a great idea so he better get out there. DB asks Kane if he has his back, but Kane just laughs.

I really don’t understand why this segment opened Raw. It could have been done at any other time during the show. You will read later on which segment should have been first. In any case, Big Show starting Raw? The number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship should not be opening Raw when the big question going into the night has to do with who CM Punk will face at Hell in a Cell.  Ok I am done.

Match #1 – Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show

Big Show starts off the match slaps and a head butt. Kicks by DB, but Show catches him by the throat and throws him out of the ring. Commercial break. Back from break, DB is trying to fight backm but gets stuck in a bear hug. We see a spear that occurred during the break. Bryan tries to break out of the bear hug until Show throws him down. Daniel Bryan dropkicks Big Show’s legs to knock him down. DB with kicks to midsection of Big Show. DB with a kick to the head of Big Show leading to a 2 count. DB signals it’s over. DB with running drop kicks to Big Show in the corner. DB on the top rope gets caught with a chokeslam by Big Show for the pin and the win.

Winner: Big Show

Post match – Kane’s music hits and out comes the big red machine. Kane enters the ring and stops Big Show from giving the WMD. Big Show exits the ring.

WWE made the right move having Big Show win this one. Daniel Bryan is in a tag team now and didn’t need to beat Big Show.

CM Punk Chooses His Opponent

Paul Heyman is in the ring when we come back from commercial break. Heyman introduces CM Punk. Punk discusses last week. He says someone acts out of turn and disrespects him, calls out of turn and questions his integrity and he proves them wrong. He doesn’t care who it is. He doesn’t care if it’s Cena. OR The Rock. Punk also doesn’t care if its anyone of the fans. He will put you down. Punk says he is the best in the world. Last week it was Mr. McMahon’s turn. Punk says it was sad. He says it was typical Vince.  Vince was making it all about Vince.  Punk says McMahon disrespected Punk. So he slapped him in the face. Then he challenged Punk to a fight. Punk says he did a good job, but he gave him such a beating. Punk says you will never see Vince compete in the ring again and you can thank him for that. Punk says it took two superstars to save McMahon from Punk. He says Vince told him he has to choose his opponent for HIAC. Punk shows the poster for HIAC to show what people think of him.  Punk claims to be an angel. We know devils don’t exist. Punk says let’s pretend they do. There is the devil Punk doesn’t know- Ryback. Punk says Ryback physically inserted himself into a conversation he shouldn’t be a part of. Then there is the devil he does know – John Cena. Punk calls Ryback the next big thing. Punk is about to announce his opponent. Then he says since everyone is disrespecting him, he needs more time to think about it. Vince McMahon’s music hits. Out comes the chairman. McMahon says he was hoping Punk would have learned something about respect last week. McMahon says Punk just blew it and Vince is going to make the decision. McMahon announces there will be a contract signing for the match later tonight and that’s when we will learn who Punk’s opponent at HIAC will be. Vince says RESPECT THAT!

THIS should have opened Raw! I mean come on. Everyone is waiting to hear from McMahon or Punk regarding the main event for Hell in a Cell. Why wait until 8:30 to do this segment? It made no sense. Regardless, this was a good segment. I liked this set up for the end of the show. It would have been better to set it up at 8pm, but I am done talking about that. I promise. I think we are all enjoying Vince McMahon’s involvement lately, which makes me feel even more how useless AJ is. But that is for another day.

Match #2 – Brodus Clay vs. Alberto Del Rio

During introductions, it is announced that Del Rio will face Randy Orton at HIAC. Clay has control early on in the match. Del Rio fights back and aims at Clay’s arm. Clay hits a head-butt. Clay misses the splash in the corner and gets a kick in the head from Del Rio. Alberto Del Rio wins with the cross arm breaker.

A match between former NXT pro and rookie was just a way to give Del Rio some heat and Clay some TV time. Speaking of Clay, has anyone else noticed that he has gone from squasher to squashee? I enjoyed typing that.

Backstage – Heyman and Punk

Punk complains about Vince taking away his right to choose his opponent. Heyman says this is what he warned Punk about. Punk says he is going to fight Vince again tonight and sends Heyman to tell McMahon.

Match #3  – Santino Marella and Zack Ryder vs. Prime Time Players

When we come back from the break, Darren Young has control in the ring with Santino. Titus comes in and then Santino tags Ryder in. Ryder attacks Titus and hits a knee to the best and a missile dropkick from the corner. Ryder hits the broski boot for a two count. Santino comes back in the room but gets dropped by Young with knees to the gut. Ryder takes out Young, but Titus power bombs Ryder for the pin and the win.

Winners: Darren Young and Titus O’Neil

Post match – Heath Slater runs out with Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal. They throw Santino out of the ring and beat down Ryder before tossing him also. Slater renames the group 3MB.

In terms of this match, it was very boring and unnecessary. I do give credit for WWE having the match to show off the tag team division, but the match meant nothing to me. Also, when will Slater, McIntyre and Mahal finally stay with a group name? We went from Encore to the Band to 3MB.

Match #4: Dolph Ziggler/David Otunga vs. Ryback

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler enter. Ziggler complains about Ryback getting a chance when he had to work hard for his MITB. Ziggler claims he deserves a WWE title match. He wants to face Punk at HIAC and then cash in his MITB and win the WHC on the same night. David Otunga enters and claims that he deserves a title shot. AJ enters. AJ announces a 2 on 1 match between Otunga and Ziggler against Ryback. Ziggler starts the match while the crowd chants “feed me more.” Ziggler hits a dropkick but Ryback comes right back with a huge clothesline. Ziggler tags Otunga in but Ryback scoops him on his back for a big atomic drop. Ryback looks at Ziggler, which prompts him to leave ringside with Vickie. Ryback performs shellshocked on Otunga for the win.

Winner: Ryback

Another day, another Ryback squash. I almost would have preferred Ziggler vs. Otunga in a singles match. I did say almost. Regardless, Ziggler needs to stop ditching matches. He also needs to start winning matches. I am still waiting for him to turn face.

Backstage – Vince McMahon

Vince is on the phone when Heyman enters. Heyman tells Vince he did a great job last week and Punk wants a rematch. Heyman suggests that if Punk wins, he chooses his opponent at HIAC. Vince agrees, but tells Heyman the match would not be against Punk, but against Heyman. Heyman is upset and Vince tells him to get out of his dressing room. Vince says he loves being himself.

McMahon vs. Heyman never happened. That is a match though that I think we would all love to see!

Backstage – AJ and Matt Striker

Striker brings up how Kane and Daniel Bryan attacked him. Striker says he won’t do what Josh Mathews did and go to the board of directors, but he does want an apology. AJ laughs and tells Striker to ask for his apology after his match with Kane.

Match #5: U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel

Prerecorded promo – Cesaro says he doesn’t need the United States, but the United States needs Antonio Cesaro. Match starts with Cesaro in control, but Gabriel kicks Cesaro in the gut. Cesaro takes control. Cesaro throws Gabriel on the top turnbuckle and knees him in the gut.  Gabriel tries to fight back with an inverted DDT. Gabriel hits his 450 splash, but Cesaro’s foot is on the ropes to break the count. Cesaro hits a very European uppercut. Cesaro wins with the neutralizer.

Winner: Antonio Cesaro

Another unnecessary match that actually happened already on Superstars. I like WWE giving Cesaro the TV time, but when are they going to start building him into a real feud? They are just giving him jobber after jobber.

Match #6: Kane vs. Matt Striker

Striker is waiting in the ring when we come back from commercial. Striker gets on the mic tells Kane we don’t need to this. He is a broadcaster now. He would be fine with just an apology. He tells Kane to think about his therapy and all the progress he has made. What would Dr. Shelby say right now? The WWE Universe wants legit competition. Kane puts his arm out for a hug. Striker and Kane hug. Twice. Kane turns the hug into a bear hug. Kane grabs Striker by the throat and choke slams him for the pin and the win.

Winner: Kane

Post match – Kane grabs the mic and interviews Striker about the match. No response from Striker. Then Kane yells “I AM THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!” and exits.

The match was what you expected from a Matt Striker match. Kane interviewing Striker post-match was great though.

Miz TV

The Miz introduces his guest – Kofi Kingston. They show footage for Main Event when Miz accepted Kofi’s challenge for a match. Kofi asks Miz if he liked the footage that ended with trouble in paradise. Miz asks Kofi if he likes being relevant because of him. Miz tells Kofi he will carry him just like everyone else. Kofi says Miz seemed like the one who needed to be carried. Miz calls Kofi out for not being memorable or doing anything memorable. Miz tells Kofi he should be thanking him for main eventing something. Miz says Kofi will be there to smile at, while Miz will be the one they never forget. Kofi says maybe he needs to add more memorable moments to his career like this Wednesday when he beats Miz and becomes IC champion. Kofi says that will be must see. Kofi thanks Miz for the pep talk. Kofi says he might step up his game tonight against Miz. Miz says he doesn’t back down from a challenge and he is on. Miz tells Kofi he will choke because he has hit his ceiling.  Miz tells Kofi no one cares about him. All he ever will be is someone who says boom boom boom. Kofi attacks Miz. They brawl and Kofi is left standing in the ring.

Many people have not enjoyed MizTV at all. However, I am a big Miz fan. A Mizfit if you want to call me that. Either way, I thought this was the best MizTV segment to date. Miz is always great on the mic and Kofi really impressed me. I think he did great. Although I don’t necessarily see him winning the title, I do like this feud. I will get to that more later.

Match #7: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett

The match starts with a lock up, Sheamus and Wade fighting for position in the corner and break it up. Takedown by Sheamus. Sheamus working on Barretts arm but gets a number of punches from Wade. Barrett takes control of the match. Sheamus reverses and continues the attack on Barrett’s arm. More back and forth until a clothesline by Sheamus. Barrett doesn’t allow Sheamus to give his forearm shots on the aprom and takes back control. Barrett gets a two count for the first near fall of the match. Barrett with Sheamus in a headlock. Barrett ends up on the floor. Sheamus leaps out after him and takes Barrett out. Big Show’s music hits. Show enters with a chair. Commercial break. When we come back from the break, Sheamus is in control and Big Show is sitting on the chair from the top of the ramp. A lot more back and forth action.  In the end, Sheamus locks in the cloverleaf, but Big Show walks down to the ring to cause a distraction. Sheamus blocks Barrett and goes for White Noise on Barrett, but its blocked and he’s pushed to the ropes where Show pulls down the rope. Ref calls for a DQ. After the match, Sheamus hits Barrett with a brogue kick and clotheslines Big Show over the top rope.

Winner: Sheamus by DQ

Another great match by two of the best in WWE today in their rematch from last Monday. My only concerns are that they keep ending in DQ because of the Big Show and it’s not for the World Heavyweight Championship. Vince, please tell me our wish will come true and Barrett will be number one contender soon!

Backstage – Mr. McMahon and John Cena

Vince is on the phone when John Cena enters. Vince asks what’s the story on Cena’s arm injury and wants to know the doctors have said. Cena says it doesn’t matter what the doctors say. Cena says he belongs out there but the choice is up to Vince. Vince says he will take that under consideration

Match #8: Divas Championship Match – Eve vs. Layla

The girls lock up. The girls push each other until Eve gives a headlock take down. Layla breaks out but Eve brings Layla back down with an arm hold. Layla reverses Eve. Good back and forth action between the two. Eve gets the pin, but Layla’s foot is on the ropes. Ref doesn’t see it.

Winner: Eve

I thought this was the right match for these two to have. However, how many times are we going to see the old foot on the ropes and ref misses it? How many times? Seriously. Come up with something more creative. Please.

Backstage: Kane and Daniel Bryan

Kane and Bryan go back and forth about their night. Bryan tells Kane if he thinks getting chokeslammed by Big Show is so funny then next Monday Kane should face Big Show.

Backstage: Vince McMahon and Ryback

Vince says thank you for helping him last week. But he wonders if Ryback knows what people say about him. They say that he’s heartless, merciless and cold blooded. They are saying that he’s unstoppable and king on the mountain. Vince asks Ryback what he says. Ryback looks at Vince and says FEED ME PUNK!!! Vince says he will take that under consideration.

FEED ME PUNK. Enough said.

Match #9: Tag Match – Rhodes Scholars vs. Epico and Primo

Rey is sick and finals will be next week.

After Rhodes Scholars enter the ring, we go to commercial. When we come back, we see 3MB at a local bar named Honkey Tonk Central. 3MB tries to get the crowd on their side, but security stops them and forces them out. Very boring match between the two tag teams. In the end, Sandow hits the neckbraker on Epico for the pin and win.

Winners: Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes

As I said, this was a very boring match. One I paid very little attention too. It was obvious Rhodes Scholars would win. By the way, are Epico and Primo faces? They don’t do much anymore. Also, I will be attending Raw next week so for that reason I had no problem with the finals being pushed to next week.

Match #10: Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

Unnecessary match but the usual back and forth match. Towards the end, Miz has control and clotheslines Kofi into the corner. Miz gets on the top rope and crashes down followed by a two count. In the end, Kofi connects with a very hard and big Trouble in Paradise for the pin and the win. After the match, a trainer attends to Miz.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

As I said, another unnecessary match. Their segment earlier was so good that it would have been enough. We are going to see this match on Wednesday so the only reason I see for having the match is giving Kofi some momentum going into Wednesday. For that reason I am okay with it. As a side note, it looked as if Kofi’s trouble in paradise move at the end at least semi seriously hurt Miz as a trainer had to assist him.

Ending Segment – Hell in a Cell WWE Championship Match Contract Signing

Mr. McMahon comes out and first introduces CM Punk. Vince then introduces and welcomes Ryback out to the ring. John Cena is introduced last. Vince tells Punk he has been thinking about it all night. Vince has been thinking about his decision all week because Punk wouldn’t have the grapefruits. Punk cuts off Vince and tells him he’s already sick of hearing him. Punk complains that Vince took away his right to choose his opponent. Punk signs the contract and tells Vince he knows Vince will just do whatever he wants anyway. Vince tells Punk we wouldn’t be standing there if he had just accepted Cena’s challenge weeks ago. Cena cuts off Punk. Cena says he respects Punk’s achievement of holding the title for 330 days, but tells him he needs to shut the hell up! Vince says let’s get this over with. Vince is about to announce the opponent until Cena cuts him off. Cena says he wants to go to Hell in a Cell and then he thinks about Ryback who doesn’t care about the WWE championship he just wants to beat people up. Cena says it’s an easy decision that can be summed up in 3 words: FEED ME MORE. Ryback signs the contract! Vince makes it official. Punk vs Ryback. Ryback stares down Punk. Ryback slams Punks face into the table. Ryback picks up Punk marches around and shellshocks Punk. Chants of FEED ME MORE end the show.

I really enjoyed this last segment. I was thinking it was going to end up being a triple threat. There was a lot of cutting people off during the segment, but it worked well. I liked that Cena basically gave the match to Ryback. Cena will probably take the pay-per-view off.

Overall, the show felt a lot longer than usual. It really felt like three hours. You can tell I didn’t go in as much detail with the matches as the show went on. Some segments and matches could have been left off and made it a better show. Both tag team matches and the Kofi/Miz match were unnecessary. Also the Del Rio/Brodus Clay match. Once again we have little build up to Hell in a Cell other than the two world title matches. However, we did learn that Del Rio and Randy Orton will face each other at Hell in a Cell. Hopefully, more matches will be announced before the next Sunday. I am most excited to see where they take Ryback here. I will be attending Raw next week so you won’t hear from me next week, but follow me on twitter for all the on goings during the commercials and show!

Seth Guttenplan is a teacher by day, writer by night. In addition to being the Monday Night Raw reviewer for CamelClutchBlog.com, Seth is a Bleacher Report writer and host of Smackdown Rundown, ProWrestlingPowerhouse.com’s weekly radio show reviewing Friday Night Smackdown and previewing all upcoming WWE pay-per-view events. To read more from Seth, follow him on twitter (@sethgutt) and visit http://guttwrenchpowerblog.com

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WWE RAW Results October 8 & Report – CM Punk Vs. Vince McMahon

October 09, 2012 By: Category: Videos, WWE | Pro Wrestling

Punk Vince McMahonThis week’s Raw was hyped with the returns of both John Cena and Mr. McMahon, while continuing to try to build towards Hell in a Cell just three weeks away. We saw Mr. McMahon come to give the State of WWE Address, the semifinals of the tag team tournament, Larry King and more. Let’s break down each segment of the night.

