I will be the first to admit that there have been many times I have been embarrassed to be a WWE fan. Here is a look back at ten angles that were so corny, I hoped nobody walked in the room as they played out on WWE television.
Papa Shango puts a curse on the Ultimate Warrior – This was the angle that inspired the list. I remember watching this as a teenager thinking I needed to find a new hobby. As a matter of a fact you can look back at the WWE in 1992 and notice a steady decline in business. Now I don’t think that this angle was the catalyst, but I think it represents the shift in product and fan reaction by fans like me who were turned off. If you don’t remember the angle, Shango was a voodoo practitioner. His gimmick was to cast voodoo spells on his opponents but the spell he cast on Warrior went to new levels. Warrior began vomiting and inexplicably bleeding from the “curse”. Thank goodness WCW was offering one of its best eras of in-ring product at the time as an alternative!
The SummerSlam 1988 Finish – Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage were red hot babyfaces in 1988 and put together what would become known as the Mega Powers tag team. The team went into SummerSlam against the odds battling the tag team of Andre the Giant and Ted DiBiase along with Virgil and Bobby Heenan, and heel referee Jesse “the Body” Ventura. The Mega Powers needed a weapon and for weeks leading up to the match they bragged about a secret weapon. The weapon turned out to be…Miss Elizabeth tearing off her skirt and revealing your basic bathing suit bottom, covered up by a ruffled top. Even a horny teenage boy like me found this a big letdown. Hogan and Savage made teased that Liz would be stripping down to a “itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polk-a-dot bikini” which was hardly the case. Andre and his team were so “distracted” by this that it led to Hogan and Savage beating them. Now the idea that Andre and the “world’s richest man” would be distracted by a woman barely showing a rudimentary bathing suit was beyond ridiculous. Sure this wasn’t as corny as most of the others but it still sticks in my crawl for some reason!
Vince McMahon Dies – This one is legendary on so many levels, and not all for good reason. Vince was down on his luck after losing ECW and was rewarded with Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night. The Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night episode of RAW ended with Vince getting into a limousine that blew up. What really blew up was the angle. The day after RAW the WWE stock price dropped with people really believing that Vince died. Quite frankly you shouldn’t be allowed to buy stocks if you believed that. The next RAW was scheduled to be a tribute show to Vince, “tastefully” reminiscent of real tribute shows. Earlier that day news broke of the Chris Benoit murder/suicide and RAW turned into a real tribute show, abruptly dropping the entire, ridiculous storyline.
Mr. McMahon vs. God – Let’s stay with Vince for a second. For a guy that is regarded as a genius, he has sure been booked in some stupid angles. There aren’t many other moments that made me want to turn off RAW more than Vince cutting promos on God. As part of his feud with Shawn Michaels, Vince mocked HBK’s religious convictions and even booked a match with him and God as his tag team partner. Throughout the feud Vince made outlandish remarks against religion, likely angering many parents who no longer allowed their kids to watch RAW.I was thoroughly convinced that Vince lost his mind during this angle and he may very well have.
The Katie Vick storyline – Hey, remember the time you saw a C.O.O. have sex with a corpse on RAW? I bet you have never seen that written about a C.O.O. before. Well way back when, Triple H in an effort to upset Kane decided to break into a funeral home, open up a casket, and simulate necrophilia. The WWE has never lived this down and nor should they.
The Dawn Marie-Torrie Wilson-Al Wilson Soap Opera – I am sure there is a good explanation for this because the WWE had some damned talented writers on SmackDown during this time, yet I never liked it. For a guy like me watching this in his late 20s, I wound up turning the channel all too often. The whole idea of Dawn seducing both sounds fun on paper but it was some of the worst acting you will ever see on WWE TV. Al of course dies after having too much sex with Torrie, a fate I am sure many A-Rod haters are hoping to repeat itself. I kid…I kid.
Bret Hart –Vince McMahon Car Accident – How do you take a blockbuster angle over ten years in the making and based on realism and turn it into just another wrestling angle? Let Vince and his crack writing team get their hands on it. The match stunk yet the buildup for this should have been the greatest since the WCW invasion. Instead the angle was mucked up when a car ran over Bret Hart and “injured” him leading into WrestleMania 26. The only accident here was letting the creative team get their hands on this angle. I don’t know if it is as corny as any of the others but as a fan watching it home, I was disgusted and less interested in the match immediately thereafter.
JBL owning Shawn Michaels/The Authority owning the Big Show – Both of these storylines were beyond stupid and since they were essentially the same, I lumped them both together. The idea that two guys like Shawn Michaels and the Big Show, still employed, wrestling in main-events for decades lost all of their money only to become “slaves” to wealthy owners was both insulting and incredibly corny. Not for one second did anyone buy any of this and the idea that this company not only did it once but repeated the angle just shows you how uncreative their creative team can be sometimes.
The Lita Miscarriage – Words can’t even describe how tasteless and corny this angle was. I am really surprised that nobody brought this up during Linda’s political campaigns, than again her opponents had plenty of ammunition. Lita was allegedly pregnant through an implied sexual assault by Kane. Family fun! Snitsky attacked Lita and it was implied by the announcers that he had caused a miscarriage. Snitsky even mocked the act by kicking a baby into the crowd. As disgusting as this was, it was very unbelievable. I felt like I was wasting my time when I watched it. Someone on that writing team has some bad karma coming their way.
The Birth of the Hand – How about the time those two crazy kids Mark Henry and Mae Young fell in love? We could end the summary right here with corny but it gets better. It was implied that Mark knocked Mae up and the two were expecting. WWE cameras were allowed in the hospital room when the big event took place and what came out was…a hand. I am sure there was some kind of subliminal message here but the only thing I could think of was that the WWE was giving us all the middle finger to anyone gullible enough to believe that Mae was actually going to give birth.