TNA Impact Wrestling opens with Eric Young standing in the ring. He says he won the belt for himself, but he will be a champion for the fans. This is his way of paying the fans back. 10 years of unsolicited support for him, and this is payback. The time of paper champions is over. Things will change around here. We’re going to do things our way. He will defend the belt any way the fans see fit. This will be a party. The Impact Zone will…
Dixie Carter comes out, because of course she does. She calls last week an emotional week. 12 hard-fought years, and look at him now. We know there’s only one person responsible for this, and that person is herself. She’s always seen the potential in him. 8 years ago, he was almost fired, and she allowed him to stay. Also, this “thing” on his chin, she invented “The Beard”. She made this fashionably cool to wear on TV long before anyone else, and she should be the one to receive big, fat royalty checks from those that are ripping off her intellectual property. EY says he thought Bully Ray shipped her back to Nashville. MVP is now in charge, and they don’t need her. She says MVP is in charge of wrestling operations, but as champ, EY represents her. For better or worse, he is now the hood ornament for her 2014 Ferrari. He will go wherever she takes TNA, and he will ride along with her. EY says he hopes she has puke bags, because being around her that much will make him sick. She calls him an unemployed lumberjack, then says he is disrespecting her belt and her company with that talk, and he better hold her in high regard. EY says he’ll flush her like every other piece of crap. She says he is more interested in being a court jester, but he’ll honor and obey her. EY begs to differ. He’s his own man. If she’s interested in a paper champion, she’s looking in the wrong place. So, she’s going to stop making fun of everyone, then he’s going to grab the General Lee, run over her and her British paper champion. Dixie continues insulting him, then says he needs to be relevant, as well as high fashion. She will solve that by giving him a makeover later tonight. If he says no, she’s going to start in on his wife. EY gives her one warning…
…But before that can happen, Bully Ray comes down. He apologizes to EY, then asks how many people are sick of hearing her talk. He tells her to shut up, then says he’s here to take out the trash. The bottom line is EY is a role model for every wrestler who has ever been held down by a loser boss like Dixie. She should be proud of EY, a guy who has worked for her for 10 years, working from the bottom all the way to the World title. Dixie points out Ray double-crossing her. Ray agrees that he took the money, then spent it at a strip club. She doesn’t want to piss him off. He reminds her that, last week, he nearly put her through a table. He points out that she knows what happens to people like her when there are tables in the ring. This is EY’s moment, and his time. Ray then sings the “Hey, hey” song and gets the crowd to do it as well as Dixie leaves. As she heads up the ramp, Ray continues rambling. My feed cuts out at this point, so I miss a few things. I can’t imagine it was anything important.
MATCH 1-No Disqualification Match: Velvet Sky (w/Angelina Love) vs. Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne (non-title)
As the BP are waiting for Rayne to come out, she comes out through the crowd and nails Sky from behind. She takes off her belt, then boots Sky in the gut as she taunts Love, who has backed up to the stage. In the ring, Sky mounts Rayne and slams her head into the mat. Rayne gets thrown to the corner for some shoulder thrusts, and Rayne then reverses a corner whip before hitting a clothesline. She throws Sky to opposite corners, and Sky gets pulled to the floor by Love. Rayne grabs them both by the hair and pull them up, but they counter with a double hotshot. Sky grabs a cookie sheet and cracks Rayne across the back twice, then gives her a shot to the head for 2. Rayne gets thrown to the floor, and Love stomps her down before Sky heads out. Outside, Sky kicks Rayne and sends her back-first into the ring steps. Back in the ring, Sky gets 2, then kicks Rayne int he back. Love hands her a trashcan. She misses a shot in the corner and puts on the breaks, but turns around to Rayne, who kicks the can into Sky’s face. Rayne grabs the can and hits her across the back not once, not twice, but thrice. Sky gets up and runs face-first into the can. Rayne tosses it to the outside and signals for the spear, but Love cracks her across the back from the apron with a kendo stick. Rayne recovers and low-bridges Love to the floor. Sky grabs the stick, misses a shot, and gets hit with a horrible spear for 3.
WINNER: Madison Rayne. I think the spear is now officially the most overrated, overused move in pro wrestling.
We see EY and Bully Ray in the back. EY thanks him for what he said. Ray said he meant every word. He’d love to stay here and chat, but he’s got more of Dixie’s money to spend, so he’s headed back to Rick’s. As he leaves, Abyss approaches EY and challenges him to a match for the title tonight, based on what he said earlier, blaming EY for everything in the process. He laughs at EY, but EY grabs him by the arm and says he’s got a match, but it will be a Monster’s Ball. Abyss calls him crazy, and he agrees before walking off.