Opening Segment:

John Cena opens Raw to a big mix of cheers and jeers. Cena says he feels good to be back. He acts as though he hasn’t been on Raw in months by discussing the tag team champions, Antonio Cesaro’s nipples, the divas out of control and tells AJ he wants to take her out on a date. Sorry Cena, but you only missed one week and most of the those things were already happening. Cena claims he doesn’t have a voice and neither does the audience because it was voice stolen by CM Punk. Cena ends by saying he will go to Hell in a Cell and tells Punk to fight him at HIAC.

This was not a very interesting opening segment. It did not set anything up for later in the night or even for Hell in a Cell. The way I see it, WWE just wanted John Cena to start the show to get people to watch. I hope it worked.

Ryback vs. Primo and Epico

After a singles match with either Primo or Epico previously (does it really matter which one?), Ryback gets both in a handicap match. Pretty typical squash match for Ryback here. I know they are building him towards an eventual top spot in WWE, but do we really have to see more squash matches? Also, I am pretty sure JBL, who was on commentary with Cole and J.R., called Primo and Epico former Puerto Rican Champions.

Winner: Ryback

Brodus Clay vs R Truth

This match never took place. After Brodus Clay’s entrance, R-Truth explained that Little Jimmy is going through puberty (is that PG?) and he wants to dance. Clay, Funkadactyls, R-Truth and even Little Jimmy dances until Mr. McMahon interrupts. McMahon announces that after the commercial break he will give his State of the WWE Address.

Vince McMahon – State of the WWE Address

Mr. McMahon begins his State of the WWE Address by explaining that we have all kinds of things in WWE. In WWE, we have dancers, imaginary kids, goat faced vegans, leprechauns, big red monsters, luchadors and giants. WWE has comedy, drama, everything in between, but most importantly action. McMahon says WWE has the greatest athletes and the audience wants to see the best against the best. This obviously is a cue for a CM Punk interruption. We get the normal disrespect speech from Punk. Punk says McMahon wants to talk about the best, but doesn’t mention Punk. Punk asks McMahon if he respects Punk, with which McMahon replies, “I am not a CM Punk guy.” Punk tells McMahon he should be a CM Punk guy and everyone should be appreciating him because if they don’t, he will quit and leave. Punk says if the WWE is not about him, then who is it about? McMahon replies that it’s about the WWE Universe and that the WWE Universe is saying somebody needs to shut Punk’s mouth. McMahon tells Punk that he is nowhere near the likes of Andre the Giant, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart or Stone Cold Steve Austin. Punk tells McMahon that Stone Cold achieved success by beating up a clueless millionaire (That being McMahon). Punk tells McMahon that he has been slapping Punk in the face for years and then Punk slaps and knocks down McMahon. As Punk is leaving, McMahon gets up and says he wants to fire Punk, but instead he will fight him tonight on Raw!

Tag Team Tournament Match – Prime Time Players vs Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara

Good match between PTPs and Rey Cara. I still don’t like the Prime Time Players without a manager though. In the end, Rey Mysterio hits the 619 and the splash for the win. The finals of the tag team tournament will be next Monday on Raw.

Winners: Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara

Backstage – Punk and Heyman talking

We see Punk and Heyman talking. Paul Heyman calls the Punk-McMahon match a lose-lose situation. Heyman says after Punk beats him, McMahon will make their lives miserable.

Sheamus vs Wade Barrett

I was very excited to see this match. Wade Barrett has been discussed as an eventual opponent for Sheamus and the World Heavyweight Championship. Big Show enters after a minute into the match and sits near commentary to watch the match. Great match from both competitors as these are two of the best WWE has today. In the end, Tensai enters and attacks Sheamus, which leads to an assault by both Barrett and Tensai. Sheamus brogue kicks Tensai and throws Barrett out of the ring. Big Show enters the ring, Sheamus misses a brogue kick and Big Show knocks Sheamus out of the ring and exits.

Winner: Sheamus via DQ

I am not sure why Tensai joined Barrett in this assault. Didn’t Tensai face Big Show recently? Maybe because Sheamus interferd and hit Tensai with the brogue kick. That must be it. Still, I am looking forward to Barrett and Sheamus have more matches in the future. For the World Heavyweight Championship. It will probably happen.

Backstage – Punk and AJ

Backstage we see AJ in her locker room with CM Punk joining her. Punk asks AJ if she’s worried about Punk beating up an old man on her show. AJ says Punk is afraid to face Cena and wonders if he’s afraid to fight McMahon too. Punk says he was just trying to help AJ save her job, but now whatever happens will be her fault. Punk exits.

Tyson Kidd vs. Antonio Cesaro

Earlier today segment – Cesaro is at a fast food restaurant where he makes fun of chili cheese fries and the rise of obesity. A solid match by Kidd and Cesaro. It is nice to see Kidd getting some TV time. It seems like this spot to face the Cesaros, Barretts etc… goes to Kidd, Ryder or Santino. Cesaro hits his big upper cut, followed by the neutralizer for the win.

The only question I have is – who is Cesaro feuding with? Who is next in line for a shot at the U.S. title? This could have been a good opportunity to build towards a Hell in a Cell match.

Winner: Antonio Cesaro

Team Hell No vs Ziggler/Del Rio

Vickie enters first to introduce Dolph Ziggler. The normal back and forth from Team Hell No before the match starts. Bryan even stops Kane from doing his pyro. Another great match from four great workers. In the end, Kane tags himself in and chokeslams Ziggler for the win.

Winner: Team Hell No

I would have preferred to see Del Rio take the pin here. He has less to lose as WWE has been making him look weak for a while. Overall, I like that they are putting Team Hell No in tag matches with interesting pairs as they await their number one contenders. We will find that out next week so hopefully Team Hell No will start building towards their match at Hell in a Cell.

Backstage – Vince McMahon and Jim Ross

In the back, J.R. is talking with Mr. McMahon. Ross brings up how nice McMahon was at the J.R. appreciation night. Ross says as a friend nothing good can come from his matchwith Punk. J.R. reminds McMahon what happened to Lawler when he fought Punk. McMahon tells J.R. that he wants him to call his match tonight. McMahon has Ross do some play-by-play right then and there. J.R. tells McMahon that he is making a mistake.

It’s nice to see these two getting along. I can’t recall the last time they were on the same page on WWE TV.

Larry King interviews the Miz

Larry King and his new wife are out to promote Larry King Now. He is interrupted by his guest – the Miz. Miz says it’s his birthday and the whole crowd should sing happy birthday to him. King says no one cares it’s the Miz’s birthday. King tells Miz he loves WWE because he can do whatever he wants – including change his guest. King introduces Kofi Kingston as his new guest. King asks Kofi about how his day was, chit chat etc…Miz interrupts the conversation with a serious of “REALLY?”s. Miz claims he is surrounded by hasbeens.  Great quote by Miz when he says, “I’ve had more championships than you’ve had wives and you’ve had main events!” King’s wife throws water in Miz’s face, but before Miz can attack them, Kofi jumps him. Kofi jumps off the stage onto Miz and they brawl to the back. King and his wife say goodbye to the fans and leave.

For those of you who haven’t seen, WWE.com has an exclusive video with Kofi and R-Truth agreeing to split up and focus on their singles careers. This move makes a lot of sense. I had a feeling that WWE did not want either R-Truth or Kofi to turn heel so this was a good way to have them split up as a tag team without one turning heel. I also love Kofi getting back to singles competition and a championship feud. Perhaps Kofi will be the transitional IC champion in the future to allow a different heel to eventually be Intercontinental Champion.

Tag Team Tournament Match – Santino Marella and Zack Ryder vs Rhodes Scholars

Cole and crew announce that Santino and Zack Ryder are collectively known as CoBro. Glad we got that out of the way. A precorded promo by Rhodes Scholars is shown, in which Sandow says he and Rhodes have a combined IQ approaching infinity. This was a fairly quick match. In the end, Rhodes blocks the Cobra and hits a Disaster Kick for the win. It will be Rhodes Scholars vs. Rey and Sin Cara next week.

Post-match – the Encore comes out and attacks Santino and Ryder.

The match was nothing special as I knew Rhodes Scholars would win. I predict that Rhodes Scholars win or we see a triple threat at Hell in a Cell. In terms of the post-match, I am still not a fan of the Encore because Mahal and McIntyre do not come across as band people. You can’t just have Heath Slater share his gimmick with other guys. It needs to be more natural.

Backstage – Heyman and McMahon

In the back we see Paul Heyman talking with Mr. McMahon. Heyman tries to apologize for Punks’ actions. Heyman asks McMahon to let him broker the peace.

McMahon calls Heyman out on not knowing when he is lying or telling the truth. McMahon says Heyman has been poisoning Punk’s mind for years. Heyman says he’s here for McMahon’s sake, not Punk’s sake. Heyman tells McMahon not let Punk do what Lesnar did to his son in law, Triple H. Heyman leaves.

Eve vs. Kaitlyn

Prior to the match, Layla joins commentary. Kailtyn starts out aggressive even putting Eve in a torture rack. Eve breaks out of the torture rack and attacks Kaitlyn’s wrapped, still injured ankle. Eve makes Kaitlyn tap out with a version of the ankle lock. Layla gets in the ring in order to make Eve let go of the hold. Eve appears trying to help Kaitlyn until Layla pushes Eve away. Eve exits with her Divas Championship.

I can’t recall the last time we saw a Divas Championship match on Raw. In any case, this is a step in the right direction as the storyline is moving forward. We should see Eve vs. Layla at HIAC and end this storyline. I do like Eve as champ though.

Backstage – Del Rio and Ricardo

In the back Josh Mathews interrupts Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez. He tells them that Orton sent out a tweet that Orton will be at Smackdown. Del Rio doesn’t like the sound of it and walks off.

Backstage – Larry King and Daniel Bryan

In the back, Larry King and his wife are walking and approached by Daniel Bryan. Bryan is looking for advice on how to deal with people calling him a goat face. Bryan asks Larry how he dealt with being called an owl by David Letterman. Bryan hits on King’s wife, but she tells him she doesn’t date trolls who live under bridges. King tells Bryan to just accept the nickname. Kane joins the group as Team Hell No bicker and argue.

Backstage – CM Punk and Paul Heyman

CM Punk is getting ready for his match against Mr. McMahon, while Heyman is still trying to talk him out of the match. Heyman suggests Punk give McMahon such a beating that he can’t make another decision for the rest of his life. Punk says he’s going to victimize McMahon and enjoy every second of it.

CM Punk vs. Mr. McMahon

Mr. McMahon is out first for the match. Punk attacks McMahon during his entrance. Punk beats McMahon down and then throws him into the ring. McMahon spears Punk when they are both in the ring. The match never officially starts. Punk and McMahon go back and forth attacking each other. Punk throws McMahon out of the ring and slams Vince’s head into the announcers table. Punk puts on the headset, yells something at McMahon and slams his face into the table again. Punk puts Vince onto his shoulders, but Vince gets out of it and pushes Punk in the ring post. Vince’s face is all messed up. McMahon throws Punk over the top of the announcers’ table. McMahon gets a mic and tells Punk he is going to teach Punk about respect. McMahon jumps over the table and beats Punk repeatedly with the microphone. McMahon brings Punk back into the ring.

McMahon brings a kendo stick into the ring. Punk crawls out of the ring. McMahon wants Punk back in the ring, but Punk tells Heyman to bring him his belt so they can get out of there. McMahon gets out of the ring to stop Heyman and grabs the belt. McMahon knocks down Heyman and gets back into the ring. McMahon drops the belt, holding a kendo stick and inviting Punk back into the ring. After Punk attempts to get back in the ring without McMahon attacking him, Punk gets his own kendo stick. Punk and McMahon both have kendo sticks, but Punk ends up on his knees begging McMahon. As McMahon comes towards him, Punk delivers a low blow to McMahon.

Punk starts a beat down on McMahon with two kendo sticks. He sets McMahon up for the GTS, but Ryback’s music hits and he comes out. Punk tries to leave, but John Cena comes out and throws Punk back in the ring. Ryback delivers a clothesline as the audience goes crazy. Ryback attempts shellshock to Punk, but Punk slides out and escapes. Punk grabs the WWE title and runs through the crowd with it. McMahon gets on the mic and tells Punk he has a decision to make. McMahon tells Punk at Hell in a Cell, Punk has to face either Ryback or John Cena. Punk has until next Monday to decide or McMahon will decide for him. End of show.

Fantastic ending to the show. The rumors have told us that Cena may or may not be ready for Hell in a Cell and that Ryback is his back up. This was a great way for WWE to give themselves another week to make the decision. McMahon, even at his age, was phenomenal in his match and post-match. Interestingly enough, it seems as though Punk may have attacked a fan when he was in the crowd. Whether or not this was a work it still to be determined. If it was not a work, then WWE and CM Punk are going to be in major trouble.

Overall, a great show to follow last week’s disaster. I guess John Cena’s appearance helped, but I think McMahon’s participation in this episode was the key. The match ended with a cliffhanger, which I think is always the best way to end a show. It will be interesting to see the fallout of the Punk-McMahon-Ryback-Cena situation and the Punk attacking a fan situation.

Until then…

Seth Guttenplan is a teacher by day, writer by night. In addition to being the Monday Night Raw reviewer for CamelClutchBlog.com, Seth is a Bleacher Report writer and host of Smackdown Rundown, ProWrestlingPowerhouse.com’s weekly radio show reviewing Friday Night Smackdown and previewing all upcoming WWE pay-per-view events. To read more from Seth, follow him on twitter (@sethgutt) and visit http://guttwrenchpowerblog.com

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WWE: Superstar Collection – Daniel Bryan DVD

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WWE Monday Night RAW September 24 Results & Live Blog – Jerry Lawler To Appear

September 24, 2012 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

Jerry Lawler-I’m not sure how much more of this I’m willing to put up with. I get that WWE is more image-conscious than ever, and they’ll take any opportunity to pat themselves on the back, especially with the election coming up. But after last week, when they took every opportunity to promote Jerry Lawler’s recuperative powers (while filming an awkward handshake with his doctor that Vince McMahon was allegedly insistent on recording)….I don’t know, it just reeks of “we all love each other, everything is okay, we’re number one.” A mention here and there once or twice updating fans on Lawler’s improving health would have been fine, not milking the crowd for cheers by showing him getting off a plane, or heavily promoting an interview with him for the following week.

They exploit him, but do we still love them? Sounds like a song I hear on Raw each week.

-Live from Albany, where “steamed hams” is a popular expression.

Opening Segment: Punk and Heyman in the ring

Punk’s turned into the Heath Slater/Tyler Reks of main eventers, not getting an entrance. It’s apparently a sit-in protest over the ending of last week’s Raw. In other news, somebody remembered what happened on Raw last week. They want the referee, some FCW kid named Brad Maddox, to resign. He’s awful photogenic for a referee. He refuses to resign, and Punk wants to know how he got his job. I’m sure Kevin Dunn was involved, Punker. Of course, this is all a satire to mock the NFL for their replacement officials, so it’s good to see that WWE still isn’t above needling more profitable and higher rated enterprises. Punk insults AJ over the hire, so we get the Skipper herself. Heyman asks her to overturn the decision, and she refuses, because it was a heel that got screwed, you see. And hey, WWE got what they wanted: a crowd to boo Punk lustily. Punk plays the footage of AJ’s bizarre proposal over the summer, and then rubs it in by revealing what a sex-crazed freak she was. Then a segment of the audience chants for Punk while AJ recoils. Heyman then tops the douchiness by proposing to AJ himself. “I’ll come with all the ideas, and you can take all the credit for my brilliance!” So she’s Stephanie? AJ slaps him and storms off.

Segment Rating: 6/10. Kinda dragged until Punk and Heyman out-douched one another. Then I chuckled.

-Then I get pissed as they plug the Lawler interview by showing an image of an unconscious Lawler with an oxygen mask. Screw this company.

-AJ threatens to fire Brad Maddox if he screws up again, while she zones out manically.

-Vickie is unable to talk through my mute button. Glad to see it still works.

Match 1: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

I need a good 20 minute match out of these two to cleanse my soul after that Lawler garbage. Vickie gets into an argument with Little Jimmy, so Truth douses her with a drink. Yep. Truth and Vickie get tossed, so there’s hope for a good match yet. Ziggler goes to the floor early and Kofi lands a flipping senton as we go to commercial. We return with Ziggler in control, where he hits an exploder suplex for 2. Kofi tries to come back, but Ziggler gets a picture perfect dropkick for 2. Kofi manages to mount the comeback, hitting the Boom Drop. TIP misses, Kofi avoids another exploder, and Dolph pushes off the SOS. Kofi nails a high kick in the corner, and lands a diving fist for 2. An elevated cross body gets another 2 count. Ziggler gets 2 off of something I completely missed while typing. Damn it, guys, call the moves! Kofi lands the SOS for a very close 2 and the fans are totally buying into this. A series of counters leads to Kingston landing the spinning cross body for another near fall. Trouble misses again, and Kofi is sent hard into the corner. Zig Zag finishes right after.

WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via Zig Zag

Rating: 8/10. Damn it, I wish that commercial was omitted. ***1/2 TV match that would have been a fine Saturday Night’s Main Event opener.

-Cena will update us on his injury! What, no image of him on a stretcher?

Kane and Bryan continue to assist WWE in beating one of their funnier ideas in a while into the ground. I miss the serious “I’ll kill you with science” D-Bry. Dr. Shelby leads Bryan and Kane through a roleplaying segment in which Kane is a waiter. Kane plays “Gerald”, and he gets angry, describing killing the cook because he was annoying and had a goat beard.

Match 2: Prime Time Players vs. Italian Iced Z
Ryder throats himself on a cross body attempt, and D-Young pounces with a chinlock. Santino tags in to turn the tide, getting the saluting headbutt for 2. 4 man skirmish leads to Ryder eating the post, but the Cobra comes out. O’Neil becomes the legal man without Santino realizing, and Clash of the Titus finishes.
WINNERS: Prime Time Players via Clash of the Titus
Rating: 2/10. Just a quickie to remind us that, yes, the PTP will still get a push.

Cheap Plug: my look at the NFC East, week 3. Pointing out Andy Reid’s follies will become commonplace, I’m sure. http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/content/nfc-east-giants-and-cowboys-surge-eagles-and-redskins-purged/17488/

In Ring Segment: Mick Foley
Always glad to see Mick, even if he’s not used as anything more than comic fodder these days. Ahh, but wait, Foley’s here to rail on Punk for bullying officials, employing Heyman, etc. This brings Punk out, so here’s hoping for an intelligent repartee. Punk bumps Foley intentionally on the way to get a mic, and then lambasts Foley for not talking to him to his face. Foley points out that he congratulated Punk after his big title win in July 2011, and Punk thanked him, because it meant a lot coming from Mick. Punk brushes it off, and Foley thinks Heyman changed Punk. He goes a step further, and claims that Heyman’s just using Punk. “Why does Punk need a mouthpiece?” Man has a point. Foley gives the moment of truth statement by asking Punk if he wants to be an inspiration or a Kool-Aid drinker. Talk turns to Hell in a Cell, and the dangers of the match. Foley wants Punk to face Cena in HIAC to prove that he’s the best in the world. Punk points out he’s already the best because he walked out of Night of Champions as champion. Punk declares Foley “beneath him.” Punk declares himself great by listing off the days he’s been champion, and Foley points out it doesn’t matter. Does Punk want to be a statistic, or a legend? The choice is Punk’s if he wants to give Cena that shot as Foley finishes with a flurry.
Segment Rating: 8/10. Stronger as it went along, and it builds sympathy for Punk if he accepts, and beats, Cena. I won’t bet on it.

Match 3: The Miz vs. Ryback (non title match)
Ryback takes control after shaking off some Miz strikes, and Miz gets bealed across the ring. Ryback powers out of the back/neckbreaker with an impressive powerslam. Miz rolls to the floor like any good heel, and Miz tricks him into slamming into the rail. Things go back and forth inside with Miz hitting the Stump DDT for 2. Front powerbomb brings Ryback back into it. A dumb fan charges into the ring as Ryback hits the Meat Hook. Shell Shock finishes.
WINNER: Ryback via Shell Shock
Rating: 4/10. Nifty extended squash where Miz got his shots in.

-Bryan and Kane have a heart to heart over dinner. They bond over mauling random people with chairs. Then they practically orgasm in a redux of When Harry Met Sally, with Mae Young playing the old lady. Meh, it was better when Angle and Hemme did it.

-AJ chats with the refs. “WWE doesn’t have instant replay and never will.” WWE: We invite incompetence. She then books a six man: Sheamus, Mysterio, and Sin Cara vs. Del Rio, Ricardo, and Otunga. Wow, half lucha legends, half developmental guys.

Match 4: Wade Barrett vs. Tyson Kidd
So glad they warped Barrett’s theme with a darker bass line. Kidd kicks away and takes Barrett down with a basement dropkick for 2. Barrett comes back with strikes and a big clothesline. A running kick knocks Kidd off the middle rope to the floor. Kidd comes back with a reverse cradle for 2, but Barrett rebounds with a spinning Winds of Change. Souvenir (short-arm into elbow stab) finishes.
WINNER: Wade Barrett via Souvenir
Rating: 4/10. Fun while it lasted. Barrett facing a ton of talented midcarders is a good way to fill time.

-Lawler interview. With all due respect, I’m glad he’s okay, but the constant shilling, bragging, and exploitation have actually made me angry. Glad he’s okay, like I said, and I hope he continues to get better, but you can thank WWE for killing what should be a positive, feel-good moment.

Match 5: Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Worst Babyface Ever vs. Alberto Del Rio/David Otunga/Ricardo Rodriguez
After two commercials, WBE nails Otunga with a shoulderblock off the apron, and the luchas get high (but not Evan Bourne high). Rodriguez, in tux, tags in and takes a beating from Sin Cara. Kudos to JR for referencing all the “Mexican wrestling history” in the ring. Ricardo goes for Cara’s mask, but eats a headscissors for his efforts. Mysterio and ADR are in, and Rey is enzuigiried off the top for 2. Otunga in, and he slams Mysterio before tagging Ricardo, who covers the downed Rey for 2. Del Rio gets another enzuigiri on Rey, as I could watch these 2 all day. Mysterio ends a Del Rio run with a basement dropkick to the face. Tags are made to Otunga and WBE, and Otunga is predictably mauled. Ricardo in, and he takes the comedy beating, with Sin Cara finishing with the senton. Otunga is Brogued after, just because.
WINNERS: WBE, Rey Mysterio, and Sin Cara via Senton
Rating: 6/10. Anything with Rey and Del Rio was good stuff. Give Del Rio a better partner (i.e. Dolph or Cody) against Rey/Cara, and I’m in.

-Kane and Bryan try each other’s meals to see how the other lives life. Kane eats lettuce, and Bryan has a meatball, against his vegan beliefs. Kane belches, and Bryan loses his lunch on the doctor. I think the wheels are coming off these segments.

-Kane and D-Bry’s new team name: Team Hell No. Good. Then the Rhodes Scholars (Rhodes and Sandow) jump them, because it’s awesome.

Match 5: Layla/Alicia Fox vs. Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix
Layla lands her springing cross body on Beth, and Alicia gets all dropkicky. Eve finishes things in short order with a neckbreaker on Alicia.
WINNERS: Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix via Neckbreaker
Rating: 1/10. It’s a match.

-Kaitlyn’s out on a crutch, but the crowd has no clue who she is. Apparently, her attacker at Night of Champions was a blonde. Eve in a wig, got it. Eve beats up the TNA-bound Beth as a ‘solid’ for Kaitlyn.

Match 6: Brodus Clay vs. Tensai
Whoever’s idea it was to show pictures of Lawler near death tonight, I hope Cameron’s driving them home. No Sakamoto, it should be noted. Clay wins the headbutt battle and gets the modified exploder, but Funk It misss. Tensai misses the running senton. Then Big Show’s music hits. Be still Vince’s throbbing jackhammer. Tensai gets WMDed, as is Clay. And that’s that.
WINNER: Tensai, hypothetically, via DQ
Rating: 2/10. Kinda fun while it lasted, actually.

Talk Segment: John Cena
Cena tries to play it like his elbow injury could be career ending, just to scare the rubes. He thanks the fans for supporting the Susan G Komen Foundation, and a lot of fans boo him anyway. That’s kinda funny, actually. Cena then goes on an inane, substitute-worded “tirade” on Punk, and guarantees nothing more than he’ll be at Hell in a Cell, but won’t guarantee victory, given his elbow. This brings Punk out, with Heyman in tow. Punk subtly calls Albany a dump while correctly pointing out Cena’s incorrect rants against him. His reign won’t be ending at Cena’s hands, he sayeth. Punk won’t accept Cena’s challenge, and the fans actually chant his name, albeit lightly. Punk advises Cena to run while he still can, because if he doesn’t leave on the count of five, Punk’s gonna hurt em. Punk turns and counts, and Cena’s armed with a lead pipe. He hits Punk in the ribs, because he’s a coward.
Segment Rating: 4/10. I’m still cheering Punk. I don’t care.

-Punk staggers away, encountering Foley backstage. After a beat, he attacks Mick, leaving him laying with one shot. Then, for some reason, Ryback scares Punk off. And yeah.

OVERALL: A few good matches (Dolph-Kofi, six man tag) and the Foley segment made it worthwhile, but a fairly middling episode of Raw otherwise.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for Wrestlechat.net and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

WWE: Night of Champions 2012 DVD

WWE: CM Punk Best in the World DVD

WWE: Superstar Collection – Daniel Bryan DVD

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WWE Monday Night RAW September 17 Results & Live Blog – Night Of Champions Fallout

September 17, 2012 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

cena heymanSo for the first time since TLC 2010, I skipped a WWE PPV entirely. I foresee this being a regular development until the Royal Rumble, since I’m pretty well immersed in the football season. Given a choice between the Lions-49ers game and a Punk/Cena match where my favorite wrestler is having his character altered in spite of a committed fanbase, I chose a Schwartz-Harbaugh handshake over a potentially great match (which I heard Punk/Cena was). That’s the thing about football: you can predict winners, but you can’t predict circumstances and action. WWE on the other hand….

-On a less aggravated note, here’s to a continued recovery for Jerry Lawler after last week’s scare. Although The King’s health is certainly more important than the comfort of myself and the rest of the TV audience, I sincerely I hope we never have to see anything like that ever again. Surreality and fear of that magnitude are quite the blood-churner.

-Live from Bridgeport, CT, where “Gostkowski” is now a swear-word.

Opening Segment: Paul Heyman
More cheers than boos when Punk’s music kicks up. That WWE, they sure know their pulse of their “Universe.” Heyman calls out referee Chad Patton. I think Heyman’s sticking up for the working man by actually referring to the referees by name. THAT’S A NO-NO SAYS VINCE. Heyman lauds Patton for declaring it a double-pin, which was the right call. They even show camera-phone footage taken by a fan, which seems to encourage piracy. But yes, for the 303rd day, Punk is YOUR WWE Champion. Cena makes his way out, with attire that’ll make fans root for breast cancer. Only Cena has that capability. Cena admits the right call was made, but wanted the match to continue. Cena dares to ask if Punk deserves respect after retaining the title in a tie. Crowd chants yes, which Cena ignores and twists. Cena asks for a rematch tonight, but before any kind of answer can be given by Punk, Alberto Del Rio makes his way out. He makes a case for a rematch with Sheamus, and out comes AJ Lee in a skirt, which wins my approval. She makes a “super main event” with CM Punk and Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena and Sheamus.
Segment Rating: 4/10. Paint by numbers opening.

Cheap plug: my NFC East review for week 2. Cowboy and Redskin haters will enjoy! http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/content/michael-vick-eli-manning-both-strong-comeback-victories/17158/

-Michael Cole is shown sitting ringside in a Lawler shirt, and he shows the only Tout I’ve ever cared to see of Lawler thanking the fans 3 days after the heart attack. JBL makes his way out to join the booth, as well as Jim Ross (to a thunderous ovation). Ross is keeping the BBQ-saving goatee, I see.

Match 1: Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. Colon Blow
Kinda wish these guys had ten minutes to go crazy. Cara gets a springboard arm drag, and the Mexicans land some nifty double teams on Primo for a pair of two counts as we head to commercial. We return to the heels (I think?) cutting the ring in half on Cara. Cara is prevented from tagging, but he comes back with a tornado DDT on Primo. Tags are made to Rey and Epico, and Rey almost gets three on a series of kicks, finishing with one to the head. Rey lands a 619 on the cousins, and Cara lands a senton bomb on Epico to win.
WINNERS: The LWO via senton bomb
Rating: 4/10. Commercial hurt the flow, but it was fun for the short amount we got to see.

-The Prime Time Players jump the LWO afterward. A TAG TEAM FEUD?!?! Oh glorious day!

-Preview of MizTV. I’ll bet it’s EDGY.

Match 2: Beth Phoenix vs. Eve Torres (non title)
When (forgotten) WrestleMania partners collide. Six people chanting ‘Hoeski’ are the creative team’s mortal enemies. Eve avoids the Glam Slam, and reverses a snake eyes to roll Beth up and pin her. Layla, on commentary, is a hoot talking about Eve’s manipulation after spending 2 years as a snotty bitch next to Michelle McCool.
WINNER: Eve Torres via roll-up
Rating: 2/10. Slow and disjointed, but it gets a point for Layla wearing daisy dukes.

Match 3: Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater
I see somebody gave Cameron a ride tonight. Antonio Cesaro’s at ringside to provide insight. Slater gets more offense than he’s used to getting, as Cesaro declares Clay an embarrassment in five different languages. Cesaro provides a temporary distraction, but Slater can’t finish. He flies off into a Clay headbutt, and gets splashed and pinned.
WINNER: Brodus Clay via Funk It
Rating: 2/10. Heatless squash. Crowd’s fading already, so I’ve got a bad feeling.

Talk Segment: MizTV
So it’s Cutting Edge, but with Miz. It lacks a window for Primo to chuck Epico through one day. Booker T makes his way out, which makes me sad that Stevie Ray can’t have an interview segment called “Sucks Gosta Know” Miz tries to instigate answers out of Booker in regards to his banning of The Brogue Kick, because Booker misses the spotlight. I miss Booker on commentary, frankly. Why can’t Raw be Gus Johnson, Booker T, and Stevie Ray in the booth? Crowd is so enthralled that they chant “BORING.” Ryback comes out to liven things up. Ryback destroys the set as Miz leaves in fear.
Segment Rating: 2/10. The crowd needs 5 Hour Energy. Or coffee. To hell with that cowboy.

-Punk chats with Paul Heyman, and he’s not happy about his tag team match tonight. Well, me either, actually.

Match 4: Santino Marella vs. Dolph Ziggler
I hope Vickie’s not saying anything of substance, since I muted the TV. Marella’s goofy power walk gets booed by the less-than-enthused audience, and Ziggler nails him with a forearm to end the goofiness. Crowd chants for Dolph, because Vince knows his audience. Ziggler berates the Cobra, which certainly doesn’t draw boos. They botch a clothesline for 2, and Santino’s comeback gets a mixed reaction. Santino can’t find the Cobra, so Dolph hits the Zig Zag, followed by another and wins.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via Zig Zag
Rating: 3/10. This crowd has become the best part of the show.

Match 5: Wade Barrett vs. Justin Gabriel
Barrett must be dining in hell with that beard. Song is WAY better than that crowd he had at the Rumble. Gabriel gets a rana for 2, and a rollup for 2. Barrett brutalizes him to establish his underground fighter persona, which sadly doesn’t electrify this dead crowd. Barrett slugs him down and applies a seated abdominal stretch. Crowd chants that they want something, but I can’t make it out. Gabriel avoids a pumphandle and hits a reverse DDT, and hits a top rope lionsault for 2. Barrett creams Gabriel with a short-arm forearm strike, which looks nice and gets the win.
WINNER: Wade Barrett via Barrett Barrage (?)
Rating: 4/10. Liked the match, but the crowd did it no favors.

-R-Truth and Little Jimmy shill Subway with the help of Jared Fogle. The only redeeming quality is Truth wearing a party hat over his doo-rag. Damien Sandow suggests his own unique sandwich, but is satisfied with a meatball marinara. Zack Ryder shows up….oh, screw this. It’s a friggin commercial.

-Sheamus and Cena talk shop, and Cena NEEDS to win to get a rematch. Maybe this will lead to Cena heel tur—bwahahahahaha! I make myself laugh.

Match 6: Team Friendship vs. Ghana Get Got (WWE Tag Team Championship)
Kane and Bryan have finally woken the crowd up. Kingston gets the better of Bryan early before tagging Truth. Bryan twists Truth’s arm and fakes a tag to Kane before yelling NO!!!! Kofi tags in and lands a crossbody on Bryan for 2. Kane tags in and mauls Kofi in the corner as the crowd dies off again. Kofi lowbridges Kane to the floor, and then backdrops Bryan on top of him. The champions argue as we hit the break. We return with Kane bear-hugging R-Truth. Truth escapes, hits a missle dropkick, and Kofi’s tagged in. Kofi gets the teabag punches in the corner, and a pendulum kick. Crossbody takes Kane down for 2. Kofi drops the Boom, and signals for Trouble, but flies into a goozle. Kofi avoids the chokeslam, and leaps off the top into a throat thrust. Bryan tags himself in and an argument ensues. Truth jumps in, and detects Bryan’s lie with the forearm. Hat Rack Crack lands for 2. Kofi and Truth cut the ring in half as we hit the 10 o’clock hour. Kofi lands a dropkick for 2. Bryan gets dominated for a bit as Truth hooks the chinlock, and JBL goes on a humorous tangent about how Cole states the obvious. Ahh, those human moments. Truth misses a corner charge, and Bryan hot(?) tags Kane. Diving clothesline lays out Truth, as does a dropkick for 2. Side suplex lays out Truth, and Kane and Bryan have a skirmish. Truth lands the Moment of Truth on Kane for 2, broken up by Bryan. Kane chokeslams Truth, Bryan tags himself in, and hooks the Lebell Lock to win.
WINNERS: Team Friendship via Lebell Lock
Rating: 5/10. They were game, but what’s with this crowd? At least Bryan’s celebration was fun.

-The two argue over who the champions “is”, and the fans demand a hug-out. Bryan’s down with it, and Kane hesitates, but gives in. JBL: “You never saw Faarooq and I hugging.”
Hug rating: 8/10. Non-committal, but progress is being made.

Match 7: Randy Orton vs. Tensai
It’s a shame that Randy Orton did something inappropriate on live TV, apologized for it, and was fired anyway like AW was and…..oh. Crowd is less than enamored with this match, but that’s no surprise. Shoulder block takes Orton down, and Orton swears loudly (muted) after Tensai headbutts him in the corner. Orton tries to come back, but Tensai slams him for 2. Tensai applies a bear hug as JBL spouts some NJPW factoids. Orton breaks free, but Tensai drops him and continues to work him over. Tensai applies a nervehold as JR says “create separation” 24 straight times. Orton hits an impressive snap slam and, after some hard kicks, gets the hanging DDT. Tensai avoids one RKO, but misses a charge, and Orton lands a second one to win.
WINNER: Randy Orton via RKO
Rating: 5/10. Slow beginning, fun remainder with a hotter crowd than we’ve seen all night. Progress, I suppose.

Match 8: Damien Sandow vs. Zack Ryder
We return from break to Ryder dropping Sandow with a flapjack. Sandow gets clotheslined over, and immediately planchaed. Ryder covers back inside for 2. Sandow comes back with stomps and a kneedrop. Sandow hits Ryder in the head, so this match won’t air on Saturday morning. JBL and Cole’s debate about education is keeping me entertained, not that the match sucks or anything. Sandow lands a Russian legsweep and curls into an elbowdrop for 2. Ryder gets a roll-up out of nowhere for 2, and they fight over an inside cradle. Broski Boot is evaded by Sandow, but Ryder brings him back into the ring. Ryder gets the Boot after dropping Sandow in the corner again for 2. Sandow comes back with the Finis neckbreaker and wins clean.
WINNER: Damien Sandow via Finis
Rating: 6/10. Hey, match of the night and a fun one at that.

Main Event: CM Punk/Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena/Sheamus
Wow, it’s like Punk’s a heel, because he’s teaming with Del Rio. Isn’t he a face because he tells the truth? I wonder if WWE will force his heel turn on us further by having him put a breast cancer survivor in the Anaconda Vise. Dueling chants praising and hating Cena (the second ones are louder, just saying). Punk stands there holding the belt for what seems like years, but is preferable to watching Sheamus cut a promo these days. Del Rio starts after Punk balks, and ADR beats Cena down in the corner. Cena gets a nice leaping monkey flip, followed by a backdrop for 2. Sheamus gets the tag, and he’s immediately booed. This makes me smile. Punk finally gets in, and Cena returns to attack. Punk avoids the AA and asks for a time out. HE’S SUCH A HEEL. Punk stomps Cena down and tags Del Rio, who chokes Cena on the bottom rope. Punk tags back in and kicks Cena hard in the gut. Cena tries to back, but Punk gets a single leg takedown. Cena avoids a submission and tags Sheamus, who beats Punk down in the corner. Del Rio gets in and BLASTS Sheamus with a savate kick. Sheamus fights back with the Dublin Clubs on the apron, with the crowd more vociferous with the boos. Sheamus gets White Noise and calls for the Brogue. Punk distracts and ADR gets a Backstabber for 2. Punk tags in and locks Sheamus in a bow and arrow. Sheamus becomes face in peril and Del Rio drops him with the leaping stomp for 2. Sheamus comes back with the Irish Curse. Tags are made to Cena and Punk, and Cena, predictably, dominates. Cena lacks on the STF, but Del Rio saves. Brogue Kick takes ADR out, Punk takes out Sheamus, and Cena AA’s Punk for the win, with the ref missing Punk’s foot on the ropes.
WINNERS: John Cena/Sheamus via AA
Rating: 7/10. Excitable main event at least, with classic SNME pacing. I approve.

-Punk and Heyman complain to the ref afterward, and that’s how the show ends.

OVERALL: Odd show with the disinterested crowd, and three hours certainly doesn’t help. For once, the third hour was the strongest, but still, it doesn’t exactly make me wanna keep watching.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for Wrestlechat.net and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

WWE: Night of Champions 2012 DVD

WWE: CM Punk Best in the World DVD

WWE: Superstar Collection – Daniel Bryan DVD

Grab discounted WWE DVDs, merchandise, t -shirts, figures, and more from the WWE Shop on Amazon.com

WWE RAW September 10 Results – Bret Hart Returns To Montreal

September 10, 2012 By: Category: Videos, WWE | Pro Wrestling

CM Punk Bret Hart-There’s a PPV in six days? Guess I kinda lost track with the NFL season kicking off, and providing an eventful opening weekend of action. But I know it’s not really a special weekend without references to Tout, Be A Star, and Twitter every five minutes. Although Dick Stockton and Jerry Lawler have the same level of wooden senility, so there’s that.

-Also, is it just me, or is there such little chatter about last week’s ending angle of Punk and Heyman being in cahoots? Thinking fans are tired of being burned. Also, the idea of Bret Hart showing up tonight in Montreal seems to not be as inspiring as it may once have been. There’s just been so many attempts to hotshot a rating in recent years that now nobody cares. It’s all going to end with Cena, and that’s that.

-Live from Montreal. I’m missing the remainder of the Bengals-Ravens game and the start of the Chargers-Raiders game, so I’ve already been screwed.

Opening Segment: Bret Hart
Bret’s now completely gray, and looks like Stu with long hair and a slimmer frame, but I’m always happy to see him. Of course, there’s always that one moron that spells his name “BRETT” in a sign. Oy. Bret can barely get to talking as the crowd is too consumed cheering and chanting, and Cole mocks them for having the gall to cheer and throw off the format. That’d be Vince talking. Bret gives a heartfelt thanks to the fans, and Punk arrives as he’s wrapping up. My childhood hero and adulthood hero clash. Punk asks what if Bret had faced him in Montreal, and Bret thinks he’d have tapped him in under a minute with the Sharpshooter. Punk, on the contrary, feels that he wouldn’t have needed Vince to beat Bret. Oh, and Punk would have jumped to WCW, and WWE would have been dead. Punk’s giving Bischoff, Hogan, and Nash a lot of credit. Bret takes Punk to task for walking out, as they’re using every possible story device to make us hate Punk. Punk even goes as far as to call Bret overrated, which is surefire heat in Canada, and Bret declares that Punk’s putting the fans to sleep. Please don’t make me hate you, Bret. Punk promises to break Cena at Night of Champions.
Segment Rating: 6/10. No real no ground broken, just the usual tired devices (Mock Bret in Canada for heat, turn the guy who many fans like because Vince loves Cena to death).

Just for fun, here’s my NFC East review for Sunday, looking at both the Eagles and Redskins’ performances. http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/content/robert-griffin-iii-lives-up-to-hype-redskins-and-eagles-defenses-stout/16826/

Match 1: Ghana Get Got vs. The Miz/Antonio Cesaro
This will be the first non-title match all year that a titleholder actually gets to win. It helps that none of them are facing Cena. Cesaro’s opponent will be determined by a battle royal, which begs the question of why we even have a belt. As R-Truth wrestles here, Pacman Jones faces the Ravens on ESPN, and they won TNA’s Tag Team Titles five years ago yesterday. BRING BACK TEAM PACMAN. GGG dominates with double teams, and Kofi lands a flip dive over the top onto both men as we hit commercial. We return to Cesaro working over Truth while Aksana poses on the apron. Can’t complain about that. Lawler: “R-Truth almost came in our lap!” Pshh, Lawler would’ve done that himself at the sight of Aksana’s legs. Kofi gets the hot tag and goes all frenzyish, hitting a crossbody on Cesaro for 2. Cesaro comes back with a cheating rollup for 2, and then eats Trouble in Paradise to end it.
WINNERS: Ghana Get Got via Trouble in Paradise
Rating: 4/10. Pedestrian match meant to emphasize the titleholders before Sunday. Not a particularly great showcase, but a showcase regardless.

-On SmackDown, Worst Babyface Ever is sad to have lost the Brogue Kick. I’m sad he lost his it factor.

-Speak of the devil, WBE and Otunga match wits in a deposition at Titan Tower. I’m watching Schefter and Mortensen on ESPN, while relying on RD Reynolds of WrestleCrap to tell me when it ends. I’m sure you understand. WWE has ruined Sheamus the same way Bobby Brown ruined Whitney Houston.

Match 2: Layla/Kaitlyn/Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya/Alicia Fox
This is why women get mad at WWE: the Divas change face/heel without cause week to week, showing what they really think of women. Pin-Up Strong dominate Kaitlyn, but she avoids a Kaitlyn attack. Layla gets the cold-tag and cross bodies Alicia for 2. Eve tags herself in, BECAUSE SHE’S EVIL, and pins Alicia with the neckbreaker.
WINNERS: 3 of the Divas via Neckbreaker
Rating: 1/10. Just for Eve’s insincerity bit.

-Punk tells off AJ for booking him, but she holds her ground. This leads to Punk running into Brodus, who’s got my vote, just to see if WWE would actually book that match.

Match 3: CM Punk vs. Randy Orton
Lawler got more votes than Brodus Clay, which is why sterilization should be forced upon anyone with below a C average in school. Punk passes Superstar Graham’s title reign tomorrow, which makes me happy, given what their lifestyles represent. Match begins with a slow wrestling sequence before Punk takes over with a corner choke and some stomps. Backbreaker connects for 1. Orton nearly gets an RKO, and Punk quickly bails. And then he goes to walk out, but Orton gives chase up the aisle. Yeah, let’s just go all the way with Punk’s heel mannerisms, in case the densest of marks was thinking of cheering for him. Punk manages to knock Orton off the apron as we go to break. Orton escapes an abdominal stretch when we come back, but Punk goes to the knee to counter. Crowd was in the midst of a dueling chant with cheers for Punk, so we must be in BIZARROVILLE. Orton crotches him up top and gets Daddy’s Superplex for 2. Orton gets a flurry of offense and then panders to the crowd (to a mixed reaction), but Punk avoids the hanging DDT. Flying clothesline gets 2. Punk calls for the GTS, but can’t get it. Orton lands the O-Zone for 2. Hanging DDT finally hits, and then it’s into the Viper Pounding, but Ziggler runs in for the DQ. Punk gets snap-slammed, and Orton plans on the RKO anyway, but Dolph attacks again. They double team Randy, because December and January was a long time ago, and Lawler runs in for the save. I know which duo I like more. The Creeps clean house and we go to an unexpected commercial.
WINNER: Randy Orton via DQ
Rating: 6/10. Solid match, but nothing special. Just something to promote Night of Champions, more or less, and provide the “length match” of the night.

Cheap Plug: My Madden/Franchise Mode protest article has done VERY well at Football Nation http://www.footballnation.com/content/madden-football-the-death-franchise-mode/16390/

Match 4: CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton/Jerry Lawler
Well, it gets Lawler off commentary, and we avoid Vickie’s played-out intro. That’s two good things, right? Lawler tags in and slugs Dolph down for 2. Punk’s so excited that he aimlessly plays with his tag rope. The crowd is so inspired by WWE’s booking that they chant for Punk. Ziggler’s mockery of Lawler is all that’s holding my interest. Lawler manages to make the hot tag, and Orton takes it to Ziggler with the snap slam. Ziggler avoids the hanging DDT with a huge backdrop to the floor. Paul Heyman makes his way out, and he confers with Punk. The crowd is so disgusted by what a heel Heyman is that they chant for ECW. Heyman gets Punk his belt and they talk about restaurants. Meanwhile, Orton RKOs and pins Ziggler, but Team Free Speech could care less as they walk out.
WINNERS: The Creeps via RKO
Rating: 2/10. Just because Punk and Heyman are worth cheering for.

-Matt Striker confronts Heyman and Punk, as I’m all giddy with ECW 2006 flashbacks. Punk declares himself a Heyman guy and leaves.

-Bryan/Kane recap. The happy music makes it. They confront each other, and they are confronted by….Dr. Shelby. He looks like Jake Gyllenhaal had a sex with a turtle. There’s apparently something in the works that’ll either cure them, or ruin them. I’m shocked Vince doesn’t push the Doc over Bryan, since he’s taller.

-Slater wants a rematch with Ryder, but gets someone booked far less horribly.

Match 5: Heath Slater vs. Ryback
Heath Slater died on the way back to his home planet.
WINNER: Ryback via the usual
Rating: 2/10. Cole and Lawler are so impressed with Ryback that they become enamored with WWE.com videos.

-The PTPs mack AJ, and Titus is now armed with a whistle. This is bad. Really bad. AJ books them in a match tonight for #1 contendership against Kane and Daniel Bryan. Finally doing the right thing.

Match 6: Prime Time Players vs. Hell No (#1 Contenders Match)
In WWE, partners who hate each other beat partners who get along just fine by a 7 to 2 ratio. Kane manhandles Titus, and tags Bryan, who kicks the crap out of him. Between Slater, Ryback, Bryan, and Young over the past few segments, 4 Nexus guys, no mention of the group. Bryan ends up in the wrong corner and gets worked over, with Young applying a cravate. O’Neil drops Young with a front suplex on Bryan, but Bryan ends up fighting back with kicks, only to take a backbreaker. Young works a long chinlock as the commentary appears to cut out for 45 seconds. Actually, Lawler is escorted out for some unknown reason that got the fans attention, but I missed it completely. Cole’s said nothing. Bryan continues the kicks, and Kane tags himself in. Dominance ensues. Folks on Twitter are saying that Lawler collapsed at the table, so now I’m concerned. Kane chokeslams Bryan onto Young to win.
WINNERS: Hell No via Chokeslam (New #1 Contenders)
Rating: 4/10. Kinda doesn’t matter; just hoping Lawler’s okay. I make fun of the guy a lot, but that doesn’t mean I wish harm on him.

Match 7: Alberto Del Rio vs. Tyson Kidd
Still no word from Cole, or anyone, on Lawler. ADR will annihilate Kidd just to draw heat in Canada, I’ll bet. Kidd misses a springboard elbow, and eats a kick to the face from ADR. Sure enough, Del Rio tries the Sharpshooter, only for Kidd to counter into his own to a huge cheer. Del Rio makes the ropes however. Apologies for continued brevity, checking Twitter for any and all Lawler updates. Cross armbreaker finishes.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio via Cross Armbreaker
Rating: 4/10. Spirited little match.

-Cole comes on to confirm the situation and that Lawler is receiving CPR, stressing this isn’t part of the show. Cole’s tone sounds grave; I hope I’m not reading too far into this.

Match 8: Worst Babyface Ever vs. David Otunga (non title match)
Cole is dead silent for Sheamus’ entrance, at a part where he’d be reading off the tweets that were on screen. Cole’s sitting ringside, but isn’t saying a word. Sheamus finishes quickly with the Cloverleaf.
WINNER: Sheamus via Irish Cloverleaf
Rating: 1/10. Just a quick match. Cole still hasn’t said a word.

-Sheamus returns to destroy Otunga, and AJ makes her way out. Then Booker strips Sheamus of the title I think. Not really following this right now.

-Bryan and Kane bitch about their match, but Dr. Shelby encourages them.

-Cole informs us that Lawler is now breathing on his own, however no more commentary tonight. That’s something, at least.

Match 9: Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes
Almost called the rant given the circumstances, but I’ll finish now that Cole’s lifted the mood a bit. Rhodes lands some kneelifts and a charging knee for 2. Front layout suplex lays out Mysterio. Rey avoids the Cross Rhodes, and Cody takes a tumble outside. Mysterio lands a rana off the apron, and tries a headscissors back in, but the sequence leads to him taking a Disaster Kick for 2. Rey ends up with a bulldog for 2, and a hard kick lays Cody out for another 2. Rey goes for the 619, but takes a second to take out an oncoming Miz, and Rhodes uses the opening to land Cross Rhodes. Rhodes hits Miz with the move afterward as well, because he misses his Intercontinental Title. See, titles DO matter!
WINNER: Cody Rhodes via Cross Rhodes
Rating: 4/10. Short, decent match, obviously tempered by the real-life situation. No further updates after the previous one.

-Cole update: Lawler is a bit more responsive to lights, in isolated ER awaiting a CT scan. Cole’s voice is noticeably hoarse.

Closing Segment: Bret Interviews Cena
Heavy on talk with the crowd chanting “You Can’t Wrestle” at Cena. Bret calls Punk a phony, which brings him out. My friend called and I’m giving him the update, so I apologize for not listening to this segment. Come back to hear Punk talking about how he’s the best in each category. Cena says the belt has been irrelevant with Punk as champion. Cena blah blah blah Punk needs a new identity. He even speaks French to pander, which Punk points out. Things get heated, and Cena reiterates the phrase in English (“I’m gonna kick your ass”). Punk then goes to hit Bret, but Cena stops him. Cena wants a fight now, but Punk goes to hit Bret again, only to get beaten to the punch. Punk leaves with his dignity shot.
Segment Rating: 8/10. Cena’s portion had the intensity, I’ll give it that.

Cole’s last update: Lawler is stable, heart beating on its own. Cole’s tone is much more upbeat and positive. He concludes with encouraging words to Lawler himself.

Overall: Not going to rate or berate the show under the circumstances, but I’ll just say I hope Lawler gets through this, and I hope all turns out okay.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for Wrestlechat.net and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

WWE: Bret “Hitman” Hart – The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be DVD

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WWE RAW September 03 Results – Heyman & Punk Unite!

September 03, 2012 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

CM Punk heel turn

-Been having internet connection problems during the heavy rains this late afternoon/evening. Just got internet back around 7 PM EST. What does it say that I’m sad that I got my connection restored, because it means I now have to review Raw? There’s little chance WWE would allow me to be their social media ambassador at this point.

-For what it’s worth, I’m all for Ric Flair being in The Hangover, Part III. Anything that keeps him away from wrestling these days. It’s funny how we lambast the old and decrepit fogies who steal the spotlight from the current crop, but those same people are clamoring for Flair to return to WWE and manage Dolph or something. Flair is Scott Hall with a more work-rate filled past, and is just as trustworthy. Keep him off my TV, please.

-Live from Chicago. BETCHA PUNK GETS BOOED TONIGHT.

-Oh, good, Punk beat up Lawler backstage, thus saving us from having to deal with his vanilla energy and cheesy heroism tonight. PLEASE DO A 4.5 RATING TONIGHT.

Opening Segment: Sheamus
Justin Roberts saying “World Heavyweight Champion”, drawing cheers from morons thinking that it’s Punk, means maybe we have one world title too many. The World’s Worst Babyface rants for all of 20 seconds before Hometown Punk disrupts. Wow, actual crowd energy! Punk rants on Lawler while hitting the Chi-Town buttons, getting the requisite boos for mentioning Cena. Punk asks, “DID I TURN MY BACK ON YOU?” and the crowd informs him that he hasn’t. To disagree with Punk is to disrespect him, and that’s not wise you see. Sheamus disrupts Punk to a smattering of boos, and cuts a rambling babyface promo that the crowd, of course, isn’t buying. Having Sheamus cut pre-written promos to Punk’s organic ones isn’t going to help him any. Sheamus calls out Punk for a fight, Punk turns it down, and pantsuit AJ makes her way out. It’s Del Rio vs. Cena and Punk vs. Sheamus. Mixing and matching main events? That NEVER happens!
Segment Rating: 6/10. Worth it to hear the crowd lose it for Punk, but sad watching Sheamus try to match Punk’s intensity without sounding like a buffoon.

Match 1: Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton
Looks like we’re in for a showcase, as the two engaged in a fast paced exchange early, and Orton busted out a dropkick and a slingshot suplex. Orton continues the assault with some whips into the rail as we hit the first commercial. Gotta say, it seems pretty drab so far, especially considering that the Chicago crowd is known for being appreciative. We come back to Dolph taking his usual daredevil bump on a free fall, and finally the crowd comes around on the ten-count punches. Ziggler manages to regain control by sending Orton into the rail shoulder first, and Cole relays the injury history. I like Cole FAR more without Lawler there to hold him down. Just as I feel good about Cole’s impressive display, Chicago saddens me by chanting for Orton. What would CM Punk think? Orton builds the comeback after Dolph misses an elbow, but Dolph halts it with a jumping hooking clothesline for 2. Ziggler gets crotched and, as expected, gets Daddy’s superplex for 2. Snap slam hits, but Dolph throats him on the hanging DDT. Orton bounces back with the O-Zone for 2. Near falls have got the crowd into it, finally. Ziggler misses the Dolphasser, and Orton finally lands the hanging DDT. Into Viper Mode, but Ziggler evades the RKO. Into a series of roll-up reversals, and Dolph ends up on top with a handful of tights to win!
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via modified cradle
Rating: 7/10. Started slow, ended up a damn good match. Cole on commentary without Lawler made it better, because there was a serious lack of Twitter/Tout/Social Ambassador/Be a Star crap.

-Miz is here to do commentary. Betcha the IC Title match is built off something he does at ringside!

-More Anger Management. D-Bry’s anger collage is just yes/no scribbled on a sheet of paper over and over. Kane with a binder is hilarious for some reason. Kane’s collage is blank, but he makes up for it by using his telekinesis to shoot flames out of a trash can. Bryan isn’t too happy with Kane’s one-upsmanship.

Match 2: Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes/Tensai
Winners get El Dandy/Silver King on Thunder. Cara lands an early handspring as we take an almost immediate commercial. Tensai and Rhodes have control when we come back, as Miz makes me miss having Lawler on commentary. Seriously, I use Ventura as a measuring stick, and if current Lawler is a 3, Miz is treading about a 2. Cara remains in peril as Tensai applies the stereotypical nervehold. Lawler’s revealed to be out due to injury (do commentators have an injury list like the NFL?). Rhodes can’t stop Cara from tagging, and Rey dazzles, dropping a dime off the top for 2. Rey manages to drop Tensai across the rope, and hits the 619. Cara lands a missle dropkick on Tensai, but Rhodes drops Rey with a front layout suplex for 2. Rhodes gets 619ed, and Cara lands a senton bomb to win.
WINNERS: Los Luchadores via senton bomb
Rating: 6/10. Hey, that was fun! Rey and Cara should team more often. Rey/Cara vs. The Colons (if turned heel) could be the most fun tag matches in WWE in years.

-More Anger Management: a trust circle. Bryan and Kane want no part of it. They’re asked to demonstrate a trust fall. “Kane will catch you.” “I will?” Kane indeed catches him, and they’re asked to catch Harold the X Division Star, who misses the catch. This brings Bryan and Kane closer to together. “I think I understand you, Kane.” Too funny.

Sheamus comes out for the next match, so Punk comes out in street clothes, so it looks like he’s going to do something to try and turn on his hometown fans. Punk explains that Sheamus should not dare exploit his Chicago heritage, nor challenge him to anything less than a main event, so Punk takes the day off. Yup, boos. Just what the rigid, stubborn WWE wants. Sheamus, of course, become the hero of the people and says the fans want to see the match. Indeed, Punk blows off AJ, gets into a limo, and leaves into the night. Yep.

-Cheap Plug: NFC East Week 1 Preview. Cowboys/Giants matchup, Eagles defensive high points, Redskins will struggle with Drew Brees. http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/content/nfc-east-week-1-preview-history-favors-champion-giants/16544/

Match 3: Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger (non title)
Hey, the two worst World Heavyweight Champions ever (not counting Khali)! Main event anywhere in the country. Del Rio joins Cole and Miz on commentary. Sheamus landing the battering ram for 2, but Swagger comes back with a front chop block for 2. Hey, if Ziggler and McIntyre were out here, we’d have an entire Survivor Series 2009 team reunited. Not that anyone remembers, of course. Sheamus avoids the gutwrench, Swagger avoids White Noise, and Swagger gets the Swagger Bomb for 2. Sheamus manages to get the win with the Texas Cloverleaf (Dublin Cloverleaf?). Cole says he’s never used it before, but he did beat Santino with it on one of the first Raws I reviewed for CCB. Maffew of Botchamania, get on this!
WINNER: Sheamus via Dublin Cloverleaf
Rating: 3/10. Hey, Swagger got offense! That counts for something!

-ADR tries to attack, but gets White Noise for his trouble. Ricardo sacrifices himself on the Brogue Kick, however.

Match 4: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn
Has Eve been drinking some of Naomi’s Ass Bulge protein beverage? If so, kudos. Layla continues her burgeoning career as a commentator. Just realized the three women here are two Diva Search winners (Layla, Eve) and the Divas NXT winner (Kaitlyn). The gimmick here is that Eve is demonstrating faux sportsmanship in an attempt to manipulate the babyfaces. Well, it’s a gimmick, at least. Layla and Miz’s bantering commentary is better than anything Lawler brings to the table. Kaitlyn hurts herself, and the aggressive Eve lands a neckbreaker to win. Eve’s handshake to a dazed, confused Kaitlyn is pretty damn funny.
WINNER: Eve Torres via neckbreaker
Rating: 2/10. Uhh, it didn’t suck.

-Eve offers Layla a handshake, and she begrudgingly obliges. No swerve yet. A slow build? Holy s—t!

-Swagger walks out, saying he needs time off. He’s HAD time off, hasn’t he? AJ is upset because everyone is leaving Raw. Uh oh, I smell a crazy turn!

-Anger Management Once More: Daniel and Kane graduate, Bryan promises to give Kane a rematch, and Kane promises not to eviscerate him. Tempers flare, and they even yell at poor Harold. They drive Dr. Shelby to an angry outburst with their actions.

-Fans can vote to have Bryan fight Kane, team up, or hug it out like bitches. This is the best use of social media WWE has EVER undertaken.

-Otunga now represents ADR, who’s upset because Ricardo is pretty much dead.

Match 5: Jinder Mahal vs. Ryback
Shouldn’t they save this for WWF Spotlight, or the main event of the C-level house show in Sioux City, IA? Ryback expectedly overpowers Mahal, but Mahal does drop him with a knee for 1. Ryback gets the cunnalingua-powerbomb, followed by the meat hook clothesline. Ryback-Hammer finishes.
WINNER: Ryback via Ryback-Hammer
Rating: 2/10. Zucchini squash.

-An agitated AJ makes Cena/ADR falls count anywhere.

Match 6: Kane vs. Daniel Bryan
Hugging it out wins. This would have been a GREAT time for Jeremy Piven to return! Or he’ll show up in two weeks at Show of Champions or Hell in a Cage. After much stalling and crowd prodding, Bryan hugs Kane with tentativeness, and then he gets mad because Kane didn’t hug back. Kane finally obliges, but Bryan didn’t hug back that time. Miz explains that you have to hug each other at the same time, and Cole demands to know how he knows these rules. This is the kind of absurd that is actually hilarious if done right. Finally, the two hug to a huge ovation. NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS. And a handshake to boot. Then it leads to shoulder slapping, and Bryan tags Kane to hard. Things escalate, and a shoving match ensues. Then Bryan pie-faces Kane, and a fight breaks out. Ah, man, I had such hope. A chair gets involved, and Kane goes to Pillmanize his neck, but the refs intervene. This gives Bryan a chance to bash Kane with the chair, and then he runs off.
Segment Rating: 10/10. Just because I love absurdity, and that was absurdity at its finest.

Match 7: Antonio Cesario vs. Santino Marella (WWE United States Title)
An unannounced US Title match? At this rate, the fans might think the belt means nothing at all! Santino goes into the finishing sequence with Cobra at the bell, but Aksana distracts him, and he can’t hit the move. Of course not. Cesaro even STOMPS THE COBRA. Oh, it’s on now. Santino gets the Cobra back after a struggle, but the Neutralizer finishes.
WINNER: Antonio Cesaro via Neutralizer (Still WWE United States Champion)
Rating: 2/10. Better competition for Cesaro, please?

Match 8: Zack Ryder vs. Heath Slater
Neither man gets an entrance, which says it all. This started over a Twitter war, which is as macho as it gets. Miz is starting to grow on me on commentary, I admit. Ryder plays face in peril, but comes back with a knee counter and a missile dropkick. Broski Boot hits, but Slater avoids the Rough Ryder. Ryder lands a face plant, and Roughs his way to the win anyway.
WINNER: Zack Ryder via Rough Ryder
Rating: 3/10. Fun little squash. Does Ryder have a winning streak going?

-Vickie’s out to b*tch a bit about AJ. She yells at the chair to mock the whole Eastwood thing, and AJ comes out, not skipping for a change. AJ reveals the Board of Directors is unhappy with her, and she can’t put her hands on anyone anymore. She apologizes to Vickie, but Vickie pushes her luck and slaps AJ after repeated apologies. AJ is none too pleased. I’m assuming that’s what happened, since I was following standard Vickie procedure and had the TV on mute the whole time.

Main Event: John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio (Falls Count Anywhere)
Joined in progress after the break, oddly enough. Cole foreshadows that you can pin your opponent out in the parking lot, so you can guess who’ll be returning to the arena. Cena dropkicks a diving Del Rio, which looked pretty nifty. Del Rio avoids the AA and the fight spills outside, with Cena going into the stairs. Cena gets 2 off a shoulderblock off the stairs. The table comes into play, but as Cena clears it, Del Rio lands the step up enzuigiri for 2. Cena comes back with another AA attempt, but Del Rio shoves him into the post. Del Rio misses with a chair, and Cena throws him into the crowd. I’ll bet we’re headed to the parking lot! Ooops, not yet, as Cena goes to AA Del Rio off the stairs through the table, but ADR counters with a back suplex through for 2. Del Rio badmouths him over the mic, and Cena gets the STF. ADR escapes with a mic shot to the head. Del Rio ends up tumbling to the floor and wounds the knee, but the two begin their brawl to the back, with Cena getting suplexed on the ramp for 2. Del Rio prevents Cena from using a speaker as a weapon, and the fight finally leaves the arena. Cena gets the AA on the production case, but Punk comes back (SURPRISE) with a roundhouse to the head. Punk puts Del Rio on top for the win.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio via CM Punk’s kick
Rating: 7/10. Good Attitude Era-style brawl, and a worthy main event for a change.

-Punk GTS’s Cena onto the hood of his car, and emphasizes respect. And the driver of the car? PAUL HEYMAN. Uhh….woah!

Overall: A much better show for a change, with a good main event, good opening match, and a tremendous closing angle with Paul Heyman and CM Punk somehow in cahoots.

Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be booing Punk. Sorry, Vince.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for Wrestlechat.net and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

WWE: SummerSlam 2012 DVD

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WWE: Superstar Collection – Daniel Bryan DVD

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WWE RAW August 27 Results & Recap – The Triple H Decision

August 28, 2012 By: Category: Videos, WWE | Pro Wrestling

Triple H-I have almost no witty teaser, as I’ve been preparing for football season all week. That said, SummerSlam 1990 was 22 years ago tonight, and I was there in Philadelphia to see my hero The Ultimate Warrior defeat Ravishing Rick Rude. I have nothing else to add, really. WWE’s been boring lately, but I’m trucking forward anyway. I’m a soldier, like Kellen Winslow, man.

-Live from Milwaukee, where Beer Nuts is the official disease ($1 to George Carlin’s estate).

Opening Segment: Jerry Lawler

Lawler says that this isn’t the way Raw usually starts. With pointless talking? Always, King. He recaps the entire ending angle with Punk, which is better than a video package explaining it, I guess. He demands an apology from Punk, which I’m sure will be sincere. Dig the Lance Storm haircut on Punk. Punk makes it clear that Lawler deserved the kick, but he does apologize: he’s sorry that Lawler’s career is a sham built on beating nobodies and being a lousy announcers. He’s sorry about the man Lawler has become. Punk goads him into a fight, because if one thing’s going to make me hate Punk, it’s him beating a half-assed announcer who hasn’t been interesting since 2000. Punk promises Lawler will be embarrassed tonight, one way or another. Lawler’s entire parting shot: “I’LL THINK ABOUT IT.” He’s so bad ass, he’s going to take threats UNDER ADVISEMENT!

Segment Rating: 3/10. I have no interest in seeing Punk destroy Lawler. He was even off his game promo-wise, but I can’t blame him.

Match 1: Jack Swagger vs. Ryback

Hey, Swagger’s alive! Well, not for long. Swagger gets some token offense, an even tries the ankle lock before Ryback awkwardly escapes, and drops Swagger ON HIS HEAD with a botched backdrop. Lariat and Ry-Backhammer finish.

WINNER: Ryback via Ry-Backhammer

Rating: 0/10. That may have been Ryback’s worst match to date, and he nearly killed Swagger to boot. Not that WWE hasn’t tried.

Match 2: Layla vs. Natalya (Non Title Match)

There weren’t nearly enough shots of Layla in her hooker boots last week. Vickie interrupts for some reason, because she has an announcement to make, so the Divas had better hurry. I’m certain they well. Slow wrestling follows, akin to GLOW except with Layla’s awful dancing. Natalya steals the Finlay apron-trap trick and pummels Layla. Crowd is acting very weird. Kick to the head finishes.

WINNER: Layla via kick to the head

Rating: 1/10. Eh, slightly better, but I wouldn’t say Raw’s off to a good start or anything.

-Vickie throws Layla out. Hey, remember when they were allies? She complains about AJ nearly costing Dolph his briefcase with a whimsical booking decision. That’s what I wanna see, Vickie and AJ feuding. Is it Thursday yet? AJ skips out, and she is looking exceptionally fine tonight. She slaps Vickie and beats the excessive makeup off of her. I approve.

-Various HHH highlights are being shown to commemorate his non-retirement.

-Daniel Bryan attends anger management. A kid in a goatface mask walks in, because it’s pure comedy.

-Lawler namedrops people in Memphis he’s beaten, and says he’s not sure how long Punk would have lasted in Memphis. Surely Punk’s too good to wrestle in that ratty TV studio on Saturday mornings. Oh, and Lawler doesn’t think Punk is the best in the world, and he accepts the challenge. Wow, emotion from Lawler?

Match 3: John Cena vs. The Miz (non title)

Why’s Cena on at 8:50? It’s not a school night for the kids in most places, is it? Cole’s now flying solo with Lawler preparing. Cena gets the better of a wrestling sequence, so it looks like this one’s going to last a bit. Cena manages a second headlock takeover as we hit the early commercial. We come back with Miz in control, and Josh Mathews has joined Cole at ringside. TOUGH ENOUGH REUNION! We need fat Darrel and the crazy suicidal chick from Season 3 now. Miz lands the corner clothesline, followed by a double axe handle for 2. Miz gets the backbreaker followed by the neckbreaker for 2. I have this crazy notion that Cena may, just may, shake off all this punishment and win. Cena gets the STF out of nowhere, but Miz makes the ropes, making half the fans happy. Miz gets a stump DDT with GUSTO for 2. Cena took a nice javelin bump there. Miz can’t crush the skull, Cena can’t adjust the attitude, but Miz CAN give Cena a side effect for 2. Second corner clothesline misses, and Cena goes into Victory Sequence, including AA, to win.

WINNER: John Cena via Attitude Adjustment

Rating: 5/10. Basic match, though much less insulting than their WrestleMania and Over the Limit matches last year. A fine TV match.

-Just saw the trailer for the WWE’s 50 Best Finishers DVD, and oh my God, Benoit’s in it. He takes a Diamond Cutter from DDP. Not sure how to react, really.

-More Bryan hijinx. This time, Kane shows up in costume. What’s he angry about, novocaine costs on the rise?

Cheap Plug: my take on Terrell Owens going out with a whimper http://www.footballnation.com/content/the-fall-terrell-owens-from-the-eyes-an-eagles-fan/16320/

Match 4: Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella

Marella throws some kung fool, and manages to outwrestle Slater with some slapstick comedy. A dance contest erupts, and the crowd dares boo Slater’s swank footwork. Boring chants kick up, which is always a good sign. Marella keeps rolling away from Slater’s dive attempts, and the crowd boos instead of laughing. They finally pick things up, as Santino comes back with his usual sequence, and Cobra comes out, but WAIT. Aksana’s sax music kicks up, and the crowd is confused, as Aksana gyrates on stage. Cobra manages to turn and nail Slater anyway for the win.

WINNER: Santino Marella via Cobra

Rating: 2/10. I have nothing to add.

Match 5: Brodus Clay/Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes/Damien Sandow

Rhodes and Sandow should form a team and go for the belts. Call em “The Rhodes Scholars”. We take a break before the match and come back with Rhodes dominating Rhodes, getting 2 off a knee to the face. Sandow lands the Cubito Aequet on Cara for 2. I just wanted to type those words. Cara manages to tag Clay, who takes over by steamrolling through Rhodes. Powerslam gets 2, with Sandow saving. Cara takes out Sandow with a plancha, and Clay gets Rhodes with the rhino headbutt and Funk It.

WINNERS: Brodus Clay/Sin Cara via Funk It

Rating: 3/10. Hardly saw it, thanks to commercial. Shame, because this could have actually been a fun match.

-Part III of Anger Management. In the spirit of “anything Kane does is hilarious, as long as he’s in costume”, I have to say him wearing a nametag makes me laugh. Kane recounting his entire sordid history is the funniest thing WWE has done all year.

Match 6: R-Truth vs. Daniel Bryan

D-Bry fists bumps Truth to show solidarity. The fans chant goatface, because they’re sad. Bryan gets mad, but Truth manages to corral his anger with a beatdown, ending with a Lie Detector for 2. Truth yeses up the crowd, and even makes a hidden reference to Milwaukee/Green Bay, after the misunderstanding last year. Bryan gets himself counted out while arguing with the fans.

WINNER: R-Truth via countout

Rating: 2/10. Sigh

The Triple H Decision

Verdict: He’s not sure, but he might retire. MAYBE. But thanks anyway if he does. And if he DOESN’T. Still, thanks. There, I spared you ten minutes of a quasi-Shawn speech.

Match 7: Sheamus/Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

Ziggler steals Jericho’s intro, just to be a douche. Orton and Ziggler start, and Orton goes all retro with a slingshot suplex. Sheamus ups the excitement with a diving shoulder block off the apron to Del Rio, and Ziggler slides to the floor to avoid an RKO at the commercial. We come back to Del Rio mauling Orton at ringside, slamming him into the steps. Dolph gets the tag, and Ziggler lands the emphatic elbow for 2. Orton continues to play face in peril, as Cole points out that Ziggler could cash in Money in the Bank tonight. It’s kinda sad; I wasn’t even considering that possibility. I’m sure I’m not alone in that regard either. Del Rio misses a corner charge, and Orton gets a roll-up for 2. ADR then takes a tumble to the outside, and soon after, double tags are made, with Sheamus going berserk. Ziggler counters White Noise with a rollthrough, but can’t avoid the Irish Curse, which Del Rio breaks up. Orton O-Zones a briefcase-wielding Ziggler, and Sheamus Brogues him to win.

WINNERS: Sheamus/Randy Orton via Brogue Kick

Rating: 5/10. Decent, fast-paced tag team match. One of the few “highlights” so far tonight.

-Josh Mathews bails, as Kane’s here to do commentary. This would improve the show immensely if it were permanent.

Match 8: Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga

Sadly, Kane says nothing, and Cole’s attempt to communicate while standing seven feet away is pretty funny. Otunga whips some ass early, getting 2 off of a shoulderblock. Ryder comes back with a face plant, but Otunga drags him off the top rope as a counter. Ryder comes back with the Ruff Ryder to win his first match in 4 years.

WINNER: Zack Ryder via Ruff Ryder

Rating: 2/10. Just a match.

-Kane snatches Ryder afterward….but then tosses him aside, and chokeslams Otunga instead. I smell a blossoming friendship.

-AJ makes it clear that she will choose Punk’s opponent for Night of Champions: John Cena. COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT.

Main Event: CM Punk vs. Jerry Lawler (Non Title/Cage Match)

Punk tries to goad Lawler into striking first, so Lawler does. Punk comes back with kicks and forearm strikes, followed by a neckbreaker. Things turn methodical as Punk wears Lawler down, and the crowd’s pretty damn dead. Three hours shows, they reek of death. Basement dropkick from Punk finally wakes the crowd up, who applauds him. Lawler manages to turn the tide and almost escapes, but Punk drags him back. Punk beats Lawler down and sings the Andy Kaufman “King of Memphis” song, but Lawler mounts the comeback by shoving Punk into the cage, and firing right hands. Strapless fist lands, getting 2. Lawler goes for the door, but Punk comes back with the corner knee. Champ’s busted open, which will surely satiate the anti-PG crowd. Anaconda Vise applied, and Punk gets the submission.

WINNER: CM Punk via Anaconda Vise

Rating: 4/10. Slow main event with some nifty nostalgia moments. At least they didn’t do something stupid, like have Lawler win on a fluke or anything.

-Punk empties out a toolbox from under the ring, and brings in a chain, sealing the door shut. With the mic in hand, he makes the same demand of last week, but Lawler refuses, so Punk beats him down. Lawler still refuses. Cena hits the ring and demands the cage be raised, as Punk continues the sadistic assault with repeated knees to the head. The cage is finally raised and Punk escapes, after declaring himself to be the best in the world.

OVERALL: Incredibly dull show tonight, with nothing new said, outside of the self-indulgent Triple H tripe, and even that’s not what you’d call groundbreaking. The ending angle was nice, but the autopilot booking otherwise is a killer.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for Wrestlechat.net and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

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WWE RAW August 20 Results & Live Blog – Brock Quits, Jericho Fired

August 20, 2012 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman-So SummerSlam was eh: nothing bad, nothing great, something nice to sit through for three hours without getting bored. By that token, you could lump it in there with the likes of 1989, 1993, 1995, 2005, among others in terms of presentation and quality. I’m happy that Triple H did the big job via submission to Lesnar, and I have a feeling that Punk’s going to chastise him for taking the main event slot for himself. If it leads to Punk making Hunter tap at Survivor Series, then more power to them.

-I’m missing my Eagles’ biggest preseason game tonight to cover Raw, but I’ll be following the stattracker and/or trying to make accurate guesses while winging the Raw rant and simultaneously watching the game. Eric wouldn’t blame me But to get a cheap plug in, here’s my look at what I feel is the biggest Eagles home game of the season, per my work at Football Nation. http://www.footballnation.com/content/philadelphia-eagles-biggest-home-game-the-year/16059/

-WWE Monday Night RAW is live from Fresno, which is Spanish for “suburb”

Opening Segment: Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman
As much as I love the velociraptor wail in Brock’s theme, can’t WWE just license “Enter Sandman” like UFC does for him? According to Michael Cole, Lesnar “broke the spirit of WWE.” HHH is an apparition? Heyman calls the match last night, “uncomfortable to watch.” Well, he’s not lying for a change. He also throws in a passing dig about his commentating superiority over Lawler and Cole. I abide. Anywho, Heyman says that while a torn quad couldn’t stop Hunter, a broken arm could, and Lesnar made HHH quit on everything he holds dear. When you need someone to absolutely, positively emphasize a point until everyone gets it, call Paul E. Heyman doesn’t feel sorry for Triple H, because he wanted a no-DQ, all-out battle, and he got it. Can’t argue with that. Heyman brings Scott Armstrong out, presumably for a WCW Saturday Night ’92 reunion with he, Tommy Gunn and Arachnaman. Can’t Armstrong get his brother’s entrance theme for a night? OH YOU DIDN’T KNOOOW? Apparently, Armstrong agreeing to let the rules be broken is an issue….but Brock thanks him for it. Lesnar is now the new “King of Kings”, says Heyman, and the conqueror of the WWE Universe. Works for me.
Segment Rating: 7/10. Good talk for a change; makes Brock look even stronger without corny comedy or anything to undercut his win. When he comes back for his next battle, it’ll be with more momentum than he had after the Cena match.

-CM Punk wants to pick his opponent tonight.

Match 1: Ghana Get Botch vs. Prime Time Dashing
The Tag Team Champs throw merchandise into the crowd, which you’ll remember Demolition used to do as well. Kofi and Young kick it off, which Kofi gets the best of with an elbow to the jaw for 2. Faces take over with a flurry of uninterrupted offense, and Rhodes runs from a Sin Cara dive attempt as we go to commercial. We return to the hot tag, with Truth axing Young for 2. Apparently, Khloe Kardashian is live-tweeting Raw. Either it’s Khloe, or Brodus hasn’t shaved in a week. Rhodes comes in and takes down Truth, while trying to start his own “CODY” chant. Doesn’t take, sadly. O’Neil’s in next, and he overpowers Truth with impunity. PTP get a front suplex on Truth for 2. This is quite a long heat segment; WWE must be low on video packages tonight. Titus slugs Kofi off the apron, but takes a leg lariat from Truth to turn the tide. Cara and Rhodes get the tags, and Sin Cara goes all luchatastic, finishing with a crossbody that Young breaks up. Kofi’s backdropped onto the Players at ringside, and Rhodes goes for Cara’s mask, but gets jackknife cradled and pinned.
WINNERS: Ghana Get Botch via jackknife cradle
Rating: 4/10. Decent formula match, advancing two B-level feuds. But at least the midcarders have angles: one over gold, the other over a mask. It’s like a territory, practically!

-AJ Lee is confronted by the returning David Otunga. He says ‘crazy’, and that earns him a match.

Match 2: Ryback vs. Mike Spitter/Andy Tavares
The usual happens. Was watching the Eagles. Enjoy your fine, Jermane Cunningham.
WINNER: Ryback via the usual
Rating: 2/10. Damn it, Fletcher Cox, you can’t tackle him after he’s thrown it!

-I tune in to Jinder Mahal beating up Ryback, who comes back with the backpack stunner. Main event, anywhere the country. Monsoon approves.

-Ziggler wants a rematch with Jericho, and AJ skips in to make one. Jericho’s contract vs. Dolph’s briefcase. Gee, I wonder how this is going to turn out. Actually, Jericho should lose for that stupid hand tattoo. What the hell, Chris? Money just laying around?

-Del Rio isn’t happy about the officiating last night, and he wants a rematch with Sheamus right now. This brings out the rapidly overexposed AJ, who books a match that ADR doesn’t want.

Match 3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton
Before the match can even begin, Sheamus makes his way out, because he’s SO HEROIC. Car thief, accepts tainted victories with a smile, etc. I’d sure want my kids to follow his lead. Sheamus joins the commentary table, and Del Rio gets dumped early. Orton does the Garvin Stomp and lands a knee for 2, as Sheamus admits that he exploited a bad decision. HERO. Del Rio comes back with a kick to the head for 2, followed by the MOTHER OF ALL STOMPS, followed by a chinlock. Damn, stealing Orton’s move! Lawler interrupts Cole to make light of the car theft, as I suddenly wish JBL was on Raw. Del Rio mocks Orton with the RKO taunt, but chooses to stomp him instead. Swerved us all. Orton gets his dad’s superplex for 2. Lawler’s stupidity is actually making me hate a show that was looking good. Del Rio wins a slugfest, but Orton comes back with a snap slam. Del Rio avoids the hanging DDT, and lands a kick to the back of head for 2. Orton comes back with the O-Zone backbreaker, but Del Rio comes back with kicks. Cross armbreaker is countered into a neckbreaker for 2. Orton gets the hanging DDT out of the corner, and goes into his unhappy place. Ricardo provides a distraction, and Sheamus accidentally distracts Orton. Backbreaker hits and Sheamus points out to the ref that Orton has his foot on the ropes. An incensed ADR is hit with the RKO, of course. Lawler’s happy, because he doesn’t know that all of us want him to get a serious illness.
WINNER: Randy Orton via RKO
Rating: 5/10. Decent match tempered by the horrid booking of Sheamus, and Lawler’s general annoyingness.

-Punk demands respect. He’s already got it here.

Match 4: Brodus Clay vs. Damien Sandow
Sandow goes for the leg, but Clay hammers him down. That doesn’t last, as Sandow manages to corner him and hurt the leg, but Clay comes back with strikes and a backdrop. Clay continues the assault with a belly to belly and an elbow drop, as Clay goes back to the old trash talk I missed. Sandow tries to fight back, but Clay gets mad, and avalanches him. Some butt bumps in the corner are followed with a running headbutt, but a second charge misses, and Sandow wins with an underhanded roll-up. Sandow cartwheels afterward, and is subjected to the SHEEEE Plex and the Funk It. What a poor sport.
WINNER: Damien Sandow via roll-up
Rating: 4/10. Hey, a fun little extended match with two actual personalities.

Via Satellite: Shawn Michaels
Long story short: Shawn thinks he set Triple H up for failure by getting in the way, but he loves Hunter and is proud of him. Sounded like a eulogy.

Match 5: David Otunga vs. Big Show
Weren’t these two allies with Laurinaitis? IN JUNE?!?! Otunga gets killed in a completely one-sided squash, with the Final Cut leading to the WMD.
WINNER: Big Show via WMD
Rating: 1/10. Zucchini squash.

Match 6: Kane/Zack Ryder vs. The Miz/Daniel Bryan
The real land of the misfit toys, this one. Bryan angrily no’ing that fan is pretty funny. Ryder gets some nifty offense in with a corner knee and a missile dropkick, but Miz soon finds himself on the offensive. Low mafia kick gets 2, and the tag is made to Bryan, who lands some, uh, no knees. Bryan lands a series of vicious kicks for 2. Tag is made to Miz, who expertly double teams with Bryan. Hey, why not make these two a super team for a bit? You can call em “Really, No.” Just as I type that, Bryan accidentally takes Miz out, and Ryder tags Kane, as Miz jumps off the apron, leaving Bryan alone. Bryan bails through the crowd, so Kane kills Ryder in a fit of rage. A production assistant is also assaulted in the fracas.
WINNERS: No decision rendered
Rating: 3/10. Kinda pointless, really, except for Kane’s push of destruction.

-CM Punk chooses his next contender: John Cena. But there’s a caveat, which Punk will reveal later.

Match 7: Divas Battle Royal for #1 Contendership.
Biggest positive: Layla at ringside in high boots, or Kaitlyn in booty shorts? Aksana and Rosa roll out in an awkward cat fight. Eve’s laying off to the side, so she’s going to steal the win somehow. Call it a hunch. Nice spot as Tamina and Natalya try to suplex Alicia over the top, to no avail. Natalya eliminates herself by accident, followed by Alicia, then Tamina, as it’s down to Eve and Kaitlyn. Well, I’ll be damned, Kaitlyn clotheslines Eve out. Battle of dat a$#!
WINNER: Kaitlyn
Rating: 1/10. Fully-erect zucchini squash.

-Brock has apparently quit via the evil video service.

-Wade Barrett is coming back. Just give him a new name, like Skylar Durden or something.

-Ziggler and Vickie have a minor spat.

Match 8: Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler (Contract Match)
I like that AJ puts Jericho’s job on the line for no discernible reason. Then again, what really makes sense in this writing-on-a-cocktail napkin company anymore? Jericho gets a rollup in the opening exchange for 2, and Dolph bails. Jericho with a cradle when Ziggler runs in for 2, and then hard chops follow up. Ziggler takes advantage of a distraction with a right hand, but Jericho manages to backdrop him out, and hits the cross-corner dropkick as we hit break. We return to Ziggler working a chinlock, but Jericho soon escapes and mounts the comeback with a clothesline, followed by a Savage axe handle. Bulldog misses, but Jericho manages to set Dolph up top, and gets 10 punches followed by a Frankenjericho (under arm version) for 2. Ziggler gets a 2 of his own off a DDT. Jericho tries for the Walls, but Dolph spins off, and cradles Jericho for 2. Jericho avoids the Zig Zag and gets the bulldog. Lionsault hits the knees, and the Zig Zag connects to end it.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via Zig Zag
Rating: 6/10. Spirited, shortened version of their match at Summerslam. Have fun with the Fozzy tour, Jericho.

-Afterward, Jericho snatches Dolph’s briefcase and beats Ziggler with it, drawing noticeable boos. Codebreaker follows that up. And uh…..that’s that.

Main Event Interview: CM Punk and John Cena
Punk addresses Lawler, takes exception to the “turned on the WWE Universe” line, and wants an apology. Before Lawler can be held accountable, Cena makes his way out. Punk is tired of taking a backseat to non-champions and we get a vociferous “CENA SUCKS” chant. Punk has to beat Cena for respect, but he knows that beating him might not matter. So the shot is Cena’s….if he admits that Punk is the best in the world. Cena says his relationship with the fans is built on respect, and panders to the local college team to make his point. Cena refuses to bow to Punk’s request, because he has to believe that he’s the best. Cena tries to turn Punk walking out at MITB 2011 as the reason “no one respects him”, and he won’t stroke Punk’s ego. But he offers Punk a chance to beat him in his backyard at Night of Champions, but Cena says he can pick any opponent besides him. Cena walks out, leaving Punk speechless. Then he turns to Lawler and demands that apology he wanted before. Lawler gives a forced apology and goes to leave, but now Punk wants Lawler to admit he’s the best. Lawler refuses, and Punk roundhouses him.
Segment Rating: 8/10. Good closing segment with strong speeches from both Punk and Cena. I’m actually more pumped for Night of Champions than I was Summerslam.

Overall: the interminable length of this show is wearing thin on me, as I spent half the last hour arguing with a dude about Vickie Guerrero on Twitter (my take: she needs to go). The closing segment was great, and Heyman’s espousing of Brock was good. The rest was either “standard” or “dull”, which seems to be par for the course these days.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for Wrestlechat.net and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

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WWE RAW August 13 Results & Live Blog – Lesnar Attacks HBK

August 13, 2012 By: Category: Videos, WWE | Pro Wrestling

Brock Lesnar Shawn Michaels“Ladies and gentlemen of the WWE Universe, my name is JH and I am the owner of Jaw Hurled Promotions, and tonight, I would like to introduce to you the future of Monday Night Raw reviews! Hashtag all hypocrisy, hash tag zero democracy, I am the man with the plan that’ll slay ya, because on behalf of the fired AW, I am your PRIME! TIME! PLAYA!”

(Yes, out of protest of AW being scapegoated when so many others (read: Vince’s favorites) have messed up royal, I am reviewing this entire three hour go-home show as an AW clone. FIGHT THE POWER! And vote Chris Shays!)

-WWE Monday Night RAW is live from Dallas, TX. “Linda McMahon is like the Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs! Can’t win anything anymore!”

-Awww, yeah, go get em, Outasight! Nickelback is like the Attitude Era; they’re the past, and we don’t acknowledge the past unless it’s convenient!

Match 1: CM Punk vs. Big Show (non title)
Punk, attaboy Punk! You jerk that curtain! Punk’s like Rick Santorum, putting moronic kids to sleep at 8 PM! Punk kicks away, get em Punk, get em! Then Show comes back, because he’s a giant, and he got to make a Kobe joke long before AW did! AW thought that set a precedent, but since that happened before July 2012, Vince doesn’t remember it! WWE is so benevolent, giving away a third of the Summerslam main event tonight. Buyrates must be so high that they’re willing to take chances, people. Punk fights back, because WWE decided he’s a babyface this week. Then he gets bodyslammed, because Show is BIG. Show’s like Fred Durst, he’s been around 13 years and people are caring less and less! Yeah, Show, you work that generic hoss offense! Just don’t make any more rape jokes, or you may get fired in ten days! Unless Chris Shays wins tomorrow, then forget it. JH is your man when it comes to politics! Punk with clotheslines and a corner knee! Then Show spears him! Lemme get my $50 out now. And here comes Daniel Bryan, because we love to take organic heroes and make them look like idiots. Zack Ryder knows what I mean! Bryan’s like Linda McMahon; he should just get used to losing! Bryan causes the DQ, and No Locks Punk, and Show helps, so Cena saves because he’s a BENEVOLENT SUPER HERO! One who made flamer jokes at Justin Gabriel! HEROIC! Then AJ comes out, and this crowd is deader than an HGH freak before age 40! AJ does something TOTALLY UNPREDICTABLE and books Bryan and Show vs. Cena and Punk. That’s never happened before!
JH Rating: It was like WBF Bodystars: pointless and short-lived!

-Yeah, you tell em JTG! You fight for air time! I hope they don’t bury you for complaining about your WrestleMania payoff!

Match 2: JTG vs. Ryback

Ha ha, Cole says JTG complained about being booked, when it was about a payoff! Cole lies like he’s at a WWE stockholder meeting! Job, JTG, job, attaboy! Uh oh, JTG gets token offense, but it’s all just a front for Ryback killing him! Way to swerve the fans, WWE. Then my man JTG, he gets KILLED with an unsafe powerbomb! Take your $2000 and be happy, Just Too Gangsta! Ooops, the Not-Jackhammer finishes. Ha, you know it’s bad when Cole makes fun of the heel for daring to tweet his legit anger!
JH Rating: That match was like Roddy Piper’s 2003 run: depressing, and politically motivated!

-Ya’ll get to choose who’s in Piper’s Pit outta Jericho, Miz, and Dolph. THE ILLUSION OF CHOICE!

-Cesaro gonna kill it on the pre-show while Piper and HBK hog valuable air time! Welcome to the food chain, Claudio! There’s a difference between being a Superstar and being ON Superstars!

-Hey, it’s Slater! Loser gimmicks ALWAYS work! Right, Zack? Yeah boy!

Match 3: R-Truth vs. Heath Slater

This is 1/7 of the main event of Summerslam 2010, not that anybody here remembers! Vince McMahon has the brain of Al Davis, and that’s the corpse version! Truth hits his finish and Cole ignores it, because it’s so non-descript! Then again, that’s true about many things. HEY, THE BOYS ARE HERE! HASHTAG WIN IT FOR AW! MILLIONS AND BILLIONS BABY!
JH Rating: That match was like like the WWE Network: forgotten about in a matter of seconds!

-Yo, JH is gonna tag out for a bit while my man Michael Cole takes over. I’ll be back sooner than John Cena after a loser-leaves match!

-Cole here

-Mark Henry Tout Olympics Jersey Shore Star Social Media Social Media Pauly D We’re Relevant Please Like Us We’re Relevant Social Media Social Media WWE is #1 Tout Tout Tout GODDAMNIT WHY ARE YOU NOT ON TOUT YET, ASSHOLE?!?!

-Sheamus steal car another Tout plug another Tout plug homogenization of a babyface who was once a bad ass heel Sheamus Sheamus Sheamus buy his merchandise he’s on Twitter here are some incorrect facts about Sheamus to make myself look smart Vince is telling me to plug Tout I love Tout Tout is lord.

-Cole’s tagging out, because Cole can’t do two things at once. Or even one thing at once. I now turn this review over to Jim Ross, even though he’s FAT and has an A$# DISEASE.

Match 3: Sin Cara vs. Tensai
Well by gawd, this Sin Cara has made quite a name for himself in Mexico, although we’re forced to call him Sin Cara instead of Mistico, because my boss is an insecure Jezebel who needs to own the names of his performers. Ask Curt Hennig’s son how that works out. But I don’t have a dog in that hunt, let’s call some fast paced action! This Tensai, he’s a big horse, but he needs to focus on the prize and pursue, not dream and miss out. Cat-like quickness by Cara, but bah gawd, Tensai flattens him like a locomotive! Cara with a nice senton, and what impact on that enzuigiri! TORNADO DDT! TORNADO DDT! And Tensai, he’s taking his anger out on Sakamoto! Tensai needs some Sanka!
JR Sez: It was a short slobberknocker, but a spirited one. Sin Cara’s got the tools necessary to build the tree house, but he can’t sleep in the hammock; the kid has to get it done!

JR also Sez: “BAH GAWD STOP WITH THE HASHTAG S—T”

-JR defers to JH once more

-I was away for 20 minutes, the equivalent of 40 Divas matches! Equal opportunity employers, that WWE!

Piper’s Pit with Chris Jericho

Jericho and I have something in common: we’re the only 2 people who remember his 2003 feud with Piper! As well as Piper’s 1994 feud with Lawler! I doubt Lawler remembers. Vickie interrupts Piper’s senile rambling and brings Ziggler out for witty repartee. Piper tells them to save it for Sunday. Vince is all “zuh?” And now Miz is here. LET’S ALL CUT THE SAME PROMOS. Jericho cleans house, which means he’s losing Sunday.
JH Rating: Jericho’s like American Idol: he has no problem helping produce tomorrow’s losers!

Match 5: Chris Jericho vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler (non title)
Impromptu matches are like McMahon Family involvement: no longer novel after 1999! And speaking of no longer novel, there’s a Pauly D reference! Because to hell with the workers! Let’s just bombard the audience with a million pointless amenities that they have to remember! GET EM….SOMEBODY! I don’t know, I’ve seen this match a million times before. But not Vince: even if he’s seen it, IT’S NEW TO HIM. Hey, one heel stopped the other from winning! HE FEIGNS SURPRISE BECAUSE HE THINKS IT MATTERS. It’s commercial time, so I’m gonna tag out.

-Tag is made to 1995 Vince McMahon

ALRIGHT, WE’RE BACK WITH MORE MONDAY NIGHT RAW HERE ON USA! And Chris Jericho finds himself in a precarious position, ladies and gentlemen, as The Miz with a knee to the midsection. And now he’s choking him—CMONREFEREEGETINTHEREDISQUALIFYHIM. And Miz covers-THATSHOULDDOITAND—no, only 2. I thought for SURE he had him! Miz now, taking advantage of a weakened Jericho, sitting on the small of the back. Jericho fighting back, there’s a chop! And another! To the buckle and….OHH, Miz lands in a bad way. Jericho now….WHAT A MANEUVER ON ZIGGLER! AND A WHAT A MANUEVER ON MIZ! LIONSAULT! 1-2-HE GOT EM! No, Jericho breaks the pin and takes down Ziggler….OHHH, WHAT A BAD LANDING FOR THE MIZ! Jericho setting him up now, could be the superpl—HERE COMES ZIGGLER ANDDDDDDDD…..ALL THREE MEN ARE DOWN! WHAT A TWO MANUEVERS! Ziggler now covers and….NO! Off the ropes and….OHH, DROPS JERICHO! 1-2-3! 3! 3! NO, only 2! Whew, this action is fast and furious! Miz with Ziggler, SKULL CRUSHING FINALE. THAT SHOULD DO IT AND—no, Jericho saves! Jericho with Miz now….HE’S GOT THE WALLS AND—no, Miz manages to escape! Ziggler in—CODEBREAKER ON ZIGGLER! C’MON JERICHo, COVER HIM IF YOU CAN! 1-2-NO!!! VICKIE WITH THE FOOT ACROSS THE ROPE! The referee needs to do something about this! Miz with a rollup AND—ONLY 2. ZIGGLER WITH THE ZIG ZAG ON JERICHO, 1 2 AND HE GETS HIM! THIS TIME THERE’S NO EXAGGERATION! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, CHRIS JERICHO HAD THAT MATCH WON, KING!
Shirtless Cena Rating: 2 out of 5. NOT ENOUGH MUSCLES!

-SHAWN MICHAELS AND JOHN CENA TOGETHER! I NEED A SEAMSTRESS TO FIX THE FRONT OF MY CANARY BLUE PANTS—and WAITAMINNIT Punk ruins it. And indeed, CM Punk has killed my man-b#@r to the extent that it cannot regrow itself. DISQUALIFY HIM REFEREE.

-1995 Vince tags plain old Justin Henry, who has grown tired of the gimmicks, as have you.

-Wade Barrett continues to talk about Fight Club

Match 6: Layla/Kaitlyn vs. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres
I come back in time to see the WORST SUNSET FLIP EVER from Layla. At least I have her and Kaitlyn to stare at. Layla lands a crossbody on Eve for 2, and follows up with an ass bump to the face. I approve. Kaitlyn comes to land a backbreaker for 2, but Eve takes her off the top with a leg drag. Beth kills Kaitlyn for a while as I fight sleep. Sorry Eric, I’m trying. Kaitlyn finishes Beth with a reverse cradle.
WINNER: Layla/Kaitlyn via rolling reverse cradle
Rating: 2/10. Uhh….I like Kaitlyn?

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Match 7: John Cena/CM Punk vs. Big Show/Daniel Bryan
I’m fading. Just get to Shawn and Lesnar doing something. And yes, Punk enters before Cena, just because. Cena takes Bryan down with a shoulder block, and then Punk tags himself in. Punk takes care of Bryan in short order, and Cena tags himself back in. Bryan refuses to tag out, so Cena outwrestles him. Bryan finally tags Show, who headbutts Cena down. Maybe Cena questioned him about a condom receipt. Cena fights back, but is dropped hard as he tried a shoulder block, and we go to commercial. And we come back to Cena still being down, courtesy of Show dominance, including a butt-avalanche. Show bearhugs Cena and Bryan does a self-tag. The heels argue, and Bryan misses a corner charge because he’s a loser. Punk brings himself in, and he kicks Bryan’s ass with more ease than he has all year. CONSISTENCY. Like when Show comes back, and he kills Punk. This is as predictable as the last two seasons of SVU. Show bearhugs Punk, because no one’s killing themselves before Sunday. Punk is virtually dead, so here comes Bryan again, and Show just goes to watch from ringside. And of course, Punk takes Bryan down, despite being dead. Punk hits Bryan with Cena’s moves, including the Five Knuckle Shuff-no, Cena tags himself in. High knee and bulldog from Cena. So Punk leaves. Bryan gets a surprise roll-up for 2, and Cena AA’s him to win.
WINNERS: John Cena and CM Punk via AA
Rating: 5/10. I don’t know, I’m just not all that excited for Sunday. Especially watching Bryan be b*tch boy to the stars.

-Show runs in to get Cena, so Punk runs back in and belts him with the…..belt. Punk offers Cena a handshake, and Cena just stares him down, so Punk leaves all pissed off.

Match 8: Damien Sandow vs. Christian
I don’t even know who to cheer for. Sandow drops Christian and lands an elbow for 2. Christian comes back with right hands and a forearm smash. He follows that with the leapfrog punch to the floor, and the diving back elbow. To the floor, where Sandow sends him into the stairs, and then bashes his skull into them for good measure. This brings out Brodus Clay in a knee brace, which distracts Sandow long enough for Christian to roll him up for 2, but Sandow comes back with the Illumination.
WINNER: Damien Sandow via Illumination
Rating: 3/10. Wow, Christian looked like the jobbiest jobber who ever jobbed.

-Lesnar stares down Shawn. Maybe he’s courting him?

Contract Signing: Brock Lesnar and Triple H
Heyman tries to sell the match, but after countless videos of Brock looking like a tool at HHH’s hands, I’m staggering in with the attitude of, “Just get it over with.” Shawn Michaels is a coward, Texans are cowards, yada yada. Michaels makes his way out, and nothing of note happens until Triple H shows up. What a lousy and lazy COO, it’s 10:41! Hunter signs, and Brock just throws the contract in his face without signing. Or maybe he DID sign and then threw it in his face, I’m blacking out here. No one gets beaten up, and we have 15 minutes left. Okay?

Segment Rating: 0/10. I give up, Five Hour Energy cowboy. I’ll drink that crap out of your urethra. SOMEBODY SAVE ME.

-Shawn and Hunter have a heart to heart, and doubt is expressed by HBK.

-Show is interviewed briefly, and we have a an accident in the lot where Heyman cuts off Shawn, and Brock drags Shawn out of the driver’s window. Then the screen goes black. Yeah. Apparently, Brock has KIDNAPPED Shawn! Cole: “Brock has kidnapped Shawn!” Lawler: “No, he’s just taking him for a joyride!” Cole: “……………….” Okay, I made that up. Anyway, Brock brings a disheveled Shawn to the ring and F5’s him. And kimuras him. HHH tries to save, but Heyman orders him not to take a step, lest Shawn get his arm snapped. Then Brock does it anyway, because he’s a DOUCHE. Hunter is displeased, end of show.
Segment Rating: 1/10. Only because Shawn kept asking for Haku. Well, he was saying ‘God’, so I’m merely inferring.

OVERALL: Uhh….I liked the triple threat match.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for Wrestlechat.net and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

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WWE RAW August 6 Results & Live Blog – Shawn Michaels Appreciation Night

August 06, 2012 By: Category: WWE | Pro Wrestling

Shawn Michaels RAW-Of the seven men booked for WWE SummerSlam this year, four of them were in WWE in 2002 (Cena, Show, HHH, Lesnar), and two of the other three (Sheamus, Del Rio) play extreme caricatures of the pandering, smiling babyface and smarmy, stereotypical heel respectively. A complete and utter overhaul of the main event scene has never been more needed. Maybe we can get Jericho vs. Flair at this year’s event to celebrate the ten year anniversary of their (not so) epic clash?

-Monday Night RAW is live from San Antonio, where Tony Parker shoots efficiently and Shawn Michaels shoots deer.

Opening Segment: GM AJ Lee
Oh, the white pantsuit works just fine. In the Attitude Era, somebody would have sprayed her with a hose by show’s end. She makes Big Show vs. Randy Orton (mehhhh), Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena (alright), and before she can go any further, CM Punk disrupts. Punk says he lives with zero regrets, which includes dying his hair urine-blonde. Okay, I’m just assuming. Punk butters up to AJ, and apologizes for going off last week, trying to sympathize with knowing what it’s like to be disrespected while in a position of authority. Punk tries to get the triple threat match cancelled, and what sounds like severely canned heat blares with the natural boos. AJ refuses to buckle. Punk reminds her that she’s the same nutjob who tried to marry him, and accuses her of being the ‘new evil authority figure’, and this brings out Cena. Cena accuses Punk of changing from his core values, which is like dropping an edgy rap persona to pander to kids. Cena blames Punk for causing the triple threat match to happen (can’t argue there), and innocently hits on AJ. Punk blames Cena for striking him last week, even though it was Show who projected Cena at him. Cena reminds him that champions don’t do well in triple threats, and Punk retorts by declaring he beat Cena last year at Summerslam. And then we get Big Show, and AJ is so disgusted by his presence that she cuts off his entrance, and tells them to save their aggression for their matches tonight. Punk is upset about not having a match, and AJ says he has a match, and the fans will choose between Miz, Kane, and Mysterio as the opponent. The fans chanting for Shawn Michaels are sadly disappointed.
Segment Rating: 4/10. Punk is so out of character with this, and I’m sick already of ‘fan chosen content.’ It’s just hard to take seriously when the company never listens to the fans otherwise, and gives the fans, er, “Universe” such limited choices.

-Mysterio wins the vote, despite Kane receiving 400,000 votes from Teddy Long alone.

Match 1: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio (Non Title)
Who am I to complain about a free Punk-Rey match? Rey goes for the leg to start and works a legbar, which Punk reverses gamely into a hammerlock. Rey headdrags his way out and kicks away, but takes a shoulder to the buckle, Punk covering for 2. Punk drops a leg and lightly covers for 2. Champ applies a simple figure four necklock. Rey escapes by striking the leg, but falls into a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2. Punk gets dropkicked to the floor, and Mysterio lands the seated senton off the apron as we go to break. Rey heads up top after the breather, but Punk stuns him with a Mongolian chop. Bob Orton’s Superplex gets 2 for the champ, and he continues the torture session with a body vice. Rey is spilled to the floor, but reverses a sunset flip back inside with a head kick, and nearly scores the pin. Mysterio avoids a GTS attempt, and gets the 619, but lands on the knees with a dime drop. GTS connects, and Punk gets a very clean win.
WINNER: CM Punk via Go to Sleep
Rating: 6/10. Basic, but fun match; what you’d expect out of a throwaway TV match with these two. I like that Punk still wins cleanly, since he’s “tweening.”

-ADR parks his Ferrari in the back. I wonder if Sheamus will borrow Austin’s cement mixer?

-Wade Barrett, underground bearded garage fighter is coming back.

-Del Rio and Ricardo sweet-talk AJ, but an offhanded remark about her craziness leads to him being booked. Dennis Stamp weeps.

Match 2: Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian
Del Rio is still getting his gear squared on the way to the ring. To the floor early, where Christian eats the post, and Del Rio works the arm back inside. Single arm DDT lands, with not a single mention of Del Rio and Christian’s involvement with a WrestleMania 27 World Title match. Christian comes back with the slingshot punch, and a diving cross body for 2. Series of reversals lead to a jackknife pin attempt by Christian for 2. Back to the shoulder goes ADR, who then misses a layout senton off the middle rope. Spear attempt by Christian runs into a Superkick. Cross armbreaker is blocked with a Killswitch attempt, and in the confusion, a distraction by Ricardo leads to ADR nailing Christian with his loosened boot. Armbreaker hooked, and the Captain taps.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio via Cross Armbreaker
Rating: 4/10. Spirited but effective. ADR needed to beat someone other than Santino

-Backstage, Sheamus takes the Ferrari, which Ricardo left the keys in, and drives off with it. Theft is being a star!

Match 3: Randy Orton vs. Big Show
Lawler defends Sheamus’ grand theft auto because he’s a babyface. If he were a heel, er, not so much. Orton clubs at Show, and lands some corner punches, but Show comes back with a side suplex. Show trash talks Orton while grounding him, and then locks him in a chinlock. That’s like hitting Rock with a Rock Bottom. To put Orton in a chinlock on an old Smackdown video game, you need to save, like 3 or 4 icons, and hit L2 and R2. FINISHER THEFT. Orton counter-kicks a corner charge, and then uses a series of clotheslines and a dropkick to bring him down. Orton goes to his dangerous place, but gets chokeslammed before he can get the RKO. However, it only gets 2. Orton throats Show on the top rope, and charges, but is barged back out to the floor. Orton blocks another chokeslam, and Show dumps him back out. Show hits the post outside, but Show runs through Orton with a spear and both men are counted out. Afterward, Show isn’t done, but Orton avoids the WMD and hits the RKO. Uhh, which one of them is in the World Title match?
WINNER: Double Countout
Rating: 4/10. Nothing special, but not as boring as Show/Cena last week.

Match 4: Ryback vs. The Caucasian Violence Connection
Man, how can WWE just GIVE these PPV matches away?!?! Woah, Ryback has pinkeye! He’s gonna KILL Jonah Hill for farting on his pillow! Reks has minimal success before Hawkins gets the tag and gets killed. Hawkins tags a reluctant Reks, who manages to boot Ryback down a few times. CVC gets a double front suplex for 2 as Hawkins takes control. That doesn’t last, as he’s backdropped onto Reks, and then Faarooq-spinebustered. Meat Hook clothesline connects, and Shell Shocked finishes.
WINNER: Ryback via Shell Shocked
Rating: 2/10. Serviceable squash.

Match 5: Prime Time Players vs. Colon Blow
Sucks about what happened with Rosa Mendes and, for the times I’ve made fun of her, I sincerely hope she can get her life sorted out safely. Young backdrops Primo in the corner, who headstands into a kick and a headscissors for 2. Primo soon falls victim to a PTP beatdown in the corner. O’Neil lands a unique pumphandle drop, and then the duo hit a tandem front suplex on Primo. Young tries a back suplex, but Primo counters into a cross body for 2. Young gets a scoop powerslam, and AW makes a far more tasteful Mother Teresa reference. Epico gets the tag, and is a housafiyah, getting rolling back suplex on Young. Titus pulls his partner out to safety, and AW tries to take a walk with his duo, but Ghana Get Got cut them off. Back inside, Epico backstabs Young for the win.
WINNERS: Colon Blow via Backstabber
Rating: 4/10. Decent little match. Nice to have actual teams and weekly matches for a change. It’s better than it has been, right?

-Damien Sandow promises to rid WWE of its foolishness. Good luck.

Match 6: Brodus Clay vs. Damien Sandow
Sandow jumps Clay on the stage and takes the knee out, and stomps it while stretched over the ramp. Sandow assures Clay that he did this to himself.
WINNER: No match
Rating: 3/10. Just because Sandow + Naomi = win.

-AJ profiles Daniel Bryan, who guarantees a win tonight against Cena. AJ books him against Kane at Summerslam, because she’s mean. Yeses and nos ensue. My head hurts. But Bryan’s “NO NO NO” shirt is a nice touch.

Match 7: Eve Torres vs. Kelly Kelly
Kelly gets her lame screaming offense, and gets a cross body for 2. Kelly sort-of faceplants on a headscissors attempt and Eve slows down an already slow match. Kelly wins with a rana.
WINNER: Kelly Kelly via rana
Rating: 0/10. I assume this is my punishment for trashing Tout.

Talk Segment: Shawn Michaels
Cole and Lawler do the reverent standing ovation thing with the fans, and the crowd’s alive two hours in for a change. After an energetic opening, he gets to the HHH/Lesnar story, and this brings Brock and Heyman out. I’m kinda sad we never got Lesnar and Shawn as a match. Heyman backhands Shawn verbally with condescending remarks about Shawn’s “entertainer” tag, whereas Lesnar is a fighter, above Shawn’s ilk. Michaels gets upset because Heyman merely mentioned HHH’s kids (which translates to “he attacked his family”, I guess), and Shawn picks Triple H to win. Michaels vows to be at Summerslam, in the COO’s corner. Heyman brushes it off, claiming Brock will end Hunter’s career, and Brock cuts him off, trying to goad Shawn into a fight. This brings out MethuselaHHH himself, and Brock’s ready to go 2 on 1. Then he just laughs, declaring he’ll see Hunter at Summerslam….and Shawn before then.
Segment Rating: 6/10. Well, it wasn’t terrible, and Shawn and Heyman are good for a solid promo.

-Sheamus gives a lame Tout about enjoying Del Rio’s car. Man, they’re reaching.

Match 8: Dolph Ziggler vs. Alex Riley
Chris Jericho joins the commentary desk in Dolph’s shirt. Remember when Dolph and Riley was a feud last summer? Riley controls a mat exchange early, but Ziggler turns the tide with a picture perfect dropkick. Jericho calls Cole “Mitchell” to harken himself back to 1999, as Dolph dominates with Show-Offense. Ziggler lands a neckbreaker, but gets too arrogant with a pin attempt for 2. Jericho films the match for Tout, making me vomit in my mouth a little, and Riley rolls Ziggler up for the upset.
WINNER: Alex Riley via roll-up
Rating: 4/10. Riley wins! As soon as stories about his depush come out, he beats Ziggler. That’ll learn the sheets.

-Don’t care about Tout. Finesse my swizzle stick, you self-indulgent plebes.

Match 9: Kane vs. The Miz (Non Title)
Miz and Kane exchange offense and Miz takes the leg out with a clip. Stump DDT gets 2. Kane tries to come back, but Miz dropkicks the knee, and gets a low mafia kick for 2. He tries to humble Kane with a camel clutch (blog), but the big man powers his way up. Throat thrust stops Miz, and that’s followed with a scoop slam. Big boot gets 2. Kane eats corner, but blocks the Skull Crushing Finale. Miz dropped onto the buckle, and Kane chokeslams him to win.
WINNER: Kane via Chokeslam
Rating: 3/10. Shoulda made it a handicap match with Kane crushing Miz and Santino. Secondary titleholders: LOSERS ALL.

-Sheamus comes back with the Ferrari destroyed.

Main Event: John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan
Ten years after the Atrocity on Velocity, it’s the Brawl on Raw! Cena breaks a headlock clean on the ropes, and Bryan takes time to yell at the fans for yesing him. Back inside, Cena hiptosses him for 2, and snares a chinlock. Bryan can’t mount any kind of momentum, and Cena gets a headlock takeover to further wear him down. Bryan works the arm and gets a shoulder stunner, but Cena manages to get free, and a chase ensues around ringside after Bryan is annoyed by the fans again. Cena gets to the apron, and Bryan kicks him off before landing a diving kneebutt. Lawler “bahhing” Bryan is just cringeworthy. After the break, Bryan works a modified hammerlock on Cena, then takes him down with a high kick. Corner dropkick gets 2. Cena manages to turn the tide with a cross-corner reversal, and backdrops Bryan, but Cena is dropped across the middle buckle. Bryan kicks the rope into Cena’s face for 2. Back to the hammerlock, and Cena tries to muscle him into the AA, but Bryan escapes and strikes him down for 2. Bryan misses a kick and Cena goes into the Vince McMandated Shoulder Block Comeback! Five Knuckle lands, but Bryan reverses the AA into a guillotine (CALLED BY COLE!). Cena escapes and tries the STF, but Bryan avoids and takes Cena down with a head kick for 2. Bryan heads up, and lands a three-quarter dive headbutt for 2. Bryan goes into an aggressive kick flurry, but misses the finishing touch and Cena gets the STF. Bryan manages to escape into the Lebell Lock, but Cena avoids being snared, and elevates Bryan into the AA to win.
WINNER: John Cena via Attitude Adjustment
Rating: 8/10. Damn fine match with Bryan shining as a legit threat, and Cena keeping up with everything. Me likey.

-Punk comes out to stare down Cena, and he raises the belt in his face. Show hits the ring and Cena casually throws Punk down, which Punk is more annoyed by. Cena gets Show up for the AA, but Punk takes him down again, similar to last week. Punk gets on the headset, and vows to end every Raw as the last man standing, to get the respect he deserves. He jumps back into the ring to make sure Show stays down, and Show KOs him with the WMD. Cena gets one as well, to give Show his heat back after the double countout earlier.

OVERALL: When you get past Tout and the stupid car theft angle, it was a night with two good matches (Punk/Rey, Cena/Bryan), and enough respectable midcard filler to make it feel like the roster has depth. Getting people involved, I’m all for that.

Justin Henry is a freelance writer whose work appears on many websites. He provides wrestling, NFL, and other sports/pop culture columns for CamelClutchBlog.com, as well as several wrestling columns a week for Wrestlechat.net and WrestleCrap.com. Justin can be found here on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh and Twitter- http://www.twitter.com/cynicjrh.

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