Rockstar Spud is looking for EC3. He finds him, and EC3 asks if Spud is scared of Willow Hardy. He understands why Spud is scared, but he shouldn’t be. Spud pushed Hardy off the ladder and put him in the ground for months. EC3 ended Kurt Angle’s career, and tonight, Spud will end Hardy’s career, because he’s a lion.
MVP comes out and says last week was an amazing night. We saw a man devote 10 years to this company, doing everything he was ever asked, who climbed his way to the top, and is now the World Champion. He applauds EY, then says Samoa Joe was lost in the shuffle. He was upset that Joe called in last week and said he wasn’t available. He and MVP go way back, but Joe hasn’t returned any of his calls. Word is Joe is disgruntled, and MVP wants to talk to him face-to-face.
Instead of Joe, we get Austin Aries. He calls himself the most disgruntled man who ever lived. MVP hasn’t been talking about him, to him, or thinking about him. It seems MVP has forgotten him. Since Lockdown, he’s been on the sidelines. He lists off MVP’s principles, then says he never needed motivation, but sitting at home six weeks lit a fire under his ass. For validation, MVP is ignoring his contribution, since he wasn’t in the gauntlet last week. As for participate, he wants MVP to participate in answers. MVP reminds him that he screwed MVP over. Aries says MVP offered him a bunch of promises, but he’s being punished because his feelings are hurt. MVP is screwing with his career. MVP says this is about the fans and no one else, and since Aries doesn’t need the principles, he’s ready to fight Aries now. Aries likes that idea, then says it’ll happen next week. He didn’t get this far being stupid. He’s not going to throw fists with a convicted felon. But next week, he’ll out-wrestle MVP and show him why he’s the greatest man that ever lived.
We get a video package for EY that is such a blatant Daniel Bryan ripoff that I’m about ready to throw up.
MATCH 2-World Tag Team Championship: The Wolves (Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards) vs. The Bromans (Jesse and Robbie E, w/DJ Z; Champions)
The Wolves dropkick the champs off the apron as they try to enter the ring. The bell rings, and the Wolves do their drop toehold/dropkick combo on E for 2 by Edwards. Richards tags in, and he hits an inverted atomic drop into a jackknife for 2. Jesse breaks up the pin with a stomp, then knocks Edwards off the apron. The champs go for a double suplex, but Edwards pulls Richards to safety, and the Wolves low-bridge the champs to the floor before hitting a pair of suicide dives. Edwards rolls E back into the ring as Richards goes up top, but Jesse crotches him. E takes advantage with some mounted punches after Richards falls to the mat, then gets a pair of 2-counts. Richards gets sent to the corner, where E hits a shoulder thrust. Jesse tags in, and they hit the Double Boom on the apron. Jesse applies a rear chinlock, but Richards fights out. He knocks E off the apron, but then gets Warrior Slammed as E tags in, hitting a middle rope elbow for 2. Jesse back in, and he nails Richards in the gut before sending him chest-first into the buckles. Jesse hits an elbow to the shoulder, then tags in E. Richards ducks a double clothesline before causing E to nail Jesse. He hits a victory roll, then pops right up to tag in Edwards. Edwards hits a double hurricanrana after a flurry of clotheslines, then begins chopping Jesse in the corner. E charges in, but gets sent into Jesse, then receives a series of chops as well. E gets whipped across the ring, and Edwards nails him with a running back elbow. Jesse blocks the same move, but then gets hit with an assisted Alarm Clock. Edwards nails a double stomp off the top to the back, and Richards follows up with one to the chest. Edwards goes for the pin, but Z nails him across the back with his laptop, leading to the DQ.
WINNERS VIA DISQUALIFICATION: The Wolves, with the Bromans retaining the titles.
It’s time for a dumbass, pointless Willow promo.
MATCH 3-2-on-1 Handicap Match: Ethan Carter III and Rockstar Spud vs. Willow
TNA is now selling Willow umbrellas. I wish I was making that up. Willow boots EC3, then chases Spud out of the ring. He hits EC3 with a headbutt, but EC3 whips him back down off a Spud distraction. Willow no-sells a couple of throws into the buckles, then nails a clothesline off the ropes. He hits an inverted atomic drop, a double legdrop, a low seated dropkick, an elbow and a running splash for 2. EC3 shoves him off a Twist of Fate attempt, and Willow climbs the ropes for a Botch in the Wind. Spud knocks him down from the apron, which allows EC3 to hit a suplex for 2. Spud tags in and hits a right before Willow trips him. EC3 tags in and hits a jumping elbow to the back. EC3 hits a bodyslam, then taunts the crowd. He applies a modified camel clutch, which Hardy is able to escape with gut shots. Willow hits a jackknife for 2, and a corner sunset flip gets 2 as Spud breaks up the pin. EC3 hits a dropkick and a flipping neckbreaker for 2. Spud tags in, and EC3 holds Willow up for some slaps by Spud. Willow kicks him, then hits EC3 with a sit-out jawbreaker and a reverse enziguri. Spud gets the Twist of Fate and Willow pins him for 3.
WINNER: Willow. EC3 attacks Willow after the match with punches, then begins working on his left leg. He signals for the spinning toehold, but Kurt Angle runs down before he can apply it. The two stand face-to-face until EC3 tries for a clothesline. Angle ducks it and nails him with a release German suplex.
After some commercials, Angle is still in the ring. He says EC3 looks like he saw a ghost. But Angle is no ghost; he’s the greatest wrestler alive, and he’s back. EC3 thought he ended Angle’s career. He’s a TNA Hall of Famer, and his career will end when he says it does. He reminds everyone of his “broken” neck medal win, then says EC3 might have injured him, but he didn’t end him. So, very soon, EC3 will be in the ring with him. And it’ll be just the two of them. EC3 will realize why they call him “The Cyborg”. He’s a devastation machine who can break every limb on EC3. He’s not going to do that right away. He’ll take his time. EC3 will tap out in his head before his body does. This fight will not end until they take EC3 out of the ring in a body bag.
AI is back with Bobby Roode, asking what’s going on with him and Bully Ray. He reminds us what happened at Lockdown, then says he’s taken the tables for his own. At Sacrifice, he’ll put Ray through another table. Tonight, he’s challenging anyone else on the roster to a Tables Match. Anyone who is dumb enough to accept will be going through a table.
We get a video for Sanada, talking about his training, as well as the pressure the Great Muta has put on him to succeed in TNA.
Kenny King comes out and says he knows everyone missed. “The King of the Night” is here, and he’s not going anywhere. He knows everyone is disappointed. Everyone has asked where he’s been, and last week, he came home. It’s a very different place, though, as MVP is the new sheriff in town. He’s out to talk business sense. If you had a player like Derek Jeter, would you put him in the dugout? Would Payton Manning be on the bench? No. The LaBron James of wrestling has been on the bench, and that’s not happening again. Tonight, he’s commentating this next match, and whoever wins will lay down the X-Division title at his feet.
MATCH 4-Match 2 in a Best-of-3 Series: Tigre Uno vs. World X-Division Champion Sanada (non-title)
As I said, Kenny King is on commentary. Uno and Sanada lock up, and Sanada backs Uno into the ropes before giving a clean break. They lock up again, and Uno reciprocates. One more lock up, and Sanada applies an arm wringer. Uno counters into a hip toss, then runs into an armdrag. Both try for a dropkick, and now we get an indy standoff. Sanada tries for a test of strength. Uno flips over him, the two crisscross, and Sanada puts Uno down with a dropkick. Uno avoids a charge in the corner, trips Sanada, then misses a split-legged moonsault. Sanada hits a springboard overhand chop for 2. He goes for the tiger suplex, but Uno counters into a hurricanrana for 2. Uno charges in, and Sanada catches him with a TKO for 2. He goes up for the moonsault, but Uno rolls out of the way. Sanada lands on his feet, and Uno nails him with a boot before hitting a vicious high-cradle suplex. Uno goes up top and hits the Saber-tooth Splash for 3.
WINNER: Tigre Uno, who has tied the score at 1-1. This match was better than the first, in my opinion. Nice sequence at the end, too.
Bully Ray is talking to someone off-camera, telling him he’s the best person for the job. He says to make sure Bobby Roode goes through the table, then tells him “Hoorah”, so I’m guessing that means Gunner.
Bobby Roode is in the ring, and he tells Ray he hopes a good seat, as well as a pen and paper for notes, because the master of the tables is in the ring. The tables are set, the open challenge is now. Is there a man in the back who is man enough to accept it? As I guessed, Gunner comes out.
MATCH 5-Tables Match: Bobby Roode vs. Gunner
Roode nails Gunner before the bell, then stomps him down in the corner. Gunner comes back with rights, then hits a running back elbow off the ropes. He nails more rights in the corner, then stomps Roode down. Roode comes back with a neckbreaker off a back-body drop attempt, then goes outside to pull a table out from under the ring. He sets it on the apron, and Gunner knees it into Roode’s face. Outside, Gunner hits a running clothesline on the entrance ramp. He brings Roode back to the ring and tries to throw him face-first into a table leaned against the ring post. Roode blocks it, then tries the same thing, which Gunner also blocks. He then reverses an Irish whip, sending Roode shoulder-first into the ring steps. Back in the ring, Gunner shoulders Roode from the apron, then tries to suplex him through a table set up on the floor. Roode blocks it and dropkicks Gunner, who lands back-first on the apron. Roode sets up a table in the corner, then boots Gunner as he comes back in the ring. Gunner no-sells some slams into the top buckle, then throws Roode in before going for a running powerslam through the table. Roode escapes and hits a boot out of the corner before connecting with a middle-rope blockbuster. Roode grabs the table in the corner and sets it up in the ring, then goes for a powerbomb. Gunner counters with a back-body drop, sending Roode to the apron. Roode hotshots him, then gets back in the ring, where he runs into a running knee. Gunner sets the table up next to the ropes before turning around into a spinebuster. Roode looks for the Roode Bomb, but Gunner escapes and goes for Hangar 18. Roode escapes and falls into the corner. Gunner hits a running knee in the corner, then follows up with a slingshot suplex. He drags the table to the middle of the ring, then lays Roode out on the table. He heads up top, but before he can dive, James Storm runs down. Gunner boots him away, but the distraction allows Roode to throw him off the top. Instead of going through the table, however, the leg breaks and one end gets slightly cracked. Roode sets it up as best he can and puts Gunner through it with the Roode Bomb.
WINNER: Bobby Roode. Storm attacks Gunner after the match, nailing him with rights. He looks for the Last Call, but Bully Ray runs down before that can happen.
MATCH 6-Monster’s Ball Match for the World Championship: Abyss vs. Eric Young (Champion)
EY tosses a bunch of weapons in the ring, then nails Abyss with a cookie sheet as the bell rings. He follows up with a trashcan shot, then a series of corner mounted punches. He bites Abyss and goes for a kendo stick. Abyss goozles him, but EY escapes. He hits a few rights before Abyss launches him to the floor. Outside, Abyss nails some rights to the head, then slams EY’s face into the apron. Abyss tosses a few weapons around, rolls EY into the ring and grabs a trashcan. EY baseball slides the can into him, then goes for a suicide dive, where Abyss nails him with the trashcan in mid-air. Commercials.
Back from the break, Abyss and EY are back in the ring, and Abyss nails a kick to the head. Abyss wedges a chair between the top and middle buckles, then nails EY with a right. EY avoids a corner whip, nails a couple of rights and dropkicks Abyss into the corner. Abyss whips him to the opposite corner, and EY nails him with a back elbow. He goes for a running dropkick, but Abyss blocks it and catapults him into the chair, where EY gets stuck for a moment. Outside, Abyss finds a bag of thumbtacks under the ring. Back in the ring, Abyss stomps EY, then dumps the tacks out near one of the corners. He signals for the chokeslam, but EY hits him in the nuts with a cheese grater. He hits a right to the head, Flair-Flips out of the corner, slides back in, ducks a pair of clotheslines and hits a flying forearm. He signals for the piledriver, but Abyss counters with a back-body drop. Abyss heads outside once again and pulls Janice out from under the ring. Back in the ring, EY ducks a shot, and Janice gets stuck in the top buckle. EY kicks Abyss in the nuts, then pries Janice off the buckle. He goes for a shot to the head, but Abyss goozles him and chokeslams him onto the tacks. Abyss goes for the pin, but only gets 2. Abyss rolls to the floor yet again, and this time, he pulls out a barbed wire board. He tosses the board into the ring and looks for another chokeslam. EY bites Abyss’ hand, then dropkicks him back-first onto the board. EY heads up top, nails the flying elbow and gets 3.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Eric Young.
End of show.
Dustin Nichols is a freelance writer, and you can keep track of all of his work on his Facebook page, which can be found at www.facebook.com/DustinNicholsWriter. Oh, and if you like bodybuilding, check out his mom’s official site by clicking the banner below: